 It seems like lots of people are in long distance relationships today, but they're hard, right? 40% of them end in break up. That was one of the more recent statistics. I've seen them higher than that before. And most don't last more than five months. So what can you do to make sure that you have a long distance relationship that not only lasts, but you get through all the problems and it actually brings you guys closer together and you feel more connected and you feel like this is actually something that will last between you two. So today I'm gonna be talking about some of the biggest challenges and the biggest things that happen that are under your control in long distance relationships that you can kind of take a look at and make sure that you work on them so that they don't end up ruining your relationship and instead bring you guys closer together, make him want to be around you and crave you and miss you. So hi, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you're interested in getting my whole system on long distance relationships and how to make them work, there's a link above or below this video right now depending on where you're watching it from, you can get my program called Long Distance Award. So what are some of the things, some of the reasons why long distance relationships fail and what can you do in order to make sure that it doesn't happen? So one of the big things that happens, number one is smothering your partner. So a lot of people feel like because they're in this long distance thing that they need to be connected all the time and so they try to always kind of connect with their partner constantly messaging them, telling them about what's going on in their day and how things are and everything keeping, it's like a play by play. If you've ever watched sports before, which I don't do much, but if you do, they do like play by plays and it's like you're giving them a play by play of your life and you don't need to do that, right? You don't need to call text and video chat every single day all day long. That's completely unnecessary and people need space. And so what you wanna do is give him some space instead. So if you never give him any space and you're trying to tell him what's going on with you all the time or you're trying to figure out what's going on with him all the time, just stop doing that. And instead you should give him some room to breathe. If you want him to think of you, make the time that you're together really great. And if you want to add something even more special onto it, what you can do is always just give him a gift of something like some kind of item or something that will make him remember you and think of you every time that he sees it. And so the time that you have together, you want that to be really great. That way when you're gone, he misses you and he wants to be with you again and he's thinking about you. You don't need to stay connected all the time. Number two is false assumptions. So assuming that he's not into you, assuming because he needs space that there's something wrong, assuming that he's talking to other women, any of those kinds of things, right? And this partially is kind of a trust issue. And so if you can't trust him, you can't really have a relationship with him, especially a long distance relationship. You have to have a lot of trust when it comes to a long distance relationship and relationships in general, you have to have a lot of trust there. And so if you can trust him and you know you can trust him, you feel like you can trust him, then do this instead. When you aren't with him and you guys aren't connected, what you should do is work on your beliefs of worthiness. So spend time shifting your belief systems around, change your beliefs into beliefs that, because you get to choose your beliefs. I don't know if you knew that or not, right? Beliefs aren't based on reality. Beliefs are based on strong emotional states that you're in connected to a habitual thought process. So for instance, if you have a really strong emotion when you're a child that your mom or your dad doesn't really love you or something like that, that will start getting ingrained in you and then you'll start feeling that way around other people and that can start making you feel things like you're not really worthy of love. And all you have to do to get rid of it, and I say all you have to do because it sounds like it's a really easy thing, but sometimes it can be challenging, is to break that pattern and replace it with a new thought pattern that you emotionalize really strongly. And so that's what I suggest that you do. Work on putting yourself into positive emotional states on a continual basis. Change your thought patterns so that you have thoughts of being worthy, of being strong, of being somebody who deserves what it is that you want in your life. Get busy building and creating your life. Build an abundance of connection with people, with animals, with nature, with everything around you. By the way, if you're here with us watching right now make sure you say hi in the chat. It's cool to see women from all over the world who are watching these live streams with us. So build an abundance of connection, consistently put yourself into positive emotional states. Live a full, amazing life, right? If you wanna be confident in your life, if you wanna be confident in yourself, build a life that you're proud of, that you like, that you've created by design. You can do that. You have the power to do that. You can do that anytime you want to. And the more that you do that, the more you'll have confidence in yourself, the more you'll believe that you can have whatever it is that you want in your life. So number three is financial issues. So long distance relationships can be incredibly expensive, especially depending on how far away from each other you guys live. And so someone usually has to travel to see the other person. Sometimes people do it where they go back and forth, right? One person goes and visits one person and the other person goes and visits the other person cause it can get really expensive really, really quickly with all the traveling and gas or plane tickets or however it is that you guys are meeting up with each other. And so one of the things that ruins everything is these expectations that you might end up having on the other person and or the other person has with you. And so you think they're gonna do this thing and they don't or