 You meet a man and you're really, really excited about him. Maybe you're texting back and forth. Maybe you called each other. Maybe you met each other once or twice or something like that. And then all of a sudden you're supposed to meet up one day. But last minute, he contacts you and tells you that he can't go. What do you do? What do you do that makes him see you as a high value woman, a woman that he wants to continue to pursue and chase and be with and feel like you're amazing and valuable and that you're exactly the kind of woman that he wants to be with? That's what I'm gonna be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. In this video today, we're gonna be talking about what to do and what not to do when a guy flakes on you for a date. And so, there's a lot of confusion about this. I'm gonna give you a text message in this video about exactly what to say to a man when he does this. And I need to give you some context for this, right? Cause I know a lot of women are gonna be like, just give me the text message, Matt, just give me the text, why was the text message? But if you don't have context to this, you can actually screw it up really, really easily. And so if you don't wanna screw this up, make sure you watch this entire video. So why do men do this? Why would a guy message you last minute and tell you that he can't come and see you? So it could be something completely legitimate, right? So it could be like something with work or something with family, something that needs to take priority over meeting up with you and it's an honest thing and he's just like, oh, I gotta go and do this and it's a problem and I'm really sorry, but I have to go and flake on you right now. It doesn't make you feel any better, right? Because you feel disrespected. You're like, oh, this is last minutes. Like how could you do this to me? I'm so angry with you. Why would you do this to me? You must not love me and think that I'm special and unique in a snowflake, right? Could be maybe not. Who knows, right? It doesn't change how you feel. Even if it's a legitimate thing. Another reason is that he could have gotten cold feet, right? Like he said, a lot of women think that guys are like these confidence machines that just go after whatever they want. They're like, I see what I want and I shall go, right? But that's totally far from the truth, right? Guys have insecurities, guys get scared, guys get stupid, guys come up with all kinds of emotional reasons not to do things, guys have insecurities, guys have past trauma, guys have all kinds of stuff. And so you have to consider that as well. Another reason could be that he's actually testing to see what you might do because he's experienced this in the past where he thought things were going really, really great with a woman. And then when something bad happened, she like lost her mind and went crazy and he was like, wow, I had no idea that she was like that. And so some guys will test women by flaking on them. Believe it or not, women do this as well. So don't attack and get angry at men for doing it. Just happens. It's one of those things that happen. Another reason why he might do it is that he got some bad dating advice, right? There's some really just garbage dating advice out there about that recommends that you do this in order to gain power and get control over another person and the situation that you're in. And that is horrible garbage advice. Can it work short-term? Absolutely. Is it gonna work long-term? Absolutely not because it's just gonna create resentment and you're gonna probably do other things like this in the future and he's gonna figure it out. And then ultimately you're gonna be in this game-playing war against each other and it's just gonna be painful and horrible and absolutely bad. If you're here with us right now, make sure you say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this in the chat right now. Just say hi and tell us where you're watching this from. All right, so let's talk about what not to do. So I was just talking about why guys do this sometimes and there's a bunch of different reasons. Ultimately it does kind of matter but you're not gonna find out right now. And so what do you wanna make sure that you don't do if you want some kind of potential thing with this guy? So if you don't want something with this guy, obviously you can do whatever you want to. Although there are things I don't suggest you do even if you don't want anything with him because you don't wanna continue to hurt people or get revenge on other people. You wanna be a strong mature adult human being. Like ultimately, at least I hope so. I mean, there's definitely some petty stuff going on out there. My suggestion is you act like an adult. So what do you not do? The first thing that you don't wanna do if you want to potentially have something with this guy long-term is you don't wanna tell him off, right? You don't wanna attack him. You don't wanna tell him how bad he is or how screwed up he is or how much he screwed up or how he's a jerk or how he doesn't respect you or how he needs to learn how to respect women or whatever, right? You don't wanna do that because what that does is it tells him and it tells his subconscious mind, right? What you're doing, whenever I look at what's going on in different situations, I say what's the deeper communication that's going on here? What's the deeper meaning that this communication has when you have it, right? And what this means, if you freak out and get angry and you tell him off, what it does is it tells him that he's got power and control over you and power and control over somebody else when it's a lot of power and control is not attractive, right? The more, in the beginning, there's actually a power dynamic in relationships. I talk about this in my Make Him Want You program and when you have more power than the other person, if you have way more power than the other person, you're not attracted to that person and that other person is gonna be really attracted to you and you wanna have somewhat of an equal power dynamic in a relationship. You wanna have a little bit more, especially until you're in a committed relationship. That way he's striving and pursuing and chasing and investing and doing all these things in order to win you over. But if you start telling him off, what it communicates is that he's controlling you and what that means is that he has the power and what he does controls how you think, how you feel and what you're gonna do and you don't want to give off that impression because it'll make him feel less attracted to you. And so the second thing that you don't wanna do is you don't want to respond right away. So what you wanna do is give a little bit of space and there's a few different reasons for that, right? If he messages you and he's like, hey, I'm sorry, I can't be there. You know, I have this thing with work or whatever he says, right? Just don't even respond. Just give it some time, give it a couple hours and just take some time to