 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today our Topic why men ignore you what they might be thinking now really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if this video resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms Also, these are my weekend videos. I shoot out of my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions You ask I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to my VIP group All right, we're gonna talk about what men are thinking When they ignore you Let's face it to be ignored by someone is a terrible feeling I'm sure you have experienced it before we men have experienced women who have ignored us as well so I'm gonna lean into what's really happening in this dynamic when a person is actually ignoring you and maybe some solutions of how to Navigate this when this happens. I want to lean talk about something though really quickly is Differentiating between men and women and I've noticed that women tend to fantasize about relationships women tend to fantasize about relationships and Men are rather clueless when it comes to relationships In fact, I think most when men are winging it winging it winging it when it comes to relationships And I think one of the reasons why women fantasize this is and I know you've heard this over and over again You've bought into the Disney and the movies and such and I know many of you are probably going well I don't buy into that Yet what's fascinating to me is many of my Contemporaries who are giving dating advice who especially met their partners in their thirties You know share this beautiful love story of how it just magically worked out so perfectly and I can understand why they do that because they want to give you hope that a relationship should just be easy That it should just happen naturally that things are just going to magically work out and And I and I recognize that in a small percentage of people that does happen It just does it happens whether they met online. They met organically something just clicked They were in total alignment with each other and it actually happened very easily And yet the reality is that's not true for most people In fact, the reality is is especially as we enter midlife And I say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement So if you're excuse me if you're between ages 42 to 69, that's my demographic I speak to if you're dating men in this bracket And this is quite a bit different the way people operate Because of life experience and there's so many factors that go into Understanding why human beings struggle in relationship and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg Which most of you are I'm going to point this out here if you put this up on the screen You can see that above the water line is chemistry and you can see the word Attraction and yet below the water line is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and that's where could you see? compatibility comes in and So in the beginning stages and I know you've heard this that men chase sex And you know, I know you've heard that men are hunters and they they they go after their prey Which I don't like that whatsoever But they they go after what they want that they operate from this premise of when they know they want something they go after it Yet the reality is is most of us in midlife are as I said earlier We're winging it on so many different levels and I think it's important to understand that human beings are struggling on the inside in some way shape or form Not feeling good enough not feeling lovable not feeling likable in fact dating triggers the number one Emotional health issue, which is what I just shared and so whether you're a man or woman This is one of the challenges with the dating process today And it's one of them primary reasons why we might go silent or we might ignore someone because we have Inner stuff going on and this is true for men and this is true for you ladies as well This is why I continually recommend my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work. Excuse me To basically better prepare you to be in relationship So you won't find yourself in a position of choosing people that are going to naturally ignore you or naturally go silent because listen It's great when we feel chemistry. It's great when we feel that energetic connection with someone I mean, there's nothing like it. I'm sure you've experienced that. I've no I've experienced it And so when that happens on some level the relationship does progress rather easily Where the real challenge is live I come back to my Relationship iceberg again. Did you notice shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity? This is where we have to or at least my invitation for you is draw attention To these places which oftentimes causes people to be Inconsiderate to be inconsistent to maybe even go silent or maybe even ignore you Because right off the bat if you meet someone you have great chemistry But you don't share values There's going to be friction and when there's friction. There's going to be a pulling away There's going to be doubt Actually, it doesn't even have to be friction. It could just be again a misalignment that causes people to have doubt and Then if we talk about blendable lifestyles And this is where so many of you are suckling on the nipple of just believing that love will just solve everything That if our lifestyles aren't compatible if we love each other, it will just magically work out This is why so many of you buy into the idea that along as an example a long-distance Relationship can work and the challenge is and this is product. Let me just tell you one area in particular And why men what they're thinking when they engage in a long-distance relationship as an example Or even a relationship where you live 10 miles away or 15 miles away That's not long-distance and yet the challenge is this is That we all have busy lives. We have stuff going on. We have our work going on. We might have Ex-spouses we might have children we might have Elderly parents to care for we might have health issues and when there's distance involved even 10 or 15 miles It makes it a little bit problematic to actually create that consistency to create that continuity That develops the roots to trust in Relationship let me repeat that that continental continuity that builds the roots to trust And let me just share with you something I share in my private coaching By the way, if you need some assistance from me check out the link below to a free discovery call to see if working with the Coach is right for you But what I'm about to share here is one of the challenge the one of the challenges is building the roots to trust and that Includes emotional connection that includes economic agreement that includes social activities hobbies mutual interests That includes family and friends and lastly intimacy and intimacy isn't just sex. It's into me. You see this is why? Continually recommend the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman And the reason why I recommend this book over and over and over and over and over again is because this teaches you the Mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and again as I said before men are winging it So the fact is is they're not really thinking much of anything quite frankly when they ignore you as one reason why and I'm going to share a couple more in a moment is Because they're not really clear on the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and they're not even clear on what partnership really means for them Did you know if you look up the definition of commitment in the in the dictionary or Google the definition of commitment? one of the definitions of commitment is a restriction of freedom and We all on some level want to feel free and the other definition of commitment means that you're joined together in a common Cause a common cause together and this is where a lot of you are ladies are Fantasizing that you love the idea of the men being the leaders of the relationship and they're just going to take charge Because you've been sold this by so many of my contemporaries all those men that took charge And yet the challenge is they can take charge in the beginning basically because they're on the hunt for sex But it doesn't necessarily mean they're they're taking charge in the understanding of the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and so what they're actually thinking is Nothing because they have no resources built in with them themselves to actually know how to navigate a healthy happy relationship and Then we have to deal with the most important