they think you're gonna do this thing and you don't or whatever. And then next you know, you guys have a bunch of strain and stress that doesn't necessarily even need to be there. And so the best thing that you can do is talk about these issues beforehand and find out how he feels about everything and what's going on with him. That way you can make sure that you've talked about things and you've worked things out and you've created clarity around it so that it doesn't end up blowing up in your face. I'm actually gonna be doing a live stream with a woman named Shanti. She's a researcher tomorrow about money and relationships and how to have money conversations and whatnot. So if you're not sure about how to do that, make sure you check out my live stream about that. Also, make sure that you're flexible around your expectations and don't get all caught up in how something has to look and how something's supposed to be and all that kind of stuff because that just creates stress in you. And so you want to also, you can do like low cost ways of connecting with each other. I recommend that if you're in a long distance relationship that you guys meet up at least once a month, if it's gonna be over a long-term period of time, you guys should at least meet up once a month, if not at least a month and a half. I mean, you don't wanna go much further than that because things can start dying out and it can be really, really difficult to hold onto that and keep things going. And so you can find low cost ways to connect, right? Video chat is available anywhere in the world at this point. Another thing you wanna do is try to be more low maintenance than expecting a whole, like we talked about expectations. And so having lots of expectations might end up making him feel like he can't really afford to be with you and spend time with you and be in this long-distance relationship, especially if you expect him to be the provider and to financially take care of everything. And then he's like, I don't know if I can do this, I'm trying to build this thing, but now I'm with this woman and it costs so much in order for me to be in this relationship with her, I don't know if I can really do this or not. And so another thing that you wanna do is if you end up spending some money on the relationship and things that are going on, don't blame your partner for it because that just brings ill will and resentment and can create even more and more and more problems between the two of you. So number four is negative emotional experiences. So this looks like being a Debbie Downer all the time, right? You don't wanna be a Debbie Downer all the time, fighting, arguing, trying to force him to do stuff that you want him to do. Those things also just create tons of negative emotions all the time. Like you don't have to be happy all the time. Like I wanna throw that out there. It's not about being happy and having a fake smile on your face and just trying to pretend like you're happy all the time, right? We all have issues, we all get mad, we all get sad, we all get frustrated, we all get into our minds and have nonsense come up about what's going on and what should be and what shouldn't be and all that kind of stuff. And so it's not that big of a deal if those things end up coming up with you and all that kind of stuff. You just don't wanna make that the main focus of your relationship. Because some couples what'll end up happening is the woman will want to trigger the guy because she wants some kind of emotional reaction because it shows that he cares. And so she'll trigger him through negative emotions but that just pushes the guy away because he goes, oh, I don't wanna be around that. And every time I talk to her she's trying to elicit these negative emotional responses for me and it just, it's bad, don't do that. So that is very bad. Next is emotional and draining behavior, right? So baiting him for compliments to trying to get him to tell that he still likes you and everything's okay and all that kind of stuff, right? It's just cringe, super emotional draining type of stuff. And if you do that a lot with a guy it'll make him feel like he doesn't have the emotional capacity to be around you and to be with you all the time and that can be a really, really big pain for him. And like I said, you don't have to be happy all the time. Good feelings don't just include being happy or being smiley or whatever, right? Good emotions are actually a range of different emotions. And if you're experiencing those emotions but you're on the same side, you're in partnership as opposed to being disconnected as opposed to being separate. If you're instead in partnership then going through those emotions actually bonds you guys closer together and make you feel like you're actually closer and you're in this together and you're sad together or you're angry together or whatever as opposed to it being, I'm angry at you because you're not doing what I want you to do. And so you're the problem and all that kind of stuff, right? So if you can, you wanna be on the side of partnership. It doesn't always work out that way. Everybody has issues and we all do stuff that we kind of regret sometimes. And so it's not that big of a deal but you want to have a range of positive emotional experiences between the two of you and you don't wanna dwell on the negative experiences because that will just end up tearing the relationship apart. And number five is boring or dull experiences. So this is kind of the opposite of the negative experiences. It's kind of this flat line, right? It's a flat line feeling where it's just boring and dull and there's nothing going on and what it ends up doing is it makes it feel like a chore to interact and be in contact because it's like, okay, I'm just going to talk and then we're just going to say the same thing. Hey, how are you? How are you? How was your work? How was your work? Ah, everything's great. And so yeah, okay. So what else is going on, right? And it's just, it's boring, right? And it makes him feel like he'd rather be doing something else, anything else with his time, right? And so you wanna make things more interesting. And like I've said in other videos and stuff before, it's a two-way street, right? You shouldn't be doing everything for the relationship. Both ways, you guys both should be contributing to this. And if you're not just naturally by nature, like a fun and playful and kind of got interesting things going on and