 From Hollywood, California, the Lux Radio Theatre presents Bob Burns in Clarence with Gail Patrick and Thomas Mitchell. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, may I welcome you to your Lux Radio Theatre, for it is your loyalty to Lux Toilets Open Lux Flakes that makes this program possible. We want you to know that we sincerely appreciate your enthusiasm for our products. Tonight, Lux Toilets Open, the beauty soap of the stars, brings you Bob Burns, Gail Patrick, Thomas Mitchell, Johnny Downs, Jane Bryan and Eileen Pringle in that great comedy Clarence. And as special guests, Mr. Tom English, Mayor of Bob Burns Hometown, Van Buren, Arkansas and Mrs. Tay Garnett, Hollywood's only movie camera woman, Louis Silvers, conducts our orchestra. And here, back in Hollywood, is the producer of the Lux Radio Theatre. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. One afternoon many years ago, the peace and serenity of the pretty country town of Van Buren, Arkansas was shattered by a mysterious roar and trumpeting, a fearful sound that sent the startled inhabitants flying into the streets. Frantic phone calls poured into the sheriff's office and then a handful of brave souls banded together and traced it to Heyman's Plumbing Shop. There in the backyard stood young Mr. Bob Burns demonstrating the natural results of close cooperation between a length of gas pipe, an old funnel and a pair of robust lungs. People called it bedlam. Bob called it a bazooka. Years passed before the world took to its bosom the bazooka and its creator. Years during which Bob became a peanut farmer, grew hay for a living and was a civil engineer in Salt Lake City. To further delay his career, they started a war and the United States Marines claimed his services. But back he came with his home spun tails and his homemade bazooka, back at long last to his unique position as the country's leading storyteller, the hillbilly Baron Munchausen, the pied piper of Van Buren. Currently seen in World's Fargo, Bob comes to us tonight in the title role of our radio adaptation of another Paramount film, Clarence, based on the celebrated comedy by Booth Tarkington. Paramount also gives us our leading lady, Gail Patrick, that statuesque black haired beauty from Birmingham, Alabama. One of the most popular of our newer stars, Gail is now making mad about music for Universal Studios and her new Paramount film is Dangerous to Know. In our play, she's heard as Violet Pinning. The part of Henry Wheeler is played by Thomas Mitchell, actor, playwright, director and producer. Recently featured in such hit films as Lost Horizon and Hurricane. Jane Bryan, young Warner Brothers starlet, is heard as Cora, Johnny Downs of Paramount is Bobby, and Eileen Pringle returns to our stage as Mrs. Wheeler. And now curtain time. The Lux Radio Theatre presents Bob Burns and Clarence with Gail Patrick and Thomas Mitchell. A railroad station and the fashionable suburb of Elmwood, the 615 train from New York has just deposited its homebound troop of commuters. Among them, Mr. Henry D. Wheeler, one of the town's most solid citizens. Mr. Wheeler walks quickly toward the taxi line and addresses a gangling fellow in an army uniform who leans casually against the first cab. Taxi! Valley Boulevard. Well, don't stand there looking at me. I said Valley Boulevard. I kind of thought you were talking to me. Oh, smart alec, huh? Well, take me to Valley Boulevard. Do you know where it is? No, sir, I don't. I'll get going. I'll tell you where to turn. But I don't think I... You don't have to think. Just drive. Now, I like to be accommodating you. Are you taking me to Valley Boulevard or do I get in there and drive it myself? Well, no, I wouldn't want you to do that. Then hurry up. I've got to get home sometime tonight. Well, if you think it's all right, I'd be glad to take you to Valley Boulevard, but it just don't seem like... Right at the next corner. That's Valley Boulevard. Yes, sir. Say, that car and back have been following us for some time. Ain't that a policeman on the running board? No, what if it is? If he likes to ride that way, that's his business. Besides, I know every cop in town. I guess maybe you do, because he's waving at you now. Just stop up there beyond the street lamp. Yes, sir. You know, I believe that policeman wants to talk to you. Yes, sir, I'm pretty sure he does. Now, this the house? Yeah. Hey, you didn't even set your meter. Well, how much do I owe you? Nothing. What's that? You don't owe me anything. This ain't my taxi cab. Oh, who's is it? I don't know. That's it, and that funny-looking guy's the one that pinched my cab. There we are, both of you! Of course, I'll stay where I am. It's my house, isn't it? Oh, good evening, Sergeant. Oh, it's you, Mr. Wheeler. What about my cab, wise guy? Well, there's been some mistake, boys. I thought the cab belonged to this gentleman, and I ordered him to drive it. Where do you get off at telling him to drive my cab? Well, I'm very sorry, and look, here's ten dollars. Now, that ought to take care of everything. Yes, I think that's pretty fair. Oh, you do, do you? Would you mind, Sergeant, if I kind of hanged one on his schnozzle or just one? Mr. Wheeler said it was a mistake. Take your ten bucks and get your cab out of here. Cossack! What's that? I said, thanks, thanks. Thank you, Sergeant. Sorry to have detained you, Mr. Wheeler. Good night, sir. Good night. Now, what about you? Me? Why did you drive that car if you didn't own it? Well, you said you'd drive it yourself. You were leaning against it, weren't you? That's my liver. What do you mean, liver? Will you please talk sense? Well, it just kind of felt good leaning against the car that way. You see, if you lean against anything any lower, it kind of catches me in the liver. You see, when I was in the Army... Oh, so that accounts for the uniform you got on. Oh, go on, so you were in the service. Yes, it was. It drove mules. Mules, eh? What's your name? It's Clarence. What? Clarence... Hey, that's an army. Well, now, that's awfully nice of you to say so. Well, good evening, Mr. Wheeler. Good evening, Miss Penny. Going out? Hot water heater. It's out of order again. I was just running next door to see if... Oh, this is Clarence. Oh, is he a plumber? Plumber. Now, where was I to find a plumber? I ain't a taxi driver either. Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought, why, why, you're a soldier. Well, no, I'm not a soldier either. He used to drive mules in the Army. Oh. But if that hot water heater's given you any trouble, I may be able to fix it up. If you're interested in picking up a few dollars... Why, I sure would be glad to. You see, till I get a letter, I'm expecting... All right, all right. See what you can do with the darn thing. Miss Penny, will you show him where it is? Certainly. If you'll just come with me, Mr.... Oh, just call me Clarence. This sure is the right pretty house here. Well, I guess the first thing to do is test the water flowing the bathroom. Which one? How many you got? Seven. Seven bathrooms for goodness sake. Well, there are seven bathrooms, and I suppose you'll have to look at them all. There's one for Mr. Wheeler and another for Mrs. Wheeler and for Bobby Wheeler and Cora Wheeler for Della and for me. Miss Penny, just what do you do here if you don't mind my asking? Well, I don't see one. Oh, well. Well, I'm supposed to be Cora's companion, but I'm sick and tired of this whole household. If I didn't feel so sorry for Mr. Wheeler, I would have left long ago. It's the maddest house I've ever seen, and you seem to fit right into it. Me? Yes, and that makes everything just dandy. Oh, now there's Bobby's room. If you ask him very nicely, he may show you where the bathroom is. Well, I declare. Oh, Ed. Hello. I guess you're Bobby. Oh, yes, sir. Won't you come in? Thank you. Where's the bathroom? Right in there. Uh, did you see my father? Oh, yes, yes. A road from the station with him. Well, what did you decide? Well, we decided to fix the hot water heater. Well, aren't you from the military academy? Me? I guess I'm too old to be going to military academy. That's for youngsters. Sure it is. Why, for a fellow who's gone on 18 at Silly, that's what I've been trying to tell you, old man. Say, what are you doing here, anyway? Well, I came to test the water pressure in the bathroom. In that outfit? That's a uniform. Maybe it is, but it's the only suit of gut. Oh. Well, here's the bathroom in here. What's the meal bottle for? To measure the water. Measure the water? That's right. Now, what? One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi. Anyway, five Mississippi, six Mississippi. What's the Mississippi River got to do with our water? Seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi. Exactly right. I guess you think I'm crazy. Aren't you? No. If the water pressure is right, a quart bottle fills up in exactly ten seconds. That's the way you count when you haven't got to watch the time it. Hey, you learn a lot of things in the army, don't you? Were you an engineer? Nope, I drove muses. Oh, but soldiers get around a lot, don't they? Sometimes? I mean, soldiers know plenty about women and things. Oh, you're thinking of the Marines. No. No, you can tell me what I want to know, I guess. Well, I'll try. Well, do you think when a man's taken advantage of a woman's inexperience and kissed her and kind of mentioned he was kind of nuts about her, that he's got to go ahead and marry her, even if he's in love with somebody else? Does she think you ought to marry her? Well, how'd you know it was me? Oh, just a shot in the dark. Well, you're right. It is me. If she says if I don't, she'll tell the whole family unless I marry her or pay her damages or run away or something. Gosh, what would you do? I guess I'd go to military school. Education's pretty important. Oh, so is marriage the way I look at it, like I said to Miss Penny. Miss Penny the girl you kiss? Oh, no, I wish it was. She's the one I'm planning to marry. Isn't she just a little older than you? What difference does that make? Nothing makes any difference when you're in love. No. Now, now about those other bathrooms. Bathrooms? That's a fine thing to talk about now. Well, all right, come on, I'll show you Cor's room. It's down this hall. Cor, are that your sister? That's my pain in the neck, you mean. She's on a hunger strike. Hunger strike? Yeah, because the old man won't let her see her boyfriend. Well, now ain't that a shame? You should see her boyfriend. Well, here's her room. Wait a minute. Hadn't you better knock? Shh. Oh! I knew it. So you're eating, huh? I am not eating. It's a hunger strike. You're on. I saw you swallow when we came in. Go on a hunger strike. It don't even last one day. All right. Go ahead. Tell everybody. Tell the whole family. Tell all the neighbors. Just you go ahead and tell. And I'll tell something on you. You don't know anything on me, too, tell. I'll tell Dad you have a spatsar. They're not a spatsar. There are two. Prove it. Well, sure, I'll prove it. Who's this man? Well, if he had piped down, I'd tell you. I'm awfully sorry I had to hear all this, officer. My brother here, he's such a child. You must think we're awful arguing in front of you without even being introduced. Oh, that's all right. Sort of make me feel at home. I see you're an army officer. Well, I drove mules. Oh, how interesting. Won't you be seated, mister? I don't know your name. Bobby's just at that age when it embarrasses him to introduce people. Well, I'm afraid Bobby don't know my name either. It's Clarence. Clarence. Boy, who pinned that one on you? I think Clarence is a lovely name. Well, thank you. I always thought Mom and Papa done the best they could for me. Uh, Clarence, that's an English name, isn't it? Are you English? No, don't think so. Well, don't you know? What were you brought up? I was brought up with some cannibals. Cannibal? Gosh, didn't they ever try? No, no, they never even nibbled at me. In fact, when I was a baby, they wouldn't even let me chew on my own thumb. Well, what about your parents? Were they eating? No, no, no. They's kind of fond of all of us. Besides, none of my kin folks ever had much meat on them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I better get inside here and have a look at your bathroom. Your father wants to see you, Corey. But tell him I'm not in. You'll be more respectful in your tone to violet. Oh, so it's violet now. Since when do you call Miss Penny violet? Be quiet, both of you. Corey, your father wants to see you. Are you coming downstairs or not? No, I'm not. And you can tell my father I'm not going to eat a thing until he learns to keep out of my affairs. I'll starve to death before I'll let him destroy the most beautiful thing that ever came into my life. You mean, oh, Satchelface Tobias? You call him Mr. Tobias. He's old enough to be your father. You shush your mouth. Corey, I'll ask you once more to please come downstairs. Very well. You're going to get in trouble talking like that? I'm not. She is. What do you mean? Because our darling stepmother happens to think Miss Penny's much too young and pretty. Of course she's young and pretty. She's beautiful. And you're not the only one to think so. Why do you suppose Mother wishes to send Penny and me to Europe? To get rid of her, that's why. Oh, on account of me, huh? On account of Dad. Him? She wouldn't even look at him. He's old enough to be our father. He is our father, stupid. Oh, dear. Well, I've found the trouble. You have to go around finding trouble. We've got plenty as it is. Our dear stepmother, drip, drip, drip. Corey, dear. Hello. Corey, your father is very much upset. Don't you think you'd better come down and have a talk with him? I don't ever want to talk to him again. When you act like this, it reflects upon me. Oh, I do try to bring you up properly. Oh, don't let it get you down. You know we love you. Thank you, Bobby. I don't mind your problems. You're quarreled. It's only that I feel all sort of left out of it. Turn around. We have company. I'm sorry, Mr. Wheeler, but I asked her three times. Where is she? Where is she? Father, if you say one word to me, I'll jump out of this window. Go ahead, Dad, dear. Laura, I'll