 relationship, you know, prior to getting engaged. And I got me thinking about all in and how that relates to commitment. So today we're gonna dive into the four stages a man goes through before he fully commits. And I think this will be really valuable information for everyone. Now, we have to recognize that a lot of couples today attach at a very, they attach and bond in an unhealthy way. I'm gonna repeat that. They attach and bond in an unhealthy way. In many cases, people are experiencing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that make it very difficult for them to actually form a healthy, happy relationship with another human being. And because humans are thirsty for companionship, they're thirsty for connection, they're thirsty for physical intimacy with one another, there's this hyper focus on attraction in the early stages without really determining true compatibility with another human being. Say that, let me say that again, true compatibility with another human being. Why did these men take so long? Because compatibility takes time, building a relationship with a person takes time and you have to really lean into that desire for men in particular to reach that point of saying, I want to be all in and what is all in? It means I want to take care of you. I'm gonna repeat that one more time. I wanna take care of you. That's what all in means. That doesn't necessarily mean financially take care of you, but it's like the wedding vows for better, for poorer, for richer, for thin, for richer, for thin in sickness and in health. In other words, it's not just about the good times. See today, most relationships hyper focus on all the good and they're unaware of these four stages of really building a partnership with someone that helps develop that healthy, juicy, delicious, happy relationship I often talk about. So the other day I was reading about, this is something I've known for some time called the 90 day rule, the 90 day rule. And basically it says something to the effect that if a relationship reaches a 90 day mark, it has a greater chance for relationship success than it doesn't. Now that seems to make sense and I wanna share my own personal experience here. After my significant relationship ended some six years ago, actually, yeah, it was six years ago, the beginning of this month. I didn't think about it. My dating was rather sparse and what I mean to say, I made effort in dating, but it was certainly it wasn't this going out on a date once a week. I was a bit selective and I found myself going through experiences like this and maybe you can relate. I'd meet someone online through a dating app, dating apps, right? Dating apps, all my apps are no longer on my phone, my dating apps and I'd connect with someone, we'd go back and forth, we'd communicate with one another and we have a first date. Now it seems to me that probably in those six years before or those five years before I met my sweetheart Marie, there's a picture of her right there. I went on several dozens of first dates and of those several dozens, I think it was probably maybe 30 in a period of six years, maybe 40, something like that. I think only three of them ever got to a second date. Three of them out of these 40 in this period of time, never got to a second date. Now for some of them, most of the time I wasn't interested in them and there were a couple that weren't interested in me and I do specifically remember that two of them turned into second dates and in these two second dates, actually these numbers aren't accurate, there were more than three that got to a second date or but let me just keep going with this. Now that I come back, there's a couple other women in there. So really quickly, very of that 40, 50 people, maybe now I'm increasing it to 50 because I'm not 100% sure because I had a lot of meet and greets, very few of them got to a second date and I remember specifically only one ever made it to three, four, five, six, seven, eight dates of those one. And so coming back to what I was talking about within this 90 day rule, you think about it, at a 50, let's say meet and greets, only one of them got to a third, fourth or fifth date and that one didn't even make it to the 90 day mark. Now this can be very discouraging to think about this but that's the reality of life. We're not a fit for most people. Most people aren't in an emotionally healthy place to actually form a healthy, happy relationship. So when I talk about what I'm gonna talk about today is for those people who are serious about a relationship, they're serious about partnership, they're serious about commitment and they're in an emotionally good place to get there because when you attach to someone in an unhealthy place, okay, why would men hit this 90 day mark and bail on someone, okay? And I had a few of those prior to, shortly after my marriage, I had a few relationships that hit the 90 day mark and it didn't go anywhere. It was because I realized in the beginning stages when the chemistry was taking us off in the rocket ship and I was excited on that high, once I got past that high, I had to evaluate is this person really right for me? Do I really feel this, do I feel like this is the right person for me? And usually it took off in six weeks and then it started to drop after six weeks and it hit that 90 day mark. This isn't an accurate number, this is just merely a guideline, but after 90 days, and I think this is true for all men, we kind of have this evaluation, is this person someone I want to go on this ride with? Do I wanna go on this ride of being in relationship with? And yet, here's the tricky part. An emotionally unhealthy man, emotionally who is wounded, who has unresolved traumas, unresolved unhealed wounds in his life, he's going to want that companionship connection and sex and he'll settle for mediocrity. A lot of men will settle on a mediocre relationship