 Today I'm with Todd Gorishik and he is a life coach for men specifically helping men take empowered action and I have Been a client of Todd's myself, and I really enjoyed his coaching. He's excellent coach Todd is also a member of my MasterHeart business mentoring group And so it's great to be able to work with him in these different ways. Todd. Thank you so much for doing this interview All right. Thank you George. I'm really happy to be here today. It's always a pleasure. Thanks for the invite yeah, so Let's talk about first. I want to ask you you focus on working with men and What do you feel is the difference between? You know why why the focus on men? Maybe I'll ask you that question. Yeah the focus on men is just a result of my own journey and I've spent over 15 years in men's work and I did my own personal work my own journey So I feel I have insight and I have something to offer other men From all the things that I've learned and the places I've been and how it's all come together I have coached women as well, but it's just a Passion of mine to help men be the best that we can and show up strong in the world to just Make a great place for our families for our communities and for the world in general. Yeah, awesome And given that there are a lot of women watching this and men as well How might the women, you know, given that they might know some men in their lives that could be great As clients for you or working with you What kind of men should they be looking for in terms of whom to refer to you? What's what's going on with with the men that Is a signal that you know what they could really benefit from the kind of thing you do. Yeah The men that I focus on working with generally lack some sort of Inward confidence now most people aren't gonna be able to tell that right? I mean a guy's not gonna go around with the sign says hey, I have no confidence But what happens is potentially the man is having difficulty in making decisions or The man Has difficulty speaking up and asking for what he wants, right? and In these types of situations I have found that it's either Fear of something generally in the past or a limiting belief That is self sabotaging the man to move forward in his life And so I help him basically we identify those fears and beliefs we work through that and then Identify steps that move the man forward in his life in the areas that he's interested in building and making better Yeah, awesome, and It's you know in some cases men might Appear confident in one area of their life and less so in another area. So for example, you know When I came to you for coaching, you know in my business in my work, I'm doing great I'm you know, I know how to ask for what I want, etc. I know how to make decisions in my Relationship in my closest relationship, you know with my wife. It was it was less so and so You know, that's what we worked on is on that relationship. And so I like that You know just just to let people know that You work with people in these in different areas, but it's really about like you said the confidence decision-making showing up as a kind of thoughtful man So you mentioned like limiting beliefs and some of the things that you know inner inner stuff That's holding men back Talk to us about that a little bit like what what have you seen are kind of common and how can we start to resolve that? What I've seen is there's usually a wounding event that took place during childhood and the wounding event Hmm Often was not intentional by the parent or the peer or the person in The young the the person in the man's life when he was a boy that intended to do it but what happens is an Action happens that an event happens and then We as men will attach a meaning to that we as boys will attach a meaning to that I'm not good enough In order to be loved. I need to do x y and z You know, I'm not important and what happens is We learn to survive with that belief so it's a belief that we attached we gave meaning to the event It's not true But as a kid with limited emotional breadth and resources That's what we did and so we move forward in life of Figuring out how to survive how to make my parents happy how to function in the family dynamic how to function in the world in general and maybe that action Manifests itself as well. I can't ask for anything, right? Yeah, let me ask you and I'm sorry to interrupt But I I wonder is that childhood wounding event? like Still remembered by by your by your clients. It well, maybe maybe it is maybe it is but by most clients For example, you know, I don't remember a specific childhood wounding event and I'm sure there were Probably many I don't know. Yeah, you know, I can remember some bullying at school or whatever, but But yeah, what do you what do you say to that? Is it is it necessarily a memorable event or? Is it just overall the the relationship that the child had with the parent? in In almost all cases we can track it back to an event where the belief became attached now You have a very good point Men don't walk around thinking oh when I was 10 years old someone took my ice cream from me and that meant I'm no good Right, that's not what's going on But what happens is and perhaps we I don't know if this is true or not But maybe we men are better at pushing away sort of Thoughts and stories that we don't want to to think about and so, you know, I don't know But yeah, like like I can't remember a specific childhood wounding event But like I said, I'm sure there were many, you know, I'm sure I could keep going back and trace trace trace it back But yeah, right Well, you bring up a great point George because this is the deal when men come to me It's not they come to me because hey, I need to figure this thing out that happened to me when I was 10 they come to me because I'm having difficulty in my relationship You know, my wife does this and I do this and I just have this reaction or I'm at work and my colleague does this and I do this and It's not getting the man where he wants to be and so what happens is