give you exactly five seconds to begin acting like a human being. Well, don't you think it's human to love? I've got good reasons for forbidding you to see this, Mr. ... Tobias, old sapso mouth. He's just a fortune hunter. No, what's the use? Miss Penny, will you please get her out of here? Take her to my study. No. Don't let her, Mother. Please don't let her. You see, Miss Penny, she seems to turn to me instead of you. It seems rather strange considering the father's preference. Now, Penny, don't you start. Well, I found it, Mr. Wheeler. The trouble of me. From now on, there'll be plenty of hot water around here for everybody. Now, if you'll excuse me. Hey, hey, wait a minute. Looking for a job, aren't you? Well, till I hear from the ... Know anything about gardening? About taking care of a car? Now, when I enlisted for the second time ... And you used to drive mules? Well, that is when we were ... When you used to drive mules, did you lose your temper? Oh, no, sir. I never did. You can't get any place with a mule losing your temper. If I had one mule, it used to kick me plum across the barn every morning. Why didn't you take a club to it? Well, I would have, only I was afraid it might make him mean. I see. Now, if you can handle a mule like that and still keep your temper, there's a place for you in this family. Want the job? The father's talking to you, Clarence. Not Miss Penny. Well, do you? Huh? Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks. Oh, good morning. I was just having some breakfast, Miss Penny. That I should say is quite obvious. I got to keep my strength to go to work. You certainly picked a nice place for it. I've been working here six months. If I stay any longer, I'll be getting like the rest of them. Yeah, but in spite of everything, I bet you'd hate to leave those two kids now, wouldn't you? Bobby and Cora? Hate to? Oh, well, yes, I guess I would, at best. I imagine they'd hate to see you go too. Why? Well, you seem like the sort of person that people would like. You learn some very pretty language in the army, don't you? Well, I guess you haven't been around soldiers much. No, I'm afraid I haven't. And will you excuse me now, Mr. Oh, they all call me Clarence. All right, Clarence. And they call me Della. Oh, good morning. Here, I can bring the dishes inside. Indeed you won't. That's my job around here. I get paid for doing that. Della, did you see those tools are brought in here this morning? We'll put them in the kitchen. I'll bring them right in. I thought I'd tune the piano. I noticed one or two of the keys is off. It isn't the piano that's off in this house. It's the people that play it. Hey. Hey, is she gone? Oh, it's you. Is who gone? Della, they made a course. Who'd you think I meant? Well, I didn't know Miss Penny was just here, too. Honest? Where was she sitting? Over there. Oh, yeah. The chair's still worn. Gosh. That's where your papa sat. Oh. Hey, why did you ask about Della? Why? Because she's the one I kissed. She's the one I got to marry or something. Oh. Gosh, look, Clarence, I've been thinking. Do you consider the army the best preparation for the afterlife? Well, if there's a war, the afterlife is what you're liable to get in the army. I mean the afterlife after you get married. You see, I don't think I'll go back to military school. I'm going to get married and then go to Yale. I'd think twice before doing that. To what? Yep. That's the mighty important step to take. Mighty, mighty important. Choosing the right college. Well, I guess I'll get after that piano. Bobby, I wish you would. Oh, it's you. That's right, Miss Penny. I was just tuning the piano. Well, go ahead. Goodness knows it needs it. Thank you. That's what I figured. Be flat, be flat, be flat. Be flat, be flat. There's a man at the French door. Be flat, be flat. Be sharp, be sharp. He says it, Hubert. Be flat, be flat. It's Mr. Tobias. I suppose I'll have to let him in. The natural. Oh, good morning, Miss Penny. Good morning. Is Cora down? We were to go riding, you know. Mr. Wheeler said if you called, I was to talk with you. Oh. Mr. Wheeler very plainly suggests you never come here again. Oh, and if I do, I'm to be thrown out. You'd like that, wouldn't you? So you can sue. That would be a much simpler way of getting at the Wheeler money and Cora. So that's all you think I'm interested in. The Wheeler money. Exactly. Goodbye, Mr. Tobias. I think I'll wait if you don't mind and see what Cora has to say about it. Oh, who is that? Be flat, be flat, be flat. Oh, Cora, my dear. Oh, Hubert. Oh, Cora. I'm sorry. I'm late for our ride. I guess I overslept. Only you could look so beautiful at this hour in the morning. Oh. Be flat, be flat. What's he doing here? I believe your father asked him to tune it, and he also asked you not to see Mr. Tobias again. I don't care what he said. He can't tear down that which we've built up, can he, Hubert? No, my dear, never. No. Just a little sour. You could have the decency, Miss Penny, to leave this room and take that piano tuner with you. Yes. Hey, let me end this swing door slot. But, Hubert, I'm not dressed to go. Well, we can't have any privacy here. That's apparent. Oh, I'll call you later, Cora. Come in, Bobby. May I hold the door for you, Mr. Tobias? They're all just trying to keep us apart, Hubert. Cora, you'll just have to choose between... Look out for the door! Ow! Oh! The door should just slipped out of my fingers. You killed him. You've killed me. Doors are after slip out of one's fingers, of course. Nice work, Clarence. But he's unconscious. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. It slipped if I had known it had such a strong spring why it hit him right on the head. Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi, he's out. Guys, that door's got the right pressure, too. Well, it's about time. I've been waiting for these groceries all afternoon. We'll set them down. And I've been waiting for something, too. You mean about the kid? Yeah, it's about time you did something. I've got him good and scared now. I told him he wouldn't have to marry me if he could get $500. $500? Mm-hmm. I told you at least a grand. I'm playing safe. Now, with this Clarence guy around, I can't... Ah, from what you told me that Clarence wouldn't know until tomorrow that yesterday was Tuesday. You know, if I thought he was really wise, I'd fix him right. Yeah, and do a stretch for it. Let me handle this. I know what I'm doing. And so do I. Listen, we're going to get our hands on some real dough in a hurry and scram. Beat it now. I've got to answer the front door. It's probably Mr. Wheeler. I'll answer the front door. Oh, all right, Clarence. Say if he's hurt us. He didn't hear us, but get out of here, will you? See you tonight. Okay. What is it? You said you wanted to speak to me after dinner. Yes, I do. Miss Penny, I can handle Father when you're not around. I want you to leave. Or do you? Have you taken over the job of hiring and firing... The servants? Of course. Why should I have any respect for your feelings? What you and Clarence did to me today will linger in my memory as long as I live. And a woman who loves it as much as I will resort to anything to attain the man she loves. I'll lie, I'll steal, I'll do anything to get rid of you. I heard what you said. That's a fine way for a squirt like you to talk to a lady. You see, you've even turned my own brother against me. How would you like me to tell Tobias what you like when he isn't here? And how would you like a kick in the teeth? When you attack this lady that soils her soul by being your companion, you put a stain on your whole vile sex. But I'm a member of that same vile sex, Bobby. I'd never believe it. There may be some women the same sex as Cora, but not you. The first time I saw you, something came over me. The first time you saw her, you got the mumps. Something came over me and I've tried to live a higher life. What is the trouble? Miss Penny, if you can't keep better orders than this. Bobby says that something came over him when he saw Violet. That doesn't seem to be unnatural. The men in this house, he wants to lead a higher life. Well, that's no disgrace, is it? Ha, ha, ha. A few more little more about the higher life. Rackett! I can hear you clear in the library. That was Cora. Clarence threw Tobias out and she's had convulsions ever since. Clarence threw Tobias out? Well, that's the first sensible thing I've heard in this house for months. It was all Violet's fault. What right had Miss Penny to tell Mr. Tobias not to come here again? Well, Dad wants her to assume a great deal, doesn't he? Yes, he does. Cora, Bobby, get to your room. No. All right, then don't. Miss Penny, I want to talk with you. Alone, I presume. Oh, no, no, no. You stay here, too. I prefer not to intrude. Mini, for heaven's sake. I'll not be humiliated like this in front of that woman. I can't stand this any longer. And neither can I. Well, if you've got nothing on me, if I don't get a little peace and quiet in this house, I'm going to start grieving mad. What is that infernal noise? It's August, Clarence. He's playing some kind of a thing. Clarence, come here. What is this? Hi, folks. I, you know, I thought I heard a little excitement down here and thought you might like a little music to go with it. Music? From that thing? What is it, Clarence? Well, now I'm glad you asked me that. Well, it's nothing but a piece of pipe. And a funnel. It's the funnel that gives it that beautiful tone you no doubt notice. And what are you going to do with it? Well, now I kind of figured on playing it. You know, they say music has charm to soothe the savage breast. And, well, it just looks to me like a little soothing around here wouldn't do no harm at all. Come on, Clarence. I'll play the piano for you. Will it be all right, Mr. Wheeler? I don't know. But play it anyhow. Where's my music? I can play without music, Clarence. What would you like? Oh, Mother. Come on, Clarence. Well, not one of my favorites. It's something old Grandpa Snazzy taught me when I was a little coolin' baby back in Van Bure. Now, it goes something like that. You just heard it. Give me a chord in B-flat, will ya? In B-flat. You have just heard Act One of Clarence in a few moments through the continuous act two of our play starring Bob Burns and Gail Patrick with Thomas Mitchell. Since the national craze of the moment is that delightful film Snow White and the Seven Forks, we couldn't resist the temptation to join the procession. With your kind permission, we would like to present our version of a scene between the wicked queen and the truthful mirror. Mirror, mirror, tell me true how beautiful I look to you. Good to look at, wicked queen, but not so fair at one I've seen. Mirror, mirror, that's a lie. None could be more fair than I. I know my fortune is my face and work to keep my looks in place. I get my color from a box. Watch my figure, frizz my lock. And still, dear queen, there is no doubt on clear, smooth skin you're losing out. Stupid thing, as if that mattered. No more cracks or you'll be shattered. No white skin is smooth as cream. She's a girl who wouldn't dream of risking dull cosmetic skin against good looks, a dreadful sin. She uses rooms and powder too, but she has found just what to do. Cosmetic skin? I'm a mirror, not a prophet. But frankly, queen, I think you've got it. Quickly, tell me how Snow White keeps her skin exactly right. It's very simple as you'll gather. She uses the soap with active leather. Keeps the skin smooth. Abandoned hope. You haven't used luxe toilet soap. Have you had a frank talk with your mirror lately? If you have been guarding wisely against cosmetic skin, your mirror has had only complementary things to say. Luxe toilet soap's active leather removes stale cosmetics, dust and dirt thoroughly, guards against the choked pores that cause dullness, tiny blemishes in large pores. Cosmetic skin. Use cosmetics all you like, but you don't use the toilet soap before you put on fresh makeup, always before you go to bed. 9 out of 10 screen stars use it to guard million-dollar complexions. Make this pure white soap your regular beauty care. Now our producer, Mr. DeMille. Back to Bob Burns and Gayle Patrick in Clarence with Thomas Mitchell, Johnny Downs, Jane Bryan, and Eileen Pringle. It's the following morning and a strange, almost ominous piece is ascended up in the mad Wheeler household. In the garden stands Clarence wielding a spray garden. From around the corner of the house, Mrs. Wheeler appears under a full sail, but it's a new Mrs. Wheeler, a smiling, coy matron who gazes fascinated upon Clarence, and finally addresses him in her most charming soprano. What are you doing? Sprayin' bugs? Oh, dear, do you mind if I watch Clarence? No, ma'am. Just trying out a new kind of a spray, one of my own. But I'm afraid that cap you're wearing isn't much protection from the sun, Clarence. Like your old army hat. How quaint, you're wearing it backwards. Yeah, I guess I am. You know, I suppose you'd call it a rebellion against convention. I've always wanted to put this thing on backwards just to see what had happened. I think I know exactly how you feel, Clarence. Whenever I see a sign that says keep off the lawn, I have a positive mania for wanting to walk on it. Now, that's just about the way I am. There's a sign that says no smoking. Don't it make you just itch to light up a good cigar? No. I'm afraid I wouldn't carry it that far. Well, it's all a matter of psychology. I guess nobody likes being a non-entity. Oh, I know all about being a non-entity, Clarence. It's just since last night when we were playing that I really felt like a man of this household. Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it? We must do it more often. The next time I'm going to have a surprise for you. Can you tell me now? I've been practicing some hot licks on the piano. Why, I wonder who's playing my piano. It sounds like Bobby. The Bobby must practice a gradial more before we let him accompany you. Oh, uh, uh, what time is it? Oh, I just have time to go down. You've been avoiding me for days. You can't treat me like this, Bobby. I won't stand for it. What are you talking about? You've broken my heart. I'm going to your father. Hey, don't do that. Listen, I told you I'd get that money for you. Oh, Clarence. For the love of Pete Della, get out, will you? All right, I'll get out now. But you've got to do something. I won't wait much longer, young man. Oh, Clarence, will you fix the... Oh, oh, it's you. Well, a fella has to practice sometime. I guess you must think vile. It likes it. Funny I never thought of it before. And it's funny you're wearing tennis shorts and weather like this. You do anything to attract Clarence's attention, wouldn't you? You're playing the piano. Oh, good morning, Clarence. Oh, excuse me. I'll come back when you're dressed. Oh. Clarence, the hot water in my room doesn't seem to be working right. Do you suppose you could come up and... Sure, I'd be glad to. Now you run up there and turn it on and I'll try the heater in the basement. Oh, but you'll have to come up to see about it, won't you? Yes, I think so. I can't tell until you turn it on. Well, all right, Clarence. I'll go up right now and turn it on. Practicing, Bobby? Listen, Clarence, there's something I want to ask you. About the piano? No, no, no, no. About love. Did you ever pitch a woo? Is it anything like pitching horseshoes? What I mean is, did you ever get romantic with a girl? What I mean is, did you ever sort of say to her, put your head on my chest and relax, baby? No, I don't think I ever did. Did you? Well, I haven't yet, but if I'm gonna marry Miss Penny, I sort of have to start letting her know my viewpoints about things. You think she'll get it from that? Oh, sure. All I gotta do is get her away somewhere with some privacy to a night club or something. Say, couldn't we ask her to go tonight? We? Sure. You ask Violet, then I'll meet you there or something, and when I arrive, you can do a fade-out. I'll tell her you've got Magnesia or something and that you always wander off like that. Well, that's very thoughtful, Bobby. Look, she's out in the ports now. Ask her, will you, Clarence? Well... Go ahead. Go ahead. Don't be bashful. Well, uh, Miss Penny... Hello, Clarence. What on earth are you doing that for, putting your finger in your mouth? Well, that makes it wet. Then I'll hold it up and find out which way the wind blows. We always did that in the Army. Well, does it make any difference which way the wind's blowing now? Always sleep with your head to the wind. Otherwise, it blows up your pant plate. Oh, Clarence. Miss Penny... Yes? I've been wanting to ask you, what do you do with your evenings? Well, I generally read. Saturday night, too? There's not much else to do. Well, I was kind of wondering, uh... Do you like to dance? Well, if you're asking me to go to a dance with you, I will. But I'm not. Well, that settles that. Yeah, but I am. You am what? Uh, what I mean is, uh... I want you to go with Bobby. Now, wait a minute. Why do you want me to go to a dance with Bobby? Well, I don't. Well, what I'm trying to say, Bobby wants you to go with us. Us? He asked me to kind of go along or something. Uh, will you? Well, would you like me to? Well, sure. Then I will. Well, for goodness' sake. Morning, everybody. Well, for once, maybe we can all sit down to breakfast without flying at each other's throat. Now, then, where's my morning paper? Here it is, dear. Oh, maybe I'm wrong. Well, why doesn't somebody say something? What's happened this time? Dello? Yes, ma'am. I asked you to call Clarence and Miss Penny. Well, they're probably walking in the garden. I beg your pardon, sir, but their rooms weren't occupied last night. What? You mean they stayed out all night? It appears so, Mr. Wheeler. I think it's perfectly terrible. Maybe they were in an accident. Accident, my eye. He's had violet out every night since we had that party at the nightclub. Hmm. I don't like this, Mini. Why blame it on Clarence? Because he's a double-dealing chiseler. And she makes me sick the way she throws herself at him all the time. Be quiet. Be quiet, Cora. This is all very strange to me. I could swear I saw Clarence driving the car into the garage last night. The garage? I just kind of leaned on the horn accidentally. Oh, where are we? In the garage. How long have we been here? Since 10 minutes past one last night. It's 8.30 now. Oh, my goodness. Why didn't you wake me up? Well, you just look so comfortable. I hated to disturb you. So you just sat there without moving so I could sleep? Well, maybe my head did sort of fall over once or twice. On mine? Well, yeah, I think I guess it did. But I didn't mean to. That is, you see... Oh, I forgive you, Clarence. Ouch. What's the matter? Oh, gee, I'm stiff. My feet. I guess it's my fault the way I danced. Oh, I thought you were wonderful last night. Did you? Uh-huh. Uh, why, uh... I guess maybe we better go in. It's kind of late to be getting home. Yes, and face the music. What? You're going to wonder where we've been. Well, it's none of their business where we've been. Shut up! I tell you, she makes pain to the nice money. You knew one of that. She already did twice in his own house. I guess maybe I was wrong. Hello, folks. Well... Good morning. It is a nice morning, isn't it? Oh, Clarence, how could you do this to me? Do what? Oh, it's easy if you just keep pinching yourself. You'll settle with me for this. Sit down, Bobby. This is not a very good example to set for the children, Miss Penny. But, Mr... Not here, Miss Penny. Not here. We'll discuss it in the library if you don't mind. Please, Mr. Wheeler, you're not addressing Coral. That's right. Go ahead. Make fun of me. I think you're all making a lot of fuss about nothing. Nothing. I'll handle this, Minnie. I'll handle this myself. Why, Bobby, don't you talk to me, you traitor? Bobby, it seems to me you've had some false illusion. And maybe you think I haven't. Bobby, Coral, please. That's a stick up for outsiders against your own kith and kind. That's a fine way to talk to me. Please, please. Stop this wrangling. Well... Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse Violet and me, I... But, Clarence, aren't you going to offer some explanation? Under the circumstances, no. But that doesn't put me in a very favorable light. Explaining only makes it look like you got a guilty conscience. But I have myself to think of if you haven't. But I have. You act like it. Pardon me, Mr. Wheeler, but Mr. Tobias is at the door, sir. Hubert, what does he want? Well... He says he has some very important news for you, sir. About him, Clarence. What about him? Well, tell him to come in. Well, it'd be all right if I go to my room now. Yes, yes, yes. Of course, go ahead. Thank you. Mr. Wheeler, I want to see you. Perhaps you'd better see Mr. Tobias first. Yes, I think perhaps you might. Good morning, Mr. Wheeler. Good morning, Miss Pinney. How do you do, Coral? Well, what is it? I came here to do your family a service. Do you know whom you're harboring under your roof? This soldier, this one who calls himself Clarence. I haven't had the pleasure of hearing his last name. His last name is Smunn. What about it? His name is not Smunn, Mr. Wheeler. It's Mohn. Clarence, Mohn. Please, Miss Pinney, it's Smunn. I beg your pardon. I