 Matter if you use lubricant it's a cat So just don't do that Are we live man? Yeah, Michael just woke up. Welcome to episode number six of the Marty and Michael podcast. It's fully actual. It's actually full Ho ho ho Fucking hell. What a fucking day to be alive. It's raining. I broke a pool cue on Michael's fucking back today And he had a tennis ball at me with thumbtacks glued it on it went back to our roots. We did a video Yeah for the social media and for the website obviously we can't put the pool cue shit on the social media And like I know what upsets people we can't put that on but like literally How many times we've done the pool cue stunt on film twice and they get It's the rules so well like I'd love to show them to you guys, but we just can't okay But we got some cool shit for the social media cut anyway What else we've been doing we fucking filmed nitro circus last week. Oh my god fucking me They had a huge fuck off a ramp 15 foot Fucking dad three foot added on to it So it was an extra big mega and then like a hundred meters Driveway and then we just go on a trike and then you just fucking hang on because there's no brakes on the trike Once you start that's it. You can't bail out So you get a lot of speed and then up a tish-nish-nish near and then straight up into this big bag count What happens if you bail out you just you'd fucking you'd fuck yourself up Yeah, you can't you'd run into the the side or something. You'd really fuck yourself Would you do it Matt if you were there? Oh, I'd have to assess it have to sense it It had a concrete driveway you could do a Julian didn't just say that you would definitely do it over and over and over again Fucking Julian's talk-to-talk isn't he he's he loves a good talk He hasn't yet to see the walk yet Julian. All right, man. If there was a scooter there I would it there was a scooter there. All right Yeah, well that was a fucking fun day that was um four elements bullshit Yeah, um and fucking what else we've been doing. Hey shout out with the pool cue because you guys have been accused of not actually Doing it properly, but you guys have literally broken a Michael used to go go out and fucking Dudes had come up to me and he'd just let them break random pool cues on it. Yeah, do you remember that everyone? Accuses of cutting it slightly so would break easy. No, I do for we literally bought it yesterday The key to a good pool cue break is you've got to commit with the full 100% swing hard It's the first time today that I've ever done it to Michael I've normally gotten strangers to do it to me and and Michael's done it to me a few times And yeah, because if you fucking miss there's a sweet spot on the arm that you got aimed for if you too high Hits his neck. He's dead too low hits his elbow broken arm. Oh if that got the bone. Yeah, you're fucked I'd probably prefer the next swing hard You go hard and then it just shatters into a million pieces You're gonna fucking bruise on your arm though. Show them if you can. Here we go. Watch him He has to take his jumper off now and he's in undies. Let's see if I can give him a bit of a feel while he's doing Roll it up that way see if I can get a little touch there Oh Here it is. No, you need to pull it down a little bit further nearly there I understand this is quite difficult for you but people want to see it. I don't have a feel if I felt like See it go to the website By the way, this fucking podcast is sponsored by the University of Michael Go there support us please. Yeah, look this is the University of Michael It's our subscription website. It's where we post all that uncensored shit that would get taken down from social media Um, it's there's so many fucking there's so much shit on there now. We got a discord You can join there's the facebook group where you can chat to us. We do our monthly q&a's It's a fucking it's pretty good. It's a pretty good. It's only one day's free by the way So if you want to go and have a look I was on the discord last night And I must say we have some fucking rad ringworms there They were all getting into the clangs and the clongs and the clays and fuck everyone understands the gibberish Yeah, they understand the language. I like it. This all podcast is also sponsored by Manscaped do you want to shave your testicles? So they're so smooth that you could put them in a girl and she would think that they're subpoenas Well, then you're in luck because Manscaped has this where you can shave your balls so smooth that the it even shaves the skin off No Oh, it doesn't shave the skin off. It's it's like it's completely safe. It's completely safe. You can just Done your balls are completely fucking clean use our discount code Fully actual and you get 20 off So if you're gonna buy some if you're in need of a new shaver or some some of this shit here Anyway, just use our discount code because it's very good quality and then you're saving money think the environment So michael's just demonstrating how to use the crop mop which is a little damp towel That you can use to wipe your balls and now he's using that same towel to wipe his mouth and face And he's licking it too. So there you go. Just just just go just goes to show How much we trust their products right fucking good stuff. I've used it a couple times now Haven't cut myself. It's so good having bats when you've got shaved balls Is much funner do they get itchy when the hair starts going back a little bit, but that's why you shave it again I think the first time you do it. Yeah, but I've been doing for you. Yeah, because I just trim the balls I've always been too scared to go at it, but you know what it's time Dude, haven't you used it yet? I've used it on on other things. Just not my balls I've just I just shave it was designed for the balls. This is like I'm a huge fan. I fucking love it. Thank you Also, they got manscape. I've got this little shaver with an even extra fine shave if you need it Well, there you go everyone Just head to their website manscape.com and then just look at all this shit They got heaps of cool shit and they sponsor the ufc even the ufc fighters You see and this podcast so it's like the same level same level, you know what I mean? Anyway, that's the fucking fucks this week. It's good to see a lot of people signing up the website. So well done guys Yeah, we're getting some good sign ups. Did you guys see we got another episode? Oh, when you're right now as you're listening to this The newest episode of our series came out yesterday And it's the one where she breaks her rib. All right, the rugby union one I'm scared that like because it hasn't been edited yet Right