 Hanging upside down Watch the broken ground He's singing it now That's all we've been saying for the last half an hour while this has been getting set up Episode number 34 of the Money, Michael, fully actual podcast Holy shit! I don't know if there are any tickets left available to our live show in a few weeks But if there are, the link will be in the description, okay? We've done a main feed post that must mean that there's, like, must be maybe 20 or 10 tickets left I'm just guessing two weeks into the future Nine Yeah, I reckon Nine left Hopefully they'll be sold out I should go sold out, that's gonna be my estimation James is usually spot on, I'm gonna go with nine left Anyway, fuck man, what a fucking week we had last week Oh yeah Holy shit, so the Kraken Milk boys, they're filming their TV show pilot, right? And they borrowed our property last week So we'd work, like, nine to five, and then they'd rock up And they'd film from, like, six to, like, three a.m. And they cast us all four of us in it, which is cool, it was a lot of fun But man, we had some long nights and some fucking, some short sleeps So last week was intense, it was probably the fucking longest week I've had in a long time Yeah, yeah, well you had, what, four nights? And I was coming off of all the fucking, like, yeah, I had four nights here And coming off all the drugs and shit, so I couldn't sleep properly For like a few, couple of nights, it was some insomnia So man, it was fucking rough, but day eight, sober And fucking, here we go, can't feel so much better Yeah, it does make a difference And this is how he's dressing now, that's not even a costume Yeah, I fully forgot about the costume today Yeah So did Matt Hanging upside down Watch the broken brown Scenario, go! Alright, now Matt, you have... I get to, you have to be with... Can you do that? Yes I can Alright, you're no longer talking Okay, well look, I've got a good scenario The brown has the power We can't hear you We, none of them can hear you Michael's been giving Matt You're fucking nothing in this until I say you are Monetary scenarios all morning and Matt's just these guys I don't think he answered that one I don't think he answered the one, would you break up with him Michael, we can't hear you Me so, for 50 grand That's good question Okay, I don't want to talk about girlfriends Okay, we've got this, I've got some data Michael, they can't hear you I don't want to talk about it Alright, now listen up I have control of your voice Hanging upside You're back You're gone, okay? Okay, so this scenario is Would you for... $1,000 hang upside down for 10 days Would you for $30 This is pointless Collect a bunch of cans And take them to a recycling centre Yes, yes I will It takes about 3 months I don't know, I'm going to say like what? $1,000 $30 Wait, are they already here? And this scenario, I have to go find them And do I have a time limit? It takes 6 months I'll do that in 6 months, I'll do that in 2 weeks I've got a better scenario You have to, you get 3 months On a yacht going through the Greek islands This sounds good But you have to be the cleaner of the yacht That sounds good, but then what do I miss out on? Are you just going to send me away for 3 months? I don't know, I'm just thinking Yeah, these are just what my scenario is Who's on the yacht with him? Who am I cleaning up after? That's the thing You've got Jeffrey Epstein He's dead You've got He's missing, sorry That's quite a clean up then you'd have, wouldn't you? Yeah, you probably wouldn't want to go then Actually, no, I'd clean up that You've got safe, I'll be safe New people wipe him Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore And He's going Charlie's Movie themed And Dennis Ferguson That would be so interesting I would go on that yacht for free Yeah, I'd still do it I would enjoy that Imagine how Dennis would interact Yeah, Dennis would be bored He'd be so bored I'd like side with him And like fuck with the girls Yeah, it would be interesting to see them interact I'd keep fuck with him And go, we're going to go to an island soon You'd be able to meet people And then not go to an island Alright, well, you get an all expenses paid trip Through Europe For two weeks But you have to spend Three hours a day Hanging upside down Hanging upside down And have your eyes closed You have to have your eyes closed That would be so painful You have to be awake and have your eyes closed For three hours every day Can I Standing up Wait, wait, wait, wait Can I spread the three hours across my day I can't be done I would love to see how red you were You'd be brown You would be actually brown You'd be really brown You could pull yourself up and like rest Like upright But just on the rope that's I don't think Michael wanted that No, I like the idea of hanging upside down too But you wouldn't even do it standing up So, of course, you're not going to do it We should have a hanging upside down competition I think it's dangerous at a certain point Well, then you pull out Yeah, well, that's cool Maybe one of us could get like a brain damage or something Disease Alright, new scenario You have to clean You have to dispose somehow But you have to get rid of everything That car, that like fucking broken down car there All the pieces of glass Everything must be gone Get to it, what's the price? You get two grand Yeah You've got to take care of that And I'll take care of that You can't call up a tow truck driver You've got to take every piece yourself somehow You've got to hire a truck yourself You've got to drive it yourself You're going to maybe take piece by piece That's your scenario Two Ks It's flying after a while Anyway Yeah Two grand is a lot of money, dude I'd rather just get rid of it And get the hundred bucks they give me for it Would you never have eyelashes again? How are you going to do that? I'll put a chemical on there Can you do that? I'll find a way But you get three Kcash right now No, I like my eyelashes Okay, I'll give you fifty grand But you never grow your eyelashes again You don't even know how you're going to get rid of them yet You haven't thought of the three Listen, I'm taking this seriously You haven't even thought through your scenarios properly I don't know, I'll get a chemical I reckon you would I reckon you'd give up your eyelashes for fifty K You're making it silly now Anyway, look, let's move on We can scatter the scenario in throughout That's what me and Brown's days like That's when we're playing worms Just about sitting in silence While Michael spits scenarios at him Anyway, the cracker milk sketch It's going to be out So we're all in it It's going to be out, I believe, on Halloween So this month Very excited to see It was very amazing to see them all work They're proper fucking It was like a proper set It was very professional And I think it's going to be fucking hilarious There's lots of laughing on set Michael got in trouble a few times Because he couldn't be quiet Yeah, Michael was obsessed with playing worms The whole time During, in between every take Amazingly, brought everyone together I brought everyone together I created a worm's cult We had an audience at one point I didn't lose a match I also did 2v1 So it was eight worms Versus four worms Now I don't know if you guys know this But I was world number nine At worms, this game And I versed two players Versus four, eight, verse four Bang, gone, dead I had one worm against seven at one point And I took them down with one worm I was world number nine At this game So I've got a story from the cracker milk night One of the ladies there had her young son At the shoot And he was just sitting there Michael was talking to him And he goes, oh, do you play video games? And he was telling And he just started telling him about worms And I was like, here it comes And he's like, I was world number nine in worms He's telling this kid really excited I never normally tell people that And this kid got excited And I was like, that's the first person I've ever seen Get excited on the fact that you're world number nine A seven-year-old I can connect with kids better than adults That's for sure We had a gun battle at one point too I swore in front of that kid Yeah, holy shit And I swore big It conditions them He was James is standing right next to this kid And what do you say? You're like, fucking cops I've been winding a bunch of fucking electrical cords And I was just like, fuck you, man Screamed at the core Like a bit of a shock Very good To my side And he's just like, these two innocent eyes Looking up at me Very shocked I thought you called him that Fuck you, man I'm holding cords Then he came and offered me to help He was like, do you need help? Okay, wait, I've just come up With the best scenario ever Brown is ruining this podcast Okay You have a homeless woman approach you Where are you going to get them from? She's just fucking homeless Where is she? There's no homeless woman around here It's a hypothetical Yeah, I know, but he can't get the game He's not good enough You can't get the game Alright, so this isn't real This is just made up And you just got to answer it So what's the point of me getting involved? This is not real It's exciting This is a good one It reveals a kernel of truth about yourself So homeless woman comes up to you, right? She's pregnant She can't afford an abortion And she says, look I've looked it up online And I just fucking Can you just help us out And shove a A coat hanger up there Oh, Jesus And then you're like What? But she says I know where some gold is And that gold is worth $500,000 Would you do it? I