 section 18 of Pamela or virtue rewarded this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Pamela or virtue rewarded by Samuel Richardson section 18 Monday morning 11 o'clock we are just come in here to the inn kept by Mrs. Jukes relation the first compliment I had was in a very imprudent manner how I like the squire I could not help saying bold forward woman is it for you who keep in to treat passengers at this rate she was but ingest she said and asked pardon and she came and begged excuse again very submissibly after Robin and Mr. Colburn had talked to her a little the latter here in great form gave me before Robin the letter which I had given him back for that purpose and I retired as if to read it and so I did for I think I can't read it too often though for my peace of mind's sake I might better try to forget it I am sorry me things I cannot bring you back a sound heart but indeed it is an honest one as to anybody but me for it has deceived nobody else we could think that it is more and more surprising things still just as I had sat down to try it to eat a bit of victuals to get ready to pursue my journey came in Mr. Colburn in a mighty hurry oh madame madame said he here be a groom from Squire B all over in a lather man and horse oh how my heart went to Pat what now thought I is to come next he went out and presently returned with the letter for me and another enclosed for Mr. Colburn this seemed odd and put me in all a trembling so I shut the door and never sure was like known found the following agreeable contents in vain my Pamela do I find it to struggle against my affection for you I must needs after you were gone venture to entertain myself with your journal when I found Mrs. Duke's bad usage of you after your dreadful temptations and hurts and particularly your generous concern for me on hearing how narrowly I escaped drowning though my death would have been your freedom and I had made it your interest to wish it and your most agreeable confession in another place that not withstanding all my hard usage of you you could not hate me and that expressed in so sweet so soft and so innocent a manner that I flutter myself you may be brought to love me together with the other parts of your admirable journal I began to repent my parting with you but God is my witness for no unlawful end as you would call it but the very contrary and the rather as all this was improved in your favor by your behavior at leaving my house for oh that melodious voice praying for me at your departure and thanking me for my rebuke to Mrs. Duke still hangs upon my ears and delights my memory and though I went to bed I could not rest but about to got up and made Thomas get one of the best horses ready in order to set out to overtake you while I sat down to write this to you now my dear Pamela let me beg of you on the receipt of this to order Robin to drive you back again to my house I would have set out myself for the pleasure of bearing you company back in the chariot but I'm really indisposed I believe with vexation that I should part thus with my soul's delight as I now find you are and must be in spite of the pride of my own heart you cannot imagine the obligation your return will lay me under to your goodness and yet if you will not so far favor me you shall be under no restraint as you will see by my letter enclosed at Colbrand which I have not sealed that you may read it but spare me my dearest girl the confusion of following you to your father's which I must do if you persist to go on for I find I cannot live a day without you if you are the generous Pamela I imagine you to be for hitherto you have been all goodness where it has not been merited let me see by this new instance the further excellence of your disposition let me see you can forgive the man who loves you more than himself let me see by it that you are not pre-possessed in any other person's favor and one instance more I would beg and then I am all gratitude and that is that you would dispatch more show Colbrand with the letter to your father assuring him that all will end happily and to desire that he will send to you at my house the letters you found means by Williams conveyance to send him and when I have all my proud and perhaps punctilious doubts answered I shall have nothing to do but to make you happy and be so myself for I must be yours and only yours Monday morning near three o'clock oh my exalting heart how it throbs in my bosom as if it would reproach me for so lately upgrading it for giving way to the love of so dear a gentleman but take care thou art not too credulous neither old fond believer things that we wish are apt to gain a two ready credence with us the sham marriage is not yet cleared up Mrs. Jukes the vile Mrs. Jukes may yet instigate the mind of this master his pride of heart and pride of condition may again take place and a man that could so little a space first love me then hate then banish me his house and send me away disgracefully and now send for me again in such affectionate terms may still waver may still deceive thee therefore I will not acquit the yet old credulous fluttering throbbing mischief that art so ready to believe without wishes and I charge thee to keep better guard than thou hast lately done and need me not to follow too implicitly thy flattering and desirable impulses thus foolishly dialogue die with my heart and yet all the time this heart is Pamela I open the letter to Mongeur Colbrand which was in these words Mongeur I am sure you'll excuse the trouble I give you I have for good reasons changed my mind and I have decided as a favor that Mrs. Andrews will return to me the moment Tom reaches you I hope for the reasons I have given her she will have the goodness to oblige me but if not you are to order Robin to pursue his directions and set her down at her father's door if she will oblige me in her return perhaps she'll give you a letter to her father for some papers to be delivered to you for her which will be so good in that case to bring to her here but if she will not give you such a letter you'll return with her to me if she pleased to favor me so far and that with all expedition that her health and safety will permit for I am pretty much indisposed but hope it will be but slight and soon go off I am yours et cetera on second thoughts let Tom go forward with Mrs. Andrews letter if she pleased to give one and you return with her for her safety now this is a deogenerous manner of treating me oh how I love to be generously used now my dear parents I wish I could consult you for your opinions how I should act should I go back or should I not I doubt he has got too great a hold in my heart for me to be easy presently if I should refuse and yet this gypsy information makes me fearful while I will I think trust in his generosity yet is it not too great a trust especially considering how I have been used but then that was while he avowed his bad designs and now he gives me great hope of his good ones and I may be the means of making many happy as well as myself by placing a generous confidence in him and then I think he might have sent to Colrend or to Robin to carry me back whether I would or not and how different is his behavior to that and it would not look as if I was prepossessed as he calls it if I don't obliged him and as if it was a silly female piece of pride to make him follow me to my father's and as if I would use him hardly in my turn for his having used me ill in his upon the whole I resolve to obey him and if he uses me ill afterwards double will be his ungenerous guilt though hard will be my lot to have my credulity so just a bit blamable as it will seem then for to be sure the world the wise world that is never wrong itself judges always by events and if he should use me ill then I shall be blamed for trusting him if well oh then I did right to be sure but how would my censures act in my case before the event justifies or condoms the action is the question then I have no notion of obliging by house but of doing things with the grace as one may say where they are to be done and so I wrote the desires that are to you assuring you that I had before me happier prospects than I ever had and helped all would end well and that I begged you would send me by the bearer Mr. Thomas my master's groom those papers which I had sent to you by Mr. Williams's conveyance for that they imported me much for clearing up a point in my conduct that my master was desires to know before he resolved to favor me as he intended but you will have that letter before you can have this for I would not send you this without the proceeding which is now in my master's hands and so having given the letter to Mr. Thomas for him to carry to you when he had baited and rested after his great fatigue I sent for mature coal brand and Robin and gave to the former his letter and when he had read it I said you see how things stand I am resolved to return to our master and as he is not so well as were to be wished the more haste you make the better and don't mind my fatigue but consider only yourselves and the horses Robin who guessed the matter by his conversation with Thomas as I suppose said God bless you madam and reward you as your obligingness to my good master deserves and may we all live to see you triumph over Mrs. Jukes I wondered to hear him say so for I was always careful of exposing my master or even that naughty woman before the common servants but yet I questioned whether Robin would have said this if he had not guessed by Thomas's message and my resolving to return then I might stand well with his master so selfish are the hearts of poor mortals that they are ready to change as favor goes so they were not long in getting ready and I am just sitting out back again and I hope I shall have no reason to repent it Robin put on very vehemently and when we came to the little town where we lay on Sunday night he gave his horses a bait and said he would push for his masters that night as it would be moonlight if I should not be too much fatigued because there was no place between that and the town adjacent to his masters fit to put up at for the night but Mosher Coles brand's horse beginning to give way made a doubt between them wherefore I said hating to be on the road if it could be done I should bear it well enough I hoped and that Mosher Coles brand might leave his horse when it failed at some house and come into the chariot this pleased them both and about 12 miles short he left the horse and took off his spurs and holsters etc and with abundance of ceremonial excuses came into the chariot and I sat the easier for it for my bones ached sadly with the jolting and so many miles traveling in so few hours as I have done from Sunday night five o'clock but for all this it was eleven o'clock at night when we came into the village adjacent to my masters and the horses began to be very much tired and Robin too but I said it would be pity to put up only three miles short of the house so about one we reached the gate but everybody was a bed but one of the helpers got the keys for Mrs. Jukes and open the gates and the horses could hardly crawl into the stable and I when I went to get out of the chariot fell down and thought I had lost the use of my limbs Mrs. Jukes came down with her clothes huddled on and lifted up her hands and eyes at my return but showed more care of the horses than of me by that time the two maids came and I made shift to creep in as well as I could it seems my poor master was very ill indeed and had been upon the bed most part of the day and Abraham who succeeded John sat up with him and he was gotten to a fine sleep and heard not the coach come in or the noise he made for his chamber lies towards the garden on the other side of the house Mrs. Jukes said he had a feverish complaint and had been blooded and very prudently ordered Abraham when he awaked not to tell him I was come for fear of surprising him and augmenting his fever nor indeed to say anything of me till she herself broke it to him in the morning as she should see how he was so I went to bed with Mrs. Jukes after she had caused me to drink almost have a pint of burnt wine made very rich in cordel with spices which I found very refreshing and set me into a sleep I little hoped for Tuesday morning getting up pretty early I have written thus far while Mrs. Jukes slides snoring in bed fetching up her last night's disturbance I long for her rising to know how my poor master does to swell for her she can sleep so purely no love but for herself will ever break her rest I am sure I am deadly sore all over as if I had been soundly beaten I did not think I could have lived under such fatigue Mrs. Jukes as soon as she got up want to know how my master did and he had had a good night and having drank plenty fully of Sackway had sweated much so that his fever had debated considerably she said to him that he must not be surprised and she would tell him news he asked what and she said I was come he raised himself up on his bed can it be said he what already she told him I came last night while Sir Colbrand coming to inquire of his health he ordered him to draw near him and was highly pleased with the account he gave him of the journey my readiness to come back and my willingness to reach home that night and he said why these tender fair ones I think bear fatigue better than us men but she is very good to give me such an instance of her readiness to oblige me pray Mrs. Jukes said he take great care of her health and let her be a bed all day she told him I had been up these two hours ask her said he if she will be so good as to make me a visit if she won't all rise and go to her indeed sir said she must be still and I'll go to her but don't urge her too much said he if she be unwilling she came to me and told me all the above and I said I would most willingly wait upon him for indeed I longed to see him and was much grieved he was so ill so went down with her will she come said he as I entered the room yes sir said we and she said at the first word most willingly sweet excellence said he as soon as he saw me he said oh my beloved Pamela you've made me quite well I'm concerned to return my acknowledgements to you in so unfit a place in manner but will you give me your hand I did and he kissed it with great eagerness sir said I you do me too much honor I am sorry you are so ill I can't be ill said he while you are with me I am very well