 22 April 2020. As always, it's a pleasure having you join us each and every Thursday from 11am to 12am and I repeat all this particular show every Thursday at 10pm. This is a power talk. Very good morning to you. My name is Ram Aguco. We are broadcasting live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya. A wonderful day it is to have you join us today. This is Y254 TV. Thank you very much for keeping a power talk today. We have a lot in store for you in our conversation. Today our focus shall be on depression in relationships and particularly how depression has the ability to affect an individual and those around him. Well, today we share a story of Emma. Emma is one person who went through a lot in particular when it comes to depression in relationships. She will tell you her story. Can you imagine being in a position where you're dating somebody only to realize that they have gone with your best friend? Well, today is going to be a very interesting day. This conversation that we shall have this particular morning, I am joined by none other than Emma Jerry. She is a media personality. Thank you so much. I'm also joined by Sami Wafula. He is a consultant, a pastor and a relationship expert. Karim Wafula. Be part of this conversation as always. We welcome your feedback. We appreciate your comments and regards to this. The Ashda Agis Power Talk show on Twitter at Ram Aguko, at Y254 channel. And on Facebook we have posted a question there on our Facebook page. Why 254? Drop your comments as we continue this conversation. We shall sample your feedback later on. We have also asked our views from wherever, from different parts of the country and beyond to send in their comments in regards to this depression in relationships. How far do you think it can go? How have you experienced depression? We are told our views to send in their thoughts in regards to this through sending a one minute clip of themselves. Just record yourself a one minute thing and then you send it to us. We shall share a few of them today. Let's talk kwa kahaewani. Thank you very much for keeping it power talk. Let's kickstart this conversation. Let me start with you, Emma. Uminembekit up before we went on air. I kind of got interested in this particular conversation. Tell us your story. How did it all start from the beginning of everything till you get to the point that you are in today? Thank you so much Ram. My name is Emma and thank you so much for having me here today. I'm so happy that I can be able to share my story while smiling because there is a time I could not talk about it because I was still in my healing process but I thank God that I am fully healed and that's why I am here to share my past experiences and also for me I call it a testimony because I believe that is a testimony that God gave me and a testimony through which many people will also be healed. I do not share this because it was something nice but I share this because I know there is someone out there going through the same thing. So my story began in 2016 where I was just like a young and just like any other normal beautiful girl out there. You know there is that age we get to and you feel like now I am a grown up and now I need to have a boyfriend I need to start dating I need to start life just like a normal human being. Many people don't want to go through that stage. Yes. When I was in high school, for some it was primary. Yes. See how you are brought up? Yes. But for me I think part of my when I was in school I did not like dating. Primary high school. Primary high school. I can't remember dating anyone. Maybe it was just those jokes around. But now for this particular one in 2016 I felt like I was still young but I felt like this is the right age to start dating and to start experiencing how it feels to be in love. You are encompassed. Actually I was in college at that time. So I met this guy. Actually I met him through a cousin. Okay I do acting also. So I used to act with the cousin and so I met the guy through the cousin. It was like a hook up? No actually it was not a hook up. Like the cousin was my very close friend. We used to act together. Actually we used to like to work together. So most of the time we would hang out together. So this one time he comes with the cousin. And you know just being a young girl and he was like this, you know this kadrim man you have just seen and you are like oh this one is really a dream man. That time I had kadim for light skin guys. I thought we are off. Basically you know many people look for tall, dark and handsome. For me I was like hey. Myself I was like as long as you are light skin that's my thing. Because I had this kadrim of having some cute babies. You know those babies in our heads. So when I saw him I was like wow this is a real deal. So we started knowing each other. We started talking. Only for me to realize that he was just from a relationship with a girl. A girl that I didn't know. So I was like okay are you ready to roll? He says yeah I'm ready for this. And so that's where we started dating. That was the end of 2016 is when we started dating. So he was just from a relationship? Yeah. But I remember asking him are you ready to move on? How long was it between the time that you started dating? A few months. It was like a few months. It was a few months. And I remember asking him are you ready to move on? And he said yes I am ready to move on. And so we said okay let's do this. And so we started very well the first month. The first like five months it was okay. Now we are ready in 2017. So we were doing well actually we now got him into our group of acting. Started acting with him. We even actually did a movie together. I didn't know it was so interesting. You feel like hey isn't Kazile Mamuza Hollywood where you hear people did a movie. I'm a soap opera and now they are married in real life. So there was a lot of fantasies in my head. So we