 So today we're gonna talk about how to make a man chase you when he's acting hot and cold, hot and cold. Have you ever experienced this? They want a relationship, but they're not ready. Has the man ever said, it's not you, it's me? Have you ever been with a man who was one foot in and one foot out? Have you ever noticed it's either there or it's not there? See, the challenge today is that effectively speaking, we have two emotional children, dating is mostly two emotional children trying to get their needs met without any real intentionality. And repeat that two emotional children trying to get their needs met without any intentionality, the need for companionship, the need for connection and the need for sex. That's the adults need as they want sex, right? But we have emotional children out in the dating marketplace. So I wanna read you a post that I did on my Instagram. So if you're following me, there's a link to join my Instagram below. But I wrote the following. Why are so many people frustrated with the state of affairs regarding dating, mating and relating? Maybe it's because we've abandoned the serious nature of human pair bonding. It used to be courting for marriage and no sex before marriage. And now it's like slightly dipping your toes in the water for the purpose of pleasure, which is why casual relationships are the norm. Casual relationships are usually based on the entertainment of each other, the entertainment of each other. Wait, let me... Versus building something together within the entertainment. First dates are no different than shoe shopping with no intent to buy, trying on all the pairs of shoes at the store or worse, walking out of the store, scuffing the shoes and then walking back inside giving them back to the owner saying, I'm not interested. It's time for a change. It's time for conscious dating. And I even included a quote that I created. I wanna share this with everyone. It says, conscious dating differs from conventional dating because it sets a standard of intentionality, oops, tensionality with an emphasis on building trust. So why am I sharing this? Because I think the wrong question is how to make a man how to make him chase you when he's acting hot and cold. I think the real question is, how do I choose a man who will chase me? How will I choose a man who will chase me? Well, that's really what we're going to explore today. And I think it starts from the very beginning about being serious versus passive. Let me repeat that, being serious versus being passive. Now, what does passive mean? Well, we have this traditional expectation that women are just supposed to sit back in their feminine energy and let the man lead. This is like, and the whole red pill community is like, men are supposed to be the leaders, men are the protectors, men are the providers. You women are simply nurturers. And your job is to give him sex whenever he wants and cook his meals and make his bed in the morning. I mean, that's really some of the conversation that's going out there. This idea that women must submit to men because men are so good at being leaders. If he's an alpha male, if he knows what he's doing, if he has confidence, he should be leading the relationship. Do you realize how dysfunctional our world is? See that narrative used to work when we were in a time of war and a time of survival. Okay, let me go back to this, what I just said. That narrative worked when we were in a time of war or a time of survival. To some degree, we do have wars throughout the world right now, but for the most part, this is the longest period of peace we've ever experienced on our planet for the most part. So what we're left with is human beings aren't in a state of war. They're not in a state of survival, at least here in the United States for the most part. And what they're left with, they don't have to be in a state of survival. They're in a state of being. BE, B-E-I-N-G, being, they're just being. And the challenge with being is that we are no longer in that state of war and survival, we're in a state of emotional dysfunctionality, hence why men go hot and cold. Because without that intent of really, that without the intent of really claiming an intentional relationship. Let me read that to you one more time. Conscious dating differs from conventional dating because it sets a standard of intentionality and respect with an emphasis on building trust. Well, what is trust? Trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this other person, do they care about my needs? Are my needs commensurate with their own needs? Do they have my best interests? And when we have a dating environment with, and by the way, you women are just as guilty of being selfish as men, okay? Just because you have a propensity to want commitment more than men doesn't make you any less selfish than men. This is, I'm an equal opportunity judge of the human race, okay? But we're acting as a bunch of emotional children just when I wanna get my needs met, I just want it to be Christmas. I just want Christmas presents all the time instead of doing the real work right from the get go. And that real work is, hey, look, not jumping in the bed just because you have lust or limerence, not getting sucked into a love bombing, really asking the deeper questions in the early stages. Many of you follow my work, you know, I call this radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, the rules of engagement. What is radical honesty? It's like being upfront. Look, I want something serious. I'm not looking, I'm not just shoe shopping and gonna return the shoes. I wanna buy a pair of shoes. And ultimately folks, you have to buy it with the pair that the idea that this is the only shoes I ever get. See, we're in such a disposable state that human beings, men and women alike treat each other as disposable. You know, the average person by the time they reach age 60 has probably had somewhere in the neighborhood of three to 10 relationships that have lasted over three months, okay? Do you know, back in my mom's day, it was like kissing was a big deal. Kissing is so trivial today. You can kiss anyone and it has no meaning. You can be physically intimate with someone and it has no meaning. And no wonder we're in an emotional state of affairs of dysfunctionality and dating triggers the number one emotional health wound we're all faced with is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is why folks, if you haven't read my book what the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend here today. Is number one again, coming back to the question how to make him chase you when you're hot and cold? That's the wrong question. How do I choose a man that will chase me? Well, it first starts by being in your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem. In other words, you are so crystal clear on what you want. But more importantly, you're so crystal clear on who's compatible with you because we've been indoctrinated in this belief that chemistry equals relationship success. That's the furthest thing from the truth. If you haven't seen my chart called the relationship iceberg, please forgive the glare. Look at attraction, chemistry is above the waterline. Compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And within shared values is a shared vision of what you want in a relationship. These are the most critically important questions that need to