 Hey everyone, I'm Rafe DeRozzi and in this video I'm excited to sit down with our guest Peter Krabb. Peter is someone whom I recently met over social media He resides in the UK has been living with HIV is married and has five kids and recently he decided to come out about his status and After we chatted it became apparent by listening to his story that you know being a father and Husband a regular churchgoer overcoming addiction and a bunch of other hurdles throughout his life These are all things that I know so many of you will be able to relate to and also draw inspiration from so Peter Thank you so much for joining me. How are you? Oh, I'm excited to be here Yeah, come a come a long way. It's a lot happened over the past three years. So Yeah, just trying to pay my small little part in bringing about the end, you know the stigma that's attached to HIV, but yeah Excited to be absolutely. Well, thank you. And I know that, you know, you're not exactly used to doing this sort of thing So I appreciate you stepping out on a limb and you know going out of your comfort zone Yeah, if you if you knew me well, you know, this is completely out my comfort zone, but It's something I felt very strongly about certainly over the past Past year, you know, I just couldn't sit in the shadows as it were and say nothing I just want to play my part. Okay. Well, let's I'm gonna start out with a question I ask all my guests which is what is your assessment of the current state of the global HIV AIDS epidemic and feel free to answer that however you like Not good, I don't think personally I think the numbers are going up if I'm if I'm right And I think myself I think that now it is treatable I don't think it has the same Terrifying effect as it used to so people are still not being Careful, I was careful, but still got it I contracted it through sex But I wore protection and still still contracted it So I've spoken to a few people over the past couple of two or three weeks since I came out is my diagnosis and and Some people is shot some people it was like, you know, it's You know, it's this it's not it doesn't have the same effect as it used to if you know what I mean So I personally don't think it's it's that good. It's not spoken about much anymore And I really feel it needs to be spoken about more Because it just isn't spoken about at all really I mean to get the information I wanted to know I went to YouTube and I found your channel and a couple of other channels and that's how I've I've educated myself and And where you diagnosed with HIV sorry when were you diagnosed with HIV? 2021 October of 2021 Okay, so they're not me. Yeah fairly recent. Yeah, just over two years But I don't really think about it much if you know what I mean I don't really think about it when I go to the clinic and have my blood work done and I get a little bit a little bit anxious I don't know why The nurses keep telling me every time I go, you know, you're gonna be perfectly fine You're not gonna die of HIV or be something else. You know when you're growing old, but I Still do get a little bit anxious. Yeah well, and I think it's hard to sort of deprogram decades of hearing a certain narrative about HIV even if you Intellectually know better, you know that I think that emotional Experience sticks with you. I think it's more so and I'm terrified of needles Okay Yeah, that's not good for me So I'm like a little baby when I go in there But yeah, and I think as well just in the back of my mind, I think it'll eventually it will go I'm scared. It's there's gonna be something terribly wrong there, but I know there isn't I shouldn't feel that way, but Sometimes I do. Yeah Well, it's, you know, totally understandable. I think What was your understanding at the time of diagnosis? Were you, you know A lot of people say that as soon as they're told they think I'm gonna be dead in in a couple years or something like that How about how it came about? I actually went to to get tested was Me and my wife are married like you said I've been married for 20 years we went through a bit of a tough time three years ago and We were both unfaithful and I got an infection So went to the doctors They said we think you need to go to the sexual health clinic and I told them everything that had been happening with me and my wife And so we thought it'd be wise to go and get get, you know, some blood work Don't know make sure everything's tipped up Now when I got to the clinic they thought it might be gonorrhea or chlamydia But when the blood work was done, I got the results within a few days it wasn't long And they said we haven't detected gonorrhea or chlamydia, but we have detected HIV And for about what felt like an absolute eternity, which was probably only a few seconds I thought Well, it's it's curtains time, you know, it's you know, that's it You know, I'm gonna die But very quickly the nurse it over the phone It probably wasn't best doing it over the phone. I don't think they should have called me and I think but It was done over the phone and she said you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay. This is perfectly manageable and As she was talking It eased, you know, I was instantly thinking of my kids That was the first thing my kids and my wife, you know, they're gonna be left on their own I wasn't necessarily scared to die. I was just scared leaving them on their own That terrified me All the regrets everything come flooding into my head with just, you know, just a few seconds But she put me at ease very quickly Pulled me into the clinic Spoke me through everything, you know, you'd be put on some drugs and bring you down to indetectable levels And that's it. They just they told me started educating