now while I'm talking and I'm scared that I'm gonna look like a massive pussy during it Because there's not that many hits big hits, you know, and then after he breaks his rib. I just fully bitch out It's fucking terrifying. If you see someone get broken. You don't want to step in It's hard to go second when that happens, you know Oh Michael's taking over as the new fart. I still thought I don't know what the fuck you didn't even do one All last week. Yeah, dude. I like I don't know what the fuck it is. They've stopped ever since the stress Blood pressure. What the fuck is happening? It's like It must be the meat. Why are you wearing that? Who? this I thought it looked really cool I'm wearing a white cap and Michael said why are you wearing that? I'm just picturing Marty going to his doctor and saying I can't fart anymore Yeah, what do I need to include in my yeah, there's beans. They don't eat. Fuck loads of beans. They don't do anything It's bullshit. All right. It's bullshit. I need some meat I need to make Tuesdays my meat day And then just fucking play this recorder. Don't worry. It'll happen guys. All right We we got like another 34 episodes this fucking season to get it done. We're gonna do it On these days are fucked No I think you'd accidentally put in one of your diary entries. You must have accidentally like copied and pasted from your From your work diary Into the on these days. Are you sure? I don't know. Well, it's weird. You tell me after I read it. Okay Anyway On these days guys, so on this day in history something happened It's crazy Matt does his research and this is what's happened. This is all factual This is 100 legit. Remember? Yeah, you did do that on this day in 1994 Gordon Ramsay received public backlash for a new dish at his restaurant It involved evenly spreading an inch thick layer of hot English mustard on a newborn baby's face Then shallow frying the face for two minutes Then Gordon would remove the mustard and it ends up being a crispy mustard shell and soaks up a lot of the flavors from the Baby's skin Meat is then served in the mustard shell The same baby can be used for multiple mustard servings before needing medical attention And when asked for comment, Gordon simply replied, I'll stab you to death if you don't leave Wow, that sounds like it's be all right Is the baby dead? Well, no, it's living and I guess the the mustard thickness protects its face for long but That sounds like some Jeffrey Epstein fucking sacrifice. That was his favorite dish. No, that's not the big difference between fucking kids and cooking them Yeah, it's true We're cooking on them or with them because it's not even you're not even eating the baby And I guess it's sort of like cooking and like a guarantee. He'd pay those babies big bucks to do that You know, it's like and they're still alive. Yeah. Yeah 100 like they might I'm all for it then Honestly people are so sensitive these days Um On this day in 2005 Miley Cyrus admitted that her song Wrecking Ball is about the time she tore through a child care center on a horse After feeding the horse a meth sandwich The horse entered the center during a panic attack and trampled 16 toddlers The tender skulls being caved in like soft cardboard pinatas Miley said she never forgot the incident and wrote the song Wrecking Ball the next day She should go to It's like you can visualize the horse Did she get in trouble? She was riding the horse. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I guess the horse is responsible for its own actions You eat a meth sandwich something's gonna go wrong. You know what I mean? We've all been there It's my new laugh Oh On this day in 2009 diary entry number 1245 from Matthew Gregory Brown She still won't acknowledge me her smooth skin and soft lips What I would give just to run my fingers through her pubic hair Yesterday I followed her home. She became nervous which excited me She even turned to look at who was following her and as her eyes met this energy course through my body and I quickened my pace I was disheartened as I heard her call her parents and announced that she was scared Foiled I quickly sunk back into the shadows and tried to calm myself I was so erect. It was painful I must regroup I must try again I must have her Matt that's fucked, but I I like it I like it. I don't know about the parents Yeah, um, oh somebody sent me some fucking barbie doll photos Go back to last week. He's fucking relapsed. He's had a fucking relapse count. Oh, I can love these fucking bars It was weird. It was like six barbie dolls together all like no clothes on So nudes I wonder if instagram would remove that as well naked dolls Or these days they fucking would It's time for questions Mamma Mia Girl again My my just how much I've missed her. Oh, should we by the way? So this is a quick recap of what we're going to be doing this episode The hunt we have some good and bad news about the hunt. Um, we're probably gonna have to change the goal Um, but so it'll just be a quick hunt this week. And then we've got fucking we got PR with boxing We've fucking we got some shit sent to us We've got the fucking german segment and we've got the fucking prank call. All right What about crime stories and crime stories? Yeah, and we've got some fucking crime stories. Okay, cool Let us begin with the questions All right question one is from Reuben mate Um, Marty, when do you think you run for prime minister? And michael how long has it been since you wear shoes? Oh, I haven't really considered running for prime minister, but maybe in my older years I might have a change of heart and do it. I don't know, you know I haven't really had a much of an interest in polar tics Um, I don't I don't really um wear shoes Yeah, um, it would have been last week this time last week when you went to toka. You were yeah If I play sport I wear shoes if I go to fancy places I out and about and when you have showers he wears shoes He hates getting his tattoos. Yeah, I don't want tinny. Uh my like a shit on that floor Yeah, so he's well, you know, that's that's why he got the shoes tattered on his feet Because he's always barefoot and his feet looked like fucked as a result Now I can go to cafes or local shops and I don't have to wear shoes in the security guard doesn't annoy me And the people at the cafe are very friendly and let me be It's cute. So that's That's how you that's a good result my friend. So 12 hours at agony life fucking scarred feet Whatever man, it covers up all of the blemishes on your fucking claws as well We did say that tonal. Yeah, it's growing that tonal like a Stanley knife the same angle as a