 J-H-E-L-L-O The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Grounded in Galveston. To describe Jell-O, ladies and gentlemen, would be to say it's a dessert that makes everybody sit up and take seconds. Because Jell-O is a grand tempting treat that always looks and tastes like more. The clear glowing colors of Jell-O carry a rich invitation of promise of rare delight. And it's a promise that's always fulfilled by Jell-O's swell, refreshing flavor. We're sure you like Jell-O, sure that once you try it, you'll want to enjoy it again and again. So start serving Jell-O real soon. Ask your grocer for several packages, choosing any or all of Jell-O's six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. By the way, strawberry and raspberry Jell-O both have a new improved flavor, obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And the result is a rich, unique goodness that's better than ever. Serve Jell-O tomorrow, friends, and discover for yourself why Jell-O is America's favorite gelatin dessert. A few minutes ago, where is he? He just went in the other room to talk to his riders. Oh boy, is Jack burned up? Well, them two guys get away with murder. They never have a program writ till the last minute. Come in and see what's happening. Gee, he's always having trouble with his riders. Now look, fellas, if I told you once, I told you five times. You gotta have the program written before we go on the air. Every week we just barely make it now today. Look what happens. No script at all. Well, what are you worried about? Yeah, it's only Saturday. It's not Saturday, it's Sunday. And there's no excuse for you guys not knowing it. I gave both of you calendars for Christmas. I knew this would happen someday. But we were stuck this week. We didn't have no inspiration. Oh, you didn't. Mother said there'd be weeks like this. Well, tell your mother that I'm paying you to work. You're working for me. That's another thing. We want more money. Well, you certainly picked the right time to ask me. You're getting plenty now. Why do you want more money? We want to get a room tonight. Fine team of writers I've got. I've been looking for you all week. Where were you? Palm Springs. You're not supposed to be in Palm Springs. You're supposed to be here with me. Come on, Jack. We're waiting for you. Be there in a minute. Now look, fellas. Hey, who's the name? That's Mary Livingston. She's on the program. You've met her at least 400 times. Oh, yeah. That's the girl we write for, Eddie. You're Eddie. I'm Bill. I'm Jack Benny. Glad to know you. Now listen, fellas. Jack, you better hurry up. Let those two dreamboats alone. I told you, Mary. I'll be there in a minute. OK. And stop whistling at him. Yeah, so I'm going out and do the best I can. Meanwhile, you stay right here and prepare some kind of a play for us. OK. Say, how about a murder mystery? A murder mystery? You know, where a guy comes home and finds his wife in the arms of another man. Door opens. Now I got you. Hey, Julius, what are you doing here? You know what I'm doing here. I didn't go to Scranton at all. Julius, Julius, put down that gun. Anything just so we can have a program. Now bring it in as soon as possible. OK. Give me the pencil, Eddie. You got it. Bill, I gave it to you yesterday. Oh, no. I gave it back to you. Yeah, but after that, I believe. Here, you, for heaven's sake, get started. Now go to work. I don't know, guys. They go to Palm Springs, and I have no broadcast. What's the matter, Jack? You having trouble with your writers again? Yeah. Down every week, they're getting lazier. And now tonight, no material at all. Well, why don't you fire them, Jack? They can't. He dug up a photograph of Jack when he was in third grade. Well, what's wrong with that? He was the only kid with a handlebar moustache. Oh, it was just fuzz. You could hardly see it. Anyway, that picture has nothing to do with my writers. If this ever happens again, I will fire them. What are you worrying about, Jackson? If you ever get stuck for material, I'll be glad to let you have my author. Your author? Yeah, the guy that writes all that funny stuff for me is the Wilshire Bowl. Oh, fine. Bill, you're always bragging about your writer. I've been to the bowl a thousand times, and I've never seen them. Who do you think parks your car? Oh, so that's your gag man. Well, the next time he points at my Maxwell and says, didn't I see that in the grapes of wrath, I'm going to run right over. Say, Dennis. Yes, please. There's one guy who doesn't have to worry about material. Script or no script, he comes through with his yes, please. Well, Dennis, as long as we're stuck here, how about having your song right away? Why don't you and I at live a little, two and fro? All right, Dennis, I'll start it. Who was that lady I seen you're walking down the street with? Yes, seen. That's some ad-living. I think you better sing, Dennis. At least it'll be better than having. Come in. Special delivery for Mary Livingston. Right here, boy. Give him a tip, Jack. Here you are, buddy. Say, you're rather old for a messenger boy, aren't you? You're a little late for Betty Gravel yourself, bub. I had to give him a 50 cent tip. You gave him a dime. I gave him a quarter. I know what I gave him. Who's the letter from, Mary? It's from my mother in Plainfield. Well, it's the one time I'm glad to hear from the old lady. Yes, sir. What you