 Chapter 36 of Manners and Rules, this is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Manners and Rules, Chapter 36, Hunting and Shooting Ladies in the hunting field. There is no arena better fitted to display good riding on the part of women than the hunting field in no better opportunity for the practice of this delightful accomplishment and for its thorough enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argues cruelty of disposition and unwombly feeling to join in the pursuit of a poor, miserable hunted fox who were still to be in at the death and that women are liable to be carried away by the enthusiasm of the hour to applaud and to witness what they would otherwise shrink from. This argument has a certain weight and deters many from actually hunting who would otherwise join in the sport and they make a compromise by regularly attending the meets and even witnessing a throw-off of a fox-brake covert. Every strong point that a rider possesses is brought out in the field. The canter in the row, the trot through the country lanes or the long country ride are very feeble substitutes for the intense enjoyment experienced when taking part in a good run. The excitement felt and shared in by the whole field exhilarates and stimulates and renders fatigue a thing out of the question not to be thought of until the homeward ride is well over. Considering the number of ladies who hunt the accidents that occur are surprisingly few and the obvious reason that ladies do not attempt to hunt less their skill as good horsewoman is beyond all question. Their husbands, their fathers, their brothers would not allow them to jeopardize their lives unless the riding and experience, their courage, their nerve and their instruction justify the attempt. There are also two other weighty considerations necessary to success a good mount and a good lead. The father or husband invariably selects the one and the friend, either of the fair rider or of the husband or brother gives the all important lead without which few ladies venture upon hunting save those few who are independent enough to cut out their own work. Ladies who are naturally fond of riding cannot always indulge in the pleasure of hunting on the ground of expense, for instance. A lady may possess a fairly good horse for ordinary purposes to ride in the row or for country exercise but very few gentlemen of moderate means can afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their families as well as for themselves although in fiction this is freely done. The lady has one good hunter of her own she may expect two days hunting a week providing the country is not too stiff and the meats are fairly convenient. Occasionally a mount may be obtained from a good-natured friend whose stud is larger than his requirements but this is not to be depended upon in everyday life and popular ladies and first-rate riders are more on the way of receiving these attentions than the general run of ladies. As regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting field there are two opinions respecting its advisability apart from the question of whether it is or is not a feminine pursuit. The long ride home in the November and December twilight in the company of some member of the hunt who has become the young lady's cavalier for the time being is not to the taste of many parents. Shaperonich must of necessity be greatly dispensed with in the hunting field and this is an objection which many fathers advance against their daughters hunting. Some husbands entertain equally strict views on this head in our opinion that the boldest rider and the best lead to follow in the field is not always the guest they would most desire to see at their own firesides. Hunt breakfast. A lady should not go to a hunt breakfast at the house of a country gentleman if unacquainted with him or some member of his family unless asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance. All gentlemen riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not have the privilege of entering any house where a hunt breakfast is given and accepting the hospitality offered. The breakfast which is in reality a cold collation with the addition of wine, liqueurs, ale, etc. is usually laid out in the dining room and no ceremony whatever is observed. The gentlemen come and go as they please. The mistress of the house should either be present at the hunt breakfast and receive the ladies who arrive in the hall or dining room or she should receive them in the drawing room where refreshments should be brought to them. When a hostess intends riding to the hounds she is often mounted before her neighbors arrive in which case she invites them to enter the house for refreshments if they care to do so. Gentlemen who go down into a country for a few days riding only sell them where paint and prefer riding to hounds in black coats. The members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of course but it is considered better taste for a stranger to wear a black coat meant to appear in a new, very new unspecred one. Sporting Terms Persons unversed in matters pertaining to country life and country sports, town bread and who have had little or no opportunity of acquiring a knowledge of the subject from personal experience, can hardly fail to commit many various mistakes when brought into contact with sportsmen and their sports. A knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms and the etiquette observed by sportsmen has only arrived at by associating with those thoroughly conversant with the subject and with whom sport has formed part of their education, so to speak. The shooting season commences on the 12th of August with Grouse shooting in the north of England, Scotland and Ireland. Partridge shooting commences on the 1st of September and terminates on the 1st of February. The finest partridge shooting is allowed by general consent to be found in the eastern counties. Partridge driving does not take place until January to any great extent. Pesant shooting commences the 1st of October and terminates the 1st of February. Hairs may be shot up to the 1st of March. Rabbits may be shot all the year round. Rooks are shot during the spring and summer. It is difficult to make a would-be sportsman comprehend the strict etiquette maintained between the owners of manners. That is to say, he would think nothing of crossing the boundary of his host manner, gun in hand, if he felt inclined to follow a bird or hair he had wounded. Oblivious of the fact that in the first place the greatest punctiliousness is observed between gentlemen in the matter of trespassing on each other's lands without shooting. Not unless the greatest intimacy existed, a sportsman would hardly venture to pick up his dead bird if it had fallen on a neighbor's manner and would on no account look for a wounded bird but for a dead one only. In the second place, he would carefully observe the rule of leaving his gun on his own side of the boundary and would certainly not carry it with him to his neighbor's land. Those are points that strangers invited for a few days shooting very often fall foul of, creating thereby much unpleasantness for their host through their ignorance and inexperience. When a gentleman is invited to join a shooting party it would not be necessary for him to take a loader with him as his host would find a man to perform that office for him capable of performing that duty. But if you were residing in the neighborhood he would as a matter of course take his loader with him when asked to join a shooting party and in both cases he would shoot with two guns as to shoot with one gun only causes a vexatious delay. If we could cause a offense to sportsmen as for gentlemen to be noisy when out shooting that is to say to be loudly talkative or boisterously merry or given to indulge in exclamations when the bird rises or when a bird is missed your true sportsman maintains a strict silence. There are numberless other points relating to field sports wherein the inexperienced sportsman is apt to give offense but which would take up too much space to enter into