 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. This is not how I planned the setup for the video, but as soon as I sat down, the puppies deemed that it's cuddle time and who am I to disappoint. It is a snowy, you know, the cozy, staying-a-hoodie kind of day here in Colorado and I'm feeling controversial. So right off the bat, I might not say the politically correct thing in this video and if that's the case, I hope you'll educate me. I am thoroughly open to having my opinion changed on this but there's something that I see going on in my community sometimes that doesn't sit right with me. I'm trying to have a serious talk and that is the way in which we address ableism. So there I was scrolling through TikTok the other day and I came across a video that upset me but maybe not for the reason that you would think. Apparently there is something called the deaf-blind mute challenge going around where three friends will like try to bake a cake or something. One won't be allowed to hear anything, one has a blindfold, can't see anything and the other friend can't say anything. It's kind of like this just like funny, you know, TikTok trend. Potentially problematic but we'll come back to that. This video was pointing out the fact that this is a very ableist trend. Like you are taking people's life experiences of being a blind person or being a deaf person and turning into a TikTok challenge and entertainment and not doing a good job of showcasing maybe how we should be talking about these topics. That perspective I can totally understand but the problem was the way that this was pointed out. This creator in particular was talking down to anyone who would be making this challenge was saying like that's ableist you shouldn't do that in a tone of understandable judgment and anger. To my knowledge this is not a creator who talks about disability normally, they were just like pointing out here's a problem. I really didn't sit right with me because it hit on something that I have been wanting to talk about for a long time but I have been scared to. I don't want to offend anyone in my community. I don't want to say the wrong thing but I'm gonna say the thing that I'm thinking and then be open to learning. Is ableism a problem? Oh yeah, absolutely. It's everywhere. But is the way that we are addressing and talking about it actually helpful for change? Personally, I don't think so. But before we dive into the meat of this video a quick word from our sponsor. A huge thank you to our returning sponsor Blue Land. As you may know, I recently moved meaning I did a lot of cleaning of the old place and the new one. And Blue Land which is what I used to clean came in fantastically handy. So I've actually used the cleaning products away before. They sponsored me. 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To stock up on sustainable cleaning products for yourself or to give a beautiful and sustainable gift to a friend, family, loved one this holiday season, click the link in my description box. Check out that link to up your cleaning game today. Someone's feeling needy. Thank you so much, Blue Land, for sponsoring another one of my videos. I really appreciate it. Checking them out helped support this channel and with that being said, let's jump back into it. Are you guys gonna behave? They're never gonna behave. Oh, I found a spot. Man, the lighting in this video is just not great. Nothing I can do about it now. Okay, so if you are not familiar with what ableism is, it's basically discrimination against disabled people in favor of able-bodied people. That video could be and probably should be one in and of itself because there are so many constant examples of how our society is built, not for people who are disabled. And along with that comes a lot of intentional and unintentional harm. So being a member of the disabled community, having experienced a little bit of this, but honestly, I've been lucky not much. I see it as a major issue. I want to open people's eyes to what living with a disability is actually like. That's a huge reason that I have this channel, that I make the short videos and the TikToks that I do. I want to sort of be an entry point for someone to be able to ask questions to see me as a person who is missing a leg. That's an aspect of my life. And like, let's talk about it. Let's make things less uncomfortable. Really big end of that. I am all for reducing and maybe one day eliminating ableism from our societies as culture moves forward. But so very often when I hear conversations when someone is calling out something as ableist, the way that it is presented is often very off-putting, sometimes hostile, and certainly there are instances where that's okay, but I don't believe that that is where change actually happens. I mean, like if someone came up to me and was like, Jill, you're a real piece of trash person. My immediate reaction is not to be like, oh wow, you know, I never thought about it that way. Let me go re-examine everything for you because you pointed out that I'm a piece of trash and that really matters to me. And I am now inspired to change. Generally speaking, if you come at someone with hostility, especially about something that they may be unaware of, like a lot of people don't know that that challenge just definitely has ableist tones to it. If we come at these conversations with like finger pointing, like you did something wrong, specifically when that person is probably unaware of the fact that they were crossing any boundaries or lines, that shuts down motivation and desire to change and generally makes people really on the defense. It becomes a story about, yeah, I was just doing, I just was having fun with my friends. I just wanted to do this challenge and now I'm apparently an ableist piece of crap. Instead of perhaps with compassion and patience, which we will circle back to in just a moment, pointing out to someone, hey, I saw that video, for example, and as someone who is part or cares about the disabled community, I feel like it might not be in great taste and here's why. Here's what ableism is. Here are the things it reinforces. Here's why I think it's not a good idea to maybe continue making videos like that. Can we have a conversation about that? You are inviting someone in, you're not assuming their intent, you're not expecting them to know something that they never been taught before. I can think of quite a few instances in my life where people have done this for me, where I've said or I did something that crossed lines, that I didn't know were crossing lines and they graciously pointed it out, invited me into a conversation and I had the opportunity to learn something, to change a little bit, to have my eyes open to something I was previously unaware of, but I've also had people come to me in hostility, pointing fingers, I hate pointing fingers, I hate even doing it at the camera to you because nobody likes that. It doesn't evoke a good reaction generally speaking. A very important caveat to all of this, as a disabled person, should I be required to nicely, compassionately, graciously, patiently, explain to someone why them saying that they would kill themselves in a heartbeat if they ever