 Let's begin reading now read verses one through four in Proverbs 18 and we'll get into our study Solomon writes a Man who isolates himself seeks his own desire He rages against all wise judgment a fool has no delight in understanding But in expressing his own heart when the wicked comes contempt comes also and With dishonor comes reproach The words of a man's mouth are deep waters the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook So as we begin Obviously, we'll be looking at these one at a time And continue in our series here in the book of Proverbs a book that promises to give to us insight into wisdom and so as we've gone through the Previous chapters that's what Solomon has been doing. He's been instructing in wisdom Continuing here in chapter 18 begins to get give us once again some very practical insights And so in verse one he says a man who isolates himself seeks his own desire He rages against all wise judgment. So this speaks of a person who refuses To listen to other people's counsel. I know nobody in this room ever refuses advice I realize that so hypothetically speaking of other people in some other country or some other world He's speaking of people who refuse to listen to somebody's advice This is a person who rejects other people's insights and this is someone who refuses to listen when they're corrected This is somebody who knows what he wants to do He already knows what he's going to do and so when somebody speaks to them. They just will not listen They won't listen when others will say to them. That's not a good thing to do Because they've already decided What they're going to do And that happens Every day many times a day I've had more than one opportunity to minister to somebody who is Coming to me with a request for advice and To spend time with that person Only to have them choose to do the exact opposite of what they were advised to do not that they have some kind of Obligation to do everything that I'm saying but sometimes when you give a piece of advice that is scriptural It's solid. It's proper. There are those who reject it Like the man who called the church said I need an emergency time with pastor David I have to see him and The secretary says to him. I'm sorry pastor is preparing a Bible study. He says listen. It's an emergency I need to be there. I need to speak to him. I want to speak to him So my secretary calls me and says there's somebody who wants to speak to you right now Can you see them for a little while and I say yes, of course, you know Tell him to come in at lunchtime if it's that important, of course I'll make some time for him and so he comes in during the lunch hour and he says to me I know it's it's it's noon. I don't take lunch anyway. It doesn't matter But he says it's noon. I left my job and I just needed some advice And and I knew I could ask you for it and he asked the question He says I just need it's a Bible question really he says if a man divorces his wife Even though no sin has occurred in the marriage, but he just divorces her and He marries somebody else. Is that a forgivable sin? So when he asked the question like that, is that a forgivable sin? Well, you know every sin is forgivable when it's repented of and Confessed and forsaken and I was a young pastor at the time I hadn't experienced this kind of thing before so I thought he was thinking or speaking theoretically so I said well, you know every sin is forgivable and Should a person sin and even do something like that God forgives God forgives a repentant sinner And he said well, thank you. That's all I wanted to know it only took like five minutes and he left and then it comes back to me Later on how that he had come to get permission to leave his wife to marry a woman. He was having an adulterous affair with You see so this this isn't just theoretical Words that we find in scripture This is very practical and very real and Solomon is saying it a man who isolates himself seeks his own desire Man who is not willing to hear other people is only going to do what he wants to do himself Erages against all wise judgment all sound wisdom Literally, you see when you voluntarily pull yourself away. You are left to your own selfishness and The fruit is rejecting wise counsel Often feeling that the counsel that has been given to you is really useless But remember Proverbs 15 verse 22 where it says without counsel plans go awry But in the multitude of counselors they are established and verse 2 he says a Fool has no delight in understanding but in expressing his own heart Again, this is someone who cannot listen to others in order that he might understand them There are there are people who if someone is speaking to them They're not really listening what they're doing is they're waiting for that person to stop talking So they can fill up the silence with their own voice. They're not really there to listen to somebody else They they don't want to understand somebody else in order to understand somebody else You need to patiently listen so that you can figure out what they're saying. We all know that those of us Who are married know that we know that I as a man I speak Greek My wife speaks Martian. I mean we speak two different languages And so in order for her to understand me and for me to understand her I've had to learn to listen She has had to learn to listen in order to value in order to understand But there are people who don't value other people's opinions. They don't desire to understand They basically simply want to give their own Their own understanding that's what it means when it says in verse 2 the last portion when it says but in expressing his own heart It's not really Desiring to know somebody else's because they have no interest in what others may have to say What he has to say though is coming from what would be called a fallen or degenerate heart and Therefore is ignorant of the things of the Lord. He has no interest in learning This is a person who who doesn't read books. He's not interested in the things of the Lord