 Backtits twisted around a ceiling fan. What episode is this? Number 34? Are we live in every single country in every city in the world? This isn't actually even Mumbai. Mumbai is a city. Oh, yeah, it's in India This is geography Yeah, oh My god You've got to be careful you have to be more careful dude. Oh my god, dude I was ready. You fucking would go on at me. So I went to fence mode Yeah, you can't go to fence mode with this equipment here, dude. Luckily, I have to let it happen We didn't get any of the equipment. It just missed it It did I can see a droplet on the soundboard. Yeah, it's starting to fucking starting to eat into it eating into it episode number 34 Um What's fucking it's a Friday? We don't film the podcast on a Friday and the reason we're filming on a Friday It's because last weekend last Friday night. We had a bucks party an old Tormba friend little Michaels at Bucks. So we went to the coast. It was a wild evening We don't really drink much anymore But we went hard and we went fast and all through Friday to Saturday. We didn't sleep. We were up We were doing things. Oh, I do very naughty things. All right, you sort of Know what I'm saying and then come fucking Sunday Monday, well, what happened to you because I left on Saturday midday hadn't slept because I had to go home and fucking Just had to I had to get out of there. I was just so fucked Yeah, well, I stayed and that was bad idea because as soon as you went my phone died Then we went out. I lost everyone I came back And then everyone had gone to bed because I was so fucked. I didn't remember which my I didn't know what my room was The number of it. So I'm like going up and down in the fire like the fire escape stairs Just trying to figure out just hoping getting a feel for door Like a sick creep dude, I was like this fucking it was like 1 a.m. In the morning and it gave up I was like, all right. I'm gonna go like down and I just sort of took like refuge in the lobby And then these two people came out and like dude's up Michael. Is that you? Yeah, like two fans Yeah, they just know me from the vids and like, oh dude, you can come sleep on the carpet Anyway, I went and slept on the carpet. I was so fucked and then I woke up in the morning There's a kid there. Yeah, there's a kid. Let's just and then I had to go back down to the lobby and then I was like Finally bumped into my friends got my stuff had to drive home. Yeah, dude drive suck. I was so tired. Anyway This week has been the lowest week of the year man. We can't do it anymore Monday Tuesday Wednesday on Tuesday we were like Matt we can't film the podcast because There's no way we're gonna laugh. Oh, it's so down There's no dopamine no serotonin. It was just gone and today is sort of the first day that we're fucking back to Normal-ish. Oh, yeah, rough rough. We're off the weed during the week now till we've decided We're gonna smoke just on weekends now. We're gonna be but since today is Friday. We're allowed to smoke Hi with you guys. We'll have a little cheeky puff of locuses Also in other news a really long-term fan Felicity Bungardo, she was watching us back when we were nothing. I remember her. Yeah, she's dead. Oh really? We just wanted to say mention her mention her because she's put a lot of time and effort into commenting Yeah, we loved her. She was one of the first ever like Continuous commenters on every single thing on everything and it was from like the very get-go. This is like 60 years ago This is like fucking before before you were alive before I Think like think about Time yeah, the land before time before that film right before that started. That's great Fucking just how did you find this out? Um, I randomly came up in Facebook memories one of her fucking Video we did and then I clicked on it and then saw that she had commented I was like, ah, I haven't heard from her for a while clicked on it and saw that it was like Felicity's funeral will be blah blah blah Wow, yeah, dude, but yeah, I guess I guess it happens. It happens to most people. We love you Felicity Man fucking how we've had a few people die. Hey people just dying all the time No, it's apparently you can just go like that back Dead back one minute alive one minute dead brain and and use them that is what freaks me out, dude man anything Matt anything can like I Watch the fucking YouTube video a sinkhole just opened up underneath this cunt's bedroom and swallowed him and died And it could never they couldn't even retrieve him because the sinkhole just kept getting deeper and deeper and just piling back in on top He's fucking still fucking buried his body. Well, at least it's like a quick funeral. Maybe you're screaming for days I couldn't save him. Oh really so the sinkhole Just remember that when you're drifting off to sleep a sinkhole could emerge under your fucking arse and he fucking moment Yeah, well that would be scary. It'd give you quite the fright Oh What else do we need we did it we did it oh sort of we just we swore but that was no I think we got through three minutes without swearing. Oh damn it. I fucking got you I thought it was like 10 minutes. We had to get through now three man. That's so I was so do a stages man stages I'm also some fucking They wanted us to mention this. I don't know I said, yeah, okay some fucking Media Thing has ranked us in the top 30 Australian funny funny podcasts We're in the top top 30 on the feed spot rankings and they just wanted us to mention that so If you want to see it if you want to see us ranking highly in a table Go visit the feed spot Fucking go off top 30 on a random on a random poll very good Fuck man, they don't make those polls up things are lifting that for sure things are lifting for us in the US 110% There we go this year with the Aussie podcast awards. Maybe we'll yeah, that's soon get your fucking ears shit ready, brother Get ready because of voting open soon, and then we're gonna have to fucking send we're gonna send everyone who votes Video message will try to okay. We should be a little last year But it's gonna be a lot bigger this year I think so it's gonna be harder and harder and harder and harder and harder and here we are lucky that we are having proved We're growing slowly, but sure. Well, not slowly. It was pretty intense growth to begin with yeah, okay You know when you're yeah when you first start fucking yeah, and then that's sort of growth Then you get old I do start going in Somehow I enjoyed mine Yeah, you love you first for speaking of first fucks this podcast is sponsored by man scraped If you want the best male grooming products go to manscaped Com and if you want 20% off Who doesn't want 20% off raise your hands No one I don't all right if you Michael don't worry about if you want 20% off use our discount code fully actual 20 You get 20% off they got the best ball shavers in town. We all use them now. They got ball perfume they got They got all sorts of shit. You wouldn't even think of all wipes think about it Okay, you're out in the club. Some girl is getting off wrong. She's licking her lips You know you know that it's not just sex. She's gonna give you head She's gonna suck you off and fuck. Let's be honest when you've been grooving you've been grooving She's heavy stinks density you get one of these wipes that they have And you pull your foreskin back and you just twist it around like that and just give it a rinse You just thrown into the crowd dancing and the balls will maybe use a second one for the balls Yeah, and then You're sweet. You she can suck away and not be disgusted. Yeah, fuck. I hope she's not and then you can give her I'm not freaking her out and you can give her a ball wipe and she can wipe her chin when she's done Anyway, that's man-scaped our other sponsor is Subscription website the University of Markle where we post a weekly video. It's fucking taken off It's starting to get really good to Willem. Fucking. Thank you, dude. We're checking it out Willem Powerfish you guys know him some of you might not funny his guy Aussie influencer very funny We gave him the logins. He was just curious and he put us some stories up saying it's like some of the funniest shit He's ever seen so thank you very much for that Well, and we just been getting lots of praise for the website videos lately Just people just coming out from the blue and it was a good week for it to happen. Yeah, fuck It was a low. Yeah, we needed a bit of dopamine. Yeah, some compliments now. Yeah, you guys are so inflated Can't I I don't even want to feel I'm like on par Yeah, you wait till we have some weed man. You're gonna be flying high. I'll just be a giggly man Giggle pot. He's doing is how you think? Oh, we yeah, we'll talk about what? We smoked earlier for the first time. It's worn off now, but long story short Holy fuck. Is it effective again? Like yeah, I don't it's gone right back down tolerance has gone right back down and all we've had is like a week off So that's good. Yeah science. I think that's all the shit talk of we got What do we got right now the video? That's out is um This you might notice this on the table. This is a chunk of wax The wax that you heat up and it melts and then you slap it on your body and you rip it off and