 had his eyelid skin completely melted off, which was the worst way to start the graduation, you know. Anyway, moving right along, moving right along. Guess what guys, we're fucking sick. Yeah, we're gonna be a bit flat today. It's been a, I think our bodies are starting to give out, had a bit of a celebration on the weekend. And fuck, yeah, work up on Sunday and it's been downhill since then. So it's gonna be a low energy episode. How high are you out of 10? But yeah, we've had a little bit of weed to try and make it look weird at least. You know, so it's like... Probably like five out of 10. Oh, so it's like the silent weird type, funny. Yeah, I'm keen on just doing a bit of weed oil. Sort of detoxing. Been having my vital greens again. Yeah. I'm gonna start exercising. I have fucking cellulite all over my torso. Big, big divots. It's like fucking old woman shit. Big bullet wounds. It's stretches in the holes. It's like a beehive. Yeah, it's not good. It's not looking good. We haven't worked out probably for a long time. Isolation's really like... It's like the world hard, eh? It's really fucked our routine up. Yeah. We're gonna exercise and eat like shit. Do you have any ideas to wake up in the morning? Yeah, I know. It's just fucking... I look at the phone and I just go fuck it, snooze. And then I press it like a hundred times and then it's like 5 p.m. Yeah, and then it's like, oh, fucking bedtime. Fuckin' bedtime. And then fucking back down, you go at about six, quarter past six. And you're in and out until about midnight and then bang, you're fucking gone. We're slowly getting there as well with Twitch guys. We figured out we've gotta do like eight hours of live stream before we can... But we'll promote it a little bit in there because we need to get like a few followers or some shit. Yeah. To be in the whatever you call them. It's pretty much set up now. And Matt Brown. He's sitting back in his chair. He's sitting on like a bar stool and he's sort of leaning back and his arms are folded and he's looking at me, looking at Michael, looks back down to the soundboard. Is that what you call that? The soundboard? Do you ever play with it? Do you ever like do little fucking turns and shit? No, he keeps looking up and down. Yeah, sometimes. Because sometimes you get very loud and down. Oh, shut up, man! Shut up! Who the fuck was that? You asked. Yeah, I know. God damn it. That's so fucking research, statistician. Oh, speaking of research, what have you done? Have we got it? Oh my God, you would not believe the shit that I'm about to smash into your fucking head holes, come on. Some of these facts are out of my mind, worldview ZX to the nth degree, my friends. ZX? Yeah. That's when Z goes before X. Yeah, which never happens. That's in a different universe. That's how fucked this is. I've got those fucking eyebrows poking over my fucking eyes again. It could be a cancer. It could be a brain tumor as well. No! Optical. You start seeing shit in your peripheral. It's a symptom of eye of brain and eye cancer. They got him a giggle. Oh, this is sponsored by the University of Markle.com. If you want to support us, fucking get fucking on it, can't. What did we just watch before? We did the gel blast of it. Yeah, we really did it, except it's crazy. And so you can just remember it's 14 days free. Fucking hate explaining this every week. It's 14 days free. So if you want to watch the videos that are on there already, we found it like a way around it. So you never have to really pay. But it's still a fucking dog move on us. It's a fucking cup of coffee. Yeah, so but we're selling right out. We're out of here. We're selling right out. We fucking we just want that cash. We want that dollar dollar. We want to be able to make money for what we do. No, Facebook don't pay that well. Reigning. Reigning cash. And yeah, so we want that. So please give us your money and subscribe to that. All right, on this day in... Oh, hello, Matthew. Oh, off to the side. He's adjusting the lighting. I'll have a Matthew Brown, thanks. I'll have a Matthew Brown and I'll move that around. Brown and round, rhymed. That was cute. Look at him. Look at his package. Yeah, you can see his bulge through his pants. He do have a bit of a bulge. I remember I borrowed some of your undies once and fuck I had some room in them. Yeah, it was just like space. All right, they still kept the groove. So it looked like out of big dick. Thanks, man. OK, on this day in 1960, Jeffrey Rush started burying his fingernails in the backyard in hopes that fingers would grow so that he could go with them. When the fingernails didn't grow, Jeffrey's frustrations grew so intense that he king hit his wife right in the sternum. Oh, that would hurt. You could probably kill him if you hit him in the sternum. Yeah, hard enough. Hundred percent. Would it just, what, shatter it and then go into your lungs? I think it would just break the ribs into the lungs so you'd like drown with your own blood, piss in out of your fucking mouth. Probably a throat hits really dangerous. Yeah, I'll text Jeffrey and let him know. All