be answered before the penis ever goes inside the vagina. But Jonathan, that's not what the other dating coaches tell me, they tell me I'm just supposed to be submissive because men really know what they're doing. Folks, men are mostly clueless. They're winging it, they're winging it. Don't get, you know, just because he plans a date and pays for dinner, that doesn't mean shit. I mean, it doesn't. It doesn't mean anything. It just means that he has the financial resources in that moment. There is so much more to the entertainment. Listen, we've hyper-focused on entertainment and romance and not enough on really going, does this person have the capacity to be in a relationship? Look, someone wrote a comment on this post that I had. She said, I completely agree with you Jonathan, conscious dating. Yet most people are out there dating because they're bored or lonely with no clue as to what they are doing. I feel bad for the conscious data seeking a life partner. They've got their vetting work cut out for them. See, if you're not familiar with, okay, not familiar with my chart, the three active people dating today. And by the way, please, this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion and please forgive the glare and the tininess of it, but just focus on the top where it says user, spenders and grower builders. Users are those people that seek short-term game, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled selfish people. They only care about their own needs. And while the top says, and by the way, these are represented in percentages of 20%, 60% and 20%. The spenders, I call them spenders because they'll spend time with you. They seek companionship, connection and sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful. Usually they have a dysfunctional life and the grower, the builders, they seek long-term commitment. They are emotionally grown up. They have good relationship skills. They have their act together. 80% of the population out there. And by the way, this is true for you women as well. You don't get off the hook. Cause everybody thinks they're the exception. That's the fallacy. That's the illusion. That's the delusion that's going on right now. Every human thinks they're the exception and not the rule. Well, let me raise my hand and say, I have dysfunctionality. I have dysfunctionality. I have issues. I have, you know, I'm a recovering anxious attacher. I have some abandonment issues. I have some fear issues. I even can't stand ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and relish. I have, I am grossed out by condiments. Okay. I've got issues. Okay. But what I'm clear and I'm totally clear on the following. I want to get remarried. I want to get remarried. So the way I'm dating differently today is with intentionality. It's all about building. It's about respecting the other person. Really, by the way, let me lean into this for a second. I really, I am no longer chasing sex anymore for probably 10 or 15 years after my divorce, I only cared about my own needs. I only cared about my own needs. And I realized chasing my own needs didn't fulfill me. Chasing sex didn't fulfill me. It didn't give me any joy. It didn't give me pleasure. What I recognize now is the importance to be intentional. And whether we get legally married or have a spiritual marriage or either live together, because I'm good with all three. And I recognize for those of us in midlife, marriage could be a sticky subject, especially from a legal perspective. And meaning marriage, a legal marriage is a relationship with the government. It's not a commitment you make to each other. It's a commitment you make to the government. And I recognize that that may not be the most perfect design, but the point is being intentional, operating from a place of respect and building trust with another human being. So I've adopted, I'm working on some new content. Okay, and I'm just gonna throw it out here today with everybody. I'm calling the new three date rule. And I'm still playing with this. So this hasn't been sorted out. But today, given that most people are meeting through dating apps and dating sites, I want you to recognize that the first date is actually the first phone call. That's actually the first date. A lot of people are texting each other then meeting quickly. And, or they're texting each other for a long period of time and planning the date. I'm telling you the first telephone call is the first date. Now, the first time you meet someone, and by the way, I wanna be careful the word date, okay? But the, because the first time you meet someone, it's really just a meeting. You're just doing the sniff test. You're just trying to see if you're, you know, you're trying to make sure that the pictures that you saw in the dating app are commensurate with what you meet in person. But honestly, by the way, this is the tricky part when two people have strong chemistry for one another on first date, they dive into the dynamic of dating without, they actually bypass the vetting process and they go straight to the honeymoon process, okay? And this leads to disaster. So the first date, when you first meeting them, it's just the sniff test, just to see if you're attracted to each other. And then if you guys decide to see each other again, you're just kind of reevaluating what happened on that first meeting, okay? Now, what happens after that is what I encourage is dating. And what I mean by conscious dating is you mutually take turns, planning events so you can get to know each other. See, the purpose of dating, it's a process of getting to know each other. And I invite you all to let go of the narrative that men are supposed to plan and pay, they're supposed to romance me, they're supposed to court me. Well, that's like a princess saying, daddy, daddy, daddy, I need you to plan everything, I need you to pay everything because you're my daddy. I'm here to say, if you wanna act like a queen, then show up in the process like a queen, show up engaged in the process, show up asking deeper questions. You know, a queen doesn't act passively, they don't act like a princess. They act like a sovereign being. And I want you to think of the process of people, two people getting together, not they're interviewing for the job of your boyfriend and you're interviewing for the job of their girlfriend. I don't like that one up, one down type of dynamic. I like two sovereign beings, like two partners in a law firm going, hey, do you think we should start a law firm together? Two sovereign beings saying, hey, let's see if we're a good fit for each other to start a law firm. That's called partnership. That's called partnership. And that's what I'm inviting everyone to today because if you wanna make a man chase you, the most important thing to do is to develop a solid, awesome, juicy, delicious friendship with this other person. See, when we are driven by our biology, when we're driven by our penises and our vaginas, we forget to develop the most important trait within a healthy, happy relationship that makes you wanna be with each other. And that is that awesome friendship, friendship on fire, as I've heard before. Interview any couple who have been married 30, 40, 50, 60 years and they're happily married. They all say the same thing. I married my best friend. Now that doesn't mean they were best friends and got married. What that means is their