 You need to stop using if you want to find your soulmate or just a loving, emotionally healthy, fulfilling, mutually beneficial relationship. In this video, I'm going to talk about really one of the first relationship videos I've ever shot because so many of you have asked what my philosophy is, and I think on one level it's going to surprise you, but it will also be something you know intimately well. In this video, let's jump in and share my philosophy for how I would approach this goal. Hey guys, Alex Hein, author of the book Master the Day. Now one of the things that I've used to reinvent my entire life has been journaling. So the first link in the description I've included a free goal setting and journaling worksheet and also an email series that will give you the rudiments of how to build your most dream life through journaling. So it's the first link in the description and you can check it out right there. So for me, the fundamental shift happened when I began getting into personal development and studied Jim Rohn. And what Jim said was, you attract success by the person you become. Now it took a long time to reflect and realize what that really meant, but what that meant in terms of my dream girl or dating search was that you do not need to pursue or find your soulmate because your soulmate is someone that you attract by the person you have become in your own life. So what does this really mean? To me, what it means is that first and foremost, you're not out there looking for the person specifically doesn't mean you're not acting doesn't mean you're not doing. But what it means is that if you are, let's say you have a fitness level of five out of 10, you have a happiness level of seven out of 10, a financial level of four out of 10. But you're sitting there and you're wanting that the six foot two man that makes six figures and is kind and happy and has the same values and treats you well. That guy is much closer to the holistic 10 out of 10 than maybe you are right now. And it's not going to really happen unless there's more of that mutual attraction that happens through an elevated person, meaning an elevated person. So for example, if you want more financial success in your life, the outward approach is I'm going to keep pushing and doing and trying all of these things, right? I have to work longer hours, get a better job, etc. And those are true. But when we talk about the person you become, how can you double your income? You either have to become a harder worker, become a more creative person, become an entrepreneur. These are the interstates that precede the external change. How can you lose weight or get fitter? How do you do that internally? You have to become a more disciplined person to then go to the gym five days a week. You have to become someone more skilled at cooking to then create the kind of food that creates the alchemy of weight loss. You have to become a more balanced happy person to stop binge eating and then lose weight. And by the same token, rather than trying to attract the dream human that you want to be in love with, you have to become your own 10 out of 10 to attract your dream 10 out of 10. So what does that look like? If you want the fun, playful, amazing girl or guy, are you your 10 out of 10 fun and playful amazing person? If you want the person who's both kind and also hardworking, are you kind and hardworking? If you want someone that makes six figures because you want financial security and great vacations and donating to charity, are you making six figures doing what you love? So the exercise here for you is hopefully the one that helped will help you as much as it helped me. What is it that you want most in a partner? What do you want their fitness level to be? I'm going to go with the male stereotypes because I'm into women. So the male stereotype is like, I want the girl who's super sweet, but also super sexy, who's really smart and can have intellectual discussions, but also is down for just being silly and funny and being relaxed, who could just as easily go to camping and not complain and then could also be on the red carpet and get glammed up and who just looks like a complete babe and knows how to wear both sweatpants and the sexiest outfit ever, who has great values, great virtues, who works hard. So then I can say, this on paper is what I want in a partner. Now I can look at and rate myself objectively. Where am I on that spectrum? You know, when I started doing this exercise originally, what I learned was that some things I had to work on a lot were things around my personality because I had been working so hard to improve my financial future that I was kind of like five or 10 years ago, I was kind of boring and dull. And even though I was an adventurous person, my schedule was not filled with fun adventurous things. So if I dated a girl, we weren't really doing anything that special. And then I would say, you know, I want a girl that's both super sexy, like a stereotype out of a movie of the hot girl, but also super sweet. So I had to improve these things about both my character internally, but also externally. And if I want a girl that dresses amazing, I should study style. If I want a girl that has a crazy Victoria's Secret body, then I should probably have my dream body. So the action step here is if you figured out what you value the most in a person, then embodying those traits. And the second you start doing that, you will immediately start attracting the kind of people, the caliber of human and person that you want to be dating. And it'll start coming all over the place. These people you've been looking for your whole life will start coming out of the woodwork. And you're going to be like, where were you the last 20 years? But you'll be drawing them in on a daily basis. So this was a really big revelation for me. And even though I can't promise your soulmate, I don't know if I believe in that term, what I can guarantee is you will start attracting a magnitude of order higher caliber of men or women into your life. And you did it by becoming your own 10 out of 10. And that ultimately is the reward because you've become the person you admire the most. So I hope that helps you guys. Again, the way I got started becoming this ultimate version of Alex was by journaling and I've included the first link in the description there will give you a free journaling worksheet that can completely change your life and a journaling series via email on the ways that I use journaling to reinvent myself and build out my best life and kind of get my life together. You can check that out or you can check out the last two videos right there and there.