got to say, Mary? Listen to this. My darling daughter, Mary, just a few lines to say hello and thank you for the small check you sent me for Christmas. It looked like a refund from the gas company. Boy, is she mercenary. By the way, Mary, we have a new address now. We had to move from the old house on Elm Street as the landlord is not nuts about your sister anymore. I thought your sister was all set to marry the landlord. Yeah, she was a chump to put on that bathing suit. She should have thought of that. We had quite a time moving the furniture. Your brother, Hillard, tied the piano to your grandfather to keep it from bouncing off the truck. But it bounced off anyway. That was a brilliant idea. You should have seen your grandfather. He looked just like a toothpaste ad with those white teeth sticking out of his mouth. More things happen with your family. Your father likes the new house much better than the old one as it has swinging doors. Oh, my goodness, they moved into a saloon. Let's tell you about New Year's Eve. The whole family went to the- Mary, we've had enough of that letter. How about a song, Dennis? OK. The whole family went to the midnight show of Jack's new picture. Mary, we've had enough of it. Oh, hold it, Dennis. What was that, Mary? The whole family went to the midnight show of Jack's new picture, Love Thy Neighbor. Well. We weren't in the theater 10 minutes when your uncle Lou was thrown out for taking the title seriously. He's just the type. And no more news, so we'll close with love to all from your mother, Sugarfoot Livingston. Sugarfoot, I wish she had a program so I could write her a letter. Let's have your song, Dennis. I'm going out and see how my writers are coming along. If they're stalling, oh, it's a good title for a murder mystery, but where's the play? Well, we got a lot of good- Come out, I gave you a pencil. Yeah, but there ain't no lead in it. Now, give me that pencil. Look, fellas, you turn this little knob here and out comes the lead. It's an automatic pencil. Bill, you turn this knob and the lead comes out. Say, that's good. Let me turn it. No, I won't. Now, a piece of paper and push it a little. Now, please write that mystery play, will you, fellas? OK. Boy, if I ever get my hands on that picture, I'll fire them so fast they won't know what hit them. Well, Don, it'll be a few more minutes yet. Yeah, what do we do? I don't know what to talk about. Me neither. Gee, there must be something we can mule over. Mule? Now, the $10, he means mull. No, mule. Let's kick some dialogue. Jackson, why don't you hire me for a writer? Because I hired you once for a band leader, got gypped, and I'm disillusioned. No, I guess we'll just have to stall around till my boys get that play written. Gee, if this was television, you could take your teeth out and make like Popeye. Very funny. Remember when you dropped them at the hockey game in New York and the Rangers made a goal with them? Not in my teeth. That was my cigarette case. Well, it sure snaps open. All right, there's no use trying to keep this up. I'm going to see if my writers have got any. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Rochester, I can't talk to you now. Well, it's very important, boy. Oh, he's just a little odd. What's he done now? Oh, you mean that robot? Yeah, remember, you said it would never be for a robot doing in the kitchen. Now, Rochester, this is no time for joking. I don't want that big mechanical thing roaming around my house. Aren't there any buttons to control it? Yeah, there's a second one. He picks you up. I see. What happened when you pressed the third button? Well, watch out. That thing is dangerous. Well, there must be some way to shut it off. Now, look, Rochester, I'll be home right after the broadcast. In the meantime, don't go near the kitchen. I'm calling from San Diego. I thought that mechanical man would work. Well, I guess I'll have to raise Mr. Billings' lease rent. He's got a roommate now. A play something, Phil. I'm going in and beat the gaggs out of my writer. Gangster would say Moiterer. I'm not a gangster. I'm a police captain. Read your own script. I'm for our play. So I'll take what you've got and bring the rest in as soon as you can. Give me those pages. Please give me those pages on the installment plan. Well, I'll just look, Jack. Are we going to do a play tonight? Yes, but we'll have to do it without a rehearsal. Here are your parts, kids. Now, let's see. I'm going to be Captain O'Benney of Police Headquarters. And Dennis, you will be my assistant, Sergeant O'Day. Oh, thanks. Oh, welcome. Now, Mary, you're going to be the widow, Mrs. J. Malcolm Smith. The widow? Yes, your husband has been killed, leaving you $3 million in a state on Long Island and a yacht. And you're all broken up. Why, is it the yacht leak? No, you loved your husband. Now, let's see. Phil, you'll be the family physician. And Don, you're going to be the bugler. Bugler? Oh, they must mean butler. You're the butler, Don. Well, so much for casting. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the feature attraction this evening, the Benny, when we act, you better act like you enjoy it, players, will present an original mystery drama and title, The Murder of Malcolm Smith. Or, although he wasn't drafted, he was drilled. Say, that's not a bad title. I think I'll get the boys a room tonight. Well, let's go, fellas. The opening scene is the office of Detective Captain O'Benney at Police Headquarters. Curtain, music. Hey, Sergeant O'Day. Yes, cop? That's cap. You answer the burglar alarm at the Acme Lumber Company? Yes, sir. Well, were there any suspicious characters around? No, the furniture movers told me they hadn't seen anybody. Furniture movers? Yeah, two fellas were the safe. Those were the burglar. No matter with you, anyway. I'll take it. Hello, Police Headquarters. Hello, this is Mrs. J. Malcolm Smith. I've been J. Malcolm Smith, wealthy stockbroker of New York, Palm Beach, Miami, aired of the millions left by his father, has been killed. That's shocking news, Mrs. Smith. Are you sure your husband is dead? We'll be there in five minutes. Goodbye. What's up, Chief? Wait till I hang up. J. Malcolm Smith, the stockbroker, has been murdered. What's the J for? Jazz bow. He sold neckties on the side. Come on, let's get going. This is an important case, Sergeant O'Day. And we're going to find the murderer of J. Malcolm Smith or nothing. We're all out of script. Hey, fellas, hurry up with the rest of this, will you? Play something, Phil. We'll even finish the sentence. Hold it, Phil. There's a few more pages, Jack. Thanks. Now go back and get to work. We got a union. We're going out to eat. Not until you finish the script. OK, blue eyes. Even my writers notice them. Now let's see. Oh, yes. This is an important case, Sergeant O'Day. And we're going to find the murderer of J. Malcolm Smith or my name ain't Captain O'Benney. Heck, I could have thought of that myself. Let's go, Malcolm Smith. Yeah, Jim. She's in the library this way, sir. Come along, O'Day. You stick with me and make notes. How do you get the lead out of this pencil? Look, you turn this little knob and out comes the lead. You're as bad as Sambo and Tambo. Pardon me, are you Mrs. J. Malcolm Smith? Yes, Captain. Tell me what you know about the murder of your husband. Well, we were sitting here in the library listening to the radio. When all of a sudden, I turned around and there was my husband on the floor. Did you hear any shots? Not one. You're listening to the radio with your husband. Five gunshots ring out and you don't hear them. How do you explain that? Still, Harris' band was broadcasting. Make a note of that, O'Day. Oh, cop, K. Oh, cop, cop. OK, Coupe. That's OK. There's nothing to it. Your husband didn't you. You hated him. No. Then why aren't you crying? The doctor told me to cut out Saul. You killed your husband and I know why. You murdered your husband because, because. Oh, fine. We're stuck again. Boy, some more pages. Here you are, Speedy. Let's see here. Oh, yes. Now listen, Mrs. Smith, you murdered your husband because there's another man in the cage. Now tell me, who's your lover? Who is he? Hello, darling. Hello, dear. Uh-huh, the other man. What's your name? My card, sir. Dr. Philo Q. Harrison. What's the Q for? Quack, what else? Now listen, Harrison, I don't think you're a doctor at all. Where did you study medicine? Madison, Wisconsin. Malcolm, clean you. You're this woman's sweetheart, aren't you? Why, that's ridiculous. Preposterous. Incredifant. Fatifo. Foodifant. Relatable for the murder of J. Malcolm Smith. And you're under arrest. You can't arrest us. You can't prove that we did it. Oh, yes, I can. I know your motive. You killed Mr. Smith because. Finish of this thrilling murder mystery. Why don't you run down to your neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of jello. And if you would like a copy of Jello's wonderful new calendar of desserts recipe book, just send a dime, 10 cents, to Don Wilson Battle Creek, Michigan, and be sure to do it today. Hey, fellas, we're stuck again. Here you are, sugarfoot. All right, let's finish this. I know your motive, Dr. Harrison. You killed Mr. Smith because you're in love with his wife. That's the truth now, isn't it? No. No, I didn't do it. I didn't kill him. Oh, yes you did. You're killing a murder, Harrison, murder. And you're going to hang for it. All right. I'll confess. I did it. I killed him. I killed him because I hated him. And I'm glad he said you understand. New recipe book, the calendar of desserts, do so real soon. It's a beautiful-looking book that you'll find a pleasure to own. And let me show you how downright convenient it is to use. Suppose, for example, that you're trying to think of an idea for tomorrow night's dessert. With this new recipe book, you'd simply open it to the page that contains dessert suggestions for January. And there, on the January 13th, you would read about a delightful jello treat called Raspberry Charlotte, a combination of luscious raspberry jam and rich crimson raspberry jello. It's all there is to it. You simply name the date, and this clever book suggests the dessert. There are 365 dessert ideas in this swell book, a different one for every day in the year, including all kinds of pastries, puddings, cakes, and cookies, and many, many desserts made with bright, shimmering jello. So send for your copy now. Mail $0.10, just $0.10 in coin or stamps to Don Wilson, care of General Foods Battle Creek, Michigan. Do it tonight. We will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Say, boys, this play turned out all right, but next week, will you please try and have the program ready before we go on the air? Okay. Hello, ma. Well, what can I do? Good night, folks.