 The singer-songwriter Billie Eilish just went on the Zack Sen show for a little post-coachella interview and she talked about how she learned to love herself and as always there's a lot, a lot that we can learn from this. Great to love yourself and you should take care of yourself but I don't think you need to love yourself to be able to do things in life. I think as long as you're there for yourself and you respect yourself, that's what it is. What is up everybody, this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel, sometimes what I like to do is pull different topics from pop culture to see what kind of lessons we can learn from it. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and real quick for all of you beautiful patrons out there, I did post the April Q&A up over on Patreon so make sure you go ask your questions, not answer them, I answer the questions. Ask your questions and I will be recording that later this week so go check that out. Alright, but yeah, anyways Coachella is officially over but Billie Eilish on the Zach St. Show, she actually did this interview between the two Coachella weekends and I was checking it out, I was watching it and she and Zach were talking about her synesthesia, that's how it kind of started and synesthesia for all of you who don't know, it's, it's, I don't even like calling it a disorder, it's more of like a brain difference and Billie Eilish has synesthesia where her brain kind of processes like sounds and events and things like that with different like colors and things like that, which is really cool. I watched the show The Voice and there was a young woman on The Voice last season who has synesthesia. So a lot of musicians who are like dope like have synesthesia, but anyway she talked about, it kind of led into a conversation about vulnerability and letting people in and all this stuff, but then they got to the topic of loving yourself and Billie Eilish talked about this and I wanted to dive into this because I know this is something that a lot, a lot of us struggle with. So I wanted to kind of show some clips of what she talked about, share some of my personal experience and hopefully some of you can benefit from that as well, alright? I don't mean that with like love. I mean that with like strength and like believing that you are something because I don't think you have to love yourself. I think you should, you should, you know, have love for yourself, but I don't, I don't think like there's a whole thing about, you know, make sure you love yourself before anyone else and you do this, you know, you love, you, everyone has to love yourself or da, da, da, da, and I think it's great to love yourself and you should take care of yourself, but I don't think you need to love yourself to be able to do things in life. I think as long as you're there for yourself and you respect yourself, that's what it is. In this clip, she was talking about how, you know, there's kind of this like message out there where it's, it's like, just love yourself. Just love yourself, right? And it's not that easy. Like as somebody who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and I struggle with depression and addiction and all these other things. Like I look at self love as a mental health issue. It's not like a diagnosable disorder, but it's something to do with mental health and a lot of people who struggle with depression struggle with this as well. But one of the things that's stigmatizing about mental health is when people have this kind of like, just do it attitude, right? Like it's not that easy, right? Like for anybody who struggles with anxiety, like somebody's like, just calm down or if you're struggling with depression, just cheer up. And Billy's kind of talking about how like it's not that easy to just, just love yourself, right? It's a process. And Billy Eilish kind of opens up and talks about the love that she has from like her, her family, her fans and everything like that. And that's helped her along the way. And I can definitely relate to that. And if there's any suggestion I can give to all of you, because it worked for me, it works for many others is to find people who can love you until you learn to love yourself. I know that's like kind of a cliche saying, but it's very, very true. Like when I first got sober almost seven years ago, I hated myself. I absolutely hated myself. It's something I struggled with my whole life, but in almost a decade of addiction, I really did not like myself. And when I got sober, I had to surround myself with people who loved me for me. Like they invited me to hang out, you know, they talked to me, they hung out with me and stuff. And the message that kind of gives our brain, in my opinion, is that we are lovable and people care about us and we're not that bad. Like because something that helps me out with my own cognitive distortions is like presenting my brain, my crazy, wacky brain with facts. Like why would people continue to hang out with me and, you know, encourage me and support me if I wasn't a lovable person? You see what I mean? And I know, you know, sometimes if the brain wants to go into another crazy direction and be like, oh, people are using me. But the reality was like, especially for me in my situation, I didn't have anything to give, right? Like I just got sober. I had no money. I have like three pairs of clothes. I had nothing. So I really knew that people were hanging out with me because they truly cared about me, you know? And that can really help us learn how to love ourselves. Now the one caveat I will say to that, because I've seen a lot of other people struggle with this, is this isn't like a permanent solution, okay? Like because I talked about in a video I made the other day about Tana Mojo and like insecurities and things like that. Like we can't constantly seek out other people to love us because we can't love ourselves. For me, it's kind of like this like stepping stone, right? It's kind of getting us to a place where we can learn to love ourselves. But if we live our entire lives trying to find people who could fill that void, it's never going to happen. So in my experience, we need people to love us until we can love ourselves. But that second part is the important part where we learn how to love ourselves. And a lot of it just comes from that positive reinforcement and positive self-talk from my experience of reminding ourselves that we are lovable. If you're into like affirmations and things like that, like that's a suggestion that I would have is like, do those things, look at your good qualities, look at why people love you and care about you and stick around, all right? You can't just randomly, you can't meet somebody and love them before you know them. I mean, you