 So today we're going to talk about increasing your value and feeling respected in a relationship. So I have a question for you, Marie Of course you do. I always do. So have you ever Known some friends who you've noticed were feeling dis we're being Disrespected by a man they were in a relationship with or not valued. Yes Okay, what do you think that felt like for them? Well, a lot of times people are just in it and they don't it's the people on the outside that can see Okay. All right, that's good. I want to hear more Well, you know, like I had a friend that was Dating a guy that was just not a good guy and not good to her, but she wouldn't see it She would say oh, that's because there's other people around but it's when it's just him and I and it's like well When there's other people around this when he's disrespecting you, you know It's interesting early just a few minutes before we jumped on tonight I was listening to a podcast where there was a Woman had called into a radio show and she was talking about her three-month relationship And she goes well, it's kind of an on-and-off kind of relationship, you know, we fight we fight But there's good times we fight. There's good times. Well the guy and so they the radio show called the guy and Asked him about and she goes he started to express how difficult of a person He was in relationship with and not that this directly relates to our conversation today I thought to myself if you're in a three-month relationship and there's already problems That's going to be indicative of problems in the future So I think starting with respect starting from a place of feeling valued is critically important in romantic relationship So our topic today is the five ways to increase your value with men and get them to respect you Now I want to be candid with you everyone. I actually got this title from a contemporary of mine His name is Elliott Scott. He's known as the no BS dating coach younger guy Actually, his title was five ways to instantly increase your value so I want to go through his five bullet points and talk about it a little bit and then share What I believe really in create increases a person's value and how they feel respected in a relationship all right, so his first one talked about time and He was expressing how when a man is Inconsistent in the early stage of dating is to simply in other words He calls you he says he's gonna call you or he says he's gonna call you, but he doesn't call you He doesn't make plans with you. He's inconsistent with time now. His method to gain respect is to just cut the person off Wait the guy's cutting the girl off. Well, no the girl just cuts the guy off Okay, I am like well, I don't know how that gains anyone's respect now Certainly, it's self-respect you gain when you don't put up with flaky behavior Yeah, all right. Have you ever talked about this before have you experienced guys who have been flaky? Oh, of course everybody has and me I don't I just don't put up with that You don't put up with it. So it's really not really gaining the guy's respect It's really gaining your own respect. No at that point. I've already written them off. Okay. Yeah, so but there's certainly situations where a person might Make a plan have to cancel and it's there's the it might happen infrequently. It's really the consistency What gains I think individual respect is to not put up with that crap like what you said am I right, right? Okay I don't think anybody should put up with stuff like that. Yeah Women I just someone that's disrespectful and just doesn't doesn't they're not giving a hundred percent Then why you know what all right? So I'm gonna go down a rabbit hole since you just opened that door And let me share with you why I think there's such a lack of Respect in the dating process today. I Think so and you know why I think it happens Why because people are hiding behind a phone a computer whatever they're hiding behind their keyboard And so you there you don't know if it's a real person even if it's a guy or if it's a girl They could be catfished, right exactly So there's such it's almost inherently built in To the the online process where you can actually be you can Disrespect a person with no consequences Yeah, that's too bad. That's no and and I and I want to incur listen I know everyone who watches my channel I hope treats men with respect and my desire is for all the men to treat you with respect so Quickly coming back to Marie's point of view if a man does it right from the get-go treat you with respect The best thing you can do for yourself the self-respecting thing to do to value yourself is to cut that person off Yeah, okay All right, the next the number two thing he shared was Framing the type of relationship you seek he called it framing the type of relationship you see now What I think he meant was like I always talked about the type of relationship. I was looking for Provided someone lived around the corner from me was I was looking for a relationship where we spent three or four days And nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that laid steed They're moving in together getting married. That was the relationship. I saw it Which now I know if you encompassed it you would probably say that's just a fully committed relationship the easy, right? So what did your online dating profile say? It said that I wanted a Committed really long-term committed relationship that would lead to mutual trust and admiration Okay, so kind of a little bit of yeah So but but did you clearly state that you want a long term committed relationship? Yes, okay? So coming back to I think this is a really good starting point. I Was watching another youtuber Talking to interviewing a woman. He said do you want a casual relationship or get married? Basically gave her the option you want a casual relationship or get no Do you want to date have a casual relationship or get married and I thought to myself? Well dating is the process of getting to know someone so we all have to date Okay, the question is if you go in only seeking a casual relationship It really leaves the door open for someone to I'm gonna Sorry, I'm gonna say the terms use you or at least spend time with you without any real clear desire for commitment when You don't start from a place of I want something serious Well that the other line ahead of my profile was a genuine desire for love like a genuine desire to fall in love Okay, so well to some degree though, I would say as your dating coach that's still a little bit ambiguous. I Mean well, I'm saying for men. It's better to be crystal clear I want a serious relationship that's like I said either move in together get married something that's concrete Well to me that was pretty concrete Okay, well love can but you can love someone and then not look how many people love you and desire to fall in love, okay? Again, I'm not mean to be basically what I wanted was someone that is I'm not the hookup type I don't want to waste time and and I always said that you know, I don't want to waste your time or mine Yeah, so well, but the thing is to some degree that again the online dating world is Inherently set up for people that will waste your time. The real trick is weeding out the looky lose, right? And you were a master at weeding out We're gonna talk about that a little bit more, okay number three he says