 All right, for those of you who weren't here last year, I'm gonna have a small explanation of what I'm doing, which is that this is all supposed to be funny. This is all not actual stuff. Don't take any of this as an actual thing that you need to learn or do just laugh, imagine some nice picturesque music in the background and enjoy what I'm about to do. And now, DevOps deep thoughts by not Jack Handy. Maybe in order to understand DevOps, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, divo and ps. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is DevOps. Most of the time, it was probably really bad being stuck in the server room, but some days when you were on hour 20 of maintenance and there was a heatwave outside, you check the weather online and think, boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that. They say that Kubernetes has many secrets, but the biggest is this, I'm not using it in production. People think it would be fun to be a developer because you can create things, but they forget the negative side, which is that you actually have to operate them. When I was a junior, there were times we had to train ourselves, and usually the best way we found to do that was Stack Overflow. If you ever are using a SaaS product, try not to let your code touch it because you don't know where those servers have been. If your monitoring ever tells you that your application is down, don't believe it, and just keep on doing what you were doing because something tells me that the man is behind this one. I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your serverless application is failing for you is something I like to call infinite request loop, but I've never seen a serverless application, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said. I wish I would have a really upsetting project cancellation and get so burned out that I'd just quit my job and not work for a few years because I was thinking about doing that anyways. I think a good gift for the ops team would be a fake outage, and since they're always so busy, you'd probably have to bring the apps down really quick without them noticing. My new million dollar idea is one serverless platform and one server-ish platform, for when you have legacy code that will never actually run on a serverless platform but still want to say that you're serverless. If God dwells within our servers like some tech folk think, I hope he likes Docker because that's what he's getting. Somebody told me how frightening it was, how much technical debt we were accruing every sprint, but I told that story around a campfire and nobody got scared. We used to laugh at the one engineer when they'd head off to conferences we thought were pointless, but we wouldn't be laughing the next week when they came back with some new tool they wanted to implement in production. People around here need to realize that every time they talk about how fragile our infrastructure is, it's just inviting a large enterprise with greater uptime demands to buy our company. A wise person can pick up a tool and envision an entire ecosystem and how to implement it. A foolish person will sit down, play around with it for a day and then say, hey, we're running Docker in production. If you ever discover that what you're running is a VM in a container on a VM, just slow down, take a deep breath and hold on for the refactor of your life. Thanks, I'm Josh Zimmerman. That's my Twitter handle. I also organized DevOps Days Madison. We have tickets available and we're looking for more sponsors. This has all been a parody of Deep Thoughts. All the original stuff was done by him. All the credit should actually go to Jack Handy and not me, I just manipulate words and come up and present them, so.