think you've been muted So tempting No, I don't want anything to do with that $500,000 $500,000 She is lying to me, clearly No, she's She will give you $5,000 If you just Why is she homeless if she has $5,000? I don't know Don't It's a treasure map she gives you But she has it She chooses to be homeless She hates capitalism It doesn't matter I'll try and make it seem No, I want an answer What are you talking about? No, yeah, no What if she had the gold? Take the homeless part out of it She's a crazy lady If she's crazy I'm not going to believe her that she has the gold No, but she has it In her hands showing it to you But I don't want to do it myself, Matt Like, I'm desperate I've gone to abortion class It's illegal now I can't do it I can't have this baby, Matt Have $500,000 in gold bullion What do you say? All right, so Yeah, I would do it Absolutely, she's got $5,000 in her hand Yeah, I'll kill that thing You're a horrible person, man Okay, that's unbelievable I'm shocked Hanging up Hanging upside down What are we talking about? Yeah, so cracking milk was good We had fun Yeah, so fun being on a set And, yeah, I really feel like It's going to be an amazing I think it's going to be like 20 to 30 minutes long Conor was saying So it's going to be a fucking Big, long, cracking milk sketch If you haven't checked them out Go and have a look there It's a sketch comedy It's very funny It is very well done Locky was in it too Yeah, Locky's in it And we lied to him heaps Yeah, so well done cracking milk Fucking very amazing It was a fun night Just hanging out with like Yeah, it's just good Nice to be on set I want to make a funny video You guys were there? Yeah, I wish you were there too Marty was ripping farts The night I wasn't here In front of random people Yeah, yeah Complete strangers All the crew and cast Was just fighting as loudly as I could It was fucking hilarious, man Not on my night here alone though I didn't do it then Yeah, it would be too scary I got shy I got shy and went outside I've got to say some of the performing I saw of your acting Was so funny I think it was very good Very good, Mart I didn't get to see you The one you saw You said it was really good But your little sniffing scenario You did I think everyone did quite well Everyone, we all kind of And we're on film And I don't know how Mike was But I was trying so hard I was biting my cheeks Trying not to move Trying not to do anything With the sniff? With the sniff It was so difficult He's like full channeled Like an actor Yeah, I just got lucky That few things And few weird skills I have were all in that role What was your character? Were you just a No, I was just An extra there Yeah That if there was a skill For playing worms I would have I definitely won that one Mike died He interrupted a conversation This morning to be like A guy came up to me And like when he left And he was like You're really good at worms, man Tom, Tom did He came up And he's like, dude You are unbelievable I warned them not to say that To him And yeah It just strokes his I am His worm head Very good at it Anyway Let's get into some sponsors, eh? 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I can run 100 meters In under 12 seconds Bullshit I've seen it I've seen it After you drink AG1 You could too, I reckon You're pretty fast these days After you drink AG1 It's true What about what's it do for you, Matt? It's given him costume-building skills Yeah, true It's improved Think about it It's improved out of sight Since you started drinking AG1 That is true Yeah It's made you more creative James is not fucking around Like he has It has improved Matt's costume selection Is his only creative outlet Everywhere And he puts his whole heart and soul into it now Of that and planning how to fire people at his work I will say that it My shits have been so nice It's like the, what do they call that? Bowls My bow movements are very beautiful now That's nice AG1 I was going to go back to you firing people But maybe later Um He was in a chair And he turns around And he's wearing glasses and a suit And he tells them to pick a hand Pick a hand Left or right And then one end it just says You're fired And then the other one it says You're fired as well And Ty opens one And then as they start getting up And laughing he shows them the other one They're definitely fired no matter what Oh man I would watch that I would actually watch that It would be a good show Yeah that was better than the one I had I'm firing shit Yeah God Please, please record the next one secretly for us I can't Alright Yes Alright And of course man skate man We're getting a lot of dams From a lot of people that watch the podcast Telling us about how hard their lives are Um And I just want you to know that We don't fucking care Go to manscape.com and use our discount code FullyActual20 to improve your life You have the way to make your life better Use it Manscape.com they will make your life better Stop your fucking whinging Stop DMing us about how sad you are And go to manscape and fix your shit Your hairy fluffy shit Shave it off and fucking fix it You smell better You fucking look better You fucking harder And you love longer You can go to manscape and fucking hard Fucking hard and strong And really steel bone up them Manscape Shave your fucking balls so they slide in deep We don't cry We supply our Also for women Brazilian ones Link in description Perfect Christmas present for your sisters And then you've got the Beautiful University of Marble.com So we just posted a video Oh this is a couple of weeks ago I don't know what's coming out right now But the one just posted is Do condoms really protect And man There is a scene in there that was like One of those scenes where I'm truly ashamed Like I was like this Oh man Incredible science It needed to be tested And you tested it thoroughly Like we're spraying Like yeah I can't even I'm curious enough at what It sort of is science Because we're literally Finding out if condoms work You're testing them to their Maximum durability Yeah It got very very scat But fuck it Sorry Yeah So fucked But anyway There's a free 21 day trial Link is in the description We've got two other content creators Who also post weekly on there It's like fucking 3,000 Billion hours of content on there now I think So have a look And if you don't like it You can cancel before the 21 day free trial It's still free man Matt's not a member Yeah He doesn't support He doesn't support Oh I've got the scenario of the century Oh man Alright That's the title of the podcast The scenario of the century It's a Matt Brown exclusive though Hang Alright Make it good Would you give up All of your fucking Duped kids toys What are they called again Cards Oh yeah those things And stickers Yeah yeah Oh no no You can keep your stickers You gotta get rid of those weird Pitches that Anyway Now This is making that Scenario we're talking about Yeah Four Right now I would give you For all your cards How much $750 No They're worth more What are they worth 1500 or something No Anyway I'll give you 1200 bucks It's a bit offended I want Five I reckon you'll say five Yeah five grand might Swayed me to Give up this one Okay so you right now Right now here right now Not too like two can Two couples here Five K So if Michael got five K Right now and gave it to you You would burn your whole collection I could be pretty There's sentimental What about two K I reckon he would There's cash I've got about three cards That are probably worth More than five K I also reckon he'd take it But I might take the five K You wouldn't take two You wouldn't take two K right now Five just bang Two K in your hand I get to fuck your cards up It's also just the annoyance Of like cause I'm trying to think of something You're never going to put them on eBay To sell them Bad for me Like if Michael came into my house And wanted to burn My whole cactus garden All the plants in my house I'd probably be able to replace it All for five grand But I'm like there's so much effort So no Fuck that That's different That's a lot of effort Think about it You've got the two K cash In your hand right now You're never ever going to go online And go on eBay Start an account And go I'm going to sell this card For 75 cents And this card for three dollars And this card for fifty dollars And this card for a thousand dollars You will never do that I'll give you two grand right now And you can get rid of those Fucking stupid things I want six now Alright I'll back off I'll back off I'll back off Oh yeah Gate just flew open then There's a ghost Anyway guys We're going to have a very quick And hard and ferocious bong break And we'll be right back With Matt vs. Michael And Matt's Tinder adventure bitch Suck it in deep Hanging upside And We're back Alright guys It's currently 16 all And Matt vs. Michael hit a brown Shit Matt vs. Michael It's Matt vs. Michael It's Matt vs. Michael today Yeah Matt vs. Michael It's Matt vs. Michael It's Matt vs. Michael today Yeah Come, come, come, come What's it come Come have fun Come have fun Come have fun today Bottle of cum Alright it's 16 All the winner of this segment We'll get to keep the prize Bottle of Matt's mint And do with it Whatever they want Season finale And They've given me some suggestions Both of them And none of them are good Yeah if you come into the live show You get to watch that And smell that life Oh my god I'm really afraid of What that could do Yeah so am I We should really plan the timing of that Yeah we gotta be like Planned for people to pass out And vomit And they should put some buckets Thick