continued. But I think like six months down the line I started noticing a change of behavior. What happened that time I lost my phone. My phone was stolen. So he had an iPad and a phone. So he gave me his phone. So I was not using his phone. But I think he forgot to delete some messages. So somehow I saw some messages. And I can say I was stupid enough because I did not ask him simply because I never wanted to lose him. You were too afraid to lose him. I was so scared of losing him. If I may ask what kind of messages were these that got to you. So the messages were like he was still talking to the ex. The ex fuck. Yes. I even realized that they were doing the morning run together because they used to live in almost like neighbors. So I realized kumbe they also do some running together in the morning. So I actually did not even ask him because I was having that kafia of losing this guy and my fear was coming from my background how I grew up because the very first man in my life failed me. I felt like the first man failed me. So when it came to having a man and then again I was so expectant of this man. In him I was looking for a boyfriend. I was looking for a friend. I was looking for a father. Having grown up without a dad. So I had so many expectations of this guy. Let me just cut it at that point and bring up because that particular issue affects many. You are too afraid to lose him to the point that anything he does you just let it pass. Should that be the case? I think that is the most dangerous aspect the most dangerous part of a relationship. When you get into one and you are too afraid to lose him I think it is dangerous because the day you lose him you might even lose your mind. So when you want to get into a relationship you should get into a relationship with the idea in mind that anything can happen. I think we should give people room to make mistakes. And even as you give people room to make mistakes should you give yourself room to accept all the mistakes all the time? No, when it comes to cheating and when it comes to the X factor I think one thing I tell people is that once you break up with someone the best thing to do is to avoid them block them everywhere, give yourself time to heal because any time you meet the X it is very possible that you will begin right from where you left. Do you regret making that kind of a decision that you were too afraid of letting of approaching him or confronting him for the things that you saw? Sure I do because if I knew that time what was going to happen later I would have left him that moment. But for me I started insist like I didn't even want to talk about it with him so I just kept cool but already I had seen the first red flags which I would have talked immediately. So I just kept quiet and then it continued so to a point where I know now this one might come out funny this guy was not working he was in campus I was also in college Oh you were both in campus but he afforded iPads and phones That's the life of a campus student so he was not working the mum was also not working so I was the only one who was working so I was the one taking the responsibility of the whole family Like me, myself, him and the mum because the dad had also left them So you became so close to the point that now you introduced each other to the family Not from my family actually my mum didn't even know I was dating my mum knew I was dating now when I was in the hospital that's when my mum knew that I was dating but his mum knew me because I used to go to their place because he had some young brothers and sisters so I would go there check upon them buy some snacks for them I used to do all these things I trusted this man to a point where I reached to a point I even gave him my ATM card so wherever I was now the one who was asking for money I called the bro some money and he sent me I need some money for this He had your password He had my everything Imagine I was like I had given him my own That is love This is love that I had given him my all I think now I think this sometimes maybe someone will call him he'll go outside sometimes he'll refuse to pick their calls when I'm there is that just misbehaving so one time I just decided to ask him why are you doing this Is it that you got too tired? Ya I felt like this guy is not even respecting me and then what is that secret that you are keeping if someone calls you have to go outside or rather you ignore that call so I asked him do you want to tell me that whenever you leave you don't call that person back so as I was suspecting him it used to bother you but you are quiet but again I had the fears of losing him that was what was going on Did that also give you some unsettlement were you able to even even sleep at night were you able to go through your day to day activities at peace knowing all that ok, personally I'm a very spiritual person I am born again and I believe so I used to believe God I'm going to fast and pray for this guy and I'm going to change and actually I'm telling you that's what I used to do I can tell you that many times I used to take my Bible and I will recite scriptures I know you are a pastor you understand where there is Israel I would put his name you know that you know that kind of prayers where there is you put his name inside there if I will come to you that particular issue especially for the born again people you know there is a problem and you are too afraid of handling it and then you say ok let me just pray about it you just pray about it you are seeing the messages you don't approach the guy you are praying about it is that the way to go that is not the way to go I think that is a sense of irresponsibility there is the place of prayer you know and there is you know there is the logical part of it if you are finding a messages in your boyfriend you are finding messages in your boyfriend's phone what is the point of going to pray about it before confronting