 The Craft Foods Company presents Harold Perry as the Great Guildersleeve. Me? The Great Guildersleeve is brought to you by the Craft Foods Company, makers of Parquet Margarine. Every day millions of women all over America serve Parquet Margarine because it tastes so good. To market, to market, to get some parquet, home again, home again, try it today. You'll like it, you'll love it, like millions who say the favorite margarine is Parquet. Parquet Margarine, P-A-R-K-A-Y, it's wonderful. It all started this way. Guildersleeve's nephew Leroy, arriving home from school, found himself at loose ends. Then, under a rose bush, he spied an old chewed-up golf ball. Hidely, he picked it up and started bouncing it against the porch. Bouncing and catching it, till suddenly, tragedy struck. Oh, so that's all I'm just going to tell him. I'm shy, Bernie, guy who doesn't mean to. I don't care, I'm going to tell him that's all. I make a fine lemon pie that's your uncle's favorite and set it here in the pantry to cool and before I can get the meringue on to it, you've got to bust the wind all over it. Look at that. That's how it is. That's for the night. Just moving. Oh, gosh, I didn't mean to. Ain't there no other windows in the house? You've got to go bust this? Oh, gosh, I didn't mean to. Ain't no use talking. I'm going to tell your uncle. That's all I'm just going to tell him. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell him. You might want to tell him yourself, because if you don't, I will. Yes, sir. I'm going to tell him. I will, too. I'll tell him. Uh-oh, here he comes. Uncle? He just turned in the yard. Now, you stick right here with me, Leroy. Let him go in the parlor and read the paper and cool off for a while. Don't say nothing about the wind until after dinner. He ain't so fierce after he's fed. Ah, gee, Birdie, you're... Hey, he's coming out of the kitchen door. Bring him in the garbage can again. Oh, my gosh, I forgot to bring him in again. He'll murder me. Good evening, Birdie. Sure, and begora at the top of the evening to you, begora. Leroy, my boy. What's wrong? I broke a window arm. Oh, he didn't go to do it, Mr. Killsleeve. He was just... Yeah, just a minute, Birdie. You didn't hurt yourself, Leroy. He didn't get cut. No, I can do it with a golf ball. Well, that's all it was. I was a boy myself once, Leroy. I'm afraid I forget it sometimes. But who hasn't broken windows? Oh, dear, Super. Well, I wouldn't have much use for any boy who was such a panty-waste he never broke a window. That can happen to anyone. Sure. I wouldn't go around breaking windows, of course, but... It smells something very good there. Well, that's a problem, Mr. Killsleeve. As far as the salad, I'm okay. But dessert, I ain't quite decided. Well, I'll tell you what, Birdie. Don't bother about dessert. I'll take the kids out for a soda after. How would you like that, Leroy? Would you like to go out and have a soda? Or would you rather stay home and have tapioca? Are you kidding? Hey, aunt, after we have the soda, could we go to the movies? Could we, huh? Could we? We might as well be right down there, could we? Well, you see. Oh, boy, what a day. Hi, everybody. Say, whose new car is that? Hey, Mark, guess what? We aren't going to have any dessert. We're going down to the drugstore and have a soda. And after that, we're going to the movies, maybe. Wow, what's the big celebration? I broke a window. Well, Marjorie, after you, my dear. Good night. Such courtesy. Party. Well, Peavey. Yeah, hello, Miss Peavey. Hello, Miss Peavey. And Marjorie and Leroy, you know, three of you together. Family party, Peavey. Family party. Climb up there, my lad. Marjorie, climb up. Well, Leroy, what's your pleasure? I'm pretty hungry. I don't see how you can be, just after you finish dinner. But the sky's the limit tonight. Anything in the house is yours. Just name it. I better think. All right. Let me let him think. Marjorie, do your worst. I don't know. I just feel good today. Well, Marjorie? I know. I'll have a chocolate marshmallow sundae, only with raspberry syrup on it, too. And could you put cherry on the top? I imagine that can be rain. And some whipped cream. Whipped cream? Leroy, for heaven's sake. Oh, that sounds wonderful. I'll have that, too. Wonderful. Well, give me one, too. What the heck? The pharmacy accepts no responsibility, Mr. Gerry. You heard the order, Mr. Peavey. Three chocolate marshmallow sundaes with Roman candles. I don't know. I just feel good today. We eat our sundaes, Mr. Peavey. We're going to the movies, aren't we, Uncle? No, Leroy. I didn't say we were going. I said we might. You'll be crazy about this movie. No kidding. It's just the kind you like. No love stuff. It's... No, Leroy. I didn't say for sure. I said maybe. How you doing, Peavey? Don't