plastic tarping Oh Thick Might burn through it We don't know And mattresses everywhere Anyway 16 all Currently In there We do a I test their Physical Emotional Spiritual strength Every single week Their intelligence Everything is tested here Okay To find out who is truly Is the better man Oh 16 all right now Do you know what Conor was doing The whole cracker milk shoot There was I don't know How many people Here Probably 30 Okay So maybe Maybe 30 people Over the weekend It's like It's like It's just really bad Estimating He knows exactly What to say To really get under the brown skin He's so happy with it He's so happy with it Ruin my story I go on man No no no I won't tell it I'll tell it then No I'm not going to tell it man So please So Early on Conor was like It's going to be to everyone Oh come on man All right All right This is just me and James now Yay I love that I can I never think about doing it He's going to trip on the power now So Yeah Conor's been bringing people Into the Podcast room The whole weekend And like You've got to see this And Showing you my combo So all these people That have never met Matt before In their lives Guy out there His combo He was coming in here Fucking Hundreds of times And everyone's question is How did you get it in So that was hilarious But then What I found out Towards the end of the weekend Matt had to reply with a funnel Towards the end of the weekend We started to figure out We started showing people The golly bottle Yeah And they were more disgusted by that We found out that people Were more disgusted in the golly bottle Yeah Dude I held them both up And everyone was okay with the cum Hated the golly bottle Incredible That'd be equally fun Imagine meeting Like Oh hey mate Hey look at these These half a bottle Of fucking Of his cum Liquid is his cum You think differently About you surely Yeah The golly bottle That's the first impression Like that's an Extreme first impression To get Yeah it is It's a lot to process Especially for the girls There I reckon That'd be quite alarming Lucky I have a girlfriend I kept telling everyone It was just one load How many times Just once One really big one Did they believe it No They usually laughed Matt said the G word then Did you guys hear that Girlfriend Yeah He said lucky I have a girlfriend Oh I said it again Oh Matt slept her house I'll probably lose her after she Figured that out Oh no At least she knows you now So it's like You know It's nice It's nice It's nice It's nice It's nice It's nice It's nice It's nice It's like you know It's not as fucked I haven't really mentioned that Yeah Well look If you win Matt vs Michael Then she'll understand I can give it to her As a gift Oh To Skull Oh Fuck Moving on What were we just talking about Oh yeah yeah yeah About to get it So for today's Matt vs Michael We find out Who is the better Sculptor They will each Have half Of this blue tack Jesus Do we get any tools with that No Can we seize paper rocks You get what you get You don't get upset Alright you each have two minutes You both go at the same time And you must mould the best sculpture that you can Any stipulations Complete creative freedom Do they tell us what it is Or do we have to guess Or They tell us I think I feel like there needs to be some Equality here So Either you squish yours back into a ball Or Matt spreads his hand like a big fat pancake Okay thank you Don't you fucking do that again Sorry What were we just saying Oh yeah yeah So just complete creative freedom I like to not put any boundaries on Matt's creativity How much time? Two minutes Fuck that's a long two minutes No No man That's a long time I was in the bathroom the other day and I had some blue tack And it only took me two minutes to make the little Dick I stuck on the wall That's two balls and a tube Yeah You know Alright You boys ready James and I will judge on Wait Michael's gone pancake again Michael Squish it Hard No Michael No No Imagine if his was a pancake Okay alright So hang on what was the don't What was the criteria We judge on just What we think is the most beautiful So it has to be beautiful Beauty Okay Okay fuck For me I'm gonna look at more Marty's gonna look for beauty I'm gonna look at realism So whatever you create I want to be Can't be made up imaginary wacky times Cool shit Well yeah like it could be a unicorn Cause that's not real But I can still it can still be realism You know Okay fuck this is hard I'm going I'm going really left wing on this And I'm gonna see what happens Alright wing on Three two one begin Well Matt's gone in so aggressive This is for the lead boys It's 16 all It's fucking close Matt has his This is great Much stronger hands than Michael Like outrageous Like look at the thickness of those thumbs He's glancing over at Michael to see What he's doing But he's rubbing Michael's just made the pancake that he had before Now he's twisting an end of it And Matt's just rolling a little ball Matt's doing a little ball hey I think Matt might be making a cock Oh yeah cock and balls you know Fuck that's so weak Matt James literally just said that And that's where you got your idea from You didn't say you put me down Why are you putting me down Oh that's fucked Now he's going against me already No is that true you're making a dick and balls Yeah I was gonna do a nice dick Alright well let's see how realistic it is Okay I'll give you a chance I want to see some veins though Oh man mine is 50 seconds gone 50 seconds Now give me the time That's 3.26 One minute down I'm allergic Matt's still just making balls I want veins Matt Michael is working slightly to his right Which makes me think he's either threatened by Matt Seeing his creation Or he needs the light Or he's cheating Or he's cheating somehow Oh man if he's making what I think he's making It looks very good Dude Oh we got 30 seconds left Matt I think he might be in big trouble bro 30 seconds left boys Michael's making what I think he's making 30 seconds Get a close up of that Matt Biting the tip of that cock And 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Drop your work I mean don't hold it But no more structuring Alright Michael Would you like to explain what you've made Alright since I'm fucking rad And I've been all around the world When I travelled through Mexico With Henry I fucking knew it We caught an 8 foot Sailfish Well Henry did I lost mine out of the ocean And it was this big But 8 foot And basically We fed a whole village with it And this is what I was like with the fish At the end It was like holding it But it was 8 foot So I had to hold it up here 8 foot Yeah And this is a replica of it This is actually the fish I'm pretty sure That's got a story on it And there's a piece of the fish itself Dude I give it to you That's very good Very good Sailfish Alright Matt what are you Mine's a dick Mine's a dick Can I just say that I'm guaranteed that I've won this one And I'm just I'm going to brag I'm going to brag before the judges even say I've won I've won this one Yes It's fucking 18 You're going to have to judge 18, 17, 17, 16 I'm actually trying to be nice to you And say dude that's very good You must have no life To be able to do blue tuck like that Man Sailfish Hey What's a fucking basketball can collector Tell me Can you just tell me what you thought it was I thought it was going to be an iguana Oh wow I thought fish as I caught a glimpse of it When you were doing it Anyway I thought a pokemon That water pokemon Yeah I can see that too But what was more impressive Of the back story How fake was the back story That's real Yeah he told me about that before He literally fed a village That's cool shit Yeah Mike I don't think he fed a village That's stupid Yeah dude the fish was 8 foot How many people in the village 3 3 million It was actually a city He fed a city A fed a city With my fish Alright let's move right along Let's get into some fucking tinder adventures I reckon Hit it brown T-I-N-D-O We have Matt's tinder Matthew Brown has lost control now These women will lose their souls Alright so this is a segment Where we have taken Matt's tinder And we do all the swiping We do all the DMs In trying to get him a partner Even though he already has a partner now We're still just going to get some backups Because we know how Matt's self sabotages Alright Hey Matt How are you? What's up my little flower How was your weekend? I played with my puppets I'm practicing for my show My weekend has been good Shame about the Broncos losing And puppet show eh lol At least you're good with your hands right? Yeah I was fucking devastated Should have seen me I was fully crying and shit I DMed Nathan Cleary And fully told him I would bash him If he ever comes to Brissy Yeah I do ventriloquilism I started like 2 years ago As a hobby and now I do shows for my family I'm matched Oh my god I thought she unmatched Wasn't even that bad She knows what she wants Alright so this girl starts a conversation Hey how are you? I'm thriving right now So many opportunities Sitting in my lab it's awesome How's your day off and shit? Yeah I've been really good I was so excited to have a full night's sleep I work odd hours Oh true What hours do you work? Do you have many cool opportunities coming your way? I started 10pm tonight And usually do 12 plus hour shifts I love what I do I kinda made it to where I want to be Oh that's so sick So you're literally living your dream What do you do? And what if like a super good opportunity Present itself I feel like you should always be on the lookout For opportunities I've like 3 or 4 opportunities I'm kind of looking at at the