right, on this day in 2005, Megan Fox learned how to excrete a sticky substance from the palms of her hand so that she could scale the sides of buildings much like a gecko. She has been seen scuttling along the sides of high-rise buildings and flicking her tongue at passing birds. She's still hot, though. Yeah, how did she flick her tongue? I'm not sure. I think she sort of just... Just one? Yeah, as fast as she can. Wow. And it must be the sticky shit on her tongue, too, so she can catch them. I think there's a very weird little gecko thing there about Megan Fox. Holy fuck. I saw her recently. She was in a film clip. High-rise building. Machine gun Kelly. Yeah, MGK's latest Bloody Valentine. Good film clip. Are they dating? She still looks as hot as ever. Oh, I wonder. No, no. Definitely. He definitely would have had a turn. Is that fake news? Yeah, it's fake news. He would have had a go. I wonder if they'll use that trick she can do for the movie. Yeah, no, she's not in a movie. It was just a film clip. Fucking bitch. On this day in 1996, Nicholas Cage started breaking his fingers regularly. He was seen jumping up as high as he could and landing with his entire body weight on his outstretched fingers. When asked why he was doing this, he answered, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, asshole. Just imagine seeing someone do that. Yeah, I've seen her on YouTube. It's like, it went viral. So you jump up, then quickly straighten your finger. Well, you just land with your full body weight like that. And so your legs would be facing the sky. Yeah, okay. Outstretched. And they would spread out. So it's like high jump. Picture a belly flop. High jump. You know how they flop over, but you land on your outstretched fingers. And then your legs come back over like a scorpion. Yeah, so apparently he would break them and then go and reset them at the hospital. And then as soon as they were healed, he would go and break them again. And then you just did that for like a period of three or four years. Wow. That must have been before going in 60 seconds. Or maybe during, maybe even during that. Oh, he's fucking right on there. Typing. He's got a research facility in front of him. Wow. That was before going in 60 seconds. Yeah. He was only six where he broke his hands, but 2000 was gone in 60 seconds. Yeah, that's probably what. That's how it all aligns. Yeah, all the lines now. They probably told him to stop doing that. And he said, all right. Because you can't steal cars. Especially in 60 seconds, if you break it, you got fucking broken hands. That's how he stole cars. He would break his hands so they could easily get into the window. Ah, that's how he did it. Director. Fuck. Good research. There's director policies. Good research. That's great shit. That's the level high growl. Growl? Growl. On this day in 1983, Robert De Niro gently sat on some store-bought eggs for seven days straight. He was very gentle and would whisper sweet words, sing and stroke them lovingly. Incredibly, the eggs started hatching half chick, half De Niro creatures. De Niro raised the creatures as normal children slash pets and the De Niro creatures are all grown up now and live in Hollywood. Most of the creatures are rapists. Wow. Holy shit. So what? They're like half chicken. Half De Niro creatures, yeah. So I guess like it'd be a half, halfway between a chicken and an animal size. How the fuck? But like able to function enough to like, you know, live in. I didn't hear about that on the news. Yeah, I know. They always try and squash it. They, oh, hush, hush, big hush, hush. I give you money, hush, hush it. That's what De Niro would have said. And then they just fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly, dude. 100%, I get that. You know what I mean? And now it's time for... I can't yell right now because my throat's all fucked but Matt has kindly renamed the segments in a really soft, gentle language. Elven language, I believe he says it is. Oh. Matt, from the elves? Is that right? Elves. He's yes, okay. Elves is a pretty word. I want to call my... Disgusting. Like it's really, really weird. He plays like Dungeons and Dragons or something, but it's a strange language. Oh yeah, true. It is sort of fucking, yeah. Anyway, the segment has been renamed to... Shailin, put your shit in my butt. But shawr. I love the ending. But shawr. So yeah, which is Elvish for... Let's read some questions that you guys have sent in via Instagram. And sometimes we see comments. Where do we send the questions to? Send them to the atMarty and Michael Instagram account, okay? Not our ringworms. Just the main account and we'll get to them. But there's heaps now. So just keep sending those questions in week after week. Fucking stab them in there. Stab them right up it. Yeah, and I only go through a few and there's so many. So don't be upset if we don't fucking take yours, all right? Now, this isn't a question, but this is from Jonesy.30. And he's asked us to talk about this because he's got a wife. No, not a wife, a girlfriend. And he said, my girlfriend Amanda calls me