Staying in your feminine is the secret to gaining a man's respect Okay, what the heck is that? Good question. What does that mean? What does that mean being in your feminine to me? I'm just me. Yeah, okay? I'm just me, okay, and I would expect him to be just him. I don't want him to To be a leader and all I know you're just getting to know each other I don't care about his leadership skills I I want to know that kind of person he is His character so but do you want a guy? All right, but to some degree most women do want men to lead the process Okay, we see I'm okay, you know, I'm not a fan of masculine and feminine energy I like just personhood, you know, just like what you're saying just be me I'm a big believer that men and women alike should make effort in the process of getting to know one another However, that effort looks it's mutual effort, right. It's teamwork because Okay, if I'm looking for a life partner, I don't want him to Lead I want it to be an equal Equal effort. Yeah mutual mutual effort Well, if he because that's how you find out if you guys are even going to be a match Yeah, so if he's leading the boss that gives him an opportunity Well, some men are very controlling in their leading process But also this idea of feminine feminine energy can be construed as being submissive a doormat I'd sort of think so coming back to this Coaches point about being in your feminine. I actually think there's a different. I'd like to replace his Perspective on this which I think well men will appreciate and women will appreciate as well is a person who has an agreeable personality without being a doormat But what's agreeable to one person? Okay, isn't agreeable to another Give me an example of that. Well, I think like you say that I have an agreeable chill personality Well, a lot of women think they're agreeable and chill and then the guy thinks that she's oh too much masculine energy Okay, well, we were talking about you said something earlier that okay I'm a big proponent of two givers to be in a relationship. Okay 20 problems as to does it is that what he says Okay, so two givers to be in a relationship. I think having an agreeable personality I once was dated a woman who like if I said let's go to this restaurant. She's like no, it's not gluten-free It's not, you know, like it's like it's too loud and I speak another restaurant And there was a problem with that I picked another place. It was always I could never pick a place to make her happy She didn't have an agreeable personality. I actually value women and respect women who can go with the flow It's not a big deal. They're not making it a life or death type of thing If the menu didn't have like, you know, non-gluten in it and by the way, every menu has some non-gluten in it You know type of thing, but I think some women inherently can be difficult and that's not a that's not something a person like myself Will value in another person? Well to me it's all part of just I mean when you go out with your friends It's you kind of come to an agreement. Yeah, you know, you're not always gonna get the place you want everything You just brought up a good point when you were with your friends. You probably are more agreeable It's those in the spaces of dating and I'm not saying this is all women But there are a significant percentage of women who can be very entitled and they act disagreeable because they want things their way Because they're the princess they're the prize type of thing. All right, so anyway I'm just gonna hear to say that difficult people combative people Entitled people whether it's a man or woman do not garner much respect in the dating process. Oh By the way, don't forget you talked about Agreeable we were talking about the the drama people. Oh Yeah, talk about that for a second. So, you know, like some like mental complain that women are, you know This way or that way or pain in butt, whatever, but some men thrive on drama just like women I I know someone personally that was a very strong Strong man and yet he's with somebody that every day is a new piece of drama. I Know a friend like that and he still stays with her So I to me can't imagine that's a really healthy relationship No, so do they respect each other? You know, I wonder I wonder if that I think he's afraid of her Okay, so so all right, that's a good point, you know, can you respect someone that you're afraid of probably not? No, but then what but if I'm there and why does she respect him? Yeah, so anyway, let's go down this list. Um speaking of leading This coach says if he doesn't lead leave him Okay, this comes back to where we're just talking about before so this coach says if the guy isn't leading leave him So what's your take on that? It depends leading can be controlling Exactly. I don't want to be with a dude. That's controlling. Yeah So I'm coming back to what we talked about effort I'm a big proponent men make effort women make effort when you get to know someone when you're mutually making effort in the process So it's not waiting for the guy to call you can pick up the phone and call It's like you haven't heard from a guy in a couple days You can simply say hey, would you like to go out for a drink and connect and see how he responds? It's not a big deal to make effort when you're constantly in this see a lot of the dating coaches narratives are all about the men Must do all the effort and then they're frustrated because guys aren't making the effort Well, maybe guys want to see if you're willing to make some effort too Yeah, you made effort with me I did right from the very get-go and I respected you for it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it Yeah, you know, that's the problem when we I'm sorry go ahead. No, I I didn't think there was anything wrong with it because I just You know, you feel comfortable. I think it might have been you know I'm comfortable in my own skin that you know if he would have said no, you know what I thought about it I'm not interested. I say, okay, great. Thanks for letting me know. I have a nice day. Yeah, no The worst-case scenario is not a big deal Exactly, you know, I think exactly it's not a big deal. By the way, one of the people watching says go Go about it as a team give and take. I Preferred Yeah, it's give and give and also the capacity to receive You know a lot of people believe or not a lot of you ladies out there. You're not really good at receiving either I think even receiving compliments I had a girlfriend that I was there. She was getting this wonderful compliment and she's like, oh, no, stop stop I'm like, no, you just say thank you That's all you have to say Well, you sometimes have a hard time receiving my thank in my compliments. Well, because you go overboard Well, I'm very expressive anyway, so but I'm just to go back to the point I'm not big you know just a reframe to givers giving and giving and giving receiving It's not taking because the thing is a lot of people see I think a lot of men and women enter into the dating process Thinking what can I get from this? It's more a really healthy relationship is what can I give to the relationship? I think we both operate from that perspective. We we're constantly giving to one another It's little things like it's even just making, you know coffee in the morning or something like that I'm bringing up my water. I brought up her