lost a leg, you know, is not a great thing to say or hear. Do I have an obligation to be like, hey, heard your comment, totally understand where you're coming from, I used to feel that way myself, but here's the thing, now that I am disabled, hearing things like that really feel like you're invalidating my entire life, like you're saying that I shouldn't continue existing, I shouldn't continue living or that other disabled people shouldn't because their lives wouldn't even be worth it because you would end it if it happened to you. That's how it comes across, I know it wasn't meant that way, but like, can we talk about that? Versus being like, wow, thanks for telling me my life is meaningless, you jerk. Should I be required to educate and sit with someone? No, absolutely not. However, one of the viciously unfair things about life is that when a group of people is being oppressed, looked down on, minimized, you name it, so often they are the people who have to do the hard work. That isn't fair, but I do feel like it is a reality of life. And at least for me personally, if we're gonna get on public platforms, trying to implement long-term societal change in how people who are disabled are seen, the most effective way to do that is not through anger and finger-pointing and telling someone they fucked up. How dare they? It is so much faster and more effective to speak to someone not assuming their intention, ask if you can have a conversation, ask questions, point things out, still treat them like they're a human being too. Because I know at least for me, I've never really wanted to change when someone told me that I was awful. Because for me personally, if someone's assuming my intent and then telling me why I'm a bad person for that intent that was assumed that might be incorrect, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't really wanna come to your party. I think it is extraordinarily unfair that so often when you are in the group of people that is being kicked, someone's asking you to be nice about it. And there are many situations in which I do not think that that is the best response. Anger, frustration, all of that is entirely justified and I'm not trying to downplay that, but I am saying that if we are going to take to public platforms to call things out, I feel like it would be vastly more beneficial if we did so treating other people like they're still human too, like they probably didn't mean to mess something up, presenting them like with an opportunity to change and have a conversation, rather than only speaking in a way that tends to alienate people. At least I can say that that is what I try to do. That's the approach that I take. I've found it to be effective. Have I stuck with that 100% of the time? No, no, no. There's certainly some times when people have said things that were, you know, that just like hit a nerve in me. And additionally, one other thing I want to point out is that I have seen quite a few videos over the past year or so of creators who at least don't talk about being disabled, whether or not they are, I can't tell you, but they'll take a stand for the disabled community as someone who is most likely not a member of that community from what they're saying and they'll point fingers and tell other people that they're doing it wrong because they figured it out, right? Like they figured out how not to be ableist and now it's their job to show everybody that too. But unfortunately, so often that comes across as virtue signaling. It honestly feels like someone is just trying to congratulate themselves for doing a better job at not being ableist than someone else. Often it sounds like, you know, I'm better than you. You ableist scum. Stop oppressing the disabled without taking any time to actually listen to the community, to talk to people who are disabled, to maybe even more deeply examine the issues that they are talking about on a very surface level. I've seen this happen in comment sections before, even of my own videos, where someone is asking a question, not in a particularly offensive way, and then is just jumped on by people being like, how dare you ask that? That's so ableist and maybe it is, right? But the person certainly didn't intend it that way. It was a genuine question and they got shut the hell down. The next time they think about asking a question, they're probably not gonna do it. They're probably not gonna get an answer and whatever stereotype they had in their head or assumption is just gonna stay there because it's not safe to have that conversation because they just got their hand slap last time, so why would they open it up again? And honestly, if you are not a part of a community that you are trying to speak for, unless you have really done your homework and educated yourself, quite often you might not know what you're talking about and so when you tell other people that they're ableist to sit down and shut up, you're hurting disabled people, I would personally argue that oftentimes, what that accomplishes is whoever that message is for never wants to ask a question again, never wants to comment again on a video, never wants to look into it because they got burnt. And as I have said all of this, I'm not sure if it's the right approach. I can just say that from my experience, it really rubs me the wrong way when we use our public platforms and our public voices if we want to implement change, if that is the goal we are going towards. I'm not talking about if you're just a person everyday interactions, but to implement change. I really think that if we were kinder about it, I think we would see more lasting change and the changing of actual mindsets and ways of thinking if we approach this like a conversation and invited people into it rather than only pointing fingers and alienating. So with that being said, do you think I'm wrong here? I certainly 100% think that anger and frustration and the expression of that are very important in my community and elsewhere by no means am I saying not to feel or not to express those things, but the assumption of intent that someone is meaning to be ableist without knowing, I personally feel like does damage to implementing lasting change. What do you think? I am very nervous to release this video because I feel like I've said 12 different things that I've been told not to say, but this is just how I try to approach things in my own life for myself. And I think it works, but what do I know? Let me know what you think in the comment section down below. A big thank you again to our sponsor for sponsoring today's video. Check out their link down below. A huge thank you to my patrons over on Patreon for supporting this channel. As always, you guys are amazing. I appreciate your generosity and to you, darling viewer watching this video right now. Thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me and the puppies today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. And you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes unless I'm gonna be talk and that means a lot to me. Thank you. I love you guys, I'm thinking about you. I'm looking forward to reading your comments and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.