Stanley knife Same sharpness. Can you see it Matt? Yeah, your rifle looks all right, but your left foot's fucked. Yeah It's like yin and yang good and even and they balance each other out really Not good. I've seen him. Um Yeah, it's not good. It's disgusting. Next question is from mysterious boatman 789 Um, have you ever been to the uk? If so, what's the wildest experience you've had whilst there? I think I know this story. I've told it before it may involve you on a bar Yeah, we've been to the uk before man. We fucking fucking loved that place Yeah, we we we went to london spent a fair bit of time in london didn't we get that's where we first We first had the white lines. Yeah, we first Was good old london man, it's so good the first time is the story i'm referring to you can't beat it You chase it for the rest of your life, but you can't get it. There's a story i'm referring to where you hand stand on the wall and Oh, yeah, that was one of many stories that we did some crazy shit while we were there michael Came on his face. Yeah that one. Oh, yeah, and walked around a bar with his own jizz on his face for a while I ate my shit the first day we got there, ate his shit I did um Nearly a whole bottle of vodka shots for breakfast one way. Yeah, I think what for 50 euros Who's the 50 i don't think it was for money at all was it you got so drunk Oh god, so and i was eating chips as chasers in between That poor backpackers we were oh man staying at shitty hostels Jizzing on our own faces eating shit and drinking. Yeah, did you eat shit in the hostel first day They were we've told this story. Yeah, but was it fun about the hostel people? Yeah. Yeah, it was in the room It was all bunk beds. Everyone was like what the fuck's wrong with this kid Imagine being an 18 year old kid. You've flown to london. You're on the travel of your dreams and such a delicate Hostel with the fucking michael eating shit. Yeah, it's such a delicate bite It was I remember it well in his hands and then he peeled his lips back Well, yeah, it was a big Yes, very good. Anyway, we don't do that anymore lots of fun things happened in the yeah, UK is good I'm trying to think of another thing that happened But it's all blank. It's all a big blur because we were fucked a whole Oh This guy's fucking crazy, man. Next question is from jasper rinink. Um, what are your thoughts on new zealand? It looks really nice. I really would like to go there. Yeah, same. It looks fucking cool Or the I know so, you know some good friend a guy used to live with Dave. He's from new zealand fucking legend They filmed lord of the rings there. Yeah And there's yeah, that's actual that's where like that's where it all began. Lord of the ring is true story I they've just got he said you can go snowboarding you can go down those big balls You can go skydiving jumping. I don't get the only thing I don't get is why they all come over here Because apparently that's a thing because they all want to come to australia Well, I would think that because our dollar is better and they can earn more. Yeah, but not that much better And like new zealand's got some pretty cool. Shit. I'd love to live there apart from the fucking the earth's always shaking around and fucking Shit up man. Like this. Oh, yeah, they had a little episode quakes there I thought no, they were just all having tantrums. Maybe maybe that's what triggers it Maybe something to research. I'll have to check it out Yeah, no you something smells in here Mmm, no, I can't so I've been able to smell since my nose got caved through my fucking skull Can't it's not the package we got is it? No, no, it's probably there. Yeah, that smells No, it smells off. It's probably from when you wiped your feet testicles and then wiped your face Might be it next question is from addison lead 49. I know that guy um Now a few people like this and I wasn't sure where it's coming from. So maybe you guys can clear it up But um, could you please do a video on the main channel where you do some cooking? Yeah, I don't know why that's No suggestions a lot lately people asking in the in our University group like who's the better cork and wants to do a cooking episode. Maybe we should just fucking do it We should just fucking we should just fucking What could we do? Cooking with kettles. They're not referring to the time you cooked like the vomelet Because that was fucked. Yeah Cooking's fucking boring. Let's be honest. It's so fucking shit I Fuck I tried it for a bit. I'm over it. I never ever fucking doing it again I was just like doing the dishes and shit after like even throws them in the bin you come here And there's no fucking cutlery anywhere and then you say michael, where's a fork? Throw it out because you couldn't be fucking watching it Well, it's just because it piles up. Yeah, so you wash it as soon as you use it Yeah, it's easy to clean but I didn't so it piled up and then it was overwhelming for me Yeah, so you threw it out. Yeah, I get it. Okay Hey next question is from beer bows beer balls. Be boss. Um, are you guys wait? Okay, I'm not gonna touch I touched for a reason is there shit on it I'll tell you why I touched I knew straight away that no sounds were possible Why because I was this fucking close to your asshole and nothing was happening So then I was like fuck it. I've got it. I lashed out and I wanted to get it in Make those decisions on your own Dude, you're gonna have it wasn't a good one. Okay, it was just a little fucking chew on I need one of my good ones. God. I really pushed hard Oh Yeah, I really uh, it was there's a lot of pressure. I didn't have much time to react I got so sad as soon as I knew straight away that it wasn't gonna work because I was this close You need to back up into it and just let it feel it's not gonna go in It's not going in No, it's just touching on the on the edge It will ruin the surface tension that I have okay. I have a very specific amount of tension on the asshole It cannot be touched. I can see that I can see that because there has to be a certain sort of width apart If you touch a press air will come out of one spot in the wrong way pop him You might pop him if there's a small slit of air and you put pressure on one side More air will come out that one. It's like a balloon. Think about it So I just need a good long one and we need to be patient, but we can't go shoving recorders up my ass I got scared. I wanted it. I wanted the sound We need to trust each other during this and we cannot rush the process Okay, I promise I will never touch the end. I can't fucking believe you man, but We're gonna have to come up with a new fucking theory