what are you going to pray break down every stronghold suddenly go there every prayer every prayer it is my flesh I think you should first handle it physically before you present it to God through prayer do something first go with the plan what will be your advice because you have been there before that lady outside there who is too afraid to approach their issue and then all that she is being advised by friends you know you go to friends and family they tell you pray about it what do you tell that lady who is going through that particular issue they are too afraid of even approaching their man on that problem I think right now I can say I am more wiza so I have learnt to differentiate spiritual things and physical things emotional things because not everything you can pray about as he has said there are some things we normally say there are some demons that need a slap you don't have to pray about it is it also true not every demon you have to slap I would say I would help her by saying God does not run relationships exactly who does individual run relationships not God not God not God God does not run relationships so this aspect of prayer God we are the center you can pray for God to be at the center of it but ok let me ok I know this this is not the direction but I can say this it is no longer the work of God to give us men wives and husbands because the last time he did that someone blamed him so if you have read the book of Genesis you will understand what I am talking about the last time Adam and Eve because when Adam messed up when they messed up when God came to you he just said no it was not him it is this woman that you gave me that's why God has given us the power to love and to choose whoever you want to love that's why for example today I can just come and look at you and say this guy looks like a good husband so the moment we are together now that's now where God comes in and now blesses the relationship but it's not God who to help you but he can help you to be able to know he can give you that there is something called your consciousness like God can help you to design this is the right person for me but he not come and tell you this is the one God will lead you God will direct you but God will give you the he has given us the power of choice you understand so God will lead you God will help you and God will give you design men so that when you meet someone God will not tell you this is the one it is true you know design men that you get to know that is why that is why you find that you might meet a lady or a young man then you like them then in the process of interaction you get to know one another you discover there are things about them you don't like so God has given you the power to choose whether to continue the relationship or to pray again and trust God for another man people have said God showed me you I saw you in a dream let's get married it still works I think maybe what I can say when you put life you have to balance things for example God can tell you there is this question that maybe someone can ask for example maybe you are a pastor you are married to someone and then after sometimes you divorce does it mean that God was a liar no it doesn't mean that God is a liar exactly the same way for example okay I don't want to go much into the Bible but maybe I can pose an example God told the Israelites you are going to stay in Egypt for 400 years but they said for 400 in that years does that make God a liar no it was their behavior actually it was their choice so God can speak to you and say it from today Emma is your wife but your behavior matters a lot for a man and some men go through issues also you know this woman or this lady is doing something wrong but you are also afraid of approaching her because sometimes she makes noise and all you do is to just tell yourself I'll pray about it what should a man do when he is in that particular issue you are not yet married remember this conversation you are not yet married because for that case what should a man do I think that is a dangerous path to tread on any time you date a lady that is not teachable she can't be corrected you can't teach her you can't tell her anything I think to me according to me as you know as some that is not a lady to end up within marriage because as a man you see there is a part of a man called an ego when you scratch that man that part you mess up the whole man so when you mess up the position of a man in your life and when you mess up the position of a man even in the marriage to come that marriage is headed to hell it can't just work so I will advise that when you get a lady that is unteachable can't be corrected you can't tell her anything what will be your role as a leader a man is a leader a man is the chief role of a man in a relationship or in a marriage is a leader when a lady can't listen to the leader then nothing can help that lady so I will advise that man to run for their life as a man you are the leader you are the leader keep this conversion going on on Twitter handle the hashtag is who power talk show on Facebook and on Twitter at Ramaguka at Y2P4 channel tell us what you think are you afraid of approaching your spouse because you fear you might lose them what should you do what is the solution to us that and are you aware that such things also lead to stress but someone is just sad throughout the day you ask her what is wrong my man or my woman have you talked to him I am too afraid of talking to him but you gathered courage and you did what happened on that day that you asked him so when I asked him of course as a man he tried to deny it and then you know she is just my friend just talk and I was like okay actually I believed him imagine Jesus have mercy I believed him and I said it's okay we can do this so around June July now July is now when things got worse another time he would ignore my calls sometimes like he would call me