 J-E-S-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with, The Sun Will Be Up in the Morning. Today, ladies and gentlemen, the word Jell-O means more than it ever did before. Today it not only stands for Jell-O, America's favorite gelatin dessert, it also means Jell-O puddings, those three swell, ready prepared puddings that have now been added to the popular Jell-O family. Both Jell-O and Jell-O puddings are unsurpassed for rich, tempting flavor. Both are easy and inexpensive to serve and delightfully good. And both bear that famous name Jell-O, a name that stands for tops in quality, a name that spells extra enjoyment and complete satisfaction. As you know, Jell-O is a trademark, the property of general foods. So be sure to mention it whenever you ask the grocer for Jell-O puddings or any of Jell-O's six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon or lime. And by the way, if you haven't enjoyed strawberry or raspberry Jell-O recently, do so real soon, because now they taste better than ever. Each has a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And that's what gives those two popular flavors that rich, distinctive Jell-O goodness, the goodness that made Jell-O, America's favorite gelatin dessert, played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, just being the hottest week of the year in Southern California, we bring you a man who can hardly stand it in his long underwear, Jack Benny. Thank you. Mm, itches. Jell-O, again, this is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, let me tell you about my underwear. I don't care what the thermometer says, I'm strictly a calendar man. When the Swallows return to Capistrano, my longies come back to me. But you're right, Don, it has been a terribly hot week. Why, in the valley where I live, it was sweltering. Well, everybody's been complaining about the heat in Beverly Hills, too. Although, when I woke up yesterday morning, there was a little red man with a tail and a pitchfork sitting at the foot of my bed. And he said, this is nothing, buddy. I didn't like him calling me buddy. Anyway, this has really been torrid weather. Well, Jack, the only thing to do when it's like this is just sit back and take it easy. Take it easy? Why, Don, this is the busiest week I've ever had. And you know what my schedule was today, don't you? No, what? Well, at four o'clock, I did our first Jell-O broadcast. Then I had to rush over and do the ScreenGill program, then home to dinner, then back here to do this repeat Jell-O show. And immediately afterwards, I've got to do the second program for the Gill. My goodness. And at 11 o'clock, I've got to emcee the opening of that new chili bowl in Tarzana. I tell you, Don, if it wasn't for vitamin B1 and the cigarettes Phil's drummer gives me, I doubt that I'd be able to carry on. Really, Don, if it... I'm not kidding that vitamin B1 sure helps. Vitamin B1 will do those pills really help you, Jack. Oh, they're marvelous and how they pep you up. Why, Don, you remember how I used to walk in my sleep night after night? I sure do. Well, now I run like a deer. And, Don, I owe it all to vitamin B. Oh, Jack, you and your pills. Oh, hello, Mary. Pills to go to sleep, pills to wake up, vitamin B, vitamin D, throat gargle, cough syrup. All right. Your bathroom looks like a sale at Sontag. Now, wait a minute, Mary, all the stuff I've got in my medicine chest I have good use for. Oh, sure. Why, Don, he's got everything from corn plasters to two-sake drops. Well, what's wrong with that? Your teeth will never ache again, brother. Now, listen, Mary, there's no use being silly and you can stop with those gags, because I haven't got Paul's teeth. And why is it you never let people slap you on the back? Because I'm tender, that's why. To hear you talk, you'd think I would... Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. Boy, have I got a whip for you. I'll bet. Get a load of this one. I made it up myself. What's the... Just to kill you, Jackson. All right, get to it. What's a twack? A twack? I don't know, Phil. What's a twack? It's something a twain wants on. I'm hotter in the weather tonight, folks. It's too hot for that kind of stuff. That's what you mean. Hey, Jackson, wasn't that a scorcher this week, though? Sure was. When Beverly Hills, it was just like an oven. You live close to Santa Monica. Why didn't you get out the beach? Oh, I was too busy. Yeah, Jack had to stay home and take care of his lemonade stand. It's not my lemonade stand. A couple of children came to the door and asked if they could sell lemonade on my front lawn. What do you expect me to do, turn those little kids down? No, but you didn't have to make them sign a 99-year lease. Oh, quiet. Now, Mary, I've got a very tough schedule today with all my broadcasts, so don't annoy me. Oh, that's right, Jackson. I read where you're doing the screengill show today, too. Kind of a tough grind, ain't