childish and immature for watching your videos and listening to your podcasts. Can you do me a favor and call her a cunt? Cunt! A podcast from Ireland. Love from Ireland. Cunt! No, she's not a cunt. She's a fucking cunt! All right, next one's from Haydn Rendell. And he has asked, do you guys see yourselves so far ahead of Stephen Hawking's? Or are you still trying to get to his level in your opinion? It's hard. Different levels. He was more like his work was like, you know, in philosophy and stuff like that. Ours is just strictly... We're more practical experiments. Yeah, ours is more like every day to day shit people actually need. You know what I mean? I'd say he might be just smarter in the head. His thinking method was similar. So we just applied that, but just too shit that people actually need and use and shit like that. Yeah, we don't dumb it down. We make it simpler for the common person. Yeah, ask anyone on the street, what's experiments Hawking's done cunt? And they fucking what don't know. They don't know any experiments Hawking's done cunt. No one knows. But people ask people what Marty and Michael on the streets. Everyone will fucking give you a practical fucking example and I'll tell you what now for free. I'll tell you what now for free. It's up there and it fucking does it properly. You get the answers straight up your fucking backside cunt. I'll tell you that one for free, my brother. Thanks. Renak Revan Kha. Revan Kha. Will you ever do a live podcast? Oh, man. Oh, it's definitely something I'd like to explore. Oh, that was fun. I love you finished. But it's so hard to do a live podcast for you too because things are just out of control. Yeah, people don't see the cuts where we run off and do drugs and shit and come back. People don't see that. And we can't do that live, obviously. Yeah. All right, next one's from Harry Brolyer. How does it feel to be the most famous Australians other than Cardinal Pell's nephew, Hugh Jackman's tonal? Love the content. Hugh Jackman's tonal? Yeah, I would say fuck. We're probably above the tonal. Maybe it could be the tonal. If he Googles it and something comes up, that's beating us. Anyway, we'll get there. How does it feel? Fuck, fuck me. Right now, I feel like shit. I feel tired, fatigued, malnourished, like a constant hangover. Hey, that's how life is for me. You just want to roll into a ball and accept. Yeah, the fame, fuck, it's not all. It's not. It gets pretty fucking frustrating. That's not even that. It's a very low level fame. It's not not like you go to a bar and go, you that can't fucking rip his tonal. Let me buy you a beer. That's about that's how good it gets. I think I think the level of fame for you was in Bali on your birthday. And you and me are about to go down a zip wire. Oh, and just as we're about to get on it, some big, fat Australian dude. It came along and was like, you're that bloody smoking guy from the internet. And then I fucking went down and he was like, yes, I am sculling a beer. I vaguely remember that. Yeah, fuck, that's what it's like. Yeah. You feel that smoking can't from the internet. So I don't know people that would say like, oh, from Facebook, go from the phone. You're a fake guy from the phone. You're on the screens. You're in the telomavision. You're in front of my eyes sometimes. You're alive. You're you. You're real. Malfunction. You're real. Malfunction. Or fun. Imagine just nothing. Next one is Rachel Dunaway. Hey, Wankers question for the podcast. She won the free membership, by the way. Oh, wow. Well done, Rachel. If we had to be in a TV sitcom family, which would we choose? Meh. Oh, a TV sitcom family. Oh, that's very good. Maybe first would be Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which I can see. I wanted to say that. I can't think of any at the moment, Rachel. I'd be in The Simpsons. Which character would you be? I'd be Marty in The Simpsons. No, you'd be Mr. No, you'd be Smithers. Oh, God. I could see you in Mr. Smithers doing dances for burns and shit. I'm gay for Luke Hodge. And he's asked, have you ever tag teamed with Matthew Gregory Brown from Wholesome? This is for you, Marty, on a massive dairy cow. No, that's never really expressed an interest in my cow. Would you slam fuck killing fuck a cow with him? Like a hot cow. Like a fucking big brown one, eh? Big fat brown one, grass fed. No, I reckon he'd like the fucking dairy ones with the spots, the black spots. I'm going to say no, but pussy, you know, 4 am in the morning. Yeah, too many wines. Yeah, too many wines. Two cases deep. Yeah, couple of cups. A couple of valves. Straight cow out the front. Marty's there. He broke the fucking legs on her already. Come on, Marty. You do it. Jump on. I'll have a go for it for the boy. That's it. Fuck it to death. Here, the boy. Come on, please say yes. Just at least finger the thing. Yeah, of course he would. All right. Yeah, he definitely would. I'd be pretty confident I could get a fuck out of him. All right, next question is from Rory underscore Kiwi underscore 93. Oh, Marty, what would you do if you caught me fucking a