can, but it's not like, you can't expect that to happen. And so you can't expect that to happen with yourself. You can't just be like, okay, I can't do anything until I love myself. This girl, this young woman, Billie Eilish, she is wise beyond her years. So in this interview right there where she was talking about that, like she talks about like that kind of false idea of love at first sight, which I've always thought was ridiculous. Actually, no. When I was a kid and I have like these intense emotions, like when I was younger, like teens and early 20s, like I was like, oh my God, I love them. But like think about it, like love is something that is built upon. It takes a while, it takes time. You got to get to know somebody. If you love somebody at first sight, you are falling in love with their appearance. You know what I mean? Because hey, I hate to say it, but some of the most beautiful, attractive people out there can kind of be jerks. But what Billie Eilish is talking about when she uses that as a point of reference is like you can't just start loving yourself. It doesn't just happen like that. So I can definitely relate to that. Like kind of like what she's saying is like, you got to get to know the person. You got to fall in love with that person. And that's something that we have to do with ourselves. Like that's like something that helped me so much on my path to loving myself because I spent so many years, so, so, so many years of my life not knowing who I was, not loving myself because I didn't know who I was. And why is that? Because I was constantly living a life trying to please other people. I was constantly doing things to make you happy or them happy or him happy or her happy or them happy. You see what I mean? And through that process, we completely lose our identity because we call it being a social chameleon, right? We're kind of like whatever social situation that we're in, we're just changing to benefit that situation so people like us and we completely lose ourselves. So seven years ago when I started working on my own mental health and my own self-love and self-compassion, I had to get to know me. Like who am I? What do I like? What don't I like? You know, like something that I had to do when I was trying to pull myself out of that deep dark pit of depression was I just started experimenting with hobbies. I bought a guitar. I tried to learn how to play a guitar. That didn't work too well. You know, I started like, you know, playing more video games. I started watching new shows that I hadn't watched before. I learned how to knit. You know, I started doing like arts and crafts and things like that. I wanted to figure out who I was so I can learn how to fall in love with that person. And I had to start accepting who I was as a person. Now that doesn't mean that there's not room for growth. All of us have room for growth but I have to accept myself who I am on a day-to-day basis. And that really helps me out with that self-love. Now, part of that self-love that I had to develop by getting to know me was realizing what I like and what I don't like. And when I realize there's things that I don't like like how people treat me or how people talk to me. Boundaries, I think boundaries are a huge, huge part of self-love. And we often forget that. If we want to love ourselves, in my opinion, we have to learn how to set boundaries with people, places, situations and say, no, that is not okay with me. I am walking away from that situation. All right? I don't know, make myself stronger and make myself happier as if I go out and do things that are gonna do that. I'm not gonna sit in my room all day and eventually love myself. Wait for the clock to strike whatever. Yeah, that's not gonna work. It's not gonna work. You gotta get to know yourself. You have to do things in the world. You have to do, go break a fence or something. I don't know. The last thing I wanna talk about which really didn't get talked about in this little post-coachella interview was Billie Eilish is known for being there for her fans. She interacts with her fans. She does kind of things for her fans. She does nice things for her fans. And this is kind of just the last suggestion I have for anybody out there who is struggling with self-love. Like self-love, when we don't have it, it's usually because of a negative voice in our head, right? Like those of us who struggle with like imposter syndrome or depression or whatever it is, our brain can go in this cycle of telling us what an awful person we are. We're terrible, we're horrible, all these things. Like I mentioned when I was coming out of my addiction that was a huge, huge, huge struggle I had. So what I'm talking about with Billie Eilish doing things for her fans and interacting with them, like do good things for other people. Like on a daily basis, be of service to other people do nice things, do kind things. That might even be something as simple as picking up your phone and texting somebody or calling somebody that you know, asking them how they're doing, right? Because here's the thing that I realized for myself was when I do that, it's really, it's really, really hard for my brain to tell me that I'm an awful person, right? When I'm doing things for other people, it's hard for me to beat myself up. Like when I was working at the addiction treatment center and I was talking to clients about this and stuff like, I would say like, I've never met somebody who like went and like helped out the homeless or like volunteered for charity work. Then after they were done, we're like, oh, you know what? I'm a really terrible person. Like that's just not how things work. So again, like what I believe we're constantly trying to do is take out and challenge that false narrative that our own mind creates. So get out there, do something kind today, be there for somebody else because it's really hard to beat yourself up when you're constantly doing that kind of stuff, all right? Not in a codependent way, but in a kind, generous, selfless way while also setting up some boundaries, all right? But yeah, let me know down in the comments below. Is self love something that you struggle with? And yeah, let's have a conversation about it. Last thing I will say, I will link it down in the description and the pinned comment. The best book I've ever read about loving yourself is Real Love by Sharon Salzburg. I will recommend that book until the day I die, all right? Anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. Don't forget, the April Q&A is now posted. Go check it out, ask your questions. And if you would like to get involved in the Patreon Q&A and some other content, hit the top right there, all right? Thanks again so, so much for watching. I'll see you next time.