 I know a bunch y'all thought this would probably be like some professionally edited video cuz of the way I hooked up that intro but no not at all I just needed something to hook you spineless zero zero attention span tiktok watching niggas in all right the pandemic hasn't been very nice to me but then again maybe I'm one of the lucky ones cuz you know I'm over here thinking you know I'm over here depressed in a first world country meanwhile Nick is somewhere in fucking Liberia with no health insurance you know coughing up their lungs cuz of COVID but yeah the pandemic hasn't really been you know nice to a lot of people a lot of mental disorders and suicides when the rise you know a lot of self-reflection and revisiting the past happened everyone was going through some shit right I remember the I remember the during the early stages of the pandemic and I'm just in a house I mean a household they just going insane for some time I got obsessed with my parents you know and whole time I'm just stressing always checking the mirror like every few minutes even when my mom took us to vacation for her birthday we in Dubai I'm in a hotel room right checking my reflection over and over again I bought a bunch of creams I bought a bunch of vitamin supplements I was thinking about getting a scar on my on my forehead and on my nose removed and I was just on the fucking pack I was on the fucking pack right and also another thing I'm what's that the doctor recommended me to some these anti-depressants is called Cetraline it's another name for Zolok right and they help they helped but they also don't help because she recommended me I think it was 50 milligrams or something like that well first was 25 milligrams then it was 50 milligrams and on 50 milligrams of this shit you can't you can't feel anything like you don't feel depressed anymore but you can you don't feel anything at all okay you could see a literal child get shot beside you and you I just wouldn't feel anything but they'd be like no fucking emotion and I don't know I think I don't know how long she wanted me to be on this for but I was like I gotta get the fuck off this shit is this shit is it's helping me get out of bed but it's um it's also helping me like I mean it's also like not allowing me to actually feel shit so I kind of substituted these for just like working out I just like worked out a lot every day and who gives a fuck right but let me just let me let me talk about some other shit for any religious people that are sensitive about their ideology I highly urge you to skip to this time stamp on the screen alright I'm warning you right now I don't I don't want to see I don't want to see all the fucking paragraphs on paragraphs debating in my fucking comment section cuz look look I don't care bro I'm not gonna reply to that bullshit bro I'm not alright so you've been warned skip to this time stamp alright um I was arguing mama like almost every day you know arguing over her over shit that happened to me in the past saying it's her fault for a lot of a lot of the shit that really ain't even her fault you know we argued about a lot of shit but the main argument we always got into was I think about religion right my whole family you know we from the Caribbean yeah check it out and the island we from this uh it's extremely religious right my mom tried to raise us the same way she was brought up and for a while I kind of believed in a lot of the stuff she believed in until like maybe 11th or 12th grade I don't really know but up to like two years after high school I think I would still call myself religious but really wasn't and then like a year after that I was just like damn this um this ideology I'm trying so hard to hold on to it's um it's kind of toxic it's kind of toxic and narcissistic to a certain degree like oh you don't believe what I believe in oh that's crazy bro you bought that you bought the burning hell for all eternity you're a man that doesn't like woman huh huh that's unfortunate buddy that's unfortunate like what sort of stupid ass shit is that like that's literally the the most like the least humane shit ever like imagine thinking people people are gonna be burning in this dimension for all eternity just because they didn't believe the same thing you believed in because they either grew up I mean you know they grew up and you know were influencing a different way than you that is so looking back at it now I used to I used to make fun of my atheist friends and shit like ha you you don't believe in God I mean I mean not not believe in God you're not religious you're not religious bro you're cringe you're cringe but looking back I think I was the cringe one I was the cringe one and only during the pandemic that I really unleash all that pent up confusion and frustration on my mind because she was always so adamant and what's it called you know so so strict about that shit right I missed out like on a lot of fun shit throughout my childhood just because she was always like in her own head and makes me feel like a lot of my childhood was just a lie all those Sundays all those Bible studies on Tuesdays or it makes it makes me realize that parents are really just grown-up children and you know not the fucking gods we thought they were when we were children so even though I'm upset about the whole thing I don't hate my mom for the nothing like that you know she's still my favorite person in the world if anything it really just shows me I got to think for myself and that's exactly what I'm gonna do because the whole time I'm going through all this shit I'm a youtuber right and my whole livelihood depends on my relevancy right so even though I was so emotional during the whole thing I still gotta upload and the stuff I uploaded the whole mood and like feel of the videos were just how I was feeling and people were pissed the fuck off bro you can't do videos suck now we want you to make super fast-paced edited nonsensical videos we don't want you to make shit based on how you're feeling we own your channel now everyone that everyone was like that though in fact I don't even think it was like the majority of people saying shit like that just a just a very vocal minority but to those sad scraps to the to the to the sad scraps of shit that were giving me all that bullshit on top of bullshit that was already on my plate um are you okay bro huh are you feeling good cuz cuz that's not normal human behavior okay that's not normal human behavior nigga this is my channel this is my channel brah I sacrificed a lot of my free time through middle school through a high school between work hours just to get where I'm at now I'm up post whatever the fuck I want on this shit brah you feel me alright I honestly don't even care if this channel dies anymore you know I used to be so afraid of oh no if I post something people don't like they're gonna unsubscribe I honestly don't care anymore right if I gotta turn this you know turn YouTube into my hobby instead of my job there's so big because to be honest I'm kind of sick of doing what other people want me to do you know I've been getting the hold for for a long time throughout my life not just not just by those kids at school all those kids at school now from my also from my mom my biological bad my stepdad I let nobody else control all right I'm not especially not some random niggas on the internet