 If you put the whistle around your neck, I think with the glasses, that'd really pair well. Yeah, this is like, Jim Teacher goes to graduation and is trying to play a call. Just calling them off for the diploma. Jake! Congratulations. My name is Jimmy, his name is Jake, and this is the Weekly Dumb. Back to the regular recording schedule. Jake, how are ya? Jim, we're both dumb. We both are soft. I got back into yoga this weekend, namaste, and you hit the massage table. Prenatal massage for I and a haircut, and big, important news, your yoga instructor, AlphaJu. Yeah, I got bodied. I got bodied. I, uh, yeah, I got yelled at instantly in the class. I was doing a pigeon. He said, you do not do that in here! And then he yelled at me later. I said Bikram, and he said, we don't say the B word here. So I got taught a lesson. Went to yoga and got bodied. You were like, you can be manly and do yoga, and then the yoga place made you feel less of a man. Yes, thousand percent. Good shit. All right. You want to talk about the sports? Jim, we need to talk about the sports. Everyone's watching this. It's playoff season. Which one are we going to jump to? How about the granddaddy of them all? The Westminster dog show, and your guy, all bald team member, Barry Bonds. He was in attendance. His dog, same nickname as me, Rocky, competing. It is interesting that your first name is a dog's name, and your nickname is a dog's name. But yeah, Barry Bonds has a dog named Rocky with a dumb haircut that competed in the Westminster dog show. I did not understand that dogs and dog shows are like horses at horse races. Barry Bonds was like, yeah, well, this is my dog, Rocky. It lives in North Carolina with its handler. I have another dog, Sylvester, whatever its name was. Rocky's my son, Pepper. Black is Apollo because I love Sylvester Stallone and Rocky shows. Okay, so this is not your dog? Yeah. You just paid for that dog and sent it to a trainer, and now you're just going to claim a prize like that? If Barry Bonds said, come here, Rocky. Come here, Rocky. The dog would be like, I don't know you. No. Who are you, sir? Who are you? So I didn't know that dog shows were like that. I thought they were like people's dogs. And Barry Bonds has a very sweet, nice voice. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, history is not remembering him super well because of the cheating and stuff, but... Yeah, I don't know. The whole time Barry was doing the interview, he was kind of on Cloud Nine. Better haircut Barry Bonds or Barry Bonds dog Rocky? Rocky. I'm going Barry there. Rocky. Tim, I busted this out. Seat key. Cut a dumb $20 off. I'm a seat geek, and I wanted to tell you the oldest lobster ever caught was estimated to be 140 years old. We'll see if that's pertinent later. That's weird that you just brought that up. Moving on. Next. According to everything we know, Rocky didn't win. Definitely not. That would have been part of the story. Yeah, if Rocky had won, they would have told us. Would you rather be Rocky or the love dog? The love dog. But the love dog is jealous of Rocky, no? No. I'd love the almost a breakdown instead of pooping on that dog. Almost a breakdown. Las Vegas bodybuilder breaks world record by smashing three watermelons with her thighs. Now, the setup here is she's a bodybuilder and she has really strong thighs. The first one she smashes, bam! Bam! Brains everywhere. The second one she smashes is a little harder of a smash. It's not perfect. The third one, I don't know, the rules because there was a lot of hand action. A lot of upper torch that came in the play. She ripped the top with it, but she sets the Guinness World Record for smashing three watermelons with her thighs. She'll have that until someone else tries it. Can we do this? Which will be tomorrow or no? We can't smash a watermelon with our thighs. I thought you meant like, can we... Don't care about the record. Physically. Can we do this? I have no idea. Zach? Do you remember during quarantine when that dude was just tying rubber bands around watermelons and exploding them? I asked Zach a question. I didn't bring a watermelon. Zach, I don't care. Okay. Double dump. Oh, shit. Seat geek. Code dumb. $20 off. That's a good breed. Yeah, I'm a big Ted Couser fan. Easy with the curse words. Moving on to not sports, we have two lobster stories today. Oh my god. Two lobster stories. And my fun fact before was lobsters. I went syllables and words. Jim, which one of these sticks out to you a little more? Lobster diver was in the mouth of a humpback whale for more than 30 seconds off the Cape Cod coast. Cape Cod coast. That one. People don't know the second one. Second one is bullshit, so we can do the bullshit story after the fun story. Sorry, we're a news show. Let's not do the BS story. Yeah. That's smart. Yeah. Okay, first story. This is the better story. This is the better story. The dude was catching lobsters. Zach. And a whale caught him. Wake up. A whale caught him. He was in a whale's mouth for 30 to 40 seconds, which... I hate when news stories give you these types of details. Say a whale eats you. Right. Are you counting down the seconds to how long you're out? 1,000. 2,000. 