water, you know and and just being mindful of that when you're with a giver Relationships are so much better. So it's not about who takes the lead It's about in my opinion is to people making mutual effort and the fifth thing he shared was What oh now I thought this one I didn't tell you what he wrote down He said what are the benefits to the man to be in the kind of relationship you desire? What are the benefits so it's like selling me on what? Okay, Sophia Regera No, there's it's got to be a mutually beneficial beneficial Arrangement, you know so I like even though I'm not a fan of this per se I like the idea of what's the benefit of being in a relationship with like what I think in what sense is What's what's the benefit of being in a relationship with me? Well, this is how I show up in relationship now This is something we have to prove over time. It's not something you can just simply blur it out because you can say I'm great in relationship and turn out to be a nightmare, right? Yeah, but I think the idea is by by sharing the benefits to a man of what the benefit is to Him to be in a healthy relationship He gets to make the decision or not whether or not he wants to be in relationship with this person That makes sense It does but this is something that that you figure out as you're getting to know each other Yeah, like, you know, there are many people that I met and I and I thought within 30 seconds This is just a shallow person And so I wasn't gonna invest in that So so You know, sometimes we can read people sometimes we can misread people I've made the mistake of making judgments too quickly, but I think when we begin to learn to trust our intuition we make we make these Judgments if we're it will based on past experience, we could be wrong But we also if we learn to really trust our gut We're gonna we're gonna experience more Better experiences than when we go against our gut That feel true it does most of the time when I haven't twisted my gut. Yeah, you think back on and say I should have I should have trusted I Know oftentimes when I make a quick decision, I never get to find out to prove my gut was right But I'd like to think you know, it is right so coming back to his points, you know, I didn't really okay So let me just share something with everyone Most of what I thought he shared was more most about self-respect Okay, which I'm a big proponent of having self-respect I think one of the best ways to garner someone's respect is to be in your empowerment Okay, one of the things I most appreciate about you is if you are a woman who just shows up in your power Now, how do I know this? Well, she wasn't giving her power away I think when women give their power away in the dating process, we immediately lose respect Well, I see a lot of women That you know, I met through girlfriends of girlfriends come and I noticed that a lot of them They get this date with this great-looking guy and oh my god. He's a lawyer and he's at this He's that yeah, and then I would ask is he a nice guy. I don't know But he's a lawyer and and she drives a nice car He's got a great body But is he is he a good guy or is it she felt that she was Special because he was asking her out and I'm like, well, wait a minute. What are you? And so that's where I think they give away their power that they think this guy is the prize Okay, so you're the prize you get it you get to do what works for you It doesn't matter what car he drives or you know, all that superficial stuff is meaningless. Well, so So in the red pill community, I know you're not familiar with this There's this narrative that say, you know women are more hyper focused on a man's success Then who he is as a person and I think to some degree. That's true You know, I think I would think you'd prefer to date someone who's got his act together than a bum Okay, no disrespect to bums about there. There's there's nothing wrong with that. Okay to do the sign But my point is Certainly there's an attraction to success but when you abandon yourself in that obtaining of it in other words or Overvaluing someone based on their success. We're a society that overvalues success and undervalues the Undervalue when I say I was about to say undervalues character But what I mean to say is they've so overvalued Success that they don't actually spend time Investigating if the person has good character. Does that make sense? Well, that was for me. That was the number one thing like I didn't care like I said what you drove or So many success there are so many successful men out there But some of them are jerks. Yeah, they're just jerks and who cares what their success is Who cares that they drive a Lamborghini or whatever if they're not a good person Why would you want to waste your time so that you can just be his sidekick and sit in a nice car? And and then there everything is about show show show and then you become part of that show Well, we're kind of in there inherently becoming a society of all It's all about me with Instagram and social media and that sort of thing so it's kind of built into the fabric of our culture these days to hyper focus on Material things and not the most important things in relationships are coming back to putting a bow on all this women giving their power away whether it's Seeking success out of a person and overvaluing that or making the relationship all based on the other person's terms Or freaking out when that person doesn't call you that's all giving your power away to another person Okay, the best thing you can do for yourself I think you're a master. We're a master at this is being detached to the outcome and Truly evaluate the person's character as the most important criteria To observe along with okay. Is he attract are you attracted to him? Does he have his act together? I agree, okay One last thing to get Garner a guy's respect. I'm gonna leave on this note Men like to be a woman's hero so a really great way to be a Like men to be the hero is when you invite his opinion or ask his advice on Something that's going on in your life Men love actually solving problems and when we can solve a problem for a woman We feel like a hero and we actually begin to respect you more now Some men might view this as problematic. Those are men that oftentimes have real issues certainly probably Have some issues that are probably don't make them to be a good partner in relationship But a hot a man emotionally mature man appreciates a woman who asks his opinion Okay, okay, which you do often Okay, so anyway, I just every time a lot of women will vent and they don't want him to solve the problem No, that's no, that's we're at good point So I want to differentiate when you invite say hey, you know Jonathan I'd really like to get your opinion on something. Do you have a second that actually makes me stand up and say wow I can be your hero in this moment. I can solve a problem for you versus venting. Yes We we men we're not if you're gonna vent to us simply say hey listen I need to bomb it or I need to just unload the basket So just listen prepare us and just let us know that all we have to do is not our head when you're done All right We just shared the five ways to increase your value and get a man to respect you again I was sharing what another coach has shared Elliot Scott on his channel and I thought I'd give you my take on it All right, I think