distinctly heard him say Mohn. Nobody's name was ever Smunn. Nobody's name was ever Mohn. Well, why don't you ask him? Because I know. That's why. He told me it was Mohn. Miss Pinney, you're getting worse than my wife. Mr. Wheeler, please. Della. Yes, sir? You distribute the mail in this house. You've seen Mr. Smunn's letters, haven't you? Whose letters? Clarence's letters. How does he spell his last name? He hasn't had any letters, sir. No letters. Oh, that's funny, isn't it? What's funny about it? Oh, don't excite yourself. But it looks as if he might have taken measures not to get any mail. Poor heaven's sake, man. What are you driving at? What's in the morning paper? I haven't got the glasses. Then I'll read it to you. Deserter. Charles Short. Sought by War Department and divorced wife. Seeking alimony. Also wanted in Delaware for embezzlement. And there's his picture. It doesn't look like Clarence. Newspaper pictures never do. Don't you realize you have a confident man in the house? Oh, that's ridiculous. Minney, what did he tell you? He told me he used to drive mules. Yes, everybody knows that. What else? Well, he seemed to be very well acquainted with bugs. Perhaps he used to be a botanist. And I thought he was a plumber. Hey, you. Yes, Papa? What do you know about him? He told us he was raised by cannibals. I hate Clarence. Tell Clarence to come down here now at once. How can I tell him to come down? I'm not speaking to him. Do as you're told. Yes, Papa. Oh, this is fine. He's a plumber. He's a soldier. He's a consort of cannibals. He's a piano tuner. He's a botanist. There must be something queer about him. Around how could he have spirited violet right from under my nose? That's what I handed. Look how he took her away from you. Oh, nonsense. You want to see me, Mr. Wheeler? Yes, I do. I'll handle this. Well, I see you're not wearing your uniform anymore, Mr. Short. Mr. Who? Charles Short. I suppose you don't know anyone by the name of Charles Short. Yes, I do. Do you know anyone by the name of Charles Short Well? Charles Short Well? No, I... I think there were some short wells caught for stealing sheep back in the... But you do know someone named Charles Short. Everybody knows somebody named Charlie Short. I'm talking about the one you know. I know three. I'm talking about Charles Short, the deserter. Oh, that one. May I have that newspaper, Mr. Tobias? Clarence, they wanted to know if this is a picture of you. Are you this Charles Short? Well, are you? No, I'm not this Charles Short. Not this one here in the paper. About my being either one of the other two shorts, I know. I won't commit myself, but I'm not this one. If you lie about one thing, you'll lie about another. Have I ever lied to you, Mr. Tobias? You've lied to everybody in this house. Ask any one of them. Well, have I? Well, I don't know. I don't think so. Say, what's all this about, anyhow? We want to know who you are. Well, don't you know who I am? Well, if we knew, we wouldn't be asking. Yeah, that's right, ain't it? Well, all you had to do was look me up in the latest edition of Who's Who. Now, I don't mean that I'm a great man, but I certainly am one of the authorities on the Coleoptera. What? The Coleoptera. Excuse me, Mr. Wheeler, but the hot water heat is out of order again. Can Clarence fix it? I can if they're all through with me in here. Oh, yes, yes, I guess we are, yes. Quick, Bobby, get me the dictionary. Yes, sir. Yes? Get me a copy of Who's Who. Okay. Well, now, if there is anything I can do... Yes, yes, yes, there is. You can get out of this house and stay out. It calls for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Now, before starting the third act of Clarence, a brief intermission, and a chance to meet one of the unusual personalities behind the scenes of Hollywood, we have hundreds of camera men in the film capital, but only one camera woman. She's Mrs. Tay Garnett, wife of the distinguished Hollywood director, who, before her marriage, was Helga Moray, one of England's leading screen stars. As camera woman, Mrs. Garnett accompanied her husband and 12 other men on a 40,000-mile voyage recently concluded to the world's most distant corners to collect authentic background shots for two films that Mr. Garnett plans to make, Trade Wins and World Cruise. They visited 27 countries and brought back 70,000 feet of film. I doubt if the pictures in which you'll see this film can be any more exciting than the experiences encountered in securing it. If you'll please, Mrs. Garnett, what about them? Well, Mr. DeMille, I suppose our most exciting experiences happened in the steaming jungles of Indochina. There, for example, we filmed a tribe called the Anamite, whose women are like Amazons, beautiful and powerful, but whose men, through centuries of indolence, are weak pygmies in comparison. In one village, three of their men were unable to close one of my suitcases, which I later closed myself without any difficulty. In the place called Natrang, we encountered a colony of eight men who lived in great nests in the treetops. They have virtually no language and no memory, spending their lives like animals eating and sleeping. In the province of Anam, we made the first pictures of their sacred elephants, one of which went berserk and killed five natives before our eyes. But while those were perhaps our most exciting experiences, I think our most interesting was our visit to the Lakadeev Islands. The Lakadeevs are probably one of the least known island groups in the world. I'm afraid all I know about them is that they lie off the coast of Malabar and that the natives are descendants of a shipload of Mohammedan pilgrims wrecked there some 300 years ago. That's correct, Mr. DeMille. There are dark-skinned people, about 2,500 of them. They had never before seen a white woman that no white man had visited there since 1897. They'd never heard of the United States and are amazed to find the women using red lacquer on their fingernails exactly as we do here. And here's something that will amaze you. They'd never seen nor heard of soap. Oh, Mrs. Godnett, not even luck soap? No, not even luck. Along with other supplies that we wanted to be sure to always have on hand, we brought along several cases of luck soap on our yacht, the Athene. There was a gift certain to delight natives anywhere, and so it proved on the lack of these. They never quite recovered from the miracle of the bubbles, nor could they understand why, after patiently scrubbing themselves, they didn't turn white like we were. And I wouldn't be surprised, Mr. DeMille, if they're still squatting on the beach trying to acquire a complexion like 9 out of 10 Hollywood screen stars who also use luck soap. In less isolated places, Mrs. Godnett, what did you find out about their taste in motion pictures? The number one thing the most popular stars are Brunettes. They think that blondes are anemic and washed out, and my husband was constantly being concerned for having a wife as blond and light as I am. They're very fond of musical pictures. Charlie Chan is very idle and so is Shirley Temple. Next year, we're