 Hi guys, here is a couple of very realistic days in my life I was feeling really anxious and I've just been in a funk the past like week or so That's been a lot heavier than normal normally I wouldn't film because I just don't really like Vlogs that I film when I'm in this mood or in this mindset, but I figured you know what this is a very realistic couple days in my life Obviously not the worst thing in the world this happens to everyone But I'm just taking you guys through kind of what I'm feeling anxiety and just like things that I'm doing to fix it But I hope you guys enjoy Hi guys, happy Monday, whatever reason the past like week or so feel like I talked about this last week as well I've just been in a really like bad funk. I don't know why I feel so off this weekend. Oh, this is Okay, so I was going to share my new coffee order, but I think they got this wrong, which is fine It's probably confusing on the app. Anyways This is Matthew. I got this I feel bad It was my post mates, but I feel bad very on and then I got egg whites anyways I need to sit down my new bar soles came in. I mean that is exciting. Okay, so this morning. I got up I want to get coffee. I went to Pilates. I just got back and I'm getting ready now We're gonna shoot for everybody house like merch, which is available on a February 10th So probably by the time this vlog goes up. It's already been available. You guys can shop it. I'll link it below Hopefully it's not sold out. It's available. I will link it below Happy shopping everyone. I'm just putting together some looks and I can show you guys everything that I have But I just want to say like I have been in this weird funk and I think it's I think it's hormonal And I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna wake up one day and feel fine because that's normally what happens But I feel like this time period it's just lasted longer. I don't know. It says let's see It's not bad. It's just like there's something different about it. So whatever. I'm so hooked on Friday night lights I never watch series or been to watch series like literally ever and I'm on season 2 I'm so like 10 or something which is really good for me first things first We have the green crew. They're just like really just cozy and light, which I love They're really soft on the inside then we have our bread winning house wife Baseball cap, which was really requested from y'all Next we have our bread running housewife coffee tumbler, which I've been using non-stop We also have the crew and pink. I'm styling my outfit here with white text It's all embroidered in this line, which I think is so cute and Last we have a set that I am obsessed with so it's white Spread running housewife on the bottoms. We love that Again, it's embroidered and then we have bread-winning housewife Crew I mean a quarter zip up Which I think is so fun. So that is what is available for this job very exciting So we shot the merch which is out now. I will have it linked below guys Thank you to everyone who always shops you guys are literally the best people ever. I love you guys so much When I take the photo right now It's like I'll take it and I'm trying to get this and that's exactly where the shot So I'm like, hello Hard day at work. Like look this is what it is give us some tips for shooting I have no tips. Have you seen my Instagram? It's not very good. It's um It's only good when I give book racks. All right guys. We're back very exciting stuff first I bought this from we're not really strangers for interpretation Oh my friends and I love these kind of card games and we like come home on weekends and play these Super fun next thing super you finally know that I exist and they sent me so many goodies glow screen galore My favorite product like literally my number one holy girl of resetting spray. It's snow mineral powder everyday lotion glow screen body Oh my god. This is the best day of my life Super screen and daily moisturizer. We've got sunscreen. We've got glow oil, which will be gonna try to get tan this summer I'll let you guys know I said every year bright-eyed mineral eye cream lip screen glow stick daily dose Hydra I don't look good though. Last but not least daily dose vitamin C super group is based out of Texas to the Texan She Holly I want to say her name pretty I listened to an episode of her and she Started like Highland Park Village in the Air Highland Park and she was working in Jay Piano something. I don't know But it's in San Antonio now. I'm pretty sure So you know some more Texans, but this is amazing. Thank you guys so much Wow, all right guys my house is always a mess after I shoot came back. I just ordered some lunch I'm gonna grab it on the way out. This is my outfit now My bread winning house life sweats and my puffer. I'm off to get a hydro facial. I'm so hungry I have my calisthenics on the way I'm bringing my headphones on so I can actually listen to something. I think I'm probably gonna go grocery shopping after We will see It's like so crazy how much it glows. I'm out of my hydro facial. I got Dermaplaning hydro facial and a boost this guy is staring at me I got dirt playing a hydro facial and a boost in the hydro facial not really sure what that means But my skin is glowing. It is insane I can't believe that your pores disappear your skin glows. I mean Wow tonight My cousin and I I think you're gonna walk and get dinner tonight I'm just feeling so anxious and I hate to keep talking about this in vlogs I just filmed my life and I have a really hard time like faking things on camera So if I feel emotionally really off I feel like it makes my videos really bad my anxiety is so high today And I don't really know what it is other than it has to be hormonal But I am just feeling so anxious and filming myself is really not helping so honestly I'll probably catch up with you guys tomorrow I promise the vlog is gonna get better and happier, but this is just reality. I don't feel good at all Decided to get out of the house for dinner when got my favorite ramen and Dallas with my cousin She's wearing cute merch love that for us Also, this is my friend's hat. I feel cool though. We're in UT law. Yeah I used to have a Harvard sweater, and I was like, yeah, I want I didn't go to Harvard. Good morning guys Um, it's the next day. I was in a funk yesterday. That's why I was in a weird. That's why I wanted to plan this Yes, I need stuff during the week to put me out. I was like, thank God you texted me Yeah, so we're at Katie trail. We're going on a nice little walk. Here's my outfit Look at my hat Yes, it's a clock for early risers this morning I know I feel like this is like my New York days because I walked over here. It's like I never walk anywhere now Yeah, that's what that actually does suck, but I walk in my neighborhood. Yeah, that's I really walked it in my neighborhood I can't walk around it, you know. Yeah It's okay. All right, we're gonna walk. I Feel like such a mom right now. Okay, so it's Tuesday, obviously I went on a nice walk with Michelle, which was so nice I guess this vlog is basically me being in a funk and trying to get out of it Um, I've said this so many times before but I have PMDD So there's like 10 days to two weeks a month where I can just be really down Which is really unfortunate because when you think about it, that's like almost half of your life Sometimes it's worse than other times. Anyways, I'm just in such a bad funk and I can't get out of it Anyways, I actually think I'm going to Instacart my groceries I thought about going to sprouts, but I have Pilates only an hour and I didn't know what I wanted to get So I think I'm gonna order my groceries get my life together to where I'm able to cook and make food I can't really cook until tomorrow. It's just it's crazy. I felt like I'm on the verge of tears for like a week at least And I'm not really sad about anything. I just it's crazy. So anyways, what I'm doing Um, I am grocery shopping so I can get back onto my cooking routine And I'm making sure I see people last night and when got dinner with my cousin this morning I went on a walk with Michelle this afternoon. I have meetings, but then I'm gonna go Plan with Peyton which like for whatever reason planning helps me get out of a funk a lot So I think maybe that will help. I'll keep you guys posted. Let me know what you guys want to see in the vlogs I feel like I'm like burnt out, but not necessarily in the way that like I'm burnt out like Like work ethic wise I feel like I'm just burnt out like I'm making a lot of content I just don't know what to do. By the way, my skin I don't know if you can even tell is glowing and it's the softest it's ever felt the derma planning is incredible My makeup has not been going on well recently at all like I haven't even looked like myself recently And I feel like when I put makeup on again, it will just be so much better I need to clean my makeup brushes too, but yeah, I mean like wow it is incredible. I love this I'm dropping the dogs off to get back. I don't know if it's COVID I don't know if it's the weather the season or Just every other thing that's happening in this world or that we're like hustle culture I don't know what it is and maybe I just haven't had like a breakdown after the past years I don't like necessarily know what it is But there's just something in the air lately where everyone is feeling weird and I will say I feel like I always kind of feel weird around January, but I Am really looking forward to this being over. I decided it to cancel plotties today I'm going to drop them off to get past. I'm gonna go home shower get comfy. I don't have meetings until two today So I'm going to read a book lie to candle and just be and I think that maybe that's what I need It's a journal because journaling really helps me there are times I feel like what I'm in a funk that I have to just like push through and going and working out will help me But I've been doing that the past few days and it hasn't helped resting is productive Not that every I kind of eat that too because like who cares it was productive Like it doesn't everything things don't like need to be productive The point is that if I just keep pushing through this and ignoring myself and not just like sitting and being still for a bit It's gonna set me back even further because I'm just not gonna feel better So I'm hoping that this small little afternoon helps me. Yeah, I just want to get cozy and have a good Afternoon, I just took a shower now. I'm going to journal and read and maybe watch Friday night lights for a bit I'm gonna have to pick up the dog soon. I'm meeting in like two hours So I decided to essentially just free write basically did morning pages But like not first thing in the morning and just kind of like rambled on and on got everything out of my