friendship. Think about your best friend. Isn't your best friend the person you wanna hang out with most? That's the person you wanna hang out with most in your life because there's a, it's not just about love. You like this person. You get along well. You communicate. You know, the one thing about true friends is you can share from your emotional side, your fears, your insecurities, your joys, your blessings. That's what this is all about. If you wanna get someone to chase you, it's most important to build that solid friendship along the physical intimacy. And by the way, let's be clear. Sex is part of the decision-making process as well. You know what? Look it, I get it. A lot of you ladies have been with men who suck in bed. And let me just tell you, some of you women aren't princesses in bed either. Just because you have a vagina doesn't necessarily make you any better in bed either. Okay? This is the problem we're faced with today. It is a lot more complicated versus when we were back in war and survival. This is why it's imperative to operate from a place of intentionality. And that's my invitation for you because you can never make a man chase you when he's acting hot and cold because the fact that he's acting hot and cold means there's absolute doubt. People who are serious about relationship choose people they have no doubts with. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours. And if you liked what I've shared, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. And in the show notes, guess what? You wanna schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's links below. Follow me on Instagram. Check out my private group where you can have direct access to me all below. Okay? All right. Those know my format when I'm live. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and I donate to causes like the Hoffman process, Inside Institute. I give scholarships to coaching as well. So again, our goal today is $50. Let's collect $50 today. Hit that little chat box, little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, hit that super thanks as well. So while we're waiting for questions to pop up and remember, write the word question and post the question there after, I wanna share with you with everyone that Marie called me yesterday or the day before yesterday, excuse my slurping. Oh, by the way, the coffee mug says I make the world go around, what do you do? I think coffee makes the world go around, but this is decaf. So Marie called me, for those who have been following my channel know I was in a significant relationship where we lived together and that lasted for about 14 months. We lived together for nine months. She didn't feel happy living here. There was some other personal things going on for her. She ended the relationship, moved from Los Angeles to Florida, okay? But she reached out to me and we ended up having a chat. And what's interesting is we kind of did an autopsy of the relationship. We did an autopsy of the relationship. I call it an autopsy. The body is dead. We opened up to find the cause of death and we had a very comfortable conscious conversation within the dynamic. And what I had this interesting observation is when we broke up, when the relationship ended, I should say, and we did a very conscious uncoupling, while initially I fought for the relationship, I realized if it's not right for one, it's not right for both. Let me repeat that, someone write that down. If it's not right for one, it's not right for both. But in the early breakup, we were both in reaction mode because we were reacting to the change of circumstance. And we probably weren't fully present, fully conscious to fully uncoupled. So by having this conversation six months later, it gave us an opportunity to reflect on some of the aspects of the relationship that didn't work for each other. There was some things that didn't work for me, there were some things that didn't work for her. And we did it in a very reflective manner, not with the intent of getting back together. We were two emotional grownups unpacking the relationship. Now, let me just share with you. This isn't an intent about getting back together. If you have an attachment towards the other person with the desire to get back together, it's not healthy, it may not be healthy to have these conversations because you can get sucked in. Neither one of us wants to get back together. We have no attachment to wanting to get back together. So I do invite six months after a relationship end having an autopsy conversation, if it's possible, that's a conscious way to uncouple. You know, I actually, you know what started the conversation? I began expressing all of the gratitude that I had for our relationship. I recited all the beautiful things that represent this person, because I think she's a beautiful person. I recognize that we were in two different places in our lives and most importantly, we had two different trajectories within our lives. She had a vision of her life that was different than mine. And in the beginning where we saw some commonalities, as we got to know each other deeper, we realized that this wasn't a good long-term fit. And the only reason we moved in together is because we did this stupid long, listen, long distance dating is already problematic. But if two people meet long distance, the most important thing to do is to be in the same city as soon as possible to determine the real value of a relationship, the most long-distance dating fizzle out anyway, okay? But sometimes people can spend years. And thankfully we dove into a relationship and we realized it didn't work out for either one of us and that's okay too. I learned so much about myself and my hope is she feels the same. But I express gratitude because I think two good people got together and it didn't work out and that's okay. And that's my message for everyone. We oftentimes blame the other person. We act like we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here in the United States. He was a narcissist, he was selfish, he was centered. You blame the other person without taking ownership on your own part. Okay, I just went on a rant. That's my two cents there today. All right, I wanted to give you that share. And we have, you know, and to the extent, by the way, we're not having incessant communication with one another. That's a dangerous thing to do. We check in, we say hi, and then we go back to our daily lives, okay? Hey, I wanna give Aurora props for the $20 Super Sticker. That means our goal left is $30. Give some love, thank you so much. All right, Elle wrote a question. Is it healthy to continue investing in a relationship with someone who goes a full day without communication and sees that as normal behavior? I'm supposed to not complain, thank you. You know what? You're not gonna like what I'm gonna say is I wonder if we should have a pattern. I think in a seven day, okay, let's say you're in a fully committed relationship, okay? You've agreed to monogamy and exclusivity and you're exploring a long-term relation. Like in other words, you're exploring partnership if that's the case. I think going a day or two, one day without communication is actually healthy. I think it's healthy to have your own space and not feel the pressure of having constant communication, constant validation. I was in a, you know, there were times when, I mean, Marie and I lived together and we