or a new way of doing it Because it's not gonna work the way we think it is. What about one of those party things? You know those party can we add a Can we add an extra tube to the top where he can fart into the tube and I'll do that If you you're gonna have to learn how to find your bum hole What if we just tape the recorder here on it's onto the table and you back up and do it That is not a bad idea. It's hard to see. It's hard to see that. It's it's like it's gonna be easy with your hand That you go because I need both hands free to yeah, but then we'll also It'll allow him because you know he gets up in a mad rush the next mad rush bit Well, he has to push up against it. I could guide it with my eyes The mori down the mori forward mori sits on the recorder like he's sitting on a dildo I just sunk right back into it. No, it went into me this far and then shit just came out of the little holes Now the ends. Oh man. I'd pay money to see that Anyway, next question. Oh god Um, next question is from beer boz Um, are you are you guys sure that matt brown isn't really a hologram or some shit? Yeah, we already proved this. He clapped and we got him on and we touched him. That's proof been done Next question Um, next question is from lake mcbogan. Oh, this is for me as well. Sorry um This is directly and only for matt brown We sign up to the university of markle by the end of next week or get a university of markle tattoo around your nipple Yeah matt, what's the go you must choose one? What's the go bro? huh Would you If we gave so many good videos that you've missed out on if we came to you for concrete, would you give us free concrete? No That's so true. What if I did? I don't want fucking concrete. Well, then don't come to me for concrete We have to go to we have to support our friend because that's what we do But we need concrete if we need concrete will come to you Exactly We will come to you. We weren't oh wait. Hang on you guys. No Before I worked in concrete. I worked at a video shop. It was a lot of fun and I had a good time also done photography not once that I asked for money or I gave you guys videos for free because that's what friends do and that is the standard I don't know. This is tough. I'm gonna have to meditate. You're gonna have to google it. Just google it Show us it's like Well, give us something else. Oh, I'm working in my underwear. What more do you want? Give me something? I want to like a I don't know show me your ass. I want to see your asshole. No, no, just the ass. No, there's too much too fast I'm not that type of girl. You can't scare him off. You gotta you gotta play hard to get a little bit Just the ass. I'm boring just seeing cheap. It's better than nothing I'm feeling quite sexy in these Ones that soak up your Sweat and stuff. All right, well, let's see the allow one little squeeze Oh, we can grab you just a little squeeze. That's it And you can't go to I'm looking at you, Michael. You cannot go too far I'm sensing a very excited energy coming from you, Michael. You have to you can't ruin this like you did the recorder No, you're too fucking excited I won't get him off. I won't Please man. I'm sorry. I promise. I'll come down Oh, I'm seeing fucking fairies. Yeah, imagine fucking straining like that every time you fart All right, just a little one nothing else I'll just I'll back into the shot slightly no one's gonna see my face Don't go too far. I won't don't ruin this I understand I'll go first. Very firm and yes, you're right. It's sucked up all the dampeness that there usually is Michael couldn't help himself Oh my god, what the fuck is this? Oh, it must smell It's hot. I'm sweating in here. You have no fucking air con. Yeah, no It's actually this is a cooler day. That's why I gotta jump on it. It's happening to this podcast. Thank you. Thank you, men Skate ball wiping recorders in arses Next question is from sam warner. Jesus um What type of moments are the ones you cut out of the podcast? I feel really intrigued by missing that part of content Yeah, that's a good question. I assume it's marty screaming and Michael saying some questionable shit in a hilarious way Uh, yeah, usually it's shit that we think it's probably too Fucked up to to put out like things that might offend people too much or it's michael's attempts at reading shit Or um, what else what else gets cut um Just when there's like long breaks. Yeah when it's boring or if it's like a question shit We'll cut it if it's like if it's just something is something shit or just it's it's nothing special He's aren't missing out on much. Look, there's some good shit. There's probably some good shit that gets cut out But it's quite um offensive Sometimes we'll just say some offensive shit to get the mood up and going, you know, like like for example, matt likes to really target um He hates abortions. Yeah Oh, you do mate Like you get so pissed if you see any abortions like lying around the house squash them like that any abortions He's like sick yucky sick. Oh, not even finished You say that I'm moving on Moving on next question. See now we're tempted to say cut that corner But but we're just gonna give you a look into what you want So we're gonna leave it in Yeah Not finished that's a great line. Okay Next question next question is from cringe rot Cringe rot Um, very good name. Oh, this is a serious question. This guy has some a dilemma and needs the marty muckl advice I feel I could add to this because I am going through it Uh, is it worth quitting weed forever for a new full-time job that drug tests you? No, let me finish fuck And we'll continue to drug tests. It's a sad reality that I'm facing If a job fucking makes you do anything you don't want to do You fucking quit Well, I would it depends if that job is a stepping stone to something you want to do in the future Like it's just weed at the end of the day. Like you you fucking if you go a few years without it's it's fucking ridiculous What about forever? Yeah, of course not. Well, it's depends how much you love weed if if if someone said You can't make videos if you smoke weed. I'd stop smoking weed, you know, because you're because the you know You don't need to be high. That's like, you know But what about if you're working at some fucking little cubicle and the boss upstairs is like, all right We're gonna start drug testing no one can smoke pot And then you work for your fucking 30 bucks or 20 bucks an hour Answering calls all day and you can't go home and have a cone or a joint while you watch your shitty home in a way Yeah, well, it depends what the end goal is if this is contributing to your end goal I would say