He's unteachable and eventually the scriptures says Scripture teaches that he will come to ruin verse 3 When the wicked comes contempt comes also with dishonor comes reproach Wickedness produces what is called contempt the word contempt means shame Wickedness produces shame it produces dishonor or disgrace and also reproach, which is another word for scorn Ultimately what happens when it says the wicked with the when the wicked comes contempt comes also and With dishonor comes reproach ultimately wickedness Results in reproach or when somebody is wicked ultimately they are rejected by people very few people want to be hanging around With some wicked person and that's the point he's making there verse 4 the words of a man's mouth are deep waters The wellspring of wisdom Is a flowing brook So this gives us basically two pictures notice the picture is one is a picture of a well And the other is a picture of a spring So when he speaks of a man's mouth the words of a man's mouth being deep waters Well, that that gives us the thought of something deep because wells can be deep It actually is a picture of a depth of wisdom Well, the wellspring pictures wisdom flowing out and when wisdom is flowing out like water Refreshes a thirsty person wisdom is also intended to refresh other people So he's saying a wise person will refresh others with a continuous supply of blessing and counsel In Proverbs 20 verse 5 it says counsel in the heart of man is like deep water But a man of understanding will draw it out Now if you want to be somebody who gives good counsel remember Colossians 3 16 Because there it says let the word of Christ dwelling you richly In all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs Singing with grace in your hearts to the lord If you want to be somebody who gives good counsel let the word of christ dwelling you richly That way when you're communicating advice to somebody It's not just going to be a series of things that you come up with yourself through your own experience But it's going to be the word of god that actually is the the food that god gives to the hungry soul It's the water that quenches the person who's spiritually thirsty So let the word of christ dwell in you richly let it go deeply in you and let it come out of you refreshing other people Verse 5 It is not good to show partiality to the wicked or to overthrow the righteous in judgment Um plainly spoken Judgment must be unbiased And it must be impartial It is never right to decide in favor of somebody When you don't take all things into consideration And judge a righteous judgment According to the old testament book of leviticus chapter 19 verse 15 You shall do no injustice in judgment You shall not be partial to the poor nor honor the person of the mighty In a righteousness you shall judge your neighbor I've had people who have gotten upset with others and they have said well This person has offended my brother or has offended my sister And then they will say and i've heard this more than once they say things like, you know blood is thicker than water And so is ketchup for that matter, but they'll say blood is thicker than water And the point they're making is i'm going to defend My brother or my sister because they are my brother or my sister, but that's not impartial judgment Because your brother or your sister may be wrong And there are people who carry these things in their heart towards others because they are taken offense At what the other person may have done But they're not being fair in their judgment. They're not being impartial One of the things that we need to learn to be Is a righteous judge impartial in our judgment And so it's never right for us to show judgment with partiality Verse six a fool's lips enter into contention his mouth calls for blows That's a word we still use to this day, right? He's just throwing blows, you know, we still use that word A fool's mouth is his destruction and his lips are the snare of his soul Basically, we've seen this to be true argumentative people get into trouble They get into trouble they end up having a real problem And so it's always wise to to to restrain your speech like it says in proverbs 13 verse 3 He who guards his mouth preserves his life But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction And so it's always wise to to guard your speech and a fool's lips according to verse six will enter into contention They're argumentative they cause problems and they have nothing but arguments with other people Verse eight the words of a tail bearer are like tasty trifles They go down in the inmost body This is uh interesting um A real basic way to see this is is to say People are greedy and hungry for gossip Some are some are very greedy and hungry for that It's interesting how it's how it's how it's posed here though the words of a tail bearer are like tasty trifles They're they're like, um Sweets you go to a pastry shop and and you see these Pastries of some sort whatever it may be that you like so much And uh for some people the words of a tail bear a tail bearer is a gossip It's a person who's bearing something and they're bearing a tail They're taking a story and they're bringing it to you And so he says the words of a tail bearer are like tasty trifles for some people. They just love to hear Gossip they just love it And he says and they go down in the inmost body. They just devour it They're greedy for it and they like it. Well, the bible tells us in leviticus 19 verse 16 You shall not go about as a tail bearer among your people Proverbs 26 verse 20 we'll get there in a few years proverbs 26 20 Says where there is no wood the fire goes out where there's no tail bearer strive ceases You know it you know that old saying don't throw kerosene on a fire You know if there is no wood the fire goes out. There's no reason to keep provoking people so that the argument continues But there are some people who simply love to hear gossip about other people. It's very sad, but it's very true verse nine He who is