because having some connection with someone, having some companionship, having some sex is better than none. This got me thinking, and now I'm gonna do a rabbit here. This got me thinking to how many men are in marriages who are unhappy in marriages, but won't go anywhere? Do you realize that women initiate 70 to 80% of divorces and men don't? Why? Because a man will be in an unhappy relationship and stick with it. Now some of those men might cheat and get their needs met elsewhere or they hyper focus in their professional capacity to get their needs met, but think about that for a second. See, women initiate more divorces because they want something deeper, which I'm about to share. So I'm gonna, today I'm gonna apply, I have to read my notes for a second for everyone because this isn't something I memorized. Today I'm going to apply the Tuckman model to illustrate a point, the Tuckman model. Tuckman stages of development, the FSNP described the four stages of psychological development a team goes through as they work on a project. Teams move through each stage as they overcome challenges, learn to work together and eventually focus on accomplishing a shared goal. Can I read that again, everybody? The Tuckman stages of development described the four stages of psychological development a team goes through as they work on a project, teams move through each stage as they overcome challenges, learn to work together and eventually focus on accomplishing a shared goal. See, don't you all want to be in a team? Don't you wanna be in a partnership with someone? I know that when Marie and I first met, we wanted that. And in a moment, I'm gonna share those four stages, but we had to get, and so those four stages are critically important. So I want you to take notes. If you're watching the replay, write this down and eventually go Google this. And again, I'm applying something to romantic relationships. For the first stage is the norming stage, the norming stage. Now, norming is mostly focused on attraction, okay? But there's more to it than that. And when I think about Marie and I in those early stages of dating, what was it that got us in this norming stage? Or excuse me, oh, I totally screwed up. I read it wrong. I apologize. The forming stage, the forming stage. I wish I could go back and edit this, but I can't. I was reading my notes and I read it wrong. The forming stage. Just like Marie and I began to form this relationship together. Now I made some notes of what it took for us to get in this forming stage. Of course, we had mutual attraction for one another. I think it was physical and emotional, but it wasn't off the charts attraction. There was actually more emotional chemistry between the two of us than it was actually physical chemistry. We both had time to invest in the relationship, the getting to know you period. We had the time to invest. This is where a lot of you get involved in these long distance dynamics. See, this only counts once you're physically, physically in each other's space and you're physically getting together with one another on a regular basis. In our case, we had time to invest. We also vibed well with each other. We just vibed well with each other. We just seemed to share the same things in life. We didn't have a lot of friction. We didn't have arguments about vaccines or politics or religion. We just seemed to vibe well together on the things we were both interested in. We had similar relationship visions. We were both financially stable. I think that's a critically important piece of the puzzle because when you consider that 50% of all marriage divorces cite money as the problem, it's good to be in a good financial place. We lined up sexually with one another. We had really good sex once we began being physically intimate with one another. We shared similar values. I know one of our values was punctuality and there's multitude of values. If you Google, just type in list of values, you'll see what values and I would invite you to look at the most important ones for yourself. And we tended to operate as a team right from the very beginning when we were planning, we were a long distance relationship. When we were planning trips together, we worked as a team. We took turns paying. It was like figuring out our schedules. We were planning trips together. It was like figuring out our schedules. We were operating as a team. We were in this forming stage in our relationship. And this is true of the beginning stages of commitment. We need to form together, okay? In a healthy way. Many of you are attaching in an unhealthy way. We can talk about that when we do Q and A. Now the next stage, and again, I wanna repeat, I misspoke in the beginning, it's forming in the first stage. The second stage is storming. This is where your differences begin to emerge. I know, see in your storming stage, this is where your differences begin to surface up, surface or to the top, rise to the top. And this is where it can be, oh, excuse me for slurping. This is where it can be contentious. Your communication styles can be different. Your investment in the relationship can be different. In other words, your desire for commitment could be different. When I talk about communication styles, I know women oftentimes expect men to initiate all of the communication. And I can tell you for most part, men in midlife are tired of being the ones initiating. Now, doesn't, but that means he's not a man, Jonathan, because men are provider protectors and they're supposed to initiate and they're supposed to lead the relationship. You know, I know a significant percentage of people who by the time they admit life, they've gone through divorce and just keep in mind roughly 75% of people over 45 years of divorce, they're gun shy, they're burnt out. So again, the expectation of communication style might not, might create tension between two people as an