 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the four phrases that give men goose bumps. You're gonna give them goose bumps when you say this. And number four is my favorite. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So once again, all I ask is you give me a chance. All right, let's talk about those four goose bumping phrases you could say to a guy that's really going to make a difference. So I want to acknowledge first that I watched a video from one of my contemporaries, Matt Boggs, who did this very same topic. So in full transparency, this is something I gleaned after watching one of his. And by the way, Matt Boggs is an amazing coach. So I'll try to put, I'll put a link down below later for you to check out his YouTube channel, great coach. And I thought this would be a really good topic of conversation because it centers around one of the primary love languages that's discussed in the book, The Five Love Languages. And if you're not familiar with Gary Chapman's work, The Book, The Five Love Languages, this is how we emotionally connect to another human being. This is how we give and receive love. So again, I highly recommend checking out this book. And The Five Love Languages are pretty simple. They are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, and lastly, words of affirmation. Now, actually the book starts with words and I thought I'd end with that because, and by the way, I'm a Leo, so I am a words person, but I don't say it's words of admiration. It's words of affirmation. I think we Leo's like to be affirmed a lot or actually words of adoration, I should say. And I can only speak for myself. And so I will say this that a bit of this content is really kind of the world according to Jonathan. So I just wanna be fully transparent here that what I'm about to share, a lot of it is from my own experiences of what an emotionally healthy man appreciates from a woman. What an emotionally healthy man appreciates from a woman. The real challenge here today is that there's such a small percentage of emotional mature men that can appreciate the words I'm about to share with you because sadly the vast majority of the human population, this is true of men and women alike, have weak emotional skills or have weak emotional maturity and they in addition have weak relationship skills. I'm gonna repeat that. The vast majority of men and women alike have weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills. This is why it's rather dysfunctional out there in the dating realm. And if you're in the demographics that I work in which is after baby making years and before retirement, I'm a midlife dating a relationship coach, it's a really dysfunctional group of human beings, partially because the vast majority of people who are single looking for love over 45 years old are divorced. And divorce can cause a significant emotional trauma on a human being as well as unresolved childhood wounds and traumas that happen from when we're raised by our parents or our surrogate parents or whatnot that creates negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of human beings doing the individual work, the self-help work, the personal development work, the spiritual work to actually shore themselves up because as I said earlier, emotionally healthy men appreciate what I'm about to share with you. It's those emotionally unhealthy men, those men who are either controlling or needy. And there's a variety of different types of men as well, but those controlling men, needy men, they have a very difficult time leaning into a healthy, happy relationship. This is why when I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get my book. It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can actually receive what I'm about to share because ultimately, if you're going to be able to share these four goose bump making, these heart-melting phrases to a guy, you want it to be with a man who can actually appreciate this, that can actually lean in and appreciate your words. And I know many of you feel frustrated because you've used words or you used the five love languages and it goes unanswered, it goes on deaf ears. And that's partially because we humans hyper-focus on chemistry, equal relationship success and not understanding the more important components of relationship success. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, most of you are, here's a picture of it. As you can see, above the waterline is the word attraction, which says chemistry and below the waterline says shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Folks, there's such a hyper-focus on chemistry and romance in the early stages of dating. And many of you women actually are contributors to this because in many cases, many women surrender their heart from a romantic perspective without ever pre-qualifying your prospect. And what I mean by pre-qualifying your prospect is determining, does this guy share the same values with me, is his lifestyle blendable with mine? And lastly, is this guy an emotional grownup to be in a relationship? And why I'm saying this is a man can romance the hell out of you and you can be hooked, hooked and you can be hooked to the wrong guy and God forbid you have sex with this guy, then oxytocin is released in your body and then you really are hooked. This is why I'm a big proponent of asking deeper questions in the early stages of dating. This is why I always recommend this book before the penis goes inside the vagina, the book Eight Dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. This helps the conversation. This helps you have the conversation to