 Test 914-0163. Name, Dr. Dextrania. Date, October 11th, 2017. Total items, 1 Remington H-70 shotgun, no bullets chambered, 15 9mm bullets, and 1 Beretta M9 handgun. Input, 1 Remington H-70 shotgun. Setting, fine. Output, 1 Mossberg pump shotgun. When fired, acted normal for a Mossberg, and was discarded to the Armory Locker after testing, and no other anomalies were found to be present. Input, 15 9mm bullets. Setting, very fine. Output, 9mm bullets that when fired from a Beretta M9 handgun, home to the nearest signs of life. In the event of testing, a security guard was hit and killed. The cause of death was not from a wound, but from cardiac arrest. The bullets were discarded. Note, I'm not sure if the bullets should be used as actual ammunition, as they pose a huge threat to other personnel. I'm requesting that testing of bullets on very fine is prohibited. Dr. Dextrania. Note, Ranted, 057. Test 914-0164. Name, Dr. Simonson. Date, October 12th, 2017. Total items, 3 jars of crude oil. Input, 1 jar of crude oil. Setting, rough. Output, 1 jar of solid asphalt. Note, the jar was unharmed strangely, Dr. Simonson. Input, 1 jar of crude oil. Setting, fine. Output, 1 jar of gasoline. Input, 1 jar of crude oil. Setting, very fine. Output, 1 jar of LPG. Afrimission gas quickly escaped or opened in the output door. Note, I probably should have sealed it. Dr. Simonson. Test 914-0165. Name, Dr. Reese. Date, October 13th, 2017. Total items, 5 generic gumballs and sorted colors. Commonly found in grocery store 25 cent candy dispensers. Input, 1 purple gumball. Setting, rough. Output, melted puddle of gum. Separate puddle of purple food coloring. Input, 1 red gumball. Setting, coarse. Output, separate piles of dextrose, corn syrup, gum base, corn starch and red food dyes. Input, 1 green gumball. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 everlasting gobstopper. Input, 1 blue gumball. Setting, fine. Output, 1 blue gumball. Outer shell with a much glossier blue than input gumball. When chewed, subject reported that the flavor was that of farm ripened blueberries. Input, 1 yellow gumball. Setting, very fine. Output, 1 shiny yellow gumball. Gum appears to glow faintly in low light. Testing indicates no source for this glow. When chewed, subject reported feelings of euphoria. Subject indicated that the gum reminded them of their favorite childhood meal, but couldn't elaborate as to what the flavor actually was. Flavor apparently does not fade away as with normal chewing gum. Note, the everlasting flavor seems to be further indication that this thing modifies objects based on our perception of them. Everyone wishes gum would keep its flavor for more than a few minutes. Dr. Reese. Test, 914-0166. Name, Dr. Simonson. Date, October 23, 2017. Total items, 3 ordinary keys from the lost and found room. Input, 1 key. Setting, coarse. Output, a drill bit. Subject was made of brass, as was the input item. Input, 1 key. Setting, 1-1. Output, a padlock. Subject can be opened by a replica of the input key. Input, 1 key. Setting, very fine. Output, a perfect copy of SCP-005. Including its anomalous properties. Subject is now contained at site. Test, 914-0167. Name, Dr. Ashwood. Date, October 24, 2017. Total items, 3 wool blankets. Input, 1 wool blanket. Setting, coarse. Output, a pile of unrefined wool. Input, 1 wool blanket. Setting, 1-1. Output, a cotton blanket of identical mass and thickness. Input, 1 wool blanket. Setting, very fine. Output, an extremely light-absorbent blanket made out of unidentified material. When given the D-class personnel, feeling was described as extremely comfortable. Note, I'm going to be taking this one home for some extra… research. Yeah, Dr. Ashwood. Note, rumors have circulated around the building that Dr. Ashwood was seen cuddling with her blanket several hours after testing in the mess hall. Reminder that it is very unprofessional to spread rumors about other personnel. Test, 914-0168. Name, Dr. Western. Date, November 11, 2017. Total items, 1 piece of paper referencing Input, 1 piece of paper referencing Setting, fine. Output, test, 914-0169. Name, researcher. Date, December 8, 2017. Total items, 110kg ingot of copper, 110kg ingot of tin, 1,500g block of wood, 1,100g spool of cloth, 150g nugget of copper, 150g nugget of tin, 2.5g of wood, a 