spent a lot of 24 seven together. But before that relationship, I was in a relationship with someone where I'd come to her house on Thursday, I'd stay the weekend, leave on Monday. And when I left on Monday, we would oftentimes go like 24 hours without communicating because we needed to reacclimate to our own space for a little bit. So I think going 24 hours once a week is actually probably healthy. Now, I'm not, I'm just, again, if you don't, if you haven't built trust, if you haven't agreed to monogamy and exclusivity, I can understand the need for constant communication with each other. But the real problem is you have an established, you know, monogamy exclusivity and you have an established that you're on path for a fully long-term serious relationship. Those are just my two thoughts, okay? TS says, should I give up on a guy that's too cheap, haven't taken me out on a date, pay for a meal after two months. He's a computer programmer and makes about 120,000 a year. Well, I guess the question is, what do you guys do when you're together? Are you the one paying for all the dates? Is that what's happening? By the way, I'm a believer of reciprocity. They plan and take you on a date. You plan and take him out on a date. He plans and takes you on a date. You plan and take him out on a date. I believe in mutual reciprocity. So, and if that's not happening, it sounds to me, you guys aren't, this, but he makes 120,000 a year. Should I abandon this guy because he's too cheap? That's the wrong question. Has nothing to do with cheap. It's all about the intentionality. You guys aren't having deep conversation about the trajectory and how to get to long-term, that's the problem, okay, Tiaz? Or at least that's my speculation anyway. Okay. By the way, Kathy says, if you notice you're wearing the same shirt actually, in this picture, actually this is a completely different shirt. This is a collared shirt and it has different buttons. So just to let you know, you are not correct. But thank you for pointing that out. Elena says, if it's not right for one, it's not right for both exactly what I said earlier. All right, Jennifer's in the house. You know, Jennifer's one of my favorite names. I mean, amongst many, I have several favorite names. Jennifer happens to be one of my favorite names, mainly because I was in love with Jennifer Hart from Hart to Hart. Does anyone remember the show with Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers? Actually, I like the name Stephanie too. I had the biggest crush on, I had the biggest crush on their relationship. I mean, I'm still 40 years later, I'm still crushing on their relationship. But Jennifer and Jonathan, get it? Little personal insight into me. Question, I've been dating a guy for three weeks and we never talk on the phone. It's hard for me to connect with him emotionally because of this, I just can't connect via text. Well, you don't have a question, but I think it's very important in the early stages of dating to get on the telephone and talk in between. What's the purpose of that? By the way, has the penis gone in the vagina yet? Because if it has, you have every right to talk on the phone as much as you possibly want. So long as you have a day break once a week. Lena says, I like the autopsy word you chose. Yes, exactly. One of the things I do in my private coaching, see women reach out to me for help. They've, a relationship has ended. They call me for what's called an autopsy session. They give me all the details about the man they were in relationship and all the details about the relationship. And then we open up the body and see what the cause of death is. So Lindsay says long distance dating, long distance is a crock of shit. What I mean to, and by the way, if I said that in that vernacular, long distance dating is just hooking up with an airplane. Okay, you're just hooking up because they're oftentimes bubble. Either you're going to explore a fully committed relationship or not. It's cause it's problematic when you have distance because you can oftentimes, it's just long distance hooking up most of the time. Oh, the heater's going off. I should have turned that off. Okay, Rose wrote, question in your personal opinion, what places you would suggest I hang out to meet healthy, dateable men so I can drop the handkerchief? Thank you. You know, this is, by the way, I know so many coaches will tell you, do the things you love so you can meet single eligible men. Okay. That's one way of approaching it. Yeah, you can do the things you love. You can hang out at pickleball. You could hang out. What are the things you do to love? You can, like, you can go skiing. You can go stand a paddle board. You can go do the things you love, but are you really interacting with single eligible people? Probably not. Probably not. Interesting, I did a sound, like, but I'm a little bit smarter. I know where all the women are. Where are women at? Yoga studios, sound bath guided meditations. I went to one two weekends ago on a Friday night. Friday night, six o'clock. Sound bath, with sound bowls, okay? Sound bath, sound bowl meditation. 18 women and two men. And one of the guys was there with a girlfriend, so I literally had 17 women, some of them probably in relationships, some of them not, but I was in the target-rich environment. Yeah, I didn't want to create, I wasn't in a space of trying to hook up or drop my hanky, so to speak. I think the reality we have to deal with today is not asking the question where to go to meet. I think the more important question is how am I going to attract the partner I want? See, we're all looking for a needle in the haystack, and I know there's an article out there called Burn Down the Haystack. Well, that's violent in my mind. That's arson in my mind. My question is how do you become the magnetic attractor? How do you become the electromagnet? That's my question. How do you become the electromagnet to attract what you want? That's a really, that's the real question. How do you make yourself set yourself apart so somebody can see you from all of the people that are out there? That's something we explore in my private coaching schedule, a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. But ultimately, the reality is this question is you got to be out in public. But the problem is the public is filled with married people, people in relationship, people that are dysfunctional. I don't know if that, you know, I recommend going to personal development workshops. That's what I recommend, going to places where they're, by the way, a lot of men are at personal development workshops. Last week I was at the Abraham Hicks seminar. If you're not familiar with Abraham Hicks, 500 people, 500 people, half of them were men, half of them were women, start to go to places, start to go to venues where there are a lot of people that you can interact with. That would be my recommendation. Krista just wrote, even after the breakup, Jonathan, you're demonstrating deep respect and admiration for Mary instead of remaining attached and longing. That's clear separation from the norm of other guys. Yeah, you know, I mean, again, if it's not right for one person, it's not right for both people. So if it's not right for her, I'm not gonna change. I have too much self-respect to try to convince her to change her mind. But most importantly, she was a good person, you know? I recognize what, I