determine if this person is worthy of giving your body to. And yet nowadays it's easy for us men to get laid. There's called the three date role where basically, if a guy hasn't slept with you by the third date, he's gone. Well, a lot of women had to create that dynamic for men to believe that's the case. And I'm here to suggest shifting the narrative and let me just say this, if you like a guy and he likes you and you purchase two copies of this book and you give him a copy and say, hey, before we go down the road of exploring a more physically intimate relationship, let's see if we're compatible with one another. I will tell you that you will weed out the controlling men. You'll weed out controlling men so fast it'll make your head spin. You will weed out the narcissist. You'll weed out those dysfunctional men so fast. The problem is needy men won't have a problem reading the book, but you can determine neediness actually rather quickly. These are the guys that continually reach out to you. You know, they're constantly, constantly, constantly reaching out to you. Those are typically the needy men. The emotionally healthy men operate at a more secure level, at a more secure level. In fact, if you're not familiar with the work of Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking out the book Attached. This talks about love attachment style and one particular one is secure. These are human beings that have a level of self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, that self-love that I talk about in my book who can actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship. And then, so when you say these four goosebump type phrases, they're gonna just be, you know what? It's like, you'll hook them, you'll hook them. It's like this. All right, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. Here's my notes for today and let's get started with those four phrases that give men goose bumps. And number four is my favorite. So, and as I shared with you before, this is a little bit of the world according to Jonathan. In other words, these are things I like and yet I know men in particular, good men. I know a lot of good men in my life would have, the men that I know would appreciate this as well. So number one is I respect and or I admire you. I respect or I admire you, either one of those. You know, it's interesting. I once had a first date with a woman not too long ago and she follows me on YouTube when my YouTube friends, friends, followers, I should say. And she was reading the comments on one of my videos and she said, wow, you get so many, you know, endearing comments to your videos and they're all uplifting in their, well, most I should say not all and they really are, you know, really complimenting you, Jonathan. I really admire you. That took a lot of work to get to that place of, you know, to get to the place you are today. And I just remembered how much I just felt good about myself hearing the words, I admire you. I respect you. And it doesn't have to necessarily be about someone's work. It could be about their parenting skills. You know, I've been complimented before about my parenting skills, I mean, by strangers. So that doesn't really count, but I certainly appreciate the comp. I mean, so I want you to know whether it's their work or our parenting skills or something that they do in their life to say, I admire you, I'd respect you, goes a long way because men deeply want to feel respected. I was in the jacuzzi last week at the complex I live at and there's a young couple there. 23 year old woman, 32 year old man. He's an airline pilot. She's a flight attendant and they recently got married. And when he walked out to go to the pool from the jacuzzi, I said, what was it about him? That, you know, what was the hook? And she said, you know what? I admire his kindness. I like, she was really, really emphasizing what a kind, gentle, loving human being he was. And she said, I admire his kindness. And I just thought, wow. So just hearing that gave me goosebumps. Just hearing that from her gave me goosebumps. And my hope is you feel the same way. So I admire or respect you. Okay. Number two, I appreciate you or you can say you make a difference in my life, whether it's I appreciate you or you make a difference in my life. And I wanna share something that happened to me some years ago. I've shared this story before. It happens to be, it was a first date and we went to a dive bar for our first date and I bought our first round of drinks and it was time to get another round of drinks. And she pulls out her credit card and says, I have it. And I say, no, I've got it. And she goes, no, I have it. I go, no, I got it. And I said, you know, she says, I have it. Now, all the other dating coaches will tell you that she was in her masculine energy and she was trying to control things. What she did next blew my mind away. She put her hand on my arm and said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated the first round of drinks. Will you allow me to show my appreciation and treat you to this round? Can you receive? And in that moment, I was floored. I mean, my chin dropped, my chin dropped. In fact, I shared this in a men's group I belong to with 15,000 guys on a Facebook group and over 1,000 men commented on this post and they said, oh my God, she's one of a kind. She's a keeper, don't let her go. She's a unicorn. And while that relationship didn't work out, mainly because she had trust issues. And I'm the worst person to date if you have trust issues because what do I do for a living? I talk to women all day long. I just remember that with all my heart. I