issue that's causing so much Frustration for many of you out there in the dating realm and that's a lack of emotional maturity That's right a lack of emotional maturity and this is true for men and folks I'm telling you it's true for you ladies, too I know you all think that you're more emotionally mature than most men. I can tell you as a man out in the dating realm I've continually met women who lack a level of emotional maturity and the problem is is That most of us haven't been taught the skills the Relationship skills to be in a healthy happy relationship And if you haven't seen my latest Emotional maturity and relationship skills chart and by the way, I want you notice on the bottom says this is not a fact It's just an opinion But roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues their Narcissists their bipolar their borderline personality and God forbid you never you get you meet a Sociopath or something like that. Oh my god, and I know many of you have experienced some have some have had some bad experiences In addition, I want you to look here healthy healthy about 20% Okay, but here's the thing I'm being generous when I say that healthy 20% of the population has healthy emotional Maturity and relationship skills because the vast majority of people are dysfunctional They're dysfunctional and what that means is they haven't really tapped into Their negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life to navigate in such a way from a healthy place And this is what most people are thinking is that there's chaos going on inside a guy's head So what I'm trying to share with you is while a man might like you if there's chaos going on inside his head It's making it very challenging to have him lean into a healthy happy relationship. This is why I Continually recommend the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause those negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one life That cause people to go silent that cause men men or women to ignore you because They haven't really showed up their insin insides if you will By the way insides. I'm looking at my t-shirt human kind be both human kind be both By the way, my coffee mug today says swear a little you'll feel better in my weekend videos I don't swear unlike my other videos that I do But I'm here to say by the way, you will feel better if you swear a little oh All right, so what can we do about this? What is important to know about this? listen One thing is when a person ignores you oftentimes. It's not Personal it's because they're most likely some chaos going on in their life And what I'm here to share with you I want to invite you all to let go of this narrative that men are provider Protectors and they are on the hunt and they know what they go after what they want because most men are Experiencing a level of chaos and while yes, there's exception to the rule It doesn't necessarily mean that the men who are going through chaos Can't actually experience a healthy happy relationship and yesterday I met with a dear friend of mine She's coming up on their three and a half year anniversary Well three they've been together almost four years anniversary and they're planning on moving in together These are people that met in their fifties There was actually some chaos going on in his life when they met and she had her own level of chaos going on in her life Yet they progressively kept moving the relationship forward and I want to lean into what to pay attention for going forward So you can identify those men that are actually Capable of going the distance versus those men who are just winging it or have no clue what's going on And if you're not familiar with my five signs of emotional maturity And this is critically important so stay till the very end to hear all this This will help better prepare you to attract a great guy in your life and number one rather simple Their actions continually match their words their actions continually match their words and while there's going to be exceptions to the rule There's a level of consistency What you'll find in most happy relationships not the fantasy ones But the other relationships that I've actually progressed through the turmoil through the muck through the chaos is their actions Consistently match their words Number two they have a level of victor consciousness and not victim consciousness What I'm here to say is we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here in the United States and a true Emotionally mature person takes ownership and takes responsibility for what's happened in their life They're not blaming others and I can tell you women do this just as much as men They always blame their partner for what went wrong in the relationship instead of taking some ownership within themselves Of what went wrong in the relationship So I want you to pay close attention to those people that take ownership Versus those who don't and I invite you to do the same for yourself number three They know how to fight fair. They know how to apologize I recently just totally jonesed and said something rather insensitive and stupid to someone on a date And when I wreck and when she brought it to my attention, I immediately apologize for my behavior People that are emotionally mature take ownership for what they do They know how to when there's a conflict They know how to listen to the other person's point of view and accept the other person's point of view is being true For them. So when she pointed it out to me, I recognize. Oh my god. She's absolutely right. I didn't get defensive I didn't turn it around. I didn't gaslight or anything. I took ownership and that's a healthy emotionally healthy mature person does that number four they have empathy and Empathy doesn't just mean I can feel your feelings empathy means I Genuinely care about your feelings just like I did in that particular case and I also care about my own feelings because what I did to myself When I had this indiscretion if you will I beat myself up And what I needed was a big dose of self-love even in that moment where I was insensitive to someone else Empathy means you're going to be sensitive to yourself as well as others and lastly a level of transparency Here's the thing folks It's time to be radically honest and transparent with one another We don't have time to screw around in this dating realm And this is why I'm going to recommend one last book before we wrap up today I highly recommend reading this book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because this will teach you a way of Dating that is not gender-based. It's based on your spiritual side It's based on your your your heart-centered way of looking at relationships instead of the stupid narrative that you've all been bought into And this is why many of you are struggling because at the end of the day When a guy is ignoring you most likely what he's really thinking is I don't know how to Communicate I don't know how to speak up and that doesn't make them bad people and I invite you to lean in instead of Leaning back because you're hoping that he'll claim you when you lean back when he's ignoring you I'm inviting you to lean in have a heart-centered conversation Being vulnerable being authentic being transparent Expressing yourself because when you're with the right guy He's going to appreciate you inviting an opportunity for him to open up And if he doesn't that just means he's not the right guy for you and that's okay, too Listen, we've covered a lot here today I know this is a real challenging thing because you all want that fantasy Relationship that many of you bought into and just like my friend I was speaking to But she most paid attention to was his emotional maturity and that's my invitation for everyone of you today Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please post a comment below. Let me know if you want something to add. I do my best to read them all and comment as well Let's start looking at relationships from a more heart-centered space and not this stupid rules-based way of dating because that's What's causing a lot of frustration for many of you? And I hope I open your eyes and looking at something a little bit different than the norm All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. Oh, by the way Please share this video with your friends, but we're gonna wrap up as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic job of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay, I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a teddy bear or a pillow and give it They're them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye now