 And so I collected the data, I got it back, and I actually thought that I had done the analyses wrong. So I re-ran and re-ran and re-ran and I said, nope, this is what the data are telling me. And what we discovered was the more time people spent introspecting, not only were they less self-aware, they tended to be more stressed, more anxious, more depressed, less in control of their lives, less happy with their relationships and their jobs. And I just went, oh my God, I had sort of been thinking introspection equals self-awareness. But as we discovered, and I really started to dig into this, there was quite a bit of research, well, not quite a bit, but some research from the last 20 or 30 years where they had found similar patterns. And essentially what we discovered was it wasn't that introspection in and of itself is bad. It's just that most people, even well-meaning self-awareness devotees, are making huge mistakes when they do it. So there was good news and bad news there. The bad news is the things we think are working maybe are not working. However, we were also able to find a pretty simple pivot that most people can make. So the best way to explain this is everybody who's listening, think about the last introspective question you asked yourself. It might have been to try to understand a mood you were in, like, why am I so drained from all of these Zoom meetings or to understand a fight about unloading the dishwasher with your spouse. Why did that go off the handle or something professional? Why didn't I get that promotion? And that word, why, as it turns out, is actually one of the most dangerous introspective questions we can ask. And there's two reasons for that. We can go very deep into this, but we might not have time, but just at a high level. Number one is, when we ask those questions, we're usually trying to, I call it like, excavate our psychological unconscious. We're trying to find those things that are just below our conscious awareness. Sigmund Freud told us we could do it so we can access our unconscious. Unfortunately, psychologists and a lot of neurologists have shown that no matter how hard we try, we can't access our unconscious thoughts and feelings and motives. So what happens is we think we're doing it, we find an answer that feels true and it's usually wrong. So that's the first reason. The second reason why questions are bad is they lead us into something I call the rabbit hole of rumination. Typically, why questions lead to answers like, you know, why did I have a fight with my husband about unloading the dishwasher? Well, it's just because I, you know, I can't be here anymore with him or I don't even know if I can do this for another month or you know, whatever anyone might hypothetically say in a situation like that. But it's usually kind of get self-focused, you get self-critical, you have a victim mentality. And so that explains why not only were our participants less self-aware, they were worse off psychologically. But as we discovered, our unicorns were asking similar questions with a slightly different twist. So fight over the dishwasher. Instead of asking why did that happen, they might ask a question like, what role did my behavior play in that situation? Or what signal can I pay attention to next time that things are about to go off the rails? Or what can I do differently in the future? And that subtle difference between what and why questions, as it turns out, has really big implications for our self-awareness and well-being. So the tool is called what not why, but it was very dramatic to get there. We originally thought, you know, maybe I shouldn't be writing this book about self-awareness at all. But as it turns out, we can we can actually overcome a lot of those myths and wrong turns. That myth is very strong. And I've seen it in our programs. And when I'm coaching and there is every once in a while, somebody has it in their mind that they are broken inside. And if they could just dig and they'll once they fix it, it's over. When an actual and you talked about this in a book, you're going to need tools to just deal with moving forward and how to move forward with tendencies or patterns that you have. They can either get better or that you can overcome them. One being CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, another incredible tool. It is a little bit less acknowledged, but it's making great strides is by Dr. Steven Hayes, which is ACT Acceptance Commitment Therapy. And Steven Hayes even says that your brain works like a calculator with no subtraction or delete button. So you can enter things in, but then you have to accommodate and compromise with that information that you have to roll through. We're all going to end up taking on trauma and loss and damage through our lives. We're not going to heal ourselves with it. We overcome it. We take it on and we learn how to function despite that trauma.