in a work of this description. The fees or tips to the gamekeepers vary from ten shillings to five pounds according to the number of days shooting enjoyed or the extent of the bag. For one day's portrait shooting the tip to the head gamekeeper would be a sovereign for a good day's pheasant shooting as much as two sovereigns would probably be given. A gentleman who does not tip or fee up to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in a battu. The cost of a game license is three pounds in last 12 months from the 1st of August to the 31st of July the following year or two pounds from the 1st of August to the 31st of October or two pounds from the 1st of November to the 31st of July in the following year or one pound for 14 days. End of Chapter 36 Chapter 37 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording. While LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manners and Rules Chapter 37 Shaking Hands The etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an open question. It is distinct enough and simple enough for all exigencies but yet there is individual temperament to be taken into account which in many drives etiquette is out of the field. If by etiquette is understood not merely stiff propriety of action but politeness in the truest sense of the word and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do. Etiquette rules when to shake hands and when not to do so when to bow and when not to bow but in spite of this knowledge which is within everyone's reach there are many mistakes made on this head. For instance shake hands when expected to do so. Another offers to shake hands three times. One displays unwarranted warmth in shaking hands. Another extends two fingers only. One shakes hand in a limp and uncomfortable manner and takes the extended hand merely to drop it. Another literally pumps the extended hand or crushes the rings into a lady's fingers when shaking hands with her. A lady who does not shake hands when expected to do so is actuated by one or other of the following reasons. She did not wish to shake hands with a certain acquaintance and preferred to bow only or she was not aware whether she should have shaken hands or not. The gentleman who shakes hands with great warmth than impressement are two distinct individuals. One is cordial and large hearted and has a friendly grasp for everyone. The grasp indicative of kindness, geniality and good fellowship. The other wishes to ingratiate himself in certain quarters and loses no opportunity of demonstratively shaky hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious imitation of the real thing. When a lady gives but two fingers to people whom she does not care about she is always a person who fancies herself and who feels very fine. She doubtless is but her good breathing and her good feeling are both in question when she takes this method of showing the superiority of herself and her position over that of other people. There are other eccentricities indulged in by different people who shake hands when they should not and people who do not shake hands when they should. It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to or upon who is introduced to her whether she should or should not shake hands. She should not shake hands being casually introduced to a person altogether a stranger to her. But yet there are so many occasions when it is both proper and correct to shake hands on being introduced that the rule on this head is a very elastic one. For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands with every stranger introduced to them at their house. A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the relations of her intended husband. A lady should shake hands and be introduced to the friend of an intimate friend. When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent with someone to whom she has been introduced and find she has much in common with her she should shake hands on taking leave. But if she has only exchanged a few commonplace sentences a bow would be all that is necessary. A lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking hands as with bowing. But in reality it is a spontaneous movement made by both lady and gentlemen at the same moment as the hand ought not to be extended or the bow given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated. A young lady should not offer to shake hands with one not expected of the honor. Shaking hands on taking leave is with some few people a graceful and pleasant fashion of saying goodbye. Intimate friends hold the hand while the last words are being said. Women hold each other's hands thus on parting and some few men take each other's hands. But with them it is a rather foreign fashion and is principally followed by those who have lived much on the continent. For as a rule an Englishman prefers the hearty English shake of the hand. A lady having once shaken hands with another should continue to do so at subsequent meetings unless a coolness a manner that a bow would be more acceptable. With regard to shaking hands at a dinner party with acquaintances, if the dinner party is a small one and there is time to shake hands it is correct to do so. But when there is little time before dinner and no good opportunity for shaking hands bows to acquaintances at distant parts of the room or when seated at the dinner table are sufficient recognition for the time being. At an evening party it depends upon opportunity whether acquaintances shake hands or not. The fashion of raising the arm when shaking hands is followed by very few in the exaggerated style in which it was first introduced. But a modification of it has distinctly become the fashion in general society. The hand instead of being extended straight out is now offered on a line or parallel with the chest a trifle higher than the old fashion style. In the fingers of the hand are held and gently shaken but the palm is not grasped or even touched. End of Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Rachel Marie Manners and Rules Chapter 38 Chaperones and Deputants An unmarried lady unless she be a maiden lady of a recognized age and standing cannot act as an orthodox chaperone. But on the other hand a young married lady could do so with the greatest propriety as could a brother from the age of 18 of other relatives it is not necessary to speak. Young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner parties without a chaperone a hostess constituting herself chaperone for the occasion dances are also given to which it is understood chaperones are not invited. The hostess again acting in that capacity but at large balls and dances chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies at theaters and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly required but at morning concerts and matinees companionship rather than chaperonage is needed as regards morning hours young ladies may now walk together in the park and elsewhere ride together attend classes together or alone go to lunch and or afternoon tea alone or together at the houses of friends and acquaintances quite unaccompanied by a chaperone they may also visit at country houses without a chaperone the hostess performing this duty at all outdoor gatherings such as garden parties tennis parties cricket matches golf meetings etc the chaperonage required is of the slightest and for which any might be made available. End of Chapter 38 Chapter 39 of Manors and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manors and Rules Chapter 39 Presentations at the Vice Regal Court Dublin Castle The drawing rooms at Dublin Castle are held by the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland and his wife in St. Patrick's Hall at 10.15 o'clock p.m. A lady who desires a presentation at the Vice Regal Court must be presented by a lady who has herself been presented there at and it is necessary that she herself be present on the occasion save under exceptional circumstances. The lady is not allowed to present more than two ladies except in special cases to be sanctioned by his Excellency. A lady who proposes being presented