already well said he and kissed my hand again you shall not repent this goodness my heart is too full of it to express myself as I ought but I am sorry you have had such a fatiguing time of it life is no life without you if you had refused me and yet I had hardly hopes you would oblige me I should have had a severe fit of it I believe for I was taken very oddly and you not want to make of myself but now I shall be well instantly you need not Mrs. Duke's attitude sent for the doctor from Stamford as we talked yesterday for this lovely creature is my doctor as her abstinence was my disease he begged me to sit down by his bedside and asked me if I had obliged him with sending for my former packet I said I had and hoped it would be brought he said it was doubly kind I would not stay long because of disturbing him and he got up in the afternoon and desired my company and seemed quite pleased easy and much better he said Mrs. Duke's after this instance of my good Pamela's obligingness in her return I am sure we ought to leave her entirely at her own liberty and pray if she pleases to take a turn in our chariot or in the garden or to the town or wherever she will let her be left at liberty and ask no questions and do you do all in your power to oblige her she said she would to be sure he took my hand and said one thing I will tell you Pamela because I know you will be glad to hear it and yet not care to ask me I had before you went to take in Williams' bond for the money for how the poor man had behaved I can't tell but he could get no bail and if I have no fresh reason given me perhaps I shall not exact the payment and he has been some time at liberty and now follows his school but me thinks I could wish she would not see him at present Sarah said I will not do anything to disoblige you willfully and I'm glad he is at liberty because I was the occasion of his misfortunes I just say no more though I wanted to plead for the poor gentleman which in gratitude I thought I ought when I could do him service I said I am sorry sir Lady Davies who loves you so well should have encouraged your displeasure and that there should be any variance between your honor and her I hope it was not on my account he took out of his waistcoat pocket as he sat in his gown his letter case and said here Pamela read that when you go upstairs and let me have your thoughts upon it and that will let you into the affair he said he was very heavy of a sudden and would lie down and indulge for that day and if he was better in the morning would take an airing in the chariot and so I took my leave for the present and went up to my closet and read the letter he was pleased to put into my hands which is as follows brother I am very uneasy at what I hear of you and must write whether it please you or not my full mind I have had some people with me desiring me to interpose with you and they have a greater regard for your honor than I am sorry to say it you have yourself could I think that a brother of mine would so meanly run away with my late dear mother's waiting made and keep her a prisoner from all her friends and to the disgrace of your own but I thought when you would not let the wench come to me on my mother's death that you meant no good I blushed for you all assure you the girl was an innocent good girl but I suppose that's over with her now or soon will what can you mean by this let me ask you either you will have her for a kept mistress or for a wife if the former there are enough to be had without ruining a poor wench that my mother loved and who really was a very good girl and of this you may be ashamed as to the other I dare say you don't think of it but if you should you would be utterly inexcusable consider brother that ours is no upstart family but is as ancient as the best in the kingdom and for several hundreds of years it has never been known that the heirs of it have disgraced themselves by unequal matches and you know you have been sought to by some of the best families in the nation for your alliance it might be well enough if you were descended of a family of yesterday or but a remove or two from the dirt you seem so fond of but let me tell you that I and all mine will renounce you forever if you can descend so meanly and I shall be ashamed to be called your sister a handsome man as you are in your person so happy in the gifts of your mind that everybody courts your company and possessed of such a noble and clear estate and very rich in money besides left you by the best of fathers and mothers with such ancient blood in your veins untainted for you to throw away yourself thus is intolerable and it would be very wicked in you to ruin the wench too so that I beg you will restore her to her parents and give her one hundred pounds or so to make her happy and some honest fellow of her own degree and that will be doing something and will also oblige and pacify your much grieved sister if I have written too sharply consider it is my love to you and the shame you are bringing upon yourself and I wish this may have the effect upon you intended by your very loving sister this is a sad letter my dear father and mother and one may see how poor people are despised by the proud and the rich and yet we were all on a foot originally and many of these gentry that brag of their ancient blood would be glad to have it as wholesome and has really untainted as ours surely these proud people never think what a short stage life is and that with all their vanity a time is coming when they shall be obliged to submit to be on a level with us and true said the philosopher when he looked upon the skull of a king and that of a poor man that he saw no difference between them besides do they not know that the riches of princes and the poorest of beggars are to have one great and tremendous judge at the last day who will not distinguish between them according to their circumstances in life but on the contrary may make their condemnations the greater as their neglected opportunities were the greater poor souls how I do pity their pride oh keep me heaven from their high condition if my mind shall ever be tainted with their vise or polluted with so cruel and inconsiderate a contempt of the humble estate which they behold with so much scorn but besides how do these gentry know that supposing they could trace back their ancestry for one two three or even 500 years that then the original stems of these poor families though they have not kept such elaborate records of their good for nothingness as it often proves were not still deeper rooted and how can they be assured that 100 years hence or to some of these now despised upstart families may not revel in their estates while their descendants may be reduced to the others dung hills and perhaps such as the vanity as well as the changeableness of human estates in their turn set up for pride of family and despise the others these reflections occurred to my thoughts made serious by my master's indisposition and this proud letter of the lowly lady davors against the high-minded Pamela lowly I say because she could stoop to such vain pride and high-minded I because I hope I am too proud to ever do the like but after all poor riches that we be we scarce know what we are much less what we shall be but once more pray I to be kept from the sinful pride of such a high estate on this occasion I recall the following lines which I have read where the poet argues in a much better manner wise providence does the various parts for various minds dispense the meanest slaves or those who hedge and ditch are useful by their sweat to feed the rich the rich and do return impart their store which comfortably feeds the laboring poor nor let the rich the lowest slave disdain he's equally a link of nature's chain labors to the same end joins in one view and both alike the divine will pursue and at the last are leveled king and slave without distinction in the silent grave Wednesday morning my master sent me a message just now that he was so much better that he would take a turn after breakfast in the chariot and would have me give him my company I hope I shall know how to be humble and comport myself as I should do under all these favors Mrs. Jukes is one of the most obliging creatures in the world and I have such respect shown me by everyone as if I was as great as Lady Davors but now if they should all end in the sham marriage it cannot be I hope yet the pride of greatness and ancestry and such like is so strongly set out in Lady Davors letter that I cannot flatter myself to be so happy as all these desirable appearances make for me should I be now deceived I should be worse off than ever but I shall see what like this new honor will procure me so I'll get ready but I won't I think change my garb should I do it it would look as if I would be nearer on a level with him and yet should I not it might be thought a disgrace to him but I will I think open the portmanteau and for the first time since I came here there put on my best silk nightgown but then that will be making myself a sort of right to the clothes I had renounced and I am not yet quite sure I shall have no other crosses to encounter so I will go as I am for though ordinary I am as clean as a penny though I say it so I'll even go as I am except he orders otherwise yet Mrs. Duke says I ought to dress as fine as I can but I say I think not as my master is up and at breakfast I will venture down to ask him how he will have me well he is kinder and kinder and thank God purely recovered how charmingly he looks to what he did yesterday blessed be God for it he arose and came to me and took me by the hand and would set me down by him and he said my charming girl seems going to speak what would you say Sarah said I a little ashamed I think it is too great an honor to go into the chariot with you know my dear Pamela said he the pleasure of your company will be the greater than the honor of mine and so say no more on that head but Sarah said I shall disgrace you to go thus you would grace a prince my fair one said the good kind kind gentleman in that dress or any you shall choose and you look so pretty that if you shall not catch cold in that round-eared cap you shall go just as you are but Sarah said I then you'll be pleased to go a byway that it may not be seen you do so much honor to your servant oh my good girl said he I doubt you are afraid of yourself being talked of more than me for I hope by degrees to take off the world's wonder and teach them to expect what is to follow as a do to my Pamela oh the dear good man there's for you my dear father and mother did I not do well now to come back oh could I get rid of my fears of the sham marriage for all this is not yet inconsistent with that frightful scheme I should be too happy so I came up with great pleasure for my gloves and now wait his kind commands dear dear Sarah said I to myself as if I was speaking to him for God's sake let me have no more trials and reverses for I could not bear it now I barely think at last the welcome message came that my master was ready and so I went down as fast as I could and he before all the servants handed me in as if I was a lady and then came in himself mrs. juke's begged he would take care he did not catch cold as he had been ill and I had the pride to hear his new coachman say to one of his fellow servants they are a charming pair I am sure to spitty they should be parted oh my dear father and mother I fear your girl would grow as proud as anything and especially you will think I have reason to guard against it when you read the kind particulars I am going to relate end of section 18 section 19 of Pamela or virtue rewarded this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Pamela or Virtue Rewarded by Samuel Richardson section 19 he ordered dinner to be ready by two and Abraham who succeeds John went behind the coach he bid Robin drive gently and told me he wanted to talk to me about his sister Debra's and other matters indeed at first setting out he kissed me a little too often that he did and I was afraid of Robbins looking back through the foreglass and people seeing us as they passed but he was exceedingly kind to me in his words as well at last he said you have I doubt not read over and over my sister's saucy letter and find as I told you that you are no more obliged to her than I am you see she intimates that some people had been with her and who should they be but the fishes Mrs. Jervis and Mr. Longman and Jonathan and so that has made me take the measures I did in dismissing them my service I see said he you are going to speak on their be halves but your time has not come to do that if ever I shall permit it my sister says he I have been beforehand with for I have renounced her I am sure I have been a kind brother to her and gave her to the value of three thousand pounds more than her share came to buy my father's will when I entered upon my estate and the woman surely was beside herself with passion and insolence when she wrote me such a letter for while she knew I would not bear it but you must know Pamela that she is much incensed that I will give no ear to a proposal of hers of a daughter of my Lord blank who said he neither in person nor mind or requirements even with all her opportunities is to be named in a day with my Pamela but yet you see the plea my girl which I made to you before of the pride of condition and the world's censure which I own sticks a little too close with me still for a woman shines not forth to the public as man and the world sees not your excellencies and perfections if it did I should entirely stand acquitted by the severest censures but it will be taken in the lump that here is Mr. B with such and such an estate has married his mother's waiting maid not considering there is not a lady in the kingdom that can outdo her or better support the condition to which she will be raised if I should marry her and said he putting his arm around me and again kissing me I pity my dear girl too for her part in the censure for here she will have to combat the pride and sights of the neighboring gentry all around us sister Davis you see will never be reconciled to you the other ladies will not visit you and you will with the merit superior to them all be treated as a fun worthy their notice should I now marry my Pamela how will my girl relish all this won't these be cutting things to my fair one for as to me I shall have nothing to do but