0.5g patch of cloth, and 2 photographs of SCP-914. Input, 110kg ingot of copper, 110kg ingot of tin, 1,500g block of wood, 1,100g spool of cloth, 1 photograph of SCP-914. Setting, very fine. Output, 1 miniature model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths, and a miniature setting knob and mainspring key. The miniature model was tested to determine if it functions similarly to the SCP-914. Input, 150g nugget of copper, 150g nugget of tin, 2.5g of wood, a 0.5g patch of cloth, 1 photograph of SCP-914. Setting, very fine. Output, 1 even smaller model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths, and a miniature setting knob and a mainspring key. Note, it's SCP-914 all the way down, researcher. Test, 914-017-0. Name, Dr. Hadian. Date, December 18th, 2017. Total items, 1 roll of yarn, and 1 porcelain teapot, full. Input, the above items, setting fine. Output, 1 teapot, still porcelain, of the same make as the input. However, it was filled with a viscous multicolored fluid. Additionally, the yarn was replaced with a length of brown string that has a vaguely earthy scent to it. Further testing shows the teapot's contents to be chemically similar to organic fibers, particularly those bound on the coats of several subspecies of sheep, while the string appears to be made from the remains of a plant of the family theaceae. Note, how did it even do that, Dr. Hadian? Test, 914-0171. Name, Dr. Obbs. Date, January 6th, 2018. Total items, 2 TARDIS FLIGHT CONTROL TOYS, 10th and 11th. Input, 1 TARDIS FLIGHT CONTROL TOY, 10th. Setting, very fine. Output, the TARDIS FLIGHT CONTROL TOY changed era, going from 10th to 5th, though a toy of this era never existed. Input, 1 TARDIS FLIGHT CONTROL TOY, 11th. Setting, very fine. Output, same as previous item. Note, the chicky bugger is saying 5th is better. Dr. Obbs. Test, 914-0172. Name, Dr. Melos. Linguistics. Date, January 20th, 2018. Total items, 50 English Russian dictionaries. Note, let's see if we can look into some known to unknown languages. All 50 tests will be done on the 1-1 setting. Melos. Input, 1 English Russian dictionary. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 Swahili-Mongolian dictionary. Note, yes, we're on the right track. Melos. Test, 2-35, omitted. Input, 1 English Russian dictionary. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 Mayan hieroglyzics, Egyptian hieroglyzics dictionary. Note, I got excited there for a moment. Might need to look up the Rosetta Stone. Melos. Test, 37-42, omitted. Input, 1 English Russian dictionary. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 Klingon Arabic dictionary. Note, finally an alien language. Melos. Note, no, that's from a TV show. Assistant researcher. Note, damn. Melos. Input, 1 English Russian dictionary. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 book listing human foodstuff dishes for many occasions with presumed alien foodstuff dishes for those same occasions with images of normal human and presumed alien foodstuffs. The human dishes are indescribed in French. The alien dishes are described in an unknown language using the international phonetic alphabet. Note, who set this thing to fine? Well, at least we now know how to cater to the aliens and what their food is called. Melos. Test, 45-49, omitted. Input, 1 English Russian dictionary. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 Braille English pictogram dictionary. Note, we've got a limited understanding of alien food and not much else. I'll need to rethink my strategy here. Melos. Test, 914-0173. Name, Dr. Sato. Date, January 21st, 2018. Total items, 1 copy of blanks report. Input, 1 copy of blanks report. Setting, 1-1. Output, nothing. Note, Dr. Sato believes that rather than there having not been any output, but rather blank managed to retrieve it before any results could be examined. Test, 914-0174. Name, Dr. Ochre. Date, January 25th, 2018. Total items, 1 junction field effect transistor. Input, 1 junction field effect transistor. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 miniature model ojango bet. Note, not a bad pun. Dr. Ochre. Test, 914-0175. Name, Dr. J. Date, February 7th, 2018. Total items, 5 IMI Desert Eagles chambered of 50 cal AE. Unloaded. Input, 1 IMI Desert Eagle 50 cal AE. Setting, rough. Output, approximately 4.4 pounds of metal chunks. Consists with the weight of one such Desert Eagle. Input, 1 IMI Desert Eagle 50 cal AE. Setting, coarse. Output, 1 fully disassembled Desert Eagle. Each component sorted based on size. Input, 1 IMI Desert Eagle 50 cal AE. Setting, 1-1. Output, 1 IWI Jericho 941. Note, the Jericho is a pistol also designed and manufactured by IMI with cosmetic similarities to the Desert Eagle. Input, 1 IMI Desert Eagle 50 cal AE. Setting, fine. Output, a small cannon, weighing 4.4 pounds. The back is capable of being opened up to load 150 cal AE round. A small trigger is located on the top of the cannon. Note, this brings a whole new meaning to a hand cannon. We'll place output in the site armory. Dr. J. Input, 1 IMI Desert Eagle 50 cal AE. Setting, very fine. Output, a small clockwork bird, apparent similar to that of a bald eagle. It appears to behave similar to an actual bald eagle, except far more docile. Note, I don't know what I was expecting, but a clockwork bird was not even a possibility I thought of. On occasion, the bird seems to make varying pitch clicking in some sort of melodic pattern. Dr. J. Update, it dawned on me that the pattern of notes it plays is to that of the American National Anthem, Star-Spangled Banner. I am keeping it and naming it Kennedy. Dr. J. Test, 914-0176. Name, Dr. Hadian. Date, February 17th, 2018. Total items, one printed copy of a JavaScript program, created by Dr. Hadian for recreational purposes. Input, the aforementioned manuscript. Setting, very fine. Output, a series of origami cranes that took off as soon as the chamber was open. Flying in irregular patterns. Most of the cranes collided with the doorway and fell straight to the ground. Exhibiting no further anomalous properties. Note, the program input was an application similar to the app Flappy Bird. Note, that was interesting. I'll have to see about something a little more complex, Dr. Hadian. Test, 914-0177. Name, Dr. Hadian. Date, February 17th, 2018. Total items, one printed copy of a JavaScript program, meant to be a chatbot. Input, the aforementioned manuscript. Setting, very fine. Output, a small paper mache head that spoke in a choppy, occasionally non-sequitur fashion. In spite of its ability to communicate, the head appears to lack true sentience, instead repeating backphrases taught to it in a few other basic English sentences. Note, about what I expected, I could be mistaken, but it would appear that even though SCP-914 is a mechanical device, machine code is still somehow understood by it. This would make sense, with the interpretation that it functions based on the meaning of objects, and given the explicit functionality of most programming languages, we might be able to achieve more stable results this way, Dr. Hadian. Test, 914-0178. Name, Researcher Mick. Date, February 21st, 2018. Total items, one printed copy of a JavaScript program, self-learning chatbot. 5kg of tin with 5% silver, 10g of copper, 500g of plastic. Note, this is a continuation of the test of Dr. Hadian, Researcher Mick. Input, one printed copy of a JavaScript program, self-learning chatbot. 5kg of stainless steel, 10g of copper, 500g of plastic. Setting, very fine. Output, same as the last time, but made of stainless steel. The voice was similar to the chatbot Eevee. When connected to a computer using a USB cable, it will start speaking to you similar to the chatbot Clevrbot. Further test logs awaiting O5 approval. Note, the head is supposedly sentient according to the people who first talked to it, which could be wrong because the program code was simple and when used in a normal computer, is not sentient. Test, 914-0179. Name, Dr. Hadian. Date, February 22nd, 2018. Total items, one manuscript of a simple JavaScript program, one fluorescent light bulb. Note, the code in question was a program devised to have the bulb turn on if it was being held right side up. This test is to see if SCP-914 will comply in fabricating such an object. Input, the aforementioned materials. Setting, very fine. Output, a luminescent mass, opaque, with a smoky white color. The object could be moved without difficulty, but it would not rotate in any fashion, except in a way that kept it perpendicular to the floor. In all attempts to defy this property, it has proven immobile, causing the tester's