at a Vice Regal drawing room must send to the Chamberlain's office by 5 o'clock 3 days previous to the drawing room a card with her name and address both in town and country and a name and address of the lady by whom she is being presented distinctly written thereon and stating which drawing room she wishes to attend to be submitted to the Lord Lieutenant and his wife for their Excellency's approval. Also two presentation cards must be obtained at the Chamberlain's office two days before the drawing room if they have not previously been sent by post and must be filled in with the necessary and taken to the castle on the evening of the drawing room one to be delivered to the official stationed in the corridor and the other to be handed to the Chamberlain who will announce the name. It is requested that the names may be very distinctly written upon the cards that there may be no difficulty in announcing them. A lady attending a Vice Regal drawing room who has been already presented at the Vice Regal court must leave at the Chamberlain's office three days previous to the drawing room a card with her name and address both in town and country distinctly written thereon and stating which drawing room she wishes to attend. She must bring with her two similar cards on the evening of the drawing room one to be given to the official in the corridor and the other to the Chamberlain who will announce the name. A lady on entering the castle on the evening of a drawing room towards ten o'clock finds the hall lined with soldiers and repairs it once to the cloak room to leave wraps, etc. and to have her train dexterously arranged over one arm by a female attendant. She then proceeds up the grand staircase lined with servants and gorgeous liveries and enters the corridor where one of the presentation cards is given up to the official in attendance and she passes down the corridor into the long drawing room where a barrier of wood closing his spaces erected at the end. One of the gentlemen of the household lifts this barrier at intervals to allow of a certain number passing through to the throne room at the door of which her train is let down and arranged by men's servants. If she is to be presented the Chamberlain tells her to take off her right hand glove and if royalty is present informs her that she must make three bows and says three bows please. She gives up her second presentation card to him and he calls out her name and it is passed along to his Excellency by the gentlemen of the household. The Lord Lieutenant and his wife stand on a dais. He is standing in front of the throne which is a grand chair of state and on either side in which are known as the pens are grouped the visitors day at the castle those who have the private entree and the members of the household. The name of the lady who makes the presentation is also called out. The lady presented advances the Lord Lieutenant shakes hands with her but does not now kiss her on the cheek. She then makes him a bow and bows to his wife who bows in return. Then she retires back to the door leading into the long drawing room where her train is replaced over her arm. She then proceeds to St. Patrick's Hall or to the picture gallery. Ladies who attend the drawing room only bow to the Lord Lieutenant and his wife. He bows to them but he does not shake hands with them or kiss them. In Ireland men invariably accompany their wives to the drawing room having previously attended the Leve. They pass along the base of the semi-circle and make their bows at the same time as do the ladies. When all have been received and have assembled in St. Patrick's Hall a procession is formed. The Lord Lieutenant walking first followed by his wife whose train is carried by pages. The visitors staying at the castle follow next and then the members of the household the band station in the gallery playing God save the king the while. All those present form up in two lines a message for the procession to pass through and bow low to his Excellency and his wife as they pass. A supper is not given only light refreshments of every description. These refreshments are arranged on long tables on one side of St. Patrick's Hall and at the lower end under the gallery tables are placed for tea, coffee, wine, etc. On the opposite side of the hall red cushioned seats are placed and the company promenade in and around the picture gallery in St. Patrick's Hall during the remainder of the evening. Ladies wear full court dress as that Buckingham Palace in gentlemen uniform or court dress. Levés every noblemen or gentleman who proposes to attend a levée and who has not yet been received at the Vice Regal Court must be introduced by a noblemen or gentleman who has himself previously presented there at. A gentleman who proposes to be presented must send to the gentleman Usher's office by five o'clock, two or three days before the levée a card with his name and address both in town and country and the name and address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented distinctly written thereon to be submitted for the Lord Lieutenant's approval. He must also obtain two presentation cards from the gentleman's Usher's office and must take them to the castle on the day of the levée the one to be given to the official in the corridor and the other to be handed to the gentleman Usher who will announce the name to the Lord Lieutenant any gentleman who proposes to attend a levée having been previously presented must also take two cards with him to the castle on the day of the levée with his name and address both in town and country clearly written thereon to be given up as before mentioned. Again, a gentleman who having previously attended the levée proposes attending the drawing room is requested to bring with him one card with his name distinctly written upon it to be left in the corridor all those entitled to the private entree at Dublin Castle and availing themselves of the privilege are permitted to be accompanied only by their wives and unmarried daughters gentlemen where court dress are naval and military uniforms or the uniforms of lord lieutenants of counties or of the royal Irish constabulary etc the academic habit cannot be worn except when presenting an address from a university foreign orders and decorations cannot be worn at the court of Dublin by British subjects without special authority under his Majesty's royal license the right hand glove should be removed before presentation gentlemen who having previously attended the levée are desirous of accompanying the ladies of their families to the drawing room are requested to apply to the Chamberlain's office for an attendance card which should be brought to the castle on the evening of the drawing room and given up in the corridor the ladies in London do not count as presentations at the vise-rigle court end of Chapter 39 Chapter 40 of Manners and Rules this is a LibreVox recording all LibreVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibreVox.org recording by Rachel Marie Chapter 40 Hostessus recording guests is a very subtle one difficult to acquire but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon a mistress of a house an enviable reputation that of being a perfect hostess with some this is inbred and grace and composure and all the attendant attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally upon them but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than the many a far greater section of society has to rely upon experience to teach them with this useful accomplishment well with others time alone can aid them in overcoming natural reserve and want of confidence in themselves which stand in the way of their assuming this character with anything like success those ladies who are innately thoughtless and careless in this respect neither time nor experience can mould and what they are at the commencement of their career they remain to the end of the chapter very indifferent hostesses there are varieties of hostesses according to individual capabilities and who are known amongst their friends by these appellations first ranks the perfect or