whenever he wants so one time I am with him and the lady calls him and when the lady called when he received the call I think it was just God akaguza the batonia loudspeaker so I had the lady say hi baby he said God ya kagurulia na he just picked the phone I don't know what happened haku jua akaguza the batonia loudspeaker so they just had hi baby so he looked at me like he couldn't talk talk to the baby and you know for me I love making jokes so I just made it like a joke talk to the baby and they talked and of course the conversation was very awkward and very weird and after that I just said this guy he's coming too much so I said let me just hold on and in that time we had even opened an agent account we were saving for our wedding oh my God I'm telling you he's still receiving calls of hey baby when you ask him he says that they are just friends ya they are just friends so I said it's okay so I remember it was the day of elections 2017 I think it was 9th august or 7th august right up out there so that time now I was sent to Langata because of the elections so I was there so what had happened now like the previous day because we were not sure what was going to happen after the elections so I advised him can you take your mum and your siblings to Muranga now to the Shoshos place can go stay there before now when the elections are done now they can come back so because that time we didn't have a car so I went ahead being the good woman I hired a car for him we followed the car I told him you can take the kids home let me go to Langata so when I was in Langata I just took my phone and I was just checking on my Facebook so I saw this lady she had just posted a picture on Facebook and her and the siblings now with the same car that we had hired in Muranga it means they went together they went together hei aposan odamu li panda sa that's how I realized man kumbe this guy he is playing you in front of your eyes but you can't see it and I was so blind I loved him too much so I called him he didn't pick immediately I saw a number calling me so I'm like okay I know this person that is calling me because I have her number because she's a friend of mine that I know so why are you posting pictures on Facebook with my boyfriend siblings so I picked the call she says hi Emma this is Esther I said yes I know it is you I just wanted to tell you that me and Josh we are together hey I'm telling you it was a dark day so she told me oh remember even that certain day he asked you for this amount of money I was the one who was in need of that money you remember that and she started now taking me back remember that the certain day he called you he told you this and this and this I was the one who needed and she told me things so I just told her it's okay I'll talk you to some other time so I called the mum I asked the mum where is where is Josh I told the mum I know he's there give him that phone so he was giving the phone it's okay you don't have to explain anything everything is I can see everything and it's okay so you knew about the relationship through the lady yes like what was going on so you broke up no I just said it's okay and I hanged up because now I knew I was going to I was going to be there for 3 days that was on Monday we were supposed to have the elections on Tuesday and so I knew I was going to be in Langata for 3 days and you know during elections is a very tough time because so I was there for 3 days and I was really stressed so I was working but my head was like I was working but my head was like I was working but my head was like all of a sudden all of a sudden there was a kid so it would like pass kama but he would hold on to so on Wednesday morning now when I left Langata I went home I was really tired because I had not slept for 3 days you have not showered for 3 days because you took a field so I went home I was so tired I went took a shower and I went to bed so I put my phone on silent so actually I am around 5 June I was missing calls who was the one who was missing calls your boyfriend another lady so I woke up by that time I was very calm funny enough I was not feeling any pain I was not stressed I was just normal but you guys so at that time you were still letting this guy but it's over we didn't hang up to see him so you got missed calls so I took the phone and I called him he didn't pick I called the lady I just found your missed calls then she said can we meet tomorrow actually she said can we meet now today I am very tired can we meet tomorrow she said okay so the following day morning she is actually the one who woke me up I said okay so I told her let's meet at around 2 man at that time I was so calm I was so okay so I called her can we meet here so we met to some restaurant did she tell you why she wanted you to meet she was telling me she wanted to explain things to me I said okay so I went to the place and we went to the place that was supposed to meet it's a restaurant so I went there because I don't drink so I told her to your story so this lady now started telling me things kumbe from day one after they broke up like 2 months later wakarudiana so even when this guy is telling me wakarudiana so this guy was dating you so this guy at the same time I am working the lady is working so the guy is benefitting from both sides so he was like trying to balance us oku na oku so the lady tells me things even tells me you know what I am even pregnant she is pregnant she is pregnant she is pregnant she is pregnant she is pregnant what do you do ladies and gentlemen this is where fire is fire and the man is double dealing getting money from this particular woman and the other particular woman and telling him both and what I wonder is did the lady know that you two were dating as she was dating that guy now these are questions that you want to find out after this break let's take a short break remember to keep the conversation going the hashtag is power