me about HIV And so was there concern for your wife since you were diagnosed that She might have been exposed as well. Yeah, she got tested as well. She got tested as well. She's okay Yeah, okay. Yeah, and so you were put on medication. How how did how is that for you? Did you have symptoms or side effects? I should say. Yeah. Yeah. I mean building up to that Before the diagnosis I was feeling Extremely fatigued a lot and it would come in in bouts. I wasn't feeling like that all the time Just out nowhere. I'd feel extremely tired. And I'm not just talking about a little bit sleepy And the best way I can describe it is it felt like someone had put a syringe in me and just sucked all the life out of me Just absolute chronic fatigue like I've never felt before And I was getting rashes as well Um, I would get like these little lumps appearing on my body to look like pimples And they just weren't going away and I've had psoriasis in the past Which cleared up. I only had it for a few years Um, and I thought it was the psoriasis. So I put it down to that I had a little patch about so big Come up on my hip And I was using the psoriasis creams and it just wasn't going away. So that was making me think Something just doesn't feel right here. And I remember I used to be a window cleaner. I was self-employed I pulled up to a customer's house one day and um, I couldn't get out of my van I was feeling okay driving there and I got to the customer's house And I just could not get out of the van and I had to actually drive home I just felt absolutely exhausted Got got into the house and went straight to bed to lay down in my bedroom And I started to get cluster headaches as well Um, just headaches that would not go away I didn't matter how many paracetamol I took Or ibuprofen it just would not go away Um, so there was some stuff building up to the diagnosis that was making me feel like there was something not quite right But HIV wasn't even in my mind You know, I put it down to just get an older and you know, I'm in my fouries now and You know, um, I was working very hard, you know I've always had manual labor sort of jobs. So I just put it down to that HIV wasn't even in my thinking. Yeah. I mean, I was in my 20s when I had symptoms and I was Already telling myself I'm just getting older Because you passed that they say how They say, how do you you know, how do you not even think about that? And I just didn't and so I get it. I feel you Yeah up until the age of 42, which was when I was diagnosed Um, I had a lot of trauma in my younger years I was sexually abused at a very young age. Um, I'm not exactly sure how old I was but I think I was six maybe seven years old um Now that happened to me By one supposed a christian And someone who wasn't a christian so two different people but both those people were young themselves Um, I was probably six or seven. They were probably in their young teenage years um But the the the person that was out of the church was that was the worst of the abuse And that went on for quite some time. I'm not sure exactly because I was so young um and then just When I went into my sort of young teenage years myself I left school when I was 15 Uh, so I was very young. I went into a man's world if you like into a factory Which I was not prepared for at all. Um, I went from high school Um left school at 15 Went into were you ever able to to talk to anybody about what you'd experienced as a kid? No, I didn't speak to anyone about it until I got into my 30s I told my mom. I told my mom and dad. Um, but I was I shouldn't have been but I was ashamed of it You know, I was brought up in a you know in the 80s and uh in the early 90s and um To my knowledge then there was there was no one to talk to about that sort of stuff It was all brushed under the carpet that sort of thing Thank god now things have changed and there are Places for for for people to go and and and you know and just get this out of them, you know I think it's a fairly common reaction for kids who are abused or traumatized To automatically blame themselves Yeah, I feel yeah ashamed I'm still trying to unpick it all now. You know and try and Understand why I did certain things and um why I went down certain roads But yeah, I mean I was brought up in a church environment for the age of four or five My dad used to serve in the Royal Navy He did nine years in the Royal Navy and when he came out of the Navy in 1979, which was the year I was born He actually bought himself out of the Navy because My mom was pregnant with me And for about four or five years. He went through a bad spot himself drank a lot being an ex-sailor And eventually started going to church his brother actually brought him to church and and that's how my family started going to church And my dad eventually became the minister of the church. So there was a lot of pressure on me I was expected to act a certain way be a certain way And all the time I'm dealing with all that abuse that happened on top of Being bullied relentlessly sorry relentlessly at church and at school for being the minister's son I was also dyslexic as well. And there was no help for people in those days that were dyslexic They just thought you were stupid or lazy So you were diagnosed at that time as being dyslexic, but they didn't have any kind of treatment There was no real support system there. So you just had to put up with it and Do the best you could I was actually putting a class with Mentally handicapped children, which obviously didn't do me any good at all So I went when I left school I went into the the adult world if you like with absolutely zero confidence I mean none at all. I didn't know what I was Who I was, you know, what sexuality I