charming hostess either title suits her equally well next to her comes the good hostess she is followed by the one who is not a good hostess and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly a bad hostess among the salient points which distinguish the perfect or charming hostess are perhaps foremost a certain facility of putting each individual guest at ease conveying that the welcome she accords is a personal if not a special one simultaneously with these agreeable impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genuine qualities her charm of manner her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so plainly that she is entirely mistress of a situation these qualities insensibly react upon the guests and evoke a corresponding desire to please on their part the perfect hostess possesses yet another advantage these a readiness of speech a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and to the right person and of identifying yourself so to speak with the susceptibilities of each of her guests the good hostess is essentially what is known as a considerate hostess she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her guests in the charming hostess this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing it permeates all she does well in the good hostess it is her strongest point and upon which is founded her claim to the name the lady who bears the undesirable reputation of being not a good hostess is not good in a variety of ways she means well and does her utmost to succeed but by some contrarity of the laws which regulate domestic and social affairs the results of her efforts are always the reverse of what she would have them be the lady who is not a good hostess sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in manner when she would most desire to be cordial silent when she would be most locations and awkward when she would be at ease as there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses so there are many reasons why they prove to be bad hostesses selfishness and want of consideration for others may contribute to these as do procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time which faults and weaknesses of these produce very much the same impression upon their guests although perhaps one is a little less culpable than the other the selfish hostess is a bad hostess because providing she is amused she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused or not her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount importance instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she descends late to the drawing room to welcome them and is indifferent as to whether there is anyone to greet them or not the procrastinating hostess although she's equally in fault yet as she hastens to excuse herself when lacking in politeness to or consideration for her guests her excuses are sometimes admitted but the selfish hostess if she deans to excuse herself does so with such a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her actions but the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the offence a lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at the moment when she should be descending to the drawing room or she remains out driving when she should be returning or she puts off making some very important arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought of if it has not to be dispensed with altogether everything that she does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination her invitations, her orders and engagements are one and all affected against time and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or satisfaction of the hospitality put forth the bad hostess walks into her drawing room when many of her guests are assembled either for a dinner party or afternoon tea and shakes hands in an awkward, abashed manner almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the mistress of the house the host is not a disease he is provoked at having to make excuses for his wife and the guests are equally constrained if the host is of sarcastic turn of mind he never afrains from saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance my dear, you were perhaps remarked you are doubtless not aware that we have friends dining with us this evening this remark renders the guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed and this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening with a host whose brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed the mode of receiving guests is determined by the nature of the entertainment a welcome accorded to some two or three hundred guests cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to thirty guests whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to appear on the surface and should not be district in manner when shaking hands with her guests at large or small gatherings disappointments follow in the course of events and very few hostesses can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller degree at each and all of their entertainments at a ball or evening party a hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase and should remain there until the majority if not all of the guests have arrived as the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands with each addressing some courteous observation in the while not with the view of inducing them to linger on the staircase but rather of inviting them to enter the ballroom to make way for other guests at a country house the hostess should stand at the door of the ballroom and receive her guests when the guests have duly arrived a hostess at a country house ball or country house theatricals should exert herself to see that all her guests are unused if she sees that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavor to find them partners in town she is not required to do this if the chaperones have apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own relatives if she cannot give much of her own attention to them and she should change that all her guests are taken into supper at large afternoon at homes a hostess receive her guests at the open door of the drawing room and has little more time to bestow upon each than at a ball or an at home at small afternoon at homes she should receive them in the drawing room and should rise and shake hands with each arrival a hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing room and should shake hands with each in the order of arrival she occasionally finds that a trying or deal to sustain conversation between the arrival of dinner guests and the dinner being served sometimes this is prolonged for three quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of the guests who must be waited for a hostess should although she knows that her dinner is spoiled by being thus kept back and ever to make the time pass as pleasantly as possible by rendering the conversation general and making the guests acquainted with each other the hostess should be tied over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from half to three quarters of an hour is hardly perceived proves herself to be entitled to be considered a good hostess End of Chapter 40 Chapter 41 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Rachel Marie Manners and Rules Chapter 41 Ladies are frequently solicited to allow their names to be placed on the lists of lady patronesses of charity balls A ball committee is desirous of obtaining a list of influential names to lend a clap and prestige to the ball and a charity ball often numbers amongst its lady patronesses the names of many of the leading members of the nobility followed by those of the wives of the leading county gentry or by the principal residents of a watering place or county town but it is understood as a rule that the duty of giving vouchers or tickets for a charity ball is undertaken by those ladies who are more directly interested in it whose husbands are on the committee who make a point of annually attending it and thus are principally concerned in keeping it select and although in many