remember her words, I appreciate you. I appreciate what you did. The word appreciation is a powerful word. And to add to that, I said, you make a difference in my life. And I was thinking about the movie as good as it gets. When Jack Nicholas says, you make me wanna be a better man. There's something about, doesn't that give you goosebumps hearing that when someone says that to you? It makes a difference in your life. But Jonathan, men will be turned off by that. Again, controlling men, dysfunctional men have a very difficult time receiving. I understand that. So it might be difficult to say some of these things because you're with a person that probably cannot receive. When she said the words, can you receive? It was very powerful. Because most humans have a hard time receiving. Really, believe it or not, it's interesting. A lot of women give or givers, givers, givers, givers. Now, a lot of those same givers, givers, givers, they give to get, they give to get, they give to get. Or they give, give, give and they don't get anything back and then they turn into martyrs. Well, I gave so much in the relationship. Folks, love is something you give freely. If you have to quantify it, I'm not suggesting it shouldn't be reciprocated. Let me be clear. But if you have to quantify it, compare it or judge it, then you're in your egoic state and you're not really a genuine giver. You're either a giver to get or you're gonna complain about being a giver and turning into martyrs. And I know a lot of women that operate from martyr psychology and not necessarily from a heart-centered space. So again, you make a difference in my life. I appreciate you. Number four, or number three, excuse me. Now, I'm just gonna say this one flat out, this is what a guy would love to hear, is you're amazing in bed. You're amazing in bed. I mean, if you reach that point where you're physically sexual with someone, I'm gonna tell you, most men want to hear the words you're amazing in bed. In fact, it was interesting, my Pilates instructor was telling me about her new boyfriend and she was, I said, well, so how is the sex? And her words out of her mouth is he was amazing. And I mean, just hearing that gave me goosebumps, actually of jealousy a little bit, not because of her, but just because I wanna hear that myself. And so I said, did you say that to him? She goes, oh, hell yeah, I did. You're amazing in bed. Guys want to hear that. Women, you wanna hear that too. Now, I know many of you are going, well, I'm with a guy that's not that good in bed. Well, then maybe you might wanna work on that aspect of your relationship instead of praying for magic fairy dust to change everything. Human beings are literally riddled with this idea that magic fairy dust is going to change all their relationship woes. And I'm here to say, magic fairy dust doesn't exist. It takes intentionality. It takes effort to make, to do things to shift the narrative of your relationship. So if the sex wasn't that good, then start reading Kamasutra books. Go to a Tantric workshop to connect with your partner in a more healthier, happier way. That's my invitation for you. Number four, and this is my favorite, is to either say that's sexy or you're gorgeous. That's sexy or you're gorgeous. Folks, men get about this many compliments in any given day. We get about this many compliments, certainly on our physical appearance, about zero compliments in any day. You know, before COVID, when most people went to work, women would get compliments all day long. Oh my God, I love your purse. I love your shoes. I love your hair. You get that outfit. You look so great today. Men get zero compliments. I remember I was on a date some, no, about a half a decade ago with a woman. And by the way, folks, you probably notice I have a habit of doing this. It's just a, I don't know what it is, a nervous habit or something I do. I put my hands through my hair like that. And she said to me, I'll never forget, we're sitting across from her and she goes, that is the sexiest thing. I go, what's that? She goes, the way you run your fingers through your hair, that's sexy. Oh my God. I mean, to this day, I still remember, I literally, I'm going back in time, visualizing her saying that to me right now. It made that much of an impact to say, I'm sexy. And, or that's sexy. And then there was this other woman I dated right after my divorce. And I'll never forget on our first date, her first words out of her mouth were, you're gorgeous. I mean, you are so much better looking than your pictures, you're gorgeous. I'm going to tell you something, the peacock in me came out and I was like, done. And quite frankly, we did date for a while. Unfortunately, I was a train wreck back then, right after my divorce. So I was so not ready to be in a relationship. But to this day, in fact, she subsequently met a man after we ended our relationship and she got married and we're still friends. But I still, it's been 17 years or 16 and a half years. And I still remember the way she looked at me with that adoration and said, you're gorgeous. So ladies, I do want to encourage you on, especially on a first date, if you're attracted to a guy, give them a compliment. Give them a compliment. It's going to bring out his peacock. It's going to bring out his bravado. And it actually is going to give him goosebumps if he's an emotionally healthy man. While I wasn't emotionally healthy back then, it still gave me goosebumps. But then again, that's another conversation. We'll talk about emotionally healthy on another day. All right, so just to remind you those four phrases that give man goosebumps, I admire