it rips your hair out This is covered in Michael's armpit hair like all of his armpit hair. It's beautiful. It's like a hair brush It's like a tongue a cow's tongue. It's like a pig's ear. It's just lovely. Anyway, the video we filmed we covered Michael from head to toe in this wax. We were meant to cover both, but there wasn't enough Wasn't enough wax. Well, I must have the calculations weren't quite right. I didn't account for wastage We literally spent like what 250 dollars on wax and it wasn't enough to cover two grown men But yeah, next time we're doing you first. Well, it's just lucky. I want paper scissors rock But yeah, that should be out now and what what's coming out on the website? Oh my god another fucked video the laxity of Olympics. Yeah, we spoke about this last week. Oh, yeah, we did the podcast after the day of it. Anyway, that's out now as well anyway, diary entries Yeah, I'm looking forward to this Do you have anything to say Matthew? No, I've had aches. I'm quite ill and that's not feeling the best. All right, he's hungover as fuck. So if anyone If anyone's gonna spare a moment send her a message a nice message. Oh, okay diary entry. Ha I'll warm the lips up these days. Hey, ha ha ha She sells she's found down stairs in the basement Diary entry number 141 from Michael Corrie bookhouse rain is just falling cloud. Don't you know? Cloud can fall and its name changes to rain. But why when humans fall do we stay the same? Really makes you think doesn't it? I had this thought while I was scratching my G spot Also, if you want to make shit crystals, all you have to do is press your wet bear ass against the wall in the shower and fart Then there should be brown specks flacked on the wall and they will be there for days. So yeah, remember that, okay? Anyway, I'm gonna have to get some custard for breakfast It's all true That's me That's what he used to come to fucking school with and you just be so excited because he's made more shit crystals on his fucking shower wall And so if you fart are you a wet ass you can get a little brown flecks and it sticks there Make pretty little patterns Diary entry number 111 from Marty Today I sucked off a man He paid me 60 and dad took 30 for organizing it. It was a pretty good day That's the best one yet Today I sucked off a man. How old were you? Diary entry number 69 from Julian James Tansen was from Ash Gravel some shit 40 60 till I die Today some fucking clock thing tried to tell me the time It's ain't tick fucking talk and shit like fuck off cunt I know the time better than any fucking clock does cunt. I reckon it's 445 not 430 cunt A guy I used to work with actually invented time. So yeah, I fucking know more about time than anyone Next clock that's gonna try and tell me the time. I'm gonna fucking uppercut it cunt I don't cry Emotion there he was I was a he was showing a bit of a bit of heart. Yeah, maybe you'd chinking his armor That's a great sentence. Did you think of that? Yeah, I actually invented that. Someone said that before? No, no, no, that's the first time. That is very good English. Thank you. Look it up. I said that. Fuck, dude. Google who said chink in the armor first. It should say Marty. If it doesn't, let me know because I'll call him. Give me. Dick O. Tar. Dick O. Tar. That's how you spell his name. D-I-C-K dash O dash T-A-H. Dick O. Tar. Dick O. Tar. Dick O. Tar. Dick O. Tar. Dick O. Tar. And Matt from now on, if anyone asks how to spell that, that's how I say it. I should have done it on the prank call. I've already done the prank call. It's at the end. She's going to have some more problems in the future. Oh, she's got a pretty solid head on her shoulders for a young lady. So I actually take that back. Okay. She's doing well. Diary entry number 1078 from Matthew Gregory. It was a sweet windy evening and I was grating up my neighbor's house cat. I couldn't enjoy the process though as my mind was elsewhere. I was focused on my training and knew an incredibly powerful quest and inquire could attack at any moment. For tonight's training, I was planning on having a ball out at a farm. If I can have balls, then maybe I can out have my brother and mother. I finished grating the house cat and prepared myself for a night hunt by stretching my eyelids as far as they would go before tearing. The resulting pain, I felt thickened my mints and by midnight I was ready. I stepped outside sniff the air and my pupils instantly swelled up to the size of golf balls. I already had the ball stand and began bounding backwards to the farm. My bounding was becoming effortless and I cut through the night air like a greasy ball bearing caught under loose foreskin. I arrived at the farm and spotted the ball. I slithered within meters. My heart started spinning on the spot, tangling all my arteries. I lined up its asshole and launched myself exactly how a frog jumps at the beast. With my mouth and eyes wide open, my entire head entered its arse. All the way to my shoulders, the ball immediately started bucking and threw my body up and down like a rag doll while my head remained trapped in its arse. I desperately tried pulling my head out but the ball seemed to be clenching its ring which was now strangling me. The bucking continued and my body would flop up and then snap back down as the ball landed. The strain on my neck was horrendous and for a second I thought the ball might be besting me. With my mouth still open, I started to suck. Letters of bullshit rushed down my throat but I kept swallowing. I reached the end of the shit and started inhaling its entire organs. I swallowed two of its stomachs followed by its kidneys and liver. I was killing the cunt from the inside. The ball stopped bucking and started weakening. This awoke my little brown and it started singing in Latin. My little brown extended and drilled into the ball's rib cage and straight to the heart. My little brown sprayed brown mints directly onto the heart and the ball dropped dead. My head was still up its arse but I managed to wriggle out. I then sodomized the ball's corpse, took a few selfies of me fucking its mouth and screamed my victory song. My training had taught me another valuable lesson. Not to attack someone's arse directly as it could leave you defenseless during the fight. I threw a fistful of brown mints at the moon and bounded backwards home. My confidence was increasing. I just had a ball. Maybe I can defeat my mother and brother after all. Dude. That is so fucking weird to visualize. When the ball is bucking and Matt's body is fucking going about like that. His legs flapping out. Can imagine the whip last year would be pretty intense. Oh dude it would hurt the neck. It would have such strain on it. It would be quite intense. Like you'd have to have such a strong neck. You'd have to really tense it. A lot of pressure on the upper vertebrae. Like that. See? All the way down to the lumbar actually. Like that. You could really severely actually get some bolted fists. Yeah that's good strength. No yeah that is great flexibility in your spinal column there. Well I did a high jump as a kid. What did the Frosby flop? That explains it mate. That bloody explains it. You used to do a high jump. No wonder his bloody spine so fucking floppy. It's the Frisby flop. Isn't it? Frisby flop. Frosby flop. Frisby flop. Frosby flop. Fuck. Comment what it is. I swear it's Frisby. By the way we haven't begged for any engagement yet. If you want to if you can't support us in any other way please. I know I'm not doing it. All right I'm not doing it. Look if you like the video you give it a like and you put a comment down. If you don't know what to comment just comment comment. Because we need to trick the algorithm. Because YouTube doesn't monetize their videos. So they don't show them to new people. So our only growth relies on you guys. So please subscribe. Blah blah fucking blah. We're too naughty. Manscaped. All right. I have something for you Michael. It is Fozbury flop. Whoa I swear. Really? Yeah. It's not Frisby flop. It's not Frisby flop. I used to say Frosby flop. Which is almost a version of Fozbury flop. But it was popularized by and perfected by an American athlete named Dick Frosby. Well my sports teacher was a dick for telling me the wrong thing. And well people was everyone doing scissors before that. Yeah and he won gold that time in that Olympics. It would have been like he's fucking cheating man. Imagine seeing that for the first time. In previous history anyone's only ever done scissors jumps and then all of a sudden this guy's doing it backwards. It would be called a revolution. It would have been fucking mind blowing. You'd be so. Imagine seeing that being the first person to see that. You were the special one. 110% you would. You wouldn't even be there. You'd be like Princess Diana before it died. Like being off in another universe seeing that for the first time ever. It's like seeing the man land on the moon. Same shit. Yeah Neil Armstrong. He got done for drugging. Yeah he was under performance enhancing when he was on the astronaut. But then when they went to pick the winner after him they went they had to go like 20 people back because everyone was was doping to find someone who