counties and in many towns lady patronesses members of the nobility do attend yet it not unfrequently happens that out of a long list of great ladies only three or four are present at a ball the members of the leading nobility and gentry of the neighbourhood invariably lend their names to local charity balls and had the list of patrons and patronesses but beyond lending their names and in some cases sending a subscription of money towards the funds of the charity or a present of game towards the supper they have very little to do with the ball itself which is practically in the hands of the local stewards the exceptions to this rule are the charity balls held in town during the season such as the Royal Caledonian Ball the Yorkshire the Wiltshire and the Somersetshire Societies Balls on these occasions many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the balls when ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball they usually notify to the committee whether they will or will not undertake the duty of giving vouchers or tickets as the case may be some ball committees arrange that vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses to be subsequently exchanged for tickets signed and filled in with the name of the person to whom the ticket is given the lady patronesses in this case receive the money charged for the tickets and forward it to the committee after the ball with any tickets that they may not have disposed of the ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are generally those who possess a large acquaintance whose husbands are members of clubs therefore if any person ought to be tabooed for some good social reason the lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands knowledge and are thus able to give a polite refusal when tickets are applied for for persons who are not altogether desirable it is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady patronesses of a large ball to keep it thoroughly select and if not very particular respecting those for whom tickets are granted a ball, though a full one is likely to prove a very mixed affair if not somewhat objectionable by reason of the presence of persons to whom tickets should never have been granted on moral if not on social grounds and though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the increase of numbers through a general willingness on the part of the committee or the lady patronesses to grant tickets to everyone who may apply for them yet such a policy is very short-sighted and it is seldom practised by those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter as it is fatal to the reputation of a ball of persons who are objectionable are present at it in the case of a ticket being applied for a person of doubtful antecedence a lady patronesses best course is to refer the applicant to the ball committee for tickets or vouchers persons not well received in society or who have ostracised themselves have a predilection for public balls and make every effort to obtain tickets of admission and in some cases when a refusal has been pronounced by the committee of a ball the committee has been threatened with legal proceedings unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses yet not being considered advisable to place the discretion of granting tickets in their hands lest their ignorance of the world should be taken advantage of the lady patronesses of a charity ball who undertake to give vouchers or to sell tickets usually exert themselves to the utmost in inducing as many of their friends as possible to attend the ball it depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether tickets are presented or not to the lady patronesses and stewards but if the funds of the charity are not at a very low level this is generally done in recognition of their services the responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription balls are light in comparison with those of public charity balls as persons who attend subscription balls are usually on the visiting lists of one or other of the lady patronesses but with regard to county balls lady patronesses are not usually concerned in the disposal of the tickets End of Chapter 41 Chapter 42 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording A LibriVox recording are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manners and Rules Pirates of Morning The various Pirates of Morning for relatives have within the last few years been materially shortened and the change generally accepted but as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by custom In the present chapter both periods are given and it entirely depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which of the two periods is observed The time-honored custom of wearing crepe has greatly declined and with the exception of widows many do not wear it at all while others wear it as a trimming only A slider change has also taken place in favor of half-morning colors which are now more worn than black and white during the half-morning period Court morning when enjoined is imperative the orders respecting which are minutely given from the Lord Chamberlain's office and published in the official gazette but these orders only apply to persons connected with the court or to persons attending courts levies, state balls, state concerts, etc When the order for general morning is given on the day of any member of the Riverville family the order applies to all although it is optional whether the general public comply with it or not The longest period for a widows morning is two years The shorter period is 18 months Formally, crepe was worn for one year and nine months For the first 12 months the dress was entirely covered with crepe The newer fashion in widows morning is to wear crepe as a trimming only and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months While some few widows do not wear it at all during their morning it being optional wear Half-morning in the longer period commences after a year and nine months and is worn for three months and the shorter period half-morning may commence after 15 months continued for three months The period for wearing the widows cap and veil is a year and a day The veil may be crepe lease or chiffon in place of crepe It is now the fashion for young widows to wear the cap as a headdress only while others do not wear it at all Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year or for six months only or not at all After the first year white neck bands white strings to the bonnet may be worn also hats in place of bonnets further touches of white may follow during the next three months After a year gold ornaments may be worn diamonds earlier Widowers should wear morning for one year they usually enter society after three months For a parent period of morning is 12 months 10 months black 4 months half morning or 8 months black and 4 months half morning The black may be relieved with touches of white after three months crepe is optional many prefer not to wear it at all others as a trimming diamonds, earrings, brooches etc before gold at the end of three months For a son or daughter the period of morning is identical with the foregoing For very young children or children or infants the morning is frequently shortened by half this period and even to three months For a step mother the period of morning depends upon whether the step daughters reside at home or not or whether their father has been long married or whether their father's second wife has filled the place of mother to them in which case the period of morning would be for 12 months otherwise the period is six months 4 months black relieved with touches of white after two months followed by two months of half morning For a brother or sister the longest period of morning is six months the shortest period four months During the longer period these six months black should be worn for five months with a little white after two months half morning for one month after one month diamond pins and brooches etc during the shortest period these four months black should be worn for two months half morning