 And hi, everybody. I'm Mel Hauser. I use she, they pronouns and I am executive director at all brains belong. Welcome to brain club. Let me share screen. Get us oriented. So tonight we will be discussing the language of belonging. One of the things that we try to do here at brain club is to provide one another with language to better understand our own experiences. And the experiences of other people. And as as we'll hear from several of our community members in our pre recorded panel, what the impact of acquiring language to understand their world has been like for them. Brain club, of course, is our community conversation about everyday brain life. It's our very intentionally created education space. Sarah you letting people in so I can stop looking at the things popping up. Yes, I am letting people in. Thank you. Amazing. Culture of interdependence. I have the kind of brain that when the things pop up by. I can no longer read. So, anyway, our intentionally created education space to provide education about neurodiversity and related topics of inclusion. This is not medical advice or mental health advice. It's also not a support group all brains belong does offer those services but this is not. This is not those. This is also not the debate philosophy or view of the world, which is that that all brains belong our view of the world is that there is no one correct type of brain or body. Part of queuing safety, in addition to affirming all aspects of identity is that we are really intentional about language and very intentional about the language that that is used to queue safety so that all people feel feel safe. And so collective access needs taking priority over that of the individual in that regard, because we're really trying to create a space where people can collectively learn and unlearn. It's a plate. It's a place where we want all people to feel safe and where they can experience something different from the quote outside world. And so we very intentionally facilitate burning club in order to queue safety for all people. All forms of participation are okay here at brain club as many of you have figured out you can have your video on or off and even if it's on we don't expect anything of you to sit still or make eye contact or any of those things, please feel free to walk and move and fidget and stim and eat and take breaks and all the things, and everyone's welcome. And, you know, observation is a completely valid for participation, but we also do want to intentionally create space for everyone to share their ideas and whatever way that looks like and whatever format that looks like so you can unmute and use mouth words. As I mentioned before, there will be a period of today where there's a prerecorded set of interviews. So during that time we will will have that chat box running sometimes the chat box moves pretty quickly. But the main idea is the is the interview will be shown on the screen, and that afterwards will have plenty of time for discussion. The last bit of access closed captioning is enabled you just have to toggle it on if you'd like to use it so depending on your version of zoom, you might see the lab transcript closed captioning icon, but if not look for the more dot dot dot and she shows up titles and do the same and she shows up if you want to turn them off. And that's my visual support to actually open the chat so that I will see it. If anybody's using it. You're also welcome to send me direct messages private messages, if there's anything that you need. So, this month, we have been we're continuing our conversation of health and belonging, all brains belong supports the health and belonging of people with all types of brains. And so as we last week last week we had an amazing set of community panelists sharing their vision for inclusion. And today we'll continue that conversation with the way in which language having language to understand one's experience influences months experiences. And why why we are doing this is because what we know is that many people in our community do not feel that they belong. What we also know is that neurodivergent people are more likely to struggle to access healthcare, education, employment and to experience social isolation. You know that autistic and ADHD adults die prematurely and throughout our lives, often feel alone and broken. What we also know is that social isolation is bad for health. Social isolation causes equivalent harm to health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. And neurodivergent people experience higher rates of negative social experiences. And, as I said experience high rates of social isolation and loneliness. And so here at all brains belong, you know with the support of our, you know, our village members are supporters are you know this co created community health village where people who perhaps have felt neglected misunderstood by the system grow up as their true selves and experience genuine belonging. And in so doing, have the opportunity to shift one's own narrative about their own lives through connection with other people. And having experiences reflected back to you in learning about the experiences of other people at brain club is is one of the ways we try to create that experience. Because we think this is part of health. You know at all brains belong we integrate medical care into social connection and employment support and helping people arrive at a deep understanding of their access needs. And it's all part of health health care is so much more than medical care. And so we're very excited that today we officially kicked off our, did you know this could be health care campaign, which has two goals. One is to spread awareness of these resources inviting people to learn and connect and