wasn't doping. We're talking about Neil Armstrong here man. The man on the moon. I thought you were talking about Neil Armstrong. Yeah Neil Armstrong. I thought you were talking about Lance Armstrong. No no no Neil Armstrong was under heavy sedatives. Some to do with the name Armstrong because they're obsessed with being fucking strong and shit. So they have to take sedatives. It's like a huge ego thing. So they just fucking they just want to. Are you are you here man? Are you bomb break? And also it's next segment. Am I right man? Yeah. Which has been renamed. Michael. Do you want to read this name? Yeah. Is the name of this segment and this is a segment where we answer all of your questions. So if you want to answer your question just comment on our fully actual YouTube channel and if it gets the most likes or just one of the highest likes questions then we answer it. So once you've commented your question have a scroll through and have a read and see which other questions you'd like us to. Involve engage with the community. Give them a like and just see just see what happens and if we don't answer your question just keep asking them just good comments and we just like to know what you guys want to know. Do you know what I mean? It's like we're all getting to know each other. We read all the comments anyway so yeah. Are we explaining shit still? Yeah. Okay. So I think last week we didn't because we ran out of time or something. Science got too much. We got a lot of fan interaction to get through. I'm excited. I feel alive. I feel baked as shit. I feel so alive right now. Oh you've got different. You're like a sheep. He looks like a cute little sheep. Oh my god. Look at that. Oh be careful. He's sheepy. Oh very good. We have a sheep here. I fucking love sheep. Thank you dude. Thank you for doing that. What do you think I did? I mean I did it all for you. You're my sheepy. Everything I do is for you. Hey little barn. I want to put you in the barn. I've loved you since high school. All right. Brown. Here we go. Brown down. Good to have a sheep in the room. I almost liked comment when to run. Run Ferdinand. Ferdinands. That's for me. All right. Matt Brown in season two there was a period where people sent you fucked up videos. What was the worst that you saw? He was traumatized. But I think we can talk about it. We can't actually talk about it. So Ryan if you want to. It's illegal. Yeah we literally can't. Just think about the worst thing you could do. Yeah to a kid. To a child. And that's probably what it is. Oh man. And it was so bad. No one ever do that. No one ever. So that's just you know we that's fucked. But and yeah the gore. I don't know. You told me. Yeah there was everything. There was some. Matt just told me he felt really sick. Yeah. I am definitely now desensitized a lot more than the normal person. Yeah. What else have you got? Some real gruesome shit. Yeah we got some like like some cartel like gang murders. And people cutting their dicks off and shit. Yeah one guy went to Casey. I couldn't watch that though. That was hard to watch. I've seen some of that shit. Yeah like I've seen some dude cut his dick in half. Like down the middle. And then somehow he can jerk off and he blows through the base of his dick. Stop stop. Anyway like I've yeah. Sounds like fucking. Yeah like kids crawling in power lines in like third world countries like real fucked up shit. Dude that is raw. And yeah it brought me down a bit. Brought me down. I mean now that's like that's in my head. Yeah it was. So why don't we make it why don't we make it guys. I knew you won. Send Matt Brown. No no don't send me anything. No no no no no no. Send Matt Brown. Fuck both of you. We revamp it we revamp it with something. Something lovely. What? Dicks? Last time you said something I got over a hundred dicks. How about something lovely. What's something you would like? What's something you would like? Breasts. Yeah. You'd like some breasts. Send Matt Brown breasts. If you're a guy with tits. If you're a guy especially send your breasts. All right so you know and if we get some good guy breasts we'll put them on the fans we'll save them and we'll pull on my own fans. Cleavage like do you want them to push it push them together and shit. I don't want to move on. Matt Brown. But yeah it was a tough tough time. At Matt Brown one one one one. Oh yeah and should I change that. Yes. Why is it one why is it four. Because there's a billion Matt Browns out there. Yeah I had to work it out. So should I say I need to. Oh me and Marty can sort it out. Yeah yeah we'll fucking change it to fucking Matt Brown or something come. It's Matt Brown. Like all the others. Yeah some fucking guys are brown. Yeah we were talking on Discord last night. How like no one calls Matt Matt. It's it's all either Matt Brown or Brown. Oh I can actually you know in high school it was all brownie. Right but when I got to Brisbane I remember with my friend Jess who I started living and she started going Matt Brown Matt Brown and people just ran with it. All right the person in second place was Stephen Hunt. He had a question for the podcast. Will Queston and choir be making an appearance at Marty's wedding. Will Matt Brown bring Requifton. Look it all depends on their standing. You know it's I don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position and I certainly don't want anyone to have halved here. I don't want to see anyone halving in front of me. During your first day it's like choir's just got Matt. Yeah and like I'm bounding backwards trying to get away and they're chasing me. Quite a violent interaction so look we'll try. We'll definitely try our very best all right. Yeah we'll see. It could take a while to organise that. Next question is from Tyler. Tataya. Yeah Tataya. Tataya. Tataya. Tataya. Tataya. Tataya. Emphasis. He's got two questions and I thought they're both equally good. He did give me the option to choose but I'm going to use both. Very kind of him. First question. Which body part do you wish you could detach and why? Probably the balls. They get in the way. Well they just smell. You fucking knock them against something you touch and it hurts fucking terribly. So annoying like they should be in you so you don't have to worry about them getting ripped off and punched and shit like that. It's such a source of weakness. Do yours go in a bit sometimes when you have sex? I knew it's cold. Yes they do suck. They suck up occasionally. The skin tightens. Pushing the sperm out. Just hugs the balls against your hips. And his second question was would you rather fight a zombie invasion or an alien invasion? Zombie. Rather fight. Yeah like zombie dude. Which aliens you'd lose straight away. Aliens we'd lose for sure. But zombies would be fine. I reckon Bozzie would be a good way. Bozzie would be a good zombie killer. No way. Look at him. Yeah he wouldn't. He'd be so shit. He'd be hiding behind me. In your lap between the legs. Yeah I feel like we've trained for zombies. Like I'd know exactly what to do. I've watched heaps of films. Yeah. Next question is from Emmanuel. What does 4060 mean till I die? 4060 is one of the greatest suburbs in Brisbane. And that is where our eulia is from. And that is the postcode for that suburb. And Julian states that he will always be 4060 until his death. Until his death and then the 4060 will leave his body like a soul leaving an angel. Dude that was very good. You can see it. You can see the nubs coming out when he dies. I've seen it come. So I want to add their fucking city postcode 4000. Next question is from Patrick. He'd buy a car and just float it straight out of him. It's beautiful. The postcode numbers come out of you. It's fucking beautiful man. Oh yeah. It's beautiful. One of the most magnificent things I've ever seen. It's from Cannon Hill. It only happens if you are really passionate about your postcode. Where you're from come. It's part of your soul come. Ain't no stuff on it come. People fully like that. Patrick is us. Have you guys ever considered making an entire film like a feature film? Yeah. He said if you haven't thought about doing that I'm deciding here and now you need to get it done. I wonder if with all of the videos we filmed if somehow you could edit it into a storyline and into a movie so we wouldn't have to film anything else. That's what Jackass is. It's just scenes. Yeah but now of course we want to do a movie. Of course we want to do a movie and one day we probably will. What sort of movie would we do? I don't know but I think you guys would be really good at cameo appearances in films like a Jay and Silent Bob style characters like comedic relief. Yeah as long as we didn't have to do too much. Our acting is shit but if we only are acting as ourselves that's easy so we can do that so we would have to act as ourselves in whatever we do. Maybe like a new fantastic beast. Yeah that could be something great. You could be in there. It would be like the monsters. Like a Disney movie or something. Pocahontas. Pocahontas. You could be Pocahontas and I could be the ship where all the people land on. You could carry me. 110% man. Anyway next question. All right next question is from Matt Dog 99. How do I become a guest on the show? Suck me off. What? Next question. Next question is from Mr. Sam Davenport. What are your Twitter handles? It's just at Marty and Michael. At Marty and Michael on Twitter. Yeah baby. How many followers we got now? In fact let's tweet something right now. Let's tweet something right now on the old Twitter sphere. What should we tweet today? Come on. Give us a word each boys. Matt what's your word? Hey. Hey. Oxygen. Hey Oxygen. Hey Oxygen. Get fucked. Get fucked mate. Should I get fucked? That's viral. That's viral. How many followers we got? There you go. That's probably gone for 250 nearly now. Fuck yeah. 250 or 250,000. 