moment Oh what are they? What do you do? Oh I've got an email from this crypto guy And he wants to start a website with me So that's one opportunity There are second opportunities That I can start a podcast About making the most of opportunities So I'm thinking about doing that Then I got an opportunity at work Where they're offering me less hours So I can concentrate on my other opportunities Then like a little half opportunity Is I've nearly finished signing up as an Uber driver Oh no I'm a fork left driver Oh sick Did you always drive for So did you always want to drive forklifts So you like have to drive crates And cheer around That's pretty decent opportunity Because you can meet people in network And you can also earn money So good work in taking that opportunity There's so much opportunity And that's an ongoing Oh that's a tough one Alright another one Who starts a conversation with you So you know Very keen Hello there Matt You're a very attractive man With a beautiful smile How's your public holiday treating you That's so friendly of you My pet falcon literally made a sound When I read your message So she must approve of you already Public holiday so nice I'm just sitting in air con with my pet falcon What are you doing What no way you have a falcon I need to see this beautiful lady I'm chilling in my room with a fan And my mini me attached to my hip lol Yeah I do Technically I need a permit to have one in Australia That's why I don't have any pics of her But she's my best friend I've had her for nearly 7 years now Oh cool how long have you had your child I have 2 My son is 9 And my daughter is 5 Do you have any kids My best friend is my cat lol Oh that's so cool I bet they love their mommy Don't they I bet they do Oh no not a cat Hopefully my falcon doesn't mind your cat My falcon can kill and carry Fully grown sheep I've trained it to attack intruders too Her talons could crush the neck of a burglar easily My falcon is so beautiful and strong I love her so much My falcon is my child And I've hand raised her from when she was an egg My cat is 11 and a half years old As healthy as she looks I don't know if she has long left Do you have snapchat Oh true Yeah because if we moved in together I don't know if I could guarantee that my falcon Won't go for your cat And feast upon its body My falcon comes first in my life She's been through so much with me And I know it's weird but we have a very tight close bond If you earn and respect If you earn the respect of my falcon Then she will protect you just like she protects me My ex didn't earn her respect And it ended up costing the relationship No sorry I don't use snapchat I can download it if you want Oh well my kids And then my cat come first Once my falcon and your kids know each other My falcon will protect them too If they could just walk to school And my falcon would follow them And glide around above them And if anyone came near them My falcon would attack their faces It's like having a dog that can fly Except way cooler and prettier People automatically respect you if you have a falcon It's weird Kinda like a little Being a little famous it's crazy How are your kids with falcons Are you having lunch or something I don't know We have only seen them in the sky Yeah I was having lunch Yeah they're super super rare And really hard to tame My falcon always gets so much attention It's like walking around with a lion Same reactions from people My falcon changed my life What did you have my lunch I just fed my falcon She had an organic raw chicken breast And toky mints And she hasn't replied to that She must be so fucking bored Of that conversation Just talking nonstop About your falcon Please keep going until she asks you About your falcon And then I get really offended Oh very good Constantly Can you get it start getting offended already And to be like you haven't asked me one question About my falcon So gaslighting I would be Oh man Oh man anyway Create friction and get burnt That's how it is Geez how do I respond to that Lo? You did perfectly Play with me Am I gonna get burnt Only if you want And then she just randomly replies And goes a few days later and goes Only if I want what To get burnt Something weird happened with my tinder I can only see from your only if you want comment It was like you disappeared and rematched Lo Lo what the hell That's so weird We had a full on conversation last week You don't remember I remember now with the getting burnt comment And your profile saying you're of brown royalty But it's legit like you disappeared And I assumed you unmatched me If I could send pics I would show you Yeah and then we spoke about how you're a response to that And how I thought you were really funny Then you were saying you find me really attractive And that you really want to see me without a shirt on Then I was saying that I'm drawn to you And I think we have a connection and you agreed That doesn't sound like me Lo Unless you read my mind Oh my god I knew this would happen Literally said to you last week I bet you will pretend to not remember our conversation next week And you replied with Lo what That conversation can as if that conversation Can't just disappear You have ESPN Lo What I know you're just taking the piss now If you don't want to talk to me Then just say so You don't have to pretend like you can't remember our conversation It's a little condescending I wasn't being condescending I was having a bit of a joke around I'm all for joking around But I genuinely thought we had a bit of a connection So it's just a little hard to read that you don't remember our conversation I told you things that I haven't told anyone for a long time Not my intention So I apologise if you offended I can give you my number and prove to you that the conversation Prior to this morning isn't there for me No it's okay I believe you Sorry I'm just feeling a little down I was looking forward to connecting more with you Now it feels like we have to start again There's nothing wrong with starting again Unless you don't want to that is I feel like it's worth it with you But do you promise you will remember our conversation this time Even if our conversation gets wiped again I promise Oh no No Okay sweet Create friction and get burnt I just got burnt cooking lunch Oh no Not badly I hope I got burnt once I was fucking hammered And fell onto a campfire My sister had to drag me out of the flames And I'd second degree burns on my chest Not badly I was just playing I wasn't paying attention and my fingers brushed the hot pan I think a lot of people have fallen into Drunk into a campfire But also don't wish it upon anyone that would have been so painful Yeah lucky I was so black out at that stage I don't remember it But the next day I woke up and my shirt had Crusted onto my burnt chest And I went to pull it off and it ripped my last layer of skin off It's probably the most pain I've ever been in Arched back in a school zone You didn't go to hospital I did that day I was hoping it would heal itself but it kept Weeping past in that clear shit Plus the pain was super intense They took a skin graft from my arse cheek And now it's fully healed Shuffle around and fluff my feathers I'm teaching Why from the arse? I guess it's just a spot where it doesn't matter if it scars I didn't really ask Blades of hot steel Slice through my environment My soul is butter Blades of hot steel? Steel forged in the heart of hell And delivered to my front door I feel the kiss of life as the blade slices through me Okay It's just a way for me to describe How the second degree burn made me feel What was it like giving birth? Used descriptive wording Excruciating I think that's pretty descriptive Yeah I bet Trying to describe how it made you feel And really concentrate on the moments here Remember I want to be there with you I know it's not the same as actually being there But at least if you really take me there I can tell the kids that I know what it was like When you were born If we get to that stage Where you're ready for me to meet them of course In the months of labour I yearned for the end Both because I was exhausted But also because my child would be the result The prize to my hard work Oh the exhaustion I can feel it in your words Did you feel the vibrations when they tore you open Or was that memory suppressed Oh I did not tear open I laid it as long as I could Before the doctors and midwives decided C-section wouldn't be the best option Imagine having to go through labour Only to have it ending in a C-section It's disappointing That's hectic, hectic as shit I can't even imagine being awake As they slice you open and rip a human out From inside of your uterus Crazy what the human body can take With my feet really wide apart And bobbing up and down to a song I've got a mouthguard in You're awake But you don't feel anything Or you shouldn't after having anesthesia Injected into your spine Are you doing that right now Or do you mean that's why you would have done in that situation Surely we feel your body getting Joke from side to side And then you rip a baby out of your guts Oh yeah I'm doing it right now I'm smoking a cigarette too And bobbing up and down to a song To the sound of the song That song green green grass Blue blue sky song I can feel my testicles bouncing off my inner thigh I might need to put some underwear on Oh no Yes I felt it but there was no pain Just like a slight push-pull Kind of feeling It's too hot for underwear I'm picturing a farmer ripping a calf Out of one of his cows Is that how it was How it's hard at first But then it just kind of gives