with a good estate and possession to raise not the manner of my former pleasantry on this subject with my companions of the chase the green and the assembly stand the root just for once or twice and my fortune will create me always respect enough I warrant but I say what will my poor girl do as to her part with her own sex for some company you must keep my station will not admit it to be with my servants and the ladies will fly your acquaintance and still though my wife will treat you as my mother's waiting maid what says my girl to this you may well guess my dear father and mother how transporting these kind these generous and condescending sentiments were to me I thought I had the harmony of the spheres all around me and every word that dropped from his lips was as sweet as the honey of Hibla to me oh sir said I how inexpressibly kind and good is all this your poor servant has a much greater struggle to then this to go through a more naughty difficulty to overcome what is that said he a little impatiently I will not forgive your doubts now no sir said I I cannot doubt but it is how shall I support how shall I deserve your goodness to me dear girls said he and hugged me to his breast I was afraid you wouldn't have made me angry again but that I would not be because I see you have a grateful heart and this your kind and cheerful return after such cruel usage as you have experienced in my house enough to make you detest the place has made me resolve to bear anything in you but doubts of my honor at a time when I am pouring out my soul with a true and affectionate ardor before you but good sir said I my greatest concern will be for the root deaths you will have yourself to encounter with for thus stooping beneath yourself for as to me considering my lowly estate and little merit even the slides and reflections of the ladies will be an honor to me and I shall have the pride to place more than half their ill will to their envy at my happiness and if I can buy the most cheerful duty and resigned obedience have the pleasure to be agreeable to you I shall think myself but too happy that the world say what it will he said you are very good my dearest girl but how will you bestow your time when you will have no visits to receive or pay no parties of pleasure to join in no car tables to employ your winter evenings and even as the taste is half the day summer and winter and you have often played with my mother too and so know how to perform a part there as well as in the other diversions and I'll assure you my girl I shall not desire you to live without such amusements as my wife might expect where I to marry a lady of the first quality oh sir said I you are all goodness how shall I bear it but do you think sir in such a family as yours a person whom you shall honor with the name mistress of it will not find useful employments for her time without looking abroad for any others in the first place sir if you will give me leave I will myself into such parts of the family economy as may not be beneath the rank to which I shall have the honor of being insulted if any such there can be and this I hope without incurring the ill will of any honest servant then sir I will ease you as much of your family accounts as I possibly can when I have convinced you that I am to be trusted with them and you know sir my late good lady made me her treasurer her almaner and everything then sir if I must needs be visiting or visited and the ladies won't honor me so much or even if they would now and then I will visit if your goodness will allow me so to do the sick poor in the neighborhood around you and administer to their wants and necessities in such matters as may not be hurtful to your estate but comfortable to them and entail upon you their blessings and their prayers for your dear health and welfare then I will assist your housekeeper as I used to do in the making jellies, confets, sweet meats, marmalades, cordials and pot and candy and preserve for the uses of the family and to make myself all the fine linen of it for yourself and me then sir if you will sometimes indulge me with your company I will take an airing in your chariot now and then and when you shall return home from your diversions on the green or from the chase or wherever you shall please to go I shall have the pleasure of receiving you with duty and a cheerful delight and in your absence count the moments till you return and you will maybe fill up some part of my time the sweetest by far with your agreeable conversation for an hour or two now and then and be indulgent to the impertinent over flowings of my grateful heart for all your goodness to me the breakfasting time the preparations for dinner and sometimes to entertain your chosen friends and the company you shall bring home with you gentlemen if not ladies and the separings will fill up a great part of the day in a very necessary manner and maybe sir now and then a good human lady will drop in and I hope if they do I shall so behave myself as to not add to the disgrace you will have brought upon yourself for indeed I will be very circumspect and try to be as discreet as I can and as humble too as shall be consistent with your honor cards is true I can play at in all the usual games that are sex delight in but this I am not fond of nor shall ever desire to play unless to induce such ladies as you may wish to see not to abandon your house for a want of an amusement they are accustomed to music which our good lady taught me will fill up some intervals if I should have any and then sir you know I love reading and scribbling and though the latter will be employed in the family accounts between the servants and me and me and your good self yet reading at proper times will be a pleasure to me which I shall be unwilling to give up for the best company in the world except yours and no sir that will help to polish my mind and make me worthier of your company in conversation and with the explanations you will give me of what I shall not understand will be a sweet employment and improvement too but one thing sir I ought not to forget because it is the chief my duty to God will I hope always employ some good portion of my time with thanks for his superlative goodness to me and to pray for you and myself for you sir for a blessing on you for your great goodness to such an unworthy creature for myself that I may be enabled to discharge my duty to you and be found grateful for all the blessings I shall receive at the hands of Providence by means of your generosity and condescension with all this sir I said I can you think I shall be at a loss to pass my time but as I know that every slight to me if I come to be so happy will be in some measure a slight to you I will beg of you sir not to let me go very fine in dress but appear only so as that you may not be ashamed of it after the honor I shall have of being called by your worthy name for well I know sir that nothing so much excites the envy of my own sex is seeing a person above them in appearance and in dress and that would bring down upon me a hundred saucy things and low-born brats and I can't tell what there I stopped for I had prattled a great deal too much so early and he said clasping me to him why stops my dear Pamela why does she not proceed I could dwell upon your words all the day long and you shall be the directress of your own pleasures and your own time so sweetly do you choose to employ it and thus shall I find some of my own bad actions atone for by your exemplary goodness and God will bless me for your sake oh said he what pleasure you give me in this sweet foretaste of my happiness I will now defy the saucy busy censures of the world and bid them know your excellence in my happiness before they with unhollow lips presumed to judge of my actions and your merit and let me tell you my Pamela that I can add my hopes of a still more pleasing amusement and what your bashful modesty would not permit you to hint and which I will know otherwise touch on lest it should seem to your nicety to detract from the present purity of my good intentions than to say I hope to have super added to all these such an employment as will give me a view of perpetuating my happy prospects and my family at the same time of which I am almost the only male I blushed I believe yet could not be displeased at the decent and charming manner which he insinuated this distant hope and oh judge for me how my heart was affected with all these things he was pleased to add another charming reflection which showed me the noble sincerity of his kind professions I do own to you my Pamela said he that I love you with a pure flame than I ever knew in my whole life a flame to which I was a stranger and which commenced for you in the garden though you unkindly by your unsusunable doubts nipped the opening bud while it was too tender to bear the cold blasts of slight or negligence and I know more sincere joy and satisfaction in this sweet hour's conversation with you that all the guilty tumults of my former passion ever did or had even my attempt succeeded ever could have afforded me oh sir said I expect not words from your poor servant equal to these most generous professions both the means and the will I now see are given to you to lay me under an everlasting obligation how happy shall I be if though I cannot be worthy of all this goodness and condescension I can prove myself not entirely unworthy of it but I can only answer for a grateful heart and if ever I give you cause willfully and you will generously allow for involuntary imperfections to be disgusted with me may I be an outcast from your house in favor and as much repudiated as if the law had divorced me from you but sir continued I though I was so unseasonable as I was in the garden you would I flatter myself had you then heard me had parted my imprudence and owned I had some cause to fear and to wish to be with my poor father and mother and this I the rather say that you should not think me capable of returning insolence for your goodness or appearing foolishly ungrateful to you when you was so kind to me indeed Pamela said he you gave me great uneasiness for I love you too well not to be jealous of the least appearance of your indifference to me or preference to any other person not accepting your parents themselves this made me resolve not to hear you for I had not got over my reluctance to marriage and a little weight you know terms of scale when it hangs in an equal balance but yet you see that though I could part with you while my anger held yet the regard I had then newly professed for your virtue made me resolve not to offer to violate it and you have seen likewise that the painful struggle I underwent when I began to reflect and to read your moving journal between my desire to recall you and my doubt whether you would return though yet I resolve not to force you to it and like to have cost me a severe illness but your kind and cheerful return has dispelled all my fears and given me hope that I am not indifferent to you and you see how your presence has chased away my illness I bless God for it said I but since you are so good as to encourage me and will not despise my weakness I will acknowledge that I suffered more than I could have imagined till I experienced it in being banished your presence in so much anger and the more still I was affected when you answered the wicked Mrs. Duke so generously in my favor at my leaving your house for this sir awakened all my reverence for you and you saw I could not forbear not knowing what I did to break boldly in upon you and acknowledge your goodness on my knees just true my dear Pamela said he we have sufficiently tortured one another and the only comfort that can result from it will be reflecting upon the matter coolly and with pleasure when all these storms are overblown as I hope they now are and we sit together secured in each other's good opinion recounting the uncommon gradations by which we have ascended to the summon of that felicity which I hope we shall shortly arrive at meantime said the good gentleman let me hear what my dear girl would have said in her justification could I have trusted myself with her as to her fears and the reason of her wishing herself from me at a time that I had began to show my fondness for her in a manner that I thought would have been agreeable to her and her virtue I pulled out of my pocket the gypsy letter but I said before I showed it to him I have this letter sir to show you as what I believe you will allow must have given me the greatest disturbance but first as I know not who is the writer and it seems to be in a disguised hand I would beg it as a favor that if you guess who it is which I cannot it may not turn to their prejudice because it was written very probably with no other view than to serve me he took it and read it and it being signed somebody he said yes this is indeed from somebody and disguised as the hand is I know the writer don't you see by the setness of some of these letters and a little secretary cut here and there especially in that C and that R that it is the hand of a person bred in the law way why Pamela said he to sold Longman's hand and a fish as rascal as he is but I have done with him oh sir said I it would be too insolent in me to offer so much I myself overwhelmed with your goodness to defend anybody that you are angry with yet sir so far as they have incurred your displeasure for my sake and for no other want of duty or respect I could wish but I dare not say more but said he as to the letter and the information it contains let me know Pamela when you receive this on the Friday sir said I that you were gone to the wedding at Stamford how could it be conveyed to you said he unknown to Mrs. Duke's when I gave her such a strict charge to attend you and you had promised me that you would not throw yourself in the way of such intelligence for said he when I went to Stamford I knew from a private intimation given me that there would be an attempt made to see you or to give you a letter by somebody if not to get you away but it was not certain from what quarter whether from my sister Davis Mrs. Jervis Mr. Longman or John Arnold or your father and as I was then but struggling with myself whether to give way to my honorable inclinations or to free you and to let you go to your father that I might avoid the danger I found myself in of the former for I had absolutely resolved never to wound again even