was I just had no idea and I wasn't ready for it and Because I'd reached a certain age where I could do what I wanted to do I pretty much did Started partying drinking first. I didn't really like drinking That progressed into drugs, you know lighter drugs and then eventually into it led into heavier stuff And getting in trouble with police arrested numerous times. It was just spiraled and spiraled out of control So you Said you were in in the workforce and it was very much different than what you were used to hard labor And then at the same time you're falling into drugs more and more Do you feel like that was kind of like your way of dealing with and coping with All the things I didn't know what drugs were at all. I mean it started off with smoking Just trying cigarettes and smoking and then You know the guys that I'm working with are twice my age, you know, I'm a 15 year old boy And these are 30 40 50 60. Oh, you were 15 Yeah, I was 15. Yeah when I started my first job So I was out of the education at 15 years old. That was the you know, you left at that age then so Yeah, I went into An environment that I was not prepared for at all So I was being exposed to things. I didn't even know what drugs were. I had no idea I mean things are different now. You've got the internet and You know kids are a lot more grown up in a certain way Um started off with a cigarette first. I saw all the guys smoking at work So I wanted to try it, you know, you want to fit in You know my whole life. I've been trying to find where I where I'm supposed to fit in So I was willing to do anything they were doing just to fit in And have friends, you know and So, yeah, it started off with smoking and it started off with drinking then weed Then ecstasy cocaine speed, you know, you name it The only thing I didn't do was injectables because like I say, I'm terrified of needles. Thank god But yeah, I pretty much did everything else. Yeah, I don't think there's much I haven't done really And that led to getting in trouble with the law as well Being arrested numerous times. It was all sort of drug related But yeah, yeah, then I, um Met my wife I was 21 years old um About six months before I met her to a year. I weighed about seven and a half stone I don't know what that is in pounds. So you'll have to work there yourself It's very long stone. Yeah I don't know if you can work that out, but two pounds There's 14 pounds for a stone 105 pounds. Geez So you you weighed nothing nothing at all. How tall are you? Uh six foot Oh, wow. Yeah, so I was like a golf club Literally, yeah But my dad's from the drugs Yeah drugs. Yeah, I would go on three four day binges without sleeping and not eating a pretty much not eating anything at all Um, my dad didn't know where I was Um, so they were worried sick Um But yeah, my dad said to me one day I kept and all this time I was working as well. I was still working even though I was doing all the drugs Um, always been working my whole life Um, my dad said to me one day, how would you like to meet a real life gangster? And at the time I was a young lad I like watching Uh gangster movies good fellers all that sort of stuff And basically what happened was is a a guide started going to my dad's church and he was a monster of a man I mean six was six and about 22 stone and when he was huge and um He'd been deported from Canada They'd done a 25 year sentence for murder in Canada And it'd been deported back to the uk because he was he was originally born here So once it finished his sentence the canadian government kicked him out and sent him back to england And he came back to my hometown, which is where he was from and started going to my dad's church And he got me bodybuilding And got me off the drugs And got your dad introduced you to him as a So he was witnessing the path that you were going down and he introduced him as hopefully a way to pull you out of it My mom and dad didn't know exactly what I was doing, but then they had a good idea Uh, yeah, they knew I was doing drugs. They just didn't know what drugs and to what extent so you know, my dad's Introduced me to him. I'm not going to name his name Did you like have to sit down with you and be like, you know, look, I see what you're doing with your life and Oh, many times I didn't I didn't listen, you know, my You know, God has blessed me with a with a good parents. He really has you know My dad has always said you didn't listen So what because I'm just thinking about when I was You know in my teens I was extremely rebellious too and my parents tried to intervene in different ways and I just wasn't having it either But I was so bullheaded about it that It just Nothing got through to me. So at what point were you like this guy's kind of cool or Maybe I do want to listen to some of it because it was coming from a different person and He started telling me about his past and I don't really know. I think that's why I just listened. I think it was just because it was someone different. It wasn't my parents Um, you know, my dad was You know, he was trying to help me for years and years and years right the way up to 42 years old You know, he's never given up on me But I listened to this guy because he'd lived Sort of what I was going through he'd done a lot of drugs and stuff like that as well My dad had never touched drugs My dad was, you know, a big drinker in his day but this guy seemed to understand me and he knew how to talk to me and He got me doing lifting weights, which was hugely beneficial for me. You enjoyed it. Oh, absolutely Yeah, I mean He got me feeling good about myself because I was like a like a rake, you know, I was so skinny And I just felt terrible about the way I looked everything. I