it? You said it. It wasn't for vitamin B1. Don't listen to him, Phil. He's got a pill for everything and all kinds of medicine. All right. Jack thinks there's always something to matter with him. Oh, a hypodermiac, eh? Hypodermiac? That's hypocondriac, and I'm nothing of the kind. I just believe in taking precautions. I go to a doctor twice a month for a checkup, whether I feel bad or not. Well, that's the silliest thing I ever heard of. Oh, yeah? Now, take me. I've never been to a doctor in my life. Well, don't go, brother. You've got a shock coming. No kidding, Phil. No, Phil, really, did you ever take a good look at yourself in a mirror? Yes, and I'm gorgeous. Well, I should have had my head examined for asking that one. Yes. What? Here comes anemic on the outside. Oh, yes. Hello, Dennis. How do you feel? I'm fine, thank you. See, Mr. Benny. Have you heard this when it's going around? What's a twack? Oh, you too, eh? All right, Dennis, what's a twack? Mr. Harris won't tell me. Must be risque. Well, he told me that bright answer. So for your information, Dennis, a twack is something a train runs on. That's twain, twain. You root my gag. All right, Phil, I roomed it. I'm sorry. Say, Dennis, I meant to, uh, Dennis, I meant to ask you. You didn't forget to go down and register last Wednesday, did you? No, I was there, but I don't get it, Mr. Benny. What's it for? What's it for? Dennis, you signed up for conscription on a national emergency. If you're drafted, you get a year's training, your room and board, and $21 a month. $21 a month? Yes, sir. I'll take it up with my manager. Your manager has nothing to do with this. Say, Phil, you registered, didn't you? Yeah, and so did all the boys with my band. That's swell. That is, uh, everybody but my guitar player. Oh. Why, is he over 35? No, he made up that joke about the twack. Well, they won't take him, because that automatically makes him a moron. Say, uh, Dennis. Yes, please? We're about ready for a song. Have you got something nice prepared for us? Yeah, I'm going to sing Tweedwind. That's Tweedwind. Stay away from Harris. Sing, kid. Phil, why don't you buy a new joke book? We follow you. It was Tweedwind sung by Dennis Day. And Dennis, that was to Whippy. Thank you. Your voice positively fuelled me. All right, Don. Oh, Jack, it's so ridiculous. Don, Don, Dennis's voice positively fuelled me. OK. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you won to your neighborhood woeser, be sure to ask him for a package of tempting and appetizing jaw wall. Yeah, well, that's right. It is not only economical and easy to make, but comes in 60 wishes favors. Swing it, kid. So always look for the big wet letters on the box. They spell jaw wall, J-E-Y-Y-O. There. Darn you, Jack Benny. Now, now, Don, that was a real cute idea of mine. And I'll tell you one thing. Any time you get a novelty and you don't take advantage of it, answer the phone, Mary. OK. And you don't take advantage of it, you're silly. Hello? Yes? Yes, Mr. Sandridge, he's right here. For you, Jack, Mark Sandridge is Paramount. Oh, my director, having a little more trouble with him. Hello? Yes, Mr. Sandridge. Well, now, look, we've been all through that before, and I don't want to be stubborn. But my name has got to be first on the screen. I don't care what that worm said. He's in New York, and I'm here. Take care of the local boy. Now, look, Mr. Sandridge, that's my ultimatum. So think it over. Goodbye. What's the matter, Jack? Oh, it's that picture I just finished with Fred Allen. Allen wants his name first. Quite a ham, huh? Quite a ham. Don, you don't know what that guy, Allen, went through to try and be better than I am in the picture. Why, he studied his lines all night long. He hired four or five extra writers. He took dramatic lessons. Why, he even bribed the cameraman to try and make him look better than me on the screen. And for what? A lot of good it did him. Yeah, he thinks he's going to steal that picture from Rochester. He's nuts. I'm not going to steal it from anybody. You know what burns me up? I give the best years of my life to Paramount. Incidentally, Jack, I do the Maxwell House program with Mary Martin. You're a leading lady in the picture, and she had a lot of nice things to say about you. Oh, well, Mary is an awfully sweet girl, and she's well to work with. Thanks. I don't mean you. I'm talking about Mary Martin. You know, she's from Weatherford, Texas. Are you acquainted with Miss Martinfield? Jackson, there ain't a gal in, from, or passing through that state. I don't know. The only one you know is Galveston Gertie. Always bragging. Say, Mr. Benny, I've never been in Texas. Are the girls really so beautiful down there? Yes, they are, Dennis, and there are thousands of them. Each one prettier than the other. Then why do cowboys always sing such lonesome songs? They're trying to fool us, Dennis. They don't want any competition. But getting back to Mary Martin, I really made an impression on that girl. Why, do you know in the picture, she sings a chorus of my heart belongs to daddy, and she sings it right to me? See, I love that part where she looks at me and goes, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. She hates to say it, huh? Go on, she loves it. Well, anyway, you'll see it on the screen. Say, Phil, I don't want to give any way any more of the plot. So how about ripping through a band number in your own inimitable thank-heaven style? OK, Jackson, we're going to play a song. Who cares? Play, play. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I listened to your program last Sunday, and I resent all the slurs cast upon my name. Slurs? Who are you? Pure Isle J. Bano. Goodbye. I bet I know what that J stands for. Play, Phil, because the world is in my arms played by Phil Harris and his gypsy orchestra. Gypsy meaning, if he calls that an orchestra, it's a gypsy. That's almost as bad as the twain on the twack, isn't it, Phil? Bad's nothing. That's a lulu. Oh, fine. How much you offered that gag, Jackson? Oh, Phil, I couldn't sell it. I could. I said sell. You're going to have the gag for nothing, Phil. Say, Don, as I told you before, I've got to rush over and do that screen-gill broadcast, so maybe I better run along now and get everything set. Are you directing it? No, Ernst Lubitsch will be there, but I'm doing a dramatic play with Claudette Colbert, Basil Rathbone, and Edward Arnold. You're in pretty fast company, ain't you, Joe? Tune in, Moe, and you'll find out. Well, I'm going to run along, Don. Rochester's waiting downstairs for me in the Maxwell. The Maxwell? I thought you traded that car in last week. Well, I intended to, Phil, but I decided to wait. Tell them what really happened. Never mind. Oh, is it, Mary? Well? Look, I'm very busy. If you think I'm going to hang around and hear you run down my car again, you're crazy. Goodbye. So long, Jack. Gee, that guy's burned up. What happened, Mary? Well, it was this way. I was over to Jack's house last Monday, and I finally persuaded him to trade in the Maxwell. Uh-huh. Well, anyway, after a long argument, we got in the car and started toward Hollywood. And all the way over to... Rochester, take it easy. OK, boys. You know, I hate to trade this car in, Mary. Now, don't back out. Say, Jack, what kind of allowance do you think I'll give you on the Maxwell? Well, if I can get $700, really, I'll be happy. $700? Yes, this car's got a lot of extras on it. Seat covers, radio, cigarette lighter. Don't forget the angle. We ain't got no brakes. The brakes are all right. Hey, what a rattle trap. It's not a rattle trap. Miss Livingston's right, boys. This car vibrates so much I can't keep my socks up. Your socks. All right, our socks. That's more like it, and stay out of them. One of the new models are you going to look at? Oh, I don't know, Mary. I can't make up my mind whether to get a Rio or a Chandler. A Rio or a Chandler? Yes. Say, Jack, did you read the news? What news? Queen Isabella's that way about Columbus. Now, cut that out. Don't be funny. Why, Jack, they haven't made a Rio or a Chandler in years. They haven't. I told them that till I was black in the face. I'll find a good car. Now, Rochester, turn down here on Hollywood Boulevard. We'll come to automobile road. OK. Now what? I should have stopped there. Well, you're just lucky that a policeman that. Oh, fine. Stop the car, Rochester. I knew this would happen. Is that a policeman coming toward us? It ain't a nusher from the Pantages. Now, let me do the talking, Rochester. What can you say without your rider? I'll get by, don't worry. Oh, good morning, officer. Hey, don't you know it's against the law to turn left in a red light? Yes. I'm going to give you a nice little ticket. But officer, I came to Hollywood to trade in my car. This car? Yes. Well, you haven't got a minute to lose. Drive on, buddy. Thanks. Go ahead, Rochester. Got a good mind to go back and tell that cop a thing or two. Now, Rochester, there's the Packard Agency over on your left. Well, we can go right by there. Now, wait a minute. Pull into the service entrance. Well, boss, are you thinking about buying a new Packard? I certainly am. There's vitamin D for you. It's not the pills. I just feel like buying a Packard. Stop the car. Come on, Mary, you too, Rochester. I want you to help me pick one out and get a good trade. OK. Rochester, put that door back on. Quick, quick, before the man comes. Quick, quick, quick. Come on, let's go in the showroom. Wow, look at these beautiful new cars. Good morning. Good morning, sir. I'm in the market for a car. Payton, Payton, or Schmayeton? Well, I'm really interested in a convertible coupe. I see. Right over here is our 1941 model. It has the automatic top. Oh, yes. You just press a button, and the top goes up and down. Well. What are you laughing at? Your top does