example or the expectation of how much you communicate. And they start having these differences and through these differences, they're storming in the relationship. Now, a lot of men want it easy, so they bail in this space. Oh, I should have said in the early, in the forming stage, remember that 90 day period where it takes off and kind of comes back down, they're in that forming stage, kind of keep getting confusing the two, the forming stage and they go, you know, she's not the one for me. And by the way, you ladies go through this experience as well. Sadly, many of you will bond to a man that you're not happy with either. I want you to think about that. How many of you are attached to, have been attached to a man who wasn't right for you and yet you wanted to make it work? You found the money pit and you're like, I wanna invest more and more of myself into this broken home, hoping it's gonna yield some results later on down the road. So coming back to the storming stage, this is where most people fall apart. Men sadly want it easy. Most, let me reframe that. Most unconscious, emotionally wounded men want it easy. Someone like myself, I knew this was going to happen between the two of us and we've had a couple, our differences certainly do surface up. And we have the capacity to talk through these differences and in the friend of mine calls them threshold barriers. When you cross a threshold barrier, a storm with someone, it strengthens your relationship. It's like the way steel is made. When you temper it with heat and then pound it and temper it with heat and pound it. That's how it becomes stronger. See, it's through the storming stage when you can overcome the bumps. Now, sometimes they're just little bumps and sometimes they're gigantic bumps. A lot of people don't make it past that. That's just the reality of life. But when you get through the bumps, you reach the next stage of, of norming, overcoming the differences because the whole is greater than the parts. What that means to say is you're in a state of gratitude for this relationship because there's more good in the relationship than there is bad. Now, for some people, the bad is just unbearable and it's not worth staying in. This is true for men and women alike. But when you can get to this norming stage where you've gone through some of your bumps and you can start, you know, and you feel a sense of trust with one another. You feel a sense of trust. In that trust, trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? See, that's what should start to feel like in the norming stage. You should feel a sense of trust. Now, for some couples, they've reached this space of calm, but they're actually, they're still in mediocre relationships. They're in mediocre relationships. This is where they feel unfulfilled. So you can reach this stage, but still feel unfulfilled in this space. This is why reaching the fourth stage is critically important. And that's the performing stage, the performing stage. And I'm gonna repeat all these one more time. Can someone write it in the chat box or someone write it in the replay in the comments? The performing stage, a shared vision and growing together consciously. It's finding that space where you really bond together in a common way, where you have this shared vision, this shared passion with one another. You know, I think for my sweetheart, she's addicted to travel and I've certainly got the travel bug right now. And so that's something we have a shared vision. We have already, we have trips planned for the next year. We have three big trips planned over the next year and we're working, actually, technically we have four. We already have this plan. We have this shared vision. It's in this space of growing together. We do work, oh, by the way, someone, let me just put these stages again. The first stage is forming. The second stage is storming. The third stage is norming and the fourth stage, which I'm talking about right now, is performing. And this is where you actually are mutually investing in the relationship from this heart-centered space of talking about more intimate things, because in this space, and you're talking about your passion, your dreams, your vision, and you find that mutual space together, that's where you're actually performing at a much higher level. And so the Tuckman model that I'm using for this illustration, I feel it can be applied in relationships as well. In fact, there's a really interesting book I wanna share with everyone. This is a business book called The Partnership Charter, How to Start Out Right with Your New Business Partnership. You know, why I'm recommending this book is because when you think about it, when two business people get together and they decide to form a partnership, there's this mutual exchange that happens with one another. You see, a lot of data, oh my God, there's so much rhetoric out there that is insisting upon telling women that men are the leaders of the relationship and you are in a submissive role. And I'm here to say the best relationships are a co-creative dynamic where you take the strengths and weaknesses of another and you balance it together and you find what you're good at, like Marie is good at travel, she's good at planning these things. I'm terrible at this stuff. See, this is where we reach this performing stage as an example and you take your strengths and weaknesses and apply it to the relationship, not in a one up, one down dynamic that we've been sold for hundreds of thousands of years, but in a partnership type of dynamic. Because you don't need a leader in the relationship, what you need is a co-operative person in relationships. The best relationships are with two givers. And being co-operative in a team like fashion, think of all the basketball championships like the Boston Celtics or the Lakers had. It's because they had coaches that taught them to work