hated myself and he started building me up I was doing it every day within five days a week And I started to look pretty good, you know, um at the time. I think it was about 19, 20 years old When I met him roughly, you know, I started looking really good. He got me off all the drugs I was still smoking cigarettes, but all the drugs had stopped. I wasn't drinking any alcohol at all Then his wife came over as well three months after John arrived and she kept going on to me all the time about this This girl would be perfect for me And I never thought anything of it because, um, you know, she lives four or five thousand miles away But eventually she came for a two-week holiday She had a little girl three-year-old girl who's my oldest daughter now I adopted her and I took her out on a few dates. She was only here for two weeks And we hit it off, you know fell deeply in love with each other Got on with each other right off the bat laughed all the time and watched movies and she went back to canada Sold everything she had moved back here within three months and we were married from three months of knowing each other From meeting them. We were married within three months. Yeah, and that's how I met my wife and The rest is history as they say Yeah, so you just knew I knew yeah, you know, we've had lots of problems along the way. Trust me, but She's the most important thing in my life without well, that's the thing you um You met each other at such a young age and you're still figuring out who you are and I'm curious about the longevity of your relationship and how it how it sustained itself Despite all of these hardships that you've both gone through Yeah, I mean when we got together and got married. We had a ready-made family She had a daughter from a previous relationship and uh, she was only three years old But I fell in love with her as well as Mary Jane, you know And she the first thing she said to me was is that you're gonna be my new daddy, you know And it broke my heart, you know because a real father if you can call them that only ever met her once And um, so I adopted her She became my daughter And she's 25 now and then a year after that we had another daughter Another daughter another daughter And then my son. Um, so is that the cap on the string of children 100 percent? Let's just say I've been doctored Okay, I see. Well, you know miracles happen Hopefully not No, I couldn't handle any more and I definitely know more, you know, uh, my eldest is 25 I've got a 20 year old 19 year old soon to be 19. She's 19 in December 15 year old and my son is a yeah. So, um, we never really had any time together um So we kind of um drifted apart a little bit As time went on and then sort of came back together and drifted apart again and um, I never dealt with my Demons if it was as it were, you know, my things that had happened to me in the past Um, and also she had a lot of trauma as a child as well, which I didn't realize until we got together Um, I didn't realize the extent of it. Um, so we both had a lot of trauma in our pastor We both hadn't dealt with and that affected our our adult years Like I said to you, I didn't know who I was what I was what sexuality I was You know, obviously I lied to him because I'm I'm married to a woman But um, you know, there was also an attraction there to guys as well if I'm being honest It wasn't until what happened three almost three years ago That all of that just poured out of me and um, we both found out that we were both cheating on each other It's a long story. So I won't won't go into that but we both found out that we're both being unfaithful We were both brought to a point, right? You know, it was like someone was saying to us what do you want? You can go down this road of separation or you can stay together and fight for it My love for her is never wavered Some may say oh, you kind of loved it because you cheated. Well, you know, those people can think what they want But I thought I'm I'm gonna fight for this. I don't want this to end I don't want to be living apart from my children. I don't want to be living apart from my wife So it brought us both to a point where we just started discussing all of these things She told me about things that that have happened to her in the past. She told me Who she really is and I told her who I really am and we spoke about these things And it all just poured out of both of us and you know, we're now at a point where we know everything about each other and it's such a Eliberating feeling Do you wonder why you never had that conversation A lot of people have said that and I don't know, you know, I was just too scared, I think And the abuse I went through I was too ashamed to talk about it And and and ashamed as well to express who I really was Like I say, I was brought up in a different time, you know, where these things weren't spoken about Thank god these things are being spoken about now and not only that I was brought brought up in a church And I know you've had bad experience in the church as well. So It was an accumulation of all this stuff, you know, I was Just a ball of emotion was just ready to explode if you like and But thankfully we've been brought to the place we are now and things are better than they've ever been. They really are I mean, I feel so good. I think my life started at 42. That's the way it feels That's where my life started at 42 years old and I was diagnosed with HIV And it wasn't the HIV that brought about the change and the change actually started before I was diagnosed So all of this came out of myself and my wife before I was actually diagnosed with HIV The diagnosis came after the change. So I don't want people thinking that HIV changed my life Um, it's