 J. E. S. Health Health. Oh! The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with Captains of the Cloud. Better than ever. Yes, today, friends, Jell-O is better than ever. Richer and more delicious than it's ever tasted before. Because now, Jell-O's grand flavor is locked in. It's locked right into Jell-O's tiny particles to give you extra delight and a new high in dessert enjoyment. That same Jell-O goodness is there that you've always loved. That same intriguing taste that always reminds you so delightfully of the juicy ripe fruit itself. But richer, more vivid than you've ever known it. For this new Jell-O process, locks in the magic of Jell-O's marvelous flavor. Prove it for yourself. Open a package of Jell-O. Notice that there's no sweet, fruity odor. No tell-tale aroma to warn of escaping flavor. Then dissolve the Jell-O and notice how its tangy, tantalizing flavor comes gushing out. Deliciously rich, thrillingly good. So ask your grocer tomorrow for several packages of Jell-O. Now that Jell-O's swall flavor is actually locked in, it's better than ever. Captains of the Cloud played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, as is my custom every Sunday night at this time, I bring you a man who... Hold it a second, Don. Jack isn't here yet. He isn't. No, he's been wandering around in a daze ever since last Thursday. Why? What happened Thursday? That's when they had the Academy Award banquet and boy was Jack disappointed. You mean to say that Jack actually expected to win the award for best actor? Yeah. He even sold that stuffed owl on his mantle so he'd have room for the statue. Imagine. So he's still pretty upset about losing, huh? I'll say he is. I was in the drug store just now and Mr. Benny was dunking donuts in his coffee. Well, what's dunking got to do with being upset? He was splashing people all around him. See this brown suit I got on? Yeah. Well, it was great tweed when I went in. Well, personally, I can see no excuse for Jack being so mad. You'd think that... Uh-oh, quiet, fellas. Here he comes. Yeah. Well, well, well. Hello, everybody. Sorry I'm late, Don. Well, for heaven's sake, why so cheerful all of a sudden? Why shouldn't I be cheerful? It's a lovely day, the sun is shining, birds are singing. Are you sure that was coffee you were drinking? I get it. So you had to tell him about the coffee I splashed on you, eh, Dennis? Well, gee whiz, my suit is all wet. Your suit will dry out. It may dry out, but it will never be gray again. All right, brown suits are coming back. Well, let's get started with the program, shall we, Donzie? Okay, Jack, but first I'd like to say right now that you're a darn good loser. You, uh, you mean about the Academy Award? Well, I will admit I was a little perturbed at first, but I've got it all figured out, Don. I didn't lose. I was merely an unfortunate victim of circumstance. I don't get it. Me neither. Well, look, kid, the picture I should have gotten the award on is Charlie's aunt. Is that right? Yes, but... Now, let me finish, Mary. Now, if you remember... If you remember, in Charlie's aunt, I played a part of a man, and I also played a part of a woman, and I was exceptionally good in both roles. Well, for heaven's sake, what's that got to do with you're not winning the Academy Award? Simply this, the voters were baffled. They didn't know whether to elect me best actor or best actress. That's very logical. Then you're not jealous because Gary Cooper won? No, and I'm not jealous of Joan Fontaine, either. But I must say that I hadn't both worried there for a while. They're a very good friend of mine, too. So you're not jealous of Cooper, eh? Not a bit. Oh. Tell them what happened at the banquet Thursday night. Never mind. What was it, Mary? Well, all evening, Jack... Jack kept smiling everybody and bowing and pointing to the speech in his pocket. That's so. Anyhow, when they announced that Gary Cooper was the winner, Jack jumped up and yelled, Nobody leave the room. We're going to do this over. Well, you know how excitable I am. Anyway, I was the first one to congratulate Gary Cooper. I went right over and put my arm around his shoulder. You're telling me I had a boost job. I could have made it alone, sister. Anyhow, I'm glad he won. Gary and I are pals. Pals? After that silly rumor you started about him? What silly rumor? He's much too tall to be a Jap and you know it. I never called him a Jap. I said he was a Jap. A full-blooded Jap. If I don't talk plain, that's his worry. Now, let me tell you another thing. Holy smoke, get this. What's the matter, Dennis? I think my suit is shrinking. You could be growing, keep still. Forget it. No, sir, my suit is shrinking. So what? It's shrinking. Your sleeves were too long anyway. I