know how to make things interesting, one of the things that you can do to make things interesting pretty quickly is play word games. And so word games are things like the game would you rather, right? And all would you rather is, taking two different things and then comparing them and saying, which one would you rather do, like? And you can do it without even saying would you rather. All you can say, all you have to say is like, coffee, tea, right? Or you can say, would you rather drink coffee or would you rather drink tea, right? And then you just, you have a game based on that. And then you can move on to the next one, right? And they can, he can play those games with you as well, right? Would you rather eat cereal or an omelet? Would you rather, you know, play golf or watch golf, right? Would you rather play sports or watch sports? Would you rather eat chocolate or eat vanilla, right? And it's just, it's one of those things where you can just play with that for a while. You can get really creative with it and a lot of fun with it. I've talked about this on my blog quite a bit. I've a few different blog posts just about games like this or games that you can play just like this. Next, what you wanna do is learn more about him, right? Ask him questions, get curious. This makes him feel like he's closer to you because he is communicating with you and telling you things. And the more somebody can communicate and tell you the more that they feel like they've been vulnerable and they've been opened up and they're talking to you and they're giving you information. And so that makes them feel more connected to you which is a really good thing. Another one is getting off the call on a high note. So if you guys have had a really good call, some what, sometimes what people will do is they'll just hold on to the conversation and try to keep it going and they're like, oh, I don't wanna get on, let's talk about something. You don't need to do that. I mean, you can if you want to, if you are pretty confident that you can turn it into something where you're connecting. But it's better, it's best to just get off on a high note if things are good and you're just like, all right, let's end it right here and talk again whenever you're gonna be talking again in a few days or whatever it is. Number six is having no planned physical meetup. And so you never know when you're going to meet up with each other and if you have no plan and it may never end up happening. And so it ends up the whole thing, the whole relationship ends up dying out and you're just like going with it and you're not sure where it's gonna go or if it's gonna happen and you're just like, I don't know, are we even still dating here? Are we not dating here? Are we in a relationship? And the anticipation dies and you slowly drift away from each other until you're no longer talking because you're not even gonna meet up and you have no plans to meet up. And so both of you think the other person isn't really serious about this. And this usually happens when the idea of being together is bigger than the reality of making it happen. And so it can also happen when you guys just don't talk about it. So make sure that you guys talk about it, have a plan, get curious about it, have a conversation about it. See when you guys wanna meet up and make sure that you have a plan to actually meet up. And so if you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, ask me questions about things. If you have any questions about your situation, go ahead and ask them in the chat. I'm just gonna go over all the different, all the different reasons why relationships fail again and then I will get to the questions. So number one is smothering your partner. Number two is false assumptions. Number three is financial issues. Number four is negative emotional experiences. Number five is boring and dull experiences. And number six is no physical meetup planned. So what do we have? What do we have? What do we have here with anybody who's here? What's going on? Hello, hello, hello. Everybody says hello. Finding a first time. Somebody's found me on live chat, awesome. Nice, so let's see. Kathy says, hello, Matthew, glad to see you're safe. Well, you are, I'm glad that you're glad to see me safe. That's great. Shadowed says, happy birthday. I don't know whose birthday it is. It's not my birthday. Whose birthday is it right now? It's not my birthday. So let's see. Oh, I see. Yeah, everybody's wishing me a happy birthday now. Somebody said it was my birthday. It's not my birthday. I appreciate the birthday wishes though. I'll just, I'll have a second birthday right now. Maybe I can, during my real birthday, everybody can wish me a happy birthday again. No, my birthday is in October. I'm a Scorpio, October 28th. Shadowed says, I know how that feels, not being loved by family. I get ignored whenever I'm there and get pushed around by my sister and cousins. Well, that sounds horrible. Rose said, in a long distance relationship temporarily, yeah, there's a lot of people in temporary long distance relationships right now. Let's see. Audrey says, hi, Matt from St. Louis. Thanks for the content as always. You are welcome for the content as always. Girls Gone Art says, I need all his videos badly. Does anybody have any questions in here about their situations? Let's see. CJ says, the only thing I need is all the videos of Matthew Coast available on CD. You still use a CD, CJ? Is that a thing? I didn't know people still use CDs. I thought we were all on digital nowadays. You still have CDs? I actually bought something the other day, bought some program the other day and it came to me in DVDs. I was like, I don't even have a DVD player. I'm like, I had to go and buy a DVD player just so that I could play the DVDs that I got of the program that I bought. It was crazy. So Girls Gone Art says, what if it's not long distance and we need financial support and he isn't responsive? Well, it depends on what you mean by he isn't responsive and it depends on what you mean by you need financial support and it depends on what kind of a relationship you're in. If this is kind of the initial stages of dating, then it's a lot different than if you guys have been, if you're like in a committed relationship or if you're married or something like that and you have financial problems. It's a very, very different kind of scenario. Rose says, no negative Nancy's, no Debbie Downer, no bitter Betty's. That's what