 J-E-L-L-O. The Jell-O program coming to you from Hollywood, California, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Good Night, Moonlight. The sweetest words of tongue or pen are, let's have that same dessert again. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, those are the happy words that every housewife loves to hear. Those are the words you do here whenever there's Jell-O for dessert. Because Jell-O is a dessert that folks like to see on the table just as often as possible. And no matter how often you serve Jell-O, it never wears out its welcome. One reason is Jell-O always looks so wonderfully good, with its bright colors reflecting all the rich beauty of fresh, sun-ripened fruit. And Jell-O always tastes so good, too, no matter which one of Jell-O's six delicious flavors you choose. There are the rich, tempting flavors that recall the season's first strawberries, raspberries, and cherries. Also Jell-O's grand citrus flavors, orange, lemon, and lime, all of them just as gloriously refreshing as the dewy, fresh fruit itself. So friends, order some Jell-O from your grocer tomorrow, and while you're about it, ask for several packages of those popular new Jell-O puddings. Jell-O chocolate pudding, Jell-O vanilla pudding, and Jell-O butterscotch pudding. They're really swell. Night played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that next week marks our final appearance on the air for this season. So tonight, we bring you our master of ceremonies who has one more Sunday to greet you. That's right, Don. One more broadcast. Yes, sir. And one more paycheck. Yipe! Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, here we are coming to the close of another season. Gosh, the months sure fly by, don't they? Yes, they do, Jack. They certainly do. You know, it doesn't seem possible that vacation time is so near. Just think, a couple of more weeks and I'll be on a boat bound for good old Honolulu. Honolulu, eh? Oh, that ought to be a grand trip. Have you ever been there before, Jack? Yes, Don, about ten years ago, but the grass skirts were much longer than them. I'll probably never recognize the old place. Gee, I can hardly wait to get on that beach at Waikiki. Oh, it must be gorgeous with that tropical scenery and everything. And I understand they have a couple of very lovely hotels right there on the ocean. That's right, the Royal Hawaiian and the Moana. Now, let me tell you something, Don. Those two hotels are tops. They're the last word in luxury. So I hear. Which one are you stopping at, Jack? Neither. You see, I've already made reservations at the Sweet Lelani Auto Court. It's a brand new, and it's just a short walk to the bus that takes you to the beach. Oh, it should be swell there, huh? The Sweet Lelani Auto Court, Jack, now you only take a vacation once a year. Why don't you live at the Royal Hawaiian? Well, I want to relax, Don. I want a place where I don't have to dress for dinner every night. But Jack, the Royal Hawaiian is a perfect place for relaxation. You don't have to dress for dinner unless you want to. Oh, well, Don, you see, the Sweet Lelani is American plan. That's the way I like to live when I travel. No fuss or inconvenience. But Jack, the Royal Hawaiian is American plan, too. Oh. Well, Don, as long as I'm going for a rest, I want a place that's small and intimate. But Jack. Oh. Now, forget it, Don. My mind's made up. Well, it's your vacation, so I guess you can live where you want to. By the way, what are the rates at the Sweet Lelani? It's $8 a day for the regular tourists and $5 for us beach boys. Oh, you can't beat it, huh? Say, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Say, Jack, if you're going to Honolulu, you ought to buy a new bathing suit. Why? What's wrong with the bathing suit I have now? Well, for one thing, it's got long pants. Mary, my trunks only go to the knees. Not when they're wet. Never mind. Don't make things up. Well, Jack, if Mary's talking about that suit you wear around your swimming pool, it is a little old-fashioned. Old-fashioned? Yeah, you ought to rip that Coney Island off the back. You're in the West now. Mary, I like that suit, and it's not old-fashioned. I got it only a year ago in my father's store in Waukegan. Well, it must have been under something that wasn't selling. I'd like to see something in that store that dad couldn't get rid of. You know, my father has a slogan. If it don't sell in a year, I'll wrap it up and we'll dick her later. He's some salesman. I know. When we were in Waukegan last June, he told me I had a figure like Dorothy Lamour. Oh, he was kidding, Don. He was not. He sold me a sarong. There you are. That's dad for you. You think that's something? He sold me a sailor suit. A sailor suit? I don't find a sailor. It's a total loss. Well, that's rich. So dad finally got rid of it, eh? Say, Mary, come to think of it. I'd like to borrow that outfit. I can wear it on the boat to Honolulu. Are you going by boat? I thought you're going to swim. Now, cut that out. I'm going on the Loreline and it's a great big ocean liner. Oh, you know, Jack, I envy you that trip to Honolulu. Are you going to stay there all summer? I'd like to, Don, but I have to be back by the end of