it's time for Q&A Okay, all right for those that know our format if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little chat sign or a little dollar sign in the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Connor as they he's my son who passed away five years ago That's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt And that's his brother right next to him the one I went out to breakfast with the other day for Father's Day In Connor's honor, I donate to we donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and seeds of love It's an orphanage for children with cancer that have been abandoned by their parents and my cousin goes there She has also mission trips to go out there and Columbia to Columbia. It's in Cali, Columbia So we're gonna be donate so make sure you donate by purchasing a super sticker super chat or if you're watching you replay a super Thanks. All right, let's see what we've got here so far Ah Actually Wanda wants to just point out I watch Elliot Scott as well y'all both are teaching me how to stand up for myself and get rid of jerks Amen, that's why I watched him. He seemed like an interesting Character I say the word character gentlemen. All right, Melinda Regarding Princess drama queen. I'm dating someone with a teenage daughter I'm wondering if he is spoiling her and maybe no room for a woman in his life How can I assess this carefully? All right, wait a minute. I want to read this one more time I've got a man who's got Daughter who could be a drama queen who he's spoiling. How can I assess this carefully Marie? I want you to field this question Okay It depends on how old the daughter is as well, but a lot of men have What do you call it covert incest emotional emotional incest which their daughter has become Almost like the wife where they you know, they're so close and she's a daddy's girl princess and stuff. I Would be very careful with that because I'm gonna tell you I Experience something like that and it's really difficult because you are never if you think you're gonna compete with the daughter It's never gonna happen The daughter will always come first unless he is the kind of man that gives you Their place your place The daughter needs to understand what your place is and if he doesn't do that then it's never it's never gonna work You're never gonna feel fulfilled or I would I wouldn't be fulfilled in that So this is really you complete. I am okay So this is actually a great question Melinda So here's the tricky part you might Witness him being a good dad to his daughter at first and you're thinking wow. He's a good dad. He's attentive He gives her time Which is all good things every parent should be attentive and give time to their children So you have to be careful in these dynamics because at first you might think he's a good father What ends up happening is and this is where it's difficult to determine if it's covert incest Or emotional incest and can someone write this in the chat box Covert incest emotional incest what this means is there's a strong as marija said a strong attachment To their child where literally the child becomes a surrogate Spouse to them in a way an emotional support person and that can happen the other way around too So a lot of women it's more common with mothers and sons. Oh my god. I went out with a woman I swear I thought her even her photographs on her Match.com profile with with her and her son and I thought it was husband and wife the way I mean literally how close they were to one another um, so it's difficult to spot but just recognize that It's it's common. It's certainly common And I would ask really good question like what kind of question do you think you would ask someone to determine how What your standing would be in a relationship early on like do you have an idea what you would say? I think that's really difficult, but um, what you Can ask is questions about the dynamic of their relationship and how long has he been divorced and there when The daughter or how many? Relationships he's had that the daughter has met Oh, that's a good one. This girl did not want to meet me for a very long time and then became a nightmare And I at first I thought oh because she's a teenager Oh this and then in the end it no it's just she was going to do everything in her power To make sure this didn't work So a couple things that come to mind. I'd say a if it's an only child That's a possible red flag If they have three daughters, it's probably a different dynamic although daughters can be very manipulative with their fathers I don't think it works the same. I don't think boys are Is generally as manipulative with their mothers the way daughters can be with fathers in the dating realm Yeah, that's true But but I think it's the in the other way around the women are the ones that are are so into their Sun. Yes, exactly. It really pushes a lot of men away. Oh, I've had that happen So when once I had that happen, I was really gun shy dating a woman who had a single son You know, I mean just just I was observant of it So then I made it easy on myself. I chose a woman who had four children And now she has five grandchildren And then there's a friend of mine that she has three children and when she met her her significant relationship She was kind of like, oh, you know, this guy has four daughters And I was I was the one that said, you know, steer clear of that But they have a wonderful relationship. They've been together over seven years. Are you talking about tim? Yeah, oh, he has four daughters. Yes. Okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. Okay So well, some men who have daughters actually become better at understanding women because of their daughters So these are really tricky ones. I think this was a great question. Melinda. Hope we gave you some value at it Certainly pay attention right from the gecko because that can give you a clue of what direction this might head So melinda, thanks so much for that question All right, let's see. What else we have here if you have a question right the word question wander wrote earlier Should I say anything to him and then he's wait Should I say anything to him and then he says he does not know what I'm talking about I didn't expect anything to happen. It was shocking to feel tingles from someone who just wants friends Okay, um wander jumps on these uh, I think you have a you have a narrative that's going on wander Where there's this male friend of yours that you desire This is just my interpretation based on your many comments There's a male friend of yours. You desire something from him and he's not making a move Well, listen, okay, if you desired someone and he wasn't making a move, what would you do? Well, it would depend you have to respect boundaries too. And if if he's just a friend um I would respect that boundary But if you really like them and if you don't know What they feel I would just come right out and say look i'm struggling with this because I love hanging out with you I love going to dinner with you I love doing this that and the other and I I feel like I'm developing feelings for you and if you're not feeling the same way then then I need to know I love the way you frame things. You're really good at non-violent communication By the way, there's a book in my bookshelf called non-violent communication by marshal Rosenberg There's