one, if you're like angry and you're triggered by it, just take some time to like relax and let go and maybe express yourself or whatever without communicating with him because there's a couple of different reasons why you wanna do this. And one of the reasons is that one, you don't wanna end up telling him off or giving him all the power or any of that kind of stuff. The second reason is that it keeps him kind of questioning like what's going on, right? So if you're like, oh my God, I can't believe that. You know, like, what are you doing that, right? He knows what's going on. Or even if you're like, hey, I don't, you know, whatever, it doesn't matter. You know, it's totally cool, it's fine, right? You don't wanna do that either, right? You don't wanna do either one of those things. Instead, you just wanna pull back and just take a little bit of time and let him question what you're doing and what's going on with you and what you're thinking and all that kind of stuff, right? Because that mystery will actually create a lot of attraction for him. In his mind, he's gonna be like, oh, does she not like me anymore? Is she mad at me? Does she gonna wanna see me again? Like, did I just grew up? Am I never gonna be able to see this woman again? Like, what's going on here, right? You want him to be in that space because he's starting to question it and he's starting to go, okay, maybe I need to make this up to her. Maybe I need to show her that I do like her and that I apologize and let her know that I screwed up and all that kind of stuff. And so you want to just not say anything for a little bit. And then the third thing that you don't wanna do is try to talk to him about it over text or over the phone. So you don't want to try to have a conversation about what's going on and how it made you feel and all that kind of stuff. Don't do any of that at all, right? Just don't do it over text or over the phone. You can do it when you guys meet up in person, but you don't wanna do it as the first thing that you talk about when you meet up in person. Instead, you wanna give it a little bit of time so that you're in the conversation so he's feeling connected to you, so he's having a good time, so he's remembering all the great things about you and how much of a high value, amazing, special and different woman you are so that when you do have that conversation with him about it, he's like, oh man, you know what? I screwed up and I'm really sorry about that and I know it hurt your feelings or whatever, right? And so you can communicate that once you're in the situation and you're in kind of the middle of a conversation and you don't wanna do it at the beginning and you don't wanna do it over text or over the phone. And so what do you text him, right? So he let you know that he's gonna be late and that he's not gonna be there and that there's other things going on and whatever and you've given him some time, what do you then send to him? And here's the text message that I recommend that you send when a guy flakes on you. Here's what you say. You say, so how are you gonna, so you say, so how are you gonna make it up to me? Question mark and then you put a smiley face, right? So what does this text message communicate, right? This text message communicates a whole bunch of things. One, it communicates that he doesn't have power over you, that you're, from one standpoint, that you're not totally hot and bothered and angry and crazy and whatever over the fact that he flaked on you, right? Which is what most women will do. Most women are gonna freak out and lose their minds and you're different, you're a forever woman and so you're gonna be doing something a little bit different here, right? And you're communicating something completely different. One is that he doesn't have power over you. The second thing that this communicates is that you're a high value woman, right? It says, hey, I am a woman of value and if you want to hang out with me again, you need to earn it, right? You need to prove that you should be able to hang out with me again. You need to invest, you need to make effort in order to hang out with me again and it doesn't necessarily need to be something big, right? Like when you're talking about him making it up to you, it could be something small. It could be anything, really. What you want him to do is start investing. What you want him to do is start falling into your frame, right, your frame. I talk about this in the Love Frames Toolkit. You want him to fall into your frame and what is your frame? Your frame is that I'm a high value woman that I am, I'm valuable and I'm qualifying you and I'm figuring out whether you're the right guy for me or not and it's sub-communicating that you screwed up a little bit, right? And in order to win me over, you're gonna have to do something. And like I said, it doesn't have to be something super crazy, right? You're the prize that he's trying to win over though and that's what you're communicating. You're communicating all the right things with this text message and like I said, most women will never send a guy a text message like this when the guy, when the guy flags, right? They'll either one chew them out or they will too be like, oh, it's no big deal. You still wanna hang out with me, don't you? Please, please, please let us hang out. I like you so much, please hang out with me. I don't care if you're flagged, right? Which are both really low quality, low value ways to communicate. Instead you're like, so how are you gonna make it up to me? Smiley face, right? And basically you're just like, you're having fun, right? You're having fun, you're being playful, you're connecting, you're also telling him that it's possible for him to still hang out with you again if he plays his cards right. And so that's what you're doing. If you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask some questions about your situation or this or anything like that. And also tell me what is your biggest, we're doing something a little bit different in these live streams. Now, what's your biggest challenge that you're working on in your dating or relationship? What's your biggest challenge or frustration that you have right now? And I'm gonna go through and I'm going to answer some questions that everybody has and we will go through that. So let's see here. So let me go back over what I just said here. So let's see. So when he flakes on you, men do this because there could be something legitimate. It could be that he got cold feet. It could be that he's testing you and it could be some bad dating advice. Ultimately, you're not gonna figure that out in this situation. You might be able to figure it out later on because what you're really looking for with guys like this to find out if a guy's right or if a guy's wrong or any of that kind of stuff is to look for patterns. What kind of patterns exist in his dating life? What's happening? What does his past relationships look like? What do his current relationships look like? How does he talk about