yeah, fucking I do it and don't smoke weed But if it if if this is just another job. No, don't fucking do it Especially if you're trying to support a family as well. I definitely Quit so you can make money. Yeah And then just give the weed to your kids, but The way things are going we could be looking at legal weed Um, another thing you can do though is some people are you could you could try and get medicinal marijuana get a script for it, okay Just fucking Yeah, if you get a script for it, you sweat if you like smoking weed and that's your vice Don't fucking quit it because some job told you to if it's just a nothing another job. Yeah, I wouldn't quit it It's just a fucking random Job that you need to do, you know, but if it's fucking something that's going to lead to Amazing shit, then yeah, I'm guessing it's something to do with The operating machinery or something but cringe right if you could comment what job you're trying to go for And then we'll see what areas Um, actually don't drug test because some do and some don't I work in the industry where they do drug tests But not all areas in my industry drug tests So and we're always blowing our weed smoker in Matt's direction and he freaks out and legs it's very very funny Yeah, unfortunately, I have to sit there on boys trip on on weed night and just laugh along it Everyone laughed up Do you have oh, I guess you do get drug tested if I was in a job where I was getting drug tested I would risk it and if I got fucking done. I got done. See you later go to the next job, but If I was in a job where I didn't get drug tested, then I wouldn't smoke pot Yes, you fucking would you fucking stone out of your mind whenever we're driving Other people's lives in your hands. You can drive better some people A good thing though A good thing that when it comes to getting drug tested to work a lot of there's a lot of industries that don't do it So there's always like opportunity out there for anyone. Oh, I feel like getting baked now Michael You're being so ridiculous. Next question is from Sabrina What makes you guys proud about your ringworm community? Which Matt Brown is This is fucking why I love them I was so stoned last night and Julian's like during the discord. I was like, oh man I don't want to talk to my fans when I'm high But I was there playing golfer julian They watched a little god. It was cute and then all I had to make was just sounds like clangs clongs and clays just the classics and they would just Like they'd understand me I'd be like, okay, wait, can I hear a clang? Or a clay you have to do a clang or a clay for people to don't know what the fuck you're talking about It's hard. It was my eyes rolled back. I really don't want to know. Yeah, do it And like I I probably said it over a thousand times three thousand times the last two days Fans were doing that for me and it was the best moment ever I was having the best giggles. They understood it. We communicated with just clays and clangs And that's what it's about for me I guess what i'm always trying to say is it's lovely to have a community where everyone has a very sick similar sense of humor because we like to make people laugh and and these people are the people that That it's really easy to make them laugh because they have the same sense of humor Um, can you explain discord quickly because i'm pretty new to it? And i'm guessing there's a lot of people out there that are new and probably want to join that discord Discord is can only be ringwormed if you fucking sign up to our university Yeah, you can only access our discord if you sign up for the university. I guess I can't do it No, no, you're fucking out come But what it is is basically It's just like a live chat your people just message and then there's like fucking I don't know. We just send messages in there throughout the day Video call you can send your memes in there. It's just it's just cool. We were voice call last night It was I was there for like two and a half hours Playing golf against julia and then just listening to clays from my fans. Tell you another fucking fun thing that we've started doing Is fucking on tiktok lives Just trolling trolling people on tiktok lives until like they notice you it is fucking Hilarious I started this huge argument in this other tiktok live a couple of nights ago between these two dudes One guy was live and one was commenting and they were having an argument And then I pretended like I was on the side of the guy commenting and made it seem like he had been telling me Other shit about the guy who was it was just fucking beautiful. It's so entertaining that and also trolling Comment if you see marty and michael commenting on random posts from now on It's just a bit of a just trolling like there'll be like animal videos that pop up on the feed and all this other Shit, and I just right really fucked up shit to get a reaction out of people and it works every time It's fucking gold. Yeah. I must say I enjoyed the tiktok live shit the other night for about three hours Yeah, you just get lost in it. But yeah, akimiri is fucking it's just like a loving funny Just group of fucking weird legends. Yeah, like everyone just they've got a good sense of humor. They get it Get fucking get it I got it and they're not it's just yeah, it's just fucking a bunch of good people Yeah, I like him. I like her Next question is from dan dello. Uh, have you guys have filmed an episode of fully actual that you didn't upload? No, there's he's uh, sometimes there's um, oh, there's another thing we cut out is prank calls If they're like, they'll be called ringing and ringing and then people don't answer or sometimes answer and Realize it's a prank call straight away. So we just cut all that shit out But there's never been an entire episode. Yeah, we never cut a full episode Although we did do one episode where michael was absent. So that wasn't really enough Well, there's more of an update. Yeah, I was like a 10 minute update And um, fucking what did we ever do a practice episode? No, I think we just went straight into it. There you go Next question is from mani Garcia Um What happened to matthew gregory brown from wholesome saying three um I guess three was sort of part of season two We had a good time with that and then you don't want to overdo it. Then we called it a day Yes, I think of a new number now. Yeah 13 13 I still so I when I go to the games place and the basketballs there, I'll go three You'll rip it out. Yeah, I'll get it. I'll do the three my own three Crowds form when he does that I've seen crowds that people You know when you see like break dancing crowds start