hand to slip, defying gravity, and in one case, shattering the shaft of a power tool rigged the turn it over. Note, we'll chalk that one up as inconclusive. Certainly an interesting paperweight though, Dr. Hadian. Test, 914-0180. Name, Dr. Sadow. Date, February 24th, 2018. Total items, one unloaded electric airsoft M16 rifle. Input, one unloaded electric airsoft M16 rifle. Setting, 11. Output, one pool action crossbow with a hollow stock. Three carbon fiber bolts with electronic device serving as a bolt head. Note, the mass of the bolt was equal to that of the original gun stock, which appeared to be made of carbon fiber. Researchers suspect that the device serves as a tracker, but has no means of confirming it without potentially compromising the product. Input, one of said carbon fiber bolts. Setting, fine. Output, a single construction bolt with some sort of mechanism on it. Note, experimentation has revealed that the bolt is self-screwing, using what is likely a small motor. The self-screwing takes effect after light manual labor is applied. Test, 914-0181. Name, Dr. Hertz. Date, February 28th, 2014. Total items, four assorted recordable compact discs, CDRs containing music samples. Input, one CDR containing a recording of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Fortunate Son, 1969. Setting, rough. Output, one CDR containing a recording of Fortunate Son, later identified as being covered by the Shags, a 1960s rock band known for terrible performances. Notably, the Shags were not known to have ever performed a song. Input, one CDR containing a recording of Neil Diamond's I'm a Believer, 1967. Setting, 11. Output, one CDR containing a recording of the Monkey's I'm a Believer, 1967. Input, one CDR containing a recording of the High School, located in Class of Student Orchestra, performing Paco Bell's Canon and D. Setting, fine. Output, one CDR containing a professional orchestral rendition of Paco Bell's Canon and D. The performer later identified as the Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra. No, Dr. Hurts was known to appear giddy and excited upon discovery of this result. Input, one copy of Iolian Memories, a self-published album with 21 songs composed, written, performed on guitar, and sung by Dr. Hurts in a spare time, while moonlighting as a musical artist. Setting, very fine. Output, one CDR. Upon further inspection, the music had been replaced with five tracks of complete silence, followed by the first chapters of the audio books Learn to Sing 101 by Karen Sermonny, Teach Yourself to Play a Guitar by David Brewster, and Songwriting for Dummies by Dave Austin et al. Note, at this point, Dr. Hurts was restrained and firmly escorted out of Research Cell 109-B for attempting to damage SCP-914, and yelling about quote, the ████████, what thinks it's being ████████, funny, unquote. He has been temporarily suspended from the SCP-914 research program for unprofessional behavior. Test 914-0182 Name, Dr. Rook, Technician ██████ Date, March 10, 2018 Total Items 1 Manuscript of a Javascript Program, Self-Learning Chatbot 1 Manuscript of a Javascript Program, Convolutional Neuro Network Model 1 Mechanical Pocket Watch 1 Photo of a Bird Pica Cericia Note, the previous test done with mechanical parts and code sections with Dr. Hadian and Researcher Mick and Treat Me, Dr. Rook. Input, 1 Manuscript of a Javascript Program, Self-Learning Chatbot, 1 Manuscript of a Javascript Program, Convolutional Neuro Network Model 1 Mechanical Aluminum and Silver Pocket Watch 1 USB 1 Photo of a Bird Pica Cericia Setting, very fine. Output, a mechanical bird roughly the size of a large pocket watch. Resemble to Korean magpie in shape. The bird seemed to be made with a mix of clockwork and realistic metal plumage. By some unknown mechanism, it could hover for brief periods, roughly 45 seconds in the air, though its base material, aluminum and silver, should have prohibited it from doing so. It could not speak in this form, though it displayed considerable intelligence and responded to people speaking to it. When connected to a computer via USB cable, the bird was able to speak through the computer's speakers. It was capable of speech comparable to an eight-year-old child's, though speech patterns significantly improved after several conversations. It