other people in his life? How does he talk about exes? How does he talk about you? How does he talk about his friends? All those patterns will tell you about what your relationship is gonna end up looking like with him. And so you wanna ask him questions about those kinds of things. And you're not gonna find out what he's doing. If this is a new relationship and you guys have only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks or maybe a month or something like that, you're not gonna figure that out yet. You have to have more time to really figure that out. What not to do? Don't tell him off. Don't respond right away. Give him a couple of hours before you respond. Make sure you get into a grounded, calm, centered place. Come from your feminine energy. Strengthen yourself. Get connected to the earth or whatever you're into getting connected to. Get yourself grounded and then send him the text message after that. Don't try to talk to him about it over the phone or over text message because it's just gonna come off the wrong way and it might turn him off and instead what you wanna do is connect with him first and then tell him how you feel. So wait until you guys have met up and then have a conversation about it. And then the text message is so how are you gonna make it up to me? Question mark, smiley face. That's what you're doing here. All right, so let's talk about things. Du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du. Magoo, Magoo, Magooie. Magooie, Magooie-goo says, tell us. Oh, that's fine. Okay. Lots of South Africa. Hi, Tracy. Hi, Biopelo, Biopelo. Love that man, that's fun. Fiona says, guy I've been dating for three weeks disappeared on me for a week. What to say or do if he comes back? Yes, I am dating others and not chasing him or anything. So a guy that you've been dating for three weeks disappeared on you for a week. And so it kinda depends, right? So it depends on whether this is some kind of behavior that you're willing to put up with in the future, right? It depends on what's going on with him, you know? Like he comes back. So it kinda depends on how he comes back, right? So if he comes back and he's, it's just a text message and you're having a text message conversation, it's just a normal conversation, right? Like, hey, you know, what have you been up to? You know, like that's the kind of thing that you wanna ask him. Like, hey, I haven't heard from you for a while. What have you been up to, right? And then he'll tell you. And like I said, you don't wanna have these kinds of conversations over text message. Instead, you wanna welcome him back, right? You wanna connect with him. You wanna feel connected to him, you know? If he sends you a message, you can be like, yeah, it feels really good to hear from you. It's so nice to hear from you. Like I really, you know, like, hey, how's it going? You know, that kind of thing, right? Like you don't wanna make it anything complicated. You don't wanna make it anything crazy. You just wanna have a normal conversation with him and then see what he does, right? If he tries to meet up with you and you're still interested in meeting up with him, then you should meet up with him. And if you wanna talk to him about what he's been doing and why he's gone radio silence and if that's a normal thing that he does, just talk to him about that at that point, right? So when you're like, it's the exact kind of same situation as this, right? As what we were just talking about with a guy who flakes on you. You wanna meet up with him. You want him to feel good, right? I was having a conversation with a woman not too long ago about this where we were talking about guys pulling away and she was angry at my advice, right? She was so mad that I was telling her that she should welcome him back, right? She's like, you should tell him off and how does he know if he's done anything wrong? Well, here's the thing. You don't want, like, if you ever talk to a dog trainer or an animal trainer of any kind, here's what they will tell you. If a dog runs away, you don't punish the dog when it comes back. You don't punish the dog when it comes back. The bad behavior is the dog running away. The good behavior is the dog coming back. And so if you punish the dog when it comes back, it'll stop wanting to come back. Instead, you wanna welcome the dog when it comes back because that's the behavior that you want. And so if the dog thinks that it's gonna get punished when it comes back, it's not gonna wanna come back. And animals are, I know a lot of people are sitting here, they're like, well, he's not a dog. Well, all human beings are similar to animals in a lot of ways, right? We still have this pain, pleasure response that we respond to, right? The whole Pavlovs thing. And so if he thinks that if he connects with you and you're welcoming him back, he'll want to continue to talk to you and he'll want to continue to connect with you. And then when you meet up with him, that's when you have the conversation. After you've been talking for a little bit, that's when you have the conversation. You just bring it up about him and you're like, hey, you're away for a while, what was going on? And he'll tell you what was going on and be like, oh, do you normally just disappear like that and stop communication? And he'll tell you and you can talk to him about, I think it's really attractive when a guy tells me what's going on with him and basically using that attraction frame, right? The frame that I've been talking, I talk about a lot, I talk about it in the Love Frames toolkit, where you're basically, you're telling him, you're creating an association, a positive, rewarding association around the things that you want, right? So if you want him to let you know what's going on with him, you just tell him, like I think it's really attractive when a guy sends me a text and lets me know what's going on with him if he's got to change priorities or disappear for a little bit or something like that. It's not a problem as long as I know, as long as I know what's going on, right? And so that's the kind of conversation that you want to have. And always remember that these people are, these guys, they are all, think of it like a job interview, right? They are applying in a job interview to be the right guy for you. And you're talking about how you're dating others, which is awesome. It sounds like you're probably in abundance, Fiona, which is cool. So good job on that one. And just make sure that you're coming from the right frame. If you're coming from the right space, the right mindset where you're like, I'm the prize that these men are trying to win over, then you're gonna be fine in most situations because you're always gonna come from that headspace. Like if I was the prize, if he needed to win me over, if he needed to prove to me that he's the right guy for me, what would I do in this situation? What would I say in this situation? Who would I be in this situation? How would I interact with him in this situation? And sure, there's absolutely