July to start my new picture. Oh, that's right. That's the one you're going to make with Fred Allen, isn't it? That's what Paramount thought, but I straighten that out. I spoke to Mark Sandwich, the director, and Mr. Allen has been eliminated from the cast. In the first place, how would they ever photograph that face of his? What's the matter with his face? I could talk for an hour on that. Why, do you know, Don, when we were in New York last month, the bags under Allen's eyes looked at Phil Harris' and said, my son, my son. Anyway, I put my foot down and Mr. Allen will not appear in my vehicle. Well, that's news to me. Hey, Jack, who's going to be your leading lady? Only lovely, beautiful Mary Martin. That's all. Mary Martin? Why isn't that the girl that used to sing My Heart Belongs to Daddy? Yep, that's her. Is she going to sing it in your picture? I don't know. It's a kind of an old song. Well, you're an old daddy reviving. Mary, just let me worry about my picture and everything will be all right. Oh, hello, Philzy. Hiya, Jackson. I hear you're getting ready for that big vacation in a couple of weeks. Yes, sir. Where are you going this summer, Phil? Oh, I don't know. I haven't made up my mind yet. Why don't you go to Honolulu and see Jack's bathing suit? Oh, why? Have you ever been to Honolulu, Phil? No, but I sure wish I could go. Oh, boy, how I'd like to sit on the beach in the moonlight with a couple of those cute little papayas in my arms. Cute little what? Papayas. You know, girls. Dames. Papayas? Sure. Don't you speak Honolulian? Honolulian? Phil, in the Hawaiian language, a papaya is a melon. A girl is called Awani. Oh, Jack, you're wrong about that. Awani is the name of the hotel we stopped at in Yosemite. Oh, oh, yes, yes. A Hawaiian girl is a wahini. Oh, that's right. That's the word. So, you see, Phil, what you really mean is you'd like to be on the beach in the moonlight with a couple of wahini. Let it go. I'll get some local stuff. That's the idea, Phil, and I know your technique. You drive down the boulevard in that flashy car of yours, and da, da, da, da. Can I give you a lift, honey? That's you. By the way, does your guitar player still sit in the rumble seat with a lasso? Does he? Now, wait a minute. Don't mention that dumbbell. He wrote the cop yesterday. Wrote the cop? Yeah, what a nitwit. I told him a million times. Anything in blue lay off. Oh, he's nearsighted, eh? Yeah. I should have known that. He hasn't hit the strings on his guitar in eight weeks. Well, Phil, so much for your private life. And now, in as much as there are millions of people listening in that are just dying to hear one of your numbers, how about playing something? I'll be only too happy to act with us. Oh, my goodness. He got it right. Play, Junior, and go to the head of the class. I ought to get more dope with them big words. Hit it, boys. Because your guess is as good as mine, played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. Oh, say, Phil, before I forget it, when I leave for Honolulu the week after next, I wish you'd bring your entire band down to the boat and play Aloha for me. You know, give me a real send-off. Well, that Aloha's a pretty tricky number. I don't know if we'll have time to learn it. All right. Play Tiger Rag, but be at the boat. Now, let's see. Oh, yes, Don. Yes, Jack. I want you down there to cheer and wave and holler Bon Voyage to me. And Mary, Mary, you bring a lot of confetti and throw it at me. You understand? Yeah. What about Dennis Day? What's he going to do? I got him down for a basket of fruit. You know, an apple and a banana and three or four bottles of champagne. And this is very important. I want all of you to be there early. Well, come to think about it, Jack. I may not be able to make it. You be there, Don. I want everybody on that boat to know how much my gang thinks of me. I'll bring an onion so I can cry. It won't be necessary. Now, look, fellas, I want you to remember one thing. On the dock before I leave, I want you all to cheer and be happy. But as the boat is pulling out, I want those cheers to gradually taper off as you realize that you won't see me again for four weeks. So your mood suddenly changes from gaiety to sadness. Do you get it? Yeah. What time is rehearsal? There'll be no rehearsal. I want it to be sincere. And by the way, Don, do you think I ought to take along some jello with me? You know, I'll be gone for quite a while. Oh, no, Jack. Jello's an established dessert in the Hawaiian Islands. It is? Why, certainly. And that reminds me, carnies and wahinis, the next time you're in the mood for attempting and appetizing Nakawakia, why not run down to your neighborhood, Halakui, and ask him for a package of jelloa? That must be jello. You will find that it's not only economical and easy to humor cow-cow. Easy to humor cow-cow? That's a pit. But it comes in six delicious flavors. So insist on genuine jelloa and always look for the big red letters on the humor, humor, nuka, nuka, kuma, mowa, pow. Why, Don, does that long word mean box? Cakua. Well, that's the best plug-ola we've had this year. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we leave the beautiful Hawaiian Islands and went our way back across the broad Pacific to Sunset and Vine. Ah, what a trip. Say, Jackson, I just happen to think of something. Oh, fine. What is it? If you're going to take a vacation this summer, how are you going to make that picture with Fred Allen? Phil, I explained that before you came in. I'm not starting that picture before the end of July and Mr. Allen is not going to be in it. I had him scuttled. Well, I heard his program Wednesday night and he said to write. I don't care what he said. And incidentally, Phil, you know my rule. That'll cost you $5 for listening to Allen's broadcast. You want to pay me now or shall I deduct it? You wouldn't dare dock me, brother. I wouldn't, eh? Well, if your paycheck isn't $5 light this week, may I be under the shower when the pot of gold calls. And take your fine like a man. Fine, fine, rules, rules. I never saw a guy like you. What's your complaint? $5 fine if you listen to Allen's program. $2 fine if we're late for our show. Well? I got one more last than you did last Sunday and you docked me $7.50. Well, you got that big laugh at my expense. When I happened to mention that my fortune teller, Madam Zuzu, predicted that I'd win the Academy Award next year, you said she ought to be rated. Nice talk. Well, they closed her up, didn't they? That's just a coincidence. Madam Zuzu has no phony. Well, if she's so good, why didn't she look in her crystal ball and see the police coming? Phil, go down to the clink and ask her. Don't bother me. And another thing, Harris, for trying to corner me, it's gonna cost you another $5. So hand it over. I think that's awful, don't you, Phil? Well, I don't mind paying the fine so much, but I hate to see all that dough go out of circulation. Oh. So now you're getting wise, eh? Trying to be comical, eh? That's stupid. Yes, please. Oh, hello, Dennis. Well, you're, uh, you're a little late tonight, aren't you? I'll have to owe it to you. I'm broke. That's all right, Dennis. Forget it. You're a nice kid and I won't take advantage of you. I'll tell you what you can do, though. When I sail for Honolulu, you can bring me a big basket of fruit. A basket of fruit? Yes. After all, you can't come down to the boat empty-handed. Why not? Read your contract. Now, wait a minute, Mary. If Dennis thinks the world of me and wants to bring me a big basket of fruit with a couple of bottles of champagne in it, that's his business. Champagne? What's going on here? All right, Dennis, settle down. And now that you're here, may we have our usual delightful tenor solo? Sure, but isn't Mr. Harris going to play a band number first? Dennis, if you'd have been here on time, you'd realize that Mr. Harris and his boys have already barbecued a selection. So now, it's your turn. Okay. Sing, Dennis. Gee, champagne. Dennis. I was better off when I was jerking sodas. Dennis, sing. After all I've done for that kid, he begrudges me a bottle of champagne. Say, I love you, the same old, I love you. They whisper in stories and plays. You can change, I love you, that same old, I love you. Oh, such a hand. The same old, I love you. You can change, I love you, the same old, I love you. Oh, such a gently and then. Over and over again. Say it, sung by Dennis Day. And Dennis, that's a beautiful number, really lovely. By the way, that's from some picture, isn't it? Yeah, that's from Book Fenty Rides again. Oh, oh, it is. Well, well, it's a grand song. I was going to sing Playmates, but you made me change it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight. You remember, we were out in the lobby and you told me. Dennis. And tonight, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction, scram kid, for our feature attraction, the Benny jokes like mother used to make players, will present their version of the Los Angeles telephone directory. A murder mystery entitled Number, Please, or it wasn't the switchboard that was plugged. Now, in this thrilling drama, I will play the part of Oxford 7071, who is madly in love with Hollywood 2734. So she leaves her husband, West Los Angeles 33022 Jr. But, but her husband doesn't mind because he's secretly in love with a blonde Burbank unlisted number. Catch on. Now, in this drama, oh, who can that be? Well, it's Andy Devine. Come on in, Andy. It's nice to see you again, Andy. You don't get into Hollywood as often as you used to. Oh, it's getting too city-fied, Buck. When I drive down Vine Street in my horse and buggy, everybody stares at me. Oh, still driving the old nag, eh? Can you imagine that, Mary? Andy drives into town in a horse and buggy. He ought to be up to date and get a Maxwell 840. 