 Joining us is our resident film critic, Michael Snyder. These are the movies he's going to be talking about today. Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Men, Tell No Tales, Baywatch, War Machine, Berlin Syndrome, Long Strange Trip, and The Journey. Hey, Johnny Depp is broke. He requires $2 million a month to live on. Even after he's paid off amber herd, he still needs $2 million a month to live on. You and I can live on half of that. Well, hell, I can live on, you know, what, $100 a month if I'm crafty enough? Well, was Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Men, Tell No Tales crafty for you? Oh, my God. This is a franchise that may very well have worn out its wacky welcome. I guess it's the fifth movie of these Pirates of the Caribbean films and, you know, even though it's subtitled Dead Men, Tell No Tales, Johnny Depp's career is a dead man walking and it told this tale and maybe it's just that, you know, we're a little burned out on him. This has been his cash cow. The little films he's been making, the indie stuff or the bar and stuff hasn't really registered. And there's something about this fey, indolent, indestructible Captain Jack character that seems to keep the series rolling. You know, this movie, again, this is a franchise based on a Disneyland ride. It's the victim of the law of diminishing returns. And how many have they done? This is the fifth, the fifth film. It's unbelievable. And honestly, the truth is, this is one, and boy, talk about damning with faint praise. This is one of the better installments in the franchise, but the bar is pretty low. You know, I mean, the first film was a surprise and very entertaining, but they got more and more tedious and loaded with special effects. I mean, when the series started, Depp's drunken, the diffident Captain Jack was pretty hilarious. I mean, the idea of him inadvertently against his, you know, own better judgment or skills, somehow surviving against like supernatural foes and other pirates. The guy, that was kind of funny. He stumbles to success in sword fights. He survives ocean squalls. He goes up against, you know, sorcerous, magic fueled enemies. And there was this kind of, because of the falling over and stuff and his inebriation, kind of a silent film slapstick charm to it. That reminded me a little of, you know, Keaton and Lloyd, and maybe I'm giving Depp too much credit. I mean, he made me think of Jackie Chan's drunken master movies because that's another case where an actor basically fakes being allowed and, you know, and incompetent, but somehow survives. But I think that Depp is increasingly on autopilot in the series. I know he's grateful that the money's coming in because of what you said. But let's just say that he's navigating without a sextant. He's almost an afterthought in the film, to be honest with you, the new one. The thrust of it is this young guy trying to save his father. And his father is the Orlando Bloom character of Will Turner from earlier in the series who has been eternally doomed to pilot the Flying Dutchman ghost ship. So the kid grows up and wants to save his dad. And the only way he can do that is to find a mystical relic, Neptune's Trident. And so the only way you can do that is to find Captain Jack and also maybe connect with this very smart and beautiful young woman. And because she's a smart, beautiful young woman back in these primitive times, she's accused of being a witch, of course. In any event, they go on this treasure hunt and they encounter an opposition in the form of Javier Bardem, who was one of the best things about the movie. He's the ghostly villain, Salazar, who also wants to try it. And so he can become whole and human and alive again. Plus, Jeffrey Rush, an Oscar winner, is back as Captain Barbosa, who was kind of a more nuanced antagonist from earlier in the series. So you've got these veteran actors and the young leads, Brenton Thwaite and Kaius Goldario. You can't pronounce her name, but she's incredibly likable. And you've got some good set pieces, some of them are CGI and some of them are practical. But maybe there's just too, too many of these. And I think there's been four or too many of the films. You know, the film ends and it could be wrapping up the series in a nice little bow and then an end credit sequence. Hints that were not done with the films, nor with Jack Sparrow quite yet. I don't know. They're Disney property and, you know, I don't think they're going to kill the Golden Goose or the cash cow or whatever you want to call it. Something I don't want to watch. Time to talk about Baywatch. Yay or nay watch, Michael Snider? Nay watch. I mean, I never watched, nor did I ever care to watch the original and seemingly ridiculous TV series Baywatch. I mean, this was a phenomenon of the 90s. I think it started in 89 or 88. International markets. This TV program, which was, I don't know, crime fighting, lifeguards living in an idealized sunny California. I don't know how else to describe it. This show turned David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson into stars. And Hasselhoff became like gigantic in some markets, particularly