you, I respect you. I appreciate you or you make a difference in my life. Number three, you're amazing in bed. And number four, that's sexy and or you're gorgeous. So I invite you to use those phrases in the future and see what happens with guys. I know really quickly, one of our, one of the first comments that came in tonight's live stream was the following. She wrote down and wrote down. These are four other phrases you can say to a guy and I wanted to share this because I thought this was adorable. Number one, she used the example. I made you your favorite dinner. Oh my God, I would love that. I'm a big ribeye steak fan. Number two, stay in your reciner. I'll bring you a cold beer. While I'm not a beer drinker, I would love a cold martini, but that's a great line. Number four or three, my mom canceled and she can't make it tonight. I don't know, wait, my mom canceled, she can't make it tonight. I have to think about that one now that I forget. And lastly, it's getting hot in here. I have to take off some clothes. I love that, love that, love that. So Anne, thank you so much to add that to the mix. All right, we're gonna jump into our Q&A right now. And for those who are familiar with my format, if you have a question for me, write the word question, then post the question there after or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box there. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's my favorite picture of Connor right there. He's my son who passed away a few years ago. And in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who desire personal development work or to donate to the charities that I believe make a difference in the world like the Hoffman process or Insight seminars. So again, purchase a Super Sticker in the dollar sign or write the word question, post the question after. And if you're listening to the audio version of this, you won't be able to see any of this. All right, so it's time to take questions. Oh, here's one Michelle wrote. Question, what's the worst thing a woman ever told you? You know, it's funny as soon as I saw this, Michelle, I have to say I literally was flashback to the date I had. I wanna say it was about five years ago. And we were Facebook friends. And so I wasn't really sure we were gonna explore dating or anything, but we went out once and she invited me to be her escort to a charity function. So I went with her and then I asked her out on the date some time after that, I think it was a month or so after that. And I remember we were sitting at the bar having a drink and I was kind of asking about, you know, seeing each other. And she said to me, Jonathan, okay, I'm gonna tell it to you the way I heard it. I'm not sure these were the exact words, but this is what I heard. Jonathan, you're too fat. And she said, Jonathan, you're too fat. Those weren't her exact words, but that's what I heard. And I mean, quite frankly, I was floored. Now, I think she said it in a different way because she professed to be athletic and healthy and all that sort of thing. And at that time I'll be candid with you. I did weigh about 10, 15 pounds more back then, but I'll never forget how that felt to hear the words you're fat, or at least that's the way my brain interpreted. So that is the worst thing. Well, I'm sure my ex-wife said some really shitty things to me, but that's the worst thing I ever heard on a first date. So thank you for asking that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Michelle, thank you so much. All right, Anne writes in here. Oh, she writes in number three. And by the way, thank you for the super sticker of $5. She writes in number three is in reference to the dreaded mother-in-law. Okay, got it, got it, got it. I understand now. All right, thank you so much. Tina says, this is great stuff. Thank you. Christina says, I'm cooking in lingerie. Love that one. Oh, we guys love that. I love, I mean, gosh, I would love a woman to wear just nothing but lingerie. Or how about I'm cooking and all it is is the cooking smock and nothing underneath it. I love that one. So here's one, Lynn says, how about you're so smart? I love that one too. These are great ladies, I love this. Thank you so much. Okay, Kit Kat writes in question. If you tell him he's amazing in bed, could that make him think he's a stud and then he goes off looking for others as he thinks he's super stud? Could that backfire then? Great question. So Kit Kat, do you remember I said emotionally healthy men love these phrases. Emotionally unhealthy men may use these phrases against you. So yes, there is absolutely a possibility if a man thinks he's great in bed and he doesn't value you that he may go off and try to spread his seed elsewhere. But that means you didn't do a good enough job vetting him to determine if the two of you are a fit. This is why continually that ladies recommend the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Let me tell you this, guys in it for the short run, they won't put up with this. They'll be overwhelmed. That's too much. Oh my God, I barely know you. Why would you wanna do that? Look at dude, if you want your dick in my vagina, then maybe you might have to jump through a few hurdles to prove to me you're fucking worth it. I'm sorry, ladies. I know I'm cursing here and I wanna apologize. I just wanna remind you, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date, I'd have the shotgun ready pointed at the guy's nose and I'd say, what is your intentions with my sister, my little sister? Because if you do something shitty, I'm gonna fuck you over, dude. You know what, guys back then knew that they actually had to treat women with respect. So if a guy's in it for the short run, he's gone when you talk about the deeper stuff. He's gone. But Jonathan, that's gonna scare men away. All the dating coaches tell me never, never, ever do this. Folks, if all the dating coaches were so fucking great, then why is the dating mating and relating realm so fucking dysfunctional? The book, the rules fucked it over for you. And a lot of the dating rhetoric is based on the surface. It's all based on attraction and romance without any understanding of is this person compatible with me? Do we share the same values? Are our lifestyles actually blendable? And is this person a grown up enough to be in relationship? You know, it's interesting. I was watching a video before I logged on today. It was about what you should know about divorce. And what it says is the minute you file for divorce, all rationale goes out. Everything you thought was rational about the other person goes out the window. And that is so effing true. Human beings become ridiculously irrational. The minute they go through a divorce because then it's all about self. It's all about self. And this is true of men and women alike. It's what can I get from the other person? Isn't that fascinating to think about that? Two people that loved each other and they spent $100,000 on their wedding or even $10,000 on their wedding, whatever they spent. They, you know, you gave, we love each other so much. And then the minute you go through the divorce you hate each other. Isn't it fascinating? I find it absolutely human behavior fascinates me. I mean, I am addicted to studying human behavior. I'm a junkie for it. And I'm fascinated at dysfunctional behavior, partially because I witnessed my own dysfunctionality every given day of the week. I am riddled with flaws. I just happen to be aware of them. Most human beings are blind to their flaws. They're unaware. And so going back KitKat, if a man uses that against you, then he's not your guy. But I'm gonna tell you, if you said it to me, woohoo! I'm gonna wanna fuck you more and more and more. So if you really wanna make a guy give him goosebumps, the healthy guy, tell him how amazing he is in bed. KitKat, thank you so much for that one. I really appreciate it. All right. Jolie says, what can be a bad, what can be bad to ask from a guy? I once had a woman ask me for $10,000 on a first date. I think asking a guy for money isn't a good thing. Moscow Mule Time. Let me ponder that and I'll get back to you. You know, folks, I posted a meme earlier today on my channel and I wanted to share it with you because I think this is a very powerful message. And that is, and I think it's really important that we discuss this for a moment. And the meme says, bear with me, it's just loading on my phone here. Well, I said for some, dating is a form of toxic therapy because of unhealed wounds and traumas in one's past. And why I wanted to talk about this for a moment is dating actually has, is for many people is a form of toxic therapy. And what I mean to say is they've gone through a breakup. They, you know, it's interesting. I remember, I have a habit of, by the way, doing a squirrel. So please forgive me. And I remember an old saying, if you want to get over an old fling, start a new fling. If you want to get over an old fling, start a new fling. And what that means is if you want to get over someone, start dating someone new. Why don't you think about this? If you had dysfunctionality in your last relationship and you immediately start dating someone new, that doesn't heal the past. That doesn't heal the past. All that does is suppress the past or blind you to the past. So what a lot of people are doing today in dating is they're talking incessantly about their past relationships. They're dumping on the other person. And the reason why I call it toxic therapy is they're dumping their problems, their neurosis, their fears, their anxieties about someone in their past. Now here's the challenge for a lot of women. And I did a video on this, why dating is the new form of therapy. For a lot of women, you hear this as music to your ears because you think he's being vulnerable. You think he's being authentic. You think he's being transparent. Here's the thing. And which I appreciate someone being vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Here's the problem. Complaining people are usually in a toxic, they're in a trauma loop, trauma loop, trauma loop, trauma loop, loop, loop, okay? That's different. So complaining is usually oftentimes when it comes to past relationships is a trauma loop instead of venting. And here's the thing. You shouldn't vent to someone you're brand new to dating. You shouldn't vent to them. That's not being vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Let me give you an example of vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Someone asked me this, okay, recently. And I'll come back to this, the difference between complaining and venting. So I'm gonna be very candid with everyone here. I'm gonna be vulnerable. And this is my truth. And I'm gonna be transparent. Is that I have a fear of being rejected because I'm not wealthy. I'm gonna repeat that. I have a fear of being rejected by women because I'm not wealthy. I live in Los Angeles. And while statistically I make more than 99% of the US population in Los Angeles, I'm still maybe in the top 10%. And yet it still doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't feel like enough. So I feel like I'll be rejected for that. Now, being transparent, so I'm being vulnerable, I'm being authentic, being transparent with someone