acted remarkably similar to a live magpie. Other than the mechanical bird, three-folded sheets of blank paper were found in the output chamber. Close announcements revealed that they had no anomalous properties, placed in item storage. Note, I'm keeping the bird for some more research on how 914 could be used to create automated objects. One of the first tests recorded included a clockwork bird, so that's where this came from. Dr. Hadrian was right. Think of the possibilities, Dr. Rook. Note, no matter how much Dr. Rook's Robbie resembles a young child during communication, the result of this test has not yet been verified to be fully sent in. Test 914-0183 Name, Dr. Joe Date, March 13th, 2018 Total items, three white paper origami swans weighing 29 grams each Input, one paper swan, setting rough Output, one crumpled piece of white paper weighing 29 grams Input, one paper swan, setting 1-1 Output, one paper fortune teller, popular with young school children with no writing on it weighing 29 grams Input, one paper swan, setting fine Output, one paper model with Cygnus buccanator Trumpeter swan, the size and mass of the original origami swan However, this model is entirely anatomically correct to Cygnus buccanator in every way, with some organ systems being made of seemingly impossibly thin layers of paper. The model displays no anomalous properties. Note, interesting, 914 created a model of my personal favorite species of swan from the original paper one. Sentience or coincidence? I need to do more tests, but first make sure that model is saved in fragile, non-anomalous item storage. It could be useful at a later date. Dr. Joe Test, 914-0184 Name, Dr. O'Brien Date, March 25th, 2018 Total items, three different pieces of communication on paper medium Input, one type thesis title, an experimental study on the stress limits of metals and corrosive liquids, as submitted by D914-29 Setting, very fine Output, one type thesis title, a complete experimental study on the stress limits of metals and various environments. A review of the output by the subject and subsequently studied by appropriate personnel revealed no anomalous properties. The output contains research on several experiments not included in the original input, with suggestions on how to vastly improve the strength of metals in a wide variety of situations. A review of the output is being conducted by the facilities and engineering department to test to see if these findings can improve security within the foundation. Input, one page of sheet music from Ellen's Third Song by Schubert, as submitted by D914-86 Setting, very fine Output, tiny, 5 centimeter by 5 centimeter or 2 centimeter origami music box Upon opening the box, a clear melody identified as the song Ellen's Third Song could be heard by all researchers in the area facility, including those who should be well out of range of being able to hear. Subject D914-86 began singing along with the music, despite not showing any previous indication of knowing either Latin or taking singing lessons. After the conclusion of the piece, subsequent experiments confirmed that she could not sing. Input, one copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, as submitted by D914-77 Setting, very fine Output, one slightly warmer copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People D914-77 was sent back to their cell and monitored, showing no anomalous behavior after a week of review. Note, D914-77 and two guards have been reported as missing. Security footage shows the guards opening several doors and escorting D914-77 off the premises and driving them to a nearby restaurant. When a security team was sent there to retrieve the subject, a conflict began between the patrons of the restaurant and the security team, with the patrons refusing to allow the security team close to D914-77. An order was given with O4 clearance to destroy the location, as a possible memetic anomaly may have occurred. Although the remains of D914-77 have not been positively identified, security footage suggests that no one escaped the building prior to its demolition. Local media have been alerted to the fact that the destruction was caused by a broken gas main in the restaurant's kitchen. Note, a full memetic screening will be made whenever media provided by SCP-914 is