 Welcome to another Narc's Fiver Live video. In this one as you can see I am driving in the car. As you may know I'm in Taiwan. It's about 9 p.m. at night but I haven't even found a place to stay. I had quite a surprise today when I went to a shop as it opened my wallet and I discovered that my debit card is missing and normally I do have a credit card as well but I lost that lost last year somewhere in Malaysia. So today I discovered that I have lost my debit card as well which means I now have no cards and I only have a very small amount of cash maybe $20 in my wallet. I might have lost the cards maybe a few days ago I'm not sure. I'm now on a two-hour trip back to where I just came from towards the north of Taiwan. I had an effort to try and find it. I'm thinking maybe I left it in this ATM. I've already checked all the Airbnb's where I stayed just in case. Just imagine it being in a foreign country on the other side of the world from where you live. You've lost all your cards. All you've got is $20 in cash. Luckily I can still pay from PayPal and Airbnb. I can't go to a shop and use my cards I also can't go to an ATM and withdraw cash. I've got about $20 left so if I'm lucky it's enough for a few meals and of course on this two-hour trip I'm losing a lot of fuel as well. I mean to be fair it is quite a difficult situation. I mean it's something where any normal person in this situation they would likely panic. They would probably cry. I mean of course if you're on the other side of the world you're on your own. You're not with any friends. You're a solo traveler. You've got no means of withdrawing cash. You've got no card that you can use. What you can really do is pay for a place to stay. Might be difficult to get fuel but even to get food as well. I mean of course anyone in this situation they would likely panic but believe it or not after all of the things that I've been through with narcissists in this situation right now I'm actually not panicking. I wouldn't say that I'm comfortable. As you can see I'm not losing my mind. Just doing what I can in an effort to resolve it. I've searched all of the areas where I've been today and yesterday just to check in case I dropped it. Now I'm going back up another two hours to see if I left it at this ATM maybe someone handed it in. I can go to the bank or I could go to the police as well. That's typically what we should do in stressful situations. We must try to maintain our composure. Try not to react too emotionally because especially after dealing with narcissists we should know that our emotions getting angry, getting upset, getting stressed out. That's not going to change anything. That's not just going to magically make my cards fall from the sky and appear in my hands again. If anything it may have the opposite effect. It's going to leave me unable to think clearly and I'm not going to respond to the situation rationally. If anything I would just be out of my mind. I wouldn't know what to do. If I'm over-emotional, I might just go and take it out on someone, yell at them, trying to get them to do all of the work for me. But instead now I mean they are stuck around just checking out. Other than that I'm taking responsibility. I accept that yes I have misplaced my cards and I'm doing everything that I can to resolve it. And what does this have to do with the narcissist? Well as we know just imagine your narcissist in this situation. Imagine they were on the other side of the world. No means of payment. They lost their cards. They have no cash. They would probably go insane. I mean we know what they're like even with situations that aren't even a big deal. Slight criticism. And they do that because they can't cope with life. They don't know how to deal with it. So they go AWOL. They are crazy. Irrational. And then they can't think clearly. They don't respond to the situation in the correct way. Instead they play the victim and they blame everyone else. They hold everyone else accountable. They expect everyone to do the work for them. This is just what it's like when we deal with narcissists. They turn molehills into mountains because they just can't hack it. They can't deal with life. And it's really horrible when you're dealing with someone like that. It's like every day is so stressful. So many problems. They're like children in adult bodies. They've never grown up. They don't take accountability for where they find themselves. And this is very important for us as well. When you've been involved with a narcissist you can become quite reactive yourself. They push and provoke us. They try to make us angry or upset. They try to guilt trip us. Anything just to get a response. Just to get an emotional reaction so that they can then calm down and feel better about themselves. So by them provoking us we can become more reactive. So this is something for all of us to learn from. I mean I already knew as soon as I saw in my wallet that my card was missing. I knew that if I get stressed out about it I get over-emotional. It's not going to change anything. It's just going to make the situation worse and leave me unable to think clearly. But especially as a man, as men we need to remain strong. Think logically. Not over-react. But of course women sometimes they naturally get