 Hi, this is Chichu. Welcome to my channel. Now what I want to do is read you a post that I made on my site, which was basically a reply that I had made to a post on a forum back in 2009. And basically the intro to it is basically I got up in the morning, and usually in the morning I check my news sources and do a little surfing. And I came across this request, this post on a forum, and I go to forums a lot. I've been online since the beginning of the 1990s, I guess. And I use forums a lot to communicate with people because most forums are not censored. It's the best way to share information and to get information and to ask questions and do research. So I came across this post on a forum and the post was basically someone had lost a family member. And they were looking for advice. They were sort of reaching out because they were sort of lost and they didn't know what to do. And for me, I've gone through that experience before. So I wasn't really planning on getting into something heavy like this when I got up that morning. But the person was reaching out, so I decided to reply to their thread. And my reply was well received, so I took my reply and I posted it on my website back in 2009 as well. And I thought I'd do the next level on this and share this information through video, through YouTube. Because I sort of consider... There's some censorship going on, but I sort of consider this channel to be an open forum for myself. I don't really censor things, comments, and I try to reply to a lot of comments. Or most comments anyway, some comments I don't reply to. And the only thing I really censor from my channel is anything related to spam. So it is an open forum as far as I'm concerned. So I thought it was worthwhile circulating this information as well. Just in case you're looking for such advice. And if you rather read what I have written, I'll provide the link to the post on the new site anyway. So I'll provide a link to this post that I made on my site. And you can just read the information sort of point form. And again, this was, you know, stir the moment. I didn't really... I just wrote down what came to my mind and there is a lot more to this. But this is sort of just the preliminary stuff. So if you've been hit with this kind of event, maybe this will help you out. If you know someone that has gone through an experience like this, maybe it will help you out as well. So basically, the first paragraph is sort of me explaining that I hadn't planned on making this post. So what I'm going to do is read you what the person had posted on the thread. The question that they were asking or the advice that they were looking for. And then I'm going to read you what I posted. And then after we've done this, I'm just going to... Just some afterthoughts. Just a couple of more points. And I'm not sure if I'll follow this up. But if it's required, if it's needed, I may consider it. Or I will if it's needed, because that's my... It is what it is, right? If the advice, if help is needed, I will try my best to comment or reply to follow up on this video or on this post. So the person posted the following, started the following thread. My parents just lost their son of 27 years. I am now an only child. Will it ever get easier for them? Or will this bear on their soul until the eventual day where I must say goodbye? I guess I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking for. Stories, anecdotes, puns and assholes maybe. I want to be there for my mom and dad, but I'm unsure of what may even help. What in the world can help someone overcome the grief of having lost a child? My life has changed from this moment on. Everything I hope to do from now on is to try and bring my parents the happiness of two sons. End quote. The following is my reply, and I sort of made it into 20 points. And I mentioned the opening sentence that here's my two cents, and please forgive me for not sugarcoating my reply. Point number one. Just so that you know where my reply is coming from. I have buried two brothers. One was 26 years old and the other 28. First one, we lost when I was in my early 20s. And the second one was in my mid 30s. Both of them were completely different experiences. Both of them were devastating. Number two. The following is the biggest mistake you can make. The only thing I hope to do from now on is to try and bring my parents the happiness of two sons. If you try and do this, you will make everyone miserable. Number three. Your feelings, emotions will change with time. So embrace each stage completely. Do not try to run away from your responsibilities to your family. But make sure that you also show your loved ones that you also share their pain. The worst thing you can do is to allow people to think that they are the only ones that hurt. That being said, no one will feel more pain than your parents, not even you. Number four. One thing I used to say to people when they asked me what it was like to lose a family member was that it's an experience you would want your closest friends to know, but you would not wish upon your worst enemies. And I really meant this. I have learned to appreciate every moment of life, which is something I rarely see in others. It took me a long time to get to this state, but it is there when you are ready for it. Number five. Life will always taste a little bitter from now on, and that's not