stuff so hard, no? Uncle, you're super. You're the superest uncle in the whole world, isn't he, Marge? Boy, this is going to be a super day. We could just go to the movies. Now, Leroy? Yeah. There you are, folks. There. Eat your ice cream before it gets cold. Good one's all right. All right, Leroy. Eat your sundae if you want to go to the movies. Oh, boy, are we gone? Yeah, we'll see. Ziggy and Marge. Oh, boy, Uncle, you're super. Easy, Leroy. Easy. Okay. You're sure you want to go to this movie? You're sure you wouldn't rather go home and go to bed? I wouldn't rather go home and go to bed. You killed me, Aunt. Hey, no kidding. You love this movie. Aunt Piggy saw it. He says it's got neat screams. Neat screams? Yeah. This guy gets shot and he falls off the prison wall and screams all the way down. It's neat. And somebody else goes to the movies. And somebody else goes to the electric chair, too. Yes, he'll get in it. Well, eat your sundae, Leroy. We'll never get to the picture. Up to bed. It's late. It was terrible. Now go on to bed, you kids. Gritty, what are you doing up at this hour? Well, I waited up. Seems like a letter came to you the other day, Mr. Gil Sleeve, and I put it where you'd be sure and see it, and only I guess you didn't see it. What letter? Where is it? I put it where you'd be sure and see it. But this evening after you've gone, I've seen it was still there and I thought it might be important, so I wrote you a note reminding you about it. But then I got the thinking, well, you missed the letter, maybe you might miss the note. So then I figured maybe I'd better stay up till you got home and make sure you didn't miss the note. Never mind the note, Birdie. Where's the letter? On the top of the desk. I get it. Birdie, you know that's no place for letters. Yeah, so that's why I thought you'd see it. That's it. Department of the Treasury, collector of internal revenue. Yes, sir. Brock Morton P. Hillersleeve. You are requested to appear at this office on or before June 4th, 1947. June 4th! That was today! On or before June 4th, 1947, to answer certain questions that have arisen in connection with your 1944 income tax return. Please bring with you all records and documents pertaining thereto. Well, I guess I'll say goodnight now, Miss Filthy. 1944? I didn't pull anything in 1944. How do I know what I did in 1944? That's three years ago. Yes, sir. Good night. This is Judge Hooker's fault. He advises me on taxes, just wait a life. No, he's probably asleep now. Goes to bed at eight o'clock. He can darn well get up, calls himself a lawyer. He's supposed to protect me from things like this. Come on, Judge, I know you're there. Gosh, I wonder if I did do anything. Let's see, you were requested to appear at this office on or before June 4th. Probably a penalty for not appearing. I wonder if they find you or what. A contempt of court, maybe. Come on, you old goat. Please bring all records and documents. Hello? Hello? Judge, Hillersleeve. You're calling me up at this time of night, don't you know? Listen, Hooker, you call yourself a lawyer. Well, I just got a notice from the collector of internal revenue. He wants me to come down and see him. Well, go and see him. Go and see him. Don't bother me about it. It's about my 1944 income tax. I don't care what it's about. Don't you ever call me up in the middle of the night again? Just let me remind you, Judge Hooker, you help me make that return out. You're in on this with me. You're just as guilty as I am. And let me remind you, Hillersleeve, you never paid me a cent for my advice. Oh... You're the one who signed it. You're the one who swore to it. And if they throw you in jail, as I hope they will, don't go calling me up in the middle of the night to get you out. Ouch! Jail. Ha! They can't put me in jail. Can they? Can they? Well, we'll find out in a minute. First, a word from the craft foods company. Makers of Parquet, the quality margin. Say, friend, may I make a suggestion? As one of our regular listeners, any suggestion you make will be welcome. Well, thanks. You know that little jingle you use, that, uh, to market, to market, to buy some Parquet? Don't you like it? Oh, I like it fine. I only mention it because I have a little twist you might want to try. What do you mean? Well, everyone agrees that Parquet margin is America's favorite, because it tastes so good. Well, instead of singing, you like it, you love it, as millions who say my favorite margin is Parquet, why not sing, uh, and you like it, you love it, and you really should, because Parquet margin tastes so good. Well, that's a good suggestion, but you see, we like to talk about the wonderful flavor of Parquet, about how delicious it is on rolls, muffins, pancakes, and waffles. We like to tell what a fine energy food it