played a part that the change started before the HIV You could say in a way that HIV has saved me as well A lot of people think, you know, if we don't take our medication, then yes, it will kill us, but In a way, I feel that has saved me as well. It's had it's actually had a Excuse the pun, but a positive effect It hasn't affected me negatively. I mean the best shape of my life. I'm stronger than I've ever been I'm fiter than I've ever been And um, I'm just loving life now Really I think surprisingly to some That's a somewhat common thing that I hear from a lot of folks that I talk to on social media and who respond to my videos is that I mean, I've even said it's it's been a gift in my life in a way my diagnosis To be honest with you, I wouldn't be without it now. I know that sounds crazy Um, I It's it's part it's part of me now And um, I wouldn't be without it keeps me on my tongue I agree with what you said. It's not it's not the diagnosis and it's not the hiv that necessarily changes you But it's the catalyst that takes all these things that we're kind of just Sitting there ready. It's like you have the ingredients For some some kind of chemistry to happen And it's just missing one thing and that one thing comes in and boom everything comes together and you're off You're off Yeah, that's that's how I look at it. Yeah, I mean I feel alive now before that, you know I've had a lot. I've got a lot of happy memories. I don't want people to think that My life before 42 was was all bad. It wasn't I've got good parents that have always tried to help me. They have We all make mistakes as parents. I'm a parent. I've made tons of mistakes My parents have made mistakes, but they're still good people and my dad especially And my mum as well, but my dad was always there for me Always knocking on the door if you like and trying to get through to me But I just wouldn't listen, you know, I wanted to do things my way You know, we did have a bit of a stripped up upbringing within church So I think when I was old enough to do what I wanted to do It was like a kid being let loose in a candy store. I wanted to try everything, you know And I did I had literally tried everything but I'm so happy to be where I am now, you know, I came out about my diagnosis I think it was about two weeks ago What I did was is I get my testimony in church So I stood up in for where we're any in a small church But I stood up in front of 100 people and told them about what I'm telling you now basically Well, let me just interrupt you for a second. What how did you go? How did you go from, you know, the man that you are Describing to us being somewhat reserved keeping to yourself private in many ways To getting into this diagnosis that was a complete shock to you And having to I don't know process all of that And then suddenly you're in front of your church like what happened? What what was that shift that happened there? I think, um, you know, I am reserved very reserved and and um The thought of getting up in front of 100 people or thought of Um coming on to youtube it terrified me and I am an overthinker I will think things to absolute ridiculous levels But watching people like yourself when you came out about your diagnosis You didn't really have anyone to back you up. I might be wrong there But I remember you're saying about your your parents and the church. You're in the time basically Shanya, um, I didn't have that. I've always had a good, you know backup crew as it were But just watching yourself watching other people and and the people that have died from from hiv And AIDS I just felt like I wanted to do something Play a small part however small it might be but just try and educate people about hiv And I can't do that if I keep it in the shadows as it were I need to come out with it to be able to educate people So I pushed myself out of my comfort zone Did coming clean to your wife about all these things that you had kept yourself for so long and The positive experience of doing that kind of I don't know reinforce You wanting to speak out about your diagnosis in a way? Yes, you know telling my wife everything, you know was hugely liberating and and and she you know, I didn't know how she was going to Respond to certain things that I told her but she didn't even flinch You know, it was almost like she knew already But um, you know when when she found out about the hiv she was there with me So obviously it came as a shock to both of us But that quickly settled down and I've always you know from pretty quickly after being diagnosed I want I wanted to do something but It's been a process over the past sort of two years of building up the comforts building up my body first because You know, I was in a bit of a bad way when I got diagnosed through drugs and things like that and just not looking after myself So the past two years has been a process of change. It didn't just happen overnight, you know First was getting my physical self, right Then my spiritual self, right And and now I feel I'm ready to do something And just help my my heart is with people I want to help people and that's what I want my future to be is helping people I don't want to be doing these mundane jobs. I've been doing for 30 years anymore I want to do something that I that I love My dream eventually would be to have my own gym to help people with with addiction Because I feel training and physical fitness is is you know, I can't put into words how beneficial it is Because it's helped me unbelievably and I have lads train with me in the gym all the time They asked me if they can train with me Young lads that are pumping themselves full of steroids of 19 20 years old And it just breaks my heart to see that because