going to make another voyage, this time to the west coast of Africa. And when I return, if you'll let me, I'd love to come back and tell you a little about that trip, too. Thank you. Consider yourself invited. Bob Burns, Gail Patrick, Thomas Mitchell and our all-star cast, Brazil, Clarence. Clarence's reference to who's who has made him more of a mystery man than ever. Down in the basement, the man of the hour has once again repaired the hot water heater. A slightly cowed Bobby stands next to him, as Dinny, Della's burly fiance, descends the cellar steps, and hands Clarence a stilson wrench. Well, here it is. I had a hard time getting it too. Thanks. I don't need it now. Oh, I haven't met you ever. There's a lot of people you haven't met. He's Dinny, Della's boyfriend. He works for the grocery. Well, whatever. Hey, hey, where's Miss Penny's trunk, kid? I'm supposed to take it to the station. What for? She's leaving here. You sure fix me up, Clarence. You're driving the most beautiful girl in the world out of the house. Did Miss Penny say that? She got me to help Dinny with the trunk so she wouldn't know about it. You mean she doesn't... She don't even want to see me before she leaves? First you buy Smurch a reputation, and then she discovers what an awful liar you are. Now, wait a minute, Bobby. They want you upstairs here, and I wanted to see you, Bobby. What do you want with Bobby? He knows what I've worked with him. And I know too. If I were you, I'd forget about it. I don't take orders from you. Well, the mules used to have the same attitude, but they went. Now, you two have framed a mean, low-down plot against this boy here, and it's going to stop right now. Fuck him with that wrench, Dinny. Why? I've never hit anybody in my life, but I've always thought it must be awful nice of time. You couldn't hit anybody, you half-baked jellyfish. Well, I can try. And that's why I can't give Della. And here's a couple more for me. And here's one for the whole Wheeler family. Oh, my, too big, bully Dinny, darling. Are you a herd-antime, Dinny? So you were trying to put something over. Shut up. That's no way to talk to your future husband. Gee, Clarence. I never knew you had a wallop like that. Not so loud. Violet, I want to see you. Well? Violet, I want to say something. Why didn't you say something before when it might have done some good? Well, why should I explain anything to Tobias? You could have told us who you are. I didn't want to boast, but after all, I am one of the authorities on the Coleoptera. Yes, you've said that before. That don't seem to impress you very much. But when you think they outnumber human beings by billions and billions, well, there's something. I'm not interested. What are they? The Coleoptera. They're beetles. Beetles? Yeah, beetles, bugs and things. Well, what's so funny? Do you think I've been worrying about a person who chases beetles? Well, I don't chase beetles. The fact is, my talents lie just as much along potato bugs. No. Not socially, you understand, but finding the worst enemies. You mean people who hate potato bugs? The enemies kill the potato bugs and you save the potatoes. That explains it, I hope. I thought you were going to explain about yourself. Oh, I'll work me in with the bugs. Now, uh... You said you drove mules in the army. Well, that's right. For the last three years, up until I resigned from the army again, I was, well, a sort of a doctor to them. But the bugs are my real life work. How do you go back to it? I'm going to. I wrote to a laboratory and if they think half as much of me as I do of myself, my ticket will be in the morning's mail. That may be just another of your stories, but it's interesting. Yeah, ain't it? Yeah, we'll have a lot of fun on this new job. We? Well, uh, you know, my assistants and I. Oh. But we should go together, don't you think? You and your assistant? Yeah. No, no, I mean... You're all gone and violent. I mean you and me. I wish I could make you out, Clarence. But you will, Violet. I, uh... Oh, oh, Clarence. Oh! Hey, Bobby, did you look for those letters for me? Yeah. But there wasn't any. Oh, there must be. I should have heard three or four days ago. There must be a letter for me. I've looked all through the last six who's who's and there's no Clarence moan and any of them. There's no Clarence moan either. You needn't look for moan. If your father says it's mawn, it's mawn. What's that, Mindy? You're agreeing with me? I've learned something from Clarence, dear. Haven't you noticed how we do all the venting and raising? He never gets excited about anything. Well, it's a pretty good system at that. But we don't know any more about Clarence than we did two hours ago. I tell you, there must be a letter someplace. He's still looking for a letter. Oh, excuse me, Mr. Wheeler, but I've got to go through your correspondence. You've got to what? Henry! Well, oh, all right, of course. Go ahead. There's a pile of mail there on my desk. Violet, you look as if you were going out. I am. I'm leaving. What? Well, not for. Yes, we're good, Mr. Wheeler. Oh, surely. Couldn't be anything, I've... No, Mrs. Wheeler, nothing you've done. But it can't be that silly argument, we have. It's nothing any of you've done. I'll even admit that Clarence may be one of the smun families. It's probably mawn I've been wronged before. Here it is, Violet. Look, he found a letter. Why, it says, see Smith, Esquire. Well, why shouldn't it? That's my name. Smith? Clarence Smith. Where's that who's who? Smith, Smith. Clarence Smith. Smith. Uh, entomologist. Chief entomologist. And he did have cannibals. He was born in Africa. And he did live in Arkansas because the family came back from Africa. And he... A lot of other big initials. And a DSC. Clarence, how many schools did you go to? Wait, wait. I don't know. I'm trying to read this letter. A lot of schools. Violet, look, it's all right. We're set. It says so. We're set. Like in Bridge, Clarence? No, like in laboratory. We've got a job. We can be married now. Who can be married, Clarence? Well, Violet and me. Oh! Smith. Clarence, Smith. Is... Is it gonna make a difference? Smith's beautiful. You've deceived me all along. Cora. Well, I guess I'll be going back to school soon, Miss Violet, Penny, so I won't be seeing you. But if he doesn't make you happy, well... Anyway. Thank you, Bobby. Goodbye. Hey, Bobby. Yeah? Remember one time you asked me if I ever... If I ever... Well, you might as well know how it's done now. Come here, Violet. Yes, Clarence? Put your head on my chest and relax, baby. Oh, Clarence. Down goes the curtain, and up go the lights, and our play is over. But here are Bob Burns and Gail Patrick, back for a little exchange of informal conversation. Well, Bob, how'd you like it? How'd I like what, Gail? Doing Clarence. This is the first time you've played a dramatic part on the radio, isn't it? Yes, sir, it's the very first time, and it sure was nice. And I've been thinking that maybe that's the real life work, being a matinee either. You know, I couldn't help thinking how much Clarence's life parallels more. Oh, but Bob, Clarence was born in the