a link below to get a copy of all the books. I recommend Um, so I think she's a master at that So anyway, I just wanted to point that Wanda. She just gave you some great advice if you need to write it down go back to replay this it's at the 20s or it's at the 33 minute mark write down what she wrote and then you can recite that All right, let's keep going here Ah let's see Gloria said Marie jonathan said women think they are the prize wait jonathan said women think they are the prize Are showing entitlement he said that more than once Well, I What did you say? No, I've said that I think when you act like uh, I am the prize Well, then there's this kind of I'm there can be an attitude I am the prize you have to climb to the highest tall, you know Tallest tower the highest room to get me. I I think to value yourself is hugely important. Okay When you overvalue yourself and make yourself better than others that's entitlement in my opinion That's what I was going to say. That's the problem. I mean you My point in saying that is that you are the prize not the guy that drives fancy car and all that No, you have to value yourself. So when you go into that you're it's it's a state of mind that And don't be attached to an outcome say you really like this guy Well, if you if you don't value yourself, it's going to come through And a guy like that is probably arrogant and if he's not arrogant, he's going to be you know selected Let's face it. He's got options So you have to be the best version of yourself. Hmm the best version of yourself. I'm reminded of that I'm not sure if Marilyn Monroe actually said this quote She said something to the fact if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best Well, what if you're worse is a real bitch, you know, what if you're controlling? What if you're domineering not you, uh, but what if this person is controlling domineering? Do they actually deserve? See, I don't like the idea per se That the attitude i'm the prize that I deserve the best why coming back to me now Well, it can't I think people can adopt that attitude again We said something earlier the best relationships are when two givers show up in a relationship So when you operate from a place of giving without being a doormat and recognize your value And that's what really the prize is is recognizing your value Um, but if you come across with an attitude that I'm better than then that in my opinion, gloria is entitlement I read an article this morning on jaga bore. Oh really? She was married like seven or eight times. Oh, yeah I don't know but She's still alive. No. No, she passed away, but she did outlive her daughter that she had with hilton. Okay other story um, but she was married all these times because she She was very entitled She had an heir of i'm a princess. She finally did marry a prince so she can get the title But was she really happy to go from one relationship to another to another if you're acting like a prize I can't imagine your hat if you're acting in title I can't imagine listen We watched that housewife show a couple times and I mean those and to me those are entitled women and I Oh, we're back. We disappeared for a moment. Sorry about that. All right. Let's keep going here with the questions All right, uh Donna writes, okay I've been called high maintenance many times. I seem to attract controllers that want arm candy I walked away from a controller marie your thoughts She's been called high maintenance. Well What I was called high maintenance not by me Well that I that I appeared to be high maintenance Well, the hills glam. Well, that was a judgment I made based on photographs so there's a difference between being called high maintenance and making an Assumption about you. Excuse me. Um You know what? I am not high maintenance I Some people have have thought that before they met me and I always get the Gosh, you're so different than what I thought you would be So what she says I've been called high maintenance many times I seem to attract controllers that want arm candy So why would she attract a controller who wants arm candy? Well, those are the ones that come on really strong. Okay. So controlling men oftentimes come on strong They're love bombers. They maybe you're choosing men that are like that high status guy. We were talking About men that are highly successful. By the way, you know, just because someone's highly successful that oftentimes um Gives them the belief that they can treat people poorly because of that There's a significant percentage of highly successful men that treat um women as arm candy what that tv shows of the housewives tv show Is all women that act like as all they seem like arm candy. Um But why would you be called high maintenance? It's probably because you're choosing men that you're misaligned with These men that you're choosing men most likely that you're not aligned in values. You're not aligned in lifestyles You're not aligned in your personalities and Okay, let's think of when harry met Sally Another different form of high maintenance remember he called her high maintenance Because the way she orders food and everything so sometimes our neuroses Is misaligned with another person and we can perceive that as being high that or high maintenance Marie might tell you that i'm high maintenance traveling Just because I always have anxiety in other countries. I'm getting better at that By the way, we'll see what happens when we travel next month Or the month after that. So anyway, my suspicion though Is that you're choosing men that you're not aligned with they don't appreciate you for who you are Or you could be choosing a type of man that is inherently controlling And that's why you're choosing men that want arm candy and control you. Okay donna. I hope that helps um Leafs uh wanted to share with everyone what we talked about the daughter can be a Spouse for the dad and the son can be a substitute spouse for the mom Covert incest and emotional incest write that down go google that right now. I highly recommend it all right Let's keep going Hey, we've got a super sticker. Thank you so much for the six dollar 99 cents super sticker I can't even figure out how to pronounce your name, but i'm really appreciative of that and she Talia heavy All right, and you have a question Here jonathan and beautiful marie. Oh, my name is talia. Oh talia Okay, I may split the question into two three chats the situation is a banal a man I've known for 17 years Uh reappeared every year or so with very intense text. Let's keep going. Let's see what she says He then is love bombing plus plus plus then flakes out before we meet and blames me because I never agreed to meet on short notice So I haven't seen him in a few years now. He had multiple relationships plus all right All of them failed and three weeks ago He texted me again after one year with such flaky low investment text asking. How are you hope all as well? I never replied but let's see if there's another one But I but I care to handle this one with class now I appreciate advice on how to do that should I say something at all or ignore it forever I just want to feel I kept my class. Thanks. I'm sorry for the length By the way, it's okay for the length. I really appreciate that. So What would you do? You're the classy one. Um Well, the guy is let me sorry in a row. No, I just want to kind of paraphrase