slothful in his work Is a brother to him who is a great destroyer Slothful is a word. We don't use anymore. It speaks of being lazy So he who is slothful in his work is a person who's always looking for shortcuts Because they're lazy And ultimately he's saying That's going to cause you great problems When I was a kid I I I was very lazy. I mean I would do almost anything to get out of work And my dad would do almost anything to get me to work. So it was quite an interesting Way of life for a long time. I I remember as a kid going to Catechism and learning the 10 Commandments And uh, I was only seven years old And my dad wasn't a religious man by any means um But he respected the fact that my mom was sending me to catechism classes to learn some basics of religion I guess he felt that religion was good at least a little religion was good for people. I don't know But I do remember this. I do remember that it was sunday And I do remember my father saying to me Son, you need to rake up those leaves and throw it in that trashcan. I was seven years old I still remember the conversation I said, I'm sorry father. I can't He says, what do you mean you can't I said dad, I can't I said, you're not to work on the Sabbath And he said what what my dad got on man. He goes what I said no My catechism teacher said that we're supposed to have a day of rest And that sunday is our day of rest and I'd already gone to mass and all of that. I said so um dad I I am sorry, but I cannot pick up those leaves because that's work And I'm supposed to have a day of rest. My dad was so mad But he picked up the leaves my dad picked him up. So I learned very early how to con my dad I really did. I had another tactic that was very effective My dad was one of these guys who wanted the work done rapidly just get it done And so once again, it had to do with leaves My dad had raked up a pile of leaves and he said son pick those leaves up and throw them in The trash can he thought he had me because it wasn't sunday And so what I would do is I would lay on my side And I would with one hand I would pick up the leaves and drop them in the trash can Then I just reach over And my dad was in the garage. I still remember this and my dad was watching me He got so mad he came and picked them all up at one time and see so I learned to be a slothful man at the age of seven And so laziness is not something that the lord Blesses and a long time ago the lord began to try and teach me not to look for shortcuts Because ultimately it just causes problems in proverbs 24 verses 30 through 32 It reads I went by the field of a lazy man And by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding there it was all overgrown with thorns Its surface was covered with nettles Its stone wall was broken down when I saw it I considered it well I looked on it and received instruction Laziness ends up with just a messed up house. Basically. It's just it's not productive verse 10 The name of the lord is a strong tower The righteous run to it and are safe The rich man's wealth is his strong city And like a high wall in his Own esteem. So what this is doing here is this contrasting a faith in god The name of the lord being a strong tower With faith in money verse 11 the rich man's wealth is his strong city So it's contrasting faith in god with faith in material things Jesus Gave a story it's found in luke 12 that it is appropriate for this In luke 12 verses 16 through 21 luke says he spoke a parable to them Saying the ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully And he thought within himself saying What shall I do? Since I have no room to store my crops So he said I will do this I'll pull down my barns And build greater There I will store all my crops And my goods And I'll say to my soul You have many goods laid up for many years. Take your ease Eat drink be merry But god said to him fool This night your soul will be required of you Then whose will those things be which you have provided So is he who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward god When you put your trust in riches They are what are called Uncertain In first Timothy 6 17 through 19 paul said it like this He said command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty Nor to trust in uncertain riches But in the living god who gives us richly all things to enjoy Let them do good that they be rich in good works ready to give willing to share Storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come that they may lay hold on eternal life So the attitude towards wealth is very simple. Don't rely on it. Why because you may be rich today and Tomorrow the stock market crashes And you lose everything I I heard somebody was speaking just a couple days ago about How there was a particular stock market crash not that long ago And they pretty much lost most of their savings for their retirement in just a day All these months and years of putting money away Now, of course, this is not to say that we shouldn't be wise and prepare for the future And I'm I'm not saying that what I am saying is that for some people Wealth is their future That is what they trust in That is something that they expect to be able to benefit from later on And when it does crash, which it can do They end up with nothing But the person who trusts in the lord Though they lose everything yet they don't lose The totality of reality because they still have the lord And they have something that will take them through even crashes And so the wisest thing that we can do is understand that god is our strong tower He's the one who keeps us safe The righteous run to him really and are safe But the rich man well, he puts all of his trust in his wealth very often And in his own esteem it produces high walls But the problem is is those high walls are not going to protect him You see god is the one who protects and provides for us In Psalm 18 verse 2 the lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer My god my strength In whom I will trust my shield the horn of