your ears with any proposals of a contrary nature that was the reason I desired you to permit Mrs. Duke's to be so much on her guard till I came back when I thought I should have decided this disputed point within myself between my pride and my inclinations this good sir said I accounts well to me for your conduct in that case and for what you said to me and Mrs. Jukes on that occasion and I see more and more how much I may depend upon your honor and goodness to me but I will tell you all the truth and then I recounted to him the whole affair of the gypsy and how the letter was put among the loose grass etc and he said the man who thinks a thousand dragons sufficient to watch a woman when her inclination takes a contrary bent will find all too little and she will engage the stones in the street or the grass in the field to act for her and help on her correspondence if the mind said he be not engaged I see there is hardly any confinement sufficient for the body and you have told me a very pretty story and as you never gave me any reason to question your veracity even in your severest trials I make no doubt of the truth of what you have now mentioned and I will in my turn give you such a proof of mind that you shall find it carrier of conviction with it you must know then my Pamela that I had actually formed such a project so well informed was this old rascally somebody and the time was fixed for the very person described in this letter to be here and I had thought he should have read some part of the ceremony as little as was possible to deceive you in my chamber and so I hope to have you mine upon terms that then would have been much more agreeable to me than real matrimony and I did not in haste intend you the mortification of being undeceived so that we might have lived for years perhaps very lovingly together and I had at the same time been at liberty to confirm or abrogate it as I pleased oh Sarah said I I am out of breath with the thoughts of my danger but what good angel prevented the execution of this deeply designed why your good angel Pamela said he for when I began to consider that it would have made you miserable and me not happy that if you should have a dear little one it would be out of my own power to legitimate it if I should wish it to inherit my estate and that as I am almost the last of my family and most of what I possess must descend to a strange line and disagreeable and unworthy persons not with standing that I might in this case have issue of my own body when I further considered your untainted virtue what dangers and trials you had undergone by my means and what a world of troubles I had involved you in only because you were beautiful and virtuous which had excited all my passion for you and reflected also upon your tried prudence and truth I though I doubted not affecting this my last plot resolved to overcome myself and however I might suffer in struggling with my affection for you to part with you rather than to betray you under so black a veil besides said he I remember how much I had exclaimed against incension and action of this kind that had been attributed to one of the first men of the law and of the kingdom as he afterwards became and that it was but treading in a path that another had marked out for me and as I was assured with no great satisfaction to himself when he came to reflect my foolish pride was a little peaked at this because I love to be if I went out of the way my own original as I may call it on all these considerations it was that I rejected this project and sent word to the person that I had better considered of the manner and would not have him come till he had heard further from me and in this suspense I suppose some of your confederates Pamela for we have been a couple of plotters though your virtue and merit have procured you faithful friends and partisans which my money and promises could hardly do one way or another got knowledge of it and gave you this notice but perhaps it would have come too late had not your white angel got the better of my black one and inspired me with resolutions to abandon the project just as it was to have been put into execution but yet I own that from these appearances you were about too well justified in your fears on this odd way of coming at this intelligence and I have only one thing to blame you for that though I was resolved not to hear you in your own defense yet as you have so ready a talent at your pen you might have cleared your part of this matter up to me by a line or two and when I had known what seeming good grounds you had for pouring cold water on a young flame that was just then rising to an honorable expansion should not have imputed it as I was have to do to unseasonable insult for my tenderness to you on one hand to perverse nicety on the other or to what I was most alarmed by and concerned for prepossession of for some other person and this would have saved us both much fatigue I of mind you of body and indeed sir said I of mind too and I could not better manifest this than by the cheerfulness with which I obeyed your recalling me to your presence I that my dear Pamela said he in class free in his arms was the kind the inexpressibly kind action that has riveted my affections to you and obliges me in this free and unreserved manner to pour my whole soul into your bosom I said I had the less married in this my return because I was driven by an irresistible impulse to it and could not help it if I would this said he and honored me by kissing my hand is engaging indeed if I may hope that my Pamela's gentle inclination for her persecutor was the strongest motive to her return and I so much value a voluntary love in the person I would wish for my wife that I would have even prudence and interest hardly named in comparison with it and can you return me sincerely the honest compliment that I now make you in the choice I have made it is impossible I should have any view to my interest love true love is the only motive by which I am induced and where I not what I am could you give me the preference to any other you know in the world not withstanding what has passed between us why said I should your most obliged Pamela refused to answer this kind question cruel as I have thought you and dangerous as your views to my honesty have been you sir are the only person living that ever was more than indifferent to me and before I knew this to be what I blush now to call it I could not hate you or wish you ill though from my soul the attempts you made were shocking and most distasteful to me I am satisfied my Pamela said he nor shall I want to see those papers that you have kindly written for to your father though I still wish to see them too with the sake of the sweet manner in which you relate what has passed and to have before me the whole series of your sufferings that I may learn what degree of kindness may be sufficient to recompense you for them in this manner my dear father and mother did your happy daughter find herself blessed by her generous master an ample recompense for all her sufferings did I think this sweet conversation only a hundred tender things he expressed besides that though they never can escape my memory yet would be too tedious to write down oh how I blessed God and I hope ever shall for all his gracious favors to his unworthy handmade what a happy change is this and who knows but my kind my generous master may put it in my power when he shall see me not quite unworthy of it to be a means without injuring him to dispense around me to many persons the happy influences of the condition to which I shall be by his kind favor exalted doubly blessed shall I be in particular if I can return the hundredth part of the obligations I owe to such honest good parents to whose pious instructions and examples under God I owe all my present happiness and future prospects oh the joy that fills my mind on these proud hopes on these delightful prospects it is too mighty for me and I must sit down to ponder all these things and to admire and bless the goodness that providence which has through so many intricate mazes made me tread the paths of innocence and so amply rewarded me for what it has itself enabled me to do all glory to God alone be ever given for it by your poor and raptured daughter I will now continue my most pleasing relation as the chariot was returning home from the sweet airing he said from all that has passed between us in this pleasing turn my Pamela will see and will believe that the trials of her virtue are all over from me but perhaps there will be some few yet to come of her patience and humility for I have at the earnest importunity of Lady Darnford and her daughters promised them a sight of my beloved girl and so I intend to have their whole family and Lady Jones and Mrs. Peters family to dine with me once in a few days and since I believe you would hardly choose at present to grace the table on the occasion till you can do it in your own right I should be glad you would not refuse coming down to us if I should desire it for I would preface our numptials said the dear gentleman oh what a sweet word was that with their good opinions of your merits and to see you and your sweet manner will be enough for that purpose and so by degrees prepare my neighbors for what is to follow and they already have your character from me and are disposed to admire you sir said I after all that has passed I should be unworthy if I could not say that I can have no will but yours and however awkwardly I shall behave in such company weighed down with a sense of your obligations on one side and my own unworthiness with their observations on the other I will not scruple to obey you I am obliged to you Pamela said he and pray be only dressed as you are for since they know your condition and I have told them the story of your present dress and how you came by it one of the young ladies begs it as a favor that they may see you just as you are and I am the rather pleased it should be so because they will perceive you owe nothing to dress but make a much better figure with your own native stock of loveliness than the greatest ladies arrayed in the most blended attire and adorned with the most glittering jewels oh sir said I your goodness beholds your poor servant in a light greatly beyond her merit but it must not be expected that others ladies especially will look upon me with your favorable eyes but nevertheless I should be best pleased to wear always this humble garb till you for your own sake shall order it otherwise for oh sir said I I hope it will always be my pride to glory most in your goodness and it will be a pleasure to me to show everyone that with respect to my happiness in this life I am entirely the work of your bounty and to let the world see from what a lowly original you have raised me to honors that the greatest ladies would rejoice in admirable Pamela said he excellent girl surely thy sentiments are superior to those of all thy sex I might have addressed a hundred fine ladies but never surely could have had reason to admire one as I do you as my dear father and mother I repeat these generous sayings only because they are the effect of my master's goodness being far from presuming to think I deserve one of them so I hope you will not attribute it to my manony for I do assure you I think I ought rather to be more humble as I am more obliged for it must always be a sign of a poor condition to receive obligations one cannot repay as it is of a rich mind when it can confer them without expecting or needing a return it is on one side the state of the human creature compared on the other to the creator and so with due deference may his beneficence be said to be godlike and that is the highest that can be said the chariot brought us home at near the hour of two and blessed be God my master's pure well and cheerful and that makes me hope he does not repent him of his late generous treatment of me he handed me out of the chariot and to the parlor with the same goodness that he showed when he put me into it before several of the servants Mrs. Jukes came to inquire how he did quite well Mrs. Jukes said he quite well I thank God and this good girl for it I am glad of it said she but I hope you are not the worst for my care and my doctoring of you no but the better Mrs. Jukes said he you have much obliged me by both then he said Mrs. Jukes you and I have used this good girl very hardly I was afraid sir said she I should be the subject of her complaints I assure you said he she has not opened her lips about you we have had quite a different subject to talk of and I hope she will forgive us both you especially she must because you have done nothing but by my orders but I only mean that the necessary consequence of these orders has been very grievous to my Pam long and now comes our parts to make her amends if we can sir said she I always said to madame as she called me that you was very good and very forgiving no said he I have been stark not and it is she I hope will be very forgiving but all this preamble is to tell you Mrs. Jukes that now I desire you'll study to oblige her as much as to obey me you was forced to disoblige her before and you'll remember that in everything she is to be her own mistress yes said she and mine too I suppose sir I said the generous gentleman I believe it will be so in a little time then said she I know how it will go with me and so put her handkerchief to her eyes Pamela said my master comfort poor Mrs. Jukes this was very generous already just seem to put her in my power and I took her by the hand and said I shall never take upon me Mrs. Jukes to make a bad use of any opportunities that may be put into my hands by my generous master nor shall I ever wish to do you any disservice if I might for I shall consider that what you have done was in obedience to a will which it will become me also to submit to and so if the effects of our obedience may be different yet as they proceed from one cause they must always be reverenced by me see there Mrs. Jukes and my master we are both in generous hands and indeed if Pamela did not pardon you I should think she but half forgave me because you acted by my instructions well said she God bless you both together since it must be so and I will double my diligence to oblige my lady as I find she will soon be oh my dear father and mother now pray for me on another score for fear I should grow too proud and be giddy and