that without a button. Oh, God. Now, mister, I'm very much interested in the convertible. That is, if we can get together on a trade. I see. Well, what year car are you driving now? Is it a 1940? No. 1939? No. 1938? No. 1937? I'm going out to eat. This will take all day. Rochester, as a matter of fact, mister, it's a 1921 Maxwell. I beg your pardon? I said it's a Maxwell. Is that a Swiss movement? No, it's a Maxwell car, and it's an excellent condition. Well, I'll have to have it appraised. Oh, Mr. Vandermeer. Yeah, Mr. Collins. Will you go outside and appraise this gentleman's car? It's a Maxwell. You can't miss it. It says, beat me, daddy, ate to the bar. Now please, I'm in a hurry. OK, OK. The car is really in swell shape, Mr. Collins. It's always been chauffeur driven. What's the mileage on it? Well, the speedometer says 12,000 miles. You can't go by that, boys, when the speedometer reads 50, we're going 30 miles an hour. Rochester. And when it reads 60, it's half past two. Rochester, this is no time to be flippin'. Well, Mr. Collins, how much will this Packard cost me? Well, of course, that depends on how much we can allow you on your old car. Here comes Mr. Vandermeer now. Good. Oh, Mr. Vandermeer, did you look over this gentleman's car? Yes, sir. Well, what do you think? I didn't like it. Now, wait a minute. Don't be too hasty. Did you crawl under my car and take a good look? Not me. I've got a wife and kids. Not so dangerous. Now, Mr. Collins, I think my Maxwell is worth $700. And he doesn't drink. Quiet. Now, what do you think, Mr. Collins? Well, the best I can possibly offer you on such an old car is $40. $40. Now, Jack, don't argue about it. You're getting a break, believe me. Well, what do you think, Rochester? Is $40 fair? Boss, that's fair. Just unbiased liberal generals and hand me a dictionary. Oh, all right. I'll get my checkbook. How much do I owe you, Mr. Collins? Let me see. With all the standard accessories, unless you're a $40 allowance, that comes to $1,450. $1,450, eh? OK, I'll make out the check. Packard Motor Company, $1,400. Hey, what will I do with the old Maxwell, Mr. Collins? Nothing you can do. Just take it out and junk it. And 50, junk it. What did you say about the Maxwell, Mr. Collins? I said we'll have to junk it. Now, wait a minute, Mr. Collins. That car's got a lot of life in it yet. Oh, make out the check, Jack. Mary, you can't take that little old Maxwell out and junk it. Just throw it on a pile of old scrap metal? Oh, Jack. No, no, he can't do it. Now, Mr. Benny, I didn't mean to. I don't care what you meant, Mr. Collins. I heard you tell that man to junk my car. Well, I won't stand for it. You hear? I won't stand for it. What are you going to do, boss? We're getting in that Maxwell, Rochester, and we're going home. I'm sorry, Mr. Collins. The deal is off. Come on, Mary. Junk my little Maxwell. Must have been mad to even think a party with it. Get in the car, Mary. OK. All right, Rochester, let's go. Yes, boss. Oh, boy, listen to that motor purr. I should have had my head examined for wanting to trade in, little Maxie. This was a terrible start, boy. That's the third one this week. Trouble, trouble, nothing but trouble with this piece of junk. Someday I'm going to trade it in. James, how would you like to plan and prepare almost 1,100 meals a year? Well, if you're the average housewife, that's exactly what you'd do. No doubt about it, thinking of new ideas, but that many main users know small jobs. So just to help out a bit, we'd like to pass along a quick, easy suggestion for tomorrow's dessert. It's called cardinal pear mold, and it's a combination of delicious pears and bright red cherry jello. But yet it's as simple as it is satisfying to make it. Just prepare one package of cherry jello, as you usually do, and add 1,8 teaspoon of powdered ginger. Then mold and before serving, garnish with sections of fresh or canned pears. The result is a bang on the head. The result is a bang up good dessert, one that everybody will like, and one that costs almost nothing to make in the way of effort or expense. So for tomorrow night's dinner, try this grand new jello idea, cardinal pear mold, a vivid blend of sweet, juicy pears and rich crimson cherry jello. This is the last number of the third program in the current jello series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Hey, Mary, let's go home and hear Jack's screen guilt show. Did you say he's going to do a dramatic sketch with Claudette Colbert? Yeah, what does he want anyway? Good night, folks. K-E-L-L-O. For Thrifty Housewives, log cabin syrup for less money. All three sizes now selling at lowest prices in history. Ask your grocer about his new low prices. Remember, same luscious log cabin syrup. Same high quality, same mellow flavor. Only the price has changed. Tomorrow, buy log cabin syrup at the new low price, the lowest ever. This is the national broadcasting.