way And the baby slides out with ease Covered in placenta and blood and shit Yeah I'm really getting into it This song just makes my body And takes my body and moves it I'm looking from side to side really fast It hurts my neck and it's kind of making me dizzy Can't say I've seen a farmer Rip a calf from one of his cows I'm on the couch with Netflix I'm stretching my mouth open as far as I can The neighbors know not to look at me Is this normal for you Or have you had a few drinks On my days off I like to party So yeah I've had half a bottle of rum Or like a third or some shit I can feel my throat burning It's the limited edition Darren Lockyer rum And that's an ongoing conversation No outstanding That was fucking class Holy shit dude Did you like that Matt What are you for climbing He's distracted by movement out in the distance It poses a threat to his safety There's two men at the top of the driveway But they're crossing the road to the other side You can discard that situation now Matt You can relax The safety is maintained Breathe out, you're holding in anxiety into your lungs Breathe out fully Imagine if they just got wiped out by a semi-trailer right now Man that was fucking, that was a good time Tinder thing That was so good Matt Bobbing with a mouth guard She didn't even address the mouth guard She let that one go It would be so insane to do that on your own Were you just messaging on Tinder It's incredible what these girls will Tolerate Read and then continue a conversation Dude it's sad It's like they like the attention Even though they can see how Clearly damaged this person is I think they just forget There's so much to read and take in That they kind of forget some things She did say Maybe they think like You're just actually mucking about and having a laugh Some of them just like the The entertainment value Or they could just think that you've got like Something wrong with you Alright so she starts this conversation What's up baby What did you have for breakfast Random but coffee and a bacon Egg, English muffins That's so good Did you put butter on the muffin Did you have any sauce or anything I'd like five pancakes, a large glass of milk Three sausages, two hash browns and some cereal Fruit loops What are you doing today, have you got a pool A little bit Barbecue sauce of course No pool, did all day yesterday The beach yesterday, so chill day today Doing mum life stuff How about you The sausages I had are like 30cm long And they're from this butcher I go to He fully knows my name He's become one of my best friends Today I'm styling my house I need to re-style it I'm not feeling a good vibe anymore Oh yeah, very nice What style are you going for That's a very large sausage Great question Oh yeah, I feel like the long ones have so much more flavour Because I have to make them by hand The quality of flesh in them is second to none The cowboys in tender And the little pieces of garlic in them And the hint of chilli I'll cook them on a high heat and they just go off at parties I'm going for a cowboy slash space theme style So like wooden pieces of furniture With steel trimmings And like robot pieces and shit Must be lunchtime now What are you going to have for lunch I have no idea I'm just putting my phone in to be fixed Oh damn, so we won't be able to chat I was going to say I'm having some french toast I made a liter of coke Four roasted butternut pumpkin balls Some ham off the bone in a french baguette And a bowl of homemade fries I made mayonnaise as well And put that shit on everything It's so much better than homemade Than the stuff from the store Oh that's a lot of food I have it back now My lens on my camera smashed Being ugly does that Do not speak about yourself like that Everyone is beautiful in their own way And you are no different You need to love yourself Promise me you will work on that It means a lot to me if you could do that But yeah I might have a little snack There's some fruit roll-ups in my pantry Do you remember them? They're so fucking good Remember they used to say those fruit in the roll-ups All bullshit Oh she has a reply And that's ongoing Wow I think that last one would have fucking definitely scared her off If she comes back at that Then fuck Alright that'll do Sorry Let's leave it there And that everyone Is Matt Brown's Tinder adventures Hanging upside down Watch the broken clown His name is Matthew Brown And he's hanging upside down I would love to see Matt hanging upside down So would I dude With that bass I would love that And his arms are floppy and loose Would you hang upside down for half an hour For one and a half K Yeah done But you can't have a rest Dude let's do it Let's do it Matt's live video Give me a shake hands Half an hour Half an hour Agreed No he ruined it it's over now That's what you do to me Let's do it Give him a scenario if he accepts you That would be He'd never be able to do it there's no way $1,200 Hang upside down for 40 minutes So you've changed the rules Stay half an hour You didn't last much You want him to say no You want to hear it out of his mouth I was hanging upside down Hanging upside down Hanging Let's move right along Let's get some fucking questions done You fucking pigs You have all the questions And we have all the answers And we've got lots of dances For you If you want us to answer your question Please leave a comment on the Mighty Michael Full Actual YouTube channel We answer the most like questions first Once you've commented your question have a scroll through And like any of the questions that you would like us to answer And remember we are two weeks behind So if you go oh my question was the most like Fucking ask it Answer it this way it's because we are two weeks behind Fuck See you have to come back in two weeks to see if we answered it Hit it Brown Question from Top question Hanging upside down And that's question time It's the broken clown His name His name You do look a bit like a broken clown Actually it's like changed Shattered dreams So I didn't know fuck it actually I'll be a cowboy Like substance has gotten the weight And he was a party clown The children Because if that was his real hair That would be so fucked I would love if that was real hair Alright You get that super glued and have to wear that for three months But you get $10,000 I would do that Super glue and you can't ever take it off once Can he tie it up With a shower ruin it No that will super glue it on there If it comes off in the shower You'll have to glue it back on straight away That's what I mean like you can glue it back on Yeah surely because he can't help it coming off It won't come off because he super glued it on Super glue will go away after a bit Oh really? In water yeah Oh man Actually no that's a good point After what I went through with the TV Can I just say the earlier we played Worms he had eight worms I had four worms and I destroyed him Oh is that what happened Yeah I even said you can have $20 if you win And he refused to do the bet I'm not dumb Like some Anyway number nine That was a poem I can never say his name right Um would you guys bring back The stunt segment on the podcast That is crazy laugh that made Michael Almost die laughing So yeah would you bring back stunt time That was the highest liked People really like stunt time It's hard to think of stunts that you can sort of do In a podcast setting Just during the Q&A Early days we used to do a little game On the table or something It's hard to think of him though Think of a stunt that we could do Sitting here but we haven't already done Man it's hard to think of new shit And science experiments Means Michael had to do work I am a qualified scientist I run a university So what was the answer to that Yes or no Comment your stunt suggestions Then we'll have a look at them Nothing too fucked please Yeah Has to be able to be put on YouTube Or we get for climbing Upside down in a podcast environment Some of us were sitting I was Hanging upside down Next question is from Lake McBogan Um Um Would you rather lay in a bathtub of snakes Or would you rather let a massive huntsman Crawl across your body and face Easy I probably got a huntsman They bite them big fuckers aren't they Also depends on the kind of snake Yeah If you really chill little pythons Trained and stuff If you're in the bathtub and they just put the ones on you That they use on TV and shit I'd probably prefer that if they were tamed Chilled pythons But if they're like death adders or something Get fucked in that bathtub Tell you that much Next question is from CWB4280 Will the Paul Brown ever get a date I got one and she's my girlfriend Hell yeah he said the G word again Hell yeah Hanging Oh my god I can't wait to meet Me girlfriend When are you gonna introduce her to them You don't act like you haven't thought About that deeply Oh no not really I said come over to the Filming thing She was just tired I'm gonna shake his hand firmly Hey mate, Matt and Michael have worked on Oh no Hanging Yep Upset Broken clown Next one is from Cody Northcott Why didn't you guys set up a big brother style cameras for the Bucks parties That would have been epic Because We've spoken about it before It's not just a lot of our friends Aren't used to being on camera They're like normal people with normal jobs People aren't used to being on camera Very aware of cameras So it just kind of stunts The relaxation Not everyone can just be yourself if you can see That's the camera on you Even the people who do film for a living Like it would just be like ah It reduces the fun It kind of turns it from a fun thing Then you guys