head Which really helps me so much. Oh my god. Also, I would literally do anything for Matt Saracen Anyways, it is 1 at 26, and I'm feeling better. I blew out my hair. I put on the morning toast I put Friday night lights on my journal a little bit. I'm feeling a lot better Actually an old friend from just back in the day messaged me on Instagram it has had so many nice things to say and because They're being really nice to me, and I was like, maybe this is all it takes anything. It's gonna be nicer to me, you know Oh god, I'm gonna make an iced coffee. I need to cook for a job, which is It's not my vibe for today. It's not what I want to do So I'm making some iced coffee. I have my Quarter four or look yearly meeting with your media, which is always just a really like exciting inspiring time Especially when the podcast is, you know, actually doing well nut pods always and then these glass straws They just enhance your life so much like Not stress that enough so I'm gonna pack for the meeting and then the dogs are still not done They are at least haven't gotten a call. We're gonna ask your hair looks so good Wow It looks so good. Oh my god So I had at my quarter four meeting which always like inspires me and gets me very excited Then I decided to do a little like 20 minute cleanup around the house And just get rid of the clutter and then go and reorganize my closet Which I feel like I spend half of my time doing once I turn the closet into an entire or an entire room into a closet It just somehow gets so messy and I just throw things literally every day and then I clean up every day But cleaning up makes me feel a lot more calm The pups are back. I feel as though my mood is lifting I just got a green juice delivered and about seven packages arrived So Peyton pushed back our plans to happy hour, which honestly might be best and hopefully I can walk there I already got 10,000 steps this morning. Um, but I just like walking. I ordered this Blanket probably a month or two ago It looks so cute. It's from bobble bar. Who knew they have blankets and look it says my initials Which might be chuggy to you guys, but I don't care KEP. I mean You can't really see it, but okay I'll just show you isn't that cute and it's gonna look really cute with my new furniture Once that I rise next month and I feel as though I can't start living my new life until my new furniture has arrived Anyways, the beautiful gray quality blankets With my initials, and it looks incredible in my living room guys. I'm feeling a lot better I've changed for the 15th time today. Oh my god I'm going on a nice long walk and I'm gonna meet Peyton for a happy hour brainstorming session And I mean business so I'm bringing my iPad question Dallas would you be interested in me doing a pop-up of merch at some point like not this launch obviously, but Like at some point we could do a little pop-up. That can be cute Also, I have my better boots my favorite can be a child that I'm gonna drink on the way there I got I got those cookies, but they're cuter here I fully picture the bottle coming out So we just brainstormed different ideas for content It's so nice having Peyton here now because I actually have someone who gets it and someone I can like bounce ideas off of in Person so we might be starting a little dating video series soon where Peyton reds my hand Jim makes you go on dates It sounds kind of miserable, but honestly anything for content. Okay. All right guys. Look who it is Dom doing an unboxing right now for Dom She doesn't know it but me and Peyton and we have these genius ideas because we have good videos to film packages I have some stuff from daily drills that I'm gonna. Oh, that was John. She just fell. Where'd you go? You're still from daily drills and I'm gonna wear tomorrow I have this stuff from Brooklyn some like really that I shared in my indebted night routine recently the Luna one That's weighted. It's like 20 pounds incredible We're talking about totally different things you're talking about Casa Luna. I'm talking about Luna Yay This weighted blanket. Oh my god. It just feels Incredible I have so many things for my bed like oh look Dom you would love it cozy blanket at home But it's like still cool my furniture gets your March 3rd My new stuff my new couch my new everything because I still need to put in tote Cute the packages I unboxed also my bedding can you tell I just self-tanned but one of the packages I unboxed was my new bedding from Riley home So I decided to set that up and then I realized I have the right comforters and stuff So more stuff's coming in the mail, but I decided to like clean my sheets and stuff. I Spent the rest of the night on FaceTime with Dom just doing random work stuff And then I ended up reading and surprise for eyes watching Friday night lights I definitely started to feel a lot better after meeting up with Peyton though I think I just needed to make sure I wasn't fully isolating myself and just like make myself think and get out of the house And go on a walk, so I'm feeling better. Thank you guys for watching. Hope you guys enjoyed this vlog Well, I think the first thing is Recognizing that it is really scary to be alone Especially when you're going through like a trauma or grief or you know after a breakup or something But I think if you can you can kind of reframe it as an opportunity to Grow and to just under kind of understand things better