foolish with all these promising things so soothing to the vanity of my years in sex but even to this hour can I pray that God would remove from me all these delightful prospects if they were likely so to corrupt my mind as to make me proud in vain and not acknowledge with thankful humility the blessed providence which has so visibly conducted me through the dangers paths I have trod to this happy moment my master was pleased to say that he thought I might as well dine with him since he was alone but I begged he would excuse me for fear as I said such excess of goodness and condescension all at once should turn my head and that he would by slower degrees bring on my happiness list I should not know how to bear it persons that doubt themselves that he seldom do and miss and if there was any fear of what you say you could not have it in your thoughts for none but the presumptuous the conceited and the thoughtless air capital but nevertheless said he I have such an opinion of your prudence that I shall generally think what you do right because it is you that do it sir said I your kind expressions shall not be thrown away upon me if I can help it for they will task me with the care of endeavoring to deserve your good opinion and your approbation as the best rule of my conduct being then about to go upstairs permit me sir said I looking about me with some confusion to see that nobody was there thus on my needs to thank you as I often wanted to do in the chariot for all your goodness to me which shall never I hope be cast away upon me and so I had the boldness to kiss his hand I wonder since how I came to be so forward but what could I do my poor grateful heart was like a two full river which overflows its banks and it carried away my fear and my shame-facedness as that does all before it on the surface of its waters he clasped me in his arms with transport and condescendingly kneeled by me and kissing me said oh my dear obliging good girl on my knees as you on yours I vow to you everlasting truth and fidelity and may God but blesses both with half the pleasures that seem to be before us and we shall have no reason to envy the felicity of the greatest princes oh sir said I how shall I support so much goodness I am poor indeed in everything compared to you and how far very far to you in every generous way leave me behind you he raised me and as I bent towards the door lend me to the stairs foot and saluting me there again left me to go up to my closet where I threw myself on my knees and raptures of joy and bless that gracious God who had thus changed my distress to happiness and so abundantly rewarded me for all the sufferings I had passed through and oh how light how very light do all those sufferings that now appear which then my repining mind made so grievous to me hence in every state of life and in all the changes and chances of it for the future I will trust in Providence who knows what is best for us and frequently turns the very evils we most dread to be the causes of our happiness and of our deliverance from greater my experiences young as I am as to this great point of reliance on God are strong though my judgment in general may be weak and uninformed but you'll excuse these reflections because they're your beloved daughters and as so far as they are not amiss derive themselves from the benefit of yours and my late good ladies examples and instructions I have written a vast deal in a little time and shall only say to conclude this delightful Wednesday that in the afternoon my good master was so well that he rode out on horseback and came home about nine at night and then stepped up to me and seeing me with pen and ink before me in my closet said I come only to tell you that I am very well my Pamela and since I have a letter or two to write I will leave you to proceed in yours as I suppose that was your employment for I had put by my papers at his coming up and so he saluted me bid me good night and went down and I finished up to this place before I went to bed Mrs. Jukes told me if it was more agreeable to me she would be in another room but I said no thank you Mrs. Jukes pray let me have your company and she made me a fine curtsy and thanked me how times are altered end of section 19 section 20 of Pamela or virtue rewarded this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Pamela or Virtue Rewarded by Samuel Richardson section 20 Thursday this morning my master came up to me and talked with me on various subjects for a good while together in the most kind manner among other things he asked me if I chose to order any new clothes against my marriage oh how my heart flutters when he mentions this subject so freely I said I left everything to his good pleasure only repeated my request for the reasons of foregiven that I might not be too fine he said I think my dear it shall be very private I hope you are not afraid of a sham marriage and pray get the service by heart that you may see nothing is omitted I glowed between shame and delight oh how I felt my cheeks burn I said I feared nothing I apprehended nothing but my own unworthiness said he I think it shall be done within these fourteen days from this day at this house oh how I trembled but not with grief you may believe what says my girl have you to object against any day of the next 14 because my affairs require me to go to my other house and I think not to stir from this till I am happy with you I have no will but yours said I all glowing like the fire as I could feel but sir did you say in the house I said he for I care not how privately it be done and it must be very public if we go to church it is a holy rite sir said I and would be better me things in a holy place I see said he most kindly my lovely maid's confusion and your trembling tenderness shows I ought to oblige you all I may therefore I will order my own little chapel which has not been used for two generations for anything but a lumber room because our family seldom resided here long together to be cleared and cleansed and got ready for this ceremony if you dislike your own chamber or mine sir said I that will be better than the chamber and I hope it will never be lumbered again but kept to the use for which as I presume it has been consecrated oh yes said he it has been consecrated and that several ages ago in my great great grandfather's time who built that and the good old house together but now my good girl if I do not too much add to your sweet confusion shall it be in the first seven days or the second of this fortnight I looked down quite out of continence tell me said he in the second if you please sir said I as you please said he most kindly but I should thank you Pamela if you would choose the first I'd rather sir if you please said I have the second well said he's be it so but don't defer it till the last day of the fourteen price sir said I since you emboldened me to talk on this important subject may I not send my dear father and mother word of my happiness you may said he but charge them to keep it secret till you or I direct the contrary and I told you I would see no more of your papers but I meant I would not without your consent but if you will show them to me and now I have no other motive for my curiosity but the pleasure I take in reading what you write I shall acknowledge it as a favor if sir said I you will be pleased to let me write over again one sheet I will though I had relied upon your word and not written them for your perusal what is that said he though I cannot consent to it beforehand for I more desire to see them because they are your true sentiments at the time and because they were not written for my perusal sir said I what I am loath you should see are very severe reflections on the letter I received by the gypsy when I apprehended your design of the sham marriage though there are other things I would not have you see but that is the worst it can't be worse said he my dear sauce box than I have seen already and I will allow your treating me in ever so black a manner on that occasion because it must have a very black appearance to you well sir said I I think I will obey you before night but don't alter a word said he I won't sir replied I since you order it while we were talking Mrs. Jukes came up and said Thomas was returned oh said my master let him bring up the papers for he hoped and so did I that you had sent them by him but it was a great bulk when he came up and said sir Mr. Andrews did not care to deliver them and would have it that his daughter was forced to write that letter to him and indeed sir said he the old gentleman took on sadly and would have it that his daughter was undone or else he said she would not have turned back when on her way as I told him she did said Thomas instead of coming to them I began to be afraid now that all would be bad for me again well Tom said he don't mince the manner tell me before Mrs. Andrews what they said why sir both he and goodie Andrews after they had conferred together upon your letter madam came out weeping bitterly that group my very heart and they said now all was over with their poor daughter and either she had written that letter by compulsion or had yielded to your honor so they said and was or would be ruined my master seemed vexed as I feared and I said price sir be so good as to excuse the fears of my honest parents they cannot know your goodness to me and so said he without answering me they refused to deliver the papers yes and please your honor said Thomas though I told them that you madam of your own accord on the letter I had brought you very cheerfully wrote what I carried but the old gentleman said why wife there are in these papers twenty things nobody should see but ourselves and especially not the squire oh the poor girl has had so many strategic to struggle with and now at last she has met with one that has been too hard for her and can it be possible for us to account for her sitting out to come to us and in such post haste and when she had got above halfway to send us this letter and to go back again of our own accord as you say when we know that all her delight would have been to come to us and to escape from the peril she had been so long contending with and then and please your honor he said he could not bear this for his daughter was ruined to be sure before now and so said Thomas the good old couple sat themselves down and hand in hand leaning upon each other's shoulder did nothing but lament I was piteously grieved said he but all I could say could not comfort them nor would they give me the papers though I told them I should deliver them only to Mrs. Andrews herself and so and please your honor I was forced to come away without them my good master saw me all bathed in tears at this description of your distress and fears for me and he said I would not have you take on so I am not angry with your father in the main he is a good man and I would have you right out of hand and it shall be sent by the post to Mr. Atkins who lives within two miles of your father and I'll enclose in it a cover of mine in which I'll desire Mr. Atkins the moment it comes to his hand to convey it safely to your father or mother and say nothing of their sending their papers that it may not make them uneasy for I want not now to see them on any other score than that of mere curiosity and that will do at any time and so saying he saluted me before Thomas and with his own handkerchief wiped my eyes and said to Thomas the good old folks are not to be blamed in the main they don't know my honorable intentions by their dear daughter who Tom will in a little time be your mistress though I shall keep the matter private some days and will not have it spoken of by my servants out of my house Thomas said God bless your honor you know best and I said oh sir you are all goodness how kind is this to forgive the disappointment instead of being angry as I feared you would Thomas then withdrew and my master said I need not remind you of writing out of hand to make the good folks easy and I will leave you to yourself for that purpose only send me down such of your papers as you are willing I should see with which I shall entertain myself for an hour or two but one thing added he I forgot to tell you the neighboring gentry I mentioned will be here tomorrow to dine with me and I have ordered Mrs. Jukes to prepare for them and must I sir said I be shown to them oh yes said he that's the chief reason of their coming and you'll see nobody equal to yourself don't be concerned I opened my papers as soon as my master had left me and laid out those beginning on the Thursday morning he set out for Stanford with the morning visit he made me before I was up and the injunctions of watchfulness etc to Mrs. Jukes the next day's gypsy affair and my reflections in which I called him truly diabolical and was otherwise very severe on the strong appearances the matter had then against him his return on Saturday with the dread he put me in on the offering to search me for my papers which followed those he had got by Mrs. Jukes means mine being forced to give them up his cares to me after he had read them and questions to me his great kindness to me on seeing the dangers I had escaped and the troubles I had undergone and how I unseasonably in the midst of his goodness express my desire of being sent to you having the intelligence of a sham marriage from the gypsy in my thoughts how this enraged him and made him turn me away that very Sunday out of his house and send me on my way to you the particulars of my journey and my grief at parting with him and my free acknowledgement to you that I found unknown to myself I had begun to love him and could not help it his sending after me to beg my return but yet generously leaving me at my liberty when he might have forced me to return whether I was willing or not my resolution to oblige him and fatiguing journey back my concern for his illness on my return his kind reception of me and showing me his sister David's angry letter against his behavior to me desiring him to set me free and threatening to renounce him as a brother if he should degrade himself by marrying me my serious reflections on this letter etc all of which I hope with the others you will shortly see and this carried matters down to Tuesday night last all that followed was so kind on his side being our chariot conference as above on Wednesday morning and how good he has been ever since that I thought