a bad thing. It's just another flavor, a flavor which can make you appreciate all the beauty of life. Number six. No one will understand how you feel. No one will understand how you feel. Your relationship with your brother and with your family is unique. So don't expect people to have answers for you. Number seven. Deal with what has happened to the best of your abilities and learn from your mistakes. Don't expect to be good, right, perfect, etc. all the time. Just do the best. Just do the best you can with what you know. Later you may wish you did something differently, but always remember that you did the best with what you knew at the time. Number eight. Let loose when you need to, with friends or with strangers, but don't wallow on your misery for too long, just long enough to be exhausted. Then begin to build your life again. Build up your life again. Number nine. The best way to remember and live your life as if you have not lost a loved one is to take what they loved and incorporate it into your life. This is super important. If you love to read, begin to read. If they love to read, begin to read. If they love sports, start playing sports. If they love the certain type of music, start listening to it. Basically begin to incorporate the best of who they were into who you are. Forget about what you disliked about them. Number ten. Don't forget to cry with joy. There will come a time when you will yearn for the times that you could shed tears for them for hours. Hold on to that feeling and figure out how to tap into it. It will bring you joy in the future. Number eleven. Let your parents be as miserable as they want to be or pretend that everything is okay. Number twelve. Your parents and you will most likely begin to become partially self-destructive. It's okay to do this. Just make sure you do not let it destroy you or your parents. Number thirteen. Family. Many families split up after there is a death in the family. If your parents want a divorce, support them. Help them to transition into their new life. Remember, divorce does not mean the end of family. Number fourteen. As you should be aware by now, nothing material matters except for those little trinkets that remind you of your brother. Make sure they become a part of you. Number fifteen. You will build amazing friendships over the next few years and lose some close friends. This is a good thing. Number sixteen. Do not live your life for anyone else other than yourself. This will make your parents happy and will hopefully provide them a good example to follow. Of course, they may be doing the same thing for you. This being said, there is nothing more important than family so make sure you are there for them when you are needed. Number seventeen. It will take a while, years, until you fully digest what has happened. Savor those years. Number eighteen. As far as I say things, there is no such thing as death. Number nineteen. I read some of the comments and I think you are doing the right thing. Keep your shit together and make sure everything is taken care of for the next few weeks. It's important that your parents do not have to worry about the technicalities. So make sure all phone calls are made and all the paperwork is done. You'll have plenty of time to mourn and reflect. Years. Number twenty. Try to refrain from making too many permanent decisions for a while. Those were my twenty points that came to my mind at that moment when I was posting the reply to this comment to this thread. And someone added, there were some comments, replies made to my comment and some personal messages I got thanking me for writing this out. But one of the comments made, I thought it was worthy that I should have pointed out but this was sort of a stir in the moment. And the addition that I made to my post, which I thought was a good recommendation was the following, quoting someone else now. The only thing I can add to your advice is to get help, therapy, grief group, some sort of support that is not your immediate family. So the advice I would add is to talk with someone who knows or can understand your pain without personally knowing your loved one. It gives you freedom to let your pain out so you can heal. Even a group grief session once or twice can help. And that's sound advice. Just as an afterthought, the two, you know, each of the points here sort of came from the heart and what I could remember at the time. There's more to this of course, that I didn't have time to share some of the things that I did that helped me out. But the two really important aspects that I can really highlight from this, there's more than two, but two of them would be the last point I made, which is really important, which is when you're under stress, don't make any permanent decisions. Or don't make any decisions that are going to have repercussions for the rest of your life. So tread lightly, tread softly, think about what you're doing because you don't want to make any silly mistakes, silly decisions when you're under a lot of stress that you may regret later on. When you have time to think and digest what has happened. For me, one of the things that I did which really helped me out was the ninth point I had here, which is take what you loved about them, whoever it is that you might have lost, and incorporate what they loved into your life. Really, I'll see you guys in the next video.