as we all now know, Germany. Germans love David Hasselhoff. Who was it who used to say that? Norm MacDonald. He used to use that as a quip now and again on SNL. But it's true. And Hasselhoff played this lifeguard named Mitch Buchanan who led these busty and beautiful babes and a couple of guys in the lifeguard crew in all these various adventures. So why do you want to remake or make a movie based on this idiocy? Well, I'll tell you why, because Hollywood has no comfort with original ideas. And there's the old proof of concept. This thing was successful back in the day. It's kind of like why they made the Adams Family movies, you know, based on a TV show that was based on a cartoon. Those films were clever because the people involved were smart and the scripts were good and the actors were good. This, on the other hand, not so much. There's the camp and the nostalgia stuff. And they take a guy who has somehow continued to be great box office in most of the films he's done, unlike Johnny Depp. And they put this guy in the lead and it's Dwayne The Rock Johnson. So he's everybody's favorite. And he's everywhere lately. And so they decide they're going to make an action comedy based on the TV series, emphasis on the comedy. Unfortunately, none of it is any good. Dwayne Johnson is Mitch Buchanan. And he uncovers a criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay that they're watching, I guess. Anyway, you also get Zac Efron, the back use pretty boy, a good actress and a lovely woman, Priyanka Chopra, Alexandra Daddario, a young actress of limited skill, but easy on the eyes, and a few other appropriate choices and supporting roles. But man is this unfunny and is this feeble. You will choke over the lowbrow jokes as the Baywatch gang, including, of course, a few hotties, that seem more like Hooters waitresses in red one-piece bathing suits than actual lifeguards. I mean, if they were serving me drinks on the beach, I might take interest. But anyway, they seek new recruits, including a disgraced alcoholic Olympic swimming champ played by Zac Efron. And there's a chubby tech nerd who needs an inner tube or a lifejacket in the kiddie pool, but they need comic relief from all of this non-comedy. And, you know, so they have this chubby guy, they let him become a lifeguard. It is sheer idiocy. You know, you'll shudder at the stupid. I mean, Mitch and his crew go after yet another hottie. This one is a sneering designer clothes real estate magnate and a drug dealer played by Priyanka Chopra. And you got Johnson doing his usual shtick without any of the charm he sometimes displays. How shall I put this? Here, the rock does not roll. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a dumb film. Anyway, Baywatch, don't watch. Is that it? Is that the easiest blurb we can give you? War machine. Well, this is a different kettle of fish entirely. It's going for laughs in large part. And it is a movie with a pretty good pedigree, terrific cast, an interesting bit of source material, and is available for you to watch on Netflix or you can go see it in the theater. And it's not bad, but it's not anywhere near as great and as interesting as I hoped it would be. It's directed and written by David Michaud and it's based on a book called The Operator, The Wild and Terrifying Inside Story of America's War in Afghanistan by Michael Hastings. And what it does is it follows an arrogant and modern but kind of old school general played by Brad Pitt. And by the way, Brad Pitt excels in these sort of ambivalent anti-heroic lunatic characters and follows him as he's brought in as the Obama administration attempts to withdraw troops from Afghanistan and yet continue to beat back the Taliban and win the hearts and minds of the Afghani citizenry. So he's accompanied by a crew of aides and fellow soldiers, one of whom is Anthony Michael Hall, who's almost like a bodyguard type, and boy, he has become a burly chunk in his old age. You also get that? From Saturday Night Live, Anthony Michael Hall? Yeah, from that, from the breakfast club when he was a skinny little kind of Archie Andrews type. Yeah, man, same guy. He's a big, thuggish fellow now. You say like beefing up, working out, lifting weights? Yeah, but he's beyond beef. He's gone beyond the beef. Where's the beef? Well, it's right there on Anthony Michael Hall's body. You have to pay a royalty now to Clara Pellar's grandchildren for my birthday. Sorry about that. Where's the beef? Well, you also get Ben Kingsley, who's here as Karzai, which is a kind of very funny droll performance on his part. Topher Grace plays basically a media guy brought in to spiff up whatever news reports are coming up about General Glenn McMahon and his attempt to take over this Afghani Theater of War for the combined Allied forces that are there. You have all of the interplay and the friction between the various countries that have banded together to help America in a task of bringing freedom to the Afghanis. Alan Ruck plays one of the civilian meddlers that the government has sent in, but ultimately it's Brad Pitt who is, you know, he makes the movie fail or succeed. And I