recognize I have enough self-awareness to recognize that we were in two different places in our lives. We had two different life visions. I think we, to some degree, we did get hooked to the lust and limerence and fantasy of it all. I will, I'm not gonna whitewash that. We were physically attracted to each other. We wanted to have sex. You know, we really appreciate each other's heart, you know? Most people are good people. They're just wounded. Most people are good people. They're wounded. But I have weight, you know what? Here's the thing. And I'm gonna, speaking to you ladies out there, because so many of you blame your part, your previous relationship for the demise of the relationship. If I ever meet a woman in the future, whomever I meet in the future, if she throws her previous relationship under the bus and takes no ownership on her part, that's, I will not go out with her. I won't go out with her. Because that to me is someone who hasn't evolved. And I know Marie, I hope Marie has enough self-respect and self-enough respect for me that she wouldn't do the same either. We would say we were just in two different places in our lives and that's okay. That's okay. Thank you, Krista. Jade says, J.A. Rantz are usually a source of great information. You know, it's so funny. People complain, you never get to the point. You never get to the point. You never get to the point. My Rantz are where the gold is. So thank you, Jade, I appreciate it. Krista, what's the difference between hot and cold towards someone and considering a relationship with someone before taking the next step? Great question. Well, I think it's in the word itself, hot. They come on strong and then they get cold. And they come on strong and they get cold. And they come on strong. When you're evaluating someone, you're in a state of neutrality. You're in a state of neutrality. You're not pursuing. Okay, I'm gonna share something very personal with everyone. I am meeting someone tomorrow, okay? Now I want you to be clear with everyone. I'm not calling this a date, okay? This is someone, interestingly enough, we connected through a dating app, oh, God, a couple years ago, or a year ago, actually. And then we met, then we got, we went to a, I went to a singles mixer put on by a matchmaker of 25 men, 25 women. And she was there and she recognized me. She recognized me professionally and she recognized me from the app. So we talked on the phone a couple of times, but I'm not pursuing her. I don't know if I'd like her yet. I think, to the extent that I liked her enough, we had a nice conversation, but I'm not pursuing based on my penis doing all the work, okay? When the penis is doing all the work, it's all about trying to find that place to go hide. So we're meeting up tomorrow very casually, no expectation of a date, just like two people meeting. I don't know if I like her enough to wanna pursue anything with her. And maybe afterwards we do see each other again, who knows, I don't know. See, I think too much pressure is put on dating today. We have so much fucking pressure that it's supposed to go somewhere instead of actually just getting to know another human being. Now I do believe if you begin dating one person, you should, you know, dating someone, you should only date someone one at a time. That's my belief system. This is just a place of curiosity. I think people should, the first couple meetings should simply be curious. Should be without romantic intent. But Jonathan, men are supposed to pan and pay for dates because then I know they're interested. We gotta throw this gender rhetoric out the window. I invite you all to read the book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, it throws, by the way, chapter nine, how to date from the heart, not from gender expectations. That's my invitation for a ride. Okay, that was just a little rant, so thank you. Billy Holt is in the house. Hey, Billy, what exactly does a man want from a long-term goal relationship? Well, okay, that is such a, just such a humongous generalized question, okay? Well, first you should have said, what exactly do men want for them? We get down granular. What does a man want? Well, each person is different. See, most humans are so lonely, they want companionship, connection and sex that they haven't really recognized that human pair bonding is sacred. See, it's no longer sacred anymore. Each man is different, Billy. Some men are grower builders, like I am. Some men are users, some men are spenders. They just want to spend time with you. So the question is not granular enough. Ask me something specific that happened in your life. Hey, Fundy says, loving your book, Jonathan will share with my daughters. I've read it with your voice, sounds great. Oh, thank you so much. My audio book was actually a dear friend of mine who read it. Let's keep going. Okay, Trista is in the house. By the way, our goal is another $30. Hit that little dollar sign in the chat. Oh, who wants to join the hot seat this morning? Who wants to join the hot seat? By the way, there's a link there. If you want to get on live with me and chat with me. Trista says, what's the best way to handle a fire sign when upset since you're a Leo? You know, I don't know enough about astrology to answer fire signs, water sign, air sign, earth sign. I don't know enough that. What's the best way to handle when someone's upset? When someone's upset, just be neutral. Because what is, you don't need to fuel the fire, okay? By talking, just let them, let them think about that. How does a fire go out? You just, it burns up all the air in the room. Excuse me. When you stop giving it oxygen, it'll burn out on its own. So just don't engage. Just listen until they're done. Now, if they're not an emotional grown-up, by the way, if you're not familiar with the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Chapter two. Chapter two, agree to disagree, addressing conflict. Addressing conflict, the book, eight dates, okay? Most, remember I said earlier in this conversation we have two emotional children. Most emotional children don't know how to address conflict. So first just let the oxygen burn out on its own. That's my invitation for you. Long-distance dating is searly hooking up with an airplane, exactly. Okay, Jojica says, if you wanna meet men, go to coffee shops walking the Dog Sports Center. I mean, it's like a broken clock. It happens twice a day. But it's, again, remember, most people don't walk up, most men don't walk up to strangers. You'd have to drop a really gigantic hanky to get some, some woman have to walk up to me and say, hey, you're cute. Would you like to talk? Like that's the equivalent of the hanky drop. It would have to be that smacked in my face to get my attention. And then if it's based on looks, is that really a valuable connection? I don't know, just, just putting it out there. All right, hey, Valerie is in the house. Can a man be hot and cold because he's frustrated that we live in different states? He tells me it's torture and he gets cranky. He may think, he may think why Invest wants to move here. I'm in California, him in New Jersey. Well, again, you most likely are doing long distance hooking up and he doesn't like the space in between. Yes, that's, by the way, absolutely. You know, they're gonna absolutely hot. And by the way, they're usually not always, most men are actively seeking someone local to fill