 So, today we're going to talk about the importance of timing when dating because I have an interesting share with you all regarding my new relationship and most of you know I'm kind of in la-la land which honestly I don't think I've ever really experienced before so I'm kind of reveling in it and at the same time I'm processing it because our relationship almost didn't happen and for a number of different reasons and I thought it'd be important to share this because I also think that there's a lesson in this experience I've had so just to give you a recap you know I'm currently in a new relationship it's only about six weeks old and it happens to at the moment be long distance it started off with an email from her a year ago and she was contemplating moving to Los Angeles because she has children here and she happens she lives in Chicago and in the email this is a match.com email she wrote me and and I basically blew her off I mean I wrote back saying thank you no thank you I'm only interested I'm not interested in a long distance relationship and she wrote me back a really sweet sincere message and and I and I thought there was a lot of depth to it so I think I wrote her back and I said you know let's jump on the phone because she gave me an she gave me an argument not arguing but a reason why she you know has a good reason why she you know she might be in Los Angeles and one of the things she did say is she loved my profile she really appreciated the depth she also openly admit she likes the fact that I was six foot two and she was doing searches for over six feet tall so I she has her her vein or superficial parts to her as well anyway we got on the phone and if I'm being really honest with myself and I really didn't like our first phone call and and so I didn't bother following up and she followed up a week ten days later and I expressed to her I didn't like our phone call and partially because she she talked a lot about herself and she she talked a lot in stories and you know I'm in a business where I hear this all day long it's just like I didn't feel like we were connecting with one another so I told her this and what she said next surprised me she said I've heard this before I really appreciate you sharing this with me and we end up having a four and a half hour conversation and it was certainly better than our first one but I still didn't feel you know I didn't feel like we were truly engaging with each other okay so put that in a box in a second because you're probably going what does this have to do with timing well it's important to recognize that within timing sometimes we don't see the big picture yet because we're focused on the micro we're focused on the micro we're focused you know the not seeing the big picture and that's what was happening for me but we decided to become Facebook friends and we kept in touch for over a year text message here telephone called there there was something you know we would you know we'd message each other and say there's something about our profiles that we feel connected with one another and I felt that about her and she felt that about me so she decided to come visit she was visiting her daughter in Thanksgiving about six months later than when we first spoke and she and but you know intimated like wanting to get together and I said sure but I was in this very arrogant place and I think that COVID and being locked down I was very cocooned and I didn't want to put energy in something that you know didn't feel like it was going to go anywhere I didn't want to make new friends kind of feeling and so when she came here in November this was last year I kind of blew her off it was a little bit arrogant because you know I was working and she didn't couldn't come to me I was like she couldn't come to me I'm like why bother you know I was my attitude was why bother and and I acknowledge that that was an arrogance and kind of a selfishness from me but we but we still kept in touch you know we weren't able to meet in that point we sent each other happy Thanksgiving Merry Christmas she reached out about hearing about my father not doing well we kept in touch a little bit here a little bit there and we had a couple phone calls as well because we're both like oh my god the dating marketplace sucks and she was asking me advice about dating so we just kept this social acquaintance going on as she lived in Chicago she wasn't moving here I said look when you move here I'll engage with you so fast forward six months later I happen to have the opportunity to go to Chicago where she lives and most you know that and in that first meeting there was just there was just a sense of knowing just a different feeling that I've ever had it wasn't lust it wasn't limerence it wasn't over infatuation it was the sense of knowing and when I think back I always looked at her profile there was just something I kept saying there's something about her but I don't know what it is and so we had to meet to actually experience it and yet along the way I was putting up roadblocks because on some level the timing wasn't right for me if it wasn't right for me it wasn't right for her as well and I wonder how often do we do we you know reject people because that it's really not a reflection of a rejection but it's really a reflection of the timing I feel like there was still more work I needed to have I mean I'm now I can look back and connect the dots dots there was more work I needed to accomplish emotionally within myself to actually be ready for this person and so I do believe timing is a big deal from the perspective of new relationships I think you have to be at the right place at the right time to be able to connect with one another if you still have if you still have wounds and traumas that are still prevalent in your life if you still have anger towards a past relationship if you have this even arrogant strength streak that I had it's going to block us from love and so what happened is when we met I was more open than I'd ever been before I was able to get on a plane and and leave this environment this cocoon I created at during COVID and it just allowed me to be open and when we and I suspect she had been doing the same she had stuff going on in her life it's personal to her I don't want to share it publicly and she had to be in a space of being open so when we met our hearts were open we weren't following we weren't it wasn't just lust or limerence there was this sense of connection of knowing each other and this is now fortunately for us we weren't total strangers this is the hard piece in dating today is we're when we meet strangers you know the reality is is we don't feel safe we know very little about them it's hard to feel you know get a sense of trust with somebody and we spent a year building a little bit of film we built a little bit of a foundation so when we met it was like meeting a friend and in fact when I went out there I really we agreed we're just meeting his friends there wasn't an expectation of romance and that's another piece of the puzzle if we're expecting instant romance instead of just saying I'm meeting a friend it puts a lot of pressure to have this amazing first meeting mostly chemistry driven and then only to have it fade later because if it takes off like a rocket it's going to crash and while I feel like we are we took a rocket ship into space what feels like it's been a gentle ride up into space it isn't like shot like out of cannon although a rocket is much more powerful than a cannon but the idea is it's it's felt like it's gone at a great a nice pace because the timing coming back to the idea timing the timing has just felt synchronicity so what's the lesson on all this you know at the most important lesson she and I both said to ourselves we've said to each other is first just be your authentic self don't go in with any expectations and in a way we met with zero expectations or mostly very little expectations and at the same time because of that it's allowed to blossom instead of planting a seed and it waking up the next morning and expecting a tree we just simply plant instead of seed and we've been watering a little bit along the way and I think because of that watering because of that timing it's allowed this to grow into beyond the seedling into a little plant that has the opportunity with sunlight to grow even more and that's where we're at now in our relationship is the sun is now giving us that nourishment because we're operating from that place of radical honesty with one another which is simply means being vulnerable authentic and transparent with each other and also appreciating that you know what the timing was perfect even though it didn't start the first moment we met all right that's my personal share with everyone I'd love to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below yes I'm giddy right now and I my hope is that in my sharing of this experience it invites you it invites you to reach into your heart and really be more open and receptive to love because that's the that's what we needed for each other to be in that space of open and receptive to love to be able to actually be able to see one another and I really appreciated the timing to get there all right listen if you found value in this please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website jonathanasley.com have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm going to sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear a pillow and give itter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now bye