something Yeah, so this is the guy they met 17 years ago. He came on strong. He acted flaky He's had multiple relationships that haven't gone anywhere He checks in with her and then pulls away or he checks in and he wouldn't meet with her at the last minute So he kind of blamed her for that He's Went through another relationship that didn't work out and now he wants to see her again and she's like I don't want to I'm not into you anymore. How do you say that in a classy way? Is she not into him anymore? Yeah, yeah, she said, um, okay So I appreciate your advice. Should I stay or ignore? Um Well, it depends on what you want Do you do you want to explore that and if you do want to explore that I would I would have to set some ground rules and say look, you know, I I don't want to invest time in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere. So Yeah, we could go and meet and and see if this is something that we would want to explore but I don't think I mean you don't have to shume away unless you want to if you don't want him to ever contact you again Say look, I really appreciate you keep coming around but I I don't want to play this game and I'd I'd love to meet you or not But I'm not going to continue this Okay, I have a different point of view I just say move on, you know, I someone who is inconsistent habitually for a long period of time Um, you know, I I think unless this person has done some personal development self-help spiritual work therapy Um, what's going to change? You know, I I suspect his behavior is going to be consistently flaky Even if he engages in a relationship with you, he's obviously has some level of attraction towards you Okay, is that traction based on physical attraction or does he really know you as a person? Okay, if it's physical attraction and most likely all he wants to do is have sex with her You know get his conquest and then move on what? No, you agree. I just think it's funny. Yeah, that could be it I don't know. I mean, I don't know how well they know each other No, so so well they she said they've known each other for 17 or met 17 years ago But my suspicion is they don't have a real solid friendship because you wouldn't treat a friend that way At least I hope you wouldn't treat a friend that way. So listen, I think marie's given some advice to suggest, you know, to Fair it out where he is at my suggestion. Just simply say, you know what? I just don't appreciate the inconsistent behavior and I just want to disengage with this now my suspicion why you won't do that. Okay Because it feels good to be liked Feels good to be wanted it feels good to be wanted and when you're not currently wanted by someone else We oftentimes settle For mediocrity and I mean this is mediocrity at its lowest level We settle for mediocrity because it's better to get a crumb Than to get the whole pie so to speak or at least half the pie I mean, you're not even getting half the pie. You're not even getting quarter of the pie You're just getting some crumbs, you know, can you fill your belly on crumbs? I mean, you can at least have a good meal on a slice of pie Um, you can gorge yourself on a full piece of pie, but at least have you know, don't Just remember you're not going to feel satisfied with crumbs, you know, and it's taken him 17 years. Yeah Anyway, no All right, thanks so much for that one tell you we really appreciate it By the way, roller girl wants to let you know marie has beautiful hair as always. Thank you. Yes indeed When's your next hair appointment? Lisa is in the house. Hey, Lisa Cunningham. Good to see you. Uh, who Who do so many white who do so many people at midlife make negative assumptions and judgment? Is it bitterness? Um All right, let's go back to the judgment I made about you I think living in los angeles. I felt that there were significant There was a kind of look for the entitled woman I think this was based on the tv show It started with the housewives of orange county, but it certainly got more prevalent with the one in beverly hills or what not so I made a judgment about you based on I think because of tv shows and certainly I think in dating I felt I am certainly guilty of being Selfish self-centered and myopic dating. I'm very guilty of that in the beginning stages And I met plenty of women who acted the same way. So after a while men and women It's an it's a natural experience to become a little bit bitter and jaded If you've experienced enough of what you don't want you're almost become you almost expect it to happen Ooh, that was good. Someone write that down if you're expecting what if you've seen enough of what you don't want you're almost You're almost have a preconceived expectation of that I Think that was my perception of you and certainly and I talked to you about it Yeah, I mean I voiced it with you. I didn't say I didn't hide it from you and we talked about it And then I met you and I'm like you're the furthest thing from a spoiled little beverly hills brat Um, by the way, I live in Los Angeles. So I'm throwing beverly hills under the bus Why do people do it? I think when you've been hurt a number of times. It's a natural experience. It doesn't make it right I just think it's a natural experience You ever thought Okay Let's keep going. Thank you both from donna. We really appreciate that donna Uh Lisa wanted to let you know, uh 17 years is a really long time. Tell you exactly Uh, tell you wanted to say dearest mario. I love the sensitivity and gentle way. I appreciate you both Jonathan, I reassure you I cannot be attracted to a man who is flaky. That is good to hear Good luck with that. Yeah Okay, let's see Wanda has another question for you marie How do you keep stalkers away if you're on facebook dating and your location is always there? Oh Um, I never did facebook. I think I signed up and then got rid of it Precisely because I didn't want so you think facebook dating. Yeah. No, she's talking about facebook regular No, it said if you're on facebook and everything is there. Oh if you're on facebook dating Oh Oh, god, it got it got it. Okay Well, you've been hit on by guys for through facebook or instagram and whatnot. Yeah, no, that is that happens But I I don't put my my correct location on there And I don't you know you try and protect yourself as best you can but it it is a problem when they can They can figure you out. So, um, I put on my dating profile Los Angeles. I didn't put where I lived Now I don't really care that people know where I live, but I put Los Angeles, but you know, it's funny So I have an in my first name is spelled different So I've had some women who just Googled my first name because I spell my name j o n a t h o n and they were able to find me You know and um, it was interesting a couple times when that's happened You know what? Here's the thing I first off going back to your question. You can turn off your locator on all your apps. Okay Quite frankly the other day. I found out google was tracking. I mean, I've seen this before they send you a map of everywhere You've been and I'm like, I don't always want them to know where I'm at um I don't care about I don't care where you know where I'm at But I certainly care about a public company knowing where I'm at with that said you can turn off your locator But I would also say from facebook dating going back to marie I think you have the