250 man. We haven't promoted it anyway. It's like Ward Eves man. The next question is from Nicky. She says Matthew Gregory Brown you are sick. He's feeling good. How did she know that? How did she know I'm sick? She's a future teller. Maybe she's been in my house. She's a future teller. Maybe she was at my house. Future teller. It is you. She's a future teller. Future teller. She demands to know what our favorite candy is. Oh Kit Kat. I fucking cannot go past a beautiful lucky Kit Kat. I want one so bad. I'm going to have a bad meal tonight. Fuck it. Kinder chocolate is like get fucked. You love Kinder. So good. Kit Kat chunkies. When you eat them, do you eat them normally or do you eat the chocolate? You just eat them normally because the part of it is you've got to have all the ingredients together. The wafer by itself is special. You just buy wafers then and buy a block of chocolate. Buy a block of chocolate and then you have to fucking nibble. I'm on mighty side man. You're fucking free. Kit Kat wafers are good. What about boost bars? Do you bite around the edges? No, same thing. Boost bars are just mass bars on crack. No, the boost bar, the inside of it, that chocolate stuff that lines the inside, that is the stuff that goes on Tim Tams. Mate, we don't all have time to chew around the edges. Sometimes you've got to get it down. I've got to get it down man. We can't all be sitting around and going, I've got work to do and all. Do you know what I mean? Marty's got a family. I've got another job. Can't be fucking. What are you doing? Can't be fucking. You're just chewing around the edges. Fucking wasting your fucking time Nooblin can't do for skateboard. Next question is from swamp box 69. Oh, that guy. Would you guys consider doing some merch with some of Marty's quotes? I would dead set by a shirt that said, great to see. Great to see. Oh yeah, we'd be more be. It'd be great on a shirt. We're thinking fully actual. Yeah, like 100%. There will be podcast merch eventually. All right. You have my word. And when we were planning on extending our team a little bit, like maybe hiring some more, some help at the end of this year. So we will have more time to do some other shit because, boy, are we swamped at the moment, aren't we? Yeah. Our cups are full. Yeah. We can't take on any more projects. Otherwise, the quality of everything that we do will suffer severely and our mental health will also suffer. And we will spiral into a deep dark depression or possibly kill ourselves. But yeah, we will start merch. Yeah. Yeah, we'll definitely get on that. Next question is from James Kirk Patrick. Question for Michael. Holy shit. You ready, man? Did you feel weird after you put the golly bottle all over you? This is for context on one of our recent website videos. You called you laugh, you lose. Michael gets the golly bottle and pulls it all over himself to make myself and Julian laugh. It's on the website. Just go and sign up for the free trial. You can watch it. All right. It's fucking insane. We've been getting some really good feedback for Michael. Yeah. I would say I blocked it out and I knew that there was a greater good to be had. Did you swallow it? No. I might have. I don't. Yeah. In the eyes? It was like, yeah. Because you know, she could enter your eyes. Oh, shit. Yeah. I kept my eyes closed. The smell. Doesn't matter, mate. I breathed in there. I breathed out for a long time after the bottle had finished. There's no way you can not smell that. I was smelling you from 10 meters away outside. It was on me. But I'd gotten used to the smell. It was just hard to breathe because all the liquid was going over my nose and mouth. And what was the texture, do you think? Just clumpy, like what? Like long syrup? Is it thick? Would it? Or is it like? Is it closer to water or closer to honey? In between. Yeah. And honey's too thick. It's never going to be that. It would be. I wish it got to that. Oh, that would be. That would be so cool to see it come out. If we cooked it down. No, that's all you're like. That's me in that bottle. That's like my kid. That's your chest children. Like a fetus or some shit. It's your chest babies. If we cook that down, we could a hundred percent do that, man. It's like, I reckon it's the sort of like milk from breasts. A hundred percent. Women lactate. Michael lactates from his throat lung. Yeah, I can see that. Because your tits are there. Lungs are there. Same thing. This is behind it. You got to get it up a different way. He would. I agree. He could feed birds with the gollies. But that, because it probably only had about this much of sediments. The real proper hard sediment. And then the rest became slime. Mixed with, because it was probably about a quarter of water. I'm reaching my limit. I'm reaching my limit. I cannot no longer talk about it. Oh, yeah. It's, I don't know what was the question. Next question is from Jamie Gonzalez. Did Marty, oh hang on. Did Marty get to catch a pink eye after all of that? Marty, have you ever caught pink eye after all the fighting on the mick? No, luckily. I think it's because my mouth is close to the mick. If I were to rub my eye on the mick. Pink eye is a myth. Like this. Pink eye is a myth. Then I might be in trouble, but it's just because I press my lips against it. So it's just kissing shit. It's not putting shit in my eye. And yeah, we've done extensive experiments. Pink eye is quite hard to catch. So we're on a tennis camp, right? And you're standing in these separate cabins and one of our mates was staying in another cabin and he was out at dinner. Michael, Michael and I are walking to their cabin. We're talking to some of our mates. Michael grabs one of their pillows of the guy who's not in the cabin and like pretty much puts a fucking skin mark in the middle of it and just fucking puts it back down. And we leave. And then yeah, like we never heard anything else from that. Yeah. If pink eye was real, we would have found out. And all the gas you have blown into my face every fucking time with squirties. Sometimes Michael will be Michael will be fucking hung over on a couch and I'll sneak up behind him and get like my ass cheeks so close to his head and just unleash the sickest squatting. You'll just shoot up, shoot up so quickly because it's such a little sound. Yeah, I've never had it. So. Yeah, but your immune system is something else. Yeah, science. Next question is from Noa Yasik. Yasik? Oh, he told us that. Yasik, Yasik, Yasik. Come on, man. Noa Yasik. Question for all of you. If you could change your name to a female name, what would it be? Glorian. Glorian. Glorian Dolora. My full name would be Glorian Dolora Artifacts. Yes. That's fucking good, Mark. I am Glorian Dolora. Glorian Dolora. Artifacts, you can't for that shit, dude. It's amazing. Did you hear Artifacts? All right, I'd probably go with Hail. But it'd be spelled H-A-I-L. C. The C is silent. Glorian has spoken. Glorian. And what would you be, Matthew? What does Matt look like? I feel like that might be like a Lisa. No, isn't it your favorite name for a chick? That's what, no. You could change your name, too. Fuck, I'm Plyzekite. If you could change your name to a female name. Me? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe like... Wow. Wow. Because that's all chicks do, you can't. Fucking bitch! Sorry. Next question is from James Captain Kirk. Patrick. Oh man. Can you guys explain what Bogan and U-Dog means? Bogan is like an Aussie redneck. And what was the other one? U-Dog. U-Dog is just something you say when someone has wronged you. Oh, that guy had sex with my auntie. U-Dog. That person scuffed up my lawn and he's wearing my good shoes. U-Dog. There's some cream spilt on the kitchen bench and no one has moped it up. U-Dog. So on and so forth. Girlfriend U-Dog. You've been wronged. You use the terminology. So in court of law the judge would say you're guilty U-Dog. And often say that. Sorry, Coleman. Next question is from Mitchell Lindors. Lindors? Lindors. Indors. Lindors. No, the L is nothing to do with it. Indors. Mitchell is indoors. Mitchell indoors. At all times. Michael. Yeah. When are you going to slam the hot chicken with the horse? If maybe if the hot chick with the horse is listening to this, maybe she could come over and have sex with you if you would like. No, we just watch a film, man. Feed the horse together. Yeah, feed the horse. Give it a carrot. We'd go catch a film. And what else are you doing, Dave? Sea biscuit. We'd go to High Fly. Oh, yeah. We'd go skydiving, but not really. With the horse? Imagine taking a horse to High Fly. It's going up in the air. It's spinning around really fast. It's going 360. Because it's a fucking barrel-shaped cunt. If it didn't get hurt, I would fucking make it happen. As long as it was fine, I would pay money to see that chick. Or just do it with a dead one. Like a horse that's died. I've had a very lovely long life and it's died a very peaceful death. And the High Fly or the High Fly thing, guys, is like a... Just before rigor mortis sets in and it stiffens, just place it in an eye fly and turn the machine up full ball. Yeah, it's like what an artificial skydiving thing. 