I'm talking about. No bitter Betty's, no bitter Betty's. So Gloria says, sometimes long distance is difficult. We both can get steamy, including in camera chat. So what to say to go more into chatting and connect more emotionally with his heart? Well, avoid going steamy. That is what you wanna do. It's just avoid going steamy all the time, right? And if you have to, you can set up a boundary or just talk about how you feel like you need to connect in an emotional way instead of through kind of some steamy way, right? And have real conversations with him and ask him questions, specifically emotional eliciting questions, right? From my emotional range principle. I talk about this not only in my long distance program but also the forever woman program. But there's questions you can ask him specifically to make him feel different types of emotions that you want him to feel. And just getting curious and talking to him about things and just putting up boundaries around the steamy behavior and making sure that you're actually having real conversations instead of making it about this, right? And I mean, if you have to, you can always do over the phone instead of video, but really what you should do is have some boundaries and make sure that you're getting your emotional needs met and not just making it about the steamy behavior. Girls gone, art says, what if it's not long distance but we live apart and I don't like going to his house because I'm more comfy in my home? Okay, well, I mean, you can always have a conversation with him about it, right? If he's always trying to get you to go over to his place, you can always be like, oh, it's your turn to come over here and hang out with me and come visit and we can chat and hang out here, you know? And just be like, no, no, seriously, I'd love to have you come over here sometime and just kind of push the issue a little bit with him, right? It sounds like you guys are on strong enough terms and in enough of a relationship that you can do that without freaking them out or anything. And even if he does get a little not happy about it, you can always just be like, look, I'd love for you to come in and hang out. I feel like I'm going over there all the time and I just love to see you and have you come over here and I think it would be a lot of fun and, you know, let's do it, just, you know? Just see what his deal is with that, right? See what's going on there. What's going on there? Yep, yep, yep, yep. Barry Love says, I'm going to ask a question, making more steamy stuff on video. What about it? What about, what question do you have about it? So Girls Gone Art says, what if I'm so busy? She's got like a million questions today. Thanks, Girls Gone Art. What if I am so busy with work that I get so tired and don't have enough energy to be to seeing him and go out with him when I'm finished working? Is that trashy or cheap to ask? No, absolutely. And it just gives you more of a reason to tell you, just look, be like, look, I'm really tired and I'm not going to come out and you should come and visit me instead, right? And if he's really against it, then, you know, you can just be like, well, I guess we're just not going to hang out tonight, you know, or you can come over, whatever, whichever one's fine with me. You know, I'd really love to see you and I, but I'd also, I also don't want to, you know, I just got home from work and I'm really tired and, you know, I just, I want to hang out here and relax and I'd love it if you'd come over and, you know, hang out and we can, you know, look into each other's eyes and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears and caress each other's cheeks and tell each other how wonderful and smart and amazing we are. Maybe, maybe. Oh, you're asking for help with his bills? Oh, with your bills? So you want him to come over so that he can help you with your bills? Is that what you're talking about? I don't know if that's, if that's going to fly. That's, that's a little bit, it's a little bit stretching it, girls gone art. When I do, he doesn't respond by helping with my bills. Why would he be helping you with your bills? Let's, let's start there. Why, why is he helping you with your bills at all? Why aren't you paying for your bills? Why is, why do you want him to be helping you with that? Anita says, hey, Matthew, I'm watching from England, never caught your live stream before. You look very well and thank you so much for all the great advice. Well, you're absolutely welcome and thank you for the compliment. I love, I love compliments. Shema Sam says, what do I do if we don't end the phone on a high note? Phone call on a high note. Well, don't worry about it. You'll talk to each other again. Just don't spend all your time in negative emotional states and no negative emotional experiences with them. Just avoid that. If you have important conversations to have, you guys should be having them in person ideally. And you don't always have to, right? Like a lot of times when women come to me and I'll tell them something and I'm like, yeah, this is, this does that and this creates that, right? And they're like, they take it and they like make it a rule. They're like, okay, he said high note, finish on a high note. I have to always finish on a high note. Well, you don't always have to finish on the high note. You don't always have to be happy. You don't always have to be cheerful and smiling. It's you're a normal human being and that's part of the normal human being. And if he's attracted to you and you've been doing everything right, then having a time when you're not emotionally happy or having a time when you're, you're not ending things on a high note isn't necessarily a big problem at all. And so I wouldn't worry about it. Linda said, I tried the would you rather game said I was baking cupcakes, vanilla or chocolate. He said, whatever you would bake, I enjoy, I'm on a diet. Any thoughts, Matt? Yeah, I mean, that's one thing. I, you know, if you're baking cupcakes and you're actually baking cupcakes and you're like, hey, vanilla or chocolate, I'm baking cupcakes. It's not really the would you rather game, right? The would you rather is like actually asking him, hey, would you rather have chocolate or vanilla cupcakes? And he'll be like, I'm on a diet. And you're like, okay, well, would you rather have, you know, I don't know what kind of a diet he's on. Let's say he's on the paleo diet. And you're like, okay, well, would you