I would go no further for I was a little ashamed to be so very open on that tender and most grateful subject though his great goodness to me deserves all the acknowledgments I can possibly make and when I had looked these out I carried them down myself into the parlor to him and said putting them into his hands your allowance is good sir as here to far and if I have been too open and free in my reflections or declarations let my fears on one side and my sincerity on the other be my excuse you are very obliging my good girl said he you have nothing to apprehend for my thoughts any more than from my actions so I went up and wrote the letter to you briefly acquainting you with my present happiness and my master's goodness and expressing the gratitude of heart which I owe to the kindest gentleman in the world and assuring you that I should soon have the pleasure of sending back to you not only those papers but all that succeeded them to this time as I know you delight to amuse yourself in your leisure hours with my scribble and I said carrying it down to my master before I sealed it will you please sir to take the trouble of reading what I write to my dear parents thank you Pamela said he and sent me on his knee while he read it and seems much pleased with it and giving it me again you are very happy said he my beloved girl and your style and expressions and the affectionate things you say of me are inexpressibly obliging and again with this kiss said he do I confirm for truth all that you have promised for my intentions in this letter oh what helicandes are these God continue them a change would kill me quite he went out in his chariot in the afternoon and in the evening returned and sent me word he would be glad of my company for a little walk in the garden and down I went that very moment he came to meet me so said he how does my dear girl do now whom do you think I have seen since I have been out I don't know sir said I why said he there is a turning in the road about five miles off that goes round a meadow that has a pleasant footway by the side of a little brook and a double row of whims on each side where now and then the gentry in the neighborhood walk and angle and divert themselves I'll show it to you next opportunity and I stepped out of my chariot to walk across this meadow and bid Robin meet me with it on the further part of it and whom should I spy there walking with the book in his hand reading but you're humble servant Mr. Williams don't blush Pamela said he as his back was toward me I thought I would speak to the man and before he saw me I said how do you old acquaintance for said he you know we were of one college for a twelve month I thought the man would have jumped into the brook he gave such a start at hearing my voice and seeing me poor man said I I said he but not too much of your poor man in that soft accent neither Pamela said I I am sorry my voice is so startling to you Mr. Williams what are you reading sir said he and stammered with the surprise it is the French to tell Marcus for I am about perfecting myself if I can in the French tongue thought I I had rather so than perfecting my Pamela in it you do well replied I don't you think that yonder cloud may give us a small shower and it did a little begin to wet he said he believed not much if said I you are for the village I'll give you a cast for I shall call at Sir Simon's in my return from the little round I am taking he asked me if it was not too great a favor no said I don't talk of that let us walk to the further opening there and we shall meet my chariot so Pamela continued my master we fell into conversation as we walked he said he was very sorry he had incurred my displeasure and the more as he had been told by Lady Jones who had it from Sir Simon's family that I had a more honorable view than at first was apprehended I said we fellows of fortune Mr. Williams take sometimes a little more liberty with the world than we ought to do wantoning very probably as you contemplative folks would say in the sunbeams of a dangerous affluence and cannot think of confining ourselves to the cotton paths though the safest and most eligible after all and you may believe I could not very well like to be supplanted in a view that lay next my heart and that by an old acquaintance who's good before this affair I was studious to promote I would only say sir said he that my first motive was entirely such as became my function and very politely said my master he added and I am very sure that however inexcusable I might seem in the progress of the matter you yourself sir would have been sorry to have it said you had cast your thoughts on a person that nobody could have wished for but yourself well Mr. Williams said I I see you are a man of gallantry as well as religion but what I took most amiss was that if you thought me doing a wrong thing you did not expositulate with me upon it as your function might have allowed you to do but immediately determined to counter plot me and attempt to secure to yourself a prize you would have robbed me of and that from my own house but the matter is an end and I retain not any malice upon it though you did not know but I might at last do honorably by her as I actually intend I am sorry for myself sir said he that I should so unhappily and cure your displeasure but I rejoice for her sake in your honorable intentions give me leave only to say that if you make Miss Andrews your lady she will do credit to your choice with everybody that sees her or comes to know her and for person in mind both you may challenge the country in this manner said my master did the person and I confagulate and I set him down at his lodgings in the village but he kept your secret Pamela and would not own that you gave any encouragement to his addresses indeed sir said I he could not say that I did and I hope you believe me I do I do said he but to still my opinion that if when I saw plot set up against my plots I had not discovered the person as I did the correspondence between you might have gone to a link that would have put our present situation out of both our powers sir said I when you consider that my utmost presumption could not make me hope for the honor you now seem to design me that I was so hardly used and had no prospect before me but dishonor you will allow that I should have seen very little in earnest in my professions of honesty if I had not endeavored to get away but yet I resolve not to think of marriage for I never saw the man I could love till your goodness emboldened me to look up to you I should my dear Pamela said he make a very ill compliment to my vanity if I did not believe you though at the same time just as calls upon me to say that it is some things considered beyond my merit there was a sweet noble expression for your poor daughter my dear father and mother and from my master too I was glad to hear this account of the interview between Mr Williams and himself but I dare not to say so I hope in time he will be reinstated in his good graces he was so good as to tell me he had given orders for the chapel to be cleared oh how I look forward with inward joy yet with fear and trembling Friday about twelve o'clock came Sir Simon and his lady and two daughters and Lady Jones and a sister-in-law of hers and Mr Peters and his spouse and niece Mrs. Jukes who is more and more obliging was much concerned I was not dressed in some of my best clothes and made me many compliments they all went into the garden for a walk before dinner and I understood were so impatient to see me that my master took them into the largest alcove after they had walked two or three turns and stepped himself to me come my Pamela said he the ladies can't be satisfied without seeing you and I desire you'll come I said I was ashamed but I would obey him said he the two ladies are dressed out in their best attire but they make not such an appearance as my charming girl in this ordinary garb sirs that I shan't I follow you thither for I can't bear you should do me so much honor well said he'll go before you and he bid Mrs Jukes bring a bottle of sack and some cake so he went down to them this alcove fronts the longest gravel walk in the garden so that they saw me all the way I came for a good way and my master told me afterwards with pleasure all they said of me well you forgive the little veins let your daughter if I tell you all as he was pleased to tell me he said spying me first look there ladies comes my pretty rustic they all I saw which dashed me stood at the windows and in the doorway looking full at me my master told me that lady Joan said she's a charming creature I see that at this distance and sir Simon it seems who had been a sad rake in his younger days swore he never saw so easy an air so fine a shape and so graceful a presence the lady darned for it said I was a sweet girl and mrs peter said very handsome things even the parson said I should be the pride of the county oh dear sirs all this was owing to the light my good masters favor placed me in which made me shine out in their eyes beyond my desserts he said the young ladies blushed and envied me when I came near he saw me in a little confusion and was so kind as to meet me give me your hand said he my poor girl you walk too fast for indeed I wanted to be out of their gazing I did so with a curtsy and he led me up the steps of the alcove and in a most gentleman like manner presented me to the ladies and they all saluted me and said they hoped to be better acquainted with me and lady darnford was pleased to say I should be the flower of their neighborhood sir simon said good neighbor by your leave and saluting me added now I will say that I have kissed the loveliest maiden in england but for all this me thought I owed him a garage for a telltale though all had turned out so happily mr peter's very gravely followed his example and said like a bishop god bless you fair excellence said lady jones pray dear madam sit down by me and they all sat down but I said I would stand if they pleased no pabla said my master praise it down with these good ladies my neighbors they will indulge it to you for my sake till they know you better and for your own when they are acquainted with you sir said I shall be proud to deserve their indulgence they also gazed at me that I could not look up for I think it is one of the distinctions of persons of condition and well bred people to put bashful bodies out of countenance well sir simon said my master what say you now to my pretty rustic he swore a great oath that he should better know what to say to me if he was as young as himself lady darnford said you will never leave sir simon said my master you are a little confused my good girl and out of breath but I have told all my kind neighbors here a good deal of your story and your excellence yes said lady darnford my dear neighbor as I will call you we that are here present have all heard of your uncommon story madam I said you have heard then what must make your kind allowance for me very necessary now said mrs peter's we have heard what will always make you valued as an honor to our sex and as a worthy pattern for all the young ladies in the county you are very good madam said I to make me able to look up and to be thankful for the honor you are pleased to do me mrs jukes came in with the canary brought by nan to the alcove and some cakes and a silver salver and I said mrs jukes let me be your assistant I will serve the ladies with the cake and so I took the salver and went round to the good company with it ending with my master the lady jones said she was never served with such a grace and it was giving me too much trouble oh madame said I I hope my good master's favor will never make me forget that it is my duty to wait upon his friends master sweet one said sir simon I hope you won't always call mr b by that name for fear it should become a fashion for all our ladies to do the like through the county I sir said I shall have many reasons to continue this style which cannot affect your good ladies sir simons of lady jones you are very arch upon us but I see very well that it will be the interest of all the gentlemen to bring their ladies into an intimacy with one that can give them such a good example I am sure then madame said I it must be after I have been polished and improved by the honor of such an example as yours they were all very good and affable and the young lady darnford who had wished to see me in the stress said I beg your pardon dear miss as she called me but I had heard how sweetly this gar became you and was told the history of it and I begged it as a favor that you might oblige us with your appearance in it I am much obliged to your ladieship said I that your kind prescription was so agreeable to my choice why said she was it your choice then I am glad of that though I'm sure your person must give and not take ornament from any dress you are very kind madame said I but there will be less reason to fear I should forget the high obligations I should have to the kindest of gentlemen when I can delight to show the humble degree from which his goodness has raised me my dear Pamela said my master if you proceed at this rate I must insist upon your first seven days you know what I mean sir said I you are all goodness they drink a glass of sac each and sir Simon would make me do so too saying it will be a reflection madame upon all the ladies if you don't do as they know sir Simon said I that can't be because the ladies journey hither makes a glass of canary a proper cordial for them but I won't refuse because I will do myself the honor of drinking good health to you and to all this worthy company said good lady Danford to my master I hope sir we shall have Mrs. Andrews company at table he said very obligingly madame it is her time now and I will leave it to her choice if the good ladies then will forgive me sir said I I had rather be excused they all said I must not be excused I begged I might your reason for it my dear Pamela said my master since the ladies requested I wish you would oblige them sir replied I your goodness will make me every day worthier of the honor the ladies do me and when I can persuade myself that I am more worthy of it than at present I shall with great joy embrace all the opportunities they will be pleased to give me Mrs. Peters whispered Lady Jones as my master told me afterwards did you ever see such excellent such prudence and discretion