 The Jack Benny program transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to guess. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarettes they take fine. Tobacco it's light. Tobacco it's mild. Tobacco too. And it's toasted. Yes, it's toasted. Because the toasting brings a taste right through. So to get better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to guess. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. This is Don Wilson, friends. That version of the Lucky Strike song Dorothy Collins just sang may be different in tempo, but the story is still the same. A Lucky Taste Better because it's toasted to taste better. You see, better taste starts with fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted is the famous Lucky Strike process that brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor. Tones up this naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. So friends, remember that next time you buy cigarettes and be happy. Go Lucky. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester, Dennis A. Bob Crosby, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does another television show. But meanwhile, let's take you back to yesterday. Last night the members of the Beverly Hills Beavers put on a play at the school auditorium. Of course, Jack Benny, who happens to be the treasurer of the club, was planning to go. We now find Rochester pressing Jack's tuxedo. Press it once and press it twice, then press it once again. It's been a long, long time. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now. Well, I got the pants brisk. Now I better finish pressing the coat. I wonder where Mr. Benny bought this tuxedo. It should be on the label. Yeah, there it is. The Pepp Boys. Rochester, have you finished pressing my clothes yet? Yes, boss, but who was the last one you read at this top seat or two? Why? Every time I lay the coat down, the arms fold. Oh, stop. Anyway, you're only going to a school play. Why dress formal? Well, Rochester, the Beavers aren't putting on just a play. They're going to do their version of my radio program. You see, each one of the kids will portray a member of my cast. Oh. And since I'm the inspiration for their show, they may ask me to come up on the stage and make a speech. Gosh, I'll never forget 10 years ago when I made that speech at the Academy Awards. Boss, I didn't know you were on the speakers list. I wasn't, but I just had to get up and tell them what I thought of. I'm glad I did, too. I'll get it, Rochester. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Am I early? Well, we don't have to be at the school auditorium for a half hour yet. Send her home, Mary. Thanks. Here's your top seat of boss. Oh, help me out with the coat, Rochester. I want to see if it still fits. Thanks. Jack, if you wear that old tuxedo again, I'm not going out with you. It's so old-fashioned now. Old-fashioned? Yes, look how long the coat is. Ha, ha, ha. What are you laughing at? You look like the villain in The Drunkard. I wear the cape. Now, Mary. Jack, I mean it. I wouldn't be seen dead in that tuxedo. Our last customer didn't mind. I'm going to wear this tuxedo, and that settles it. Now, Rochester, I won't be home. And there's a phone. I'll get it. Hello? Hi, Jack. This is Bob. I hate to bother you, Dave. But, well, I wanted to let you know I'm on jury duty. Jury duty? You're kidding. No, the first case comes up Wednesday, and it may last for weeks. But this is ridiculous. You'll miss my show. Didn't you tell him you worked for me? Yes, I did, Jack. But why didn't you tell him it would be a hardship if you had to lose the income from my show? Well, I told him, Jack, but that didn't work either. Why not? Well, they pay more than you do. What? Three bucks a day. Well, that temporary work is always high. But, Bob, I just can't let you miss my show. Well, there's really nothing you can do about it, Jack. Oh, no. What about my contract with you? Well, that's the case that we're trying Wednesday. Now, look, stop joking, Bob. I need you for the show, so I wish you'd try and make it. OK, say, by the way, Jack, did you get that recording that I made with the sportsman? Oh, yes, Bob. It's right here. Well, will you play it? I think you might enjoy it. All right, I'll play it right now. So long, Bob. Goodbye. Oh, Mary, Bob sent me a record that he made with the sportsman quartet. Let's play it. OK. Where is it? Right there by the phonograph. And play it loud, Mary, so I can hear it in the other room while I'm getting dressed. OK. The moon is shining. Oh, happy night. Come to me, darling. Hold me so tight. I need your loving. Really, yes, I do. You said you love me. I know it's true. My life's complete, dear. For now, I have you. Oh, happy day. To me. The lucky strike is a smoke. Surrounded firm and fully packed. It's better tasting. Bad is the fact. Oh, happy day. Happy, go lucky day. A lucky cleaner, pressure two. A lucky strike is a smoother smoke. It's true. Oh, happy day. Happy, go lucky day. Very good. It was thoughtful of Bob to get the sportsman to do it with him. Oh, it sure was. Say, Jack, don't you think it's about time we left for the school auditorium? Yes, we haven't got much time. Rochester, get my car out of the garage, will you please? You can't use a car, boss. A nail went through one of the tires. Oh. I told you not to buy such cheap tires. Rochester, the most expensive tire in the world, can be punctured by a nail. A fingernail. Well, what did you touch it for? Always testing. Now what are we going to do? Well, I've got my car outside. OK, we'll go in yours. Come on. Bye, Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Nice song, Bob sang. Yeah. Oh, look, Jack, here comes Dennis on a bicycle. Where? Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, kid. We were just leaving for the school auditorium. Aren't you going to see the Beverly Hills beavers put on their play? Oh, sure. But it's such a nice night. I thought I'd ride over on my new bicycle. Oh, is that a new one, Dennis? Yeah, one at last night on a quiz program. On a quiz program? Gosh, you're really lucky. Yeah. Was it a hard question? Oh, no, it was easy. The man pointed at me and said, would you pay $100 for this bicycle? I said yes. So I gave him the $100, and he gave me the bicycle. Dennis? I almost won a refrigerator, but I didn't have enough money. Look, kid, did the master ceremony of this quiz program have a little hammer in his hand? Uh-huh. Dennis, you were at an auction. Certainly. And all those people crowded around were bidding. I know what I'd have done if I'd have had the hammer. Now come on, we better get to the. Now come on, we better get to the school auditorium. OK. Oh, by the way, Dennis, did you ask your mother if you could go duck hunting with me again next week? Yeah. Dennis, I didn't know you'd go, Mr. Benny, on his hunting trip. Oh, sure. I'm his retriever. You mean when he shoots you bring back the duck? No, when he misses, I have to bring back the buck shot. All right, now, Dennis, leave your bicycle here and come with us. OK. Say, this school auditorium really is packed. But we got pretty good seats, didn't we, Mary? Oh, these are fine. Right in the center, too. Can you see all right, Dennis? No. Did you ask that man in front of you to take off his hat? It isn't his. What? It's mine. I put it there. Well, take it off and be quiet. Hey, Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Joey. Is everything ready backstage for your show? Uh-huh. Are the kids nervous? Yeah, a little bit. Well, good luck. Thanks, Mr. Benny. And by the way, you'll be happy to know that we're almost sold out of popcorn. Well, good, good. Now push the lemonade. Go ahead. OK. You know, Ms. Livingston, tonight we're going to do a takeoff on Mr. Benny's radio show. I know. Say, Joey, did you finally get a fat kid to play down Wilson? Uh-huh. Good, good. Now, you'd better hurry or you'll be late, man. Well, Mary, it won't be long now before the show begins. Gee, I hope the beavers really do it. Hey, Mary. Mary. Huh? Don't look now, but there's a lady across the aisle who keeps staring at me. I guess she recognizes me. Where? Here she comes. Oh, me. But would you be good enough to give me your autograph? Well, I certainly. There you are. Thank you. You were wonderful in the drunkard. I told you not to wear that cape. I'll take it off. You know, Mary, this idea of the little kids doing my radio program is really clever, isn't it? Yes, Jack. I think it's the cutest thing that's, oh, the curtain's going up. Yeah, yeah. And look. Look, they've even got a kid orchestra. Quiet. Here they go. Hey, with Mary Livingston, Rochester, and Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and yours truly, John Wilson. A star of our show. Amanda still has the first dollar he's ever earned, not because he's cheap, because you can't spend Confederate money. Jack Ben. This is Jack Benney talking. And, John, did you think of that introduction all by yourself? Yes, Jack, and I thought it was very funny. Oh, you did, eh? Yes. Don. When you shook like that, you got a proposal from Hilo Hattie. Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hiya, Don. I called you last night, but your mates said you were out. That's right. I went to the baseball game with Van Johnson. That was nice. Who won? When you were with Van Johnson, who watches the game? Mary, what's this you dropped on the floor? That? Oh, that's the letter I got from Mama. From your mother, eh? What does the food dimension of Plainfield have to say? Nice here, now, but as you probably read in the paper, last month we had an awful blizzard, and when your father came in from the barn, his milking hand was frozen. Gee. I hope it thaws out soon as we'd like to get the cow out of the house. Hey, Mary. Mary, that little girl is a natural-born actress. Yes, you went right on reading the letter, even though her bloomers were so cute. Yeah. No other news, so we'll close now with love, your loving mother, Mama. You know, Mary, your mother's letters get better all the time. But let's get on with the show. Oh, Bob. Bob Crosby, I'm talking to you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't hear you. Didn't hear me. No, I've been rehearsing the band, and my ears are still folded. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't hear you. I didn't hear me. No, I've been rehearsing the band, and my ears are still folded. I should have asked you... Ask you. Did you learn how to pronounce that word yet? I think so. Let me hear you say it. Man, I shiver with... You don't want to disgrace your life and children. Say, Jack, what is it, Don? I think this fellow has a telegram for you. Well, what's he waiting for? Oh, boy, boy. Western Union. Who do you think I am with this Uniform Nelson Eddy Just give me the message here you are and here's a tip for you. Oh boy and nickel now I can send my father through college That trouble with you before What's the matter with you? Do you enjoy aggravating me? That's the cheapest thing I ever heard of Mary be quiet or you'll be known as nylon Nellie at the May Company Feature attraction tonight. We are going to do. Hello, Mr. Betty. Hello, Mary Hello, Dennis. I'm glad you got here because it's time for Wait a minute Dennis look at me. This is the first time I ever saw you wearing glasses Are your eyes bad? No, then why are you wearing those glasses? My uncle died and left him to me Well, that's a shame. Yeah, I can't see a darn thing with it See with them take them off just because somebody leaves you something in a wheel you're not compelled to use it. I'm not no Anybody want to buy a set of teeth? Time for your song. Okay. Why are you singing? I'm going out in the hall and get a candy bar out of the machine He was a peaceful man picked up the pizza after Clancy left the scene He never looks for trouble. That's the fact you can't assume But never the less one trouble would press Clancy lower the boom or whenever they got his Irish up Clancy lower the boom Neighbors all turned out for Kato gradies one night The people said let's have some fun. I think I'll start a fight He wrecked the hall and kissed the bride and pulverized the groom Then cook as a wink before he could think Clancy lower the boom or Clancy lower the boom or they got his Irish up Clancy It was the most beautiful sight here, but it's even Clancy lower the boom They've got hushies circus peanuts lifesavers Babe roof and milky dips. I think I'll get that one a milky dip. He bud bud Yeah, what you doing? I'm getting some candy. What kind A milky dip uh-uh Get a hushiball Hushiball in this hot weather nothing runs like chocolate milky dip milky dip hasn't got a chance What are you talking about milky dip not only has chocolate on the outside, but it has cream in the center That's what will give you the trouble What cream is hard to handle unless you whip it I thought of that You really think I should get a hushiball? Can't miss look at the last performance Last performance? Yeah Coming out of the machine hushy was boxed in by lifesaver, but got through the hole Really? And lifesaver was the flavorate I don't know. I'm still gonna Wait a minute. I know what I'll do. I'll get on and enjoy it. Okay. It's your don't Wasn't it cute jack just like the tout on our show. Yeah Okay, Mary I'm jack. Oh, I ran into that racetrack tout Now, where will we we're supposed to start our sketch. Oh, yes Well, hold on a second kids before we start. I want to call Rochester It's a good truth How to get you Rochester, please just a moment blue. I should get in Rochester It's a good thing. He talked to you. I had a hung up on him. Why? Jack took me out once and didn't even kiss me good night I can't understand it. I even brought my lips up close to him like this Kiss you. Well, fill that by the man who knows Oh, it's you boss. Yeah It's a man from the used car lot come around to buy my car Yes, sir. Well, did you tell him the price was a thousand dollars? Uh-huh, but he told me that the used car market has dropped them in the last few days. Oh, what did he offer you? 750 Well, that isn't so bad. You ought to see where the decimal point is On his side, you know as well as I do that the car is worth a thousand dollars. Oh boss come now Well, tell the man. I'm not selling in any way and come down to the studio and pick me up. Goodbye. Goodbye Try to put on a program and something always happens Play bob lemonade get your lemonade in the lobby. Oh, I'm sorry Ladies and gentlemen, jack will be back in a minute to tell you about his television program Which goes on at 7 p.m. Tonight over the cbs television network But first a word to you smokers who are looking for better taste in a cigarette Better taste friends is the prime concern of the makers of lucky strike That's why a lucky is made of fine good tasting tobacco that's toasted to taste even better Yes, better taste begins with fine light mild tobacco good tasting tobacco and then that tobacco is told