consumed. Please refer to Incident Report 914-IR-6187 for further details. Test, 914-0185. Name, Dr. Mannheim. Date, March 25, 2018. Total items, one USB drive with a text file containing the source code of Creeper. Note, Creeper was one of the first computer viruses ever made, and the systems it operated on are now 100% obsolete. Organic materials have been intentionally omitted from this test, in case SCP-914 decides to translate that into an actual biological virus. A hazardous materials team was on standby to make sure nothing that came out of 914 presented a threat to the facility or its occupants. Input, Creeper source code on USB drive. Setting, very fine. Output, a metallic figure, green in color and vaguely phallic. The object self-destructed upon being removed from SCP-914 in a manner comparable to a commercial firework. The remains have shown no anomalous properties. Note, well, that was anti-climatic. Dr. Mannheim. Test, 914-0186. Name, Dr. Q. Date, March 25, 2018. Total items, one camera, broadcasting to a monitor. Input, one camera, setting 11. Output, 17 seconds after entering. Video feed showed a series of gears before abruptly cutting off. Regained contact about 21 seconds before leaving the output door, but from a different camera. Test, 914-0187. Name, Dr. Q. Date, March 25, 2018. Total items, one mirror. Input, one mirror, setting 11. Output, a similar mirror in a different shape. Note, that was disappointing. I'll try it on fine. Dr. Q. Input, one mirror, setting fine. Output, one mirror reflecting 100% of white. Input, previous mirror, setting very fine. Output. Dr. Q went blind for about 5 minutes. Object destroyed. Input, one blank sheet of paper, setting very fine. Output, top half of SCP-571, incinerated. Test, 914-0188. Name, Dr. Western. Date, March 25, 2018. Total items, two USB drives containing the first 500 digits of Pi. Input, one USB drive is mentioned above. Setting, 11. Output, a USB drive containing 500 seemingly random digits with no apparent pattern. Input, one USB drive is mentioned above. Setting, very fine. Output, a USB drive containing an unknown number of digits. It is currently theorized that this number is Graham's number, due to the USB drive's storage size. Test, 914-0189. Name, Researcher M. N. Selman. Date, March 25, 2018. Total items, three copies of Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. Text in the original German. Input, a copy of Mein Kampf, setting 11. Output, a book titled How to Make Friends, Influence People, and then Murder Them. Subtitled, How to Be a Dickhead for Dummies. Text mostly consists of hyperbolic German profanity. Input, a copy of Mein Kampf, setting fine. Output, a pile of ashes. Input, a copy of Mein Kampf, setting very fine. Output, an animate 45 cm tall origami caricature of Adolf Hitler. Object does not appear to be sapient, but is able to vocalize a nonstop stream of threats and boasts. Voice confirmed to be that of the original Adolf Hitler. Object also noted to often clumsily fall over or bump into walls while goose-stepping about. Object is harmless and mildly regenerative. The origami will refold as disrupted, and can be kicked by researchers of the form of stress management at their discretion. Note, outside of the testing area please, I should not need to specify that. Dr. Beritas. Test, 914-0190. Name, Assistant Researcher Kendrick. Date, April 13th, 2018. Total items, 10 g of table salt. Input, 5 g of table salt. Setting fine. Output, salt is compressed into the shape of a garden snail. Cornu aspersum. It broke apart when attempting to remove it from the booth. Input, 5 g of table salt. Setting very fine. Output, a garden snail composed of salt that was alive for approximately 5 seconds before breaking apart. Test, 914-0191. Name, Researcher Rianty S. Date, April 22nd, 2018. Total items, 4 2-Kabbity Kleistern Power Amplifier. Input, 1 2-Kabbity Kleistern Power Amplifier. Setting coarse. Output, a disassembled Kleistern Power Amplifier. Size of individual component consistent with the dimension of original device. Input, 1 2-Kabbity Kleistern Power Amplifier. Setting 1-1. Output, 1 Traveling Wave Tube. TWT Power Amplifier. Testing reveals identical performance to original Kleistern Power Amplifier. Further examination pending to determine any anomalous