circling. I've been it's a similar thing at the games place my three crowd The next question is from lotty 48. Oh, I know so lotty just What happened to connor? He seemed to vanish one day. Where did he go connor is I was hanging out with him two weekends ago. It came over his house connor is the one editing these podcasts all of ill of his all of his comedy genius Is is right there. He's right there and check his channel out cracker milk. Yeah, they're fucking hilarious They're going like what are they on now? How many subscribers? Why they're over a hundred thousand? Oh, yeah, they're like 170 or some shit dude like good sketch comedy Very and quite crude quite, uh, you know up our alley quite um Pushes the boundaries. Yeah, very if you are one of those fucking snowflakes don't go over there because you'll probably be like Oh, no Me and connor have little flirts when I send him the rural podcast Enjoy my weekly flirt with connor's mail flirting sometimes he doesn't reply though, and I get weird about it. Oh, yeah Next question is from tj ven I um If you could be the main actor in a comedy movie, what movie would you pick billy madison? Yeah, that's good And command Yeah, well done both of what I expected. I expected marty's his wife. You get to get with her You get to fucking act like a silly billy kid and your favorite line Call the zoo I've got every line from that movie. It's my favorite Good up. Yeah, that for ronnie kevon. You get to hang out with some rad actors. Oh Um next question is from cosmic ace after doing the metal detector prank Did you guys ever hear anything about someone finding the box with the pitches after someone stole the first one? No, nothing I reckon someone's just thrown him in the bin when they were disgusted what they found I haven't heard anything about it And to be honest i'm being uncomfortable now that you've brought it up again I'd push that to back to the back of my mind But thank you for reminding me and um, he actually asked two questions The other one was do you guys recommend moving to austria and what's the pro or what are the pros of moving there? I'm from germany. Yeah, it's austria. It's pretty fucking. There's heaps of jobs you can get It's pretty nice place to live people are pretty cool Yeah, it's fucking not bad. I made the move from fucking germany was pretty fucked up when I left though Ha ha ha ha Next question. Um, actually, sorry that was the last one I can't believe he said that like there was another one I'm actually embarrassed. I like to get to the end and fucking fucked man. Leave that in corner No, don't leave that show him how raw it is man. Like how many mistakes he said these come Oh Fuck man, it's hot. You are so fucked What's the sweating has stopped now it's starting to cool down. Yeah, it's nice very dark. All right Uh, do you want to kick off crime? Yeah, let's just do a few The crimes are everywhere is the name of this segment And we read out some of the worst crimes and our followers have ever committed So if you want us to read it's all anonymous So all you got to do is just DM us On our main instagram or the marty and michael for the actual instagram the crimes that you have committed and we won't Snitch on you or nothing you have our fucking word, right? What is the crime story for the podcast in 2013? I robbed a petrol station in germany with a plastic gun While i was drugged up. I got caught by a group of joggers when i was running away He's fucking fast cunts slammed me on the ground and i got arrested Lucky i just got three years probation I can still remember the eyes of my mother when she picked me up from the lock up the next morning She looks so proud So i might try it again one day without getting caught so i can make my parents even more proud and rich And i could also give some money to matt brown so then he can finally sign up to the website That's pretty good man I thought i heard this story on the news the other day that someone robbed a 7 11 or servo No, with a fake gun. I can't remember if that was in there, but joggers ran them down and and fucking dude if you get You fucking done armed robbery and you get three years. Well, it's not it's like a fake gun Still if they don't fucking know that that is like the joggers did people Oh, man, that's pretty fucking good. I mean we should do that for a video. Yeah the 7 11 challenge How much cash can you get? Oh A bank for closed my house when i was 17 so i set it on fire the house was empty and no one was hurt by it But i was later caught did not go to jail But i did receive three years probation and a criminal record for the rest of my life Dude, you see what's going on here? No, if you commit crimes, maybe it's if it's your first one. Why is that guy 17 and owns a house? Maybe it's his parents house Maybe it's the same guy three years probation. That's what happens if you commit crimes. Yeah, it could maybe it's the same country Or maybe once here in mexico with a bro. We were smoking a fat joint with With wax almost inside a 7 11 don't know what that means It was like 1 a.m. And the fucking pig showed up and my bro passed me the joint and since I didn't know where to put it I hit it in my balls when it was lit up Oh the police Searched us and made us take out our sneakers to search drugs at the end. We went free But my balls were burned my bro thought I was a fucking magician Yeah, and he got three years probation Man, that would have been scary especially in mexico. Oh, and you'd have to like it'd be burning your balls Yeah, you just gotta keep a straight face. Oh All right, this one went to my local strip club years ago and my old maccas manager was the bouncer We never liked each other. We said g'day and I heard him say cock head under his breath After I spent all my money. I left and saw his car up on the road. So I caved the door in with a sparta kick Oh, man, I do those at tocker I was arrested on my 13th birthday for vandalism And the court made me do 40 hours of community service in the care of someone who was three years later was One of my first americans to have the fb. I seized their hard drive Oh So the cat the dude who was monitoring the community service Was three years later found and under the fbi watch With a huge hard drive of fucking kid porn kid porn Fucking hell. This was like 1999 when he got arrested. He did not touch me luckily But he committed suicide a couple years later. Oh, so He had a chance to get fingered. Whoa. Yeah I wonder if he'd be kind of offended that he never sort of pulled any moves. You're not like a hot enough kid Yeah, how does he know that he just wasn't being watched Cameras and showers