as a team. And I'm here to say, just like those guys that talked about earlier that said it took them a while to get to all in, I want to encourage how to get all in at a earlier stage by recognizing these stages of relationship and applying just some of the simple tools I shared today to help you form a healthy, happy relationship. All right, I'm gonna repeat it one more time. It's the forming, storming, norming and performing. That's the Tuckman's model, Tuckman's model. All right, I hope you have found value in this. If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel, hit that bell. If you have some thoughts, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear them. If you need some support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, it's time for Q and A since we're doing a live stream for those who know my format. If you have a question, write the word question then post the question thereafter or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. It's the little dollar sign in the chat box. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. He's my son who passed away going on five years ago in two weeks. And his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and the Seeds of Love, which is an organization that helps children who've been abandoned by their parents because they have a terminal illness in the country of Columbia. And we donate to them as well. So all of your, all the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes there and the super thanks if you're watching the replay. All right, let's see who has some questions. I saw one earlier pop in. Crystal, I've been in a relationship for almost a year and last night he called me wifey. Does this mean something special? What I mean is, is this a sign to me that he sees us, what he sees for us? You know, it's interesting. First, my first thought is this, Crystal. What is the context that he means wifey? For example, if I had a contentious ex-spouse who was demanding, controlling, needy, belligerent, bitchy, whatever the term you wanna use. And I was experiencing the same thing from you. I might illustrate, you remind me of my ex-wife, okay? Not in a good way, okay? Now, I doubt, Crystal, that's exactly what he was talking about. I think what wifey means is acting in partnership. So certainly he recognizes that there's something in your dynamic that feels, I suspect, feels good to him like a partner and he was illustrating that. See, what I would encourage you to do is ask what that meant to him. What was the context? You can simply say, Tim, you know, you said something the other day that I found really interesting. Is it okay if I share it with you? He's most likely going to say yes, because you framed it in a positive way. You called me wifey the other day and I'm really curious, and you do this with a big smile, I'm really curious what that meant. And you could even add a twist to it. It goes, you know, I know a lot of men have unhappy relationships with their wife. Is that what you're experiencing? You know, I mean, actually, let me retract that. I wouldn't go with that. I would simply go, wow, that was kind of interesting. What inspired you to say that? See, create a dialogue with one another and this builds intimacy. That's right, this builds intimacy. See, many of you out there are experiencing surface relationships. You're not having deeper conversations with one another, particularly about your relationship. You know, for those of us in midlife, we don't have time to mess around. I'm here to say, the sooner we get to an understanding of is this person really serious about commitment. That's really one of the first things you have to recognize is this person serious about wanting a life mate. By the way, I'm going off on a tangent, Chris Stoll, but I'm here to say, ladies, that's one of the most important questions you want answered right from the very beginning. Does this person want a life mate? Most people only want, I'd say 80% of men only want a casual relationship. And maybe of those 80%, you know, few of them think it might turn into, okay. When a man enter, it's like, if you enter into a job half-assed, how successful are you gonna be at this job? See, you have to go in with a desire of it being, you know, an all or nothing type of thing. And I know that goes against all the rules out there. But I'm here to say is you're either all in or you're all out. There is no in between. Many of you are experiencing these in between relationships. And let me ask you, how fulfilled do you feel in these relationships? Probably not very fulfilled. All right, Crystal, so coming back to it, I would just have this happy conversation to ask him. And then this allows for deeper intimacy to be built between the two of you, okay. Thanks so much. Hey, by the way, everyone, I want you to think, I want to thank you all for the kind Father's Day comments. I really appreciate it. I'm heading out with my son today to go grab breakfast together and I'll post a picture in the community page later. Ava G says, these four stages are also part of project management. That's exactly what I said, Ava, in the beginning. This is the Tuckman's model that uses for team building. And I'm applying it to relationships as well. All right. Catherine says, I agree, partnership and teamwork are absolutely essential. I agree. Megan wrote, I have a constant struggle as a woman between desiring commitment and fearing it. I don't feel like I'm not very experienced with men at 40 post-divores. You know, I want to address something to Megan and this is for everybody. Rejection is part of this process. See, everybody wants to believe that relationships are easy or that finding a relationship is easy. Finding a relationship is easy. Almost everybody has this fantasy. I'm going to dare say delusion that finding a really good life mate is easy. I'm here to say it is far