There is Something that happens in our adult life that creates a feeling and That feeling is the exact same feeling we had back at the wounding event so the reaction the response is not from what's happening right now today the reaction or the response is is being generated from the emotional trauma or Wounding that we experienced and it's coming forth in in present time so What I do is I work with the man and we just we just kind of go back we follow the feeling You know, where was the first time that feeling showed up in your life? Where do you remember it with this feeling we get real clear on what the feeling is. When did you remember it? Oh, I was at 10. I was 10 I was at the dinner table and I didn't want to eat my soup and my dad said if you don't want to eat your soup Just leave this house and never come back and I thought oh my god, I'm not worth it You know, I'm not valuable. Anyway, and that's the process that goes through. That's very powerful. Wow, so So you that's one of the key things that you do with your clients is to Identify that trace it back and then what do you do with that emotion then what what happens at that point? Okay? Um the emotion helps us to identify the event when we can identify the event we can then Verbalize the message or the belief that as a young boy We attach to the event and that message or belief is a false belief But it's something that subconsciously we've carried along with us So whenever we feel the same way we have this strong gut response from when we were as a kid It's irrational, right? It really doesn't make any sense. So from that place we reframe the event because this is the deal data or Facts do not have opinions and they don't have feelings So I'm at the dinner table and I didn't want to eat my soup and my dad said you don't want to eat your soup Leave this house and never come back. Okay. That was the data. He just said that he didn't say You're not worth it. You're not loved. You're not important. He didn't say any of that Whatever happened it was his own stuff anyway, right? So what we do then is we separate the actual event from the belief and Then we look logically at like well does that even make sense? Would it mean that you're not important or you're not valuable or you don't have a voice because you didn't eat a freaking bowl of soup No, it makes no sense. But as a ten-year-old, that's how we made sense of the world as an adult That doesn't serve us anymore. So we refrained that event. What's true? Well, my dad really had a problem that day when he said that I mean that was stupid That was his deal. What's true about you? You know what I have a right not to eat something if I don't like it, you know I don't need to I don't need to eat stuff. I don't want I I'm empowered to do that Okay, so what then is really true about you and we reframed the belief from I Don't have a voice in what I can say or do to you know what I Freak in have a right and an ability and a voice and power and strength to ask for what I want or to Pursue what I want or to decide what I want and it just shifts. It changes everything So that's interesting and so that one event is transformed, but what about all the other occurrences in life and You know since that time That confirmed this Belief that whatever maybe I'm not worthwhile or I shouldn't ask for what I want or what about all those other events Do they somehow collapse under the weight of the core event having been transformed? They actually do They actually do because basically From a certain point in life with the belief that we took on and it's important to recognize the ownership of I created the belief I attached it No one put it on me because then we also have the power and the ability to change the belief I gave it one belief I can give it another based on how I understand facts now we change the filter So yes, we go through life believing. We don't deserve something and okay. I'm not gonna ask for it I didn't get it. Oh poor me or whatever. I don't know But once the False belief or the misbelief is identified then All the other instances can be shifted around as well and it's like well. Yeah, that was dumb I had every right to do that or I should have been able to do that changes the power. Wow so Can you kind of give us an example of? You know a client that Where this kind of thing happened and what what occurred now that that belief is transformed Like what was different about their their life or their action? Yeah, so an example would be In Order for the client to survive as a child as a boy in his home and by the way, don't use my example. Yeah In order to survive He was expected not to Ask for anything it was it was more proper and noble to just grin and bear it to put up with whatever to Be grateful I'll say for scraps or for limited amounts of anything, right? So then what happens this guy's running a business, right? And in his business He's he's an entrepreneur. He's self-employed in his business. He has these clients and they start asking him more they asked they asked of him more and more and more and He keeps saying yes and yes and yes because it's back from this belief of like, hey You know, I just need to be appreciative of what I have I don't deserve to ask for anything more and it's wrong. It's wrong to do that. So when we correct that belief He's basically able to say Stop to his clients now. Our agreement was X. I'd be happy to change the agreement to Y But it's going to then require X amount of dollars or X amount of a different type of contract and so The man then takes power of his own life his own business and he's not in this Mode of I just have to put up with it and deal with it So he becomes a much more successful businessman. He's more efficient He's actually able to offer more to his clients from a stronger place in his life Yeah, that's a great example and I think one that probably a lot of us can relate to because the relationship we have with our clients is In some ways mirrored from the relationships we've had, you know, in our