 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com, and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, doing this scares high quality men away. Doing this scares high quality men away. All right, really quickly, if the content here resonates with you and you're interested in talking to me directly, check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. OK, we're going to talk about the thing that so many women do that actually scares high quality men away. Now, by the way, when I'm talking about high quality, I'm simply mean men who are emotional grown-ups, men who are emotional grown-ups. They've got their act together, they've got a pretty balanced life, they don't have a lot of chaos in their life, and they're an emotional grown-up. And if you're not familiar with what an emotional grown-up is, I shot a video called the Five Signs to Emotional Maturity that you're definitely going to want to check out. It was a recent live that I did that leans into what emotional maturity is. And by the way, when I shared it about what a grown-up is, it's not just men, it's women alike. So I'll really quickly go through this because the signs of emotional maturity include actions matching words, taking personal responsibility for your choices, having a victor consciousness and not a victim consciousness, knowing how to what's called fight fair, having empathy. Oh, by the way, fighting fair is knowing how to listen to your partner's point of view and accepting their point of view as being true for them and then doing the same for you. The fourth sign of emotional maturity is empathy. And it's not just I can feel your feelings, it's I genuinely care about your feelings. I actually am thinking of head and care about your feelings. And lastly is transparency. And what I mean by transparency is if it's material to the relationship, you express what's going on and don't hide from it. Now, you might need time to process your feelings. That's a little bit different. But when you know it's something material to the relationship, you're transparent. Okay, so now we've just established what a high-quality man and a high-quality woman is. Okay, so what's the one thing that so many women do that actually drives men away, that turns men off? Well, sadly, and I see this so significantly, is many women give their power away. They give their power away. Now, what that means is it's literally giving one's power away means that one's happiness is derived on whether or not the other person cares about you, whether the other person loves you. In fact, here in the United States, we're literally suckling on the nipple of, I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself. I need you to love me to feel good about myself. And so what's happening is, and let me just illustrate this in the diagram, okay? Now, if you see this, the top circle says parent, the next circle says adult, and the bottom circle says child, okay? When you give your power away, you go into the child mode. You go into child mode. And what happens is it forces the adult to go into parent mode. And high-quality men don't want to be parents to your emotional well-being. High-quality men don't wanna be a parent to your emotional well-being. And so the minute you give your power away to another human being, which I see this again and again and again and again, you're setting yourself up for failure in the relationship. And literally, and this can begin on the very first date you're setting yourself up. This is why I highly recommend the book, if you haven't checked this out, how to be an adult in relationships. How to be an adult in relationship. Remember this circle says adult, okay. This is why it's so critically important. I know some of you have complained. All you do is recommend books. All you do recommend books. I do this because I'm not here trying to sell you on some, I'm not, I could create a $5,000 program based on this book. I could. I could sell it to you. I could make a boatload of money. Or I can recommend these books that I do. And by the way, I do make affiliate commissions. I make a few pennies anytime. And by the way, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books. So I make a few pennies. I'm doing this for you. I'm not doing it for me. I'm not doing it for my wealth. I'm doing it because this is the message I'm here to send to everyone. And I learned this message the hard way, everybody. I learned this the hardest way of all. I gave my power away to women in relationship. I put them up on a pedestal. I valued them more than I valued myself. I literally adopted I need you to love me to feel good about myself. This is why when Connor passed away, I said, I got to stop this. And that's why I did a deep dive and wrote my second book called what the heck is self love anyway? Because when you love on yourself, when you love on yourself, you don't give your power away to another human being. And that's my invitation for all of you. And we've got to start to listen. I yell. I yell. I yell. I yell. I'm yelling because I'm trying to get your attention. I want to shift the narrative. And by the way, what I'm asking everyone to do is pass this message on to someone else. Please share this video. And if you like the message, please hit the like button right now because this message needs to get out. And that message, okay, the message I wrote in this book is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Because if you want a juicy, delicious relationship, it starts with the relationship with yourself. That's the most important relationship in your life because as we age, there's a good chance we might not meet a partner or we might meet someone that they might pass away. So ultimately the relationship you have with yourself is the one that matters the most. And when you're loving on yourself a bunch, you become a magnetic attractor for that type of man or woman in your life that's gonna meet you where you're at. Because ultimately, when you act like an adult and lead by example, you weed out the wrong people very quickly and you begin to attract the right people much faster. And that's my invitation for you. Would you like to have a juicy, delicious relationship? If you say yes, please post a comment, ask a question, I'll do my best to read all of them. I hope this is sinking in and I hope this is making sense. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a stuffed animal or teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.