emotional. That's understandable. It's just the way they are wired. They need us men to calm them down. To be there as a source of reason. That's what we're supposed to be. And you as a man when a woman is in your presence she should feel relaxed because you should be there to comfort her. Unfortunately as we know with narcissistic women it doesn't matter what you do they're never going to relax. They just want to provoke you. They want to get you upset and that's the only way that they are ever going to calm down. But what is really the worst? It's narcissistic men. They're so hypersensitive and over-emotional. They will panic over any little thing. I mean that's just really crazy and I'm sure a lot of the women who are watching this right now can relate to it. It's like you're dealing with a big baby. I mean this man he's meant to be there for you. He's meant to comfort you. I mean of course the relationship should be 50-50. There should be an equal exchange of value but if you're upset about something as a woman he should be there to calm you down. If you're dealing with a narcissistic man he will always be having these blow-ups. It's like he can't manage his own life but myself as you know I've been through so many different situations. So many different things going on. No matter what happens I still get back up. I still keep trying. I never give up and I never make a big fuss about it. I never get on you and start crying and complaining and I don't do that outside of YouTube as well. I never do because what is the point? It's not going to change anything. It's just going to make the situation worse. You know I really feel for the women who are watching this right now and you've dealt with a narcissistic man. These emotional toddlers, they're like big babies. They overreact to everything. They're so sensitive. I mean when you look at it they even more sensitive than a woman. Now that's not meant to be an insult or anything to any women who are watching this. Of course women they should be sensitive. They should be caring and nurturing but for a man, men should not be reacting in that way. They should have control over their lives and they should be creating a safe and comfortable space for their woman. That's what they should be doing because as men we should understand that yes women are sensitive. They are emotional at times especially if it's that time of the month of course. That's natural for a woman. It's not natural for a man though but that's not to take anything away from male victims of narcissistic abuse as well because for the male victims who are watching this right now I know you know what I'm talking about. The female narcissist provokes you. She always tries to get under your skin. She does everything she can to make you to react and she's now there to comfort you. She doesn't understand your emotions because yes as men we do have emotions too and that's normal as long as we're not like loose cannons constantly having these blow-ups every day because that's really the difference with narcissists they take it to the extreme. As I said in the title they turn molehills into mountains and it's like no matter what they're never seeking a resolution. They don't want the external environment to be calm and functional because they have all of this internal chaos inside so the mole functional the external environment is the mole chaotic and out of control they feel inside. They need the external environment to reflect how they feel internally and then they can relax. Then they're comfortable. It's not comfortable for you though is it? When someone doesn't consider your feelings and needs they can't put themselves in your shoes because they lack empathy. It's a horrible thing to go through and I just think back with the narcissist that I was dealing with. I can't even imagine what it would be like if one of those narcissists were sitting next to me right now. It would be chaotic. As I said I've lost my debit card somewhere it's the only card I've got left. All I've got is $20 in cash. No money for food. I'm driving for two hours now it's 9 p.m. at night. I'm on the other side of the world from where I live and at the same time in driving a car it needs fuel. Just imagine if I had a narcissist with me right now they would be losing their minds. They wouldn't know what to do. They wouldn't have any patience. They wouldn't be thinking alright okay let's just wait until we drive to this location get some sleep. Maybe we can recover the cards in the morning. Maybe open up a bank account here. Maybe there's some other way. An narcissist isn't gonna be thinking like that. They're gonna be going crazy. Shifting the blame on to everyone else or if it was your mistake they're really gonna come down on you. They're gonna make you feel like you're such a bad person. Even though you just made a mistake it happens. We all make mistakes sometimes it's okay but it doesn't feel okay though does it? When you're dealing with a narcissist it's never okay with them. You're not allowed to get anything wrong. In their minds they're perfect. They have this false character so they hold you up to very high expectations. Even though if you look at it it seems they make more mistakes than anyone else. They just know how to deflect it and to shift the