can't relax either Yeah, not as much Not much happens on Ketamine either It's just all of us Lying around saying random words Then we giggle at it Ah that's funny What was said man, what happened Yeah, that is literally what happened And then Brown just sits there going I fucking hate this Did you didn't do Ket No Alright, here's a scenario You do a big Bump a Ket so you K-hole But you get 5K 5K to K-hole 5K to K-hole 5K to K-hole 5K to K-hole 5K No Why? It's 5K Why didn't you respect me 10K, I'll give you 10K to K-hole No It lasts like 10 minutes Yeah, that's a grand A minute by my calculations It would be scary then knowing you're trying to K-hole Yeah, that would be But you know what's going to pass It's even worse that you're attempting to K-hole If it happens accidentally I feel like that's, you know, that's Survivable When you're really pushing to make it happen Dude, you'll be fine It's 10K Just try it bro You're holding the brown Yeah, K-holeing the brown for 10K A brown K-hole Consider it A brown hole You wouldn't pay him 10K actually I think he wouldn't do it for 10K I can't believe Unless he's trying to get his bar, his numbers up, he's doing a good job You doubled it like that Michael wins the lottery one day You know he could buy us a ticket all the time Because he will throw so many fucking scenarios You could make a bunch of money It'd be great content all the time Because it'd just get you guys to obscure It'd be like a fucked up Mr Beast Like a weird shit Just demeaning Matt I would watch the hell out of that Walk through the streets Dress as a woman and shit Next question is from Peter Hunt Marty, do you have any Long neck suggestions? If somebody wanted to Stretch their neck so they could have a long neck What would you suggest? Rings Put rings around your neck and slowly stretch it out I learnt that off African culture The women there They put rings around their neck and it slowly stretches them out And then they put another ring in there So I use rings Thank you Did you know if you take those rings off The head would just flop to the side Stretched out vertebra Have you seen those people who hang by their heads? Not like that But like you know like they literally Attach like this harnessy thing And they cross their legs like they're meditating And they're hanging by their neck I was watching a YouTube video the other day I was like what the fuck They must be like really good for your back Feel really nice for your back I really want to see Matt Brown hang upside down Yeah I think we should Ken Brown hang upside down $1500 half an hour That's a website video Dude $1500 You can take a day off work and make that much money Does he get it if he fails? No What if $150 We do the maths and we work out how many per minute He is earning No it's half an hour I feel like he'll be happy with $100 So he'll go to then and then get off So it's nothing Well we should have different increments He should get a couple of hundred If he gets to a certain point You get a grand if he gets to 20 No fuck we go 100 bucks For 10 minutes 200 bucks for 20 $1,500 for 30 For 10 minutes For 100 bucks It can't be that bad I feel like it'll get very uncomfortable After about 15 minutes The first reward The first reward can't be until deep Into the 30 minutes You could do it it's all in your brain That man in that cave remember that went down That cave and got caught down there He was upside down for like 36 hours Before he died He died yeah they couldn't get him out He's still in there Still in that cave Have you guys not seen that Mr Balladon He gave me like full blown anxiety Holy shit it's a terrifying thought Next question is from Donkenstone After hearing Matt's diary entries and black book How did you guys domesticate Matt Brown To be such a well behaved behemoth We hung him upside down Matt just kind of grew out of it And I think he just realised that The devastation his way of life was causing And because you know me, Michael, James All have similar values I think we kind of had that influence on him And he realised it was wrong to do what he was doing James stopped me from smoking anyway He's yeah Or you still do it under the cover of darkness And we don't know One time you had a cigarette with me When? I don't know Alright Two more questions The next one is from Gissards Gissards Depending where they're from Who would Brown rather be stuck on a desert island With Marty or Michael This I really read this earlier And I've been thinking about it a long time And I would have to be Michael It'd be way more Better off surviving with you I just think I could Control you Maybe I'd make you my slave worker Marty would be tough And Marty would play with me a lot in the diet I just couldn't deal with it I wouldn't use you sexually I'd probably I'd throw out a few scenarios at ya And if there was a worm set up We'd probably be playing worms Alright final question This probably leads into the next thing It's from A.J. Spence Can you guys make tales of Bethlehem A more recurring segment? Love hearing the stories Yes Yes we can And that is the end of the questions Which, funnily enough, leads into Tales of Bethlehem Hanging upside down Should we record that? That was very beautiful No it wasn't It needs to be a jingle though for tales of Bethlehem Yeah It needs to sound really like Christmasy I'm imagining like a lad in three Oh yeah no I can see that Oh I come from a land in a faraway place I'm picturing Jesus on the cross Yeah we could get Bible Ikegi Thank you Alright so tales of Bethlehem is an old story And today we're speak of What story, what was it? We've got a couple Mutilation one first Holy shit it's hard to discuss What's the mutilation one again? I don't know the full story of this So this is me hearing this first I know what it's pretty intense What are we up to? We're going to talk about the Ailey Beach No Ailey Beach, true Us three were at Michael wasn't there But he does know the story very well The third one sorry? I'm glad I wasn't there for the Ailey Beach I can do the Ailey Beach first We speak of when you wake up After a big night and you go What the f*** happened So me, James, Matt and Luke Went on a f*** road trip On like New Year's Day one year And we just had no For like three weeks Yeah there was no like plan We were just like let's just drive For an undisclosed amount of time We didn't know we were sleeping We just f***ing drove It was like one of the best holidays We went along the way But ended up staying in most hells most of the night And oh man anyway We get to f***ing Ailey And we're f***ing keen for a f***ing big night Some of James's f***ing teacher mates are there And we just f***ing keen to get f***ing on it So we f***ing started We literally beer-bonged An entire carton Before we went out Remember? We were pouring Shots of vodka and beer Through a funnel, through like a cup Through that, it was fast So literally before we went out It's the fastest I've ever had drinks in my entire life Let me explain this beer-bong So the boys, I don't know who came out of the look Came out with this beer-bong Contraption where he just It was a bottle I've never seen it before Basically he just cuts a bottle in half And that's it, you just pour it straight in You block the hole with your mouth And you pour the drink in And then you just open your mouth You cut the arse off it That's where you pour the drink in And then you just let it flow You can drink as you pour, but I like to pour it in Let the foam settle a bit and then just smash it Cause then there's that weight to it This f***ing weight to it as it rushes down your throat But anyway, we're absolutely f***ed By the time we were out of control Before we even went anywhere I barely remember even just before we went there To the bar Which was like, the bar was at the place We were staying It was apparent as soon as we got there That we were about 80 times drunker Than anyone in the entire place Maybe like 7 or 8pm or something And like, there was like this guy Singing and I have vague memories of just f***ing There's no one on the dance floor Just vague memories of like Like being the only one up dancing Just so disgusting and turning around There's just a sea of iPhones filming And then like starting back to the table Throwing drinks at the The guy before that though You know that song that's like That song And it's like a call and response Like the audience were like singing along Once we caught on to that song Every time it was the response section We would all just scream It was loud The singer actually loved it He was like having a good laugh And that's when Marty started dancing And yeah, I feel like I think you were dancing With a drink and you dropped your drink And then I think that just sort of Got out the little devil within us all And we just wanted to just like Throwing our glasses around the place But before that actually because that's when we got Wasn't it at the musician? Yeah, someone threw one at the musician I think For sure it was me but it didn't hit him And no one hit it well Oh my god But like everyone had their thing that night Marty was like dancing like an absolute psychopath And Luke just decided That the bathrooms were too far away So he just, whenever he needed to piss He would just stay at the table We were at and just slide his massive dick Out of the side of his shorts And just piss straight onto the floor That horrified your friends too Yeah, these are like uni mates They're good dudes but Man, they're a lot more chill than we are Was that the first time we'd met them before, right? Yeah, I don't