 The Star Wars sequels do battle with the attack of the clones versus the Empire Strikes Back versus the last Jedi begun This clone wars has Such a stupid way to say something Quick note for the two of you that haven't seen the last Jedi yet. There will be spoilers aplenty So tread lately. Let's start with episode two in this multi-decade spanning saga I rewatched the movie for this feud as it's been many years since I've seen it last. It's not good It's it's just not good rather than do the obvious and shit on it though I'm gonna try and keep the force balance this time around. So let's start with the good Obi-Wan Kenobi I think it's pretty universally agreed that Ewan McGregor is just fantastic in this role He looks like he cares and he's doing his best with the often wooden dialogue He's given equally as terrific as Ian McDermid playing two parts one as the cunning and calculated Pelpatine the second being his true form the evil lurking in the shadows Darth Sidious Unfortunately, he's not given much time and the villain of the picture is Count Dooku stupid name played by Christopher Lee RIP and that rhymed unintentionally Jesus. I'm gonna go ahead and say it Chancellor P. Yeah He's the most sinister and well-crafted antagonist the Star Wars saga has seen so far It's too bad. He's in the prequels. That's where my praises stop Anakin and Pad may have the least amount of chemistry possible if I had no previous knowledge of the Star Wars prequels and you showed me clips of these two interacting and then stated this is in fact part of a prequel franchise for the 50 shades of gray, I Would believe you especially when Natalie Portman is rocking her fetish wear and being constantly creeped out by Annie's disturbing advances Yoda's comical in all the wrong ways here His dialogue is absurd and his fighting was better left to the imagination Samuel L. Jackson is in this too because of course he is he's in everything and he's almost always good every scene He's in is my favorite I want a frat film in the vein of old school where we have Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi leading a house The cysts can be there too. There can be all sorts of wacky high jinx going on pranks and whatnot Maybe they steal a mascot you can have a Portman cameo if needed But her all-white conveniently ripped crop top with skin tight pants is required She can be the head of one of the girl houses We could call it like Delta Force or something like that some of the awful CG characters come back and Jingo Fett and his son Have a pretty solid side story I can't wait for the captain phasma prequel film where she sees her mother die at the hands of a 90 year old Han Solo Or a bitter old Luke Skywalker, then she seeks her revenge grabbing the helmet of her fallen mother Speaking of Han and Luke let's Empire brings back all the favorites from the first including a force ghost Ben Kenobi who George Lucas must have had come back via Gunpoint because that actor was not a fan of the first film Harrison Ford Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher are the real deal here Bouncing witty dialogue both written and improvised off one another in appropriate situations R2-D2 C3PO and Chewie get their moments to shine as well joining the cast is one of the most Recognizable puppets in movie history Jedi master Yoda as a kid I loved this odd little hermit and wanted to learn with Luke the vast knowledge of the force as an adult I still want to believe we get one new Jedi one new Sith the Emperor makes his big-screen debut in a mysterious hologram Conversation with Darth Vader Vader's just the best We all know this a fearless killing machine that has seemingly no weakness We will learn of course in the prequels that he does have a weakness and it is in fact sand. It's a script inite He hates it Hans old buddy Lando is another welcomed addition to this original trilogy and I'm a bit surprised and relieved He hasn't been carted off into the new franchise just so they can kill him off The last Jedi has a lot of familiar old faces. They're from the original trilogy So their faces look genuinely old the Skywalker siblings get a good chunk of screen time while Chewie R2-D2 C3PO And Yoda have just a few minutes combined. Hamill still has a bit of that schoolboy charm in him But it's buried beneath a layer of bitterness and a beard Fisher's Leia is clearly hurting from the loss of her husband and son the former died and the latter is a dick The new class is all back again as well Ray Finn Poe Hux for some reason and Kylo all have their own story lines The Jar Jar Binks of the picture is Rose a spunky young fan girl of Finn Finn girl if you will thank you who gets to tag along with him on his misadventures Snoke probably gets the least amount of screen time in this picture and the saga as a whole running up just behind the Porgs BB-8, BB-90, Captain Phasma and that arms dealer. Bottom line is there are a lot of old and new characters to liken this jam packed outing I really hope the writer and director make great use of them Let's talk about story now I think we can safely agree that the attack of the clones is in no way shape or form an Empire Strikes Back ripoff It's very much its own thing. There are two key storylines taking place and share pretty equal time after Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi thwart an assassin from Assassinating Amidala the Jedi Council decide the best course of action is to have Obi-Wan follow up on a lead and let his young Hordy Padawan try to get some of that Padme the split here is on pace with the other two films having 30 minutes of focused Events before the stories really start to veer off in different directions in the last Jedi We have raised lost island adventure featuring Luke Skywalker Porgs Chewbacca Porgs a broken down X-Wing Porgs Alien tits Porgs a magic mirror from Snow White more Porgs Yoda Blowing up shit that belonged to the Jedi and was very special at one point Porgs and zero Jedi training That's the good third when Finn decides to bail with Rose to Casino Planet to find a hacker or something That's when I checked out of the film which circles me back to attack of the clones again The love story stuff between Anakin and Panda bear is disturbing at best and CGI pair slicing at worst Obi-Wan's discovery of a clone army is pretty cool And I dug the shiny futuristic alien factory where they were being made these two storylines Eventually come to a head when our heroes are all thrown into a coliseum to battle green screen effects The lack of choreography is really apparent though in a far cry from the extremely memorable battle between Maul and the Jedi