little techniques and stuff that I can give you that will help you along in that, but always come from that mindset because your mindset is by far the most important thing in these situations because if you just take the techniques and then try to run with the techniques, it's gonna be really difficult. If you come from the right mindset, you can always know what to say and what to do and you'll most of the time get into good situations because you're coming from the right space. So I hope that helped you out Fiona. So if you're here with us right now, here, what's a good question? What's a good question to ask? So tell us something great. Tell us something great about you. What is something that is great, attractive, amazing, special, different? What's something great about you? Tell us that in the chat. So Izalist says, what if you have doubts in your relationship? Well, tell us a little bit more, Izalist. What do you have doubts about? What do you have doubts about in your relationship? Jazzy says, hello from Colorado. You're such a handsome man, Matt. Well, thank you, Jazzy. I actually lived in Colorado for quite some time. Lived over on Green Mountain, if you know where Green Mountain is. Also lived in Denver, which was really cool as well. So I am the prize, great, great. Great name says, I had a man beg for me to go see him and then he couldn't be found because he went on a date. Well, that's okay. It sounds like there was some game playing going on there. I am a prize, I am the prize. You wanna make sure that you're not playing games. One of the things that happens sometimes in, I know it's not something that you wanna consciously do ever, but if you get into this thing where you're playing games and this might not be your situation, I am the prize. Obviously I have no idea what's going on in your situation. You just gave me one sentence that really doesn't tell me much about what's going on. But if you're in a situation where you start playing games with a guy or you start trying to manipulate him or you start trying to do crazy things like flaking on him or disappearing or pulling away from him and ignoring him and all those kinds of things, what's likely to happen is he's likely to start playing games with you as well and start trying to hurt you as well because that's really what you're doing is you're kinda hurting him and you're putting him in these painful situations and you don't wanna be in those situations. You instead, I mean, you always wanna make sure that you're protecting yourself and you're putting yourself into good situations and you're doing things from a standpoint of psychology that makes him want to chase you and feel like you're valuable and amazing and special and different. But you never want to play games with him. You don't wanna mess around and try to hurt him or ignore him or any of that kind of stuff. That's not healthy behavior on any standpoint, right? And there's, I have a video out there that's, I think it's gotten like, it's on Facebook that's gotten like, I think it's over a million views now. It's a video about toxic men and a lot of the, there's just a ton of comments about men, you know, all these men, you know, there's just as many toxic women out there, right? You don't wanna be one of those toxic women. Instead, you wanna come from a strong, healthy standpoint. You don't wanna come from a standpoint where you're trying to get revenge, where you're trying to hurt a guy, where you're doing any of that kind of stuff, where you're acting like the narcissist or the Peter Pan or the, you know, all those other labels that people throw on people who are, who have toxic behaviors sometimes. And so you wanna come from a healthy and strong standpoint yourself. All right, so LeMayome says, hello, hello, hello, Matt. Love your energy, love from the Netherlands. Well, thank you for being here. So Linda says, I was let down yesterday, second time by a second guy, but excuses, but he says he really likes me, told me my time is important and to jog along. Well, if a guy tells you something like that, right? If he's like, he's like, hey, you know, your time's really important and you're really special and amazing and so you should just leave and go find somebody else. My suggestion is that you've listened to that, right? Cause for him, what that's doing is that's coming from a very low value, low quality, like immature kind of standpoint, right? That's coming from insecurities. And he's like, maybe I'm not good enough for you. So go find another man, right? And so my suggestion is that you listen to that, right? If a guy's gonna tell you to go and find somebody else, he's telling you something very important and that is that inside of him, he doesn't really believe that he's worth it. And so you wanna listen to that and go find somebody else and it sucks, right? It sucks when you're in these situations where guys let you down and people like, I mean, this happens all the time to lots of people, men and women. And so you wanna make sure that, you know, you're in a place of abundance and it's gonna happen, right? It's gonna happen all the time. I was just hanging out with a friend of mine today and he was talking about his dating life and he goes out and he approaches women all the time, right? He approaches sometimes 10 to 20 women a day on the street. He will walk up and approach them and talk to them. And we were talking about like his numbers, right? And how many women he has to approach and he's gotta approach, you know, like 10 women in order to get like one or two numbers. And then out of those two numbers, usually one of them will actually pan out to him meeting up with somebody on a date, right? And like all this kind of stuff, right? And it's really a big numbers game for him. And it's one of those things where you don't wanna think about everything like it's a numbers game because you wanna be connected to the actual person and you wanna be authentic with them and you wanna look at them with compassion and be connected and be there with him and have a good time and not just look at him like numbers but there is a numbers component to it, right? Where you're gonna meet people and they're just not gonna be the right people for you. And it could be that sometimes you meet a bunch of people who aren't the right people for you. And then all of a sudden things switch and maybe you do something different. Maybe it's just random variation. I mean, who knows? And all of a sudden you start meeting people that are the right people for you over and over and over again. You're like, wow, all of a sudden here they are, here they come, you know, or maybe your mindset shifts. A lot of times it's mindsets, right? It's changing the way that you feel about yourself and what you deserve and feeling about yourself like you're a special and beautiful and amazing and sexy and gorgeous human being. And then when you start coming from a mindset like that, a lot of times things will shift. So it just depends. My suggestion is you try a bunch