my salvation my stronghold Proverbs 11 for riches do not profit in the day of wrath Our righteousness delivers from death verse 12 Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty Before honor is humility This isn't always true But it's true very often Those who are very very rich Are often also very very proud And when they are very very rich They can look at their poor neighbors And begin to look at them as being somewhat Inferior to them So if anyone is ever going to have genuine honor Well, the very first thing that they really need is humility Because humility is one is one of the qualities of a person who fears the lord And humility is the road to honor from god In proverbs 15 verse 33 the fear of the lord is the instruction of wisdom before honor Is humility I had a guy knew His name was lucky He had one eye one hand one leg and we called him lucky. No, I'm just kidding Um, but his nickname was lucky And uh, I was a new you know new christian and he had Recently come to faith in the lord. I was 20 years old and he was probably 50 So he is You know a lot older than I And I had been reading the bible and trying to grow in the things of the lord And he and I were having a conversation at my parents house and still remember How he and I were visiting And as we were speaking He was bragging and and he had a habit of boasting he did You know, he he'd boast about almost everything all the time So finally, you know as a young believer I I got tired of hearing him bragging because if there's anything that That I have a personal problem Hearing it's when someone boasts. I just it's just one of those things that bothers me when someone's bragging I just don't like it And uh, man, he was somebody who liked to like to brag So finally I said to him listen lucky I have to tell you something because I'd been reading the bible I mean all 20 years old how you know found of wisdom, right? But I'm reading the bible and so I said listen The bible says before honor is humility And and that pride goes before destruction I said You need to seek the lord For humility I'll never forget his answer. He looks at me and he says I am humble He goes david I'm the most humble man. I know and I said is your name trump. No and and as I Anyway It's one thing that gets to me with that guy um Before honors humility Okay, somebody says well that that's theoretically great How can I learn to be humble? Now that's that's really a practical question. How can I learn to be humble? I was taught this a long time ago All you need to do is read the word of god And look closely at jesus And then compare yourself with him If that doesn't produce humility, I don't know what will because who here Is as good as he Who here can compare to him? I mean it's easy for me to to try and find somebody that I think that somehow I'm qualitatively Better or superior to it's it's not hard to find somebody And think yourself. Oh, I'm better than that And a lot of us can do that But see it's one thing for me to compare myself with another person It's another thing for me to see the lord jesus And when I see myself in comparison to him, how can I help But become humble because if you spend time with the lord You'll see yourself for who you are It's like It's like when isiah When you read the book of isiah you get to chapter five in chapter five of isiah Isiah gives a lot of pronouncements He's already preaching and he begins to say things like whoa Woe unto those who and he begins to speak about those who call darkness light and light darkness bitter sweet sweet bitter And uh things of that nature woe unto woe unto woe unto and it's interesting that's in chapter five But in chapter six, he says when king huzai died I saw the lord and he was high and he was lifted up and and his train filled the temple And he sees a picture of the glory of god. He sees that picture It's actually he's seeing jesus in reality because jesus speaks of that In the gospel of john hell that in fact isiah was seeing him, but even so He he had been saying woe unto woe unto and woe unto And then he sees the lord and he says woe unto me For I am a man of unclean lips And I dwell amongst the people of unclean lips See, it's one thing for us to see the woes of others But when we see the lord We see our own and once we see ourselves. It's like look at in a mirror I look really good at three in the morning in the dark But when you turn the light on And I see myself for what I really am I'm I'm not that flattered I've gone into some dressing rooms and I've tried on shirts And you have to take your shirt off to put on the shirt you look at yourself and you say I hate that mirror I hate that mirror Because it's showing me for what I really am And so the word of the lord Is the mirror that we view ourselves in And the word of the lord is that which describes to us and informs us concerning the god that we worship And so when the holy spirit illuminates our darkened conscience the word of god Begins to reveal to us who we are and then shows us who jesus is Then that's where you take the path to humility because you begin to see yourself For who you are and like isiah you can say woe unto me Not simply woe unto you now we have a tendency of saying Woe unto me because in fact I really need the lord So again verse 12 before destruction the heart of a man is haughty Before honor is humility Verse 13 this is an interesting verse he who answers a matter before he hears it It is folly and shame to him Somebody is speaking and you interrupt them And and you're not allowing them to finish their thought And and when you do that you actually dishonor them And what that does is that reveals our character It also reveals our lack of intellectual fairness Because how can you truly respect a person when you refuse to hear him out How can you really understand somebody if you keep interrupting them? So he who answers a matter before he hears it it is folly and shame to him I've said this to you before it's one of the lessons lord taught me with raising