and all kinds of shit. Yeah, but like you're fucking what doing community service You're not in a shower doing community service Wasn't he saying he was in the care of him though? Yeah During just for the 40 hours though, surely. Oh, yeah. Okay. So all right. So he was just spending time with him on He never had the opportunity picking up trash. It's like he's watching you. You wouldn't yeah. Yeah, you're not like in a church or anything. Yeah, but That's pretty weird. You'd be like, fuck I dodged a bullet or I dodged a finger or a tongue lashing or a dick lashing Oh, man, I just I can't even picture that as a kid Yeah, it would be rough. I wonder what how distorted your Like perception of sex and stuff would be. Yeah Oh, anyway, let's move let's move right along to a segment called Um, all right, so the latest with Carl So I sent him a message and uh, he read it And then I sent him another message and yeah, he read it. Um, has he replied? No So we had a chat today. Um, you know, we we thought we're either going to go all out here with Carl and like either And and and and fucking make him hate us. Which is a fucking very high possibility here if we keep annoying him And this that could potentially ruin any future chances we have at anything to do with channel nine So I sort of thought fuck maybe we should not do that yet Maybe we should work our way up to it. All right, and right before the podcast started today We were like fuck we we probably need to change Objective and try and think of something else that we can do on The horn. Oh, I thought you were gonna shit. Damn it. Um, so, uh, we you know We thought what else did we did we toss toss about I want to do I want to see if Olivia lute newton john would go on a date Yeah, I sort of said she's too old and like irrelevant She probably didn't check social media and then we talked about chris hemsworth But then we looked at his instagram. He doesn't even he posts like once every two months and doesn't even Replied anyone in the comments chain warned to be the week. We wanted to send him a fidget spinner and get him to spin it To spin bowl a fidget spinner We wanted to sing delta good room a song. Yeah, just have her Yeah, it's not that idea. Oh, that is a normal idea Maybe we could get her to fucking what's it called duet? Watching us sing one of her songs and she has to Be happy about it smile What could she do judge it judge it send us a lock of her hair I don't really want it. Uh-huh frame it. I could use that Oh, he could attach it to the flashlight. No, I could fucking dispel with it Put it up in there Yeah, I will Delta good room we're coming what no, I don't know look we haven't decided yet We're gonna we're gonna have a week off from the hunt And figure it out, but should we throw it to the fans? Yeah? Put some suggestions in and also keep the questions coming We forgot to mention and vote for which questions you want us to answer because we'll always ask the questions with the highest amount Of likes if your question isn't isn't in the top list one week Just ask it again the following week all the comments help Fucking subscribe by the way if you're fucking watching and you're not one half or one third One third of people who listen to the podcast are not subscribed And I get it because I do that too with a lot of youtube channels, but I'm asking you very nicely, please Just take a second here and press the red button It takes literally a second if you have to sign in via google and shoot I get it Don't worry about it, but if it's easy just please or comment for support Yeah, just comment comment all you got to comment is the word comment that helps that's you All right So you guys figure out the hunt we'll put our heads together next week Well, you guys put in some suggestions We'll come up with some suggestions and then next week we start a brand new hunt Something we can fucking put our teeth into and really fucking and something where we don't not worry about the repercussions because Carl Yeah, like I could I like Carl. He's a cool man. Yeah, it would be so Yeah Bunter it's good bunter and it could be a hard one We could be here to the end of the season trying to get it 110 Matthew Brown 110 percent Matthew Brown So the next segment right you dog sends shooting away this po box right here And we open it live on the podcast and we have some packages today So let's fucking get anywhere. This is the po unboxing All right, our first package is from hey guys flugen slagen flugen slagen flugen slagen he said there All right, this is uh from our friend mateland Hanley's his merch. He sent us this is a surprise. He didn't tell us he was doing this So he's uh called young and dumb Um, oh these stickers don't come off Look. Oh no, I got it now. I was gonna say fucking shit stickers I got it. There you go. Boom young and dumb. He's got his fucking. He's got some shirts large large He knows he knows our sizes and he's written a flugen slagen So which means um Wing hit flugen Flugen is like a wing Is that man? I forget. I'm my german is like fully Schlagen is to hit Schlagen. Oh, that's I thought you were making that up. That's a real german No, I think it's just something that like australian say because it sounds really german, but it does make doesn't make sense surprise me But yeah, fuck. Thanks mateland anyway Fucking wear that on when I go for a skate I'm like young is dumb. He's mainly got a he's got a young and dumb instagram. I'm pretty sure don't he? Yeah, he sure fucking does go and check the No consequences Next when you're young and dumb To marty and michael and julia. Hi, my name is kin and machan I live in a small coastal town in Queensland called harvey bay and have recently graduated high school I'm writing to you guys to say thank you for all the great videos and And for the inspiration for the shit my friends and I got in trouble for the first video I saw reveals was the tac ball tennis I've since been hooked. I'm loving the I'm loving the new vlogs on the website and I can't wait to see what the years bring I've included some photos from some of my favorite videos Which I would love if you could sign and possibly a sexy shot of julie You really asking for a friend wink wink all the best. Yeah, we can sign these All right, so this is us on a fishing boat This is um michael and I And then we have a great photo with you on the pot. We have uh me planting michael Yeah, and uh, what do we got here? We have marty and michael covered in egg One of the website videos. These are most of these are website videos so far And we have the um Where we the quarter we'll get out of court very handsome