your shoes, okay? So he wants to move here. Well, wanting to and doing is like, I wanna be a professional golfer. Does that mean I'm gonna do it? No, I'm not capable of it. You gotta listen, if this is, by the way, Marie and I within the first 90 days, we had a serious conversation. And then we actually had talked about moving together like after six months of dating, but something came up where it was a perfect fit. But we had a serious radical conversation very early on. Otherwise you're just doing long distance hooking up most likely. Jojica says, I think Jonathan is right when you're in the right set of mind and shine, attract people genuine manner, exactly. Let's keep going. Hey, one of my Facebook member groups says, I loved Heart to Heart. That was an awesome show. I always dreamed of being Mrs. Hart, Stephanie Powers was and still is beautiful. Yeah, that was such a cute show. Hey, Valerie just gave us a $10 super sticker. That just means we're $20 away from our goal of $50 tonight. But today, excuse me, it's morning. Elle says, question, I still feel the need to explore other connections while in a relationship. Does that mean he's not the one? And should I let him go or continue to? Well, Elle, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? By the way, if you're having regular sex together, that's fucking bullshit, okay? If two people are having regular sex together, then it is absolute bullshit to be putting yourself still out there. I just, I have no respect for that. Look at, if two people having regular sex, then you either, you shit or get off the pot. Are we exploring something serious or not? That's my belief system. You don't have to adopt that. That's just my belief system. Rose says that answer strongly resonates with me. Thank you, Jonathan. Corny Cobb has a personal question to ask me. If you get married again, what do you want your wedding to look like? You know, I just want to, actually I most likely want a spiritual wedding. I want it to be informal. Probably have my son as my best man. Can keep it simple. I don't know, you know, actually I have this wild idea. I have this wild idea to going to Vegas and having Elvis. I swear to God, could you, like, I mean, think about this. I'm at a stage in my life where, could you imagine, you know, like I'm not 85 years old and going honey, can you fucking believe we had Elvis Marius? I don't, it doesn't have to, first off, I do not want something grand. But if Elvis married us, we come back and have a party with all my friends. That's what I would, I think that's, I'm just putting it out there. So thank you so much. By the way, for your folks, you're welcome to ask me any personal question you'd like. Okay. One of my Facebook members also says, Jonathan, what about men when a man cheats on you? How do you take it first? How do I take responsibility for that? I broke up as soon as I found out. Well, you have, let's do the autopsy. What was happening within the relationship or what wasn't happening in within the relationship that you can take ownership of that actually put a person in a position to cheat? Well, Jonathan was a long distance dynamic. Well, all right, right there. I'm using that as an example. You chose a long distance. But Jonathan, we only saw each other once every three weeks. Again, you put yourself in a position where you weren't actively getting to know one another. Jonathan, we weren't really good friends. Well, you guys didn't develop the friendship because two friends don't cheat on one another. So there are a lot of things that you are responsible for or accepted. Again, the cheating is a symptom of a problem in the relationship. That's what you take ownership of. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Debra says, when someone is upset, you listen. That's exactly what I was saying. You let them burn up the oxygen. I meant by listening, okay? If I didn't say that clearly, I'm saying it now. Thank you, Debra. Debra, why don't you join the hot seat and let us know how your long distance dynamic is working out right now. You guys are in two separate continents. Why don't you tell us? Billy says, after spending time together and listening to what he wants, shouldn't I show him I listen and cared about his thoughts and feelings? Absolutely. Oh, you were talking about when, oh, well, you were talking about when someone's upset. So yeah, you listen, repeat what he said. Okay, so healthy communication is validating another person's point, acknowledging and validating another person's point of view even if it differs on your and making sure you acknowledge that their feelings are true for them. Okay, it's important to, by the way, that's what we learn in nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Definitely, absolutely. I definitely recommend that. Sorry if I didn't articulate that earlier with that question. Okay, Lighthouse says, when someone is upset, try to leave if you can. Take a break, don't add to it like Jonathan said. I don't, no, I don't believe in walking away. Just let them, let them err, you know? Because that's just, I think by walking away, you just create more problem. That's just my belief system, but I could be wrong. By the way, folks, I'm here to say my, I'm not giving advice, I'm just giving perspective, okay? Yeah, it's designed in advice and whatnot, but I'm just merely sharing a perspective. Just like looking at a prism. By the way, when you look, is anyone looked at a prism and you see different colors? They're just all different perspectives. That's all I offer is perspective. You got to make your own choices. Question, speaking for myself, the problem sometimes isn't about not able to let go of the past relationship. It's when a man, my ex, and ends up weaponizing and any info he has on previous boyfriend to deflect issues we have. Look, there is a lot of emotionally fucked up people out there that exists. When a relationship ends, just move on, you know? You said he's weaponizing, you know, my ex, wait, wait, wait, it's when some man, my ex, ends up weaponizing any info he has on a previous boyfriend. Yeah, if it's an ex-husband, you know what? You married the guy, it's the consequences of marriage. That's the other thing, the consequence of marriage is we could have married a really a lot of fucked up people. Maybe moving out of state, I mean, it'd be probably hard to do with children, but that's, I wonder if that's our karma, I don't know, but I'm sad to hear that happens, just be in your own, be in your own lane and focus on your own wellbeing. That's the most important advice I can give you, be in your own lane and focus on your own wellbeing. Pam says, question three of us nice looking, wait, three, if us nice looking, fun loving women, get out there and don't meet men that interest us. Other people say most men would be intimidated by us. What should we do? Three women out at night on the town, you're intimidating. By the way, I can't stand this conversation of intimidation, like a man's penis shrinks, because three women were out on the town. Look it, walking up to total, I'm assuming here this question, walking up to total strangers is not easy. That's not, it is intimidating because what's the intimidation? Rejection. But Jonathan, I need to be with a strong, confident man who isn't afraid to walk up to a stranger and make a fool of himself because that demonstrates confidence and I