blame avoid any accountability. Because of that they never change or grow. They just stay the same. For the rest of their lives they just go around blaming everyone else. So what are we talking about here? What qualities am I describing? Guess I'm describing emotional stability, discipline and control. Being able to manage your emotions, having patience, recognising that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Of course a narcissist cannot do that and we all know what they're like. We all know how they behave. We all know how difficult they are to deal with. For me this is just a part of the adventure. It really is after everything I've dealt with with narcissists. Because I already know maybe in a few months I'm gonna look back I'm gonna watch this video again because those of you who don't know I actually do look back over my old videos. I like to see what I've said in the past if it was accurate compared with everything I've researched and learned up until this point. So I use my past videos to improve and also it's nice just to see what I was doing back then where I was. Whether I was in the UK, in Wales, England or Scotland, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Japan, South Korea, wherever I was. It's always nice to look back and see how far that I have come and to know that despite all of the problems and difficulties that I have gone through in my life. I'm still here, I'm still living. I still manage to experience happiness and peace within myself. It's always good to look back at our past and everything we went through because it reminds us. We managed to get through that and maybe we're going through something right now. We can get through this as well. I mean that's really it. No matter what you go through in life, no matter how hard it gets, no matter what happens, life doesn't just stop. It's not just the be all and end all. Life keeps going. Whatever happens that same day, you're gonna go to sleep, you're gonna lay in your bed, you're gonna wake up the next day and the day starts again and not only that but what you're worrying about right now, it's likely that you're not gonna be worried about it in a few weeks or a few months. There's gonna be different problems, different difficulties because that is just a part of life as well. Nothing's perfect. There's always going to be things that go wrong. As I've said before, life is 90% of what happens to us. Actually no, it's 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it because things will go wrong, things will happen. What can change or improve that situation is how you choose to respond. That can change everything and as I've said in another video before as well, you can have two people who are going through the exact same situation and one person may be pessimistic, they may think about it negatively and because of that they might experience a negative effect. It might not turn out in the way that they wanted to but then someone else who is going through the exact same situation they may have a more positive mindset and because of that they get a more positive effect. Of course that's not to say that we should all be positive when we are dealing with narcissists because that's not gonna change anything. That is actually toxic positivity because you can't control what they do. It could be positive all you want. It might give them supply but it's not gonna change their behaviours. They're still gonna be the same and you're just gonna be pulling the wool over your own eyes. You're not even gonna see what they're doing to you so be aware of that as well. Toxic positivity around narcissists and they can be that way as well with us. They can have this toxic positivity. It's like they look at us like we're these cartoon characters like something out of Tom and Jerry and in their minds they have this magical verse like no matter what they do to us no matter how they treat us they think everything's just gonna go back to normal. They think we're gonna be okay. We're not gonna suffer from any serious health issues. Things are just gonna continue in the same way that they always have and that's just magical thinking. It's illusion to think that they can just treat us however they like and things are just gonna continue as normal. It doesn't work that way. If you beat someone down bad enough sometimes they can't just come back. They can't continue to meet your needs and give you supply. Narcissists don't think that way though. As we know there is this difference in their brains which separates us from them because they don't typically think before they act. They could be very impulsive. When they do something they're not thinking about the after-effects. They're not thinking about what are gonna be the consequences of their actions and this is why they engage in such foolish behavior and often it's self-destructive as well. They end up shooting themselves in the foot because they look at us like these cartoon characters. It's like Tom and Jerry and they think no matter how bad they beat us down somehow we're just gonna get back up. We're gonna continue as normal and everything is gonna be okay. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way and when that happens they get scared. They want to run away. They just want to leave you to it on your own. As I've said before when you finally give up, they ghost you, they discard you, they go and find someone else. Or they blame you for everything. They start to be a campaign against you. There's nothing you can do to please or satisfy a narcissist. No matter what you do it will never be enough for them. They will never be happy. They will never feel like they've got to give anything back to you. They're always going to want more and they're never gonna be satisfied with anything that they get. So you can keep running on this hamster wheel. You can keep jumping through hoops in an effort to please them. I can tell you right now before you go and waste all your time doing that it's not going to make any difference. You're not going to experience a sense of resolve. If you want to change your situation, if you want to feel better, happier, more comfortable, don't look to the narcissist and try to change them. You can't. Instead of wasting your energy on them, use that energy for yourself. Just give a fraction of that energy to yourself and you can change everything. But no matter what you do for them, nothing is going to change. They're always going to be the same. Sometimes it takes us a long time to realize this truth. We waste all of our time, energy, money and it gets us nowhere. It doesn't change anything. As I've said before, the reason why, the reason why no matter what you do for the narcissist, no matter how much you try to make them happy, the reason why nothing changes is because they're a bad investment. You're investing all of your treasures into something that has no value. So over time you will see that your value begins to diminish the longer that you spend around them because you're investing everything into them. They're a bad investment. So you're just depleting yourself because you're giving everything out and you're getting nothing back, which is why you need to learn to give these valuable assets that we have on time, on money, on energy, on resources. We have to invest these things into the right people and the right places, even if it's just into ourselves. Because those of you who are watching this right now, you do have a lot of value. The narcissist saw this, they realized that they could get a good ROI with you. That's why they invested their time into you because they knew that it was going to pay off. So sometimes we need to take a leaf out of their book and see that it's paying off for them to invest their time into us. So just imagine what we could gain by investing our time into ourselves. Just imagine the ROI that we could get on that because we are very valuable people. The narcissist sees that. It's time that we see it ourselves so that we stop making the same mistakes again and again, expecting to get something back from something that has no value. And in fact, it's a void. No matter how much value you pour into it, it's just going to disappear without a trace. You're not going to see it again. And again, this is why they turn mohills into mountains because they're seeking energy. They're seeking supply validation from you. They want you to make everything better for them. They parentify you. When you're with a narcissist, it's like you're constantly this shoulder. Put them to cry on. It's like that's your only purpose in the relationship. It's not like two adults where you're replenishing each other until building something together. It's never like that with a narcissist. It's always one person getting the short end of the stick. One person being drained of their life and energy. And of course, that person is you. That's why you watch my videos. It's time we stop being that person for the narcissist because that's not getting us anywhere. We're not getting what we want. They're never going to be a shoulder for you to cry on. They're never going to provide you with any emotional support. And even when you try to run in the other direction to just attend to your own emotions. They're just going to blame you for that as well. There's really no winning with them. And it's really crazy when you think about it. It's like they expect you to completely neglect yourself while at the same time provide them with everything that they need. And this is how you know that they are completely delusional. Because just think about that for a moment. If you're not pouring anything into your own cup, how are you going to have anything to give to them? That really doesn't make any sense. I mean, if it's a logical person who is in a same state of mind, they're going to be trying to replenish you. But at the very least, they're going to give you time to replenish yourself. They're going to let you do that because they're going to connect the dots. They're going to make the connection and realise that yes, if you have the time and space to replenish yourself, you're going to have a lot more to give to them. I mean, that's just how any normal rational person is going to think. But as we know with narcissists, they don't think that way. And in the end, it's like they're just kicking a horse when it's down. They're just completely stupid. You would think that if they even had a brain, they would give you some time, they would give you some space. They would try to replenish you as well. But then