and Phantom Menace the last Jedi has more than just two plots It has 30 the once more terrific Kylo Ren as a connection to Rey via force trick by snow It's very Harry Potter, and it's really just a way for snow to get Rey in the room so that they can kill her It was a cool little twist and I want to give Adam driver a special shout out for rock and his pants at chest high without a T-shirt on it's brave. It's bold. It's a last Jedi memba mas canada from the last flick She's in this too for all of 10 seconds doing a different battle possibly next to the Avengers trying to hunt down an infinity stone We'll probably see a spin-off film down the road. So that's a nice little teaser There's also a small story about slave children and space horse gambling and abuse We also get the tale of Luke's fallout with Kylo Ren and a he said she said type of flashback All of these small events lead to the overall big story though Which is a very very slow space chase one that takes place directly after the death planet was blown up in force awakens So this whole two and a half hour movie takes place roughly in two or three days And it moves the plot forward the distance between the two ships I've already complained about this movie enough though in two other videos So there's no reason to kick a dead space horse the movie cast with Luke projecting himself across space to hold off The first order for a few precious minutes. So the last remaining resistance fighters can escape He presumably dies because his Jedi battery has died and his force cloak falls Until of course JJ Abrams takes over in episode 9 and retcons this entire film that already retconned the last film It's a retconception Attack of the clones ends with a droid versus trooper battle and a super silly looking CG Yoda fighting a super old Christopher Lee A secret wedding takes place because Padme just can't resist the charms of a young hotheaded boy Who by his own admission slaughtered men women and children in a nearby camp? It's all good though because goddamn he looks good in that beanie ponytail Empire Strikes Back has its own split storyline after an amazing 30 minute opening battle on Hoth our leads flee the planet to different destinations Luke learning of a master Jedi on Dagobah goes there to train while his friends head to Cloud City to take refuge from the Looming dangers of the Empire they make a quick stop off first inside the pit of an Exogorth I believe that's the name of this creature I didn't know he had one, but I looked it up and that's what they say it is Eventually they meet up with Lando who would cross them during a super awkward family dinner Luke trains for what? I can only presume her a few days a week at most before he goes to save his friends and confront this enemy an enemy Who just happens to be his father? It's one of the biggest twists of all time and one that took everyone by surprise Even the guy who claims he saw it coming in 1980 when it hit theaters you didn't see it coming You're so full of shit Han is frozen in carbonite But not before delivering one of the most famous lines in the history of Star Wars and it's a Harrison Ford freestyle at its finest with Luke learning of His terrible heritage Leia losing her hunk of a man to a bounty hunter who will go out like a bitch in the next film and a galaxy on the Brink of destruction it's looking bleak for our heroes the second installment is praised for its pacing its updated effects It's strong story and that awesome cliffhanger and since I mentioned effects. Let's talk about them This is a mixed bag much like my no fear trap or keeper attack of the clones has not aged well Hell it was aged when it hit theaters It looks completely removed from the first trilogy no matter how many random CG creatures Lucas tries to fuck into them There's an uncanny feeling to all of it with most the actors just being in front of the green screens while they Mat in different effects the sets often look painted or digitally added in because they were and upon my recent viewing I couldn't believe how odd simple conversations looked to Lucas's credit He is known for crafting large-scale spectacle And it's not in short supply in the attack of the clones especially in the action packed last third of the picture The prequels also contain amazing music John Williams could have easily recycled all the classics But instead crafted some fresh and beautiful new ones the last Jedi is no different providing some stunning new pieces to add to John Williams already bloated portfolio Of course episode 5 has the privilege of being old and nostalgic So the Imperial March theme or a string of other compositions just stand out instantly in people's minds last Jedi has the best Visuals around which should come at no surprise the space battles the rich colors the island inhabitants all look great The low point is definitely that Las Vegas planet, but it's just a mess all around there I don't know why it even exists Leia also didn't look too supercalifragilistic as she Mary Poppins back into a ship after being blown up I don't really get the point of having her force Awaken again because they're gonna have to kill her off in the next film anyways Or maybe they'll find a tasteful way to have her go on a vacation away from all of this who knows It's anybody's game the kamikaze attack on the first order was a sight to behold and the lightsaber battle was a great moment for our Two leads Empire came out in 1980 technology and effects have obviously come a long way since then it is amazing How well this movie still holds up we're talking about a movie featuring space combat ground battles with giant four-legged Robo vehicles glow stick dueling and all sorts of zany shit I'm not stubborn enough to pretend this looks better than the last Jedi because it doesn't that said a fresh coat of paint Still can't beat a great story and that's the biggest takeaway here For all the whiz bang effects work all the painstaking detail to each digital frame For all the pageantry and over-the-top special effects all that is nothing if the story isn't solid Empire may be old but unlike 2017's Luke Skywalker Interpretation it only gets better with age it's valued by audiences around the world from all walks of life It's respected for its accomplishments It's cherished for its choices and bold direction and it certainly hasn't been hidden from the world Destined to fade away alone Empire easily takes the win for me here But I'd love to hear from you leave a comment vote for your winner and remember. This is more than just reviews This is movie feuds. This is also the last review of the year. So have yourself a great holiday