 It's like a scenario that it's redriving and that you feeling all that guilt and all the different scenarios and everything if you get stares and layers and layers and the levels and the intricacies of complexity that are involved with the dreams and You know, they're they're designed to be complex so that they'll be this like pervasive, all pervasive and suffocating feeling of of being trapped in a very crazy place Jesus says that that you know, you're not really so much afraid that it's a It's a bad world or a hostile world and everything the thing that scares you the most is meaninglessness You know, you'll even make up bad good and bad to avoid meaninglessness So when you start to go down deeper and deeper and you start to get underneath the layers and layers It just gets it gets more and more meaningless and to the ego. That's it's more the ego turf is that is more hopeless he said you're really really terrified of a meaningless world and Basically when you go down and down deeper, that's the point where You know, it's like a release point or a surrender of trying to read meaning into something that needs to be just Handed over to the Holy Spirit all the way. That's the only escape from it so You know the guilt maybe you're feeling you think I killed a bird. I was the driver I I ran over a bird, you know, I took a bird's life, but remember nothing Happens by accident even in the dream world. It's all It's all part of a plan, you know, it's like Everything that even seems to die in this world, you know, Jesus is saying we'll live again in you When you recognize who you are. It's like it's that's where the life is the life Isn't in the bodies the life can't be snuffed out so easily like that it's the ego made up the world of So-called organic and living things where there seems to be birth and death and cycles and all these different things It's all part of the fabric of the same Same dream and when you go through a day where you feel that heavy guilt It's like it's just like a weight a noose around your neck when it just feels like you can't get out of the noose That's just an opportunity to drop down even deeper Into in and through that sense of meaninglessness Because that's where all this takes you. I mean I I know in my life I kept following following following the guidance following my prompts and it's almost like I had to go through rings of What seemed to be deeper and deeper meaninglessness? You know, what's the point? What's the point of all this? Where is this heading? I can't make any sense of it. And I can't make any sense of this deeper and deeper and deeper into a surrender of Meaning a surrender of trying to figure it out. I mean, I was just talking to Lisa tonight And she said there's a there's a man who's home tearing at the monastery who's a millionaire and he's there working the course lessons every day and She said he is so adorable because He thinks he knows something and He's aware that that's his problem So he'll start yammering on about something and Lisa will just stare into his eyes and he'll go He'll stop his yammering. He'll go. Oh, yeah, I still think I know something and then he'll start yammering on about something else and Lisa will turn to him and just look at him looks at him and he goes Okay, yeah, I remember still think I know something and then he's doing something It's like I was a millionaire and he's down there volunteering at the The monastery working with this course lessons and collaborating with her and Then he's going yammering on something and he goes. Oh, yeah, I Really have a bad case of the I know mind He's the millionaire says I think I really know something and She's just like she's saying to me on Skype Adorable adorable But the Holy Spirit has sent me a millionaire who's onto it That his only problem His only problem is he thinks he knows something and they work on this every day He will get off yammering on something after they're collaborating. He'll start going talking about something She says that kills try to tell the joke and he'll tell the joke and she'll just look at him stare in his eyes He says that's right. That's not even funny. I still think I know something. It's just this gaze of That's not why you're here You're here for a much deeper purpose and then Finally she speaks after she's looked at him looked at him looked at him He ambers on Jesus looks and he says okay. I think I know something and he says she says you know the stuff that you're talking about doesn't really mean anything at all and What you're really wanting to say to me is I love you Lisa That's what I'm too terrified to say that's what I've been avoiding That's what I'm scared about. That's why I'm filling in having all this mind chatter about nothingness It's because I'm afraid of the love I'm afraid of expressing the love. I'm afraid of Let's go home together I'm afraid of we are the same one I'm afraid of everything that I've ever taught myself and learned in this entire cosmos is a lie everything without exception and That I love you is true And what would it cost me? You know if I really just let go into that love Jesus says you would lose the whole world that you see If you if you open to that love You would be engulfed you would first weep tears Like weep like you've never wept before because of the love is so intense If you dropped it if you dropped the belief that you know anything about anything. I mean really This is not a difficult course at all. Let's be honest really This quick playing the game that this is difficult look at the lessons nothing I see means anything I have given everything. I see all the meaning it has for me. I do not know what anything is for These thoughts do not mean anything. I'm never upset for the reason I think I'm upset because I see something That's not even there. I see only the past My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts Those are the first eight lessons in the workbook. Jesus isn't holding back He's saying you can learn this course because it's the most natural thing ever It's been very unnatural to learn all of this much to do about nothing When we were in school, I mean some of us may have had better experiences and worse experiences, but I Don't know about you, but did anybody here really enjoy school? I Didn't I won't lie. I Remember in grade school It was I was playing all summer just playing in the creek with the the frogs and the The crawdads and making little things with clay and I would play play play I would I would play really long I get good and hot and sweaty and tired because I play Hard and you know I play my heart out every day and then I get home I get cleaned up I take a shower get to sleep and I wake up to play again. What do you do in summer? When you're a kid I played and then when it came to be fall when I had to go and learn Things in school. I did not like it. I felt like I was going to a prison camp. I Was always nervous and anxious about the first day of school What am I doing here? I Don't even belong here. This is not play this is not fun and You know and really recess was the best time in school for me or field trips That's all I look forward to math. No Reading no Any kind of I was just not thrilled with it and now we have a context for it We start to realize that we've we bought debates we went for it we thought we could learn our way out of it and The ego is laughing at us the whole time The more intricate our learnings became the more confused we were more lost the more complicated Things became it's more complicated to be an adult Than it is to be a baby We've gone in the wrong direction We started out Kind of complicated and we've gotten really complicated and in the end. Yeah, it's about it's just about experience our innocence. That's That's all it's about really Anybody tries to tell you anything else. It's just It's just a load of BS. I Mean in the end you have to give up your religion and you have to give up spirituality to Everyone's like going around the big difference between religion and spirituality It's it's all Much to do about nothing you have to you have to end the end You have to see that that your spiritual path that you clung to and all the techniques you use and all the things It was all about the innocence. It was all about the love. It was all about acceptance. It was all about recognition It was never about the process You know as much as sometimes we try to convince ourselves. I'm waking up Damn proud of it Yeah, who is the one that's so proud? The process of waking up. It's time in the end Even that you know you have to let go of it all Of course, you have to let go of the journey in the end to arrive at the state of mind which was a journey without distance to a goal that never changed that changed the goal itself the Movement of time the process itself has got to cave in on itself eventually Like a like a stack of cards, you know, it's just gonna it's like if you're building a house of cards It's all gonna get it's all gonna implode on itself And be happy for the imploding remember the Gray slick song Just fall apart Baby, we can make it if we're hard to hurt That's the Holy Spirit. Hmm We can find it in our hearts. We can find the innocence there even when things seem to collapse even when things seem to implode Don't try to hold it together We're going home We're we're waking up and there's there's not a need to make it any more complicated than that So in the end, that's why we're here to expose the ego let it arise and release it because It's a death wish. It is the guilt that Malfrey you were talking about. It's this pervasive sense of guilt It's the only game the ego knows it does Everything every scheme it has every defense every trick in the book is all aimed at perpetuating guilt and I think for those of you that have come here you you have had glimmers Some glimmers of this innocence That you're just perfect as you are you don't change you don't need to become better at something You don't need to fix something, you know just the glimmers of that