never in my life said the other good lady she will adorn she was pleased to say her distinction I says Mrs. Peters she would adorn any station in life my good master was highly delighted generous gentleman as he is with the favorable opinion of the ladies and I took the more pleasure in it because their favor seemed to lessen the disgrace of his stooping so much beneath himself Lady Darnford said we will not oppress you though we can almost blame your two punctilious exactness but if we excuse Miss Andrews from dinner we must insist upon our company at the card table and add a dish of tea for we intend to pass the whole day with you sir as we told you what say you to that Pamela said my master sir replied I whatever you and the ladies please I will cheerfully do they said I was very obliging but sir Simon wrapped out an oath and said that they might dine together if they would but he would dine with me and nobody else for said he I say sir as Carson Williams said by which I found my master had told them the story you must not think you have chosen one that nobody can like but yourself the young ladies said if I please they would take a turn about the garden with me I answered I would very gladly attend them and so we three and Lady Jones' sister-in-law and Mr. Peter's niece walked together they were very affable kind and obliging and we soon entered into a good deal of familiarity and I found Miss Darnford a very agreeable person her sister was a little more on the reserve and I afterwards heard that about a year before she would feign have had my master make his addresses to her but though sir Simon is reckoned rich she was not thought sufficient fortune for him and now to have him looked down so low as to me must be a sort of mortification to a poor young lady and I pitied her indeed I did I wish all young persons of my sex could be as happy as I am like to be my master told me afterwards that I left the other ladies answer Simon and Mr. Peter's full of my praises so that they could hardly talk of anything else one launching out upon my complexion another upon my eyes my hand and in short for you'll think me sadly proud upon my whole person and behavior and they all magnified my readiness and obliging this in my answers and the like and I was glad of it as I said for my good master's sake who seemed quite pleased and rejoiced God bless him for his goodness to me dinner not being ready the young ladies proposed a tune on the spinette I said I believed it was not in tune they said they knew it was but a few months ago if it is said I wish I had known it though indeed ladies added I since you know my story I must own that my mind has not been long in tune to make use of it so they would make me play upon it and sing to it which I did a song my dear good lady made me learn and used to be pleased with and which she had brought with her from Bath and the ladies were much taken with the song and were so kind as to approve my performance and Mr. Anford was pleased to compliment me that I had all the accomplishments of my sex I said I had had a good lady in my master's mother who had spared no pains nor cost to improve me she said she wished Mr. B could be prevailed upon to give a ball on an approaching happy occasion that we might have a dancing match etc but I can't say I do though I did not say so for these occasions I think are too solemn for the principles at least of our sex to take part in especially if they have the same thoughts of that solemnity that I have for indeed though I have before me a prospect of happiness that may be envied by ladies of high rank yet I must own to you my dear parents that I have something very awful upon my mind when I think of the matter and shall more and more as it draws near and near this is the song one go happy paper gently steal and underneath her pillow lie there in soft dreams my love reveal that love which I must still conceal and wrapped in awful silence die two should flames be doomed with a hapless fate to Adams thou would squiggly turn my pains may bear a longer date for should I live and should she hate and end this torment I should burn three tell fair Aurelia she has charms might in a hermit stir desire to attain the heaven that's in her arms I'd quit the world's alluring harms and to a cell content retire four of all that pleased my ravished eye her beauty should supply the place both Raphael strokes and Titian's die should but in vain presume to vibe with her inimitable face five no more I'd wish her phobias is raised to guild the object of my sight much less the tapers faint her blaze her I should measure out my days and when she slept it should be night end of section 20 section 21 of Pamela of Virtue Rewarded this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Pamela of Virtue Rewarded by Samuel Richardson section 21 about four o'clock my master just came up to me and said if you should see Mr Williams below do you think Pamela you should not be surprised no sir said I I hope not why should I expect said he a stranger then when you come down to us in the parlour for the ladies are appearing themselves for the card table and they insist upon your company you have a mind sir said I I believe to try all my courage why said he does it want courage to see him no sir said I not at all but I was grievously dashed to see all those strange ladies and gentlemen and now to see Mr Williams before them that some of them refused his application for me when I wanted to get away it will a little shock me to see them smile in recollecting what has passed of that kind well said he guard your heart against surprises though you shall see when you come down a man that I can allow you to love dearly though hardly preferably to me this surprises me much I'm afraid he begins to be jealous of me what will become of me for he look very seriously if any turn should happen now my heart aches I know not what's the matter but I will go down as brisk as I came that nothing may be imputed to me yet I wish this Mr Williams had not been there now when they are all there because of their flares at me and him otherwise I should be glad to see the poor gentleman for indeed I think him a good man and he has suffered for my sake so I am sent for down to cards I'll go but wish I may continue their good opinions of me for I shall be very awkward my master by his serious question and bidding me guard my heart against surprises though I should see when I came down a man he can allow me to love dearly though hardly better than himself has quite alarmed me and made me sad I hope he loves me but whether he does or not I am in for it now over head and ears I doubt and can't help loving him does a folly to deny it but to be sure I can't love any man preferably to him I shall soon know what he means now my dear mother must I write to you well might my good master say so mysteriously as he did about guarding my heart against surprises I was never so surprised in my life and never could see a man I loved so dearly oh my dear mother it was my dear dear father and not Mr Williams that was below ready to receive and to bless your daughter and both my master and he enjoyed me to write how the whole matter was and what my thoughts were on this joyful occasion I will take the matter from the beginning that Providence directed his feet to the house to this time as I have had it from Mrs Dukes from my master my father the ladies and my own heart and conduct as far as I know of both because they command it and you will be pleased with my relation and so as you know how I came by the connection will make one uniform relation of it it seems then my dear father and you was so uneasy to know the truth of the story which Thomas had told you that fearing I was betrayed and quite undone he got leave of absence and set out that day after Thomas was there and so on Friday morning he got to the neighboring town and there he heard that the gentry in the neighborhood were at my master's at a great entertainment he put on a clean shirt and neck cloth which he bought in his pocket at a nail house there and got shaved and so after he had eaten some bread and cheese and drank a can of ale he set out for my master's house with a heavy heart dreading for me and in much fear of being browbeaten he had it seems asked at the ale house what family the squire had down here in hopes to hear something of me and they said a housekeeper two maids and at present two coachmen and two grooms a footman and a helper was that all he said they told him there was a young creature there be like who was or was to be his mistress or somewhat of that nature but had been his mother's waiting maid this he said grieved his heart and confirmed his fears so he went on and about three o'clock in the afternoon came to the gate and ringing there Sir Simon's coachman went to the iron gate and he asked for the housekeeper though from what he had written in his heart he could not abide her she sent for him in little thinking who he was and asked him in the little hall what his business with her was only madam he said whether i cannot speak one word with the squire no friend said she he is engaged with several gentlemen and ladies said he i have business with his honor of greater consequence to me than either life or death and tears stood in his eyes at that she went into the great parlor where my master was talking very pleasantly with the ladies and she said sir he is a good tight old man that wants to see you on business of life and death he says and is very earnest i said he who can that be let him stay in the little hall and i'll come to him presently they all seemed to stare and Sir Simon said no more or less my dear say my good friend but a bastard child if it is said lady jones bring it into us i will said he mrs jukes tells me my master was much surprised when he saw who it was and she much more when my dear father said good god give me patience but as great as you are sir i must ask for my child and burst out into tears oh what trouble have i given you both my master said taking him by the hand don't be uneasy goodman andrews your daughter was on the way to be happy this alarmed my dear father and he said what then is she dying and trembled he could scare stand my master made him sit down and sat down by him and said no god be praised she is very well and pray be comforted i cannot bear to see you thus apprehensive but she has written you a letter to assure you that she has reason to be well but satisfied and happy ah sir i said he you told me once she was in london waiting on a bishops lady when all the time she was a severe prisoner here well that's all over goodman andrews said my master but the times are altered for now the sweet girl has taken me prisoner and in a few days i shall put on the most agreeable fetters that ever man wore oh sir said he you are too pleasant for my griefs my heart's almost broke but may i not see my poor child you shall presently said he for she coming down to us and since you won't believe me i hope you will her i ask you good sir said he but one question until then that i may know how to look upon her when i see her is she honest is she virtuous as a newborn babe mr andrews said my good master and in twelve days time i hope will be my wife oh flatter me not good your honor said he he cannot be it cannot be i fear you have deluded her with strange hopes and would make me believe in possibilities mrs juke said he do you tell my dear pamela's good father when i go out all you know concerning me and your mistress it is to be meanwhile make much of him and set out what you have and make him drink a glass of what he likes best if this be why i'm added he fill me a bumper she did so and he took my father by the hand and said believe me good man and be easy for i can't bear to see you tortured in this cruel suspense your dear daughter is the beloved of my soul i'm so glad you are come for you'll see us all in the same story and here's your dame's health and god bless you both for being the happy means of procuring for me so great a blessing and so he drank a bumper to this most obliging health what do i hear had cannot surely be said my father and your honor is too good i hope to mock a poor old man this ugly story of the bishop runs in my head but you say i shall see my dear child and i shall see her honest if not poor as i am i would not earn her my master bid mrs juke's not let me know yet that my father was come i went to the company and said i have been agreeably surprised here is honest old goodman andrew's come full of grief to see his daughter for he fears she is seduced and tells me good honest man that poor his ears he will not own her if she be not virtuous oh said they all with one voice almost dear sir shall we not see the good man you have so praised for his plain good sense and honest heart if said he i thought pamela would not be too much affected with the surprise i would make you all witness to their first interview for never did daughter love a father or father a daughter as they two do one another this stanford and all the ladies and gentlemen too begged it might be so but was this not very cruel my dear mother for well might they think i should not support myself in such an agreeable surprise he said kindly i have but one fear that the dear girl may be too much affected well said ladies anford will all help to keep up her spirits says he i'll go up and prepare her but i won't tell her of it so he came up to me as i have said and amused me about mr williams to half prepare me for some surprise although they could not have said anything to this and he left me as i said in that suspense that his mystical words saying he would send to me when they were going to cards my master went from me to my father and asked if he had eaten anything no said mrs jukes the good man's heart is so full he cannot eat nor do anything till he has seen his dear daughter that shall be soon said my master i will have you come in with me for she's going to sit down with my guests to a game at quadril and i will send for her down oh sir said my father don't don't let me i'm not fit to appear before your guests let me see my daughter by myself i beseech you said he they all know your honest character good man andrews and long to see you for parents sake so he took my father by the hand and led him in against his will to the company they were all very good my master kindly said ladies and gentlemen i