talk show on twitter at Ram Maguko at Y254 channel this is power talk it's all about understanding this spectrum called depression in relationships don't go too far Y254 imagine this is power talk my name is Ram Maguko if you are just joining us you are just in time for the next part of this conversation today it's all about understanding depression the hashtag as always is power talk show on twitter at Ram Maguko at Y254 channel we asked our viewers to give us their thoughts in regards to this conversation and they did that sending us a one minute clip of their thoughts we shall also play those clips during this second part of the conversation but first of all let's head over to facebook where people are watching us from what people are saying Mama Kenansi is watching thank you very much Mama Kenansi Zaniboy Nyakuna nana me tuma kitu I think I am tuning I am getting tuning Nikolaus Sebastian thank you very much Nansi Thika we take the watching and listening Jeckins Mwangi Wakua Ben Kwa Ben Naivasha We have Kevin Wafula na sayma I am a victim of that we have so many victims are you a victim have you gone through all of this and Tuna Shinopia for men what is it about about you that you played two women at the same time I want to continue this conversation but let me come to you Sami the aspect of a man getting two then call them incomes because I don't know how to how is to call it you get money from this woman you get money from that other woman and you put them all together yet you lie to both of them but you shall find out if the other one was lying to that you are still friends what is wrong with is there a problem with the society is it about morals what could be the issue that men do such a thing let me say some men do such a thing not all men I don't know I think that is character disorder I believe God's intention for marriage was one man one woman that is why He created Adam and Eve but we have this order in our study today where men think power is determined by the number of women you have in your life which is not the case that's a very wrong thing they meet in their own boys club and say who is the alfameli yes yes yes yesterday I learned kawaji I think that is very wrong and I want to talk to all men watching us online talk to them that this behavior must stop I am talking to every boy child out there this behavior must stop it is character disorder it is wrong for you to run two projects have two women at the same time now back to you Ram because according to her story you know the guy because the heart of a woman is not something to joke with when women love they love with all their emotions it is dangerous to joke with the emotions of another human being when a woman loves she loves for real yes she loves for real she will love with her intestines her backbone and everything so it is dangerous to joke with the emotions of a woman because when you mess up a woman I strongly believe that women are the backbone of our society and therefore anyone that disrespects women should not have a place in our society so I want to call men back to order it is one woman one man one woman one man well some it is actually especially the polygamous ones but let's take a look at some of the views from our fans let me just say fans Timo let's play one clip and then you come back I used to love someone we grew up together and I like used to have feelings for him ever since we were young so when you became a teen actually he also had feelings for me so when he came back I was really happy and he got into a relationship he did it for some time for some months and then and then he just decided to live he just said he told me he doesn't need a girlfriend anymore and that's how we left paka leo bado na takakujwa to na suje leo I've been asking myself hi my name is Prudence and I'm not a relationship coach but everyone has had a heartbreak that changed them and I'm not an exception what I did to get out of my heartbreak is first of all I cried it all out secondly I accepted healing is about acceptance and not forgetting the third thing you have to do is love without expecting go back to the market single and we are ready to mingle one thing else that you have to know is that God will never give someone else what belongs to you so put that in mind and go back confidently and be strong get out of your state of depression do what you have to do because no one else will do it for you yeah my name is Kedin I'm not a relationship relationship guru but I've been a relationship I've seen friends in relationship but when you may break the guys go into depression and it end up to an end up stress my adversity is this one when you love someone put it in your mind put it in your heart because a man changes his mind always in fact what do you expect from a woman the only creature who saw Satan and had depression one to one so when you love her just put it in your mind because you will always change your mind and you will always be in depression but care of her heart you must alright those are a few comments from our viewers some are very touching some can make you cry some can make you laugh that's one thing about this show you cry and laugh at the same time let me give you a chance to comment on those things that they have said in summary putting it all together what our viewers have said one was even wondering about saying we should go back to the market what are your thoughts my thoughts would be from the clips you just watched we conclude that depression is real it is something that is eating up so many young men and young women out here heartbreaks are real they happen and it is how you handle depression it is how you handle that state the post relationship depression that determines the next step of your life I would advise the lady that said go back to the market number one thing you should now first take time and heal don't use another relationship to answer back your