from easy. It is herculean work in many cases. Some people get lucky very early on. But like myself, I've had to persevere through, you know, I've been through a significant marriage and divorce. I went through a significant relationship. It didn't work out. I've had hundreds and hundreds of meet and greets in my life. After that, maybe, you know, dozens and dozens of second or third dates with people, a handful of short-lived experiences. Okay, I'm not proud of that. I'm sharing with you that bonding with another human being is a complicated thing. And the one thing I recognized after my son passed away that the missing ingredient most of the time was me. What I mean by missing ingredient was I didn't really love myself. That's why I went on to write this book. It's not a dating book. What the heck is self-love anyway is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work? By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend. It wasn't until I was in a really good place to be a partner for someone. And even after I began this journey into that one when Connor passed away, it took me another three years or four years to really be in a place where I could be partners with someone. See, you said fearing it. And I desired commitment, but I was both fearing it and I had a lot of baggage, a lot of luggage, a lot of trauma that still needed to be healed. And remember I said earlier, there's the forming, storming, norming and performing. Part of the performing stages with my new relationship, I'm still healing. And I believe she as well are wounds that caused us to be in the position that we're in. And what I mean to say is when a person is in their sovereignty, their wholeness, their self-reliance, they have strong self-worth, self-esteem, self-reliance and self-confidence, they're not going through the hundreds and hundreds of experiences I went through. So I get this is what you're feeling, but remember, there's nothing easy about this work. There's nothing easy about finding a good partner, but I had one thought that overwrought everything. And that thought was I knew I wanted a committed relationship and I would do whatever it took to make that happen in my life. I knew I wanted it and I would do the work to get there and I recognized that rejection, disappointment, unfulfillment, frustration, even pain was part of the process. And all that did was make me stronger. Just like I talked about forging steel through the heat and the pressure can something become strong enough to really be able to be a good person in relationship as well. Thank you so much for your share. I really appreciate it. Hey, Leafs is in the house. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right, Gina writes question. He took me for a massage dinner and dessert on my birthday. He calls me special of late. Is this man in love with me? That's certainly a good sign. He cares for you deeply. That's certainly a really good sign that he cares for you deeply. You know, love is such a fickle intangible. It is such a fickle intangible. And you can love someone and they still not be right for you. You can love someone. See, love to me is just another word for strong care. See, we oftentimes idolize love as it's the all in that we talked about before. See, love doesn't mean all in. Love doesn't mean all in. We want it to mean all in, but it doesn't mean all in. When I say I love you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're the right person for me nor do I want you to be the right person for me. It just simply is an expression of care. He has certainly done loving acts. And what I would encourage you to do, depending on how long you've been dating with one another is begin to bond through emotional intimacy, emotional intimacy. If you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. Read this so you can understand where true bonding lies together within couples. Most men bond with women through the doing of things, which includes sex. That's how we bond. It's in the doing of things and it's in the building of friendship with one another. See, friends are those people that you can share your most inner thoughts, feelings. And a lot of couples are just going through the motions and relationships. By the way, I would say probably 90% of all dynamics today, experiences today are very transactional, especially for those men that desire a one up, one down type of relationship. I pay the bills and you have sex with me whenever I want. I pay the bills and you go on trips me whenever I want. I pay the bills and you look sexy hot so I can show you off to people. See, it's very transactional. Most people are experiencing transactional relationship. I'm here to encourage deeper commitment. By the way, I'm not here at the expert showing you how to get there. I'm just pointing you in a direction. I want you to read these books so you can find your own way to a better relationship. So thank you so much for your question, Gina. All right, Kim Kim Kimmi writes, Kim K writes. How do you know if you've met the one? You know, I'm not sure if I believe in the words the one, but I do know I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds and it's not thousands of happy couples. They all first say the unique aspect of their relationship is they are in relationship with their best friend. That's what it feels like. So first you feel like the two of you feel like, not that you feel like it's the best friend, the two of you feel like you're good friends with one another. In other words, the person you get up in the morning and wanna share your happy joys with one another, that's how it should feel. It should feel calm, it should feel relatively at ease. That's when you know you have a really good potential partner in your life. It feels calm, you feel at ease. All right, thanks for that question. I really appreciate Bella writes question. What's a good way