know, but my elbows are getting cold. Dennis, what goes up has got to come down. Don't worry. Now, where was I? We were discussing the Academy Award, Jack. Oh, yes. Now, let's get this straight, fellas. I don't begrudge Gary Cooper getting recognition for best actor, but I still think I'm the most versatile. Jeepers, I can do anything. A man, a woman, do comedy, drama. I can play Holcomb. I can play Shakespeare. You can tell Christmas cards. That's seasonal. Now, take me as Hamlet. To be or not to be. That is the question. Boy, this suit is cheap material. Well, I can see I'm wasting my talent around here. Dennis, as long as you had to open your mouth, how about leaving it open and doing your song? Okay. Hold it a minute. Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. Take it, Mary. Here's a tip for you, bud, a brand new defense stamp. Here you are. Thanks. Just paste it on my head. Okay. There's an album if I ever saw one. Now, scram. Who's the wire from Mary? It's from your father. He says, uh, my dear son, congratulations on the Academy Award. You didn't do it before and you didn't do it again. Good old dad. He devoted for me. Sing, Dennis, before your suit strangles you. Love evening that trembles. Love sung by Dennis Day. Everything comes to life. Everything comes to life. That trembles. Love sung by Dennis Day. Everything I love. There's a beautiful idea for a song. Yes, sure is. Yes, sir. So sentimental. Everything I love. What do you love, Dennis? Apple pie and Hedy Lamar. Ice cream on the pie. All right, ice cream on it. That's a marvelous title, though. Everything I love. You know a song like that, 2D fruity. Forget the ice cream. I'm talking about sentiment. Oh, Don. Yes, Jack? Don, let me ask you something. What do you love? Well, I, uh, I love my little ranch out in the valley. Just as simple and pretend. I know, I know, I know. What else do you love, Don? Well, uh, I love the little woman. Hmm. Every morning when I come downstairs, she greets me with a cheery smile and a breakfast of piping hot wheat cake. Wheat cake, eh? Don, what else do you love? Well, uh, let's see. Oh, yes. It's about time. I love my St. Bernard dog. Jumbo weekend. I don't care what you call him. Don, are you going to tell us the thing you love that made me start this whole business? Or do I have to lock you in? Oh, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, I love Jello that you locked in flavor. Bingo. Jello is not only economical and easy to make, but it's America's favorite gelatin dessert. So look for the big red letters on the box. I thank you. Well, certainly glad you finally thought of it, Don. And wait until the sponsor finds out that you love your wife and home before Jello. You better watch out, Bub. I'm sorry, Jack. I'll never go home again. Oh, you don't have to go that far, Don. But watch it, that's all. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. How's the old gent with the gray hair? Oh, fine. I saw Frank Morgan at the fights the other night. And, uh, he looks well. Phil means you. I know who he means. I'll tell Frank you asked about him, Phil. Okay, I can go along with a gag. You better, brother. You know, Phil, when you... Hey, get a load of the kid. Where'd you get them knee pants, Dennis? I splashed coffee on him. That's a long story. Forget it. Oh, say, Jackson, I hate to mention it, but that's a pretty tough break you got the other night. What tough break? You know, not winning the Academy Reward. Reward. If you're talking about the award, Phil, in my opinion... Hey, what's that? Well, there goes my coat button. Dennis, don't worry about your suit. When you get home tonight, throw it away, and I'll make you... I mean, I'll buy you another one. Phil, getting back to the Academy Reward, as you so quaintly put it, I am a little bit disappointed, but those things happen. I thought I had friends, but apparently they didn't vote for me. You're right, Jackson. And there's an old French proverb that fits that to a T. It goes... Well, that proverb sounds familiar. What does it mean, Phil? Evil to him who says you stink. That's evil to him who evil thinks. No one said I'm Molly Ponce. They just didn't vote for me. Anyway... Anyway, it... It didn't bother me. I can take it. It didn't bother you, eh? Not a bit. Then why did you try to kill yourself Friday morning? I tried to kill myself. What happened, Barry? Now listen. Jack went out in the garage, closed the door, got in the Maxwell, put a rubber hose on the exhaust pipe, the other end in his mouth, turned on the ignition, stepped on the starter, the car was out of gas, and here he is. Mary, that wasn't me in the garage, so don't make up things. Well, Jack, I don't blame you for being brokenhearted. After all