 Welcome to tonight's live show. You may note over the last two weeks we covered a mini series as it were on the images of women in Shia tradition. On the flip side tonight we'll be looking at the completeness as it were or the complete role of a husband to be. You'll also note some weeks back we aired a program on the Holy Prophet peace be upon him and the Holy Ahlul Vait alaykum As-Salaam being the model exemplar. A mercy unto mankind. Naturally the Holy Prophet, the greatest human being that ever lived, brought to the world Akhlaq, a character as it were. What sort of teachings can we take from the Holy Ahlul Vait alaykum As-Salaam and the Holy Prophet as being the model exemplary role models as it were for being known as Insani karmil, whether male or female and therefore it should naturally filter down to us the masses. Previously as we said we've analysed women. Now in this series today and hopefully as well next week we shall be looking at the completeness as it were for being a husband. We will also cover areas such as moving from being single as a bachelor to that making the transition of a husband. With me tonight I'd like to welcome Dr. Sayyed Amar Naqshani. As-Salaam alaykum Dr. Sayyed Amar Naqshani. So privileged and I'll honour once again to have you here on this live show. I think it's another great topic that needs definitely some sort of analysis and hopefully inshallah we can put some personal experiences as well with regards to this content tonight. There's a lot to cover so let's probably first start off with perhaps the methodological issues around involved in the completeness of a man being complete as a husband is probably what I'd like to start off with. The title is an intriguing title the complete husband. I think that many of us are more on a journey towards completion than actually can ever be seen as the complete husband unless your name is Muhammad son of Abdullah Ali son of Abu Talib. It's very rare to find a personality who can live their lives with someone where by the end of their life they are described as the complete husband and methodologically speaking when you're looking at this discussion it really is contemporary not just historic because we've got listeners out there who are married we have listeners out there who are divorced we have listeners out there who are looking to get married one day and so it applies to all of them and sadly we find that there are extremes when looking at this topic of the complete husband. There are ladies out there who unfortunately have lived with some of the most incomplete husbands we are human we can commit sins but there are some out there who have been severely oppressed in their marriages where if it wasn't for their soft-heartedness it wasn't for their patience if it wasn't for their forgiving nature if it wasn't for the kids sometimes if we're gonna be very frank there'll be a lot more breakups than what we see I think sometimes what sadly kept some marriages alive isn't that you're living with a complete husband nor that you're living with somebody who maybe on the path of completion but rather you culture dictates that if you even think of leaving this person then you're going to be frowned upon yeah disowned disowned looked at in an extremely negative way and so when we address such a topic the aim of addressing such a topic is to try not just to give some solace to some ladies out there who have really seen some of the worst behavior and if not worst behavior a lot of negligence from their husbands negligence uncalled for nor taught by the religion of Islam sometimes taught by the arrogance of our cultures yes yes sometimes because of the arrogance of the way that husband saw his dad treat his mom yeah sure and it's a shame that there are many out there who have been oppressed because of the behavior of those husbands who call themselves Muslim but sadly are not following the tenets of the religion of Islam and so in looking at solutions for this issue and looking at also those who are on a journey to being a complete husband yeah there are some out there who sincerely will ask the question how can I be the best husband possible to my wife you'll find that not just the Quran nor the traditions of the Ahlul Bayt are the only sources that we can use but I think even in the world today there are some non-Muslims who have lived an impeccable life on certain areas which we can learn from in terms of how to treat our wives yes and I think we're gonna see as the show develops that in some cases non-Muslims in terms of their mannerisms in some cases in terms of their physical and spiritual development and in terms even of their humility and forgiving nature we can even take leaves out of their books yeah so there are a number of issues that methodologically we're going to have to try and skim through this in this tonight's section and next week's and sure thank you for that so just to put some context as it were into this show what I'd like to start with is really being single moving from bachelorhood and making that transition to being married and a husband and therefore obviously a name change immediately overnight having responsibilities as it were now I've been a bachelor before and I'm sure other men have also have been as well so just in terms of really I want to put some context in terms of a contemporary edge here not really just from a slant from perceived old-fashioned or even traditional traditions but really how we can relate to the masses out there both here in the west and also the east what what sort of transition should one be looking to make as it were gearing up to move and we'll come to for example the wedding night and actually welcome in the bride sure sure sure but let's let's just go chronologically in order as it were in in context for just moving from bachelorhood to within minutes of having the Nicaricide to be in a husband well I think we all love bachelor life yeah there's no doubts about that and even when you're going out with your fiance in bachelor life it's cool because you can drop her home ultimately at the end of the night but living with someone is you know a completely all together different you know development in one's life and I think sometimes us guys get married for the wrong reasons and that could be a major obstacle in our development into being a complete Muslim husband so either some of us get married purely out of lust yes you know I have sexual desires and I want to fulfill them and so I get married to somebody without the idea that she has rights over me I have to maintain her I have financial responsibilities it's more of a case of how am I able to fulfill my desires and then after fulfilling my desires you'll see that many guys will say this all the time that once I fulfill my sexual desires with the wife the wife wants to now actually have a you know emotional moment with you after you know having fulfilled her sexual desires and your sexual desires and and what you have is all of a sudden the guys like well you know what can I go out with my friends now yeah and so some people unfortunately sometimes innocently when becoming a husband it was more I want to fulfill my desires in a halal way but without having the required understanding be a small pep talk from someone who's a more mature figure or the studying of the Islamic traditions which will tell us about the the rights of the person that we're getting married to yes you're not just you're not just marrying anyone you're this is somebody else with with a vision as well for their future who want to grow physically and spiritually and emotionally with