to raise the fact you're keen to meet his family when he's not showing it as a big deal? He seems to say, just not that important to him. I don't want to sound needy or chasing. Well, it's disappointing that someone with view meeting family is not a big deal. That's disappointing. I would think, you know, introducing each other to your family is something you should do with pride. I mean, that's sad. I remember when Marie met my son, I did that with pride when I met her children. I was very proud to see that. So what does this say? He doesn't value family. You know, ask him about his values. Does he value family? What does family mean to him? If the meaning is low, then you have to ask yourself, do you share the same value when it comes to family? I know without it, it would be a challenge in my relationship if we didn't value the importance of family with one another. And so in this particular case, I definitely invite you to really dig in, dig deep. Because this isn't about you being needy or chasing. Family is an important root. When you're connected with each other's family, that's a strong root to build trust with one another. Once you think of a tree in a hurricane wind, if it has no roots, what's gonna happen? It's gonna blow away. Our family connections are an important root to establish a real healthy relationship. So coming back to the hurricane wind, the storms, when you're rooted there, it helps bond your relationship together. So Bella, I would invite you to find out what does family mean to you? By the way, does everyone agree with me? Please let me know in the comments. All right, Gina writes, would you consider me not meeting his kids after 15 months? Not at all. Happy Father's Day. Well, would I consider me not meeting his kids after 15 months? No, if you're gonna be forming a solid relationship, you should be meeting the children. So I would think that's an important part of build. I just said it a moment ago to Bella. It's an important part of building trust with one another is connecting the two of you this way. By the way, think of this too. Families can strengthen a relationship and they can destroy relationships. So I would rather take the risk that it strengthens your relationship because it will come back to bite you if you don't assess this bond with family with one another sooner rather than later. So I would hop on that, Gina. Thanks for asking that question. All right, Megan writes, thanks for that shift on how much work finding a partner is. Had a lot of judgment on myself. It has taken me five years to date post-divorce, been on 23 dates. So sorry about passing your son. Thank you so much. Yes, you know what folks? Look, rejection. I had a friend says she's invisible to me. No, she's an old model car so she's invisible to men. Rejection, frustration, disappointment, all those experiences. Okay, let's think of an Olympic athlete for a moment. Somebody who wants to win the gold medal as an example, think of all the hardship they go through for so many years just to get to this one place in life. Why do they do that? Because they have a vision, a singular vision of being to winning the gold. Well, I invite you to have that singular vision of why do you want a relationship? I want you to really invite everyone right now. If you're watching the replay to pause this right now after, as soon as I say this, I invite you to all right, why do I want a relationship? Why do I want a relationship? And really, just like the Olympic athlete, why do I want to win the gold? Whatever that why is, your why is what gets you up in the morning to say, okay, I'm gonna endure the frustrations, the rejection, the feeling invisible. I'm gonna do all this so I can be prepared. I'm going to do all of this so I can actually be prepared for a healthy, happy relationship someday. Because it is knowing your why is your carrot. And I invite Megan and everyone to really know your why. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, Della's right. My boyfriend of almost three months still has a picture of his ex-wife and their daughter in his living room. His reason is to bring up, wait, for his reason is to bring up his daughter to see mom and dad as friends. Should I worry? My first reaction was, wow, that's a really conscious father to say, I want my daughter to know that while we're not together in relationship, we are still friendly with each other. You know, I think my son, there's a picture of my oldest son right there. I think what he appreciates most is on his birthday, just a few weeks ago, we went out to dinner, his mother, my ex-wife and I, and my son went out to dinner. Now, Marie was invited, and it was actually Marie who encouraged just the three of us to go out, okay? Because it just wanted to be the family, if you will, that blood family, if you will, in this particular case. And it was a great, encouraged, by the way, my ex-wife came to my home, hung out for an hour before we went out to dinner. So there was an interaction with Marie as well. But my point in bringing this up is, should I worry? No. Okay. Now, if he has pictures of his ex-girlfriends and they're all in bikinis and bathing suits and stuff on his Instagram, maybe that and I'd start to worry. If his Instagram is loaded with hot women, dressed scantily, maybe that's when I'm worried. But I think it's absolutely beautiful that he wants to encourage his daughter in a way to say, mom and dad are still friends, even though we're not together. So Dallas, I hope that helps. Pamela says, you have to remember that some of us had cut off toxic family. Why would you go back to introduce a significant other? That's okay, very valid point, very valid point. There are certainly many people who have toxic relationships with family members or have a toxic family member and they're not gonna be part of the equation. In some cases, very few people have very limited