rather have vanilla or chocolate bacon, right? Would you rather have vanilla or chocolate, you know, whatever, right? You say one thing and then you're like, oh, he's, you know, he's on a diet. I can't do this anymore, right? You don't have to get freaked out that he said one time that he like rejected it because you brought it up in a weird, you know, in a way that didn't work for the conversation that you're having with him because he thought that you were like, hey, do you want to eat some cupcakes? I'm making them. Do you want me to make chocolate or vanilla? And he's like, hey, I'm on a diet. I don't eat that stuff. And you're like, oh, you know, instead you could, one, don't bring it up like, hey, I'm making cupcakes. Two, bring it up like, hey, we're having this fun game and we're just chatting and you ask him a question. And that's why I like the tea and coffee one because when you do tea or coffee and you just do it out of the blue and you just type in tea dot, dot, dot or coffee question mark, right? Then he's like, okay, she's asking me this question. And then he comes back with his whatever and it doesn't even matter what he says to it. You just say the next question, right? And you're like, you know, pancakes or bacon. And he's like, well, I'll do both. And then you go to the next question, right? And you just hit it over and over and over again and he'll start to catch on. And you'll start to figure out what you're doing. And then he can decide whether he wants to play with you or whether he wants to mess with you or whether he's gonna be a sourpuss and not play the game at all. And that's really up to him. Syka says, thanks for your valuable speech. Well, I'm glad that that speech was valuable. Girls Gone Art says, Matt, how do we get him to ask us to move in and give us the key to his home? You are in a very interesting person, Girls Gone Art. First off, I wouldn't suggest that you do that. Number one, if you want to get married at some point, my suggestion is that you don't try to get him to move you in and that you don't move in and that you don't get a key to his home and that you instead start dating other people and unless you're in an exclusive committed relationship, but make sure that you're not putting yourself into a situation where he's getting all of his needs met and you're not gonna end up getting your needs met. And so my suggestion is that you don't get him to ask you that. And instead you work on getting to the point of marriage if that's something that you want. And if you want to know how to do that, what you need to be doing is going through my system and using my system. A lot of times women come to me and I get this all the time, women will come to me and sometimes they'll get my coaching and they'll get on the phone with me and they're like, okay, I'm in this crazy situation where this thing things aren't working out and what do I say to him to flip things around completely and make him beg to have me back in his life and do all these things for me. And it's like, there's a kind of a process that you really need to go and there's fundamental things that you need to have in place. And if you haven't had those things in place, girls got art, then trying to get him to ask you to move in and give you the key to his home is like, you're like over here and you're trying to do something that's over here, right? And so you need to be having, you need to have the fundamentals down. And it sounds to me like you're coming from kind of this weird, desperate, kind of needy place where you're trying to get them to pay for your stuff and you're trying to get out of your lease of your apartment so that you can move in with him because apparently you can't pay for your own stuff. And so like you need to rethink what you're doing with all of this stuff right now and figure out whether this is the best action for you to take or not. And my suggestion is that you go and get the forever woman program. There should be a link above or below this. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com and make sure that you have the fundamentals in place with your relationship before you go trying to get him to do some crazy thing, like get you to move out of your apartment and into his house, right? Cause that's like, I don't know, that's a little much. You're asking a little much here, girls got art. So Marcel says, my man never craved for me because he's been living with his friend with unlimited benefits and really breaks my heart every second of my life. I need to let him go since he can't leave his friend for me. I already did everything I can to keep him away from his friend, but none of it works. Yeah, and you need to stop doing that, Marcel, Marcel, Marcel, you need to stop doing that, right? Stop trying to make things happen, right? He's going to do whatever he wants to do. That's what men do. Men do whatever they want to do and you trying to keep him away from somebody is only going to make him feel like he wants to go towards that person even more. And so what you need to do is do the opposite, right? You shouldn't be fighting for somebody who's not fighting for you. Only fight for a relationship when somebody is fighting for you as well. If they're not fighting for you, if they're not fighting to stay in the relationship, you don't fight for the relationship either. You let go of them immediately and pull back and find somebody who actually wants to be in a relationship with you. When you're trying to force somebody to be in a relationship with you who's sleeping and living with somebody else, it's like crazy. It's like we're in crazy land or something and you're the king of crazy land. And so you want to stay away from being the king or queen of crazy land and instead come back to reality here where this guy is sleeping with this other person and he doesn't want to be with you. And you need to go and break that off and do your healing that you need to do and refocus your life so that you're focusing on yourself and building yourself up and being strong and believing that you're worthy of having a great relationship where a guy wants just you, right? Right now you're fighting for somebody and you're fighting for a relationship where a guy doesn't even want you, which tells me that you have some serious self-esteem issues and some feelings like you're not really worthy of having something great in your life because if you did believe that you were worthy of that, as soon