of different things and find out what works and what doesn't work and just keep going and don't get overly caught up on things not working out with people. And just look at it as a part of the journey that you're on here to get into a great relationship where you're valued and you're seen by an amazing, awesome, high value guy who's gonna treat you great and you're gonna be totally in love with and look at him like he is absolutely amazing and wonderful. And what you need to do is believe that that is coming, that you will see that, start speaking that into existence, start believing it in your mind, start believing it in your heart, start visualizing it coming true in your life so that you really kind of feel it and that you're gonna do anything. You're gonna do whatever it takes to find that amazing soulmate type relationship that you wanna have and not let these little things whenever a guy's not really right for you, you let go, right? If a guy's not right for you, you need to let go immediately and move on to where you're valued and you're cherished and you're looked at by a man as the type of woman who he wants to have in his life forever, the type of woman that he has eyes only for you, right? And there's some men who aren't gonna see your value. No matter what you do, no matter how you act, no matter what you say, no matter how many tricks you throw at him, no matter how many amazing text messages you send to him, he's not the right guy, he's not gonna see your value, you're never gonna be enough for him because he's not the right man for you. And when you realize that, when you see a guy who's not right for you, you need to let go of him immediately and start moving on to somebody else and there's kind of a middle ground, right? I talk about this idea of the magic is in the middle and you always wanna be in the middle ground, right? If you jump to one side or the other, that's when you have problems. Extremes are where all the problems are, right? The one extreme is that you hold on to guys who aren't right for you for way too long, right? And you just hold on to them and you're like, stay with me, right? And he's like getting married to somebody else, right? We have women that come to us that are in situations like that all the time. They're like, how do I make this married man leave his wife for me, you know? And you're like, get away from that situation, you know? You deserve more than that. You are worth more than that and you have to believe that you're worth more than that. And the other side of the scale is like, which one? Okay, here it is. So the other side of the scale is that you walk away too easily from too many situations, right? So there's another side where instead of like clinging onto somebody, you're like, immediately one little thing and you let them go, right? One little thing and you let them go. And obviously you don't wanna ignore red flags and you don't wanna stay with a bad person, you know, just because you wanna stay with them and he's your only option and all that kind of stuff. But you also don't wanna be so detached from people because we all have stuff going on, right? We all have red flags, right? A red flag doesn't mean stop. It means pay attention. It means pay attention to what's going on with the person and find out if this is a pattern, if this is a deal breaker, if this is something that's gonna stop you from being in a great relationship, if it's something that you need to walk away from or not. It doesn't mean to walk away though. If there's a whole bunch of red flags, that's probably a good time to walk away. If there's a, if you see the red flag and it turns out to be a pattern, that could be a good time to walk away. But just a red flag in and of itself doesn't mean anything other than pay attention. That's all it means. So I hope that, I hope that helped you. Oh, here I go. Here I go singing again. I hope that helped you. I'm just gonna sing. Do we get the next question? CJ says if he flakes on me, he won't hear from me again unless I'm really interested and very attracted to him. I will give it a shot again. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where if he flakes on you, you kind of have this space where you're like, okay, what do we do now? Right? And so there's a whole bunch of different options. One is that you just don't contact him back, right? He sends you a message and he flaked on you, don't respond and you just don't respond. And then at some point if he's that interested in you and he's like, oh man, I screwed up and I think she's mad at me or whatever, but I'm gonna give it another shot and he's persistent about it, right? And he really values you and he wants to do something, then he will end up reaching out to you again in order to see if something can be solved here, if he can make up for it or whatever, right? Sometimes guys will do that, sometimes they won't and you have to decide whether, like you said, whether you wanna give him another shot or not and if you do wanna reach out to him, this is the way to do it, right? You send him that text message that I talked about where you say, so how are you gonna make it up to me? Smiley face, right? And which sends him all the right signals. So hello Kelly, hello Tammy, hello Darcy, hello Asma, hello Melissa, hello Mandy, Billy, Melissa, Nikki, lots of people from all over Portugal, nice. And it says, hi from Portugal, your teachings helps me a lot because I don't understand nothing about men. Well, I hope that what I'm teaching has helped you understand some things about men. So thank you for being here. So what do we have, what do we have? Josie says, from LA here, we have all differences. I don't date anyone if I like someone, he is not a community type like me. Well, you know, a lot of times we get attracted to differences, right? It's the differences in relationships that usually create that passion, that spark, you know, that excitement because you're like, I don't know what's going on with this person, right? It's the commonalities that connect us and it's the differences that create the passion and the spark. CJ says, another winner from Med, good vibes. Well, thank you. Josie says, don't respond right away. That's right. You do not want to respond right away. So Lyce says, hi Matthew from Montreal, hi Matthew from Montreal, oh, it's good to hear from you. Just went into a scarcity in the crumbs lately. This is probably my butchered French accent. I still work with him and try to avoid him and let the anger, instead I focused on my own projects. Well, that's good, Lyce. You definitely, Lyce, Lyce, something like that. You don't want, that sounds like exactly what you should probably be doing is making sure that you have your own projects, your own things, your own abundance of connection, your own abundance of options. Those are the best things to do. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. All right, so what do we have, what do we have? What do we have here? So Mandy says, we had a great couple of months of dating. He almost always initiated, but I was too available so he eventually stopped talking to me. Is that why he eventually stopped talking to you because you were too available? I don't know, I'm gonna question that one there, Mandy. I mean, being, having scarcity is, and I talk about this a lot. There's other women that were talking about this in the chat earlier, about the scarcity principle where you give him some space which creates value, right? There's something called the law of familiarity, which is the sad lots, the crying lots, the unhappy lot, the law of familiarity. And what the law of familiarity states is that the more that you're around something, the more that you're constantly around something, the more that it drops in value in your eyes, the more you start to take it for granted. And so it can happen that you're like in contact with each other too much, but you know, you're too available, that's why he stopped talking to you, but no closure or anything. You know, the question is how long has it been Mandy, right? How long has it been since he talked to you? If it's just been a couple of days, it might not be something to freak out about, right? You don't wanna put yourself into this thing where you like put yourself through a roller coaster ride, right? A lot of women do this where they're like talking to a guy all the time. And then he, like there's a couple of days where he doesn't talk to him and they like lose it. And they're like, he ghosted me, he's left me. He doesn't want me anymore, right? And then he like messages him like on the fourth day and then he's like, oh, he ghosted and then came back. Well, you know, it can be normal that people have things going on, right? So you don't wanna get too caught up in that, right? You wanna, again, like what, who was it that was just talking about this? Lissy, Lissy, Lys, Lissy. What Lissy was talking, I'm just gonna pretend your name's Lissy. So what Lissy was talking about was having other things going on in your life, right? So it's not just about being available or not being available. It's about not putting all your eggs in one basket. And when I say eggs, I'm talking about all your emotional needs, right? If you're coming from a place of abundance, you're coming from a place of abundance of connection. And so when a guy does something like he pulls away or he disappears or his priorities change or he does something messed up or he flakes on you or any of that kind of stuff, right? All of a sudden, you can come from one or two different places, right? One place that you can come from is I have all of my emotional needs in this basket with him and I get all my emotional needs from him. And so when he disappears, it's devastating. It devastates me and what's going on with me. And I freak out and I lose my mind and I go through a breakup in my heart even if he doesn't even think there's anything wrong, right? He doesn't feel like he pulled away. He doesn't feel like any of that. He just had some stuff going on for a minute and you're losing your mind, right? And you're going through all these emotions or you can come from a place of abundance, right? An abundance of options, an abundance of connection, an abundance of getting your needs met of feeling significant and important and special, of getting your need of variety and different things going on in your life, right? Like going through different emotions from other things. And if you have all that abundance going on, when a guy pulls away, it's not a big deal anymore, right? It's no big deal. It's not a big deal. And when he comes back, it's a regular conversation and you're talking to him and it's fine, right? If you're in scarcity and he pulls away, you're devastated. If you're in abundance and he pulls away, you're fine. And so my suggestion is that you make sure that you're in abundance at all times. That way you're not devastated when a guy pulls away because we all have things going on in our lives. Sometimes we all need space. Most people, assuming you aren't like an anxious attachment style or something like that, you're probably gonna need space at some point. And so you don't want that to be, you don't want it for him. You don't want it to be devastating to you if he needs space or something like that. And so make sure you're coming from a space of filling up your own cup, right? Coming from a place of feeling strong and powerful and having an abundance of connection and getting your emotional needs met in your life. All right, so I hope that helped you with your situation there, Mandy. I mean, you didn't tell us how long it's been. Linda says, hey, Matt, I had a similar experience recently. I was supposed to go for coffee with a new guy, but my daughter developed a fever in the middle of the night, so I flaked. But not really, fevers are a big deal, especially with COVID around and waited to see his reaction. He was great. We ended up chatting all day, just not in person. Our behavior in these situations is a good display of character. Yeah, exactly, exactly, right? Exactly, that's exactly right. If you're coming from a strong place, Linda, like what Linda's talking, Linda high five on coming from a strong, mature place and being in a place where you're strong and you're connecting and he's connecting, right? And it sounds like he's probably a mature human being as well. If he's like, hey, I get it, things come up, right? Because that's what happens, right? A lot of times when we suffer in situations like this, it's because we're focused on ourself, right? We're focused on how we're not good enough and we're focused on how we're not gonna be loved and how we're not really worth it and how we're, all these different things that we don't wanna be, right? All of our fears about who we are and what's possible and all that kind of stuff come up about ourselves. And it's that focus on ourselves and all of our fears that put us into this world of losing our minds and being crazy and all that kind of stuff. And so you wanna make sure that you're putting yourself in a strong, powerful place, right? Where you become the source of your own happiness, you become the source of abundance of life, of love, of all the things that you need in your life, all of your emotional needs, you are taking care of all those emotional needs so that the world outside of you, so the world outside of you isn't controlling you, right? You control yourself and the world outside of you, I mean, things are gonna happen and stuff's gonna come up. But at the same time, it's about having the world as your playground, right? Having the world as your stage. And you're on that stage and you're dancing and you're flowing and you're having fun and things might come up that are problems and challenges and whatever, but you're solid in yourself, you're solid in the source of being this, this human being with these emotions that you control because you know that you're powerful, you know that you're enough, you know that if something happens, it's going to eventually