wilds of Africa among the cannibals. And you were born in the wilds of Arkansas. And don't tell me they have cannibals in Arkansas. No, they don't have any cannibals down there, but during some of those bad years, I want to tell you I got awful uneasy. And then another thing, you know, I joined the Army like Clarence, and then I remember I wore my uniform around a long time before I got another suit to wear. Were you the only one in your family in the Army, Bob? Well, now, Gail, there was my cousin, Wofford. You know, he wanted to join up, but I believe that they'd used luck soap back in those times. He'd have made it. You know, that homemade soap we used down there, it don't work so good. Well, everybody knows there's nothing like luck's toilet soap, Bob, and I suppose that since you've been in Hollywood, you found out that just about everyone here uses it. I know, I think it's grand, and I wouldn't be without it. But what about cousin Wofford who didn't use luck soap? Poor chap. Well, Uncle Fudd took the cousin Wofford down to the recruiting station, and the sergeant looked at Wofford, and he says to Uncle Fudd, he said, take the boy out and give him a scrubbing so I can see what he looks like. So Uncle Fudd took Wofford out, and he brought him back in after a while, and the sergeant looked at Wofford and says, I thought I told you to take that boy out and scrub him. And Uncle Fudd says, I did scrub him. The sergeant says, well, he don't look like it. And Uncle Fudd says, well, I'll tell you, sergeant, the boy just dries out a bad color. But you know, I sure am going to send some of this luck soap back to my kid folks at Arkansas. What kind of soap have they been using, Bob? Well, up to now, Mr. Mill, the only kind of soap we can find to do any good for him is all his saddle soap. Object. Well, if there ain't Mayor Tom English. It certainly is, Bob. I just thought it would be a good idea to bring the mayor of your hometown here, Mayor Tom English of the Bureau of Arkansas, and let him check up on you. And he's objecting to you already, Bob. And what grounds Mayor English? Well, Miss Patrick, I don't know why you people on the radio don't talk about the home girls. You're always talking about the beautiful women in Hollywood. Back in Van Buren, our girls are very beautiful, too, and they use luck's toilet soap, just as much as you picture stars do here. Anyway, I think our Van Buren girls are mighty good looking. Ain't it the truth? Your Honor, from the way Bob talks on the radio, I think people get the idea that about everybody in Van Buren is some relative of his. After all, Van Buren has a fairly large population, hasn't it? Well, we're pushing up around 6,000 Mr. DeMille, and I don't believe that more than 4,500 are any kin of Bob. Of course, I'm referring to blood kin. Yeah, I sure we were blood kin, Mayor, because I think you're just about the finest mayor I can thank you. Well, thank you, Bob, and I don't think I have to tell you how proud Van Buren is of you, and we certainly think you're doing a mighty fine work helping these young fellas along by letting them be on the program with you. Mr. DeMille and Bing Crosby. Mayor, I think our listeners would like very much to know just what Bob was like before he blew his way to fame on the bazooka, when he was just a hometown boy in Van Buren, before he acquired all his polish and sophistication. Oh, now, Gail. Well, Bob may have acquired some of his city ways when he went to the University of Arkansas. When Bob made up his mind to go, he asked old Professor Williams, our school superintendent, to write a letter to the college president. Yeah, if you let me finish here, that is a fact. So he wrote a note for me to take up to the university, and so I just sneaked a look at it, and he had said, I hope you'll be able to interest this boy. You know, Bob, just before I left, I was talking to some of your kin folks back home, and they were telling me, you know, I think a better stop you're right here, Mayor, because I don't know if you kind of start talking, I'll be out of a job. You mean you'd have to come back to Van Buren? That's exactly what I mean, so there. Well, then maybe I'd better just keep quiet. But before I knew Bob, I couldn't help being impressed by your knowledge of potato bugs in that play tonight. If you know that much about potato bugs, I think maybe you'd better come home after all. You mean the potato bugs kind of acting up again? Something terrible. Just before I left, your grandfather Snaggy was telling me how last summer those potato bugs got so independent and so up to you that they not only had to pay for his crop, but they sent a petition to him telling him that this year they're demanding gravy. Good night, Bob, and thank you, Miss Patrick, and Mr. DeBell for an awfully nice time. And before I go, Mr. DeMille, I'd like to say how happy we are to see you back again in Hollywood. Yes, and that new picture, the buccaneers, is such a hit. You know, I can't wait till it plays back home in Van Gordon. Won't they be surprised when they find out that pictures can talk? Thank you, Bob, and good night, Daryl. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your announcer, Melville Rowe. Mr. DeMille returns presently with the views of next week's stars and plays, views that I'm sure will thrill you all. In our cast tonight, where Eileen Bringle is Mrs. Wheeler, Sarah Selby is Della, Wally Mayer is Dinny, Perry Ivins as Tobias, Lou Merrill, a sergeant of police, and Frank Nelson as cab driver. Bob Burns, who appeared through courtesy of the Kraft Phoenix Cheese Company, is now the director of the company, and he's the director of the company, and Bob Burns, who appeared through courtesy of the Kraft Phoenix Cheese Company, will be seen shortly in the RKO film Radio City Rebels. Johnny Down's new Paramount Picture is thrilled with a lifetime. Jane Bryant stars in the new one above this picture a slight case of murder, and Lois Silver's is from 20th Century Fox Studios, where he directed music for their new picture in Old Chicago. This week, a national campaign is being conducted to combat infantile paralysis. It is called the March of Dimes, and has the active support of the President of the United States. You can help in fighting this dreaded disease in this very simple way. Just send one dime to President Roosevelt, the White House, Washington, D.C. Sending one dime to President Roosevelt in support of this splendid cause will mean little to you, but if millions of people send in their dimes promptly, a real service will be rendered. Back now to our producer, Mr. DeMille. Judging from the letters which you send us, and which we're always so glad to receive, two of the most popular stars to have appeared in the Lux Radio Theater are Earl Flynn and Olivia de Havilland. So I'm sure you share the pleasure I have in announcing that next Monday night they return to our stage in another outstanding drama. Co-starring for us as they do in the new Warner Bros. pictures, Robin Hood, and to add to the good news, our cast will include that distinguished character actor, Mr. C. Aubrey Smith.