option to change your location of where you live And also I think you can turn off your option of whether it shows your online too. Yeah, okay It's something I always did. I I never put my correct birthday Yeah, because I just that's how people can find you then Um, I think it's important to try and keep as much of your life as private and You know, especially like my facebook is about my kids and my grandkids and stuff and nobody it's nobody's business So I don't want no actually my facebook is fudged by four years I have to always remember that when I like password problems or something, you know, you know what it was I just didn't want a public company knowing this type of stuff, you know And sadly it doesn't I'm not even sure it really matters anymore because public information I mean people can find out almost anything about you but um, anyway, so thanks for that question By the way, I'm uh, I'm a marie I'm Marie Marie reminds me a wonder woman and linda carter tell them the story about your halloween costume I have a halloween costume that was made with me when I was for me when I was a teenager and it was a wonder woman and I wore it, you know, it's just a few years ago four years ago Is a gorgeous costume. Wouldn't your grandmother made it or my my aunt made it for me And it's exactly like linda carters exactly And uh, I got if you had her blue eyes boy, you'd be her twin. I got fake blue contacts Every time I looked at myself in the mirror like went to the bathroom or something My eyes would scare me because they were like piercing blue. Yeah All right. Thank you for that. We appreciate it. Leafs wants to ask question. Do you mean Jonathan, do you mean unhealthy version of familiarity? Um So I don't remember now the context I was talking about Leafs, but I will say this Um Oftentimes we can get attached to a person thinking that we they feel familiar to us. Okay Um You know, sometimes it could be simply and I joke I say this in videos, you know You like sushi me too. You like stand-up paddle board on my favorite sport You like the rolling stones or I've seen them in concert 10 times for example, and you might feel familiar. That's not necessarily unhealthy But it's not necessarily that they're actually familiar to you. You might have familiar things I think unhealthy familiarity probably if I if I think of the context I was talking about stems from um Our upbringing with our parents Experiencing a relationship like I married my mother type of thing or I married my father That to me is unhealthy familiarity versus just common variety familiarity So and we talked about didn't we talk about this today talking about someone who married their mother? Yes And so the drama queen that we were talking about we were talking about drama queen before with someone's mom Um, so yes, that would be unhealthy version of familiarity at least in my opinion Okay. Thank you so much for that All right a roller goal is in the house. Thank you for the dollar nine nine super sticker. We really appreciate it All right, let's see Leif says only issue his phone says if you lose your phone you need location. Well if it's lost I can't use it to call myself. That's a good point Yeah, that's the double-edged sword. I think we can do I think we can turn off the locator for certain apps I think that's possibility, but I'm not an expert through that talk to your kids because they're Experts of figuring all that stuff out. Jamie has a question You've often spoken about the abundance of immaturity selfish men in the dating world who use women Do you think there are still great men out there? Jonathan, where do you find them? Okay You're nodding here. You go first. Well, no, I think there are a lot of great men out there but you know, it doesn't mean that that you're compatible with everyone but You get to put yourself out there You say everyone wants to know where to meet men you get that asked all the time but it's not about meeting the The men it's you have to put yourself in a position where you are Seeing where you can, you know speak to people join sports teams a lot of friends I have a friend that met her husband playing softball Okay, they were on a softball team or that and Stephanie met on the soccer field with their kids Yeah, so it's you don't have to go hit the bars because you know I I don't even think I really met anybody in a bar. It was I socialized, but I didn't meet anyone there So let me look at the question again So first off. All right, uh, Jamie, I just want to share something with you You've often is I said I've often spoke about immature men selfish men in the dating world who use women Let me just be clear Men and women alike can be absolutely self-centric immature And can be takers. Okay. I just think that's equal to men and women. So I just want to make sure that I acknowledge that What Marie said about meeting people, you know The sad thing is and I say well, I shouldn't say sad The reality is is these days 50% or more of all new connections are happening through an through an excuse me all new Relationships are happening through an online connection and that number is just going to continually increase I mean, I heard in 2030 is going to be 70% So that's the world we live in for us in midlife. The reality is just like what Marie said How are you going to be seen by a single eligible person if you're not in environment Of being surrounded by single eligible people then you're not going to meet single eligible people Where do they congregate? Sometimes they congregate at bars. Now the problem with meeting someone at a bar Is alcohol reduces judgments, you know, and we can oftentimes make poor choices in locations like that and sometimes people that go to bars possibly are going there to Numb their pain in life too. Okay. That's one thing. So where could you else? Where else could you go? Dance organizations. I know I remember I once went to I think it's called west coast swing years ago There were tons of men and women at that go to these west coast swings. I'm sure it's all over the country I know what's it called line dancing and texas and places also A lot you can take dance classes and they pair you up there with people. Yeah people Um, my son does karaoke boy. That's a great way for him to me By the way, he will my son my son call and there's a picture of him right there You know, he said look i'm frustrated with online dating and you know one thing he does is he's he's a big and karaoke He's actually a pretty good singer. He's a crooner. He does frank sanatra and all the women go. Wow He's good. So he gets women coming to him. He doesn't have to go out and beg I'm just kidding I would start thinking of where can you be seen by single eligible people or just people in general Or join travel groups like what you've talked about. I've done that a lot I've traveled the world and most of the time You know, I've made so many friends that I don't feel like i'm A single solo person because there's bound to be somebody that I know in the group The reality is is most human beings are rather dysfunctional Yes, the most human beings have weak emotional maturity or poor relationship skills So where do you find people that are probably better at that that have better skills? Maybe they're going to A relationship workshop and there's a lot of men that go to them as well Maybe they're going