young men here, aren't we all very nice that one And then here we have me Screaming into michael's ear as um calvin. Yeah, boy. You would have seen that And um here we have michael after a bender Yeah, that was a good residue on his face Yeah, all right. Well matt we'll sign them and we'll give them to you. Yeah, I'll take over There you go. Thank you for that and thank you for supporting the fucking shit out of his brah Yeah, dude, do you remember then fucking thank you flugen schlagen All right, you can keep this letter Is that it now he's pumped out a fucking prank call. What are you talking about man? We have to speak some german Okay, all right, I'll get through these as quick as I can So this segment I just read a german a common german phrase in a normal calm Way as if I was having a conversation with a fellow german Do best of them halt. Let me start that again Do best of them holds back of them holds back You are on the wood way, which means you're wrong So wood is the wrong way in germany Do best of them holds back Hey hosweck hosweck hosweck That is not my beer That is not my beer That's not my beer Not my problem. So a beer means problem. That is not my beer So it's someone saying oh, it's not my fucking problem is beer beer in german beer. Yeah, beer is beer Why not say this is not my problem Because this is a far more it cuts through to the heart of another german because beer is german all right Very I've actually said this one to my mom heaps Which means salmon rip you together, which means pull yourself together, mate Why wouldn't it be pulled? Why is it rip rips apart? I I always think during of the week of really weird english sayings And I always think to use them for examples from when you get confused, but I always forget them But it's more anger. English is just as fuck. This is a very beautiful Linguistic language like there's a lot of uh, you never rip something together you rip it apart So that is bullshit. It's very um, there's a lot of a lot of back of the throat muscles to use It's very it's it's it's quite sexual Just german language Yeah, it's quite sexual the german language sort of I guess like Split around like it's borders like the countries that border it like do those countries learn german. Yeah a few of them, man There's some german speakers on the border germany. Yeah, like belgium austria. I speak some weird arse german remember belgium austria Yeah, I remember austria. What happened in austria We got naked. Well Shocking that's when we we pretended we were gyroscope and it worked very well very well Let me tell you something. We can't talk about it back when you guys are young and dumb. Whoo 110 percent All right, let's finish the podcast. Well, we'll have a time Let's finish the podcast with a prank call. What do we say we're gonna do again? I can go from happy to angry You've got bipolar. Okay. Um, hey, how are you? Can I just place a um Order for pickup, please if that's okay. Yep Awesome. Thank you. Um, it's quite a big one. Um, do you guys have so you guys have nachos, right? Oh, yes, we do. Yeah, so can I just get two serves of the nachos? Thanks. They're so good for you guys Um, so I'll get one one with the chicken and um, I'll get I'll get beef on the other one because like Yeah, it's my favorite Um, oh look, I'll make them both regular. They're just more sides and stuff. So yeah, I'll just I'll just get them regular things So the name is brennan Yeah Yeah, right and um, I'll I'll get um a couple of burritos as well. Um Yeah, uh, I'll get um, what's that? What's the burritos called again? I thought as soon as you say its name, I'll The ultimate burrito or the california. Yeah, the california. That's the one. Yeah, I had that one before and it was so good I'll get one of them. Um, and I'll get chicken pork vegetarian fish I'll get that one chicken too, please and um, can I get extra cheese on that? Is that all right? Extra cheese on that one. Yeah, thank you. Yeah So yeah one california one and um, I'll get um two of the um, just just standard burritos like just normal burritos Do you know what I mean? Like just um Uh, well, I don't have the menu in front of me. Sorry So, yeah, just That's the one the classic. Yeah. Yeah, look, I'll get two classic Burritos and I'll get both of those. Um with with beef meat Okay, beef meat. I'll get both of those classic burritos with beef meat. Oh beef meat. Yeah Um larger regular Yeah, just regular Would you like to come all your staff team on any of those burritos? No No, none for them. No Um, also, no, um, that's not all. Um, I'll also get um drinks. You guys got drinks, right? Like surely you have drinks. Yeah. So can I get like, um You guys got what 1.25 liters or two liters or what what what sizes? Yeah Yeah, so how big are the bottles is what I'm asking? Right, okay. Well, give me give me five 600 mil bottles of the um of the coca-cola Thanks. Uh, we only have Pepsi The win this happens Wait, so you only what can you maybe go to coals next door and get some, uh, Coca-Cola or is just Pepsi the only thing available right now. Is that what you're telling me? Oh my god Okay. Um, all right. Look scratch the drinks, right? I'm just going to get a shitload of sauce All right What sources have you guys got like I'm talking massive bottles of sources. Do you guys sell that or not? No, we do not sell All right, okay. Um, well, what sources do you have? All right. Well for the blue cheese, what's the biggest serving of sauce that you can give me? Can you put it in like a little container or something or is that something that you can't do? Awesome. How big is the container? Like how many mils are we talking here? Well, can I get like three of the blue cheese ones? And one of the the chipotle one that you said as well a side of that And chips give me chips Large like a large serving of chips Me you're serving you can give me Serving you can give me Perfect. How much is all of that in total? Um, that's $57 and $67 and $75 Can you just read that back to me? Fuck Three blue cheese and chipotle Next you can fry Oh Whoa, that was good That was so hard to listen to I was like shit. This is far as soon as a little Go like I said, I'm sorry if you listen to that girl. I'm sorry But she was laughing at the end. So I think she knew it was a bit of a But yeah, man, you are good from flipping it from good to bad I was I could hear you in the other room and all I could hear was like Just give me six sauces. I was just giggling and Um, yeah, sorry, uh small girl, but um, that's the problem. We got to get to talk of boys. Yeah, we kept that getting high Let's eat in mexico Cut that three condom