kids Is is to learn to literally bite my tongue to literally bite my tongue Because as I've shared before Um, there were times when my kids were growing up from childhood to young adulthood And I had to grow up along with them and I didn't realize that I had to learn to allow them To have their own thoughts because when they're children you basically are telling them This is what we believe this is what we do as children But at a certain point they have to own their own beliefs And when they begin to work out their own beliefs sometimes the way they're working them out Is a little troublesome to me because I don't agree with that at all So let me give you a 50 minute lecture as to why the use of that word is not proper And the lord finally got to me You know and and said you've got to listen Because you speak But you don't listen well And I have to tell you that was one of the toughest lessons for me to learn And I literally would bite my tongue literally put my tongue between my teeth And I I would bite my own tongue to remind me that I'm supposed to shut up No, that's not all the time But was a good amount of time Because I discovered something that as they kept speaking They actually weren't saying what I thought they were saying And I started learning to listen And to hear not only the words But what their feelings were behind those words Because sometimes the words that we're using Were incorrect In describing what they really meant I had to learn that And the only way to learn that is to let somebody finish what they're saying So we don't answer a man According to verse 13. We don't answer a matter before we hear it because it's folly and shame In verse 14 The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness But who can bear a broken spirit? The spirit of a man refers To the one who is drawing his strength from God And this spirit of a man sustains him in sickness It gives him strength in other words to bear with times of sickness or trouble In his life the spirit of man sustains him in times of trouble But he goes on to say in verse 14, but who can bear a broken spirit? A broken spirit is a wounded spirit. It's one that's been damaged It's it's a picture of someone who is withdrawing into themselves And the point is very simple. We understand this emotional pain And depression Can sap the will to live You can get to the point when you're in so much emotional pain That you actually don't care if you live or you die Have you ever been there? Some of you have Where somebody will actually ask you Do you care if you live or die? And you say None Not really Because you're going through so much pain Yeah, it really doesn't matter and that's what he's saying. Who can bear a broken spirit? and so Emotional and emotional pain and depression can can sap your will to live In proverbs 12 25 anxiety in the heart of man causes depression A good word makes it glad A good word comes from the word of the lord guys You know sometimes when you're going through tough times The first thing people will do is they stop reading the word They stop being in god's word God's word is what speaks to you God is speaking to you through his word and what we end up doing is we cut him out of the conversation And the only thing we're left with is the things that we're feeling The things that we are thinking and so one of the worst things i've ever done is i i've stopped reading While i've gone through pain Rather than continuing Hearing from the the word of the lord because he wants to speak to me and bring healing That's why the word of god is so important But that's also why it is a blessing to have godly friends. Remember in chapter 17 verse 17 How solemn had said a friend loves at all times a brother's born for adversity When you're all by yourself when you fall and there's no one there to pick you up It's a bad place to be So it's a blessing when you have somebody who's alongside of you a friend who's like a brother A friend who can help you and and be there for you and listen to you and encourage you and pray for you And sometimes the best thing that friend can do is not advise you And there's always plenty of time for advice But sometimes the best thing he can do is cry with you Or the best thing they can do is just listen to you without bringing a word of correction without bringing a a A word of advice I had a friend of mine who was He was going through his master's program. It was a very intense program and He was afraid that he had Failed his is Failed to produce a A a master's thesis that was acceptable. He was concerned for it. He was in what we used to call the paper chase He was moving towards his diploma his degree And he was really upset because he didn't know whether he's going to pass or not He eventually passed. He got a second master's then he got a phd But at this time he didn't know if he was going to get his first masters And he was pretty upset with it And one of my friends was speaking to him and said to him something like don't worry about it Everything's okay. All things work together for the good of those who love god Those who are called according to his purpose, which is true. It's scripture But I looked at my friend who was giving the scriptural advice at that moment And I said he doesn't need to hear that right now because he already knows that what he really needs right now Is for us just to listen to him While he you know while he says this is what i'm feeling Because you know what I have discovered so have you That there are times we're going through things that are really tough. They're hard their struggles were hurting And it's I don't need to be given a whole lot of advice Sometimes I simply need To be given the comfort of a friend who's next to me for that moment to help me to know i'm not alone Yes, I know my god is with me. I have no doubt that he is but again sometimes you want an arm around your shoulder That's not the invisible harm of the lord But sometimes god's arm is around your shoulder in a sense through a brother