think you'd met Swayzee before Yeah, a lot of them had met A lot of them we hadn't met and they're like You know, they're tame normal people They could be on fucked and obnoxious And like, you could tell that they wanted To kick me out But they didn't want that the security Didn't want to come and get me and escort me out Because the crowd really liked us So he kept calling me over He's like, just come here mate, just come here Calling me to the edge of like right next to the exit And I was like, no, no Just kept denying it for a while And then eventually he went over and as soon as I went over Of course he fucking kicks me out Me on my own out and the boys are all inside Fuck sake I don't even know who I went with You went off on my own? Yeah, I went with the uni boys You disappeared and found So there was a guy with us At our room beforehand Having a few pre-drinks of this And didn't know what he was getting into And he had told us this really sob story And so we left him And he found you outside And you got stuck with him And then you bailed from him James and Luke like all night And I couldn't find them, they weren't answering their phones And Matt was just fucking with the uni people And I was just like Because I just wanted to like party on Just couldn't find him and then it just Defeated I remember you walked in and I got stuck with that fucking dude And then he was ordered a drink and started drinking Me and him went to some fucking different bars And shit and then It was like 2am and I was like fuck it I can't find the boys, I'm going home Oh man, I have a memory The first one was every time Matt Would come back to the table I thought you were drinking I was drinking Bundy rums in cans And I just had this obsession with the night It's a great thing, try it on your friends But as soon as he put his can down and took his hand away from it I just clapped either side It was hard as I could Exploded I bought you more though, I remember It became a funny thing And then I do it to the one I just bought I remember The first one was funny But then it just got too much Yeah that's my second memory And this one is the cringiest for me Because I remember just sort of like coming to And I was just spewing through Like the You know on the side of a bridge And they have like the metal The steel railings I was like spewing through that I didn't remember where the bridge was And I realised the next day That that bridge, there's two headlands This was the only small Foot bridge that connected Those two headlands to people Walking past me And I'm just lying on myself Just spewing through And Luke, you and Luke lost each other too I came home with one thong And my shirt was gone What's the best part about your shirt? No wait, let's continue So So even James like so I went out with this Fucking random dude because I got kicked out And then James and Luke shortly after You guys got kicked out too right? And then you guys went off on your own But you guys both blacked out like the same time Like we quickly said we would have looked like zombies Like we just wouldn't have been making any sense They both passed out Away from each other That's why they weren't answering my calls I'll both just fucking passed out somewhere On a bridge and Luke God knows where And then they both ended up home And then I just remember in the morning waking up Like massive hangover I'll go see if the boys are home Yeah we went and checked on them Like fucking like 50 meters away I just hear the gagging already And I was like oh my god that must be fucked And I walked into the fucking room Where Luke and James are on James is just fucking vomiting Everywhere and Luke's standing up Like trying to haul that gagging as well James was so hungover And pillows had little bits of vomit on the side of them Fucking vomit everywhere James was so hungover He couldn't spew it all down the street In front of families when we were watching the next day And then James like we went to get James a juice And we seriously considered just getting a shot Of vodka and putting it in the juice Yeah a hair of the dog not a bad idea But you woke up And it was like what fuck what happened Yeah yeah full blackout So full blackout and James stayed in bed And then me and Luke went out to lunch To try and get rid of our hangover And we ran into James's uni mates And they're both just like They're all just like shaking their heads as they saw us And we're just like what what happened Like literally yeah like We literally don't remember a thing like what happened And then they told us what we did Which kind of jogged our memory and we was just like So shocking to hear And then you guys like throwing drinks At the musicians and pissing on the table And all this shit Oh man Shit that's so intense Oh man And then James was so sick for like three days Yeah it was rough But then yeah so they lost Thong and Pants Thong and Shirt and then on the way back So we went up further north Yeah and then on the way back we stopped In at Ellie again and then fucking went For a walk and found your Thong and Shirt Yup that is insane Sitting at the end of the headland they were just sitting on their own So I must have literally just got in Like sat in front of the water That's my life I've maybe been a bit worried And tried to get back to society I'm amazed I made it home Honestly amazed And amazed that I kept my phone somehow Oh dude That is so funny when that happens to James Because he's not used to that Yeah There are always such few times I try and keep up Other nights that I I cannot And when you get sick from drinks You get violently sick It's incredible For like literally a day and a half I'll be hung over Man It's not on Oh man The best nights are the ones you don't remember Fuck and I hope Fuck and I hope I think they're the best because you can't remember Cross check that information 100% 100% Probably That was a fucking wild night though I think Alright James This is the next ones all you How did we get on to this before We were talking about someone hurting them I said would you cut a Off the amount of Yeah Michael said would you cut your nipple off For a certain reason and that reminded me of a story That was one of my mates in Sydney Oh fuck it honestly makes me creep Alright sit up straight and listen He um Yeah so he had a nipple piercing And then He had like a bit of a night out and I can't remember How it happened but anyway At his house He has like one of those showers similar to my place Where it's like you stand in a bathtub You know in your shower in the bathtub Not good like I've nearly fallen over multiple times Yeah exactly curve Curve and slip Yeah if you're a little bit higher you're a little bit sloshed It's a bit crazy What it gets everywhere But he had for some reason maybe it's cause he's a gay dude But he had like a mesh A mesh um Shower curtain What's that mean It's like a material that's sort of like Yeah like a sort of there's little mini tiny Holes in it So he had that probably looked really cool And he I can't remember if he staggered Or if he was a bit I think he was a bit sloshed And he sort of like moved a bit Into his curtain and the curtain got caught On the nipple ring And he sort of like Realized it and realized he was over balancing But by that point it was too late And like slipped out of the bathtub And fell to the ground And sort of like landed on the ground And didn't really hurt himself too badly And sort of looked down And literally just like Sticky tape style Strip of his own flesh Ripped his nipple Clean off No Man yeah like quite He's still got some scarring Oh so the nipple doesn't grow back No it doesn't but I think it was able to be Reattached cause he's still got a nipple I've seen him Holy shit Can you imagine that Oh for fuck's sake You can dry yourself off And there'll be blood running down your fucking body If you've got flapping If you've got flapping against your tears You can pick your nip off out of the fucking shower curtain And call the fucking ammo How did he do it? Get it back? I can't remember it's been so long I favours weird memory of you Saying that he actually just placed The back on and it reattached itself Yeah I think he might have For memory I think he was embarrassed Like him next time I talk to him But yeah I do have a memory of him just like You know that really intensely sticky Stripped you can just put on You just sort of did it and eventually healed over Oh my god So it's like grass when you get grass And you put it down on the lawn and it just Gets in I think as long as it's still attached That can happen it can take as they call it Jet got his lip ripped off they tried to do that But it didn't work Oh man anyway that's fucked Damn everybody Don't get mesh shower curtains Or nipple piercings Or fall over Yeah no don't do that either Don't drink and share Go on bridges and vomit Alright let's have a quick bong break And we'll be right back with a prank Get into it inhale Deep pack that fucking shit in Fucking slowly draw it in Draw it in And we're back Alright Brown wants to do a quick Fucking PO box Hopefully it's not fucking stupid Sticker shit bitch No no stickers this week It's been a busy way I haven't had time to collect Any stickers so no stickers this week Alright we got a postcard in the PO box do you want to do the PO box If you would like to send us something We open everything live on the podcast Into PO box for two five six Four zero one eight Queensland Australia And like I said we open everything live So fresh shit and piss is welcome A huge Basket of teeth Remember we need your