 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. To pick the mildest cigarette, you don't need sleight of hand. Taste Lucky's magic mildest, then they'll be your favorite brand. I wash and scrub and cook and sew and still I sing a song. Because I never work alone, I've Lucky Strike alone. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Enjoy your cigarette. Enjoy truly fine tobacco that combines both perfect mildness and rich taste in one great cigarette, Lucky Strike. Your only fine tobacco gives you both real mildness and rich taste. And L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike, means fine tobacco. So friends, be happy, go lucky, try a carton of Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Manchester Dynasty of the Sportsman Quartet and yours truly done. I thought you'd get a kick out of it, Elmer. Kids in Calabasas. You're not so loud, Elmer. People are asleep. Sleep? At 11.30? Oh, yeah, this is Beverly Hills. Sleep until noon is a privilege reserved for the rich. Gee, in Calabasas, if you ain't up by seven, you're a bum. As I know. Oh, well, there's Mr. Benny's house. Whoa, Deborah, whoa. Mr. Benny's gone for the summer and I pay him 50 cents a week to let my horse graze on his lawn. Oh, he must be back from Europe. There's a milk bottle on the porch with a note in it. I better see what it says. The notes from Mr. Benny. Dear milkman, please leave two quarts of milk. I have just returned from London where I was acclaimed the greatest sensation ever to appear at the Palladium Theater in a pint of cream. Find out if they want me to resume regular service. Good morning, Rochester. Good morning, Mr. Milkman. Welcome back, Rochester. How was your trip to Europe? Oh, London and Paris. Where did you have the best time? Last night on Central Avenue. Tell me, Rochester, was this as big as the farewell party they gave you when you went away? Same one is still going on. Long now, Rochester. I'll continue your regular service. Thank you. Good morning, Rochester. We're up dressed and rare to go. Just think, Rochester, I've been off the air since May and here it is September. That's a long layoff. But it has been a nice vacation. Now it'll be good to get back to my millions of listeners. I wonder what they've been doing all summer. Most of them have been swimming in the English Channel. Yes, we almost hit a couple with the Santa Maria. Rochester, I better have something to eat before I go to the studio. What have we got in the icebox? Well, there's still a little of that Thanksgiving turkey left. There is. I thought we ate the last of that in Scotland. Didn't we? No, but we had it down thin enough so we can make a wish. Well, Rochester, I'll just have some orange juice and a cup of coffee. I'll get it. Oh, it's a long, long time from May to December and the door runs short when you reach September. Don! Hello, Jack. Good to see you. It's nice to see you too, Don. Come on in. Oh, just a minute, Jack. What happened to your lawn? My lawn? I don't know who's been taking care of it, but look at the way the grass is cut. It's so uneven. I would get a horse with a tooth missing. Come on in. Well, Jack, tell me all about your trip to Europe. Did you have a good time? Oh, it was great, Don. Just wonderful. That's swell. How was your engagement at the Palladium? Were you a big hit? A big hit? Don. Don, you've known me a long time, haven't you? Yes, yes, I have, Jack. You know that I'm not the kind of a fella who boasts or brags. Well... What? Well, what I'm trying to say is, well, Don, my engagement at the Palladium was absolutely sensational. In all modesty, I can say it was a personal triumph. Well, I'm glad to hear that, Jack. You know, a few weeks ago, I appeared at the Hollywood Bowl in the Baggerbond King, and I was a big hit, too. Well, good, good. What part did you play, Don? I was all the king's men. Don, melancholy baby. Don, I know what you're laughing at, but I still can't... Here's your orange juice, boss. Oh, thanks, Rochester. And I brought what's left of that turkey. Good. Would you like a piece, Don? Oh, no, thanks. That turkey looks awful. If you think it looks bad now, you ought to see us passport pictures. So what? Who takes a good passport picture? Anyway, Don, I'm glad that you... Don, I'm glad that you had some work during the