they just don't realize what damage they're doing They want everything now we live in a society where we want everything now Building muscle as you know as a natural bodybuilder takes time and a lot of dedication and a lot of hard work and Yeah, I just want to help people patience. Yeah, definitely persistence and so How did it come about that you Were speaking in front of your congregation. What was that conversation like and How did it go after that? I'm lucky enough to go to a church that and I'm not what you would think as a christ Christian is a bible bastion You know lunatic, you know people want to talk to me about my faith. I'm happy to talk about it but I won't force it on anyone but Our ministers john and joe they're awesome people. They really are such brilliant people their motto is loving god loving people And they do we've got all sexualities in our church all colors They don't care, you know and nor do I And that's the way it should be but I spoke to them told them about everything that happened with me and mj My wife told them about my diagnosis and I just said at some point. I want to give my testimony I just asked them how they would feel about that. They said they're fine No problem with that at all, but just do it when I feel it's ready and when I feel I'm ready my minister get a sermon one sunday and Said they want to ask if there's anyone in the congregation that wants to give their Testimony then please let us know and we're going to have a sunday service that is just for people Giving their testimonies and I thought well, this is it. So I asked them and they said go for it and I stood up there shaking like a leaf But I did it. I calmed down after about five minutes and I told everyone and there was nothing but I don't know what I was expecting but Everyone was high-fiving me afterwards and hugging me and kissing me and just saying well done You must have you're so brave I had messages all the next week coming from people through messenger and instagram Because it was watched online as well and I'm still getting messages now and that's not why I did it I just wanted to start that dialogue with people You know and this was the way of doing that and I've had people asking me, you know Um About hiv and are you okay and are you gonna die? Are you gonna live and this is how you get the ball rolling and now I'm now I'm able to educate people The best I can with the knowledge I have and that's why I did it. I just want to help people So it's as simple as that, you know, well, it's pretty amazing that they reacted the way they did I know a lot of people watching Probably are thinking yeah, I could never do that at my church and that would never But this is this is what I'm going to do Rafe, this is what I'm going to do. This is my plan Is I want to start a dialogue within the church and start talking about things that get swept under the carpet like sexuality hiv all these things affect everybody, you know and People of whatever sexuality should feel free to come into church. That's my view, you know, I've read the bible Um, my understanding of it is is that all should be welcome That was that's the teachings of of christ, you know, is all a welcome It should be above every church door All are welcome, but unfortunately it's not like that And I've seen that because I've been in church and out of church for 44 years So I've got a lot of experience. I've seen it all I've seen all the good the bad and the ugly in church and there is a lot of good people They're not they're not all bad and you get that in every walk of life You get a lot of scumbags and you get a lot of good people And I've met them all in church, but the church we're at they are super good people Really really nice people and they've been nothing but supportive to me and MJ and they've helped us out tremendously But yeah, I want to start a dialogue within church. That's my plan I'm actually giving a talk at another church in january So I'm giving my testimony again in january another church in in the town I've been asked to go and do that actually I didn't I didn't ask they asked me I'm going to a place in great yarmouth in april next year called teen challenge Which is a drug rehabilitation center. This is a christian organization. So And also another one in leicester, which is a city in england as well So the ball is starting to roll slowly and You know if anyone watching wants me to wants to talk to me or get in touch with me then You're quite willing to give them my details and uh, you know, hopefully we can get something going but that's the plan You know, I just want to do something and hopefully your kids know as well Yeah, what's what was has their response been like when I told him about um, I mean I didn't just do this Off a whim, you know, I spoke to my wife about it. I spoke to my parents about it I spoke to my whole wider family. I went to speak to them first and told them about my diagnosis first because I didn't want them hearing it second or third hand Um, so I got to them first told them the situation told them I'm only on one pillar day That's how much hiv affects me. They can obviously see as well. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in You know, I'm not perfect shape, but I'm in pretty good shape my age and um, so I did things I felt was the right way to tell them my family first and then Telling my kids why I'm doing what I'm doing and the first they were a bit shaky about it because I think they just didn't want me to Get teased or I was more worried about How they would be treated than myself, you know, I'm a big boy now so I can handle it But I just don't want my kids getting teased or or bullied because their dad's got hiv And so they weren't concerned about themselves Um, I think they were a little bit, you know, but the more I spoke to them about it and the more I educated them on and why I wanted to do it and you know, they're okay with it Yeah, but I wouldn't have probably done it if they were, you know, like I say my family is the most important thing to me And I'm playing capture now if you like But yeah, I wanted to I wanted to know what they think Um, I think that's important. Have you faced any stigma related to your diagnosis? And the first I faced is when I went to the dentist about six months after my diagnosis And I had to put down on a form I had hiv I handed it back to the lady at reception And I don't know whether it's just my mind running, but I almost ran out of the the dentist shop because I didn't want to write it down And I was very nervous about You know at that early stage about people knowing but I wrote it down give it to the receptionist and she was giving me such weird looks and When I went in to have my teeth cleaned They looked like they were ready to go on a nasa space shuttle I don't know if that's how they're supposed to dress, but they were literally Dressed from head to day. There wasn't a piece of skin Exposed goggles masks a big white all-in-one suit And I'll just laugh this was for a teeth cleaning Another one was when I set up this channel started posting just little clips of me training and stuff like that Someone put a comment you deserve to die Which are quickly deleted and Yeah, so apart from that. I haven't faced anything yet, but I'm sure I'm going to Well, it's a shame that you would experience that in a in a healthcare setting Which is where people are supposed to be the most educated and the most trained Yeah, I found that I was actually having to educate them, you know, I did actually start Yeah, I went for another check up about six months after that for a fill in and the dentist was asking He was actually pretty good. He was asking me questions about my my diagnosis and how I am and I started telling him and Telling them I'm training and getting my life together and blah blah blah Was he aware of you equals you? Yes. Yeah. Okay. He was actually yes. Yeah I think people still find that hard to grasp. I trained in the morning Very early in the morning And there's always the same group of people in there and they all know now that I've got hiv because I'm I'm pretty much telling everyone that And what my plans are for the future and Well, what I hope they're going to be for the future and It's all been positive I think that if anyone has got anything negative to say, well, he'll be done behind my back. It won't be done to my face So, uh, you know We just have to wait and see I'm prepared for it. Anyway You know, I'm sure there's going to be um haters out there. There always is but You know, let them hate. Yep Waste of time to worry about it. Yeah, it just it just doesn't uh, just bounces off me. I'm pretty thick skin You know, I've been through far worse than uh, yeah getting faced with stuff like that so Well, thank you so much for Taking the time to talk and share and be so open about Your life and all your struggles and I mean, I I know that you're aware at this point But it's it really has an impact on people when They can hear experiences that you've gone through that they have gone through as well And the way that you have managed to work through it and come out the other side Not just survive, but you're really like Living in your best self and thriving. Like I said, you know, my life started at 42 You know, my kids have got their dad back. My wife has got a husband back My mom and dad have got their son back and my sister's got a brother back And I feel like I'm now being what I was supposed to be, you know I'm finding out what lane I'm comfortable in what lane I should be in and I'm just I'm discovering who I am. It's exciting You know, I'm buzzing every day, you know, I really am, you know And I'm sure, you know, to some people watching 42 seems ancient, but it's not it is it's quite young actually You have Some of your best years ahead of you Thanks for giving me the opportunity, of course Uh for people who want to follow I'm sure there's going to be people who want to follow you Your channels and your socials and stuff like that. Where can they find you? Uh, my youtube is peter c46 and my instagram is Peter c106 you've got all the details for it. Anyway, so I'm sure you have Yeah, I'll put all of this in the description box below the video once it goes live And if you want to follow up at any time then by all means, let me know And what do you say that to folks who are interested in fitness are interested in bodybuilding In really reclaiming their physical health But are worried or have trepidation or or what have you? Well, um, I started off Working out at home to begin with just to build my confidence up for about six months I I worked out at home first and just got my body used to train and again Walk in anything, you know, and then I just caught myself in the gym and I was I was nervous But I just thought I'm doing it, you know, I don't care what people think of me, you know at the time I was Really skinny when I went into the gym, but now You know, I'm one of the biggest guys in there, you know, and I've made loads of new friends through going to the gym It's not just a training thing. I've made lots of new acquaintances and friends through going to the gym as well So you You are taking steroids or no. No god. No. I'm not on steroids. No steroids. Okay I just want to be clear for for people watching so they don't assume. Oh, well, he must be taking steroids No, not at all. I mean, uh, I'm too terrified. I don't