these years of hard work, you should have won that award. Darn right I should. I'd have won a two if it hadn't been for a... Dennis! Should I get a bow, Mr. Benny? No, pull him up. And I'll tell you something, Phil. I'd have won that award if it hadn't been for politics. I'm as good an actor as you are. What? You're as good an actor as Gary Cooper. Yes, only he's taller than I am. That's why Jimmy Stewart won it the year before. They're both taller than I am. What about the time Spencer Tracy won it? He's shorter than I am. Well, I'm five foot nine. So is Paul Muney. Yes, and they gave him the award, brother. Oh, oh yeah? Yeah. Oh yeah? Yeah. Well, well, let me tell you something. Oh yeah? I'm nuts, I'm going home. Wow, that Jackson has really burned up. Yeah, he takes everything so seriously. What does he want? Every year at this time he puts that hose in his mouth. What a guy. Well, Phil, I guess you might as well play something. Okay. I forgot my street car transfer. Oh, here it is. So long. Now they could overlook me for the award after that magnificent. Oh well. I don't mind Gary Cooper winning, but... Now where's that Rochester? Ho, ho, ho! Yes, I am. I'm a little upset tonight. Rochester, what have you got in that cocktail glass? Some water. I was thirsty, boys. Water? With an olive in it? I was hungry, too. Don't kill me. That's a dry martini. Rochester, is your girl here by any chance? My girl? No, sir. Well, uh, was she here? That ain't Ivy climbing over the back fence. I thought so. Well, I'm not going to bore you out tonight. I'm too exhausted. I'm going upstairs to bed. I'm all in. Oh, say, boys, the man from the Exterminator Company was here. Oh, did he find that mouse? Yes, sir. And it sure was a big one. Put it in an awful fight. Oh. Well, where's the man now? He went out to get another man. Holy smoke, it must be a big one. I wonder if Frank Buck is in town. He could catch that mouse. I'd catch it myself if you only let me put a piece of cheese in the trap. No, there must be some other way. Sure will be glad to get to bed. Here, hang this up, Rochester. You need a new one, boss. Just comb it out. It's OK. And don't part it in the middle like you did last night. Hammy might. Hey, what's that? What, what? There's someone under my bed. Who's that under my bed? Come on. You speak up. Good evening, Mr. Venny. Home a little early, I say. Good evening, Mr. Venny. Oh, it's Mr. Billingsley. Now, come out from under my bed, Mr. Billingsley. Come out. All right. You ask for it. Ask for what? If I come out and see my shadow, there'll be 40 more days of winter. Oh, my goodness, today's a groundhog. Now, Mr. Billingsley, you must go to your own room. Very well. Good night, Mr. Venny. Good night. And what's wrong with that? May I ask? Mr. Billingsley, you must go to your own room. Very well. Good night, Mr. Venny. Good night. And what's wrong with that? May I ask? Nothing, nothing. Good night, that's all. Gosh, he's so sensitive. I think I'll lie down relaxed for a while, Rochester. That Academy Award has got me all worked up. Gary Cooper, a better actor than I am. That's justice for you. Oh, say, boss. Yeah? I put gas in the match well and the hose is still there. Do you want to have a go at it again tomorrow? No, no. Next year, maybe. Rochester, take Mr. Coleman's hose back to him and... Thank him very much. He don't know we got it. Good, good. See, I hope I'll be able to sleep. Rochester sings something, will you? That always lows me. Okay, boss. See, I'm just a bundle of nerve tonight. My mama done told me When I was in need pants My mama done told me, son Oh, Gary Cooper. A woman who sweet talk and give you the big eye But when the sweet talk is done Those tall guys get all afraid. A woman's a two-phase A worrisome thing who leave you to sing the blues I think I'll get out of pictures. I didn't even get one vote. I know I said it in. Oh, well. From Natchez to Mobile From Memphis to St. Joe's St. Joe's. How they used to love me there. And the food at the old Busy B lunchroom Wherever the four winds blow A woman's a two-phase A worrisome thing who leave you to sing the blues In the night. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the 12th annual Academy Award banquet and all of Hollywood's glamorous stars are gathered here in the Busy B lunchroom in St. Joe, Missouri. St. Joe. Gee, they love me here. I can't miss that award. I'm sure to win. Gosh, look at all the celebrities here. There's Wendell Wilkie and Joan Fontaine and Ernst Lubitsch and the exterminator man. And look, there's Walter Winger and Barbara Stanwyck and Mervyn Leroy. Hey! Hello, Mervyn! Hello, Leroy! Gee, he knows me. Here's the old Busy B. What do you have, sir? A hot roast beef sandwich with 2D fruity ice cream on it. Hurry, Miss Lamar. I can't hurry. I'm caught in a mousetrap. Gee, you're a big one. Gosh. Ladies and gentlemen, the votes are all in for the best actor of the year and I'll have the results in just a second. Gee, I'm nervous. Hey, there's Gary Cooper. He's got a pretty good chance of winning, too. Hello, Gary. Hello, Jack. How do you like it here in Memphis? Memphis? We're in St. Joe, aren't we? You're in Memphis. I'm in St. Joe. You see, I'm taller than you are. Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, that's right. Look. Look, the master ceremony is getting up. There must be Bob Hope. Thank you, thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. That's not Hope. It's Alan. Fred Alan! I'm very happy to be here in Good Old St. Joe. They love me here. Listen to him. That Alan's a two-faced, a worrisome thing who leads me to sing I thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, the votes have been counted and I have the honor to announce that the best actor of the year is that old gent with the gray hair, Frank Morgan. No! No, no, Benny, me! Jack Benny! Yes, yes, yes, Jack Benny, and here's that gold statue for you, Jackie. Ouch! Thanks. How can I speak with this rubber hose in my mouth? But I'll try. To be or not to be, that is the question. Here's your hot beef sandwich, mister. Make it a steak. I just won the award. Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortunes or to take arms against the sea of who's that coming? Who are you guys? They're the Warner Brothers, shouting like the others. Benny, our mama done told us. The Warner Brothers? And who are you? I am Daryl Zanick, Jack, you are a panic Benny. My horse he done told me. Gee, Mr. Zanick, all the studios warned me, all of them. From Metro to Gowyn, from Gowyn to Mayor, from Mayor to Paramount. Paramount? They love me there. Ladies and gentlemen, I can't tell you how happy I am to receive this award. It is the most thrilling night I've ever had. It's the most exciting evening. What's the matter? The banquet's over, everybody's gone, but Gary Cooper and me. What? What, what are you crying for, Gary? I had my heart set on winning that award. It's not your fault, Gary. I wonder because I'm taller than you are. Look, I'm 8 feet tall. Not only that, you're still growing. Still growing? That's right, I am. Look at me, I'm 9 feet, 10 feet, 12 feet, whoop whoop, hold it. I'm tall enough, hold it. I'm going right through the room. My head. Boss, boss, wake up. Gary, Gary, where are you? Boss, wake up, you've been dreaming. Dreaming? Yeah, you got your head right through the foot of the bed. Well, pull me out. It was a tough dream, Rochester, but I won it. Do you need me anymore, boss? No. Good night, Rochester. Good night. Here's a treat that just can't be beat for real downright goodness, and one that's sure to become a family favorite the first time you try it. The name of this grand dessert is Cherry Cubes with Pineapple, a brilliant combination of golden can pineapple and bright crimson cherry jello. It's a dessert that fairly coaxes you to pick up a spoon and begin because it's so good looking, and it's nothing less than a masterpiece of delicious flavor. You'll like the simple, easy way you make it, too. Just dissolve a package of jello imitation cherry flavor in one pint of hot water and hot pineapple juice. Turn into a loaf pan and chill until firm. Then cut into cubes and pile in sherbet glasses along with three slices of can pineapple diced. And there's a dessert that's really extra special. Juicy golden nuggets of can pineapple, temptingly blended with tiny glistening cubes of rich red cherry jello. So get a package of cherry jello tomorrow, and when you buy, be sure to get genuine jello. It's extra rich because its flavor is locked in. The last number of the 22nd program in the current jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday at the same time. And by then, I'm sure Jack will find something else to worry about. Good night, folks. The parts of Fred Allen and Gary Cooper were interpreted by Peter Lindhays, referring to courtesy of RKO Studios. The tune, Captain of the Clouds, is from the picture of the same name. Did you know that the same folks who made it take jello butterscotch pudding? It has a rich golden color, butterscotch color, butterscotch pudding. It has a rich golden color, just as tempting as can be. And what mellow delight there is in its creamy butterscotch flavor. So when you order jello, order jello puddings in all three flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. Jello puddings are just like grandmas, only morsel. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company. K-F-I, Los Angeles, The National Broadcasting Company.