as you found out this dude was hanging out with this other woman and sleeping with her, you would have walked away from that immediately because this is not a situation that you want to be in at all. So that's what I have to say about that one. Let's see. Doop-de-doop-de-doop. I lost my spot where I was here. Irene asks, how do you make text conversation more meaningful? Well, there's a lot of different ways that you can make text conversations more meaningful. The best way is to have more meaningful questions that you ask when you're having a text conversation, but an even better way is to stop having meaningful conversations over text message. Text message is not designed to have meaningful conversations. If you're gonna have meaningful conversations at the most, at the very least, you wanna have them on video chat. And at the most, what you wanna do is use texting to meet up and get together with your guy. So I get women all the time. It's like they wanna build this big relationship over text message. And that's not the way to do things at all. You do not wanna build a relationship over text message because all kinds of things can go wrong through that. And instead, you wanna use text messaging to meet up in person and or if you're in a long distance relationship, use it to get into video chat. And so I actually, absolutely, there are ways that you can have more meaningful texting conversations, but my suggestion is that you stop trying to do that. And instead you meet up with each other because the magic is in the meetup. That's where the magic is. That is where the magic is. CJ says, seems we will be meeting next year this time with the beer bug quarantine going on. Yep, we got the beer bug right now. So I don't think it'll be that long. I don't think it'll be that long at all. I have a very, very good feeling that it's not gonna be that long. So Barry Love says, I'm afraid since we are not official, it's going to drive him away emotionally because of the beer bug. Well, the beer bug is not gonna drive him away. What's gonna drive him away is smothering him and doing all the things that we talked about in the video that you don't wanna do in a long distance relationship. That's gonna drive him away. The beer bug is just gonna be the beer bug and everybody's gonna do whatever they're gonna do with the beer bug. But if you're still doing the things that I talk about, not only in this video, but also in my long distance allure program, you can get it at the link above or below here. If you get that and you do the things that I talk about in there, then you have the best chance of success. So that's what I suggest that you do. That's what I suggest you do. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-da-ba. Janet says, I have just thrown myself into dating, not very sure what to do in single, then single for 10 years. If not more, I see it's changed quite a bit. Maybe you can help me get started. Yes, I have a program, you can get it for free. It's called The Forever Woman. And there's a link above or below this video that you can go get that for free. Go click on the link, watch the video and get the program. Or you can go to the foreverwomanformula.com, the foreverwomanformula.com. And every time I hear women that say that, they're like, I've been out of dating for years, right? And they go through that program. They're like, wow, this is like one of the most valuable things I've ever watched in my life. And it's great. And you can listen to it on audio if you're driving around or whatever. So my suggestion is that you do that. Do that. Ba-da-ba-da. Rose says, don't you have a podcast? I do. I do actually have a podcast. Rose says, I am a long distance relationship and I don't know what to do when I get to see him for the first time. So you guys haven't seen each other before? He's in Nebraska. Make sure he's a real person. Another problem that a lot of people have is that they fall in love with people that aren't real people. And they're talking to them online and people scammers, scam people out of stuff all the time. So make sure, number one, that you're not talking to a scammer. If they try to get money from you at any time, ever don't do it. Make sure you guys do video chat to make sure that this person's a real person who is not speaking with an accent who lives in the place that you expect this person to actually live. And so that's that. Number two, and you don't know what to do when I get to see him for the first time. Well, you guys have to plan some kind of meetup. If you're, I mean, it depends on are you going there? Is he going to you? Whatever you guys do, first thing you need to figure out is what you feel comfortable with and what kind of a relationship you've already decided that you guys wanna have before you guys meet up. It's always kind of a weird situation when you haven't actually met this person. My suggestion is that you don't go and have a hookup kind of outing with this person. And instead, make sure that you get your own hotel room or Airbnb or whatever, and then just plan on meeting up and going on actual dates like normal people would if you were living close to somebody. Cause what can happen is if you go out there and you guys end up like hooking up and it's just this hookup thing, it might turn fizzle out at that because that might be what he was looking for. And instead you want to make sure that you don't put yourself into the wrong category with a guy, which is something that absolutely can happen. No questions, no question about it, especially if you're in a long distance situation like that. Vicky said, should I expect him to be saying good morning and good night if he's committed? No, you absolutely shouldn't be expecting him to say good morning and good night. That there's some people that do that and there's most people don't. And so if, I mean, sometimes if he does it, that's cool, but you definitely shouldn't expect that he's doing that with you at all, especially a lot. If you guys are in a, are you guys in a long distance? Really, I don't know what kind of a situation you're in, but that is definitely not an expectation that you should have with somebody. I mean, I don't know why you'd expect that at all. And in fact, if he's smart, he will give you space just like if you're smart, you'll give him space. That way when you guys come back together, it's like you pull apart and then you come back and it's like, oh, you know, you guys are just