is to tell someone I'm not wealthy. I say that right up front. Because if a woman has expectation of being financially taken care of by someone, then I don't want them dating me, okay? I'd rather meet a partner where two is better than one instead of one covers two, okay? And I'm just upfront about that. That's transparency to be upfront because I know women have a propensity to judge men based on their net worth. I'm not saying this is fair. I'm not saying this is right. It just happens to be somewhat biological. And here in Los Angeles, and by the way, we are dealing with a population of human beings, men and women alike who live in their ego, okay? Now, venting would be me expressing that. True venting is also going, what's the solution to this? Well, for me, my solution is to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent because that's how I solved this problem for myself. Complaining would look like this. Oh my God, women in Los Angeles are gold diggers. All women care about is how much money they make. It doesn't matter if the guy is good looking. If he has money, you can get whatever woman he wants. That's complaining. Venting would say, hey, I wanna share an insecurity I have and what's the solution? So ladies coming back to the toxic therapy I was talking about. People are complaining, by the way, women complain just as much as men. So women are complaining. By the way, anytime you complain about an ex-partner, you're in toxic therapy mode. Venting is a healthy thing to do. Complaining is a toxic thing and a lot of people are experiencing toxic therapy. Have you experienced toxic therapy? Please post a comment below saying, yes I have, yes I have, yes I have. All right, let's move on and take a few more questions. Oh, let's go swim in, let's go swimming. Christina says that's whining exactly. All right, let's go swimming. If you have a question, post the word question or purse, just a super sticker, super chat. Oh, here's a great one, question. Is it okay to tell a man, is it okay to tell when a man asks what is your desires in bed? Apps are fucking loopy, ladies, please, please, please tell us what you want in the bedroom. When you give us instructions that helps things. I know a lot of men, okay. Emotionally healthy men appreciate this. Men who are controlling men and their ego, that might bruise, bruise their delicate ego if you tell them how to do something that you like. You know, if you want your, you know, okay, I won't get graphic here, I could actually get graphic. But if you want your nipples massaged, then ask him for it. That's okay, ask him what you like. I love when women give us instructions. Emotionally healthy men love instructions and insecure controlling men, egotistical men cannot stand instructions. And you wanna get rid of a guy quickly? Give him instructions because the wrong guy will run away quickly and the right guy will say, thank you, thank you, thank you. Great question there, thank you so much, Julian. All right, let's see what we have here. Didi says, compliments are the best to give and most definitely in receiving, amen. All right, Patricia writes, excuse me, Nicole writes, question. If you lost someone almost a couple years ago and you're out of the depression funk, is it safe to date again? I feel better today in a long time. If you lost someone close to you. You know, it's interesting as I'm reading this, I'm thinking of my son who passed away. There he is, Connor. And I remembered I actually was dating, or I was putting myself out there. Quite frankly, I was in so much pain and I just wanted some attention. I wanted some love. It was as if my heart got ripped out. And it was hard, you know, and I wanted, it was like that line from the movie Jerry Maguire, I need you to complete me. I wanted someone and I was almost desperately dating and interesting enough, I was talking about him as well. Thinking I was healed. It took me, it took a couple of years to actually let go of the idea that on some level he even abandoned me. Isn't that terrible to think I thought he abandoned me? And so there's no doubt there is a time to heal. Now I wanna share with you a quick story. Not everybody needs that per se. I know a woman who just started dating a man. She was one month into dating a man and she also lost her son named Connor. I've known three women who've lost children named Connor. Can you believe that? All right around my Connor's age, 1920, 18, 19 or 20. It's just terrible. And she just started dating a man and she could have easily collapsed and thankfully he leaned into the relationship as a support person in her life. And eventually they actually got married. It brought them two closer together because she could be her most authentic, vulnerable, transparent self. She was radically honest with him. Ladies, I'm such a big proponent of genuine radical honesty because that creates intimacy into me you see. If you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out because what relationships are lacking today is real intimacy, real, because people feel emotionally unsafe. So, just in general, many women alike feel emotionally unsafe because the number one emotional health issue, excuse me, is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And dating triggers that wound like nobody's business. So coming back to your original question, you lost someone very special to you. I certainly believe that a year or two of just grieving and experiencing the pain actually better prepares you for when someone special comes in your life because most likely my hope is you'll learn to appreciate. Here's the thing that loss does. It