summer. Excuse me. Come in. Well, Dennis. Hello, Dennis. Dennis, it's so good to see you. Gosh, it's been almost four months. Oh, it's good to see you, too, Mr. Benny. Gee, I sure missed you. Well, thanks, Dennis. I missed you, too. Gee, Wiz, I thought you'd never get back. Well, gee, that's sweet, kid. How was your engagement at the palladium? Oh, it was wonderful, Dennis. Just wonderful. I heard you were a big flop. You heard I was a flop? Who told you that? My mother. Now, you're just being ridiculous. How would your mother know? Well, she was a second maid on the Santa Maria. Stop. For your information, kid, I was a very big hit at the palladium. If you don't believe me, ask Don. How would Don know? I told him. That's how. Now, look, kid, today I'm starting my 19th year in radio. We'll soon be going to the studio. And for once, I'd like to start a program without aggravation. Is that asking too much? Not in a democracy, no. That's not asking too much anywhere. Now, let's hear the song you're going to do for the first show. Yes, sir. Good jump into the river. Stop rambling. Stop your gambling. You certainly picked a good song for the first show. Yes, Dennis, and your voice is better than ever. It certainly is, kid, and it has a richer quality. Well, that's because of my tonsils. Your tonsils? You had those taken out a year ago. I put them back in again. Now, cut that out. I don't want to start out a new season. Come in. Mary, I thought you were going right to the studio. I was, Jack, but I got to thinking that this is our 19th year on the radio, and, well, I thought it would be nice if you and I went down together. Oh, that's sweet. Say, Mary, you really look wonderful today, and that's cute dress you're wearing. Well, thanks, Don. I bought it for our first program. Oh, oh, when did you buy it? 19 years ago. It's back in style again. Mary, I'm right. Never throw anything away. Say, Mary, you were over in Europe this summer, too, weren't you? Yes, Don, and we had a wonderful time. Jack told us what a big hit he was at the London Palladium. Yes, he was. He did very well. That ain't the way I heard it. I don't care what you heard. Dennis, you should have been there. You would have seen an audience stand up and cheer for ten minutes. When was that? The night the king walked in. Yeah, right in the middle of one of my best jokes. Jack, did you tell the boys what a sensation Phil Harris was? Well... No, Mary, Jack didn't even mention Phil. He didn't. Look, Mary. Then I'll tell you, Phil was absolutely a ride with his song. He took a dozen on-cars and they just wouldn't let him off the stage. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that about Phil. Jack, why didn't you say something about it? Because he's jealous. Don't be silly. I wasn't jealous of Phil Harris. Then why'd you go around London telling everybody he was Jack the Ripper? I just did that for a gag. Some gag. They almost hanged him. That was after he sang, that's what I like about the song. He did the last three choruses with his feet off the ground. Now, come on, kids, we better get down to the studio. Where's Phil? Well, he's down at CBS already rehearsing the band. Come on, let's go. You know, kids, it'll be nice getting back to the old... Get off the lawn, you've had enough. See you at the studio, fellas. Mary, here we are, Studio B, same old play. Gee, it's good to be back. Yeah, there's always something exciting about starting a new season. Gosh, when I think of all the great programs we've done from this studio, come on, let's go in. Ah, gee, the old play, sure. Hey, yo, bud, watch where you're going. Who, me? Yeah, you're standing right in a range in a camp. Child clumsy, don't... Lights. What's going on here? Can't you see, we're in the middle of a television program. Television, but I'm supposed to do a radio show in this studio. What kind of show? That's a mistake, this is Studio B. If a heaven sakes, mister, get out of the way. We're televising a program. But I can't understand how... Don't you see the red light on the camera? What are you waiting for? I believe this is my studio, I'm Jack Benny. It's some mistake, we always do our radio show from here. Oh, I don't know anything about that. This is a television studio now, isn't it? Hey, wait a minute, there was some guy named Harris here