kind of enjoyed it, but it just seemed like it started to sag in the middle and it wasn't anywhere near as funny as I wanted to have coming from the talent involved. And, you know, it's interesting to see these guys and, you know, there's some really wonderful, you know, true-to-life escapades. You know, the soldiers are not always under fire and you see them, you know, between skirmishes. You see them at camp. You see them out in the field. And I kind of wish it was a sharper satire or something. But you do get a good sense of what modern warfare is like. And, you know, I mean, it's dysfunctional when you think about it, but it's also really amazing to see something like this. It is the antithesis of those classic war movies, the saving Private Ryan's and even movies from way earlier in Hollywood history. I enjoyed it. I just wish it had been better. It has good intentions, but it just wasn't sharp enough and funny enough. When you see a film like Wag the Dog about the political aspects of the war machine, not to use that phrase, you know, in an ill-advised way, that to me is a piece of brilliance. I hope that this would be as sharp and as topical as that. It is somewhat topical, particularly as we face this idiocy on the governmental level these days, but it just wasn't what I hoped it would be. Berlin Syndrome. This is actually the best film of the films we've discussed so far. And it's the movie you're least likely to see in your local theaters and the movie probably you wouldn't necessarily jump to see. On the other hand, I thought it was really terrific. I believe the director, Kate Shortland, is an Australian. Her lead actress is Teresa Palmer. And Teresa Palmer is generally a young blonde who's in teen exploitation films or was or plays the hot young college girl or the female lead in some sort of young romance. And she's frequently performed with an American accent and you wouldn't know that she's from down under. But here she plays a real Australian girl, kind of a salt of the earth girl who's decided she's going to pursue her photography instead of a dead-end job back home and she's going to see the world. So she takes off for a visit to Berlin, which is one of the great and most exciting capitals in all the world and certainly in Europe. And there she meets a local guy who was a teacher of English, a German guy who teaches English in Berlin, and he kind of takes up with her and she takes up with him. And it seems kind of cool and romantic and she's taken her photographs and then you find out that there's something very, very sinister about the guy. You know, they connect and they have sex but things get very, very ugly and very disturbing. The thriller, Berlin Syndrome, doesn't do what you expect it's going to do at the very beginning, but there are little clues that things aren't what they should be. And I don't know if you've ever seen the movie The Collector that starred Samantha Agar as a woman who was basically kidnapped by a guy who's obsessed with her and locked up. And it's based on a book by John Fowles who also wrote The French Lieutenant's Woman. And this movie, Berlin Syndrome, is kind of a modern equivalent to The Collector. You know, if you want to be creeped out, you need a good villain. And Max Reimelt, who is a German actor who I haven't seen before, I don't believe, is first rate as Andy, this guy that Claire, the Aussie photographer girl, falls in with. And man, it is a creep show. I thought it was exciting and tense and entirely plausible. I mean, Berlin is such a big sprawling metropolis and all this building is going on there, so there are all these nooks and crannies. Since the wall came down there's massive real estate development. So various neighborhoods are, you know, kind of almost deserted or in the process of being rebuilt. So it's kind of easy, I think, to lose somebody in this massive urban maze. I thought that Berlin Syndrome was a terrific surprise and I think people should seek it out even if they only end up seeking it out on streaming. It's disturbing, well done, and clearly Theresa Palmer's best performance so far. She actually, her hair is dark in this, brunette, and she made me think if Kristen Stewart was an actress to really conjure, and she's done some good work lately, this is, she's like Kristen Stewart's slightly more attractive sister and maybe slightly better actress. Long strange trip. Well, this is the untold story of the Grateful Dead, or that at least is the subtitle of the movie's title and it's the most enormous and impressive and prodigious rock documentary about a band that's probably ever been made. How prodigious? It's 239 minutes long. And it was picked up for distribution and availability online by Amazon. So I think you can probably pay to see it that way. But I would recommend if you're a fan of the Grateful Dead, the San Francisco-based progressive rock band that turned into a worldwide phenomenon with, you know, thousands upon, millions of dead heads, crazily devoted fans. If you like the stuff, seeing it in a movie theater with a big, big sound system might be the way to go. Now, despite its length and all of its