present to you one of the honestest men in england my good pamela's father mr peters went to him and took him by the hand and said we're all glad to see you sir you are the happiest man in the world in a daughter who we never saw before today but cannot enough admire said my master this gentleman good man andrews is the minister of the parish but it's not young enough for mr williams this airy expression my poor father said made him fear for a moment that it was all a gist so simon also took him by the hand and said i you have a sweet daughter honesty we are all in love with her and the ladies came and said very fine things lady danford particularly that he might think himself the happiest man in england in such a daughter if an appeasue madam said he she be but virtuous is all in all for all the rest is accident but i doubt his honor had been too much upon the gist with me no said mrs peters we are all witnesses that he intends very honorably by her it is some comfort said he and wiped his eyes there's such good ladies so so but i wish i could see her they would have had him sit down by them but he would only sit behind the door in a corner of the room so that one could not soon see him as one came in because the door opened against him and hit him almost the ladies all sat down and my master said desire mrs juke's to step up and tell miss andrews the ladies wait for her so down i came miss danford rose and met me at the door and said well miss andrews we longed for your company i did not see my dear father and it seems his heart was too full to speak and he got up and sat down three or four times successively unable to come to me or to say anything the ladies looked that way but i would not supposing it was mr williams and they made me sit down between lady danford and lady jones and asked me what we should play at i said what your ladyships please i wondered to see them smile and look upon me and to that corner of the room but i was afraid of looking that way for fear of seeing mr williams though my face was that way too on the table before me said my master did you send your letter away to the post house my good girl for your father to be sure sir said i i did not forget that i took the liberty to desire mr tovastikariot what said he i wonder will the good old couple say to it oh sir said are your goodness will be a cordial to their dear honest hearts had that my dear father not able to contain himself nor yet to stir from the place gushed out into a flood of tears which he good soul had been struggling with it seems and cried out oh my dear child i knew the voice and lifting up my eyes and seeing my father gave a spring overturned the table without regard to the company and threw myself at his feet oh my father my father said i can it be is it you yes it is yes it is a bless your happy daughter i would have said and down i sunk my master seemed concerned i feared said he that the surprise would be too much for her spirits and all the ladies ran to me and made me drink a glass of water and i found myself encircled in the arms of my dearest father oh tell me i said i everything how long have you been here when did you come how does my honoured mother and half a dozen questions more before he can answer one they permitted me to retire with my father and then i poured forth all my vows and thanksgivings to god for this additional blessing and confirmed all my master's goodness to his scarce believing amazement and we kneel together blessing god and one another for several ecstatic minutes and my master coming in soon after my dear father said oh sir what a change is this may god reward and bless you both in this world and the next may god bless us all said he but how does my sweet girl i have been in pain for you i'm sorry i did not apprise you before i oh sir said oh it was you and all you do must be good but this was a blessing so unexpected well said he you have given pain to all the company they will be glad to see you when you can for you have spoiled all their diversion and yet painfully delighted them at the same time mr andrew said he do you make this house your own and the longer you stay the more welcome you'll be after you have a little composed yourself my dear girl step into us again i'm glad to see you so well already and so he left us see you my dear father said i what goodness there is in this once naughty master oh pray for him and pray for me that i may deserve it how long has this crappy change been wrought my dear child oh said i several happy days i have written down everything and you'll see from the depth of misery what god has done for your happy daughter blessed be his name said he but do you say he will marry you can it be that such a brave gentleman will make a lady of the child of such a poor man as i oh the divine goodness how will your poor dear mother be able to support these happy tidings i will set out tomorrow to acquaint her with them for i am but half happy till the dear woman shares them with me to be sure my dear child we ought to go through some far country to hide ourselves that we may not disgrace you by our poverty oh my dear father said i now you're unkind for the first time your poverty has been my glory and my riches and i have nothing to brag of but that i ever thought it was an honor rather than a disgrace because you were always so honest that your child might well boast of such a parentage in this manner my dear mother did we pass the happy moments till miss darnford came to me and said how do you do dear madam i rejoice to see you so well pray let us have your company and yours too good mr andrew is taking his hand this was very obliging i told her and we went to the great parlor and my master took my father by the hand and made him sit down by him and drink a glass of wine with him meantime i made my excuses to the ladies as well as i could which they readily granted me but so simon after his comical manner put his hands on my shoulders let me see let me see city where your wings grow for i never saw anybody fly like you why said he you have broken lady jones shins with the table show her else madam his pleasantry made them laugh and i said i was very sorry for my extravagancy and if it had not been my master's doing i should have said it was a fault to permit me to be so surprised and put out of myself before such good company they said all was very excusable and they were glad i had suffered no more by it they were so kind as to excuse me at guards and played by themselves and i went by my master's commands and sat on the other side in the happiest place i was ever blessed with between two of the dearest men in the world to me and each holding one of my hands my father even every now and then with tears lifting up his eyes and say could i ever have hoped this i asked him if he had been so kind as to bring the papers with him he said he had and looked at me as who should say must i give them to you now i said be pleased to let me have them he pulled them from his pocket and i stood up and with my best duty gave them into my master's hands he said thank you pamela your father shall take all with him so see what a sad fellow i have been as well as the present happier alzoration but i must have them all again for the writer's sake the ladies and gentlemen would make me govern the tea table whatever i could do and abraham attended me to serve the company my master and my father sat together and drank a glass or two of wine instead of tea and so simon joked with my master saying i warrant you would not be such a woman's man as to drink tea for ever so much with the ladies but your time's coming and i doubt not you'll be made as comfortable as i my master was very urgent with them to stay supper and at last they complied on conditions i would grace the table as they were pleased to call it i begged to be excused my master said don't be excused pamela since the ladies desire it and besides said he we won't part with your father and so you may as well stay with us i was in hopes that my father and i might suck by herself or only with mrs druchs and miss danford who was a most obliging young lady said we will not part with you indeed we won't when supper was brought in lady danford took me by the hand and said to my master serve by your leave and would have placed me at the upper end of the table pray pray madame said i excuse me i cannot do it indeed i cannot pamela said my master to the great delight of my good father as i could see by his looks i obliged lady danford since she desires it it is but a little before your time you know there good sir said i pray don't command it let me sit by my father pray why said sir simon here's a do indeed sit down at the upper end as you should do and your father shall sit beside you there let's put my dear father upon difficulties and my master said come i'll place you all and so put lady danford at the upper end lady jones at her right hand and mrs peter's on the other and he placed me between the two young ladies that very gently put miss danford below her younger sister saying come miss i put you here because you shall hedge in this little cuckoo for i take notice with pleasure of your goodness to her and beside all you very young ladies should sit together this seemed to please both sisters for had the youngest miss been put there it might have piqued her as matters had been formally to be placed below me whereas miss danford giving place to her younger sister made it less odd she should to me especially with that handsome turn of the dear man as if i were a cuckoo and to be hedged in my master kindly said come mr andrews you and i will sit together and so took his place at the bottom of the table and set my father on his right hand and so simon would sit on his left for said he parson i think the petticoat should sit together and so do you sit down by that lady his sister a boiled turkey standing by me my master said cut up the turkey pamela if it be not too strong work for you that lady danford may not have too much trouble so i carved it in a trice and helped the lady miss danford said i would give something to be so dexterous a carver oh madam said i my late good lady would always make me do these things when she entertained her female friends as she used to on particular days ah said my master i remember my poor mother would often say if i or anybody at the table happened to be a little out in carving i'll send up for my pamela to show you how to carve said lady jones miss andrews has every accomplishment of her sex she's quite wonderful for a years as danford said and i can tell you madam that she plays sweetly upon the spinner and sings as sweetly to it for she has a fine voice foolish said sassai man who that hears her speak knows not that and who that sees her fingers believes not that they were made to touch any key oh parson said he it is well you're by or i should have had a blush from the ladies i hope not sassai man said lady jones for a gentleman of your politeness would not say anything that would make ladies blush no no said he for the world but if i had it would have been as the poet says they blush because they understood when the company went away lady danford lady jones and mrs peters severly invited my master and me with him to the houses and begged that he would permit me at least to come before we left those parts and they said we hope when the happy knot is tied we will induce mr b to reside more amongst us we're always glad said lady danford when he was here but now she'll have double reason oh what grateful things were these to the years of my good father when the company was gone my master asked my father if he smoked he answered no he made us both sit down by him and said i've been telling this sweet girl that in 14 days and two of them are gone she must fix on one to make me happy and have left it to her to choose either one of the first or the last seven my father held up his hands and eyes god bless your honor said he is all i can say now pamela said my master taking my hand don't let a little wrong time bashfulness take place without any other reason because i should be glad to go to a bit for cheer as soon as i could and i would not return till i carry my servants there a mistress who would assist me to repair the mischief she has made in it i could not look up for confusion and my father said my dear child i need not i'm sure prompt your obedience at whatever will most obliged so good a gentleman what says my pamela says my master she does not used to be at a loss for expressions sir said i was i too sudden it would look as if i doubted whether you would hold in your mind and was not willing to give you time for reflection but otherwise to be sure i ought to resign myself implicitly to your will said he i want not time for reflection for i have often told you and that long ago i could not live without you and my pride of condition made me both tempt and terrify you to other terms but your virtue was proof against all temptations and was not to be awed by terrors wherefore as i could not conquer my passion for you i corrected myself and resolved since you would not be mine upon my terms you should be upon your own and now i desire you not on any other i assure you and i think the sooner it is done the better what say you mr andrews sir said he there's so much goodness on your side blessed be god so much prudence on my daughters that i must be quite silent but when it is done i and my poor wife shall have nothing to do but to pray for you both and to look back with wonder and joy on the ways of providence this said my master is friday night and supposing my girl it be next monday tuesday wednesday or thursday morning say my pamela will you sir said i excuse me till tomorrow for an answer i will said he and touch the bell and call for mrs jukes where said he does mr andrews lie tonight he will take care of him he's a very good man and will bring a blessing upon every house he sits foot in my dear father wept for joy and i could not refrain keeping him company and my master saluting me bid us good night and retired and i waited upon my dear father and was so full of prattle of my master's goodness and my future prospects that i believed after i was turned all into tongue but he indulged me and was transported with joy and went to bed and dreamed of nothing but jake of slatter and angels ascending and descending to bless him and his daughter end of section 21