110% based tube. Yeah, you go into a tube and they shoot air up. And so it's like you're flying. Have you done it? No, not yet. We're going to that. It's terrifying. I hated it. It's scary. It just feels... You feel out of place there because you're floating and he's holding you and he doesn't let you do your thing. And then you feel like you could launch up and something could go wrong. Yeah, if you launched up and then turned into a pencil dive position... You could hurt yourself. Seriously, you can fuck yourself up if you don't have a guide. Oh, fuck. That's terrifying now. Yeah. I might go home. Yeah, well, just don't go to Eye Fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so true. I was going to stop in there on the way home. But I won't do that now. That's a good sponsorship. We should invoice them. Yeah, done. Eye Fly expect an invoice. It's not that good, guys. Like, go skydiving. It's a real thing. I'm still invoicing them. If you're going to do something like that. About a percent still invoicing them. Next question is from Just Jin. Have you guys ever ruined a wedding? I didn't ruin it. I would help those once... Micah wasn't here for this one, but... Like, I used to be quite close with my roommates, where we all lived. And one of them was getting married. And I said, just like... Just during the wedding in the itinerary, just give me a 15-minute slot towards the end of the night. Just... I'm not going to tell you what I'm doing. Just do it. And I want a stage to perform on. And then they did that. And then the whole wedding party gathered. And then I did like this interpretive dance to the Titanic theme song. Dude, I've seen photos of it. And it was honestly beautiful. Have you still got a video of that? Yeah, I do. She sent it to me. Let's put that on the only fans or... It's quite dark and shit, but yeah. Yeah, we should do that. Do you know some random facts? Who put it in that group? That girl was actually one of my first roommates when I came to Brisbane. Oh, wow, no. That's right. I think we found out. And we didn't figure it out until she came over to your house when I sat down. And she's like, what's her name again? Megan. Megan, that's right. And she's like, oh, hey, I'm Megan. I'm like, we fucking lived together at one point in a sharehouse. Yeah, crazy. The most embarrassing part about that story is I, right before I was off in the bushes practicing, like just fucking on my own. Like just because I just wanted one quick run through so I could like time all the jumps and shit. And then I fucking turn around and Megan's dad was taking a piss just looking at me. Like, and no one knows what I'm doing at this stage. Dude. And I was like, oh, no, I'm just practicing. Dude, that is a moment in life where you just go, what the fuck? Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing. But then he redeemed myself once he saw the art that I made. It's fine. But for that, like 10 minutes, he would think, you're fucked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And my, yeah, I didn't really explain it either. I was, oh, I'm just practicing. Well, you demand that at my wedding, like a 15 minute bit. So you can do something. I don't know yet. I don't know yet. Possibly, very possibly. We do have potential to ruin a wedding with, we're going to be emcees of a wedding. Yeah. Yeah. The guys whose bucks we went to last weekend, we're going to be emceeing his wedding together. And we've never ruined a wedding, like, but we have had a lot of fun at weddings. Weddings are so fun. I fucking love weddings. Emceeing is going to be fun. Yeah. And dangerous. Yeah, dude. If we have a bit too many beverages. No, we'll be good. I promise, Michael. Yeah. Don't worry. We won't do anything crazy. Maybe you laugh. You lose. Yeah, dude. Off of the wedding. Next question is from XR double G. I.N. When are you two going to strap Matt Brown to a chair and force him to sit through a whole prank call? Yeah, even we've already done the prank call. Matt had to get up and leave. He walks to the other end of the lounge room and plugs his stuff, his fingers and his ears. He just can't do it. This prank call coming is one of those ones that you cringe hard at, though. Yeah, it's the Dakota character. I love cringe, though. Yeah, it is hot. I love it. Fuck, it's like a drag. What was the question? Make him what? Yeah, would you ever strap into a chair? Well, maybe next season. Yeah, next season, if I'm stuck, we'll get Matt on camera. So it's like, then we can, you guys can see his reactions to them. Yeah, that's great. Yep. That's what we're going to do for season four. I'm going to get a big pair of earmuffs out. You're not allowed. No, I'll cut hole in earmuffs, baby. You're not allowed. Yeah, he will. The sheep will cut hole in earmuffs. The sheep come flying in with scissors, baby boy. All right, next question is from Matt. Do you boys ever worry that quesad and choir are just personalities inside Matthew? That maybe all these diary entries are really just stuff he's doing to himself. It could be some sort of split personality thing based on some childhood trauma that Matthew Brown had yet. Of course I've thought of that. I am, in fact, one of the smartest people alive. Usually those people can't remember that they're another personality. Exactly. Exactly. I wouldn't know. And look, I haven't seen Matt in question in the same room together, so... Yeah, wow. They sort of look alike. It could be one of those cases, but... When this, they've got, he's got a long hair. And now he doesn't have that issue anymore because they fused together. The personalities fused together. It happens. Read a book. Read a book. Next question is from Rob. I guess you could sodomize someone. Sodomize. It's like such a good workbook. Consensually. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I always thought it was... Yeah, you've sodomized heaps of things. Sodomize. It's a strange word. You're a head sodomizer in this whole household. What was the fucking... Matt's head went up a fucking... A bull. A bull. You sodomized it with your head. I didn't fuck it. My head just went up there and I sucked its organs out. That is so different. Is sodomized enough? Don't put me in the category with... Is sodomized sex or can it be anything? No, I don't... I'm not in your category. No way. I am just... You did cross my mind. I'm fucking sodomized shit. Rob has asked a question. Boys, have you ever thought about doing a video where Marty's laughing obnoxiously in awkward places to watch Michael cringe? Yeah, well, yeah, that's... That video would be okay, but I do that all the time anyway. And it's just like, yeah, Michael just walks off. So it would be an okay video. Dude, I've got a story for today. What he did today. Yeah, from Marty from this shit. We were buying Julian's birthday present in the jeweler. And he's like, I've got a fart. And he's like... And the lady's literally like fucking three meters away. And he rips one. And it's the most sour smell. Like it's like fucking hot milk. So loud. Like off milk. So abrupt. And then I was so embarrassed, just walked away for a bit. Pretend I was looking at other watches and shit. And then... They're always following? Yeah, always fucking bail. And he's piecing himself behind his mask. And like, so it's hard to tell who it was out of me and him. And then like, she's still doing up the watch. And when she like two minutes later, he's like, I've got another one. And then I'm just running away from him around the jeweler. And he's just chasing after. As soon as he gets to me, he lets it rip. And it was so obvious she could tell. It was the most embarrassing fucking time. We were the only two people in this tiny little jewelry store. Oh dude. It was... Look, it was a great laugh. And she was cute. Like, you fucking dickhead. So uncomfortable all the time. Yeah, I embarrassed us. And if this was my voice, no one would hang out with me. Next question is from Sean Abel. Fucking new version of the Eeyore. Fucking Winnie the Pooh attack. Sean has asked, have you guys ever come close to throwing in the towel and giving up on social media altogether? No, once we started, we pretty much just knew that we'd just power throw until we got there. And now that we're there, it's hard. But it's definitely, definitely... It's rewarding. Yeah, it's good, especially when people say how much they love the fucking vids and shit. Yeah, it's nice to know you're putting a smile on someone's face. And I love watching people, reading the comments and shit. And watching people watch the videos if they laugh. It's