personal life that impacted us the most so As somebody who is you know watching this might be interested in working with you You offer a lot of content on your Facebook page, you know, you have videos you have Articles and so I encourage people to go check it out. What's one of the ideas that you Shared in your videos or articles let's just say this year or whenever that you remember that you know What's what's one idea that you felt like really? Made a difference for people or that that really got more of a more of an engagement from from your audience And I just want to give you a chance to share some ideas because you have a lot of a lot of thoughts on on transformation Yeah, yeah Let me just think for a moment What's really important is To understand that When you and I react to something not respond but react you just have a gut response So something happens and there's this reaction and it's filled with emotion. Okay It's a clue there's something that's not right. Okay, there's a clue there that If someone says something to us or someone does something that's just that's just data, right? It's like They didn't call me back, you know, I called them it was told them it was important and they didn't call me back And then the reaction is oh my god, you know, blah blah blah Either I'm angry at them or I'm feeling like I'm a terrible human being or something like that There's way too much emotion in that and when there's too much emotion Um, it's a clue that I am reacting from a place of wounding from a belief that is not true about me in the world today And so the shift becomes It's important to respond I mean, hey, if someone agreed to call me back and they didn't call me back That's an accountability issue and it's totally okay to call them on that and say what happened This was your agreement. This didn't happen. You know, tell me about it and work that out, right? And that response is done From a place of just even killed emotion. It's not done from a place of anger It's not come from a place of shame. Like maybe I don't deserve your response And when we can work these things out and we can respond and communicate with each other In just a an even-leveled State of being With not without the emotional swings We become much more productive and effective in everything we do and how we communicate. Yeah, that's really that's a great tip for Both men and women. I think all of us have that experience of reaction and And just to be to be like you said to be mindful of oh, wait a second. There's there's something here to be worked through You know, um, so Speaking of reactions and something affecting everybody. I want to give you a chance to talk about your Maybe encouragement support advice Right now as we're recording this, you know, the corona virus is is you know Really making an impact on all of our lives For some people unfortunately, it's physical health and for others for just about everybody. It's some kind of economic impact relationships also because people are you know being at home more and so Yeah, any any set of words of encouragement and advice for us during these times. Yeah, absolutely. Um Two things One is to stay present in the moment And what helps us stay present is to take the pause Because this is what happens Fear can get ahold of us especially when there are many people In a hyper state of Excitability around us You walk into the grocery store and people are just filling their carts and they're grabbing everything and you've just you can feel it, right? And that that excitability Creates a sense of fear which leads to panic, right? But if I choose to just pause in the moment in the present moment just choose to pause I can then respond. I don't have to react I can think I can pause and I can decide what's my best course of action. What are my options available? Um, what do I need? um, and we we can put things into perspective and it's all about living in the present and not living in the imagined future A fearful future a bad future which let's be honest I would believe 98 percent of the time are most fearful and imagined futures never come into being But yet if we let it there's just all this emotional energy and turmoil going on And what a waste, right? pause Get present And then choose to take action. It helps I love that. Thank you so much. Todd. I really appreciate your Work and your presence and support of your audience and your community. So um, I want to encourage everyone who find found this beneficial Take a look at um, Todd's facebook page. He's very active there with videos and articles So I'll have the link to that in the notes of the video and also of course Todd's website and any other links Todd you want to Share you can um, we'll have that in there as well so Thanks so much Todd. Um, and I hope people will reach out to you especially Men who would like your kind of one-to-one guidance and actually I'd love for you to say how can You know, what should people do when they're maybe interested in working with you? What's the next step? Yeah, absolutely. Um On my website EmpoweredMenCoaching.com You can reach me there via email. Um, I also have a calendar. You can schedule a free Conversation with me right now. I'm doing free 20 minute calls for men to just kind of help them reset and refocus And I think for the next few weeks maybe month two months That's it's an important thing to do So, um, I am more than willing to help to help any man Who reaches out to me and contacts me and uh, we'll figure out what what needs to happen next George before we go. I just want to thank you for your leadership I want to thank you how you show up in the world the community that you create um I think it has a ripple effect and it creates a sense of goodness grace and calmness in the world and right now That's especially needed. So thank you. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, everyone go and check out the links below the video and we'll see you next time. Thank you so much Todd for your work All right. Thank you. Bye. Bye