and to expand access to these programs. And we're really excited that just two weeks in we're almost halfway there. And thanks to the gift from an anonymous supporter. We have the opportunity to be able to offer all of our community programs like brain club at no cost of participants through next year we hit our goal. The health care campaign is also a celebration event, we have a virtual New Year's Eve event coming up. It's free or by donation, where we'll have lots of lots of different ways to celebrate and come together as community. And so with that, the language of belonging. David, take it away. I think that all brains belong has given to me, and I think so many other people is is a common language, based on common experience that we didn't know existed before. And when we can see ourselves reflected in the stories of other people. I'm more okay with ourselves. Smoothing out the rough edges of my experiences and of my perceptions. I'm less harsh on myself, I'm less sharp with myself. It's exposing me to people being so beautifully raw and authentic, because the space allows that. And I can't think of many spaces in life that allow for people to come together in this way and kind of like this radical act of trust, which then gives us the opportunity to learn from each other's experiences, and to really value and feel valued by each other and feel a lot less alone and a lot more hopeful. And so it ends up feeling like a community more than a medical practice. What do you mean healthier can be like this. You'd like to say it's all the things. And this is like, there are two words and people are like, Oh yeah, I get it. That's it. And I feel like that's just one example of some of the language that brain club has given me to talk about things like my family uses so many words and like my kids talk about flipping their fingers and they can do hand gestures when they can't articulate it with words and, and it's just like all these, like, there's a, there's a shared language that the language is just like the top surface level of what really is shared like it's rooted deeply in a shared understanding of the world, but just having those words. It's so powerful to have words to share that experience. We have to give people language to talk about these things, because they are universal. And yet we didn't grow up with any language to understand these things name these things experience these things work with these things. Yeah. Yeah. And I think language can be like underestimated, like people think like it's just words and, but I think when you don't have the words for something. When you get the words, like, it's, I think it, it just, it makes things feel okay when you have words to say what they are like it. I don't know it makes them feel shared and connected and not so alone and isolated when you don't have words to describe them. There's things that that make a stress that are going to differ person to person and like context specific like, if there's something in the physical environment like allowed sound. If I'm like well hydrated and well rested, I might not be as stressed as if I'm, you know, haven't done those things, or have like a huge cognitive load or whatever like with this business of the zoom and the link and the whatever and all that switching between things. If if a motorcycle drives by my house right now I'm going to flip my lid, whereas like I might have been okay a couple hours ago. So, when we get triggered, when and borrowing from a model from Dr Dan Segal Dr King of Brayson from the whole brain child options brain and downstairs brain when downstairs brain gets triggered. We don't get to pick what triggers us. Sometimes we forget that they're that we have interpersonal access needs it's not just about sensory processing or like how we learn it. It's about access needs in a relationship what does it mean for downstairs brain to feel safe. And so, when we think about, since we all have access needs. Those access needs conflict with other people. And I might play this clip. I might just come back to it. Well, maybe depends on if I can just unshare and reshare. Very God got to share the sound but it's not gonna work. You know about true love more than you. All you know is how to shut people out. You asked for my blessing but my answer is no. No. Excuse me. Your Majesty, if I may. You may not. And I think you should go. The party is over. Close the gates. Yes. Wait. Give me my glove. Please. Please. I can't live like this anymore. Then leave. Never do to you. Enough, Anna. No. Why? Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of? I said enough. So, um, here we have a relationship with two people with access needs. One is looking to assert them by taking space. One has foot on the gas with an access need to communicate right here now. Boom. That didn't work out so well. I'm curious. Anybody else ever experienced conflicting access needs and interpersonal interaction? Relationships are hard. Hi, Matthew. Are you raising your hand to say, yes, I have conflicting access needs and interpersonal interactions or did you want to say something? Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Double yes. Yes. Conflicting access needs but also trying to interpret those needs in a way where the other party makes sense and understand you too as well. It goes both ways. Huh. We might look pretty similar. And then once we were getting a comfy blanket from Costco and they have like two types of super soft blankets. And for some reason, one of them was really comfortable to me and the other one was really comfortable to him. And so we're having this fight over how do we cuddle on the couch with the blanket. It's kind of like our first access needs. And I'm getting frustrated with him for not accepting my blanket. And he eventually dawned on me that we were both just as like we were the same. But it, but it's very real. Like my soft blanket is prickly to him, his words, you know, and his soft blanket. I can say, yeah, it's soft, but it doesn't make me feel good. And the biggest, most important things for me has been coming to see both my child's brain and my brain through a strength based lens, like, you know, like really focusing on amazing strengths and benefits of having a neurodivergent brain and utilizing those and honoring those and, and celebrating those rather than then focusing on what's wrong. So do you talk about access needs sensory needs, etc. like you talk about that explicitly with your kids. I try to I'm still learning how to do that. Yeah, but yes, you know, I do I talk about, you know, well if they want the lights on, you know, maybe we'll turn them on but usually they're fine with it, you know, and sound like, you know, I'll just, I just try to find the right way to say, you know, if it's okay to be loud, because sometimes I'm loud too I can't really regulate my voice volume, but it needs to be like more farther apart from me. It actually hurts, you know, if you're screaming, and I'm not talking like screaming and fear or pain or something. I just like kids just like the screen. Right. Sure. Sure. Right. I mean, you're really you're teaching them about conflicting access needs. I think if all humans understood conflicting access needs, we would have a lot of chaos in the world. I think being in a neuro mixed family. There is this ableist assumption that like neuro divergent folks have access needs and neurotypical folks don't. And I think just coming to an understanding of you have needs I have needs. All of our needs are valid and recognizing my own has helped me. Not, I hope I think not make my other people in my life feel so othered by their needs by kind of owning mine and using that as a communication tool to talk about mine and talk about theirs. And I think it helps me not place blame on one person for their needs to kind of recognize what my own are. And I think that's been really helpful in reshaping the way that I think about my family and the way that I think about like the needs of each person in my family as being all important and all priorities and all equal in what they are. But I think when you only name the needs of one or two people in your family, it automatically creates tears. And I think having words for access needs and starting to know what those are a helps them be met and be helps make me better at meeting other people's needs. People who are supposed to feel familiar never did. And then that's what that contrast is what made me feel inadequate. And like there's something wrong with me that I'm uncomfortable around you even though like really it's because you're an unsafe bucket person, but I didn't have language to describe that. I was just like, what's wrong with me I can't get along with the people I feel so uncomfortable I don't know what to say. And so the fact that I'm sort of like understanding the importance of safety as a need for me now at this point in my life is really allowing me to take some risks and trust some people and try to figure out what is the more authentic for me, just by understanding what the scope of safety is. It's like, if I consciously think about it. It makes it easier, and then I don't get upset with myself for why did I do that, you know, right because I'm like, I'm such a loser who like can't do the birthday party thing. Like that's the old narrative that's like yeah exactly of an unrecognized narrative in person that's like what we tell ourselves all the time, I could actually go to, you know, like a cocktail party. And if no one knew anyone. I was fine. Everything else, not fine so not fine to clicky to clicky right. And it's interesting because I see that pattern playing out for Luna already as a kindergarten. And I see that the other kids are familiar and she doesn't like, she doesn't feel like she is on the invert right and so. Yeah. So, so she, yeah that that idea that whole scaffolding piece, the, the gap she can't navigate she can't navigate the gap. Right. Yeah. Yeah, but if there's like, if there's like an adult who is facilitating, you know, being like a central figure who's facilitating a game where everyone has a role. And the expectations are clear. And it's like, there's some structure to it like that's fine. She'll play those games. The research says that the opposite of belonging is fitting in because you are changing yourself to fit the norms of the already established group. And what I realize now is I spent my whole life trying to fit in to belong, but when I'm fitting in, I don't get to be myself. I get to be like the version of the outside world and how much anxiety that has cost me and how exhausted I am. We're all in this together as individuals that you know that sees things differently here things differently moves things differently. I get to be in a community where I get to explore and learn about my brain and other people and other people's brains extremely socially isolated. My world is a four block radius pretty much and I'd like to say that I think the most one thing that's been really important to me is I'm not tired after brain club. I'm actually revived, like it's refreshing, because it's easy to be there, so to find something that is engaging and fun and interesting, but doesn't exhaust me doesn't doesn't tire me period like not at all. It gives me spoons of anything, you know, and forks and some knives and a ladle. For, I would say, honestly, the other patients like it's really nice like there's never a sense of, oh, I feel weird contributing or I feel like the odd one