or a sister Who's saying i'm with you I've said this to you before it's true Job's comforters did the best job of comforting when they sat there and just didn't say anything It's when they opened their mouth that that job says well miserable comforters are you Because they just said oh, you know what I've seen only the unrighteous go through things like this job Just shut up jack. I don't need to hear that Because sometimes what we need is just A person who weeps with those who weep Somebody can do that because that's a brother. That's a sister. It's not that they don't want to encourage you It's not that they don't want to help you Is that they're going through this with you? And I have to tell you I've been able to get through an awful lot of things with people who are simply making the journey with me Because they know The god that i'm having a bit of a struggle with at that moment. They know He's able and sometimes it's not that it's their faith that gets me through But they certainly are an encouragement to me to hold fast So the spirit of man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit first 15 The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge the ear of the wise seeks knowledge and so This actually contrasts a bit with verse 13 Where it had said he who answers a matter before he hears it is falling shame to him Because now it speaks concerning the heart of the prudent acquiring knowledge and the ear of the wise seeking knowledge And so the wise and heart are teachable They eagerly pursue the things of the lord Notice how it speaks of acquiring and seeking so that gives us an insight into pursuit And this is something that motivates them Proverbs 1 verse 5 said a wise man will hear an increased learning a man of understanding will attain wise counsel Proverbs 4 7 says Wisdom is the principal thing therefore get wisdom and in all you're getting Get understanding. So this is something that you pursue And you are teachable and you're eager to continue learning Verse 16 A man's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men This is interesting because what it's literally saying is influence can be bought with gifts A modern picture of that is a lobbyist in washington They use their finances by influence So it's not always a good thing Proverbs 19 6 said many says many entreat the favor of the nobility every man is a friend To the one who gives gifts And so he's simply saying influence can be bought with gifts and it's not always a good thing that you buy influence Verse 17 this one has been a very important proverb in my life The first one to plead his cause seems right Until his neighbor comes and examines him Oh, that's so true, isn't it? Remember this There are always two sides to every dispute There are always two sides You'll have someone who will come to you and will say to you This is what they did to me And and and they hurt me and they this and they're your friend and you love them to pieces And you start getting upset because how dare they treat you that way and you listen to them because They're your friend And so the person they have the problem with comes in and you're mad at them You don't even know anything about their side You're just mad at them and they feel it all over you So they say what's wrong? I don't like the way you you treated my friend And what did I do? You did this and you did that and you said this and you said that And then you look at them And you say but did they tell you this? And then everything starts to change Because the first one to plead their cause is always right Because that's the single source of information you're getting be very careful That you don't show partiality and judgment Be very careful that you don't take sides with people simply because you love them Again, we need to be impartial plus we need to be careful not to be recipients of gossip We don't want them to be tasty trifles in our life And so be aware of that there's always there will always be two sides to a dispute And sometimes people are won over unfairly because somebody got to them first verse 18 Casting lots causes contentions to cease and keeps the mighty apart Well, when it speaks of casting lots Casting lots was a way of trusting God for the answer That's how they at one time would seek answers from the Lord through this particular system called casting lots And so as it says in Proverbs 16 33 The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord So that was a way of trusting God for an answer But today we don't go out there and try and find the Lord's will through doing things like that What we do now is we spend time in the word of God We spend time in prayer and we spend time seeking the Lord's Holy Spirit to lead us in decisions and Direct us in our footsteps. So we don't cast lots seeking answers from the Lord Verse 19. Here's another very practical proverb A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city And contentions are like the bars of a castle That's very true. When you offend someone that you're very close to It's very difficult to heal the relationship once it's been broken. Have you discovered that? It's true every one of us sometime in our life has somehow violated a friendship in one way or another And it's hard to win them back Because they're so offended. They're so hurt and you can apologize to your blue in the face And very often they just don't want to hear it. They're that upset So a brother offended is harder to win than a strong city verse 20 A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth From the produce of his lips. He shall be filled That's an interesting proverb Beneficial speech produces satisfaction for the speaker as well as the listener Proverbs 12 14 said a man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth verse 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it Will eat its fruit death and life now that's interesting But notice death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it. The question is love what? Love