qualities. Input, 1 2-Kabbity Kleistern Power Amplifier. Setting fine. Output, a device comprised of complex structure within presumably a resonating cavity, along with an electron source and output port on opposite side of each other. A flawed judgment of the device's structural integrity leads to the partial destruction of the device due to mishandling. The function or the capability of the device remains unknown. Input, 1 2-Kabbity Kleistern Power Amplifier. Setting very fine. Output, 1 ornate reflex Kleistern Oscillator. The size of the device is notably smaller than original input. The device is adorned with an unusual amount of ornament, depicting patterns consistent with GOI-004C, Maxwellus Church, iconography. Power Output and bandwidth of the device remains within original specification. Test, 914-0192. Name, Dr. Katz. Date, April 25th, 2018. Total items, 1 brandless TV remote. Input, 1 brandless TV remote. Setting very fine. Output, Output, a TV remote that when pointed at an object, activated the corresponding control. Note, don't use the fast forward control in any more D-class. We can pause them if they're being particularly annoying. Maybe mute them? Dr. Katz. Test, 914-0193. Name, Dr. Zakskir. Date, April 26th, 2018. Total items, 1 page of instructions for a kineto-glyph. Input, 1 page of instructions for a kineto-glyph. Setting fine. Output, a small instruction mail displaying instructions for creating multiple complex kineto-glyphs. 87% of the instructions are not physically able to be performed by humans. Note, I would gladly put this to use. Dr. Zakskir. Test, 914-0194. Name, Dr. Tiore. Date, April 26th, 2018. Total items, 1 copy of the Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim. 1 USB drive contained the entirety of the manga JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 5, Bento Ario. Input, 1 copy of the Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim. Setting 11. Output, 1 copy of the Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion. Input, 1 aforementioned USB drive. Setting fine. Output, 1 USB drive containing an animated adaptation of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 5, Bento Ario, with English subtitles. Note, I'm just gonna keep this for myself. For research, of course. Dr. Tiore. Test, 914-0195. Name, Professor Snyder. Date, April 26th, 2018. Total items, 5 Yellow Cabin dish bananas. Input, 1 banana. Setting rough. Output, a small pile of dry banana flour. Input, 1 banana. Setting coarse. Output, banana puree. Input, 1 banana. Setting 1-1. Output, 1 plantain. Input, 1 banana. Setting fine. Output, fried banana chips. Input, 1 banana. Setting very fine. Output, a banana shaped bar of yellow soap. Surface bill slippery even when dry. Test, 914-0196. Name, Professor Snyder. Date, April 26th, 2018. Total items, 5 500ml samples of SCP-999 slime. Note, SCP-999 was at first eager to donate samples when asked, although it was visibly nervous when presented with a syringe, requiring gentle reassurance and calming before cooperating. Samples were extracted successfully without further incident, though weather or not SCP-999 feels pain is still unknown. Input, 500ml sample of SCP-999 poured directly into input chamber. Setting rough. Output, cloud of orange colored gas which quickly dissipated into the air. No harmful effects were found, though Professor Snyder noted it smelled like burning hair. Input, 500ml sample of SCP-999. Setting coarse. Output, piled a waxy crystalline orange granules with a mild orange scent. Chemical announces identified it as flavored sucrose, aka rock candy. When tasted, granules were found to have an extremely unpleasant flavor described as overwhelmingly disgustingly sweet with an alcohol-like undertaste. Input, 500ml sample of SCP-999. Setting 1-1. Output, 500ml of orange liquid with the viscosity of water, extremely greasy to the touch, became sticky when dried, smelled mildly of peanuts. Input, 500ml sample of SCP-999. Setting fine. Output, a frozen block of SCP-999 slime. Attempting to melt back to liquid form resulted in a pile of orange sludge, much thicker and more adhesive than before. Further heating resulted in discovering its napalm-like qualities. Input, 500ml sample of SCP-999. Setting very fine. Output, a small spherical blob of translucent