copious detail, there are some kind of holes in the story and people that are sort of not given the attention you might see. And that's, you know, over 200 minutes worth of footage. And archival footage and concert footage I think that's probably never been seen before. Interviews, stills, great historical detail about the band and how they came together, keying on their lead guitarist, their virtuoso lead guitarist, and one of the band's two primary singers, Jerry Garcia, now sadly departed. And then we also learned kind of the why and the how of that as well. And we see a parade of their fans and we see talking head vignettes of people that you'll know, famous and otherwise, that speak about the band and what the band meant to them. This was executive produced by Martin Scorsese. And it was also directed by Amir Barlev, who directed the Tillman story, which is a pretty great documentary about Spencer Tillman. And it shows you what can happen on a grassroots level if someone has talent and determination and never stops performing and creating. This is kind of an impressive saga and it'll definitely be of interest to their fans. And I think if people are curious and have a love of adventurous music and patience, this has really got a lot of gems and it's a worthwhile experience. But you have to be a fan of popular music, I think. And this is, you know, this is a very unique and specific sound. One that spawned something called the jam band scene, which includes groups like Fish. But these guys are the granddaddies of that. And you really are immersed in the Grateful Dead over the course of this thing. And this is a group, this is a 30 year stretch that these guys have been around and kicking. And, you know, a few of the guys are still alive and performing, but obviously Garcia is dead. But you can relive some of his great moments and the tragedy of his life over the course of this film. Again, Long Strange Trip, which is actually the excerpt of Lyric from one of their more famous songs. By the way, before we get to the journey, comedian Michael Meehan has a movie that came out. Do you know that? I heard that that was the case. I have not seen it, nor have I been invited to check it out, nor do I know anything about it. But Mike Meehan is a very talented band. And, you know, Mazel Tov, have you seen the film? No, I read a great review of it and I contacted him, so I'm trying to get him to come on the show. The Journey. What's it about before we get to The Journey, you know? It's about San Francisco and it's a, I guess it's a film noir. It stars a lot of comics. Including The Brown. Comedians. And Kevin Mead. Oh, how nice. Well, there you go. Tell me about The Journey. I can't tell you much about The Journey. I just wanted to bring it up because I noticed an interesting thing about it. It doesn't open in the United States for another couple weeks. And it's basically a fictional account of what may or may not have happened when two guys on either side of the Irish peace process, the Democratic Unionist Party leader, a guy named Ian Paisley, who was also a reverend and the Sinn Fein politician, Martin McGinnis, if they took a car ride during the middle of the peace talks, what might have happened in that car ride? They had never really met before in real life and I think they do take a short journey together or did in the past, but no one knows what went down as they traveled together and had to interact on a personal level for the first time. This was a very major turning point in world politics when the troubles, if you will, the horrible conflict between the Protestants and Catholics over the government purview of the British in Northern Ireland when that thing came to a head in the early 2000s, or the mid-2000s. This thing, all I will tell you is that I love the film and Timothy Spall as Paisley and Colm Meany as McGinnis are absolutely great and there's terrific supporting work on Freddie Highmore and now late John Hurt, probably one of the last films he did, but in Ireland the reviews were less than kind. Elsewhere where it has been reviewed, it's been getting very positive notices and I wanted to bring that up because I think there's a kind of a cultural and national imperative in a situation like this when something is so close to home and so much of a tragedy and so deeply ingrained in the culture. I think it's hard to look at it with eyes that aren't going to be affected by the prejudice one has built up over the years. It's amazing to note that the Irish reviews have been sort of negative or off-put. These people have not been pleased with it. I know one UK reviewer thought that the movie was misguided to dramatize the meeting. I on the other hand thought it was pretty good but it just struck me as interesting noticing the disparity between the Irish and UK reviews and everywhere else that people have reviewed it so far. Again, it doesn't open for another couple weeks in the States so I would just as soon restrain myself from any more discussion other than to say two fantastic actors at the height of their powers. Before you go, let's turn to sports. I know you're a big 49ers fan. Tell