two months For a sister in law or a brother in law the period of morning was formally the same as for a brother or sister but the four months period is now the one usually chosen for a grandparent the longest period of morning is six months the shortest four months during the longest period black should be worn for three months relieved with white after six weeks half morning for three months diamonds after one month gold after six weeks or two months during the shortest period black should be worn for two months half morning for two months the customer wearing crape may now be said to have gone out of fashion as regards etiquette black being considered adequate morning save in the case of woodhose the former crape periods were six months for parents and children three months for brothers and sisters three months for grandparents for an uncle or aunt the longest period of morning is three months the shortest period six weeks during the longest period black no crape should be worn for two months half morning one month during the shortest period black for three weeks half morning for three weeks diamonds after three weeks for a nephew or niece the periods of morning are identical with the foregoing for an uncle or aunt by marriage the period is six weeks black or three weeks black and three weeks half morning for a great uncle or aunt the longest period is two months the shortest one month during the longest period black for one month half morning for one month during the shortest period black for one month for a first cousin the longest period is six weeks the shortest one month during the longest period black for three weeks half morning for three weeks during the shortest period black for one month for a second cousin three weeks black morning for a second cousin is not obligatory but quite optional and often not worn. For husband's relations, the periods of mourning chosen are invariably the shorter ones. For a daughter-in-law or son-in-law, the periods are now shortened to six months, four months black and two months half-morning, or three months black and three months half-morning. For the parents of a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law, the period is one month black. For the parents of a first wife a second wife should wear mourning for one month black relieved with white. For a brother or sister of a first wife a second wife should wear mourning for three weeks, but this is not obligatory and depends upon the intimacy existing between the two families. Much latitude is allowed to men with regards to the foregoing periods of mourning. A hatband should be worn during the whole of each period, but it is not imperative to wear suits of black longer than half the periods given, save in the case of widowers. Servants' mourning It is customary to give servants' mourning on the death of the head of the house, which should be worn during the period the members of the family are in mourning. Mourning given to servants on the death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter. Declusion from Society The question as to how soon persons in mourning should or should not re-enter society is in some measure an open one. It is also influenced by the rules that govern the actual period of mourning adopted. A widow is not expected to enter into society under three months, and during that time she should neither accept invitations nor issue of them. Her visiting should be confined to her relations and intimate friends. After three months she should commence gradually to enter in society, but balls and dances should be avoided during the first year. For a daughter mourning for a parent the period of seclusion is six weeks as far as general society is concerned, but invitations to balls and dances should not be accepted until after six months. For a parent mourning for a son or daughter the period of seclusion is the same as that of a daughter for a parent. For a brother or sister the period of seclusion is three weeks. For grandparents the period of seclusion is from a fortnight to three weeks. For an uncle or aunt the period is a fortnight to three weeks. For all other periods of mourning seclusion from society is not considered requisite. When persons in mourning attend entering again into society they should leave cards on their friends in acquaintances as an intimation that they are equal to paying and receiving calls. When cards of inquiry have been left these visiting cards with to inquire after Mrs. A written on the top of right hand corner of the cards they should be returned by cards with thanks for kind inquiries written upon them. Until this intimation has been given society does not venture to intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning. Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule. When a death occurs in a family as soon as the day and hour for the funeral are fixed a member of the family should write to those relatives and friends it is desired should follow and should ask them to attend lest the date time and place of the funeral and the train by which to travel to the cemetery are mentioned in the newspaper together with the announcement of the death. It is a mistake to suppose that friends will offer to attend a funeral even if they are aware of the date fixed as they are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the family only or whether friends are to be included also. In the country when a doctor has attended a family for some years it is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In town this is seldom done unless a medical man is the intimate friend of the family. In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service but in town when the funeral takes place at Kenzel Green, Brookwood Cemetery or elsewhere a friend of the family is usually asked to officiate in which case it is necessary to make an early application at the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular hour. It is customary for ladies to attend the funeral of a relative if disposed to do so in which case they wear their usual mourning attire and follow in their own carriages. The doctor's certificate as to the cause of death is of primary importance and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment. Memorial cards should not be sent on the death of a relative being quite out of date as regards fashion and custom. Wreaths and crosses of white flowers are very generally sent by relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral unless no flowers by request follows the announcement of the death. When the funeral takes place before two o'clock the friend should be invited to luncheon when it takes place in the afternoon they should be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment. End of Chapter 42 Chapter 43 of Manners and Rules. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Manners and Rules Engaged It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the strictest ideas on this head and strenuously put them in force. By strict ideas is meant that an engaged couple except in the presence of a chaperone are never under any circumstances permitted to enjoy a tet-a-tet, sit together, walk together, ride together, or meet during any part of the day. Freedom and common sense dictate a middle course of action for the consideration of parents neither granting too much nor withholding too much. The length of an engagement determines in most instances the degree of latitude allowed. If it is to last two months or even less it is usual to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The circumstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position of the parents. If wealthy and a country house is part of their possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged to his daughter on a visit or one or two visits during the engagement. Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight. Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her near-relatives at all public places of amusement. If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the houses of mutual friends. They are sent in to dinner together when dining out. To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous. And this is precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should avoid being, and would rather that they were overprudent than that they should run the gauntlet of general criticism. The usual course for engaged couples to take is to go as little into society as possible during their engagement, and to make the engagement as brief as circumstances will permit. If from various causes it must of necessity be a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a mutual understanding will permit. When an engagement is first announced, if the families are not previously acquainted, the father, mother, and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect at an early date to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family, and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of the engagement. The calls should be returned, and the letters answered with the least possible delay. The engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by the mother of the engaged young lady, and if the announcement is to appear in the papers it should be sent by her. The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins. When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents should be returned on both sides. All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise returned to the donors. The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern the fact that the engagement is at an end. CHAPTER 44 SILVER WEDDINGS The German custom of celebrating silver weddings has become thoroughly recognized in this country. It is an interesting custom to celebrate the first twenty-five years of married life under the poetic title of a silver wedding. But those who can do so must be for many reasons the few rather than the many, royal personages and distinguished and prominent ones for instance, and again those in humbler walks of life, far from the maddening crowd, are also inclined to do so. But the crowd that divides them, formed of different classes and different sets in society, will hardly avail itself of the opportunity of celebrating this period of married life. Husbands as a rule dislike the fuss and parade and prominency it entails, and wives are disinclined to announce to their friends and acquaintances that they have been married five and twenty years, and are consequently not so young as they were. The entertainments given to celebrate a silver wedding are an afternoon reception and a dinner party, a dinner party followed by an evening party, a dinner party followed by a dance, or a dinner party only, of some twenty or thirty covers. Invitations are issued on at-home cards, some three weeks beforehand. The cards being printed in silver and the words Mr. and Mrs. White at home to celebrate their silver wedding printed on them, with the day and date, etc. The dinner cards should also be printed in silver, with the words Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Black's company at dinner to celebrate their silver wedding, etc. For dance the invitations should be worded Mr. and Mrs. White at home to celebrate their silver wedding, dancing printed in the corner of the card. Each person invited is expected to send a present in silver, costly or trifling as the case may be, whether the invitation is accepted or not. These presents should be exhibited in the drawing room on the day of the silver wedding, with a card attached to each bearing the name of the giver. At the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive the congratulations of their friends as they arrive. They enter the tea room together almost immediately afterwards, followed by those guests who have arrived. Refreshments are served as at an afternoon wedding tea, C. page 143, a large wedding cake is placed in the centre of the table, and the wife makes the first cut in it, as a bride would do. The health of the husband and wife is then proposed by one of the guests, drunk in champagne and responded to by the husband. At the dinner party the husband and wife go into dinner together, followed by their guests, who are sent in according to precedency. The health of the husband and wife is proposed dessert and responded to. A wedding cake occupies a prominent place on the table, and the dinner table decorations consist of white flowers, interspersed with silver. At the silver wedding dance the husband and wife dance the first dance together, and subsequently lead the way into the supper room arm in arm, and later on their health is proposed by the principal guest present. The wife should wear white and silver, or grain silver. In the country when a silver wedding is celebrated, the festivities sometimes range over three days, but this only in the case of prominent and wealthy people, balls, dinners and school treats being given, in which the neighbours, tenants, villagers and servants take part. Golden Weddings The celebration of a golden wedding is rather an English custom, and one that from circumstances can be but seldom observed. It denotes that fifty years of married life have passed over the heads of husband and wife, and is a solemn rather than a festive epic. Presence on this occasion are not so generally given, and children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances make up the circle of those who offer congratulations. End of Chapter forty-four Chapter forty-five of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Rachel Marie. Manners and Rules Chapter forty-five Subscription Dances Subscription dances are now an established fact, but whether they will ever really become a rival to the dance proper remains to be seen. Yet, as they supply a want-felt, and are recognized by society, the arrangements necessary for carrying them out should be dually noted. During the winter months they are a feature in certain sets. Subscription dances, private subscription dances, and public subscription dances. The latter got up for charitable purposes. The moderate expenses incurred by giving private subscription dances commend them to many. And there are other reasons to account for their popularity. They are without pretension to being considered smart or exclusive, and are essentially small and early dances. Fashionable ball-goers are not expected to attend them. They commence at nine o'clock and terminate at twelve. Light refreshments in lieu of supper are provided, as at an afternoon at home. See page one hundred and fifty-three. A piano band is considered sufficient for the purpose, and floral decorations are scarcely ever attempted. The invitations are issued on at-home cards, with the words subscription dance printed in one corner. Subscription dances are sometimes invitation dances and sometimes not. Tickets for these dances are charged for singly or by the series as the case may be. A certain number of ladies form a committee and agree to give a certain number of dances, and the expenses are either borne by the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of their tickets. If invitation dances, a certain number of invitations are allotted to each lady, when otherwise the ladies dispose of the tickets among their friends. These dances are usually held in a mansion, hired for the purpose. And there are several available in different parts of the West End, where spacious rooms can be hired on very moderate terms. In some instances, a piano, seats, and other accessories are also included. Public subscription dances are held in public rooms or town halls, and vouchers are given by ladies on the committee previous to tickets being granted. The same etiquette holds good at subscription dances as at other public dances. The early hour at which these dances take place recommends them to some and altogether renders them impossible to others, notably to those who dine late, and who are not inclined to dance at nine o'clock or even at ten o'clock, and who rather resent the frugal style of refreshments offered, and consider that a champagne supper is an indispensable adjunct to a dance. It should be remembered that subscription dances