ex I think that is the first mistake people make they want to prove they can never be desperate they have people chasing on them every moment and so they think that they can be replaced very fast so I would advise them not to use another man to answer another man don't use one relationship to take care of another relationship let me come to you so to lificapa liye nye now this woman tells you she is pregnant for your boyfriend what happened next after that during all that story when she was given the story somehow I was I was very calm it did not shock you? I can't explain why I was calm but yet I was supposed to be maybe very angry she was just talking she was saying she was talking I remember at some point I now felt that anger and I was I was I was just coming and then it would go things are going to fly on this stage but I was so calm so when I was there I think that was the very moment that God really helped me I just asked God what do I do and I just felt inside of me do the right thing I didn't know what the right thing was but I just thought this lady it's okay I have had what you have to say and then I told this lady can you go to your house then she was like why? I said can you just go to your house she said okay let's go to my house so we went to her house let me get it straight why you friend to this lady? but we were not that close but we knew each other not such a long time but we were not that close so we went to her house then I told her can you call him tell him to come so she was a bit shocked like why is she doing this so I called him let him come so she called the guy and the guy came and this lady used to live in a in a single roomed house but it had like a extension car door it's not really a bed seat so when you come through the door you have to see the inside direct you have to come through this small door so when the guy came when he opened the door so he opened the door when he saw me he breathed like I am done like I breathed he was very heavy so he just looked at me and then by day he used to be a very emotional guy he would cry and he would say he would say he would shed tears so he would cry so he started crying he would say he would cry and he would say so he started crying so when he came so he would say so he would say you don't have to explain anything I already know the whole of the story and I know everything so I told him come in I told him now I just want to do the right thing I am not here to fight anyone I want to leave you people in peace and that's what you did the two of you but I gave them a condition I said I will walk away and I will go and I will not disturb you lakini musi wahi achana kwa ni achana I will kill the both of you and I will turn myself in I told him it is well and good but stay with her forever I don't want to hear that kwa she is better than me then you should stay with her you have no reason to leave her and you would have done so they looked at me by day I was very serious I am telling you I felt like something hit me here and all of a sudden I felt headache I felt like I was going to fall so they asked me are you okay I am just feeling like a headache so I told this lady can you go and get me maybe some painkillers so she went downstairs and she had that flow so she went downstairs and came back with some maramoja I took the maramoja so when I was going down I was really struggling to go down the stairs so the guy said okay let me help you he is still pretending to be a gentleman so I can say dear we went to downstairs so I told them let me go take a mat, I go home you cannot make it to the stage so do this, take a motorbike home I said fine it's okay so they call a motorbike guy so that time now so I told so the guy said no let me let you go home like this so let me go with you so we went together so he took me in the house so when I got in the house so he said I can't leave you I told him you know what if you love your life he came back and told that he can't leave you because he thought I was sick so he said I cannot live in this state so I told him to leave you in the house I told him if you love your life just leave me alone because that time I was so angry I was like I can't do anything to this guy I was so angry so I told him just leave me alone Could this be some of the reasons that leads to the current state that we see men and women killing each other? Yes, that's true because I really told him by the go he was insisting no no no I told him go leave me alone so if he stayed there another meeting I would have done some that I would have recreated let's fast forward what happened after all of this so after all that so I started getting sick and then I remember at around 8pm now things got worse I could not stand I was sweating because I was wearing a t-shirt it was all wet I was sweating and then I was even was bleeding so I didn't know what was really going on with me so I started looking for my phone I called a friend I told her she is called Magi I am in the house and I am not okay so immediately they came so by the time they were coming in my house I was a mess so they didn't know what was going on because I was not bleeding I was also sweating so they could not tell what has happened so they just took me and they were taking me to the hospital there was a nearby hospital and the last thing I remember it was just a lighting from the car so they took me to the first hospital so I only remember a lighting from the car and I fell there so the next time I was realizing myself it was like after 2 weeks later and by the time my mind came back I was in a kuru you were unconscious for 2 weeks no I was conscious but I did not know anything you never knew where you were she lost memory because through that span of 2 weeks I was taken to one hospital they gave me first aid now we went to this lady's house the following day they were not giving the story I was taken to another hospital when we