hair More cubes please We're getting pretty good though We've got a fair chunk of it Oh maybe can we not show it Look so that's what we got so far And there is some more floating around Some more floating around And we'll apply it with Clag glue Can we still get clag glue is that a thing I've got a two litre bottle of it under my house Because I used to be teach Excellent alright we've received a postcard Bless you Hanging up Oh I'm very allergic to anthrax I don't know what that is Hey boys don't have to read this on a Putty but if you don't If you don't want to but I got this and thought to send You something I've got with certain things in life With anxiety and depression But honestly the podcast makes me laugh And actually relax listening I just want to say thank you for that Keep it up really helps Rest in peace boys I love you boys Thank you very much What a legend What a legend What a legend What a legend What a legend What a legend What a legend So Your time is there for us to waste Picking up your phone was the first mistake time. Hello, my son has just come home and I've just noticed that he's carrying an entire bag full of lollies and chocolates and all sorts of things. And he I didn't give him any money to go out and buy these things. So he's come home with a whole bag and I'm just wondering and I'm thinking he goes to your drakes a lot. Have you guys recently had in a little 15 year old boy who's may have walked out with with some lollies? I don't know. I will have asked one of the other guys up here. Yeah, I'd like to pinpoint exactly where it's gotten them from because I'm going to be making him return them. Yeah. Alright, just give me two seconds. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate it. How are you still with me? Yeah, what's going on darling? So none of the people up here have seen anything suspicious, but we also have been really busy today. Yeah, okay. So he could have snuck in around the back where no one was watching and filled a bag up and left. And to be honest, I suspect that that's exactly what's happened. My 15 year old son has come in and stolen from you guys. And I just on behalf of our family, I just like to apologize, first of all. So I'm deeply sorry. And I will be making him return the item. So if he comes in, just at the back, will he be able to return the lollies to your store without any issue? Hello. Hello. Will he be able to return the lollies to your store? Yeah. If I come in with him, will you guys be pressing any kind of charges or anything? Or is there a kind of protocol for that? I will talk to one of the managers that are here at the moment. I'll see what would happen. Okay, look, I'm okay with if you guys have to report this to the police. But I would like there to not be a mark on his name, if that makes sense. Yeah, so maybe if you could... I want him to be punished and to make sure that he's learned that you do not steal from grocery stores, bronze. But I'd really like to make sure that it's not a kind of permanent blemish on his record. Yeah, if you want, I can write down your name and phone number. Yeah, that'd be great. So when you come in, I can give it to one of the other workers here. That would be great. In fact, I might come in with him just to make sure this all goes smoothly. But I'll jot down my name and I'll give you my number as well. Yeah. All right, I've got a piece of paper here. Okay, so Margaret, M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T-T. M-A-R. M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T-T. E-T-T. E-T-T. Yep. Thombus. T-H. Tundus. Thombus. T-H-O-M-B-U-S. Margaret Thombus. And my son's name is Bront. B-R-O-N-T. Thombus. Yep. And just by the looks of it, so he's probably got maybe 30 to 40 dollars worth of chocolate and lollies that his little hands have taken from your store. So it's about 30 to 40 dollars worth of product that he will be returning. Yeah, is that okay with you guys? So just to be clear, there will be no charges being pressed. I'll talk to my manager about it. Would it be possible to have you do that beforehand? Just, I don't want to take my son in and be confronted with police, okay? I'm all for punishing him, but I will not be having a prominent mark on his name from one stupid mistake. All right, just give me a few seconds. I'll talk to you on hold and I'll talk to my manager. No worries. Thank you so much, mate. I appreciate that. Family owned Australian business established in 1974. Hi, this is Louis from Drake's McDowell. Thank you for holding. That's okay. No worries at all. Yeah. Sorry, mate, I couldn't quite pick out what you were saying there. I said, yeah, that's okay. So did your employees speak to you about what's happened here? Yeah, so your sons come home with some song good therapy. Yeah, an entire bag full of lollies and chocolate. And I'm not standing for it today. So I'm forcing him to return everything. And yeah, I'm deeply apologetic. On behalf of my entire Fombas family, I'd just like to say we're really, I'm really am super apologetic. Yeah, no, thank you very much for calling us and letting us know. And they're like, I'll let you know, I'm having a hard time just hearing over the phone. It's just coming through to be my fault. Right. But mate, thank you very much for catching that one out and ringing it up. Yeah, no, I really want to learn his lesson and making sure that he never does this again. So if you guys want to take a picture of him and hang it up to really discourage his dirty little fingers from catching from you guys in the future, I would be OK with that as well. Yeah, thank you very much for letting us know. Mate, if you are able to come down and drop those off, we will keep a record of just his face, just to keep an eye out and just let people know what's happened. No, it's great to see that. If you're able to drop those back down with his tools, we won't take any court of legal action. Yeah, if it is able to just be a good learning lesson for him. Yeah, no, I don't think so. Yeah, that's fine. If everything is returned, that's no harm, no foul there and in the end of the day. OK, that's great. Look, I am definitely a learning lesson for him. OK, great. No, that's great to hear. I am actually his mother. I am a lady. But yeah, just to be clear, so there will be no police involved if I come with him because I want him to learn his lesson. And I know I'm all for embarrassing him publicly for what he's done. But I don't want there to be any kind of permanent record. So, you know, which might ruin his future. Do you know what I mean there? Yeah, no, at this point, if you're able to bring those down, if you want to bring them down as well, I'll have a quick word with him. And then, yeah, I'm confident you're able to have this with your teaching lesson for him or a learning moment for him. But yeah, if everything is able to come back to the shopmate, there's no need to get the cops involved this time. If it happens again, obviously going to have to get that sort of that ball rolling there. No, I completely understand. At this point, mate, if it's, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so I completely understand. And yes, if he does it again, he will not be leaving the house for months and months. You have my word. You have my word on my sword. So I will bring him in. And yeah, OK, so we should be in short. Absolutely, mate. So once you get here, just let the people know at the front, just to call Lewis down the front and I'll be up to have a quick word. OK, no worries. All right, we should be in within about 20 to 15 minutes. Depending on how quickly broad can get fucking changed. Don't get changed. So we should be in shortly. I'll see you soon. And again, so, so sorry for what's happened today. No worries, mate. I really do appreciate you calling up with that information. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Sorry, what was your name? So my name is Margaret. I'm actually his mother. That was Michael, sorry. Margaret. M-A-R. Margaret. Yes, I'm actually. Thomas. Marty, Margaret Thombus. Yes, that's correct. Thomas, no worries. I'll see you in shortly. That's no worries at all. Thank you so much for calling up and letting us know. No, no, I really appreciate you taking the time and hearing my complaint. We'll see you guys shortly. No worries, mate. Thank you very much. We'll see you soon. No worries. Thank you, bud darling. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. Dude, we listed the Marty and Michael slip. He said Michael and then you said Marty. I think that's why. It subconsciously fires me. It's crazy that he said Michael. It's unbelievable how they just grow to understand, OK, that's how this is. The first time I do it, the first time I do it, there's always like a really long pause. Yeah, because like he was like a teenager. You could hear in his voice and his brain was just going, I don't know how to deal with this. Is this real? I wish that you got really, really angry at Lewis, him at the end for misgendering you. Yeah, I'm yelling at him. Oh, but very, very good. He does a laugh and a half. That's very good. All right, guys, there's the end of episode number 34. We'll fucking see you guys next week. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, because a five-star review on Spotify. It's the only thing that keeps us alive. And if you want to see the uncut version of this, remember we post the original audio on Spotify for YouTube. We have to clean it up a bit. Yeah, clean it up a little bit. So if you want to see the dirty version head to Spotify and gives a fast- gaining...