great. This makes us feel very loved, very lovely to be able to do that. So yeah, no, we haven't thought about throwing in the towel. It's definitely, definitely a very relentless life as well. And then the desire for content, especially because people pay for our content. So we can't just be like, oh, that video didn't work. Oh, well, let's have a week off. We have to get videos out all the time, every single week. Every week, okay? Every fucking week. So now we're trying to back videos up so that we can have a small break at the end of the year. Yeah, just a few weeks off would be so hard. Recharge the batteries, bro. Am I right, bro? Yes. Recharge. All right. There's a fair few other questions, but we've got a lot of farts to get through. Yes, we do. Oh, the next segment, next segment is... Now we said if you want your name to be like mentioned after your fart, because it's too hard to... Because some people don't want their names mentioned, some people do. So if you want your submission to be played and you want your name said, after you finish filming your fart, yell your name or just say your name. Okay, say your name. If you want your name included, say it after the fart. Screaming. Okay? Otherwise, we're not going to... It's too hard to find out because we're going to go through screenshots, then back to the videos, blah, blah, blah. It's going to take too long. We have 40 farts here that have been sent in. Thank you to everyone sending in the farts. Keep the farts coming. Make sure it's a video. Either you're doing something funny with a fart or a fucking... You can face the wall with your farts. So it's not your identity. You can be filming the ground, you know, whatever. There was some cool ones, some dude farted in his mate's face on here. Yeah, like there are some very funny farts, okay? But yeah, so anyway, there's a lot to get through, so we'll play them. We'll probably cut some of the shit ones, all right, but we'll just play them and then we'll rate them out of 10 on the farts. And maybe even say a word why, like a descriptive word of why you... Like, so say if it's really good, you say nine, damp. Yeah, and maybe like if we... Damp is just the word of that fart. And maybe if it's shit and it needs a bit of work, we can give them some constructive criticism. Like, needs more attention, needs more... We can critique them. Exactly right. Anyway, without further ado, keep sending those fucking farts in. Thank you. I love this segment already. Here we go. Far hard. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, it's got like... It got interesting towards the end, do you know what I mean? Like, I want to come back for seconds. Yeah, I definitely see that again. Wow, very, very good. That's a solid eight out of 10. Yeah, fuck. That levels, you know, it started out and then it jumped up and down levels. Usually it's hard to go up and down that fast. If you see something in the video, make sure we explain it for the people. This is just a dark room. I think there is something. Yeah, very good. Very good. No. I don't know. That sounds like they've got fucking colon cancer. Last week, by the way, we got to mention this. Last week, we said that some of the farts were fake. Yeah, we called out Bodie and Bodie was very upset. Turns out they are fucking real. And is some of his in here? There's one in there. I assure you, we'll hear him say, you thought it was fake. Okay, perfect. All right, anyway, let's keep going. Hopefully it's safe. Oh, very good save. He's holding it, come over. Yeah, very good save. The only suggestion I would have was maybe push as hard as you can at the very end. To make so you can create the best parts at the end. It's the it's the it's the misdirection comedy. So if you hear a fart tapering off and then at the very end a little spike, that really gets the laughs. So good. I give that a 6.5. Yeah, I'd probably go a 7. All right, here we go. I created it. Tyler next to his girlfriend. So he gets extra points for that. Okay, that's that's a 6. Yep, it was very short. So then he fucking drooled after. Watch this. That's what you fucking do. There you go. A bit of spit come hanging out of his fucking mouth after. Some dude just sent me him diarrhea shitting. I just was not. Dude, that is a great idea. Nah, I'm not. Fuck. And Brown has to go through all these. Anyway, next fart. Yeah, see, see, he's allowed over. That's good. That's a good one. There you go. And the boys appreciate it. Yeah, it sounds like they're chilling out and he just went for it. Very good. He could have dragged that out. Honestly, mate, you could drag that out. You can make that twice double that time. Yeah, double the time. Double the laughs. Let me tell you that. This is the guy's got a bike pump up his ass. I want to see this shit. Just do it. I think we got to try that. That's a good idea. We need to do that, I think. Fuck, shit. That means I am going to have to do that. I'll try it, too. I wish I could fight as long as you. It would be nice. Get him out. It's on my regimen. Yeah, it's very rare, though. All right, here we go. Let's keep going through these. Oh, very good. That was very good. Like, I lost me a bit at the start, but recovered very well. Great length, great consistency, and just great sound the whole way through. I don't know if you can hear, guys. It's piercing rain now. Yeah, it's piercing down rain. I like it. Oh, it's beautiful. But it should come over on the podcast. All right, let's keep going through these. Got a giggle from the boys. Yep, not too bad. Here we go. This guy's on the toilet. Man, that's not bad. That's good, man. That's like a trumpet. And he's filming his face the entire time. Very good. Very good. I like that. I'm getting that. Seven. That's a seven out of ten. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Holy shit. That's an eight. Shit. That's a seven and a half. Dude, that's like a, yeah, that is like, it just needs a little bit of variety. But fuck, very solid fart there. Yeah. Wow. It's hot. He would have been straining so much to keep that pitch. Yeah, well, that's it. That's why you got to pace yourself. You can't push yourself too early. Otherwise, your fucking lung capacity gives out. See, the variety at the end is what makes it funny. I like the gaps. Yeah. You made, you did well with the gaps because even with the crackle part, there was gaps in between each crackle. And that's hard to do. Trust me. That is a very difficult skill to learn. Matt Brown? That's a six. Matt Brown? Fucks all these black shit on my nose. Next. No farts. Dude, that sounded like one of mine. Similar, similar pitch. Very random. Is that Bodie? I don't know. What do you say at the end there? I don't know. What did you say? God, it's funny. You thought it was fake, you fucking cunts. Yeah, it was that Bodie. Yeah. Yeah. So not fake and very impressive. All right. So if your fart doesn't score over a five out of 10, it's cut. So if you've sent your fart in and Matt said, oh, yeah, awesome. Thanks. And it doesn't play on the podcast. It's because we've cut it. We're the fucking fart gods. I fucking I'd tell you I can't. We fucking judge your farts. And if they're not up to scratch, we discard them onto the pile. Here we go. Great. That's a little pop at the end. That's a nine and a five. That is a very good fart. That's the very, the only thing I would recommend is stand up. Pull your fucking pants down and let that sound be crisp. Let it be clear. Let it ring from the shadows. Is he sitting down? Yeah. He was on his bed by the looks of it. I think a lot of times people would use like an item to get his pants on. Like at least take the pants off to let the sound be crisp, man. Give it a chance, man. Very good. That sounded like another language. Yeah, I like it. That sounded like an alien language. Yeah, that is, that's communication. Squiggly. Squiggly a bit. Frost. Had a frost on the edges. Yeah. Cold poo. Yeah. Okay. I'll give that a six. I'd go four. Oh, really? Not a fan. I like the edge time was very abrupt. Can't take it serious looking at you, dude. We're having to cut some, there's some hilarious screaming and shit going on, but the farts are shit. So keep doing that. The perfect thing to send in. Scream farts, say a name. That would be perfect. Here we go. Oh my god, dude. That, he is the fucking winner so far. Yeah, that was gold. Man, that was very good. Great length. You could hear him controlling his laughter. You know how that happens? You always start pissing yourself when they're really long. Oh man. Very good. That's a solid nine out of 10. Very good. Fucking hell. Great fart. Yeah, I like it. I like the moments of pain. Very good, very good. Seven out of 10. All right. That's the fucking last one. Fucking cat on the back round of a fucking five. Very good. Keep that shit coming in. That's great. We love that. What a great segment that is. Fart is fart. It's far and beyond. So fucking keep them coming. Send them into the fully actual Instagram. And yeah, remember videos, some screams, and say a name if you want us to play it after. Next segment, we have the PO unboxing. Will we open the shit that you sent us live on the fuck past? I lost it. What? Did you have a fart? Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. I think we've had about an hour and 40 minutes, but remember there's a lot of cut from farts and there's a lot of cut. This could be our longest podcast. Yeah. There's a lot of cut between prank horn and all that sort of shit. Yeah. All right, Michael, if you'd like to open that one, and I think here we have another fucking code. We've got donut pills? No, for sure. Oh, wait. No, he's the code. Yeah. Another code guy. Oh, I ruined my dick. Dick cheese nut sack. Ah, so also my pubes hair are in the letter. Oh, it's these fucking pubes everywhere. It can't. Oh, he's pubes. Oh, he's got fucking. Why are they so long? Well, I get a vacuum. Oh, yeah. And I'm pretty sure I got his pubes all over my leg. Thank you very much. Did you see any, like, skin and shit he said? No, I didn't see any skin. Was there a name? No, don't open it, man. They'll all fall out. We have a letter full of pubic hair. Look how long that is. Oh. Imagine being a girl and having to suck on that. Those long. I think about that. He needs a manscape ball, right? A manscape. Yeah, you need a fucking manscape, brother. Michael's trying. Michael? Michael's trying at something. Michael needs scissors. Look, his strength is failing. He's using scissors now. Not fast enough. Be careful. Cranky. Cranky boy pulling at the sides, trying to open the box. He's tired. It's hard. He wants to lie down and have ice cream. He's pulling a letter. He's pulling a letter. Letter says, hello, boys. Greetings from Sweden. I wanted to send you something to show my appreciation and say, thanks for entertaining me. It's a cool stone or wall decoration. I bought but never used. Maybe it could be good in Michael's house. Have a good one. Jonas from Sweden. Jonas. Jonas. You fucking legend. That is a good gift. You're a rad dude. Yeah. Thank you, dude. Yeah, Nelson. Cheer up. Do you need drugs? No? Okay. Oh, this is right down Michael's alley. Yeah, Michael will love this. He's going to fucking wear that as a cloak. Oh, there's like a little hovering man. This is my new bedroom. Wear it as a cloak. Wear it as a cloak. Fucking cloak, man. One more, eh? We'll go fucking one more, come on. Oh, this one's quite heavy. All right. Last PO1 boxing. We have this huge parcel. Surely no one can beat that. Fasten me the scissors. Oh, I don't like the way that exploded. That is anthrax. Do you reckon? You all right? It's a vacuum cleaner thing. Oh, it's not concrete, is it? I think it's a vacuum cleaner thing and I'm not willing to dig into it to find out what's in there. All right. We got sent a vacuum bag full of shit. We're going to have to open this outside next week and we'll film it and post it to the Instagram page. Okay. But we're not opening this in here because Michael has asthma and I don't want him getting sick. Thank you, Marty. All right. All right. One more letter, eh? We love our fan letters. Tell us how much you like us, please. Tell us how much you love us, please. We need it. All right. Here we have Jackson, Gately and Andrew Babbage have photoshopped Donald Trump's and Hillary Clinton's heads on some bikini bodies. That's creative. That's cool. It looks real pretty genuine, too. I actually thought it was Trump for a bit. They look hot. So thank you for that. Great work. And the rest will be for next week. Let's get that box open. All right. One more just because, you know, my addicts. Dude. Yes. Yeah, yeah, dude. I remember we got a DM from the sugar shop. They said that they've sent us some shit. Look how excited Michael is right now. Dude, I think there's going to be some good shit in here. It looks like a really, like, yummy boutique lolly stores. Oh, man. Everyone go and check out the sugar shop on Instagram. I don't know what their handle is. Hopefully they'll have it in there. Just be careful. Just be careful. Okay. And so you get the, you get the blade of it. Okay. Yeah. And then you cut it along there. Can I make a suggestion? Who? I'm so hungry. I would wash your hands before eating any of that. Why? I fucked that. Because you've had dust and you've had pubes. Oh, look at this, Matt. You're going to be fucking here we go. You can't. All right. Here's a care package in there. What is it? In bubble wrap. Oh, yeah. In bubble wrap. Oh, look at this. Thanks for the laughs. Love the sugar shop. www.thesugarshop.com.au. You want some fucking sugar delivered to your front doorstep? Show us the package. Oh, look at this. Look at this package. So pretty and beautiful. We got huge chubble warheads. We got liquor stick candies. Whatever that is, we got fucking... I'm eating now. Oh, man, brain liquor. I'm taking some of these for Esther as well. Watch out for your puke. Extreme stuff. Look at this massive gobstopper. Whoa! A gobstopper the size of a fucking cricket ball can't. That's what they've got. You could use that for a video. Do you remember these fucking tattoo gum? I used to collect them. Yes. All right, we will divide this evenly when this podcast is over, my friend. Thank you so much, The Sugar Shop. Everyone, if you want fucking some sweets and shit to live it in a beautiful little box and great variety, thesugarshop.com.au. Fuck check them out. Thank you so much. Count on the back. Everyone give yourselves a count on the back and round of a fucking pause. Fuck, that's good. Needed that. All right. Since we've been going for like two hours, we will resume the explaining segment next week. And other than that, that's it. It's time for the prank call. It's time for... It's time for... It's look. Adventure time. And prank call time. And this week, I'm going to call the Brisbane City Council because we got this thing called curbside collection. And it's dangerous, man. People could... It's trip hazard. It's going to genuinely... It's got fires in it. Genuinely complain because I don't want to see people hurt themselves. And it's just... It's rubbish on the street that shouldn't be on the street. That's the great. And I'm going to be doing it as Dakota, our beloved vegan... Nothing wrong with vegans. What would you call people? I know. SJW, social justice. Yeah, exactly. That's what I am. I should probably put my phone on private, just in case the Brisbane City Council... Let's get down. Hates me. Imagine if like somehow they fucking like fan out who I was and like cut off my fucking power and that. Hey, seriously? They didn't cut the grass at your local park. That could happen, come on. They'd get out of control. All right, here we go, here we go. It's Dakota. Thank you for calling the Brisbane City Council. Calls may be recorded for quality purposes and we may need to collect your personal information. No, you won't be doing that. Thank you. Or to help us improve our service delivery to you. To learn about our privacy policy, visit... I already know your privacy policy off my heart. qld.gov.au Good afternoon, Brisbane City Council. This is Sharon. Hello, Sharon. My name's Dakota. And before we start, can I just like make sure that nothing gets recorded or whatever that thing said at the start of the call? Just said to mention like, if I don't want to record it in that, because it's quite a private issue. Okay, I've stopped the recording. That's all good. Thank you so much, Sharon. Look, I'm just calling in regards to, you know, like curbside collection and that. Yeah, well, just around my neighborhood a few weeks ago, some of the curbside stuff out on the streets was sort of creeping out onto the footpath. And it was actually becoming quite dangerous. And I saw at least three or four people trying to walk along the footpath. And like, they had to like go around it. Do you know what I mean? Like they had to actually stop and look up and then like veer to the left and make like a semicircle around the objects. And like, I didn't see anyone trip, but I just thought like, you know, that's actually pretty dangerous. Do you know what I mean? Like, and I'm just trying to like think of others, because, you know, that's just how I am. But also, like I realized that like, some of the paint on some of the furniture and stuff is like coming off onto the grass. And that's actually, I don't know if you know much about, like chemicals and stuff, but yeah, that can actually kill the grass. So like, yeah. Okay, so this is occurred in the past, does it? What was that? Sorry? This was in the past. It's not happening right now. Look, it happened a few weeks ago, but I just was driving to work today and I noticed some curbside collection, driving to work. And it was the same issue, like driving through a completely different suburb. And there was like tables and stuff. Like I think I saw like a table partially on the footpath. Do you know what I mean? Like so, like, I don't know what to, like I'm panicking nearly, just thinking, imagine if a blind person or something like that or a deaf person or something, or someone disabled or something like that. Was walking along and like fell over or something. Do you know what I mean? Like that's crazy, especially with magpie season. So are you wanting me to put through an obstruction on the footpath? I think what I'm trying to do is just sort of make you guys aware that maybe