even take protein shakes All right, the needles the needles The needy I couldn't do right now You know, there's there's pills you can take if steroids if you want to if you want to do that But I wouldn't recommend it, you know, I don't know much harder on your liver and your kidneys Yeah, I mean when I I was using, um, pro I was having protein shakes, but my When I went to get my blood work done the creatinine levels in my kidneys were elevated to such a level that it's scared to live in Bejesus out of the the lady that was testing my blood So she told me to stop taking them So I I don't take any supplements whatsoever. Everything I put in my body is real natural food Um, I don't drink anymore. I don't smoke anymore. I don't take drugs anymore I completely tea-tape or total that's not because I'm going to church or anything like that. It's just my personal choice You know, I've spent years abusing my body And now I'm looking after it. And so does a doctor ever tell you you can't Train or you can't build muscle because you're living with HIV No, I was never told that I was never told that I couldn't I wouldn't have listened to him anyway But you know because I love doing it, but they they they did say it's better to do it as natural as possible You know, so it's just my personal choice. I just don't take anything at all You know, because I just don't know what's in it. I eat a lot of eggs I eat a lot of meat just proper food a lot of vegetables You know, it's the balanced diet, you know, I'm not I'm not anywhere near as stripped as you are with your diet Because I've got five kids. It's impossible. I had a mcdonald's tonight So Um, normally I do the cooking at home Um, so my wife said to me before I leave and come and do this with you. She says you better get dinner sorted So I had to go out to mcdonald's quick and get something normally. I don't need that What did you have? A big mac meal Okay, damn good Listen, I've had my fair share recently even Um, no, but I really wanted to just you know Harp on that because a lot of people watching they get hung up on this idea that they can't build muscle They can't go to the gym. They can't train just because they're living with hiv regarding supplements again Physical activity and eating in eating right is applicable to everyone for the most part I would say However, when it does come to supplements, it's definitely varies person to person for you You know, it made your creatinine levels spike for me I've been taking supplements every day for I don't know the better part of a decade and I didn't have any reactions in my lab So that's that's a more personal kind of thing that you have to work out with your doctor Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not I'm not knocking anyone that takes supplements. You know, it's just my personal choice You know, yeah, I don't want to right hander off you either But yeah, um Yeah, it's just my personal choice, you know, I'd be you know I was putting all sorts of stuff in my body for for years and I just like to know what I'm putting in and You know, it freaked me out a bit when they told me the creatinine levels were spiking in my kidneys So I just thought I'm not I'm not doing it. You know, I'm not having anything And I'm not doing fine without it. Yeah, I mean I'm yeah, like you say people tell you can't build muscle They're talking absolute rubbish Because I've been training again now for three years nearly it's about two and a half years And I've gone from about a hundred I put about 60 pounds on since my diagnosis, you know I've got I'm carrying a little bit of fat. Don't get me wrong. You know, I'm not shredded by any means I'll never be shredded, but I've put a lot of muscle on and I'm I'm strong, you know, I'm pretty strong And uh, so if anyone tells you you can't get strong and you can't, you know Put muscle on there. They don't know what I'm talking about. I just don't listen But it doesn't mean that it's easy. No mistake. What's possible for what's easy It is it is bloody hard work, you know, and it takes a lot of dedication a lot of commitment I'm in the gym six days a week even if I'm ill. I'm going to the gym, you know I don't think I've missed the day and I'm not not exaggerating or lying at all I don't think I can't remember I've missing a day apart from my rest day, which is on a sunday Occasionally I might have a Saturday off if I'm taking the kids out somewhere or going out on a family trip or something like that But I make it up in the week Um, I'm training at least five days a week. I do it old school chest on a Monday back You know arms legs You know shoulders. That's the way I train and it's working for me and I love it. So well amazing Again peter. Thank you so much Folks at home be sure to check out his social you can follow along as he Continues his bodybuilding journey and sharing his his story with everyone Please like this video if you liked it subscribe if you haven't already hit that bell So you get a notification every time a new video comes out Maybe one day we'll have a little follow-up with peter So please I'm on positive plus one as positive plus one. Oh, right. That's the new app that I've been talking to you guys about Awesome app. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So positive plus one. It's not available everywhere I believe right now it's available in the us canada the uk south africa australia and new zealand But it will be rolling out to more locations as time goes on And I will be sure to let you know when that happens So please share this with anyone who you think might find value in this That's the best way that you can help support me and my channel Until next time. Cheers. Thank you, brother