 a place I shouldn't have been. I guess it depends on, like for me, it was a lot of places I shouldn't have been, but the first place I can remember that I shouldn't have been is pulling a gun on my stepdad at age eight. You on boss talk one on one, one on one. Here we gon' talk. Same thing with Smoke D. Like what's something that transpired in your life? And I don't know, you don't know where to start. He like, I don't know, I just don't know where to start, you know what I'm saying? Like at a time in your life where you came to a roadblock or you came to a stumble, you came to a place where you shouldn't have been or you came to a place where you had a show that changed your life. Probably, like. Cause you overcame, cause you're still here right now. So you overcame it. Because people are watching this show, kids are watching this show, adults are watching shows that's going through choices right now that could end them up in a casket. Um, a place I shouldn't have been. I guess it depends on, like for me, it was a lot of places I shouldn't have been, but the first place I can remember that I shouldn't have been is pulling a gun on my stepdad at age eight. Eight years old? Yes, man. To protect my mom, right? My family come from a family of pistol shooters and guns and mean, you know, old country way type deal. You know, when the men are the protectors, we're not allowed to look below the waist of the women in our family. So no, no. And I'm just what I was raised to be. A protector, you know? So, I mean, that's any child, any male child or any child, someone hit your mom, you had an understanding of a child. You know, you see people with guns around you. You understand what guns can do. And so I guess I was kind of like, it was more of a mental incarceration, trying to figure things out that I didn't understand. And my mind couldn't, it couldn't register them because I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know the word to go with, you know, PTSD or whatever it was. So that was kind of my first understanding of fear because at age, I was fearful. But then like, I knew in my heart, I was going to shoot him. I feel that way now, but my mom didn't let me. She got in front of my mom back there. What's up, mom? Yeah, she got in front of him and that confused me. You know, as a child, okay, if not just somebody's beating your mom up, you won't kill him. Why are you standing in front of somebody that's beating you up, right? But it wasn't about him. It was about me. And it took me years. So those kind of traumatizing things, they like psychologically, they just put you in a place. So you already kind of just set up based on the way the system has your neighborhood, the social security, all of these things system, systematic things set up in play to even aid, you know what I'm saying? Be a catalyst for you to get, you know, to a place to where you can, you know, be served a bad way of life. The whole time you're saying that, he always tell me, I watch too many movies. I'm like, I've seen that in a movie. Exactly what you just described. Where a kid will pull a gun on the stepdad or the boyfriend or whoever and the mom went in front and he was mad, the same thing. Exactly the same thing. She was trying to prevent him throwing his life away. His life away. Off of raw emotion. Exactly. And reacting off of raw emotion. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. She was willing to save your life and through no matter what you just experienced, you were still more important in that situation. But you know what, bro? She fixed my, it's here. I mean, we was just downstairs. You seen how the dudes came. We was just here. I'm just saying this because I'm a real time thinker, right? Now I noticed the man that's sitting there and he didn't took a drink and the drink didn't took him. You see? So he figured he smooth and he dabbed over there to where he see a bunch of women over there. Maybe drunk, maybe blind or whatever he is, but he came wrong. His spirit was wrong. Absolutely wrong. And I reacted in a way that I don't want to react no more. You know? That incarceration, it took my smiles. It took the emotions that I wanted to use. My mom ain't give us no hugs. We ain't got time for no hugs. You better, you know? Because she's trying to raise men. Right. We couldn't come back home with a loss. You go out there, you win. Don't come back home losing. You know, and that puts you in a situation to where, you know, it's unnatural because my father should be telling me that, not her. And she, God bless her soul, them broke daylight to be dark to provide a way for us. Now we had a great life. My mom full of bread, but it wasn't here. She didn't have time. She spent time working. And I got, you know, whoever she was mad to, I had to be scared of him until I was 16. Then I really tried to kill him. Like for real, for real, to the point she had to leave him, right? So it's that kind of aggression that's carried over from a childhood trauma to a situation right now. I don't like to play. It's a bunch of women over here and here, you come, you're drunk behind over here, it's a little bit of garbage. Man, you better go. Yeah, pull it in. Like go, I don't know. You want this. And I don't want to be like that, bro. No, I get it, man. I want a more diplomatic way to handle situations when I proceed them as a threat, right? But let me ask you a question and this goes to all of you. Do you think in situations like that, it would have been helpful if or hurtful because when you're dealing with boys, it's a thin line, especially with a woman, you don't want to turn them soft. You're trying to make them into men. But like to turn around and explain to a child, the reason why I did this is because of this. I don't know if your mom explained to you at that moment in time. Of course, after she de-escalated the situation, it's not because of him, it's because of you. Right. Did she explain that at that moment in time? Communication isn't usually never there in the black family. I'm not sure. I'm not sure my mom is mean or the better. Yeah, because you get your ass whooped doing that. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing that. That right there gets your ass whooped. I'm not sure. I think I just figured it out. First of all, what you doing grabbing that damn gun anyway? You gonna get my granddad and them and grab them on them whoop you for doing anything. You gonna get a whooping even though you done it. And your brother too, if he were with you, whatever, whoever in there can get it. You know what I mean? At eight? Oh man, everybody get a whooping and the dog too. Whoever, he get hit, all that. So that's what I'm saying. Like, I get it, you know, mom didn't explain it. My mom shouted, my dad, I was five, so I get it. You know, like, I was standing there. Like four. But if we're not left with our own imagination and trying to figure stuff out, because a lot of times, even as adults, when somebody do something, say your spouse and she react a certain way, in your mind you're thinking, that's the reason why, but it's really not the reason why and that can make you react differently instead of actually coming to her and say, why did you do that? And having her explain herself honestly, you know what I mean? It's miscommunication in any situation, in any household that causes, you know, that outcome. That's the reason why I was asking that. Tim Smolley used to say communication rules the nation. You know, and you got the patience to wanna have that. Exactly. Some people don't feel like they're obligated to tell you nothing, you know what I'm saying? Because of what they learned. Their parents didn't, you know, talk to them so why am I trying to do this to you? Correct, correct.