me about Colin Kaepernick. Well, they let Colin Kaepernick go and as anyone who pays any attention to the news probably noticed over the past years there's been a lot of controversy over the 49ers at that point, long-time quarterback Colin Kaepernick. He is half black, half white. He's got a big old Afro and he has taken a political stance over the past year or so to support such groups as Black Lives Matter to point out the racism that's still inherent in this country and he initially brought attention to it by kneeling during the national anthem during exhibition games and eventually even regular season games over the past season and this caught on. Other high school teams were doing it. Other players did and support players on rival teams where there was bad blood between the 49ers and the rival team. Members of the Seahawks, the 49ers arch enemies in the National Football Conference Western Division supported Kaepernick in this and the Patriots including the Bonehead who's currently in the Oval Office railed against him and the far right and the middle right railed against him and anyone who fancied themselves a blitheringly chauvinistic patriotic type here in America thought that it was sinful to disrespect the national anthem as opposed to embracing the freedom of speech and freedom of expression that allows us to essentially protest things in our own country to oppose certain ideas, to question things on the authoritarian level, but people went crazy. Actually I was surprised by the number of people who didn't go crazy. I'm surprised by the number of fellow teammates and as you said members of the NFL who joined him and how it's spread. Well that was heartening in a way. I love America. I am an American born and bred. I believe in our system. I believe in the country. At least I try to considering what's been happening lately. But the truth of it is that I don't take any... I don't think that standing for the anthem or singing along denotes any great patriotism. It's what you do with your life and how you treat your fellow American and fellow human being that is the true judge of your character. So I found it really disingenuous for all these winers and haters, people who truly are the sort of folks that Kaepernick is protesting against all those guys were yelling how disrespectful it was and I mean the Supreme Court didn't they already throw out the flag burning as a felony or whatever it was. So I think kneeling during the national anthem or refusing to sing the national anthem, that's peanuts man. So anyway the reason it's fresh in my mind at the moment is I just encountered this interesting piece of information. John Mara and by the way it does have a connection to movies and TV and show business. John Mara who basically is the owner and I believe the son, maybe the grandson of Wellington Mara, longtime New York football giants owner-operator. John Mara says he would not even think of signing the currently out of the league Colin Kaepernick who by the way again statistically had a good season in the previous National Football League season and can't get a job. And Roger Goodell who was the head of the NFL has said this is due to football issues not political issues. Well John Mara just came out and said he would not sign the guy before he even considered it. He got letter after letter from season ticket holders and fans saying that they would jump ship on the giants if he would ever sign this vile, traitorous Colin Kaepernick to a football contract in the coming season. And I just was sort of dumbstruck about this. Oddly enough the only team that has been sniffing around the guy right now, the Seattle Seahawks, the 49ers long time rivals who have a quarterback who plays a style similar to Kaepernick and people have long compared Russell Wilson and Kaepernick particularly when the two of them were the quarterbacks in one first Kaepernick and then Wilson in Super Bowls a few years back. And of course Wilson won his Super Bowl, Kaepernick did not and there their careers diverged. But I find it amazing that Mara has gone on record now to say oh no our fans would not like this so I would not even think of doing this. Blind patriotic bull makes me crazy and I will just say that John Mara is I believe the father of actress Kate Mara and her sister actress Rooney Mara who are also the grandchildren of long time Pittsburgh Steelers owner Art Rooney and the Rooney family. So there's a weird connection here and by the way Kate Mara in a very interesting Middle Eastern war zone film coming up soon that we will review at some point but you know she's good but I mean wow I mean wow all I'm saying is wow what do you do about something like this? Well I think 30 years from now Colin Kaepernick will look back and be proud of what he did as long as he no longer plays football because if he continues to play football he won't remember what he did. You've been sitting and waiting to see this. Yes I have been and I stumbled through. I'm sorry I took so long to allow you. We're up against the clock here. Michael Snyder is our resident film critic. We'll talk to you next week. Thank you sir. Yep.