got there they said now this is a bad case we cannot handle it so take her to Madari hospital so Madari now you were taken to Madari so I was taken to Madari hospital because now it was a mental issue so I was in Madari so they were treating me and after that my mum was called she came and now took me back home so now when I'm coming back to my senses I'm not in Nairobi, I'm not in my house I'm not in the hospital, I'm in Nakuru I'm in my mum's home so I'm looking at my mums, who are you guys Pastor when you hear this story what comes through your mind how do you perceive this this was a serious case of depression you see for her it's like just as she said she had loved this man with everything she had given her all in the relationship and so when such happens to her it's like her world had broken down her world had been crippled she looked at herself and she thought nothing would ever work for her again and I believe that is what could be happening to most ladies out here you see when they go through a heartbreak and they can't contain it they are likely to find themselves in a state like this one a mental problem so maybe we can there are few lessons we can learn from her story that might help someone out there number one is that when you love when you get into a relationship number one anytime you see a red flag you don't ignore like for her her red flag was she found the messages but she ignored what she was doing she was just postponing the pain and could it be that postponing of that pain is not made high even when she received information that lady was pregnant it was not a shock because deep down she felt like that was a possibility that could be the case and so when she leaves them and goes back to her house now the reality hits her she now comes to herself and she knows now this is he is gone and this is the case let's read a few comments from people this is Isaac Nalyanya I think after a breakup one should stay committed to the real reasons the relationship ended example even former smoker miss having a cigarette every once in a while but it doesn't mean they should start smoking again also after a breakup you should take on a new hobby by the way could that be also a reason take on a new hobby did you start doing new things after that ya ya ya definitely let's head over to Alice Abia Nyongona say rada ikitu rada pile karamaji rada Winston Obara say we are watching from LD going through such wow I am telling you kupendam to sana dangerous Winston is going through this also the question is is it dangerous to love someone what would be your comment to Winston it's not dangerous to love someone but I believe you can love the reservations and doesn't that mean you are not giving 100% to this person where do you draw the line how can you love with reservations and at the same time give your all to this person okay for me I think I don't I no longer put reservations because I believe for me I take I did not go through that so that I can be broken it was to build me up because after that that season honestly speaking people who knew me before right now they know a total different person because I came to learn more about life I came to learn more about loving me first because there is no way I can love you if I don't love myself even the Bible says clearly love your neighbor as you love yourself so I have to love me so that I can be able to love the other person and again I would say this being had broken by one man doesn't mean that every other man will have to break you actually I was watching one of your shows and you quoted that I think that is a very I can call it a stupid myth people are not the same people are not the same and men are not the same it depends to how the man is brought up depends with I think many men their behavior it is triggered by something there are people who are bitter from day one like there is a video I was watching I think yesterday maybe it has been going viral of this woman who was she just caught the husband cheating and they were abusing each other in front of the kids and you know what I asked myself will these kids ever respect a man or will the daughter ever respect a man or the son respect a woman I think the way we are brought up matters a lot because right now I am in love with someone and I love him and I never preserve anything I give him my all so you managed to get into another relationship but it was after I healed I took 2 years 2 years and some months because I wanted to be sure that I was okay so you are in a relationship right now a very good one you are looking forward to marriage oh my god I can't wait just that man of my dream is it good that you prepared a sauna ok to be honest this is what I normally say kumunchi kakwa mui kwa mui kwa kupika ugali it was a time when I was also cooking kumunchi kwa mui kwa mui kwa mui kwa mui kwa mui kwa ugali it was very difficult yeah sure Pasta this perception that you are in a relationship with somebody you get into an argument and then after that fight that depression kicks in and there is this one question that many people normally ask themselves could I be the problem am I the problem what's wrong with me what would be your take on that my take would be that's a good question it is not a guarantee that anytime you disagree with someone that person should be the one having the problem at times it is us that have a problem and until we address us we cannot address that other person so I think when you get into an argument and things don't really work it is time for self reflection but this we had one viewer from one video the first lady she got into a relationship they ended up having a fight but till today she is asking herself she did kill the kwa gani she has never found an answer to that so that one has not healed yet that one has not healed yet I would advise her to first heal take time with self heal develop stamina develop character hobbies keep yourself