need to be with a confident man. Look it, you women are just as fucked up as guys are. Okay? This whole idea of confidence, we're swimming with a lot of emotional insecurity for most human beings. So let's not judge a person because they have a fear. Judging people for fear is real, just as bad, shame on you too kind of thing. Anyway, that's just my rant on that. All right, thanks for your question. Jonathan, and by the way, if you have a question, write the word question. My soldier still hasn't gotten the word that he isn't going. So we're operating that he's leaving on the 28th and I've decided I definitely wanna keep in touch with him. Okay, Aurora shared with us, I vaguely have this memory of a person that she's in relationship with that's gonna be going deployed. So until the answer comes the question of whether or not he gets deployed, just keep being curious to see if it's a fit. If you guys are having sex, you're fucked, Aurora, because you're already attached to him. I don't care. If you guys are having sex, you're already attached to him and this is the consequence of choosing somebody in that position. Whether you like it or not, you gotta take ownership of your part. Okay? All right, let's keep going. Again, if you have a personal question, ask me a personal question if you are interested. Beach Lover says, describe some ways to drop the hanky. I'm not sure what qualifies. You know what? Okay, this is what, you know, stare at a guy for six seconds, turn away and then stare again for three seconds. You know, ask to work if he's looking at you. I mean, that's one of the hardest things to do. What is dropping the hanky? So I knew a woman who threw an at a bar through an ice cube at a guy to get his attention. That's what she did. She threw an ice cube at the guy. She was in her mid forties at the time. I'm just gonna say it was not a 60 year old woman. She was in her mid or early forties, I should say. That's certainly getting a guy's attention. You know, the question is, well then grab a hanky and drop it in front of them. That's dropping the hanky. I don't know if this looking at someone for six seconds works, you know, looking for someone at six seconds, turn away and looks. I mean, you know, I don't know if that works unless he's, by the way, because you have no idea if he's single, he's married, he's, you know, what's going, if he's straight or gay, you know, we don't know anything. So I guess the real question is walking up to somebody and saying, hi, you know, I'm not, listen, I'm not the expert at meeting people publicly or organically. I'm trying to think of the last time I met someone. Well, I remember meeting someone, by the way, by the way, really quickly, let me just share with you all a meme that I posted, you get a kick out of this. So the quote I wrote was ditch dating apps and do the following. And it says, meet people the old fashioned way through alcohol and poor judgment. Okay, that was a bar. You know, when alcohol, well, by the way, you know what it used to be? Okay, let's do this, dancing. Oh, dancing, you know, sorry for the fuzziness. Going to, going dancing. You know, you can walk up to someone and say, would you like to dance? You know, by the way, I see that it's fuzzy right now. I apologize for the camera. Shoot, darn it. Oh, well, sorry for the fuzziness. Yeah, going to dance, I forgot to mention that earlier. Where to go, go dancing. That was the number one place to meet people when you're out dancing. So anyway, oh, by the way, the camera's back. Because you can walk up to someone and say, would you like to dance? Let's keep going. Jennifer's back in the house. I said his behavior was sketched because he doesn't text back for sometimes the next day. Now he's mad and said, this isn't true. Said he talks about this in a week because he's mad. Well, he's not, you know, this is where emotional children who are in relationship don't do a good job of communicating their needs and wants. And it's probably because it's a casual relationship and in casual relationships, you're going to have dynamics like this. I'm sorry, Jennifer. Jamin says, women have to make the first move. Men won't anymore, too dangerous. Yeah, rejection sucks, you know? But again, when you're doing it with strangers, your odds of success are one out of 100 anyway. Elle says, I need personal coaching. How availability afford you are, I'm ready. So folks, if you want to schedule, you know, if you want to schedule a, by the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Deborah asked me to post the link again. Let's keep going here. Oh, okay, we've got, we've got hope in the house. Let's keep going. Oh my God. I've got hope in the house. Hey there. That's me. Oh, okay, we've got, we've got hope in the house. By the way, we can hear me elsewhere. You got it. Oh, okay. Hang on. Hey there. Oh, okay, we've got, we've got hope in the house. By the way, we can hear me elsewhere. You got it. Oh, okay. Hang on. Hey there. Is that better? Oh, okay. We've got, we've got, we've got hope in the house. You need to run me on a TV or something else. Oh, okay. Hang on. This is down. I don't know if you can hear me. Oh, I'm sorry. Until you fix it, I'm going to either have to bump you or... I'm sorry, I've got to bump you. I'm sorry, I've got to bump you. I've got to bump you. I've got to bump you. I've got to bump you. I've got to bump you. There. You can't hear me. I'm sorry, I didn't know I didn't know how to do it. Sorry about that. Hope, but we're just getting the feedback from, either you had, you know, had it on on another device. It was because you were using your Bluetooth, probably. Okay, let's keep going. Oh, this is interesting. Jonathan, this is Seth, Deb's long distance relationship. Love your show. Okay, really quickly. This is going to be a video coming out. Deb, who's in the, on the channel regularly. She's in a long distance relationship with a man. They live in two separate countries. They're actually going to be meeting up, I believe, very soon. And they're going to be exploring a long-term relationship. It'll be interesting to see what happens in this dynamic. Statistically speaking, Seth, I don't know if the odds are with you, but I'm hopeful that your dynamic will work out. But thanks for jumping on the show. That takes, I appreciate you sharing that. So thank you. Question, what's your rising sign? I think every sign I have is Leo. Seth comes back. This is, says what, why do you mean long distance dating is hooking up? Okay, let's think about this for a moment. Most people that do long distance dating, first off, they built, usually they communicate for a long period of time before they physically meet each other. And usually there's a shitload of sexual tension is built and almost it's guaranteed there's going to be sex when they meet. Okay, that's number one. Then what happens is they experience this bubble experience, okay? Then they go back to their respective homes and they still have this sexual tension going on. So they hook up again, they meet up again, and it's in a bubble environment and they have sex and they have this bubble. Bubble basically means you're in a bubble. It's not day in, day out, going shopping together, having to fix a flat tire together, having to go to the dry cleaning together, meeting family and friends together. So what happens is in a lot, if not most long distance dynamic, they get