is. We just plain and simple like to talk about Parquet. Well, that's understandable, I guess. Let's leave the jingle the way it is. We'll hear it at the end of the show. Let's leave this one little reminder with the folks. Millions of women all over America serve Parquet margin because it tastes so good. Now let's get back to Gilder Sleeve, who by this time is in the land of Nod and having a bad night of it. Where am I? Where am I? 99, you're in the death house. The death house? Where's my lawyer? Listen, Hooker, how can I be in the death house when all I did was make a mistake on my income tax? These things are hard to explain to a layman, Gilder. The law has certain principles. But I'm not a murderer. I'm not a traitor or a kidnapper. Of course not, old man. It's just one of those things. Well, do something. What? Appeal to the Supreme Court. We have. The governor. Appeal for mercy from the governor. I never thought of that. Do it, Horace. Well, I'll try for a pardon and I'll settle for lack of prism. Oh, Horace, if you only could, I'll be indebted to you for life. Now, I'll see what I can do, Gilder. I'll look in on you early next week. Next week? I go to the chair tomorrow. Oh, so you do. Well, I'll try and get at it this afternoon. So long, Gilder. Good night. What can I do for you this afternoon? Peebee, what are you doing here? Now, thank you, pardon. Oh, I thought you were somebody I knew. I'm no waiter. I understood you wanted to order your last meal. I don't want a meal. How can I eat what I'm going to? That is, I may be Judge Hooker speaking to the governor about me. That's all. You have your roast beef and your roast lamb. How's the roast beef? Well, you've had some nice comments on it today. How's the lamb? Several inmates have spoken well of the lamb, too. This is my last meal. Which is the best? Well, all of our menus are approved by the State Board of Correction. Well, I'll have the beef. Beef it is. Mashed potatoes? Yes. They're fattening, but I don't suppose no. With gravy? We have gravy if desired. Well, I desire it. You have a green salad? Lettuce and tomatoes. Very nourishing. A man needs a certain amount of roughage in his diet if he's going to stay healthy, but then you were oil dressing? Oil dressing. Pie? Pie. Coffee? Coffee. No. If I drink coffee, it'll keep me awake tonight. Well, all right. Wouldn't say that. You poor boy. I knew you'd come. How could I stay away? Commendants, sit down, won't you? Well, it's against the rules, Srockmont. I'll just stand here and you can look at me. You're an angel, Leela. Will you miss me? Well, I'll miss you. Leroy wanted to come here with me, but I thought better not. Little Leroy. Hmm. He's just dying to see the inside of a jail. He will. I've made a wreck of my life, Leela. Perhaps this is a fitting end for me. I guess the trouble was you never met the right girl. Yes, I should have looked around more. Maybe you should have looked more carefully at the girls than you. Huh? What do you mean? Sometimes a person finds happiness right in their own backyard. Huh? Or next door. Leela, why didn't I think of it? I could kick myself. If you thought of it sooner, I wouldn't be just a stranger saying goodbye to you. You're not a stranger, Leela. If I, if I wasn't going to be, if things were different, would you marry me? Well, if it would make you any happier in your last hours. Oh, it would. Say you'll be mine. I will, Throckmall. Hmm. Leela, come a little closer. Just one kiss before we... No, Throckmall. The keeper's got his eye on me. Oh. Reach your little hand through. Let me hold it. He's got good news. Good news? Oh, yes. Say, Leela, if I get pardoned, this is all just tentative about you and me, I mean. Wow! Leela Ransom, never expected to find you here. You're looking splendid. As far as you own soft soap, Leela. No, it's not soft soap, Leela. I mean it. I mean it sincerely. Judge, your client, remember? It just so happens I'm going to the electric chair. There was a little matter of seeing the governor, judge. Did you see him? Yes, I did. So I'm for several minutes, as a matter of fact, although he was quite busy. He's very considerate. Get to the point, judge, ye gods. Well, to make a long story short, there's nothing he can do. Sorry, old man, but it's just one of those things. Well, Leela, going back to town, I'll be glad to give you a lift. Oh, wishy-washy, you're a darling. Goodbye, Shroff Mowat, and take care now. Come back here, Hooker, bring back my girl. This is it. It's wrapping. Last words. Anything you want to say, make it snappy. All that I am, I owe to the craft cheese company. Marjorie, wear a hat. God, you heard me, don't you understand? This is a government matter. Let's see why we have to go down there, just because you made a mistake in your income