totally in love and craving each other and you miss each other and you're like, and it's like this tension, right? It's, I call it the rubber band effect where you guys both go out and then you slap back together, right? And it's like this fun, amazing, exciting experience that you guys have. So Kathleen says, I really needed to hear this today. He's been gone for three months with his job and locked down at his current city. Well, I'm sad to hear that, sad to hear that. It happens, it happens. Irene says, if he prefers more direct and honesty, is it better to tell him how I feel? It depends on what you mean by tell him how I feel. And I talk about this in live streams all the time because women will come to me and they'll be like, they'll be like, I wanna tell him how I feel, right? And what they mean usually is that they want to like, spew out all these expectations and all these things that they're trying to, trying to tell him about her fantasy of what kind of a relationship and world that she wants to have with him. And so if that's what you're talking about, if you're talking about telling him how, how you feel like, oh, I love you and I wanna have our babies together and I see us living together and a white picket fence and a dog and we're gonna be together forever. You know, you don't wanna do that, right? You can talk about how you feel from a different standpoint. My, one of my colleagues here, Helena Hart talks about feeling statements where you say, I feel this, I feel that and you're talking about your feelings. That's a really powerful way to talk about how you feel. You can talk about how things that are attractive, things that are not attractive. You can sit down and have like really straight conversations if you need to have conversations about things because something hurt you or you were put in a situation where you feel bad about something, you can have those kinds of situations but that's a lot different than just spewing out all of your issues and problems and what you want and how much you love them and how you're gonna lock them in the basements later and keep them down there with no lights on and feed them dog food and because you're so crazy and love with him and you don't want him to ever leave you because I find you, right? Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. I went off on a tangent there. So Girls Gone Art says, I've been dating boyfriend for five months. Oh my God. Okay, so she says I'm 35 and would like to get married. How long should I wait for the ring? You shouldn't wait any longer than a year and five months is nothing, right? Like you're talking about trying to get him to get you, move you in and stuff. Like guys have a timeline and they know by around the six month mark what kind of a relationship he wants to ultimately have with you. And so if you've only been dating for five months, I mean, that's long enough for him to know but if you go like six, seven, eight months and he's not trying to move things forward, he's probably not going to, right? And based on the ways that you're talking right now, you need to do some leaning back and some chilling out and some rewiring of your belief systems and some taking care of your own problems and your issues and your money situation for yourself because some guy isn't gonna wanna take that on if you've got other even bigger money kind of problems which maybe you do, maybe you don't, I don't have any idea, but based on your concern for trying to get him to pay your bills and it's only been five months, like, yeah, you know, I don't know about that. And if it's not his idea and you're trying to make it, you're trying to get him to think that way and you're trying to kind of force and pry him, it just, it sounds like a lot of desperation from you and it sounds like you're kind of in this place where you're trying to force him to do these things and it's not gonna be healthy if you're doing it like that at all. So Anita says, I'm in a long distance relationship while he's stuck in Ireland. I'm in England, obviously stopped visiting recently. We've fallen into a pattern of fighting on the phone now. I agreed he could dot, dot, dot be boss until I found he had been irresponsible in his own life. We are in a power struggle. Yeah, it sounds like you're in a power struggle. How can I help him see that I need to prove he has become sensible before letting him be in charge? Well, you can set your boundaries is one thing that you can do. But another thing is like what you're doing right now is exactly what you're talking about. You're in a power struggle, right? You're trying to create this power dynamic where you're like, I'm gonna make you do this thing, right? And he's like, I don't want to, right? And he's trying to be in charge, but you're like, I'm not gonna let you be in charge until you've figured your life out, right? Which is like, I mean, it's really kind of like down talking him and stuff. And so it just sounds like you're in a really, really bad situation right now in a lot of regards. And you need to break kind of the pattern that you're in for the types of conversations that you're having right now, because what this is gonna lead to, even if you end up setting boundaries and all that kind of stuff and you let him take charge is he's going to end up being resentful. And there's a high probability chance based on what you've already said so far that there might be some kind of backlash to it from him. And that's not gonna look good for either of you guys. And so you wanna avoid doing that and being in that situation and talking in that way to him. And instead of having arguments and trying to make him prove that he's being responsible and stuff, I mean, it really sounds like you're the kind of the relationship that you're in right now. It sounds very immature. It sounds very petty. It sounds very like you're trying to, like you're trying to control him and make him be a certain way, which is only gonna backfire in the end. And so what you have to figure out from here going forward is this guy or really a guy that I can be with longterm is his personality traits and the way that he is, which probably isn't gonna change anytime soon. Is this something that I'm willing to be a part of? And if you think that you're gonna have to keep trying to make him prove that he's being responsible, which this is gonna come up again, by the way, then what's gonna end up happening is you're just gonna get in this pattern of him proving, you kind of letting go of it and then him taking a spiral downwards and then you getting all power struggle back on him. And this is gonna happen for the rest of the time that you're in this relationship unless both of you guys break this pattern immediately and you stop trying to control him and start instead accepting him for who he is and then deciding whether you actually wanna be with this man, who is this man, the way that he is right now or not. And yeah, absolutely, you can put up a boundary and let him know what it is that you want, but you aren't gonna do it until you found that he does this one thing, but just remember that this isn't going away. This is something that's gonna stay with you. Jeanette says, nice haircut. Well, thank you, Janet. Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette. So Shadowed says, what if because of family you can't see or speak to each other as much as you want? What do you mean by that? What do you mean because of family you can't? Are you like what kind of a situation would you be in where your family is preventing you from seeing and speaking to each other? Are you both living with your parents? Are you adults? Like what's going on here? I'm a little bit confused about what's going on in your situation and why your family wouldn't allow you to see and speak to each other as much as you want to. I mean, it sounds based just on this that maybe you guys are either minors or you still live with your parents. And if you're not minors, if you're actually adults and you still live with your parents, my suggestion is that you get out of living with your parents as soon as possible and instead live on your own and be responsible for yourself. If you're minors, then you shouldn't be on this channel right now. Bunny says, hi Matt, hi Bunny. Thanks for this video, you're welcome. Glad that we seem to be doing things right to keep our LDR going strong. That's good to hear, I like that. It's good to hear Bunny Bundy. Melk says, not all LDR got failed. I'm happy to my LDR now. We see each other here in Hong Kong after that our relationship gets stronger. I'm from the Philippines. Yeah, they don't all fail, right? 60% of them, statistically speaking, do well. And so if you're part of that 60%, then you're doing great. If not, then not. So Relly says, hi, you look great today. Well, thank you Relly, I appreciate that. So we kind of live in this world right now that's like the hookup culture, right? And a lot of people are having tons and tons of problems because lots of people are just hooking up. It's men and women, by the way. A lot of women come to me and they're like, oh, men just wanna hook up. Well, a lot of women just wanna hook up too. And I hear it all the time where they say that guys will tell me that they can't meet a woman that wants to actually be in a relationship. And so most women come to me, most of the women who do come to me are looking to attract a man who loves them and sees them and cherishes them and they wanna get into a committed, lasting relationship. Usually if they don't, they don't last very long in our community. But one of the problems is that men keep pulling away and disappearing on them. And this makes them feel confused and doubt themselves and their own value and their self-worth. And many times they feel like they just wanna give up on dating relationships and men altogether. And I totally get it, right? If you're having a hard time with men and dating right now, this is the world that we live in. It's pretty common that people are having lots of problems. And we live in a culture where superficial relationships are encouraged and anything meaningful is discouraged. And that's why I have put together a system for attracting a great quality guy into a great quality relationship. And what you wanna do is three things. There's a three-part plan to it, right? One is to believe in your own value. You have to believe in your own value because of the law of belief transference. Whoever believes something stronger than the other person will transfer those beliefs to the other person, which is why you can't try to convince a guy to love you or commit to you or any of that stuff because he in his own mind has already set in his ways of like, no, I don't believe that, I'm not feeling that. That's not what's going on with me. And so doing those kinds of things doesn't work because you can't change his beliefs that way if his or stronger than yours are. And so instead, you wanna position yourself in value. You wanna believe in your value, position yourself in value, and then you wanna communicate in a way that communicates your value. You wanna set boundaries. You want to make sure that you're not getting into a situation that isn't worthy of you, right? And a lot of women are getting into situations that aren't worthy of them. And that's why they come to me because they're in a challenging situation and I help them get out of it and turn their marriages around or attract a really great guy or start attracting guys, right? Or get to second dates and, you know, get into a situation where they connect with a man's emotions so that he falls in love with them. And that's what I do. And that's what happens with the women who join the forever woman program. And if you wanna check out the forever woman program, there's a link above and below this video. There's also, if you're interested in my long distance program, it's called Long Distance Allure. There's a link above and below this video. So go check that out. Thank you so much for being with me here today. I really appreciate you. I'm so grateful for you to be a part of my community and allowing me to be here with you and being on your journey to helping you attract the man that you've always wanted to have in your life. And we have the most amazing women in our community in the entire world. And so thank you so much for the women who are a part of our community. Thank you for being with me here today. And I'm doing another live stream tomorrow. So make sure you check out the channel. We're gonna be doing lots of long distance relationship live streams because a lot of people are in long distance relationships right now. And so I wanna make sure that you're getting your needs met and you're getting everything that you need to make sure that you're in a great relationship. So thank you so much for being here. And I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it.