together, they hook up, have great sex, they go back to their respective homes, they live their lives, their mundane lives, and then they get together with a lot of excitement in a bubble, have sex together, and they go back to their mundane lives. And I'm saying mundane is real love is built through the mundane. It's through the normal type of stuff and long distance is usually excitement, fun, and sex. That's what I meant by that stuff. Let's keep going here. All right, oh, let's keep going here. Sorry, I'm just looking. Oh, here's Sue Ann. I've been dating online for over 20 years. My profile is honest about what I'm looking for. However, I find men message me based on my picture and not on my content of my profile. Well, I'm sorry that that's you've been your experience, but you have no question there, so I don't know what you're asking. Oh, by the way, I'm gonna tell you something, Sue Ann, 99 out of 100 dating profiles I look at are a piece of shit. I'm sorry, everybody thinks there's, everybody has this delusional fantasy of why their profile is different. Well, I get lots of men emailing me and liking me. Well, that doesn't mean shit, okay? Most of you have not curated a really good dating profile and that's the biggest problem out there. That's just my two cents, okay? Hope's back in the morning. We're not curated a really good dating profile. We still have that problem. Sorry. Hi. Can you hear me now? We still hear you in the background. We still have that problem. Haven't. Sorry, Hope, we still have the problem. I hear me in the background and it's not gonna work. Sorry. I don't know if you can hear it, but I hear me in the background. That means it's recording that way. Mute your YouTube. Mute your YouTube. Okay. Actually, Stacy says, Jonathan, you need to write dating profiles for all of us. There is a service out there by the dating coach named Evan Mark Katz. He has a service called E-Sirino for $299. You can have a professionally written profile. You get a conversation with a professional and they write your profile for you. Now, Jonathan, $299. I have to spend that much money. I gotta tell you, it fucking drives me crazy how human beings think 299, their love life isn't worth $299. I hear this all the time. That's way too much money. So many of you have this fantasy that it should be free and easy. No, you gotta make an investment in your love life. Okay, I'm done ranting. Phyllis says, I met my friend at a Christmas party. Great, that's a great way to meet people. By the way, I think we need to go back to dance. By the way, up until, think about the 1930s, 40s, 50s, most people met at dance halls. I think we need to go back to dancing. That's the way to meet. Here, I'll write down Evan Mark Katz. Google him. He has a service called E-Sirino, E-Sirino. Sirino de Bergerac, E-Sirino, get it? Hey, you know what? It's Saturday. I've had a lot of fun with you guys. It was fun. I'm sorry, hope it didn't work out. Lady Citra says, women will spend 299s on stuff. That's the funny part. You'll drop 200 bucks on shoes, but I've had women complain about paying for dating sites, paying for services to help them improve their life. So anyway, thank you. So I oftentimes have to wonder why am I in the space I'm in? Why am I still single? That's the question. And to the extent is why haven't I met my life partner? I recognize folks that I have a lot of patterns in my life of choosing women like my mother. I have a lot of patterns of abandoning my needs. When I say a lot of patterns, I have a pattern of choosing women like my mother, abandoning my own needs, being insecure, being fearful. I'm just a human being like most everyone else, okay? In addition, I'm picky. Okay, I'm gonna own it. I'm picky. I don't want mediocre. You know, I want something extraordinary. And I'm superficial, you know? You guys thought Marie was gorgeous. She's gorgeous, particularly being a woman over 55 years old. I'm superficial too. I'm just owning it, okay? And by the way, please forgive the pit stains. I'm burning up because the heater went on. So I'm in the same trap you are all in. I'm superficial, I'm picky. I'm scared. I'm tired. I'm burnt out. I'm frustrated. I get it. I get it. It's not easy. Anyone who makes it think like this is easy. Lighthouse said you need a sugar mama. No, I don't need a sugar mama. I want a woman who can support herself and can take care of herself absolutely, but I don't need a sugar mama. You know, because that basically gives someone my power and I refuse to give someone my power. But there's nothing easy about this process. So what if in this lifetime I don't meet my soulmate? I know my next lifetime I will or the one after that. Who knows? I have no idea. What's most important is that you, my invitation for everyone is how do you find inner peace? How do you find joy in your life? Well, first off, if you're in an unhealthy toxic relationship and that relationship, okay? Number two, do the personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can find your center, your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, okay? And put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people. You have to learn to flirt. You have to learn to pick better. And also most important, you have to learn how to be in a healthy, happy relationship. You know, if every relationship is preparing you, if every relationship was a gift, what's it preparing you for? So I oftentimes think of, am I, you know, like, Jonathan, how can you coach if you're not in a relationship? Well, I recognize that I didn't get married a decade ago and made babies and raised children. I'm in the trenches with you. I get it. I get the challenges. It's like the doctor who's gone through cancer. I know what it feels like. And what's most, my message for everyone, my greatest message for everyone, really, to the extent that I'm a dating and relationship coach, my message to everyone is this, define that space within yourself to love yourself. That's my message for everyone. And just like Deborah wrote right here, personal development, self-help, spiritual work, it won't work because introspection is the key. Taking ownership of one's life and finding the joy within there and then becoming a magnetic attractor for someone who meets you there. See, we are most human beings are dating unconsciously. That's what I started this conversation. And my invitation for everyone is to date from a more conscious perspective. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Thank you for allowing me to be in your lives for the last hour or so. I hope you've got value from this. If you did, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. And if you went this far, please hit that like button. Please share this video and please subscribe to my channel as well. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jothin Barak of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face, oh, 11, 11, 11, 11. Right at that moment. And anyways, I lost my, give your friend a pet, a teddy bear pillow hug because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Hope and Deborah and Kristen Arora and Billy and Jameson Arora, Lady, Susie, Kathy, Lighthouse, Facebook member CeCe, Ba Ba Phyllis, Jill's in the house, Rose. Hope, we said earlier, everyone big hugs. Thanks so much. Wishing you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic day. Be well. Bye now.