there's always a sense of belonging, even if we don't know each other because we all know realistically we're here for like similar things adjacent things because really it kind of is all the things your body is not just one system, you know, independent from another it's one very interesting, very cool but very finicky machine. So I'm going to share some quotes from another community member ground rules. There's something very reassuring about that way of grounding us each time as we begin. And I think we heard that from several several folks in the video normalizing diversity no right way to participate. I'm liberated by being accepted as I am say because I'd rather respond to questions and writing or knowing that I can be fully present in the session of brain club without having to say anything. Reading the chat box is evidence of the heart full and mutually supportive sparklings of insight that are constantly happening, but without the spoken words that tend to dominate most group discussions elections on connecting with other brain club participants. I learned so much from hearing other brain club participant stories, sometimes because I recognize in them things I experienced myself. Sometimes because of just appreciating the variety of ways people can be in the world and still belong this one. I'm more open to the wholeness of myself and others inside and outside of brain club, specifically related to understanding one's access needs. Like a lot of people throughout my life I knew that many things weren't working for me. I never thought of this as relating to access needs though. I thought I just had character flaws. I now see a lot of this as simply reflecting the ways a brain like mine would raggedly interact with a neurotypical world. And to say what I have found very moving here is that there are little kernels of truth that have been sprinkled throughout the panel and throughout the chat. And they're just mind altering or life altering and they're like, I don't know it's like looking through a crystal or something. They just make you see the world differently. And thank you for that. You too, all of our panelists, many of whom are here today. So, as we listened to that as we watched that video, there were several comments in the chat that I think has been the thing. And I think I'm going to start with Xander. Barriers to people in wheelchairs, curbs and stairs for us autistic folks are curbs of a lack of vocabulary to describe our lives. I'd love to open this up to discussion about what it has been like to acquire words or ways of thinking about your own experiences that and what that's been like. I wanted to do something pretty brave last week and again this week I have been working on training people that I work with on kind of trying to understand some of these things more which meant having to be honest about things that were really hard for me to talk about and I realized how much shame I still have that I thought I had already dealt with. I think that that might be a lifelong process and it's really hard that you already have to live in a world that's not designed for you. You already have to because I don't know about everyone else but the way that I interact or enjoy company of others looks different like my engagement looks different. And then all of this like programming that's in my head that is really tough to get over to. Right, I mean it's like it's a I think your language of like programming it's a program and like so it's just you know this program is not meeting my needs I need a new program and that program has been running for a long time. Sorry I did actually say that out loud I was like oh I never hit the mute button oops the unmute button and I'm glad I actually said that. There was a big long pause because I had all these windows open I'm like shut shut turn my audio on. Well hi everyone. Boy I am I'm really good at self advocating I gotta tell you that but my removing the layers of internalized ableism and shame around how I have engaged with the world. It's shame that I have assumed and shame that I've taken on, and it's not helpful. But I think we all experience it. But recently just this last week. Yeah, what's time. Last week I think I had a doctor's appointment, and I haven't had a doctor's appointment in quite a while and this is my specialist this is my HIV specialist. And I could hardly speak and this is the first time I've engaged with her since getting professional acknowledgement that yes you are artistic unique confirming my my decades long suspicion. So anyways this was my first appointment. And I had a hard time. It was a horrible appointment. It was it was models on my part monosyllabic. I was rude to my doctor that I've known for almost 30 years. A doctor I know cares for me cares about my health. And I just I couldn't talk about anything that was going on in my life I couldn't talk about any of the misery I couldn't talk about any of the struggles any of my concerns. And I, I was just like, yes, no, I wasn't giving her any information I wasn't expanding on anything. I was really resistant to anything she was suggesting, a lot of no. And then and I hung up the phone and I, for many days after that I went into this shame spiral, I went into this spiral of, you know, I wanted to completely isolate myself and hide and I don't. Really figured out what it is, but I mean I'm starting to surface from it now and I'm drafting a letter to send her to tell her why I had such a hard time speaking to her and articulating my needs in that moment and it's linked to access needs it's linked to communication. So it's going to be a pivot point for me. And she's still my doctor and I know she's a good skill doctor and I know I'm a good skilled person. So there's a