it love what? Those who love speech those who look when it says the power of the tongue. It's another way of saying the power of speech Those who love talking reap consequences Because the things you say will ultimately result in either good or bad consequences Remember james chapter three verse eight No man contained the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison And remember proverbs 10 19 in the multitude of words sin is not lacking. He who restrains his lips is wise And so if you love to talk you're going to eventually give enough things to get people upset at you So be aware of that verse 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the lord We'll talk about that for a minute Okay He who finds a wife finds a good thing Well, the way this is phrased in in the original language actually carries with it an interesting kind of connotation Um It's describing in a sense by using the term Finding a wife finding a good thing Um It's actually describing and and you wouldn't see this if you didn't spend some time looking and seeing What is this literally Leading to it's speaking of Of a wife and her good qualities. There are good qualities in other words of a wife And when you read your bible there are things that you see that uh that are great qualities of a good woman a good wife And he's speaking of a good wife here. And so a good wife You look through scripture. You'll see that she's she's what what we used to call good-natured Um, she's describing you'll see this later on in Proverbs as being kind A good wife is somebody who is described as being wise um careful industrious And he's actually referring to a wife of this nature as being a wife of nobility so A person who finds a noble wife Is finding an exceptional an exceptional treasure in their life in in marriage in marriage I'm trying to say this right Not because it's offensive, but because I want to make sense I I every married person in this room will know what I'm saying and every parent would know what I'm saying when I say it like this The man that I am today God The holy spirit God's word Salvation, I mean I can point to that that that changed me But I'm also a man Who has been influenced For some time by one woman and this one woman's qualities Have helped to form me Into the man who's standing here right now my wife Because had I married a woman other than my wife Marie That woman her personality her goodness Her whatever made her what she is I would have been responding to her Because when you get married It's not all about you. You know this married person it You better know this It's not all about you It's about us The two shall become one flesh I was empty And then the Lord brings someone into my life that completes me That's how it works I and I you know people think I I sometimes they don't think I'm sincere, but I am I I am so grateful for my wife Because I have a great wife. I really do and I don't want to embarrass her. She gave me money to say this. That's true, but It wasn't that much But it's true It's true and and so many times when I share on these kinds of things and I'm only taking a moment to do this here I get emotional, but people don't know why the reason I I get emotional is I am so thankful For the woman God gave to me that it actually overwhelms me when I start to speak about it. It just does because that You know, you have certain things in your life that are very important And this is one of those Top tier things that are important, right? And so I know That having a good wife is a is is a gift from God I know that and I know that the woman he gave to me helped me to become the man that others respect Because she helped me to learn the weaknesses of my own life By contrast with the goodness of hers And wife when you're a good woman And your husband loves you he will become a good man He will He will learn how to speak with gentleness. He'll learn how to be kind He'll learn how to be compassionate He'll learn how to be generous He'll learn that that it's not not all about him because when he has a good wife He begins to learn what a blessing it is to give rather than to receive and he begins to learn How the two do become one flesh and there are empty portions of his life that are filled up by the goodness of that woman And when you find when you have a good wife, it is a gift from God It is a gift from God And and I've seen that in my own life. I've seen that in other people's lives When that man has a good wife He becomes a good man if he has an intent to be one If he's not a bully if he's not a manipulator if he's not a controller if he's not a man who who doesn't appreciate what God does But if he's a man who is willing to say I was empty I needed someone to help to fill up those gaps in my life and and God gave me this woman And I see her As what she really is she's a gift from the Lord to me. You see I prayed that God would give me the right woman I prayed most sincerely God I make bad choices in life So please Lord In matters of living for the rest of my life with someone I make bad choices I haven't I haven't been able to see what I really need but Lord I've come to know that you know Exactly what I need Lord, I'm going to go to sleep to my desire and I'm asking you To bring that one into my life So I don't make poor choices when it comes to something as important as a woman That I'll be married to and guess what the Lord brought me Marie And I understand this scripture He who finds a wife finds a good thing obtains favor from the Lord. God blessed me God has blessed my life. I pray every husband in this room Can say the same thing about your marriage That you have a woman that God would say is it's a good thing for you That right one for you the one that was brought into your life To make you whole because and to that point you were incomplete And then he brought her to you and he said this is the one that will make you into a man of God See see my wife has done that for me She has helped me in so many ways to learn what it means