family. I think of my son who's lost his brother and many of his family members live far away. But at the end, and that's for someone, a young person, but for those of us older, we might have very few family members in our lives. Family and friends though, are important facets to a healthy, happy relationship. And the more you can merge those healthy relationships together, the stronger your relationship will be with one another. All right, let's keep going. CeCe writes, did you and Marie date other people during the time period to meeting? I'm talking with a guy, but want to continue to date because he had just got divorced. Our relationship dynamic was a little bit unique because we had distance. Actually, at the time we met, we had some surface relationships. And what I mean to say is interaction with people, but it wasn't a significant relationship for either one of us by the time we met. By the time we had our, we met when I was in Chicago, by the time she came to Los Angeles, and we spent four days together. And in the time that we had talked until our next meeting, which was two weeks later, we did basically close up some loops that were in our lives prior to that, okay? Because we knew that if this was gonna work, listen, given it was a long distance, we knew that we'd have to be committed to the process of getting to know one another. And we knew that the best way to do that first is to be unencumbered with other entanglements in our lives. And so coming back to your question, but I'm a big proponent, listen folks, I'm a big proponent of dating one person at a time for the most part. Now, when I say dating, when you fully know you want to engage in exploring a relationship with someone, that to me, if we call that dating, dating is another word for getting to know you. When you know you wanna explore a relationship with someone, that's when I recommend doing it one person at a time. It's just too convoluted to be actively dating multiple people at the same time. When you wanna explore a relationship with one or multiple people, that can be exhausting, and quite frankly, it's usually imbalanced, and in that imbalance creates all kinds of chaos, and I'm not a big proponent of that. So thank you for that question, I really appreciate it. Tell it, I'm not sure what this says. I would rather go skydiving wearing nothing, but a thong out of a parachute than commit to a woman and get married again. Well, this is how this male feels, okay? Now, ladies, would you want to, okay, so now, does this person wanna live with someone? That's another alternative as well, if that's possibly the case. I understand for those of us in midlife, we may not wanna get married because of the financial consequences associated with that, but do you wanna be partnered with someone? Ladies, recognize that people that have an aversion to partnership are just looking at a temporary relationship with you, and do you wanna be someone's temporary? It's like, do you wanna be an employee that's going to get terminated at some point? I'd rather not invest in that. Hey, one of our Facebook group members, if you want to have regular access to me on a regular basis, check out the link below to Midlife Love Mastery. We have a private group where I'm streaming this as well. She says, I agree, I value spending time with family and looking for a man who values time. Thanks so much. Cupcake wants to go on to say, I think having that photo is a positive thing, I agree. All right, Della says, my boy, oh, coming back. My boyfriend is having Father's Day dinner with his daughter and ex, should I be bothered? Okay. Again, I went out to, this just happened two weeks ago. My son and my ex-wife and I went out to dinner together. Now again, my ex-wife and my sweetheart Marie got a chance to break bread for about an hour. We had a cocktail together before we went out to dinner. So should you be worried? Well, okay, so there can be some suggestions for worry. Okay, first and foremost, who ended the relationship? Was it her or was it him? Did he feel, does he still love this person and want her back? That's another thing to find out, okay? What's the status of her relationship status in her life? Is she in a relationship with someone? I'd wanna know what were the reasons for their divorce and what is their co-parenting agreement? So rather than should I be bothered, what I would have want you to do is do way more due diligence in the early stages. This is what I teach in my private coaching, how to vet for a healthy partner in your life. Vetting means the investigative period before you truly give your heart to someone. See, there's a lot of, should you be worried? No, I'd be focused on why did they end the relationship? How long ago did they end the relationship? Does he, was he blindsided by the ending? Did she, you know, what were the reasons? Because there could be something to worry about. There might be a reason, but I would wanted you to find this all out before it got to this place because it could be something innocent or it could be something he's still pining for her. Okay, hope that helps, Delos. Ah, Alexandra says, comment. If you're invisible, he isn't the right one. The right one will see you, don't be blind to them. They may feel the same. They may feel they are invisible as well. You know what, you bring up a good point. There's a significant percentage of men who feel invisible to women as well. So out in the dating marketplace, people are feeling invisible because A, you know, there's all this activity going on on these dating apps. And some people feel a sense of frustration because they're getting little or no activity and you can start feeling invisible. Now just recognize out in the real world, in the real world, like when I go to a grocery store or something before I met Marie, I might look at a woman briefly for a second, but I wouldn't approach her. Okay, I