creates genuine appreciation. I want you to think about this for a moment. Anytime you've gone to a funeral, have you walked out of the funeral saying, I'm not gonna waste one day of my life, I'm not gonna waste one day of my life? I know I have. And usually three days later, I go back to my patterning. Patterning, loss temporarily creates this place of appreciation, a place of humbleness. And so there is a, the beauty of loss is maybe we don't operate from our ego as much and we can operate from more of a heart-centered space. This is why ladies, I'm so tired of the dating rhetoric centered around men must do this and women must do that. Let's throw out the fucking gender rhetoric, read this book if the Buddha dated because it's all about how to connect with someone at a heart-centered level. I remember buying this book and reading it in two hours. I've never read a book from cover to cover in one day and this one I couldn't stop. I just fell in love with the messaging in this book because it's all about how to connect with someone in a heart-centered space. And sadly and thankfully loss actually humbles us. It takes us out of our ego and into our heart. And so thank you Connor. You inspired my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. You inspired this book and I wanna thank you for that. And I wanna thank you because you allow me through this experience to be a better coach. And I think that's what loss does because it connected me more to my heart and my hope for you as well. And Nicole, it's connected to your heart and I hope you're ready to go out and meet a great guy to begin a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship with someone. Giving you lots of love and giving you a big, gigantic job and bear hug of love as well. Thanks so much for that question. All right, we have time for one more today. If you'd like to purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. Nicole just said, I got your book, it's great. Thank you so much. All right, this will be our last question for the day. Question, where can we meet great, interesting, wait, where can we meet great interest in guys? Where can, I think your question is where can you meet great guys? So ladies, this question comes up all the time. Where can you meet great man? Where can you meet great man? Let me tell you where great men are. The exact same place that great women are. Okay, so wherever a great woman is, there's a great man sitting right next to her. And I don't mean they're in their home, but if there's a great woman at a bar, there's a great man at the bar. The problem with asking where good people are is nonsensical. It actually, it's a useless question. The deeper question is how can I connect with a great guy? How can I connect with a great guy? How can I connect with a great guy? That's the question I invite you all to lean into. How can I connect with a great guy? Here's the thing. Currently online dating is the number one place to meet people if you're roughly 50% of all new relationships are happening through an online connection. So whether we like it or not, it happens to be the number one place. After that, the percentages drop dramatically. The grocery store, 1%, the gym, 1%. Your work, like sexual harassment lawsuit, you can't do that anymore. So it used to be work was the number one place before online dating used to be, or work used to be the number one place before online dating happened. And then when sexual harassment claims game, it's like a clusterfuck. You're operating at your own peril if you meet someone in your workplace. So the reality is, is now people will say, do the things you love, do the things you love. Look it, I love walking the beach. How do I know who's single, who's available, who's not in a relationship with someone else, who's married, you know? I mean, doing the things you love isn't a place to meet. You can, again, 1% of the time you'll meet someone in those places. So whether you like it or not, online dating is the number one place these days and it's going to become even bigger. So you can learn to navigate it in a much better way. And if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me. My area of expertise is to teach you how to vet men, how to really pre-qualify your prospect because the problem isn't online dating. The problem is you just don't know how to put yourself out there in a proper way or a healthy way and you make terrible choices. So, and you can't fix that until you fix that. It doesn't matter organically or through virtual. So I can't even remember the question, oh, where to meet great guys? Hey, these days 50% of all new relationships is happening through an online connection. All right, I think that'll be a good place to wrap up for today's live stream. I wanna thank you all for being on today from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate it. If you found value in this, check out the link to a discovery call. Check out my book, What That Can Self Love Anyway. Check out my free gift. Check out my membership group. They're all the links below. And if you wanna follow me personally, go to my Instagram page. The link is listed below. Please post a question. Please tell your friends about this if my content makes a difference in your life. And from the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you. And I'm gonna wrap up this broadcast as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrock of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thank you, Teresa, Renee, Nicole, Christina, Lisa, Mary, Monagal, Natalie, Lisa, CeCe. Thank you all so much. Wishing you a fab evening. Bye now.