 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar, and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News, the show that makes you want to sing, laugh, dance, shout, cry, call the cops, defect! This episode is brought to you by the audiobook Bed Bugs by Jason R. Davis, narrated by Darren Marlar. If you love horror but hate bugs, this is the audiobook for you. Here, a free sample and support Marlar House by downloading the audiobook for yourself at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. Fox News is officially no longer fair and balanced, as the network will drop the slogan it has used for more than two decades. It was the late Roger Ailes who came up with the slogan in 1996 as cover for the network's right-leaning news. Moving forward, Fox News will be going with the slogan, Most Watched, Most Trusted. However, an unnamed source says that while fair and balanced is out as a slogan, it will continue to be a kind of editorial mantra for the network, because that has been so effective so far. Attendees at the annual Southern Baptist Convention have voted to condemn alt-right racism along with every other kind of racism. Last Wednesday, they approved a resolution to denounce and repudiate racism, including alt-right white supremacy as antithetical to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Congratulations, Southern Baptists! Welcome to the previous century! Hillary Clinton appeared in a video last Tuesday in which she compared herself to Wonder Woman. Some call her Wonder When She's Going to Go Away, woman. A traffic stop in Texas led to deputies discovering what they thought was nearly half a pound of methamphetamine. As a result, 24-year-old Ross LeBeau of Houston was arrested and spent three days in jail, but then he was suddenly released and the charges were dismissed because a forensic lab showed that the substance in question was not meth, but kitty litter. Embarrassing themselves even further, the Harris County Sheriff's Office has already put out a press release touting the fact that deputies kept our children and loved ones free from being introduced to drugs. The kitty litter was inside a sock, which granted is a little odd, but LeBeau said it worked at keeping his windows from fogging up. If you're a police officer that is unable to tell the difference between meth and kitty litter, do you have any business being a police officer? Come to think of it, do you have any business being a cat owner? According to the book The One Device, The Secret History of the iPhone, Steve Jobs never really wanted Apple to make a phone. Not only was the Apple CEO wary of dealing with mobile carriers, he was worried smartphones would only be popular with the pocket protector crowd. After increasing pressure from employees, Jobs finally agreed Apple could make a phone, and well, you know how that turned out. A study released this year shows that more than 50% of Californians ages 18-29 are substituting cannabis for alcohol. It has been proven to be less dangerous than alcohol, but it is harder to drink. Starbucks is teaming up with Lady Gaga to release a line of summer drinks. They should call it the baby it was brewed this way blend. We're only barely at mid-year but have already found the dumbest criminal of 2017. Police had very little trouble tracking down the guy who stole 100 GPS trackers along with other items from the Santa Clara offices of tech firm Roombie. While he apparently thought that they were cell phone chargers that he could resell, the devices he stole were actually designed to help producers track goods as they are shipped around the world. Company co-founder Vidya Subramanian said, �We notified the police and equipped them to track the devices, and at about five or six hours it was done. It gets worse for our burglar boy. He also managed to cut himself while taking a beer from the fridge during the burglary, leaving DNA evidence behind on a napkin he used to soak up the blood. Police say that when they arrested the suspect, they recovered Roombie's goods along with other stolen property, including an album of World War II photos stolen from a veteran's son in a break-in earlier this year. For some reason, his name has not been released, suggesting he might be a minor. Well, if he keeps being this stupid, he may never make it to adulthood. Yoko Ono is going to get co-writing credit for John Lennon's Imagine. Actually, I'd rather not imagine. Wow, that woman is still screwing up her husband's career. Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband Matthew Broderick had bought adjacent townhouses in the West Village and are currently combining them into one huge mega mansion. Personally, I would have kept them as separate townhouses, so I'd have some place to go when my wife tosses me into the doghouse. Vladimir Putin has sarcastically offered political asylum to James Comey. And Malania. In Sacramento, Lee Caldwell has decided she wants to be the world's newest billionaire and is looking for Chipotle to make that happen. She is suing them for $2.2 billion all because of a single photograph. While Caldwell has very little chance of collecting that kind of money, she is still moving forward with her suit nonetheless, saying the popular restaurant chain used a photograph of her in promotional material for years without her permission. Allegedly, photographer Steve Adams took a picture of her at a Denver Chipotle back in 2006 and asked her to sign a release, which she refused to do. Eight years later, she says she saw the image hanging inside a Chipotle in Florida, then in two different California restaurants in 2015. In fact, the lawsuit alleges that the chain first used the photo in advertising in 2006. It also says the image was doctored to include alcoholic beverages, which she says cast her in a bad light. So why the massive sum? Caldwell is seeking $2 billion, $237 million, $633,000 because that is precisely how much the company reported in net income for 2006 through 2015. And once the chain announces its figures for 2016, well, she wants that tacked on to the total as well. The lawsuit names Adams, the chain, and CEO Steve Ellis. Okay, let's think about this for a moment. She had her likeness used without permission and she wants every single dollar the company made while the photo was being used. So she obviously believes that it was her face that prompted people to buy food at Chipotle. And that was the only reason people bought the food. If her photo had not been used, then they wouldn't have made a single dollar. Therefore, she is entitled to every single dollar they made. I don't think that kind of arrogance even exists in Hollywood or Washington, D.C. Here's the kicker on this one. Her likeness is so ubiquitous and powerfully effective, I can't find it anywhere in a Google search. A new survey shows that men are four times more likely than women to take their cell phone out during a wedding. Well, yeah, because we're hoping for some kind of news to get us out of sitting there for the rest of the ceremony. The Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi divorce rumors flaring up again. Good news, fellas. She might be single soon. Ellen on the market. There are several reasons you may overeat in restaurants, but this might be the oddest one yet. When a heavy waiter or waitress works your table, it can prompt you to order more food and alcohol than you otherwise would do. That's the word from researchers at Cornell University's Food & Brand Lab in Ithaca, New York, who found that diners are four times more likely to order dessert if their server is heavy set. In addition, those same diners consume 17% more alcohol, and this effect is strongest on the skinniest diners. So whatever you do, at all costs, stay away from cracker barrel. Unbeaten boxer Floyd Mayweather is going to fight UFC lightweight champion Connor McGregor in a boxing match on August 26th in Las Vegas. Obviously, it's Mayweather who is strongly favored to win, so bookies are only taking bets on how McGregor will lose, judging, knockout, or beheading. In Scotland, an alleged car thief had his vehicle stolen while refueling it at a gas station. Officer Karma always on the job. Never miss a single episode of The Daily Dose of Weird News. 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