tax. You've noticed, said, to bring records. I'm taking everything. Oh, I got my driver's license. Oh, yes, here it is. I have to bring all my records for 1944 to show the tax inspector. But why do we... You're my dependence. I couldn't find your birth certificates. Now, let's quit bickering and get ready. Okay, gosh, a necktie. I don't blame the kids for getting sore. This whole thing is an outrage. Some self-important little clerk that gets traveling expenses persecuting innocent citizens. Now, I'm gonna tell this sod-off little squirt exactly what I think of him. And the Internal Revenue Department and the government. Anyway, sir, I didn't receive the notice until last evening. It had been mislaid by my housekeeper. Ordinarily very reliable. Oh, that's all right. She stayed up. Let's call it to my attention last night. And I got down here as quickly as I could this morning. That's quite all right. We just thought... I was afraid you might think I was intentionally disregarding the notice, sir. But that's not the case. I've got all my records here, so if you want to go over them... Records? Oh, that wasn't necessary, Mr. Kilda Sleeves. Oh, no trouble, sir. I've got my dependence out there in the anti-room if you want to check them. Really, I'm sorry to have put you to such trouble. Here's your return, 1944. You made an arithmetical error. That could happen to anybody. You owe the government $2.60. Huh? Here, you see the error? Now, how could I have done that? There are millions of people to it. $2.60 and you're all square with Uncle Sam. By George. Take a check? Certainly. To the collector of internal revenue. Oh, yes. Collector of internal revenue. Two and sixty-hundreds. Dr. Morton P. Uh, Kilda Sleeves. Yeah, thank you, Mr. Kilda Sleeves. Sorry to bother you. Oh, not at all. Call on me any time you're in town. So long. This is a great country, children. Why, our own butcher couldn't have cheated me any nicer. He wants to talk to you about his summer plans in just a minute. Every day, millions of women all over America serve Parquet margarine because it tastes so good. Try it soon. Discover for yourself how good Parquet tastes when you spread it on bread, toast, and rolls. See if you don't prefer Parquet margarine's fine, fresh flavor to any other brand, as millions do. It's true. Every day, millions of women all over America serve Parquet margarine because it tastes so good. Look first for the margarine of craft quality. Parquet margarine made by craft. To market, to market, to get some Parquet. Home again, home again, try it today. You'll like it. You'll love it, like millions who say the favorite margarine is Parquet. Parquet margarine, P-A-R-K-A-Y, it's wonderful. Uh-huh. Bye, George. The weather's getting so nice that I'll bet all of you were thinking about vacations. I know I am. I'm going to take one, too. And that's what I want to talk to you about. You know, in past years, we've sort of closed the town of Summerfield up for the summer. This year, Summerfield stays on the air. Yes, sir. We think we've got a kind of a cute idea, too. There's going to be a band concert in Summerfield every Wednesday night for the next 13 weeks. Jack Meakin has organized a real hometown brass band, and they'll play marches and overtures and fine old-time tunes. On top of that, we've imported a great young singer named Ken Carson to be with us for the entire season. We're going to have a pretty girl to sing every week, too. The first week, it's little Miss K. Starr. Most of the Summerfield residents are going to be around from time to time, Lee Roy, Marjorie and Birdie, Judge Hooker, The Old Goat, and of course, Mr. Peaty. So you folks all be sure to tune in next Wednesday and every Wednesday after that for the Summerfield Band Concert. And we'll be back with the regular Great Gildersleeve shows in the fall. Thanks, and I'll be seeing you soon. Good night. The Great Gildersleeve is played by Harold Cowell. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. This is John Lang saying goodnight for the Crab Boots Company, makers of the famous line of Crab's quality food product. Be sure you're here next week at the same time for the first Summerfield Band Concert. Ladies, when you're in a hurry and the family's hungry, here's a quick, easy way to satisfy appetites with Pabstette, the delicious cheddar cheese food. Children love Pabstette's mellow cheddar flavor on crackers or toasted sandwiches. And for main dish treats, you can have a smooth, golden Pabstette cheese sauce ready in a jiffy for perking up the flavor of macaroni, egg, and hot vegetable dishes. Get both delicious varieties, golden cheddar and pimento Pabstette for a variety of menu uses. Ask for P-A-B-S-T-E-T. Pabstette Cheese Food. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.