before. We sent him over to Studio F. Why don't you say so in the first place? Come on, Mary. Got a lot of nerve changing my studio. What the CBS could have done was to discuss this change with me. Jack, you were in Europe all summer. Well, they could have talked to my writer. They were in Honolulu. Well, then they could have talked to my agent. He was an Alcatraz. Oh, yes, what a coincidence. We all took boat trips this summer. Well, here's Studio F, let's go in. All right, fellas, now let's try it once more. A one, a two, a... Phil! I'll rehearse the opening number, I'll be with you in just a minute. Take a seat, Clyde. Okay, Phil. We'll wait. He was our summer replacement. Why didn't he take his music off the stand? Sammy, same old gang. Where's Fletcher, the trombone player? Oh, Fletcher, he'll be a little late. His wife's gonna have her 10th baby, so they put her in the clink. It's all right on the door. C-L-I-N-I-C. That's clinic! You're a hercing guy, Lombardo's theme song. Why don't you... See, you guys are a sight for pink eyes. He admits it yet. Say, Phil, Mary was telling me what a big hit you were at the Playdium in London. Oh, Mary, I've been so proud of me to quote the words of one of England's foremost critics. He wrote, When Phil Harris walked out to the centre of the stage, the vociferous ovation was not only tumultuous, but it finally reached a crescendo bordering on pandemonium. That he could read, but clinic is clinic. All right, so Phil was a hit. What about me? I heard you were a big flop. You wait a minute. Don't argue, Charm. We gotta do a television show here in half an hour. But I thought... I want another studio. Okay, let's go. See, Mary, I don't know what... I know that television is important, but if CBS think they can push me around, they've got another thing coming. I'm gonna take this up with my agent next visiting day. The radio across the hall has a sign on the door that says Lucky Strike. Oh, yeah, that must be ours. Let's go in. Special for television. A commercial. Jack. Yeah. Excuse me a minute. I'll go wash it off. Siding and Jack. I am scheduled to do a few shows this year, but Alan, don't you think that television is pretty tough on radio actors? Well, television is hard work, Jack, and there's no question that isn't gonna be easy on the older radio stars. Uh-huh. That shouldn't worry a man like you. You see, I'll be 40 again. I mean, 40. You don't need to worry about that at all. They've got wonderful makeup, men. See, they can remove wrinkles from your face. They can broaden your eyebrows. They can take away your double chin. Well, gosh, they can do anything. Well, how do you think my hair will photograph? I don't know. Let's throw it in front of the camera and see. I'm gonna throw this one. Don't worry. It always lands on its feet. Mr. Young, we're ready to start the rehearsal. Well, excuse me now. I have to go. Well, certainly. Goodbye, Alan. One more thing I'd like to ask you. I don't want to get personal, but how did you get into television? Well, I went in to wash my hands, and there I was. Now, right now, I'm going upstairs and see Mr. Meaghan. He's the head man at CBS on the West Coast. Come on, Mary. I'm tired of being pushed around. Trouble every year. If it isn't my cast, it's my writers. If it isn't my writers, it's my agent. If it isn't my agent, it's his parole board. I'm gonna get a studio to broadcast from if I have to. Now, here's Mr. Meaghan's office. Pardon me. I'm looking for Mr. Meaghan. I'm Mr. Meaghan. Well, I'm Jack Benny. Oh, yes, on the radio. Mary, he remembers. Now, what can I do for you, Jack? Plenty. I came down here this afternoon with my entire cast to do my first show of the season. Now, what do I find? Every single studio in the building is occupied. Tell me, where am I going to do my radio program? Oh, yes, your radio program. We've got to find you a studio. I think I know where I can get you one. Excuse me. Hello, NBC? The vision comes in disrupts everything. Taste the mildness, the richness of a lucky strike. Here's a great cigarette. You bet, luckies always give you perfect mild. Lucky strike is milder, and you always get the MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Remember, only fine tobacco gives you both real mildness and be happy. Go lucky. Try a carton of lucky strikes.