busy take time and heal because when you heal you will not ask because if you ask yourself if you are the problem it will become so hard for you to get into another relationship because you will have the fears of hurting the other person personal insecurities but also think she should not kill herself by asking herself what she did wrong maybe that guy was the one who had a problem because I believe in a relationship if I have done something and you feel like you cannot take it anymore it is respectful to come and tell me you've done this and this and I feel like I cannot take this anymore so by the time you are walking I already know why you walked out so for this case I think the guy may be the one who had a problem because if he was genuine this lady this is what happened and I cannot do it anymore also there is a lady who said you can just go back to the market don't just jump to the market personally what really helped me is after that season now after I came back to Nairobi I started from zero because now when I went back home they had even moved my things so when I came back I just came back with my clothes so I started afresh just be focused let go, move on focus on you so one thing that I did was working on myself and branding myself now afresh like Emma it happened you have to accept he's gone he's not the only man we have billons and billons of men in this world so move on actually we even added weight you just have to move on and again the most important thing give yourself time to heal because when you go to another relationship without healing you are going to hurt the other person and you will hurt them badly and this is the question here getting into another relationship with the pain of the previous relationship thereby kama kunashida you always choose that guy or that lady I know you do this because a guy cheated on you you believe all men will cheat so you have another relationship believing you are bleeding on someone that didn't hurt you you are bleeding on someone that didn't hurt you what should you do you take time and heal when you heal the main issue here is take time and heal before you get into another relationship because you will be very defensive because trust is broken you believe all men are the same so you will be very defensive when you see a certain character you will fight for no reason you protect your space you protect yourself thinking this person will hurt you exactly the same way the other person hurt you so you will always be on the war what about this aspect of friends you don't end up with that lady you knew that lady although you are not that close but you knew that lady how should you relate with friends in a way that you maintain the boundaries of your relationship with the boundaries of your friends with the opposite sex I think personally I am right now it's okay I have my friends but I have made them learn to respect my relationship and to respect my guy I know you are my friend but their opinions I cannot let you tell me about my guy because first of all he is mine I knew him first I am the one who introduced you to him don't come telling me like your guy is this and this I want to wrap this conversation up I want to give you time have a final words to Kenyans to everyone watching about this issue of depression especially after the relationship I want to speak to every Kenyan listening to me right now and I want to tell you that it is possible you can walk out of depression the number one thing is you must you must find someone that will help you walk out of depression you can never walk out of depression alone you must find someone maybe a confidant you can talk to you can pour your heart to a mentor that will help you walk out of your problem number two avoid stalking your ex when he is gone avoid stalking them you want to know what is happening in their life stop following them stop following them on Facebook you are stalking them to see who they were with who they are currently dating block them and find time for yourself to heal that will help you heal number three don't waste your pain don't let any pain of your life go to waste you can use your pain pick lessons from the pain and you can turn your pain into a book or do something with your pain pick lessons and let every Kenyan learn from your story otherwise God bless you so much it is well we need a man's conference we need a conference organized by power talk your final word to those watching it today ok what I can say is that the first process the first healing process it is accepting just accept it it has happened accept they are gone and just move on because it's so sad to see the cases we are seeing everyday of people killing people you do not deserve to die because of someone not to die because of love so many women they are so many so if one drops you just take your time as some has said heal accept yourself accept it is done and just move on and above all love yourself just go brand yourself afresh kumukona chora ibrus vizuri start learning how to draw them well and just go out there and just do what you love doing and that man will find you he will continue doing what you are doing you do not have to go and look for him just find you mind found me you was found you when I was busy doing my own things what is his name he is for Joshua and I love him yes Joshua I love you so much baby wow is he in studio he is backstage I love him that just to the end of this conversation thank you so much it has been a pleasure I repeat all this yo comes to tonight at 10 pm now let me read a quote as always by Walter Anderson and he says this and I quote bad things do happen how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness immobilized by the gravity of my loss or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have life itself end of quote God bless you God bless the work of your hands my name is Ram Magukot this is power talk thank you