to a personal development workshop. Maybe they hang out at yoga studios I think people that do yoga. I don't know why maybe that's a perception I have but they're a little bit more enlightened than others If they study yoga as an example Personal development self-help spiritual workshops church might be a great place to go The reality is is it's going to i'm going to be blunt The older we get the harder it is That's just the reality partially because the older we get we don't look as good as we used to Don't you and I continually say we should we look 20 years younger? The thing is they have fun too. So yes, some people are just so hung up on trying to meet somebody that They're not having fun along the way and then that gets even more frustrating That's a good point and it's important when when you do The online dating that you do put something together that makes you more attractive and I don't mean just I mean you should have Can we say stand out? Well, yeah, but but you also want to write something really cool that Think about someone reading it and they'll go. Wow, you know, she's somebody I want to know I actually cut and pasted I have a I put together like the 20 top dating profile the essays that women wrote And I give that to my clients by the way, if you need any support in coaching There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you I give this out to my clients, but it's the 20 best dating profiles. I've read these are the ones I read them. I'm like, I want to meet that woman. Do you mean like me? Yes, just like you you were up there. I read your profile. Just one thing turned me off. I'm just kidding Anyway, it's a little inside joke between the two of us But yeah, Marie brings up a good point. You want to I said the word stand out Look at when you put together a great representation of yourself Just like you would if you wanted to get a job somewhere you put together a good resume I'm not suggesting it being transactional. I'm just saying if you stand out you can be seen And please do not Put any filters on your pictures because when they meet you and you don't look like that That's a turn off And that goes both ways men and women So no photoshopping. No No glancing no, okay, so um And sadly for those of us in our age demographic, we do feel like we're going to be judged So people put younger pictures so they can be chosen Well, you know what I hadn't been on dating apps for like six years And then when I went back on him They were the same guys the same picture and they say six years later. Yeah six years later. It's the same main picture Yeah, some of my pictures were older Anyway, marie brings up a good point. But again, it's about standing out really quite frankly and it doesn't mean Listen, you just want to stand out because when you're swimming through a sea of photographs swimming swimming through a sea of profiles Be the one that's unique that captures the person's eye Sometimes even a goofy funny picture gets a person to look and then they read beyond that You know, I'm not a big fan of your first photograph being a goofy funny one But having one like that that may cause a person to go. Hey, I'd like to find out more So these are just a couple things you might want to consider like the wonder woman one. Yes, the wonder woman one That was not goofy or funny. That was sexy All right, we're gonna take one more gosh Uh, a marie says you too are handsome and gorgeous great Look great for our age for sure. Thank you. We thank our mommy and daddy for that. Am I right? I'm like lamb table and your glam table All right Oh, I'm sorry the super stickers aren't working. You can always go back and do a super. Thanks. Okay All right Let's take this is the last question gloria writes Would marie consider doing an online zoom call with us like a mini woman's one day event I think many of us would pay a reasonable price for online event other women do these events like that Wow, um, would you consider that? I don't know I don't know. I'm this is I'm just a sidekick in this and I don't know if I could if I could do something on my own Well, I think I have to be candid with everyone. I do twist her arm to do this marie is a little bit of a private person in this regard And she feels uncomfortable the same time. I think secretly she does like doing this with me and you do it with you know, I don't Believe but I I do appreciate Because the reason why I brought you on to the channel was because you have not only do you have wisdom that you know I witness every day I want to break it up and give the woman's perspective. So Maybe gloria I can twist her arm into doing something like that. Certainly. You might want to check out my group called midlife love mastery And the link below Maybe I'll invite her to join there first So there's a link below in the description to join my group called midlife love mastery and maybe that will be a place We can do an event To get started anyway All right, gloria. Thank you so much for that. We get asked that a lot I get asked that a lot and I I've never even considered having my own channel on anything By the way, lisa wants to know marie. Are you an introvert? um no, I think What do you call it an amber? No, is it like I'm tall because I can be a total extrovert and but I'm very private about a lot of things Um, well, just keep in mind. This isn't your profession You know, this is what I do for a living and a lot of things I think marie feels a little uncomfortable because she may not know the answer to some of the questions and I kind of you know Turn to her quickly and she's a person that needs time to process something and when she's processing I'm always filling in the blank so But I think you know what? I think it'd be fun. Maybe and I know people want you to do makeup Online. There's plenty of makeup people on youtube that that anyway Uh, anyway, I'm just reading another comment. So jane wants says marie. Please consider. Okay. All right Um, all right. Listen, we're going out to dinner tonight. I want to take my sweetheart for out for a bite to eat We're going to go eat some fish. Uh, I think this would be a great place to wrap up We talked about the five ways you're to increase your value and get men to respect you I just want you to I want to simply say this when you are in your empowerment Self-respect is far more important than gaining like guys. I don't know gaining a man's respect However, when you are in your empowerment just like my sweetheart marie was from the moment I met her Uh, you're naturally naturally going to garner a healthy man's respect So that's my invitation for all of you and if you need some help with that check out my book What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Check out the link below because this will get you on the way to your self-worth self-esteem and your empowerment All right, we're going to wrap up this video as we always do first off I'm going to give you a big gigantic jonathan barrow of appreciation I get one back Everyone we hope you enjoyed this I want to say good night to talia and amary and grace and leaps and melissa and lisa and gloria And mar scott and roller girl and miss ashley and jane and donna and jamie And let's see if there's anyone else everyone. Thank you. So zen gal and christine christin And melissa, thank you so much. Have a fab evening. You be well. Bye now