were first originated for the amusement of very young people, and it was never expected that they would compete with the fashionable small dances of the day. Their popularity was a surprise, and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them in contempt, there are others less fashionable and less wealthy who find them very much to their taste. The great difficulty, however, that ladies have to contend with, is the fact that there are few men can be induced to attend them, and those who do accept invitations or purchase tickets are very young men who have their way to make in the world and are as yet on the lower rungs of the ladder. And as young ladies are very much in the majority of these subscription dances, to dance with partners younger than themselves is an almost inevitable result for those who are no longer in their teens. Manors and Rules Giving Presence As regards presence in general, it should be understood that a present demands a note of thanks, in all cases when the thanks cannot be verbally expressed. The notes to slight acquaintances should be written in the third person, to friends in the first person. This applies equally to presence of game, poultry, fruit, or flowers. Some few people entertain the erroneous idea the presence of this nature do not require thanks. This is not only ungracious, but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver as to whether the present scent has been duly received. Wedding Presence When an engagement has been duly announced to relatives and friends, and it is understood that it is to be a short one, wedding presence may be sent until the day before the wedding day, and the earlier they are sent, the more convenient it is for the bride, as she is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver. In each case, a letter should be sent with the present expressing the congratulations and best wishes of the donor, and if possible, a card with the name of the giver should be attached to it for identification when the presents are exhibited. The friends of the bridegroom, and unacquainted with the bride, should send their presents to him, and he should send them to the house of the bride's mother after having written notes of thanks to the givers. Christening Presence With regard to Christening Presence, the Godfathers and Godmothers are expected to make presents to their Godchild. These should be sent the day before the Christening, and should consist of a silver mug and silver fork and spoon from the Godfathers, while a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from the Godmothers. A present of money, from five shillings to one pound, should be made to the nurse on the day of the Christening when the Godparents are relatives, but often rather than not, the sponsors are represented by proxy. Giving Tips to Servants The tips expected from ladies as the conclusion of a visit of some days are to the head housemaid from two shillings six pence to five shillings, according to the length of the visit, the same to the butler or single-handed manservant, and the same to the chauffeur. Young ladies give less when visiting by themselves. The tips expected from gentlemen are to the butler or footmen who valise them, to the chauffeur if he drives them to and from the station, to the groom if he takes charge of their hunters, also to the head housemaid. The tip to the butler or footmen who acts as valet is for a long visit from five shillings to ten shillings, and for a short visit from three shillings to five shillings, to the chauffeur five shillings in the first case, and from two shillings six pence to five shillings in the second, to the housemaid two shillings six pence to five shillings, for tips to gamekeeper see page 223. The tips given to hotel servants vary according to the length of the visit, to the head waiter from five shillings to ten shillings, to the second waiter from two shillings six pence to five shillings, to the hall porter two shillings to three shillings, to the luggage porter one shillings to two shillings, to the head housemaid in attendance two shillings six pence to four shillings. End of Chapter 46. The relatives are given in friendly notes and are not issued on at-home cards. The notice averages from a week to ten days according to circumstances, meaning the health and strength of the infant's mother. As a rule six weeks are allowed to elapse between the birth of the child and the date of the christening. The relatives are either invited to lunch in after the ceremony, or to a reception tea, or to a reception tea, or to a reception tea, or to a reception tea, or to a reception tea, or to a dinner party to be given the same evening. If a luncheon is decided upon, it generally takes place at one thirty, or earlier, immediately on the return from the church. The meal usually consists of hot vians, game or poultry, not substantial joints, hot and cold sweets, fruit to follow. A smart christening cake should occupy the centre of the table. Champagne, claret, and sherry are given, although the cake is probably the only one of the three drunk on the occasion. This, when the health of the infant is proposed, the only health which finds acceptance at these gatherings. The guests go into luncheon quite informally, the ladies and hostess entering first, followed by the men-guests and the host. They should be seated at table by the help of name cards, each lady being placed at the right hand of a gentleman, the clergyman who performs the ceremony, if a friend, should sit at the hostess's left hand, and should be asked to say grace, but in town he seldom joins these family gatherings unless well acquainted with his parishioners. A reception tea, when given, is served in the dining-room, but in this case the guests are received on arrival by the hostess in the drawing-room, and when all have arrived she accompanies them to the tea-room and remains there with them. The maid-servants should pour out and hand the tea and coffee across the tea-table, but the hostess should hand the cakes, etc., to her relatives, assisted by the host, if present. The refreshments consist of the usual variety and confectionery seen at smart, at homes, a christening cake being the addition. Christening dinner parties closely resemble all other family functions of this nature, with the exception that the infant's health is drunk at dessert, and that a christening cake is placed opposite the hostess, and the table is cleared for dessert. The christening ceremony takes place in the afternoon, usually at 2.30. The relatives on arrival at the church seat themselves in pews or on chairs near to the font. The godmother holds the infant during the first part of the service, and then places it on the left arm of the officiating clergyman. One of the godfathers should name the child in response to the clergyman's question. If the child is a girl, two godmothers and one godfather are necessary, if a boy, two godfathers and one godmother are required. These godparents are usually the intimate friends of the child's mother. In certain instances, the relatives are chosen for the office of godfather and godmother, but often are not for family reasons. Christening presents vary according to means and inclination, and often comprise gifts of jewellery when the infant is a girl, and money and silver plate if a boy, silver spoons, forks, mugs, bows, etc. The selection is a wide one, and nothing comes amiss. From a robe with fine lace to a chain pendant or a jeweled watch, these presents are usually sent the day previous to that of the Christening. Fees and tips. Only minor fees are given to those assisting at the ceremony. The officiating priest receives some little gift in old silver or china, but not of money. If, however, the parents of the child are wealthy, a check is sometimes given with a request that he will devote it to the needs of his parish. Tips to the nurse from the child's god-parents vary from five shillings to a sovereign according to individual means. End of Chapter 37 End of manners and rules of good society or solvicesms to be avoided by a member of the aristocracy.