curbside isn't the right way to maybe go about things and like maybe think about the environment and that because like maybe for you guys and your generation, it's okay. But for my generation coming through in about 20, 30 years, trust me, we're going to be feeling these environmental damages. And yeah, it just seems like people that are older don't really get that. And like it's really starting to stress me out a little bit. Do you sort of know where I'm coming from there or? So do you want me to put in a report, an issue or a complaint about curbside collection? Actually, that would be great if you could do that. And if you can maybe send that to like the head person, like because if you send that to someone under the head person, like it'll probably just get thrown in the bin or something because I've had to do these reports before. Like I had the same complaint last year for curbside and wouldn't you know it? Curbside happened again this year, even though I complained and it was a formal complaint and all of that. Even though I did that, curbside still is happening and I'm starting to freak out. Do you know what I mean? Okay, just to let you know that it's probably going to be more than one person to stop curbside collection. So much as I understand you're complained, it wouldn't just have to take one person to stop the whole of Crispin having curbside collection. What's the point of the reports then if my reports do nothing? We can still put the report through. I just want you to know if we don't take your details, we can't contact you and tell you the results of the request. Because you mentioned you don't want your details to be passed on. And just for the environment stuff, with the environment, do you know what I'm saying about that? Because honestly, sometimes a mattress or something will sit on the grass and the grass becomes a bit yellow and that. And dogs and stuff need to eat grass to live. People need to eat that grass and so do animals. So it's just so bad for the environment and the toxins and stuff. They get washed off and run into the gutters and then you can imagine the fish trying to inhale that. Like that's not good for anything or anyone. Do you know what I'm sort of trying to say there or? Yes, yeah. I understand where you're coming from but what I'm trying to say to you is for me to put this through and you to get a response we'll need to take your details. I'm not comfortable with you guys taking my details just because I know my privacy laws and I'm... Okay, well let me just interrupt you for a moment and explain. If I don't take your details I will put the complaint through but there's no way you'll know the response. I can't contact you and say hey, by the way, I've got a response. You won't know because we haven't got your details. So yes, your complaint will be passed on but you won't ever know what we have to tell you. Well also I'll know the response because next year if curbside's on again that will be your response. I'll know that you guys have just thrown my report straight in the bin even though I've just told you about all of the environmental issues that can happen and all about all about the disabled people could be falling over and breaking their limbs and God knows what else and even hurt their heads they could even hurt their heads. With any changes to any policy within council like a curbside collection we would need more than one person to affect the whole of Brisbane a very large city one person would not make it a difference without contacting you to talk to you about it. So maybe I should start protesting or something is that what you're saying like maybe I should get some more people? I'm not saying that at all I'm just saying if you want to if you want to talk to somebody about this I'll need to take your details if I put it through anonymously I can't tell you what the answer is I don't know the answer I've given you I'm only the person on the phone giving you information I can transfer through to the waste team. Look Sharon I totally understand where you're coming from okay but I've given you my first name and that's all I'm willing to do just because of privacy laws and everything and also storing my information and etc etc I'm not comfortable with that at the moment No that's all right I just want you to know I'm happy to put the request through but it's not necessarily going to stop curbside collection I understand so I feel like you're trying to like you're trying to tell me like to protest and stuff so No, no not at all I'm not telling you anything please do not put words in my mouth because I'm not saying that You sort of said that one person isn't going to make a difference so I'm sort of sort of guessing from that that I need a large group of people to protest the streets about curbside I'm not saying that I'm just saying that one person you sort of are one complaint is not going to change curbside collection for the whole of Brisbane exactly let me get the details and I'll put the request through and pass it on I don't want you to expect curbside collection to stop though that's what I'm trying to prepare you for okay well that's yes just crazy I just I don't understand how I'm the only one doing this do you know what I mean like it's just crazy I see paint paint on the grass and stuff it's just nuts it's crazy out there where we need this for so and some of the north side suburbs is where I'm specifically I need an address I can't just put north side suburbs because my system needs a street number and a street name okay Aspley let's start with Aspley and the street name I'm not I'm not sure of the street names I can drive past and find that out for you because I can remember where it was exactly but again yeah street names and stuff I'm just not comfortable saying over the phone because you know with privacy laws etc etc and information storing and stuff I just can't do that so okay so I need to advise you that the council has no record of the property if we haven't got a street name we need a number and a street name I'm sorry I can't put it through without that thank you for all Sharon thank you first of all thank you for apologizing for on behalf of the Brisbane City Council but look with the street names and stuff look maybe maybe look maybe I will just have to send some text messages and try and go to universities and rally some students and maybe see if we can all put in a big report together like something like that and see if we can make something happen there because this is one of the biggest issues in the world and no one is even talking about it I see on the news 24 7 coronavirus this coronavirus that but no one is talking about curbside and how dangerous it is for death and blind people and people in wheelchairs and also the environment you can't think about the environment when you're putting putting rubbish on the grass all right I'm sorry I can't proceed any further with this that's okay look Sharon you've done the best you can and honestly like seriously from the bottom of my heart I appreciate it like honestly even just you listening to me I feel a little bit better so thank you so much for that but yeah I'm just letting you know that yeah that what is going on is incredibly selfish from this Brisbane City Council and like yeah the environment is suffering a great deal so we need to sort of put a stop to that but don't worry I'll see what I can do don't worry you'll be hearing from me again don't worry okay all right will you take good care won't you no worries Sharon you have a lovely evening okay and you thank you see you later bye Sharon bye oh dude I fucking hate her so hard to listen to she is such not Sharon Dakota why I don't know man but she grinds my gears I'd still do it oh my god you're fucking me you're fucking me you're fucking me you're fucking me it hurts please stop that's what it would be like I don't shave anything my breasts are harrier than my head oh dude anyway that's the fucking prank call and a cat on the back and a big round of applause because everybody's here everybody's here today great work also guys there's a fucking secret there's a secret on the table who can guess what's out of place comment below don't forget to comment and share and like the video show it to your friends and neighbors and everything else that happens don't forget to subscribe to the website if you want like to see us shit and if you want buy some manscape shit all right man fuck hell look at this virus test tube and we have Michael's armpit hair in a wax ball yeah all of it that's crazy man where's the best all right fucking hell man that's a long one yeah I had to try and end it she was being too like too persistent yeah she's being too helpful too helpful to your mind good at her job I can't believe she didn't fire up a bit more she did a little I wish she fired up a bit more she did a little where she was like don't don't put words in my mouth don't put words in my mouth shut up Sharon fucking idiot no I'm kidding Sharon you handled that very well I gotta go home I'll see you guys later be sure to clear he's bounding backwards now I can see him out the door well he's seen someone he's hiding in the bushes pregnant see you next week