go away and something else will end up happening and it could be better, it could be worse and it's just a part of life, right? It's part of that dance in life, right? You don't know what's gonna come, you don't know what men are gonna come, you don't know what the world is gonna bring you and where you're gonna be dancing necessarily, but you're gonna be dancing and you're gonna be dancing in the world and you're gonna be dancing from your light and from your love if you are coming from the source, if you're not the source of that, then the world around you can destroy you, it can knock you down and put you in this space of fear and then you're not dancing anymore, you're cowering in a corner and it's not a beautiful life and men aren't gonna be able to connect with you as well and really high value men are gonna be like, is this what I wanna be a part of or not, right? And so you wanna come from this place of being the source of your own happiness, your own love, your own light, right? And so I kinda ran off on a tangent there, but that's kinda what I got from what Linda was talking about. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Ba-da-ba-ba-dee-ba-dee-boo. All right, so Kathy says, when he disappears and comes back, are we supposed to act warm or cold? Well, so if you want him to come back and wanna be around you, you should act warm, right? You should connect with him. You should tell him that it feels good to connect with him and you should encourage him to continue connecting with you. And then when you're in person, that's when you, not immediately, but over time, that's when you start having that conversation. I talked about this in a lot more depth in the video, hopefully. You, if you didn't see that, you can go back over it. Melissa says, I just blocked him. That'll show him who has the power. Yeah, I mean, if you don't wanna see him again, honestly, really, to a certain extent, it really doesn't matter what you do. If you don't ever wanna see him again, you block him, right? And that is your power, right? That is you showing that you have power in this situation. And at the same time, it's telling him that you are really affected by it, which also gives him some of the power, which is fine. But it is you ultimately walking away and saying, hey, I deserve something more, I deserve whatever more. And assuming that maybe he was playing a game or that it was uncalled for or whatever, then that's fine. If you're planning on unblocking him at some point, then what you're doing is playing a game and that is not gonna end up well for you. So of course, you can always block him if you don't like him and just move on with your life. You can certainly do that. Nadia says, absolutely, if you show what makes you upset, some will use it negatively. That is true. And it's not just about that, but it's also about whether you're, who, where are you coming from? You know, are you coming from a strong space? Are you not coming from a strong space? That's the question. That's the question. That is the question. I wanna know what the question is. So let me, so tell us what is your biggest challenge or frustration right now in your dating life? Let us know what's your biggest challenge, what's your biggest frustration in your dating life? And we will get to talking about some of the things, am I? I don't know. Cut off like some of the comments. I don't know what happened here. Okay, so Yvette says, how would you handle it when sometimes you feel like you're being fit into his schedule and not his priority? Well, so Yvette, you have to kind of think about it. Like, do you really want to ultimately be his number one priority? And most women, when I ask them that, will say yes. However, what studies have found is that when a guy pushes everything else in his life away and he becomes relationship focused and you become his priority and it's just you, most women end up losing interest over time from that. And so he's probably gonna, what you wanna do is make sure that you're in like his top two or top three priorities at all times, right? So he should also have work as a priority. He should also have family as a priority. There should be other things that are up there in priorities, right? If there's an emergency or something that absolutely needs to happen and you guys are in a committed relationship, you absolutely should be his number one priority, absolutely, hands down without a doubt, right? If you guys are in a committed relationship. However, if you guys are just dating, have you really gotten to the place where you should be the priority in his life, right? Like, you have to think about it from both standpoints, right, as a guy, you go out and you meet a woman, should she be the priority immediately? No, if you're in a committed relationship, things might change, right? And she should be at least in the top priorities. And some of the times she should be the number one priority. Some of the time work should be his number one priority. Some of the time other things, especially if you're in a masculine, feminine, dynamic, rolled relationship where he's kind of the provider figure and you're kind of the homemaker or whatever. And he needs to make sure that he's able to provide for you and the family and all that kind of stuff. He has to make sure that that's working, right? Cause for most men, if that's not working well for him, most guys will just lose their minds and just fall apart and crumble. And a lot of women don't understand it, right? They're like, well, what does it matter if we love each other, whether you even have any money or not, right? And the guy's like, I wanna be a man, you know? I wanna feel like I'm a man. I wanna feel like I'm strong. I wanna feel like I can provide and protect my family because that's my natural biological instinct. And so it's very important that I can, that I have a job and that I make money and that everything's going well. And so it depends on what you mean by fitting you into his schedule, right? If he's fitting you into his schedule, he's making you some kind of priority. The question is what kind of priority, right? And how much is he fitting you in his schedule and what are the other things in his life that are also priorities in his life, right? Because expecting him to just wipe the slate clean and be like, Yvette, you and I, we are going to just roll around in the fields and just and frolic through the grass and we're just gonna be together all the time, right? You can't expect that, right? He's got a life and he's got things going on in his life and he's gotta be able to fit you into his life, right? And how much he fits you into his life and how much he puts you there, tells you a lot about what you're gonna be experiencing in your future and in your relationship and all that kind of stuff. And you as a woman have to determine whether that is what you want or whether that's not what you want. And so you have to decide that, right? There's a whole bunch of different things you have to decide there. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. So make sure you do type into the chat what is your biggest challenge or frustration right now in dating or relationships? What's your biggest challenge or frustration? So Brienne says, I'm good at finding comedy in traumatic circumstances to alleviate the mood, good with words and making people laugh. Well, that's really cool. That's a good skill to have. I mean, in certain situations with certain people, with other people, I actually have kind of a dark sense of humor. I used to be a, I was in the military for a while and I was a medic in the military. Like I did a lot of trauma work. I was in Iraq. I worked at the, one of the combat support hospitals. I can't remember which one in Baghdad for a while. I saw all kinds of just crazy things. And so I ended up developing this really dark sense of humor from that. And sometimes I make jokes in inappropriate times, probably, although I've gotten pretty good at not doing that and making sure that it's a good situation where I'm making the joke and that if it's not, you know, that I'm not making a joke in that. But that's cool. That's really cool, Brienne. So cool on you for that. Nadia says that I forgive. That's cool too. Amanda said kindness, but that doesn't work well for me as you think. Well, you know, it depends on the situation making sure that kindness doesn't fall into letting men walk all over you or not having boundaries or any of that kind of stuff. Jazzy says, I lived in Green Mountain as well. Awesome. That's cool. I lived on Ohio Avenue, actually. My nephew was living with me and he was going to Green Mountain High School, which is cool. He just, he graduated last year and he's going to some school, I think in like Durango or something. But yeah, Colorado people. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Doop dee doop dee doop dee doop. Let's see what else we have here. What else do we have here? Linda says, what is my biggest challenge at the moment? Why when men are all on 100% and then turn around and ghost? It's frustrating as hell. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things, Linda, where a lot of times what happens is that men will, they have this idealization of who you are and it's in their mind and they're like all gung-ho, right? And you'll hear them say all kinds of crazy things, like they're in love with you, they'll like love bomb you or they will like, they'll like talk about traveling with you all around the world or they'll start having these future projections, talking about the future together and we're gonna be traveling the world and we're gonna be loving each other and it's just so amazing. And then like reality starts hitting them and they sober up and they start realizing what's going on and then they kind of disappear and it's a thing that happens for sure, right? And it happens on both sides but it definitely happens with men a lot and that's why you have to slow them down and just chill out with them and start questioning things and make sure that they're connecting because it's not necessarily a bad thing, right? Because it's like this biological drive that they have to like go after something and it triggers that, right? And what you have to make sure that you're doing is that you are breaking that and creating real connections through that and showing your vulnerabilities and getting him to open up and building real connections through that and that won't necessarily guarantee that he doesn't ghost because sometimes he might have a lot of, like a lot of times what happens is guys get dumb, right? They just get real dumb because they see a girl and they really like her and they're like, ah, you know, and they come after and they're like, I'm so amazing, right? And they're thinking about having kids together and all this kind of stuff but then what ends up happening is all their stuff, right? Men have insecurities, men have issues, men have problems as well. All their stuff starts coming up as well and then they get to a point where they're like, ah, am I really enough? Or they set these precedents, right? Especially when they're in those where they'll like, you know, take you out to dinner and do all these things that are way above something that they can actually afford, right? And they can't, they start to realize that they've set a precedent, right? They've set a frame around your interactions that says that they're gonna be spending lots of money and doing all these things and putting in all this effort and doing all these stuff, right? And then they're like, I am not that person and I'm not able to do that and it's not possible for me. And she, you know, I'm just gonna end up disappointing her and so they disappoint you immediately by ghosting and disappearing. And that definitely sucks. And one of the things that you can make sure that you are doing if you wanna make sure that you get into a great relationship is picking up a copy of the forever woman program. You can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash forever. You can get the program for free. You're gonna be signing up for a free trial. And so you do need a credit card in order to sign up for the free trial of the forever woman, which some women get really annoyed about. But hey, I'm giving a program away for free. You're getting it for free, right? And you get 14 days for free to get coaching, to get some of my advanced materials, like all that kind of stuff. And so my suggestion is that if you wanna end up in a great relationship where you're loved and you're cherished and you're seen by a great guy, that you pick up a copy of the forever woman program. It's helped women who are single completely change things around and meet the man of their dreams and end up in a marriage because of it. It's helped women who are married fix their broken marriages. It's helped women who went through a breakup get their exes back. It's helped women who went through a breakup get over their ex, right? It's done all kinds of great things for lots of different women. There's lots of women that love it. It's all the rules that you need to know in order to make sure to protect yourself in order to really get into a space where you believe in your own value, get into a space where you're positioning yourself as a valuable human being that a man wants to be with and then communicating in a way that a high value woman would communicate so that a guy recognizes you as different and special and unique and as the kind of woman that he wants to have in his life. Check it out. It's at commitmentconnection.com and so that's it for this video. Thank you so much for being here with us today. We have some of the most amazing, beautiful and special and awesome women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being with us here today. I've got to go get going. There's a truffle sandwich in my future here that I got to go get with a friend of mine and so I got to go and I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it. Have a beautiful...