pivot happening right now but boy access needs it's like flypaper sometimes I get stuck in it. And I'm like wiggling and flailing about and I know what I need to say but I just can't get the words out. Yeah, that's a little that's a recent experience it's kind of putting it right now. Thank you for sharing that, you know, all day long, I hear stories like that. So you are not alone. So remember how complex spoken speech is it's a complex motor skill. So, literally, you cannot speak like literally brain is not firing like Steve says words trapped in the head. You're, it's, it's, it's the idea of like, I think of what I want to say. I then sequence the ideas brain sends message to mouth, like moves mouth and tongue and all the articulators in a particular way like that's just like, it's, it's so hard it's so complicated. We take it for granted. And so you're in a healthcare environment. You know, whether it be the lights or the ticking clock or the way someone asked a question that was like the judgment or like the energy or like the everything that goes on. Like, so when the limbic system is triggered you're just, your cortex is taken offline. And so I also just like want to recognize like, you know, I was so rude like, probably like, like, you couldn't have done any differently. You know, you're just trying to survive in that moment. And so I just, what I wish for you is first off, I want, I want you to know that you're not alone. And I wish for you, and I wish for everyone to when you have these moments like, you know, I forgot somebody said in the chat like, oh, well, you know, you have to already be on a journey to like figure out your axis needs in order to like, talk about your axis needs and which is like I absolutely agree with that. And it's also like, when something happens, if you can make or like try on the hypothesis that this thing happened, because I didn't have my access needs met that's your leading hypothesis, as opposed to I'm broken I messed up I'm defective I can't do the thing I don't know how to talk to people I'm a terrible person like all those old stories. The story of my axis needs are unmet. Amy. I kind of forgot what I was going to say but I'm starting to remember I, I think I wanted to say that, like, some days we can talk and sometimes some days we can't. And so, I think sometimes we have the energy because we slept well and sometimes we didn't sleep well for multiple days and I think that's part of it I also wanted to that I've noticed more recently, the more I have people who understand what I'm saying, without having to explain it. The more that I'm just like it's it's sort of beyond belonging I still think like there's a way of belonging that's like, it's still kind of things in my old life that really requires something of me but to have a space where it's nothing is required of me. That when you go back to a space where people I realize like how rapid I'm learning things because my whole framework has changed in the way that I'm thinking about moving in the world and then if I go back to spaces that I haven't been in a long time, even if I'm still there at some point, it can, it can almost feel more awkward because I'm having to go back and explain ways I used to have to explain where now I have a community that I don't have to explain myself, and that I have like people modeling you know, the way that you I felt like you've modeled for me, and the way that you've been able to like even to say how could you not feel certain ways in certain situations starts shifting that like internalize ableism, because I feel like we have a role in you Mel and other folks in the community role model of, of accepting oneself and showing up as oneself, and that there's more permission, because, because that's what you do. Thank you for naming that. Thank you for saying that. And, you know, of all the, all of the various aspects of privilege that I have. So, the idea that I spend almost all of my time now surrounded by people who get it. And for people who spend most of their day in invalidating environments where the narrative is given that you are broken and defective, and there's something just inherently wrong with you. That impacts so much and shuts down so much and interferes with so much. Everything. And so, we've talked about a brain club like whenever one has the autonomy, the agency to opt out of environments that are invalidating. That is health promoting. And there are times when we don't have that. Now it looks like Ray has a hand up. So, so I did the thing that I said I didn't do before which is I said Ray and I'm like, well, probably I did it again but then I remember like I was just told that I didn't do the thing so I did it this time anyway so Ray. So, I'm in the OT program, the occupational therapy program at the University of Vermont. And there's just a lot of conflicting things that have been happening in my program just like very not neuro affirming. And like one is like, we had a presentation and eye contact was part of like it was on the rubric and it just made me very upset. And in the OT program, you would think that it would be more neuro affirming. So I'm trying to like do my capstone related to this very topic. But yeah, that was definitely a need that was just kind of not met. Yeah. And that's just like what we, we talk about it brain club data of like learning and on learning. And there needs to be a lot of intentionality to on learning things that you know particularly as professionals that we've been taught that that have been normalized in culture. And, you know, so like just, you know, I, I remember in my medical training. Someone told me once that like, there was going to be this time where I could discern like, like, like, helpful information from unhelpful information and like when you're early in the process you're like I don't know I don't know anything and like and you're like, know that is just wrong. I'm not out of that thing and I'm going to like, anyway, so like I think you're at this place where you know better, like you already know better, and you can, you can opt out of, of things that are being presented and it's also like super super dysregulating. All of those things are true. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Nice to see you again. Love to invite anyone who hasn't had a chance to share share out if you if you'd like to about what it has been like to learn that other people go through the things that you go through. I think that Kelly shared that just normalizing that her students, you know, what does engagement look like for me it's like the brain rules of, you know, the only way to signal that you're paying attention is to like sit still with your hands folded and looking up and like anyway like nope what is engaged so yeah and you know I you know as a parent I get all kinds of feedback that I have to like take and be like, they don't know they don't know. Yeah, all of that because I think like Kelly what you're describing for, you know, a young child to actually be able to be like yeah I'm just going to reject that out of hand and you know, there's actually no one right way to signal that I am engaged with you. Sierra says I spent so much of my day suppressing my impulse to start conversations with open ended questions. Yes, because we were trained to ask open ended questions and like, especially when. As neurodivergent people we tend toward like we maybe are more likely to resort to like I mean I'll speak to my I'll just speak for myself. So basically like automatic speech, like the things that I don't need to motor plan out and think about so I say the thing and it's so much easier to say that thing again. It rolls off the tongue, it's not as active and involved as a different part of the brain that is plotting out novel speech. So to unlearn the language that you were taught to use as a professional and that you have said so many times that actually requires extra brainpower to pause impulse control courtically override a series describing. Yeah, because as Audrey saying open ended questions make my brain freeze so many brains freeze open ended questions do not work for all brains questions at all don't work for all brains. So, you know, declarative language turning questions into statements like that's not clinicians are not taught these things. And what happens, we have experiences where people are in healthcare settings there, you know, something is said or something is done in the environment that is also overstimulating. Oh and by the way, all of the spoons that have been spent to even leave the house to get to that appointment, and like all of it. And then somebody asked a question and you're like, of course the words don't come out. It's interesting. So Sierra sharing that you notice that as an indicator for burnout that you are more relying on automatic speech because you're in like energy conservation mode. Yeah, that resonates with me a lot. When he says I appreciate hearing the access needs of others because it supports me and feeling less alone so many times I declare you to, and I thought I was alone in this right I mean like imagine if we all knew each other like decades ago, like what. But that's, that's, that's, you know, all of the unlearning of internalized ableism I think like doing it in community doing it. Walking this journey with other people who are also shifting their own narrative, I think makes a huge difference. Natalie says, honestly knowing there are others who experienced the world similarly to me has been life giving. I know labels have very real limitations but they can also be amazing tools for self compassion and empowerment. So yes shared language has been essential. I just want to take that in chills. Thank you. Oh, Audrey I'm so glad you're here. The word that keeps coming up as I listening to this is story and the importance of story as the particular kind of language that is expressed through story. I had a job at one point where I spent far too much time in sort of big United Nations interagency meetings and conferences and so forth where people would talk at each other and you mostly in kind of dead language. And I invented my own rule of conferences, which is French's first rule of conferences, which is the larger the group the fewer the stories are that will be told. And the other way around. And one of the precious things about rain club is that it's small enough that I think people feel comfortable telling stories, which would be if they if there were 100 of us, there would probably be a lot few stories and stories are where the heart is and where the action is and where the understanding is and there's something to think in just hearing people. I mean everyone's talking about hearing other people's familiar experience and that's what comes through the storytelling. It's just somehow seems very powerful tonight. I absolutely agree. And, you know, certainly we, and particularly after their like event that we hold like in a burn club slot like when we did the, the all the things webinar in September or we did our annual, you know the stigma the autism narrative in April there's always this like infusion, and then you're like a brain club stupid. And then like it whittles back down and so so so but you're absolutely right there is this this. I mean for many brains, the kind of the smaller group, the group of, you know, you kind of recognize some familiar faces and names and like it just it's about doing safety in being able to have access to share stories to