840, 840. See you're cute tonight. And another thing... Always goes... And another thing, Buck, when they built this NBC studio, they forgot to put a hitch in post out in front. There ain't no place to tie my horse. Well, just hitch it to a song-clugger. There are plenty of them standing around. Andy, Andy, how did you happen to drop in today, anyway? Well, Buck, you only got one more broadcast to do, so I come over to see if I could handle the summer show. The summer show? Well, Andy, what could you do with this program? Well, I could take your place as MC. Uh-huh. My hired man could be Don Wilson, and Ma could be Mary. Well, who could you get to be Phil Harris? Pa, he'll drink anything. Oh, well, that'll help. Of course, your Pa don't look like Phil. Well, we could curl his hair if we can get the birds out of it. I know Andy, but can he handle the job? I mean, does he know anything about music? Not a thing, Buck. That's sentences. Yup, he's your man. Why do I do it? Why do I stand for all these insults? Because you can't get a job anywhere else, now go sit down. Well, I'll tell you, Andy, I'd love to give you and your folks a chance at this program, but everything is pretty well set. You see, the Aldrich family is taking over the show for the summer. They are? Yup. And no chance for the Divine Family, huh? No, I'm sorry, Andy. Well, I better run home and tell Pa before he takes that bath. Yes, I would. Well, so long, Andy. So long, Buck. Oh, by the way, there's an old friend of yours in town. Did you see him? An old friend? Who? Fred Allen. Fred Allen? Fred Allen's in town? Sure, I just saw him go into the Brown Derby. Oh, it must have been Bull Montana. It couldn't have been Allen. Jack, that's what we've been trying to tell you. It's been in all the papers. Do you mean that... Certainly, Allen's out here to make that picture with you and he's gonna be in it whether you like it or not. Oh, he is, eh? Mary, get me Mark Sandwich on the phone. It's Hollywood 2411. Okay. I'll straighten this thing up. Well, so long, Buck. I hope I didn't start any trouble. Don't worry, Andy. I'll handle it. So long. Allen, I'm gonna have that guy kicked right out of California. Oh, Jack, stop acting like a kid. Is it gonna kill you to make a picture with Allen? Don, that's a fate worse than death. Believe me. Be reasonable, Jackson. The guy came all the way out here. What's he gonna do all summer? Let him get a tan over that jaundice of his. What do I care? In the first place, he has no... Hello? Mr. Mark Sandwich, please. I'd like to make a picture just once for I don't have to go through a lot of aggravation. Hello, Mr. Sandwich? Jack Benny is calling. No, Jack Benny. Benny. Spell it for him. It begins with a B. B-E-N. Give me that phone. Hello? Hello, Mr. Sandwich. This is Jack Benny, the star of Man About Town, and Buck Benny rides again. Why don't you mention some of those stinkers you made? Never mind. Now, look, Mr. Sandwich, I thought I made it clear that I will not make a picture with Fred Allen. I don't care if he has got a contract. Care it up. No, his. Look, Mr. Sandwich, the guy has no class. He's a low comedian. I can't afford to be in a picture with him. Tell him you'll quit. I quit. Marry. Now, look, Mr. Sandwich, if you think I'm going to... But... I know, but... I know, but... I know, but... Say, Don, are you going home right after the broadcast? Yes, I was planning to. Why? I know, but... Well, I was wondering if you'd give me a lift. You go right by my house. I'll be glad to, Mary. I know, but... But, say, Dennis, are you coming over to Wilshire Bowl tonight? Well, I was going to, Mr. Harris, but I haven't got a date. Come over anyway, kid. I'll get a cute girl for you. I know, but... Get one for me too, Phil. I know, but... Well, look, Mr. Sandwich, we might as well get this straightened out right now. I am not going to make a picture with Fred Allen. You can't team a horse with a jackass. Oh, yeah! Play that again. Oh, yeah! You got your encore hang up. Well, we'll talk this over later, Mr. Sandwich. Goodbye. Well, that's that. Now, there's just one more thing to settle. Say, Don, where did Andy say he saw Fred Allen? Going into the Brown Derby. Oh, the Brown Derby, eh? Well, as soon as we're through, I'm going to stroll over there and give that wise guy a good talking to. Say, Phil, come along with me and bring your boys, I'll treat them to a sandwich. You come too, Mary. Here are two things, ladies and gentlemen, that go together just as naturally as an eye can fork. Fresh ripe strawberries and rich, delicious jello. Yes, sir, and you'll find they blend especially well in the newest jello creation called Jello Strawberry Tarts. This novel dessert is crammed full of delightful goodness, and you can make it in practically no time at all. All you have to do is first take a package of jello using any flavor you prefer and make it up as you usually do. Next pour it over sweet and fresh strawberries and chill until slightly thickened. Then turn into cold baked tart shells and chill until firm. And their friends are something mighty swell, a first-rate treat that looks grand and tastes even grander. So tomorrow serve the family this new and distinctive dessert, Jello Strawberry Tarts, a gay tempting combination of plump, juicy ripe fresh strawberries and rich thrilling flavor of jello. This is the last number of the 36th program in the current Jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have a very important announcement to make. The destruction in Europe has stricken millions of innocent civilians. In this, there are of need. The American Red Cross is rushing help at once in your name. Won't you give just as much as you can to the Red Cross Relief Fund? Give immediately through your local Red Cross chapter. Thank you, Don. Good night, folks. J.E.F.F.O. This is a nice little broadcasting company.