3,000. Let's see if he opens up. 4,000. No, you just fucking hoping you don't die. This guy was in a whale's mouth for two seconds. Two seconds. And that's fine. That's still an awesome story. And it felt like 40 seconds. Sure. So I just don't like the hard facts on the seconds there. Did a Chippeto or Pinocchio do this? Pinocchio. Pinocchio was in a whale. Yes. Okay. Jake relates to Pinocchio. I could have... No, I relate to... Little puppet boy. I relate to Chippeto. Is that the little puppet boy? I think that's the guy who makes the puppets, right? I could be named Chippeto. And people would be like, yeah, all right. What are you saying? Because you've got your, I'm about to say something mean face on. Okay. And it's gone. Look at my fucking face. Sorry. That's my bad. Jesus. So yeah, this dude was... Zach! So this dude get ate by a whale, man. I don't know. I'm starting to doubt the whole thing. So mom's quote. Why is she commenting on the happening? I'm okay with mom's getting interviewed. If something... I'm team mom's getting interviewed. If something crazy happens to me. Yeah. And my mom gets quoted by the newspaper. And she doesn't confirm whatever it is I'm saying. I'm pretty mad at my mom. Mean woman. Your mom. No. Very nice. She can be mean if she wants to. She was mean to Mr. Catano one time. Remember him, our Spanish teacher? He was a jerk. He was. He made me take my test with my nail. Because I forgot to bring a pen. So I asked if I could borrow a pen. He said no. I said, so how am I supposed to write the answers? He said figure it out. So I scratched all the answers into the test with my thumbnail. Teachers hate that. And then I handed it in. And then... Rightfully so. My mom kind of ripped him apart. Right. And he bought me a present. My mom made two teachers buy presents for me in apology. Which is hilarious. Also Mrs. Fox. Lake Zurich Middle School. South. Mean to me for no reason. Ah. Book of sonnets. Codum. Seekik. The other lobster story is even more bullshit. This woman... I think she owns a restaurant that serves lobster. She says that. It's nicer to get the lobsters high before killing them. And my retort here would be... Do you think that's exclusive to lobsters? Right. If you're going to murder me, kindly get me high first. Yeah. Go down a lot easier. This is every night for me. It's going to happen. Exposing lobsters to cannabis smoke reduces anxiety and pain before they are boiled alive. Lady! We know! This is what I also respect about science though. Because I think a big part of science is getting money to research stuff. Like sweet talking rich people to research stuff. So if you find the rich stone or nerd who you can constantly be like, Yeah, the next thing I want to try is getting these other animals really high and just seeing the result. And if that rich person says yes to that, you're winning life. Oh, and by the way, the lobsters taste better when you're high. Thanks. Annika. What's her name? Her name is Gil. Is that a first or a last? That's a last. Charlotte. Charlotte Gil. Oh, bless your heart. Charlotte Gil getting high and killing lobster. It says that, uh... Are we serious? Are you? Look at this story, man. It says that the Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory said a team of scientists sealed main lobsters in a box filled with marijuana. The lobsters were... Why don't you say the word? 30 to 60 minutes at a time. Why don't you say the word for THC there? It's written out. Tetra high cannibal. You round it. Cannibal. And he said hydro. Hydro. That's the only word I can make out. We brought a lobster to a Fourth of July party in college. Don't tell this story. It makes you sound like a bad guy. Don't tell the story. I cooked the lobster on the grill and I was scared. Here comes Peta. Because I'd never cooked a lobster on a grill before, but I fanci- Called off the grill. And jumped onto the floor. This is a fib. And Jack had to pick it back up and put it on. No, we were like, okay. We heard lobsters scream when they're dying or whatever. So we're like, let's make sure we cook this bad boy for real for real. So we cook it, we leave it in there the appropriate time. And me and my buddy opened it up and we're like, okay, this lobster's got to be cooked by now. We opened it up and he took his last step. And it was just like horrid. It scarred me for life. Delicious. Was a hit at the party. It's the employee of the week. It's the employee of the week. It's the employee of the seat. Eat code dumb. $20 off first order. So we had our Blitz ball tryouts, back alley at bats, parentheses. We heard some people in the building complaining. So we don't know how long. You know why. Back alley at bats. I don't know why. There's music and construction every second of the day. There's no way that Blitz ball is louder than that. I don't know where my notes are. People don't like fun. We're giving the employee of the week two. Everybody that's tried out, besides my brother Luke. Everything's in blue because our printer ran out of black ink. That was the Weekly Dumb. Support for this program was brought to you by SeatGeek. Baseball games are at full capacity and you can join the crowd. Use code dumb for $20 off your first order. That's $20 off with promo code dumb. No balls. And the best in future. I have no idea. Well, let me just find out real quick. Find out in there. Read that one thing we've been wanting to tell the people. The youngest captive wears full butternut regalia.