didn't like approaching people randomly. It just didn't feel right for me to connect with someone who just based on looks. So you might feel invisible out in the real world because a lot of men in midlife just don't want to approach women nor do they want to get rejected. I remember in the early stage after my divorce, I did, you know, at grocery stores and such, walk up to some women, I got rejected a lot. You know, it would always be, oh, I'm already in a relationship with someone else or I'm married and that got frustrating after a while. So I didn't make the effort. You know, keep in mind, it might be that you're not invisible but they just don't have the desire to connect with someone. They don't know. It's the same with online dating. This is why the best relationships are the ones that are formed within your social circle but that's rare these days. That's just part of life as well. All right, Alexander, I appreciate that comment. Della says, thank you, Jonathan. It helps a lot. I will stop talking about it before I damage our amazing relationship. Good to hear that's an amazing relationship. Oh, here's something. I don't know what, let me just read this. I didn't meet my husband's family until we had been acquainted for three years. After I met them, I knew why. They were red flags but I went ahead with the relationship to marriage. It's been rough. You know, when you buy the cow, you buy all of the family that goes with it and that's part of the equation, whether we like it or not. All right. Kala says, marry twice and they weren't committed. Why did they get married in the first place? You know, men are lazy. Men oftentimes when they attach themselves, okay, they could be unhealthy attachment. They could be bonded. They could be lazy. In other words, if, you know, what I mean by lazy is that they've got a good prospect. They'll marry them, but they won't invest in the performing stage. Remember when I talked about the four stages, the forming, the storming, the norming and performing, they're just lazy at the performing stage of the relationship. And what I mean is to co-create a bond with another human being and they, and that's one of the reasons why women end relationships because they're with lazy men. That just, men will nest into relationship. Ladies, this isn't easy stuff. This is why I'm a big proponent of you doing your work first, be in that good place and start attracting a partner who's also in a good place. When you're in a good emotional place because you've done the work to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and you're coming at it from a positive perspective, then you become more of a magnetic attractor for attracting that type of person. And if you keep attracting the wrong person, then you've got to go back and say, what is it within me that accepts the wrong person over and over again? Is this syncing? And this is why I recommend reading the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. By the way, link below to get all the books I recommend. Why am I recommending this book? Because we have patterns. We choose people based on historic patterns. And when we recognize these patterns, we can break these patterns so we become a magnetic attractor for who we want or who's more aligned for us. And by the way, those two relationships might have been for your benefit too. I invite you to ask yourself, what positive things about myself did I learn in these relationships? What was good about each relationship? All right. Leafs goes on to say, excellent points, Jonathan. Heading out, we'll catch everything again when I get back. Thank you for your time. Happy Father's Day, our big brother. Have a special day. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Well, I think on that note, I think we'll wrap up today. I hope you found value. Oh, by the way, Janet says, thank you, Jonathan. I thought after marriage, my husband's family would be respectful and back off. It didn't, ladies, buyers beware. Yeah, we've got to recognize. And it's not just their children. Oh, by the way, I have a dear friend. She got married. The daughter sabotaged the marriage and he asked for a divorce after six years of marriage. So yes, family is an important part of this decision-making process, whether we like it or not. All right, folks. Once again, I want to thank everyone. I hope you found value in this conversation. The four stages men go through before they commit. I just want to repeat them really quickly. Someone can write this down. It's the, and this is Tuckman's model for team building. Forming, storming, norming and performing. Forming, storming, norming and performing. Hope you found value in this. If you did, please tell your friends. Please hit that like button. Please share this video again with friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new and hit that notification bell. If you want to connect with me, there's in the show notes or in the first comment, you can schedule a discovery call with me. You can join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can join the group here on Facebook membership. You can check out all the books I recommend, okay? And you can follow me on Instagram. And don't forget my dating bowser there and also Naked Discovery, Naked Recovery, Naked Divorce, check out their group as well. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic job of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give either of them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Nicole and Joyce and Anna and Leafs and Cupcake and our Facebook member and Bella and Janet and Elena and Sunshine and Gigi and Latasha and Kahlia and Cassandra and Alexandra and Dells and Tam. Cupcake, everyone. Thanks so much. Be well. And thanks for the Happy Father's Day wishes. I really appreciate it. You guys are all so sweet. Big hugs, much appreciated. Thanks a bunch. Bye now.