that's the thing. They really can't replenish you. They have a void. They don't have anything to give to you other than an illusion. All they can do is reflect back to you your own qualities and virtues. And by doing that, they're expending what little energy they have. All of that energy goes into the illusion to sustain it. And a lot of that energy is coming from you anyway. And when they expand that energy, even though it's just something they got from you, they see it as though they've given that to you. And now they're expecting a payout. They're expecting even more from you. There's really no winning with them. I've never heard of anyone in over five years of research with a lifetime of experience with narcissists. I've never heard of anyone winning with a narcissist. The longer they spend with them, they all are losing. The longer they spend, they just end up losing more. And it just sustains this illusion that the narcissist is winning. But there's nothing wrong with them. But in the end, they end up losing because it's self-destructive. Well, the victim, once we take some time out to heal, we get back to ourselves. It's quite amazing what we can accomplish. I mean, as you may know, when I left the narcissist in my life, I started this YouTube channel. I started coaching people. And within just three years, I then became a millionaire by the age of 33. I had already made a million dollars. And before that, my entire life, when I was dealing with narcissists, I had so many problems. It's like I was stuck working these jobs. I mean, I was waking up 7 o'clock in the morning, starting work at 8. I would finish at 5 or 6 p.m. And then I'd go straight to deliver pizzas for Domino's Pizza. I was just making ends meet. And then when I didn't have those jobs, as I've said before, I was out of work for three years. I couldn't even find a job because I was dealing with a smear campaign as well. But it's really amazing what we can accomplish when we finally leave these narcissists behind. And I really like sharing my story with you just to let you know that it is possible. You'd be surprised with what you can accomplish. Many of you, you've been devalued by the narcissist and it resulted in you underestimating yourself. But you really got to look back and think. I mean, just remember what narcissists are like. If you can sustain a narcissist for that amount of time, you must be a pretty incredible person. Because remember they have a void and they lack empathy. They don't do anything for you. You're sustaining this person can't even sustain themselves. And at the same time, you're somehow managing to get by. So for you to do that, you must be a very powerful person. Remind yourself of that every day. Just imagine if you took all of that energy that you're going to them, just imagine what you could accomplish if you gave that energy to yourself. Just think about that for a moment. And that's really what we need to do. We need to give this energy to ourselves. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish just after a few months, just from being away from them. And it doesn't always have to be in your career. It could just be in your health and well-being. I mean, even when they stop abusing us, like when they provoke us to react and then they calm down. And they stop abusing us just for a moment. It could just be for a few minutes. Those few minutes are like bliss. They really are. I mean, I remember when I was being abused by narcissists. And then maybe I got a moment some time to myself. I'd go and get a massage. And it's just incredible how I felt in that moment. Just the feelings and sensations. It's like I was hyper-sensitive to touch because I was emotionally starved. And I was starved of affection. So to just go and get a massage and that feeling that came along with it. It was incredible. I felt like I could do anything. Like everything was perfect in the world. That's really how it feels when we do get some time away from the narcissist. In a way, I guess it has the opposite and unintended effects or consequence. Because what they're trying to do when they abuse you, it's like they never want you to feel any happiness ever again. But what it actually does, we just don't have any happiness or satisfaction when we're around them. But then as soon as we get away from them, it's like we're highly sensitive to anything positive. To any amount of emotional validation, any amount of affection, maybe your friend gives you a hug. And then it's like this amazing feeling. But just know as well, even if you are alone, you can give that to yourself. There's nothing stopping you from giving yourself a hug or from validating yourself. And you can also get on YouTube and watch my videos or other YouTubers as well. All of these things will validate you. And that's really what you need when you've been involved with narcissists. You just need that validation. And it's a horrible experience once you've been discarded by them when you've managed to pull away. You experience this pathological loneliness. It's like you just desire some company. And it can quite easily cause you to get involved with another narcissist. Because it's like at times you're just seeking some affection. It's like you just want someone to put their arms around