engage with the stories of others. So conversation going on in the chat around processing speed. So very common for processing speed differences in both directions to be a common reason that you know people's access needs are not met. So whether that be processing speeds such that like, you know, people like information's coming at you way too quickly, you're taking it you're processing it and then like the conversations moved on, or there's like so much competing stimuli from the rest of the environment and then then you don't have access, or, or, or even if, you know, like, information's not coming in quickly enough, because of in a tension, then removes on to something else and then is not able to process that incoming information so that's like on the on the on the list of things to like just prompts or consideration around like really what is my, what is what kind of processing do works best for me. And so I think that you know, yes, that Instagram post was like not for intro, it wasn't like intro to access needs but the one of the prompts around like recognizing when something's not going well, again, not intro but like middle of the road, reflecting on access needs of like, yeah, like I'm, I don't know I just like tried to listen to this podcast and I don't know what they said in the end. There's something about that. Is it about auditory processing auditory processing with processing speed. Is it that I don't have all my other sensory needs met is it that like just it's but it all starts from something's not going well. And then wondering later when you have access to your cortex wondering wondering why. Xander. Hi. Yeah, I, I was extremely grateful to learn the word access needs and it's, it's, we really have started using a lot in our family. Starting from the day we heard it because my, my kiddo is 31, and I'm, I'm 57. And we're both, we're both autistic. And they, they go at tick tock speed I mean they're boom boom boom lot of, lot of stuff, you know, and I am a turtle and this tapestry behind me as a turtle turtles been my metaphor because that's how I process I have one thing at a time. I need to go slow and being able to say to my kid okay. I want to hear what you have to say but my access needs are getting in the way has really, really helped and I just want to say thank you for that. It's been a wonderful tool. That is amazing. That's amazing right so you have this know this this this language to describe what's going on it's not about the other person. It's about me and my access needs and to to, you know, when I'm using that term access needs. Thanks Sarah. Look at Sarah and Lizzie at the same time answering the question of anything that anyone needs for full and meaningful participation. And, and yeah this is just this is what I need in order to be able to show up and participate fully. So when I, when I show up to the to, I walk really to the anytime I go into the kitchen where there's other people talking, like my child, I have headphones and a lot of the time but we've like ahead of time discussed about like this is nothing to do with, you know, anything. It's not like somebody in the chat we're talking about like I always get feedback and I'm too loud. Yeah I don't want that narrative to be given I want the narrative to be like this is about me and my access needs, and my access needs are for quiet, and this is how I'm going to. I think it's an example of, are there ways, are there other places where I have agency to meet my own access needs without requiring someone else to change anything about themselves sometimes that's, you know, that's that's not possible. It's about then zooming out to say how we're going to negotiate conflicting access needs because conflicting access needs are inevitable, and like part of being in relationship part of being in community with other people is that we have to have a way to negotiate conflicting access needs. And the Steve shares in the chat access needs takes the onus off the individual right this is just it's um it just is it just is. It's a setting of access needs. Um, one of the settings in in which many people do not have their access needs met is the workplace. So, the third week of every month of course at brain club we are usually talking about some aspect of neuro divergence and employment. So, next week we'll actually be hearing from from a panel, I'm almost undoing interviews that I'll make my make my compilation story of the employers who have done the hard work of the on learning and the re learning of what it is to create workplace environments for people with all types of brains. These are the, these are employers being recognized in our neuro inclusive employment right spotting program that we run here at all brains belong. And what I really like about about these interviews is that many of the employers, like are sharing really cool, specific practical advice. It's, it's moving beyond the like aspirational, you know, visions of what this would look like but really like concrete things that they do differently, including from from folks who themselves are neurodivergent. And I think, I think it's going to be a good one. So, so thank you thank you all for being here thank you to to to all of you, and, and to all of your cats and I'm going to put a link in the chat, um, especially for those who are new to all brains belong and trying to figure it all out with this new site, this, that has like a link to, you know, our programs as a link to an informational flyer with all the different things we do and social media and like just different ways of being connected so if, if, if you're new welcome we're glad you're here and lots of different ways to get connected. So thank you all thank you so much and we hope to see you next week.