azure-colored slime, roughly 12cm in diameter, with a strong garlic-like odor. Found to be mobile and sentient, and capable of making gurgling, chirping vocalizations similar to SCP-999, but at a much deeper pitch. The entity, designated E-999A, was a mainly hostile to all staff. Attempting to either leap upon researcher's faces, or headbutt their shins via rolling across the floor at high speed, though a small size of mass prevented it from doing more to mild bruising. Addendum, E-999A was eventually contained and presented to SCP-999, with the assumption that this was its offspring, and that SCP-999 could teach it to become more docile. SCP-999 instead reacted with immediate hostility, attacking E-999A with its pseudopods while E-999A rolled around SCP-999, emitting loud growling and snarling noises while dodging. SCP-999 finally eliminated E-999A roughly two minutes later, via engulfing it with two pseudopods, rapidly dissolving E-999A inside its body, similar to how SCP-999 digested its meals. Note change in SCP-999's color or demeanor following the incident has been noted. However, it is the first and thus only time that SCP-999 has ever reacted to anything with hostility or violence. Mentioning E-999A to SCP-999 resulted in immediately ignoring whoever speaks to it, often by wandering off to play with a nearby object or person. Further research involving SCP-999 slime is temporarily suspended, safe for researchers with at least level 3 clearance, and any experiments involving SCP-999 and SCP-914 are completely prohibited. Note Professor Snyder is currently facing disciplinary action due to violation of biological safety protocol. The next one I catch is losing their clearance indefinitely, Dr. Barotos. Test 914-0197 Name Dr. Pattinson Date April 27th, 2018 Total Items A Pencil and a Sketchbook Input A Pencil and a Sketchbook First Page has the word mouse handwritten on it Setting 11 Output A Pencil and a Sketchbook First Page has the drawing of the cartoon character Mickey Mouse Input A Pencil and a Sketchbook Second Page has the word bird handwritten on it Setting 11 Output A Pencil and a Sketchbook Second Page has the drawing of the cartoon character Tweety from the Looney Tunes Input A Pencil and a Sketchbook Third Page has the word girl handwritten on it Setting Bind Output A Pencil and a Sketchbook Third Page has the detailed drawing of a young girl smiling, accompanied by the aforementioned cartoon character Tweety and Mickey Mouse Note Dr. Pattinson requested that he temporarily stop the testing and was visibly distressed Pattinson claimed it resembles his deceased daughter who enjoyed the characters After a while, he insisted to continue after recollecting himself Input A Pencil and a Sketchbook Fourth Page has 914 handwritten on it Setting Very Fine Output A heavily used pencil and a sketchbook The rest of the pages of the sketchbook were drawn on to create a flipbook style animation of gears turning Test 914-0198 Name Dr. Hadion Date April 28, 2018 Total Items Tax Form 1040A Blank Input Affirmation Tax Form Setting Very Fine Output A crumpled-up piece of paper Dr. Hadion reported rapid onset migraines on attempted to retrieve it, possibly due to anomalous properties Input Previous Output Setting Rough Output A fine spray of sawdust, along with an unidentified black smoke that dissipated quickly Remains showed no anomalous properties Note That was cathartic, Dr. Hadion Test 914-0199 Name Dr. Nysmith Date April 29, 2018 Total Items One Credit Card And One Piece of Paper Input Dr. Nysmith's Credit Card Setting Very Fine Output A similar credit card covered with a series of unidentified corporate insignias and the phrase Rank LF Infinite Money Privileges Note Dr. Nysmith I don't think I need to remind you that SCP-914 is not to be used for personal financial gain, but it seems I was wrong. Consider this an official warning, Dr. Coltrane Input A printout of the above note from Dr. Coltrane Setting Very Fine Output A printout of a note reading Dr. Nysmith I didn't even think of using SCP-914 for personal financial gain, but that seems like a solid idea. Consider this official permission to reap the fruits of your labor. O511 Note Guess I have no choice but to keep the new card. I have written permission on file if anyone has any questions. Dr. Nysmith