you. And to tell you that everything's going to be okay. And honestly, I was thinking about this the other day. I think it was David DeMars coaching. He was talking about how victims of narcissistic abuse. We experienced a deficiency in oxytocin. And he was talking about how we should go and get a prescription for oxytocin tablets. And I was just thinking, I wish I could offer a service to survivors of narcissistic abuse. What I could just offer free hugs. I think that would be really amazing. And I think it would help a lot of people as well. Because that's really what we need. It's just someone that we can trust. That's why so many people gravitate towards my videos. Because they feel like they can trust me. They feel like I'm someone who's not going to judge them. Someone who's going to listen to them and validate their experiences. And that's really what I strive to do. But yeah, it's very true what David said in this video. You will experience a deficiency in oxytocin. And it's great if you have a founding member or a friend that you can trust. Someone who's there just to give you a hug. Someone to validate your experiences. And what can help as well is even if you just have a pet. If you have a cat or a dog. Give you a cat or your dog a cuddle. Or as we say in Wales, give them a kutch. It's great just to have that affection with someone you love, someone you care about. But of course you don't want that person to be the narcissist. They're just going to manipulate you again. But I know what that's like as well. When you try to move on from the narcissist. And it's like maybe you see someone who looks a bit like them. Or as well, they may just have that same narcissistic attitude. But they're like very grandiose. They're so arrogant, so entitled. And it's so weird. But even though it's like that's just what you ran away from. It's almost like it still seems attractive to you. It's like you want it, you crave it. It's almost like a turn on. And it's like, you just want to go and sleep with someone with that type of attitude again. Yes, I know what that's like. I've experienced that as well. And it has such a pull. When you see someone with this over the top grandiose attitude, they're just so arrogant and entitled. It just pulls you back in. Because as an empath, it's like you want it, you need it. You just want to be there to help to soothe them, to comfort them. And in some ways as well, it's like you want them to be this person who is impossible to please. But then it's like finally you get it right, you figure it out. You can make them happy. But then it's like it's just a trick and the cycle starts all over again. Yes, I know what that's like. I remember when I left the narcissist that I was dealing with. She didn't even scarred me. I was the one who got fed up and left. But even after all of the things she did to me, I remember there was someone I was just out having a good time swimming in the pool. I think I was in Sri Lanka. And then I just heard this voice, someone with the same accent, someone of the same race, the same ethnicity, quite possibly the same age as well, with the same level of arrogance and entitlement that yelling, shouting, complaining about something. And it was so weird, but I just felt this intense sexual attraction towards them. It really just pulled me in. And I knew straight away, that is the trauma bond. That's what it is. And those of you who have experienced it, you will know that it is very powerful. Of course, at this point, I have healed to some extent. And I'm able to think clearly, I'm able to recognize that, although it may feel like it sometimes going back into it, trying to soothe and comfort this person, that's not going to change anything. It's not going to make the situation right. If anything is just going to put us back in our healing, it's going to make things worse for us. What you need to do is heal and find someone who is more like yourself, someone who can be satisfied. Maybe another empath. When you do that, you will realize why you never worked out with a narcissist. Then you will understand. I'm just enjoying talking with you as I'm driving. It's 10pm now here. I actually still don't know where I'm going. Hopefully tomorrow, I will find my card somehow. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I'll keep you updated and hopefully somehow I will figure things out. But yeah, I'd just like to thank you all for joining me on this little road trip. I do appreciate you all. And you can show your support down below by giving this video a thumbs up. I do appreciate your support. And let me know your feedback in the comments. Hit that subscribe button down below as well. If you haven't subscribed yet. And then you will receive notifications for my future videos. And if you need more support, you can book a coaching session with me. It's one on one. You can book it on my website. It's narksurvivor.co.uk. And you can also follow me on Instagram. I've got pictures and videos of my travels, which I post to my story every day on there. It's narksurvivor YouTube and Instagram. Follow me on there. Other than that, that's what I've got to say for this one. I hope you I hope you've enjoyed this little car journey. And as always, I will talk to you in another video very soon.