cow? I'd relax my entire body and let my body float down a river and I would meditate as I slowly dissolve into sand. What a bore. That's pretty weird. What about, OK, he said, if you just had your way with it and then I'd had a go. Now, remember, you fucking normally hate him after. She should be cool with it. Yeah, if it's the same cow, then yeah, I would obviously be like, there's no attachment there. Like, I haven't really thought about it. It's probably half dead after you fucked it. Well, yeah, most of the time, yeah. And it'd just be a bit of a shame coming back after. Like, if he'd been because I always come back and have a look at him a bit, like, just to see the sight had been disturbed, though, that's probably the only thing where it'd be. I guess it'd look cooler because they'd be a lot of the time like rotting or yeah. But like, if I guess you'd be fine, yeah, he'd be fine with it. Yeah, but that is OK with me, mate. All right, last question is from Noah Jasek. What gives each of you blokes a tad bit of anxiety just to make you piss your pants a little? Health scares. Yeah, death, death's mine. Health scares, the only you get the weird shit starts happening in your body. Well, yeah, so fucking and we have not treated our bodies well at all. So it's like, it's always like, when's it going to happen? When's it coming, huh? When's that fucking when's that day? When's the news? Yeah, so you just try and have fun with the days you have before that news. Do you guys get a bit of anxiety from work, like doing social media? Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, because you've always got to fucking come up with the fucking next fucking fucking. It's a video every week. There's a, you know, there's a lot of. And like, and you got to step up some of the pain shit, especially with the website now. Like, I love it is it's fun. But fuck, trying to, there's going to be one day where you just snap the wrong bone and then fuck, you are, Steven. Yeah, fuck. You get too high. I get too high sometimes on the marijuana's. And I can just go so deep into my brain and I think about death. And then it's like, fuck, that gives me anxiety. That's to be honest. Cuckoo man, for you, I know. And that's question time. All right, next segment has been renamed in Elfish by Matt Brown, the researcher, researcher. And it has been renamed to. And this segment is just where we open up the PO box that you guys have sent through this week. All right, so this week, we hadn't been sent anything. So we've gone and pretended that we've been sent something. And oh, what's this wrapped in a little paper towel, like a little cylinder thing perfume spray, it says. I wonder can't be good for you to breathe in that. Yeah, I haven't read that. So that's. Hey, it's pretty like that. That's a spray that that's he's if he didn't know. Oh, God. I feel sick. Man, that is intense. I really they're really hags in the air, doesn't it? Oh, my God, dude, this is carcinogens. Fuck yeah, that's another one less day. We live because of that decision. Fuck, dad. Oh, my God, there's presents. There's presents in me. All right, that's the end of the PO box segment this week. Hello, hello, everyone. Get her wave at the screen, everyone. Hello, it's Marty Michael here. And we just want to let you know it's stunt time. Woo. Now this is mixed with science, too. So it's stunt with science time. You know, everyone says of Pepe gets in your nose, you sneeze. I call bullshit on that. Yeah, man, he calls bullshit on that. Fuck all fuckfest shit. Bullshit. All right, that's fuckfest shit. Don't be coming here saying you sneeze every time you fucking have pepper, you bitch. That's something out of the cartoons. You're a fucking bitch. I say cartoons, not real. 100 per 100 percent. All right, so we'll grind some pepper. And we'll fucking throw the play real hard against the wall. Imagine if I had secretly made my own prank video here and I'd replace the pepper with black tar heroin. Reddit has some really interesting comments about snorting black pepper, but we'll. Oh fuck off, now you're scaring me. I guess we'll wait until the end. No, that's pretty good. He's using Buddha to crush the pepper to snort. All right, here we go. He's going to prove, disprove that you'd have to sneeze when you inhale pepper. And he's leaning down. He's snorting. He's snorting. Oh, he's nailed the whole line as a romper. Let's see. Let's see. He's come up. Let's see what happens. All right, looks like we have got some ball shit science mixed with stunt. And that's what Stephen Hawking's couldn't do, because a cunt couldn't lift his arms. Wait, there's a sneeze coming on, maybe. Oh, shit. No, you fucking dicks. It's in my bag. Whoever writes that is shithead. Brain and belly. Whoever writes that is shithead. Whoever writes that is shithead. Well, a lot of people actually were saying side effects are snorting black pepper. Include pain, which you didn't resolve any pain. There's definitely some pouring out of his nose. There is a burning sensation there. Nasal bleeding. Then they go back to pain, then more blood, instant regret. Continuous bleeding and suicidal thoughts. You added that in. I shit you not there. Fuck off, how? There's going to be a rough night. Don't tell me stuff like that. That is fucking. Yeah, but you just proved it wrong. Oh, shit, yeah. There you go. Oh, fuck that, eh? Fuck that, all right. Now I'm more uncomfy. I'm more uncomfy. But fakes ain't uncomfortable. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Kids, don't snort pepper. All right, next and final segment brings us to next and next and next Conor, stop editing that. He was doing a remix on it. Now people are going to think that that's Conor editing that and not me doing that. He's doing tricks. They're going to think, oh, fucking Conor's fucking with the edit again. No, no, it's, um, no, no, it's, um, that's Conor editing that. Who are? Stop doing that Conor. People just want to get on with the show. They don't want to hear that solution. No, they see me moving too. Yeah, it's editing. He's because he's so good with the green screen shit that he's just done that. My throat hurts, man. Fucking throat hurts. It's all dry. I'm sippie-ling sad. Prank call time. Uh, segment has changed to well, mackerel, fish, like, mountain tube, which is an elfish song at the pubs. Oh, he's hurting now. Where's your a- It's getting worse and worse. We're going to put on a silent. This week, we're going to call good old Domino's. And while I'm talking to the Michael's going to say a word into his mic, it could be like a word like pretzel. And then I have to get the Domino's employee to say that word. Zilmia. G'day, mate. Um, is what suburb you guys in? Sorry? What suburb are you guys in? Domino's Zilmia. Zilmia. OK, great. I was just checking to see if I was calling the right one. Yeah. Um, can I just make a pickup order, please? Yeah, it's quite a big one. It's five pizzas. Is that is that just what's that? Is there a grocery store near you guys? It's like, is there a grocery store near you guys as well as I can? Is there an IGA near you guys? Yeah, I, uh, before the IGA. OK, sweet. Yeah, so for the first pizza, can I just get a large meatlovers, please? On a classic crust? Yeah, sure. Just give me a minute, just give me a minute. That's fine. No worries, mate. Hello. Hey, mate. What was my car park? Also, can you say the word car park? Sorry? Can you say the word car park? Yeah, we do have the car park. Car park, OK, sweet. Well, can I just get one large Hawaiian pizza? And can I get the stuffed crust on that one? Garlic bread. On a classic crust? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. And what sides do you guys have? Yeah, I really have the garlic bread, meatball, pizza bread, cheesy bread. Stem cell. All right, sweet. For the fourth pizza, can I please? Can I please get a? Oh, it's like the cheese and stuff all over it. I think they have they have stem cells. Do you guys have stem cells? Sorry? Stem cells? Do you guys have stem cell toppings? He's going to put the manager on this. Tom Mozenma, hello. You're good, mate. How are you going? They are there, so. So what is this? It's a barbecue meatloaf, Hawaiian and pepperoni. Yep. And the garlic bread on the side. Garlic bread on the side, yeah. Yep. And the pepperoni was with a stuffed crust pizza base. A cheesy crust, yeah? Cheesy crust, sorry. My correction. My correction. Do you guys have the stem cell toppings? Sorry? Do you guys have stem cell toppings? Oh, no, no. Can you just say that word, though? Sorry? Can you say stem cell? Stem cell? Yeah, yeah. All right, sweet. All right, so how many pizzas is that? For the fourth, I'll get the margarita, the cheesy. That's just the cheese one, isn't it? Steve. Margarita, that's how. You'll be getting tomato on the cheese. OK, sweet. I'll get one of them. And the steve. And also, do you guys have the steve? Sorry? The steve? So what's that? The steve. No, sorry, we don't know. Can you say it, though? Because I just I don't believe you unless you say it. Well, the steve, hello. Did you say it? Big sir? The steve. I want you to say the steve. Sorry, I'm not able to hear you. I said say the steve. Say this steve. S-T-I-F-F. S-T-I-F-F, say the steve. Yeah, there we go. All right, so the last ones, yeah, the margarita. And also, and just a 1.25 litre Pepsi with an abortion iced tea. What, what do you guys have abortion iced tea? No, no, no, no iced tea. What kind of iced tea don't you have, though? We don't have the iced tea. Yeah, which one specifically was I asking for, though? Abortion. Abortion, yes, correct. All right, sweet. Cancel that order. Actually, I don't want it anymore, but thank you. And we are arses, arsonhole. That was a good game, though, wasn't it? Oh, I like the steve point was hot. I thought it was a bit, though. I felt like I was creeping around a bit, like when I was, I thought they were like starting to get a bit scared because they kept saying the steve. Yeah, I like the way you said that. It was cute. I found it nice. Definitely, we are the best. We're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best, so on and so forth. The best forever.