 Hey look okay I know you heard me and mom say fuck but you gotta understand what it means when you say fuck. So we're having a baby together and as a result we've been having a lot of conversations about our beliefs because as Jared said, these convos have been pretty eye-opening so we decided to film them and share them. Welcome to Values, an unfiltered dialogue series that we want you to be a part of because if you see the world in a different way than us that could benefit this community and our child we want to learn. It's a series of no-cap convos about things like loyalty, finances, sexuality, discipline, and goal-setting. It's the good, the bad, and the work in progress of what we know now with an intention to know and do better in the future. What in the actual fuck is up motherfuckers? I hope you don't talk like that in front of me. You don't feel that way. You keep saying the name Jared. I don't believe it. Okay. The name can always change that's the reason why we're not sharing it but it's probably not going to change. It's probably not going to change. No. So how do you feel that way? Well let's dive into it. Let's dive into it. How do you feel about cussing in front of the kid? All right so let's go back to our past first. So childhood I very rarely heard my mom swear. My dad may be a bit more but I had an aunt who was just like all the time and the kids as well too. I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't mind it. Yeah. I'm a big fan. At the end of the day if you're using curse words because you've never educated yourself and your vocabulary is not that broad and so you don't have other words to pull from. Yeah. But sometimes it genuinely is the most perfect word. So my dad and mom never I mean my dad and my stepmom never cussed but my mom and my stepdad and like that whole family cussed all the time. So I wasn't like split between the two worlds and I. Which one did you like more? Like the cussing more as a kid obviously. But I think like when I really think about it it has to be go it has to go down to like will I say absolutely never cuss in front of your kid no. But I also would like them to understand what they are and understand what it means socially and understand what it means when a kid cusses. So I don't mind you cussing as a kid just as long as you understand what you're doing because they can to your point can be a tool but if you're just cussing to be disrespectful and you're just like saying these words to just like. Well let me clarify I don't think that there's ever a situation that I think that's going to be powerful for a four-year-old to be cussing. Yes there will. Because both you and I are swear bears. Yes we swear all the fucking time but it's I just know like if there's a kid around I don't swear cover it up or I'll be like oh yeah don't say that that's bad. So that they can understand when a kid cusses they're they're they're breaking a rule and so. But then it becomes this forbidden fruit where it's a thing that you can't do. Do it with your friends. Do it somewhere else. Then at least let me know that you understand the difference. So you are going to be disappointed in me if I'm speaking to you as normal because one of the value system that we do and we both share is we want to talk to our kid like an adult. Yes. And I. At that point. The social animal says that there's a massive difference in terms of potential between a kid who hears x amount of words per year versus one who hears more words per year. And so a very big differentiation in your child's academic potential is how many words they're exposed to at a young age. Yes. How many words they learn. And the suggestion is from the time that they talk they learn 10 words a day. Right. So I'm I'm planning on exposing our kid to a lot of language. Of course. I have a very big love profound love for language. Of course. Yes. But I do enjoy as an adult saying curse words. Yes. So we're going to have the kid around all the time. They're going to hear it. But I'm just saying like they have to know obviously you're going to slip up but they have to know like that's not cool to say. But I think when you do that like oh no it just becomes a thing now. Yes. Let them be a thing. It will still allow them to understand what the curse word is. You see what I'm saying. I will never scold them. I would educate them. Hey look. Okay. I know you heard me your mom say fuck but you got to understand what it means when you say fuck. It's not fair. I am older than you. We're both a human and I could say it and no one's going to look at me like this bad little man. Yeah. They're going to look at you like you're a disrespectful kid. Yeah. You don't understand morals. You don't understand your place here. So it's just more or less like hey look I don't care if you cuss. Cuss around me mom whatever. You know what I mean. As long as you understand it. So I just think in the beginning there has to be that like we have to try to not cuss in front of them until they understand that this is not a normal world. This is not a normal word. This is a word that is forbidden especially for kids. And if you say it it's going to it's going to make people perceive you different way. Just like just like anything else. It's like sex. It's like yes this is an act that can bring you a baby and give you STDs and do all these things. And bring you joy and bring you joy and orgasms and connections. But I'm just saying they understand the full spectrum of what the word is. So I don't think at a young at a baby well let's think when do you think you'll start cussing in front of the kid. Man I wasn't really planning. I definitely think in the beginning I'm not changing my language at all for the first year of life. Yeah I'm not changing my language or my language patterns at all. And I think that it is important them to hear my voice as my voice comes out and to also talk to the child like an adult. I do want you to hold me accountable for that. Yeah I can already see me like who's that? I hate that. I hate that so much. Sippy sip? Like you know using words that are not words. That's a drink. It's a drink. Okay it's not a sippy sip. Okay I'm glad that we agree on that. Talking to the kid normally. But it has to be a line with curse words. So if I do agree with what you're saying because I also can think in my love and affinity for curse words I also do not appreciate when I'm around a kid who curses. And I don't like movies where children curse because exactly what the stigma you just mentioned. Is it based in fact? No because that kid could know a pothora of other words and have a very strong vocabulary but my impression of them and the impression of the parents does dim when I hear that. So It's a tough one. I think we know what it is. Here's the thing is like I love to swear but I never have slip-ups when it counts. No. It's almost automatic and that's the thing I guess as well too. It just becomes a comfort. It's a comfort language. It's a language of familiarity and it's a language that's heavy in expression. Yeah. And sometimes when I'm out there in the world feelings and expressing how I really feel is not that important. Yeah. It's communicating concisely and clearly. Yeah. It's making sure that people understand what my message is versus how I feel. Yeah. How I feel matters to you. Yeah. And how I feel is going to matter to the kid. Yeah. So that's where I think I'm sort of getting tripped up because it's a part of the expressive language that you intimately share with people who are supposed to care about how you feel. If you don't have a social IQ then you can't be using curse words until you understand the impact. That's when you can start using curse words. Yeah. And so that's really my stance on it. It's like but I think I swear in times that you don't think it's good. I remember when you came to see me speak in Toronto. Oh there's some yeah there's some times where I'm like you know there's a lot of people in here who probably feel uncomfortable but I know that you're also using it as a tool to make people feel comfortable to make people feel comfortable but to shock you and shock them to be like this is not your normal sex edge education. You think I'm trying to be a cool mom. Yes. 1000 percent. But that's what I'm saying is like even you doing that I might not agree with it but you're still just strategically using the curse word to provide an experience for the person that you're talking to. If you're just saying it without understanding it then it's just like it is a badass little person. Right. And I don't want the kid to be a badass little person. I had a poor use of words regardless. Yeah. I you know that's about me. Yeah. You try to correct me on so many things but yeah because if I'm like that's not the actual correct usage of the word. And what happened. We looked it up and it was. Okay. And that one particular case Jared but don't act as if today today you use the wrong pendant if I'm honest with you. Okay. Oh really. Yes. Why. Because it's with an A. But what is what is the one that I used. The one that you use is the one that is like it's like it's if something is pending it's in like an appended state. Oh okay. And pendent with an A is something that hangs like a medallion. Oh okay. I'll I'll I'll play under there and be like there was one other spelling mistake as well too but. Oh really. Yeah. Why don't you tell me. I just let me go out there like. Well you hold a grudge against what I do say something but no. But when we're on a public standpoint why don't you tell me. That tweet is going viral too. I have to eat it. So we both expressed our points but what is what is the middle ground for the kid. Um probably it's like that I think that's an inconsequential area. Um you can we can be on total opposites on that and just know when you're around daddy. This comes around me. And if you're around mommy let me fly. I'm into that.