to be a man A noble woman is a gift from God proverbs 31 10 through 12 a wife of noble character who can find She is worth far more than rubies I feel really sorry for ruby. She's always put down She is worth far more than rubies Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value She brings him good not harm all the days of her life But uh, that's so true. That is beautiful Okay, moving on The poor man uses in treaties But the rich man answers roughly in other words a poor man begs because he has no recourse He has no one to plead his case for him. So he uses in treaties But the rich man Well, he can answer harshly Well, basically it says the rich man answers roughly the poor man is begging But the rich man answers roughly because I've heard this before And so that's basically how that goes Then finally a man who has friends must himself be friendly There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Let's take a moment and look at this and then we'll close You want to have a friend? Be friendly well that makes sense You know, uh, there There have been times when when people will say well, you know, they're It's hard to it's hard to to make friends and And that that can be true But one of the one of the things that we need to cultivate If we want to have friends is we need to cultivate within ourselves A friendliness towards people Uh vulnerability If you will Proved to be a friendly person yourself Because friendly people are attractive You know, but But people who are not friendly well They're not always that attractive I mean that happens in churches. I you come to church and you used to Being seated in a certain place. I I know there are people in this church Who think that the chair they're in when they're in church, that's their chair. That's our chair. That's my chair And I have seen it. Well, they'll come in they'll look at somebody who's in their chair I've seen it Like you bought that chair, but they but they that's my chair, you know And then there have been times where people say, you know, they're the that person's not real friendly towards me And and it's hard to make friends and a long time ago. This this particular proverb Um became real to me when he he says it if you're going to have a friend you need to be friendly yourself sometimes you come to church like this one here and and um And you'll you'll be next to somebody and you'll think they're an unfriendly person because they don't say hi to you But that person that's the first time they've been in this church, too And they're looking at you saying what an unfriendly person. They didn't say hi to me And so it's just real. I so you have to be aware of that So if you're going to have a friend Then be the kind of person who's friendly towards others But there's another portion where it says there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother and yeah We can have some physical friends who are closer than a brother Uh, I mentioned this last week, I believe but uh, I have a friend his name is bill And when we were growing up he lived across the street from me And I can honestly say to you that from the time we were young until we were we were in our late teens Um, I actually looked at him as someone I loved more than my own brother frank my own blood brother He was that much closer to me He just was there are friends who are actually Closer to you, especially believers You may have an unbelieving family member there. You love them. I mean, they're your family But you have friends in the lord who are there when you need them and bring spiritual strength to you in your times of need But who is your very best friend? Here's something that's really important. This is really important It's so basic that people think it's too simplistic, but it's not it's very real My very very dearest friend is jesus christ You need to understand that that's called christianity by the way That's not weirdness or fantasy or imagination That's christianity The closest friend you have Closer than your husband or wife closer than your children closer than the best friend you have on earth Your very best friend is jesus christ and he will never never never leave you nor forsake you He will never ever Let you down. He never leaves you alone He is always by your side and when your closest friend can't show up And even though he's texting you that doesn't it's not him being there Jesus is with you when you understand that you are never alone I'm never alone. I am never alone for he is with me He never has forsaken me. He's never left me by myself I have always had a sense My god, it's with me He will not leave me He's six closer than any brother And that's jesus christ. That's where the christian faith finds its strength If you're always looking to a human being That person will eventually let you down. We just do We just do not that we want to not that we plan on it We just do Because we're failures at perfection That's just the bottom line That's why I can love my friends, but I know they're human And they will make mistakes. They will do things that can hurt They will make me feel sometimes like I'm all alone, but I have to tell you and this is not pretend I'm not saying this just because I'm a pastor. I'm saying this because I'm a christian Jesus has never left me nor has he ever forsaken me He has been with me to the highs of my life And the deepest lows I've ever experienced and he has never left me He has carried me when I cannot carry myself He has been beside me because he's not only beside me by his spirit. He lives within me He instructs me by his word And he gives me great comfort when others can't Because he knows every single thing about me Everything he knows my testimony In a way I've never told anybody else. He knows the real complete one and guess what? He still loves me And because he knows everything about me and still loves me who is my best friend Jesus christ There is a friend who is closer to you than any brother and that's jesus make sure you understand that today