you someone's daughter someone's daughter fundamentally yeah so that you've got on the one hand then on the other hand you've got another area which is forced into marrying somebody right which is another impediment into your obstacle to being a complete husband because if you're being forced into marrying somebody and sadly there are families who are like this there are families who are like this those families who are like this they're gonna be forcing their daughters and in some cases forcing their sons you have to marry your first cousin you have to marry the second cousin or the girl herself may be saying that listen I just don't think he's mature up no no no he's good I don't think he's ready no no no the wealthy family marry him and you'll be in love later and it'd be in love later and so sometimes even the guy finds himself a very sticky situation and that's the situation is that I don't really want to get married now now okay I may be 29 and on average 29 is seen as old in the Muslim community yes yeah but I still feel that I'm happy with my lifestyle yeah I love traveling I love being away with the lads I'm not really sure that I found someone who I look forward to coming home to so that's a second area right the third area is culture sure culture keeps pressurizing you that you know what you have to get married young have to get married young and there are traditions which lean towards your completeness as a husband starts off by safeguarding your religion young right not everybody is the same no no so you keep telling that person that you know half your religion is complete there are you know all these fingers are not the same and the sons in your household are not the same so you as the dad or the mom putting pressure on that person when that person then divorces a few months later you can't be turning around later and say well you know what it's a shame what's happened when that person clearly was giving the hints that either I'm not ready or why is the culture forcing me to do something which I don't really want to do yes so moving from bachelor to being a husband a person really has to sit back and I do sometimes think there's unnecessary pressure in the Muslim community I've seen some non Muslims who don't get married till 33 34 and then after getting married at 34 they have some wonderful marriages whereas in the Muslim community already while it's such a positive to promote safeguarding one's religion at a young age because it's very hard to maintain your balance with sexual desires and so on I still feel that a person must recognize that change is going to come and I think also the girl who is getting married she has also got to be pretty blatant with the questions she's gonna ask yeah that person who's moving from bachelor to husband this are you ready to actually give up on going out seven seven days a week yeah and I might be exaggerated when I say seven days a week but are you ready for the fact that you know we're gonna have a lot of responsibilities it's gonna be children come into our life I know you may be attracted to me physically but it's not just about attraction attraction on the physical level because once you've had you know the physical desires fulfilled what then am I to you yes am I someone you enjoy the convo with or no because the worst thing is living with someone who looks absolutely stunning but conversations with her so boring and likewise on the other way well you know she could be one more stunning girls you'll ever see but she's looking at the person and she's just like I'm with this guy but it's not interesting no charisma no this yes so I think also part of that development has to come both sides absolutely yeah absolutely but in terms of if I can call it homework yeah research or actually finding out the criteria a for me for example to make the right knee at what is your knee it to meant to go into marriage or as it were is it really to be seek the proximity to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala through ala ba'ala wa ta'ala or is it as you've mentioned and you've hit the nail on the head and many a men have done this and I'm sure many women have done this as well for wealth have just gone there for looks or you know I'm ready now and you know let's just get on with it so that aside what do you think youngsters should be doing really now and we'll come to the part actually of completing half the faith as it were on the wedding night we'll come to that very shortly but what do you think very briefly you know singles should be looking for at the moment just because I think this is very important to actually project I don't think in your early 20s yeah when you want to get married your conception is necessarily as mature as saying I'm doing this to get closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala there's many guys out there who are getting married in the early 20s either because he wants to fulfill parts of his sexual desires or they found somebody who they feel you know what we click degree wise uni wise can build the house couple of kids we've got the basics of religion and that I don't think is a problematic nor do I think it's problematic that somebody is purely looking for somebody who's a life partner but I think there has to be a recognition that there are a number of responsibilities physically and spiritually that are going to emerge now that's when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala begins to talk about areas such as Allah says men are the maintainers of their wives we've given you gifts in terms of your ability to go out there and work and earn a living even though both of you if you want can do that yeah and also we've given you a responsibility and that's you got financially maintain her so you may have to be doing two jobs three jobs and if she is used to a particular type of lifestyle yes from her parents household you're gonna have to maintain that lifestyle for her yeah so I think it's not in all cases that someone saying I'm getting married so I get closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala but rather it just has to be more of a case of getting half your religion fulfilled has responsibilities okay and those responsibilities aren't just financial maintenance use you might be used to throwing you might be used to wearing unclean boxes for about eight days in a row you might be used to not necessarily looking after you know your hygiene habits yeah when you're a bachelor boy yes you know us guys sometimes where we're in our rooms and we're throwing things everywhere you don't really care if you've showered as much as you used to you don't care about certain areas do you order all the time and so there are guys like that now you are going to live with another human being you don't want the other human being to faint because of your lack of hygiene yes or to look at you and say what's wrong with this person so I think what needs to be stressed is that there is meant to be a growth in you when you're becoming a complete Muslim husband where there's a sense of chivalry that grows right what we call an Arabic for tour okay a composite of noble virtues that suddenly grow in you moments of patience moments of forgiveness moments of dialogue moments of open-mindedness moments of empathy and love and and so on those composites you know all virtues coming together yes I think are more important than just giving this very what I say cliche statement yeah get married so you get closer to Allah so let me let me let me throw in just a random name as it were so I've just thought of it now Adam Ali Adam Ali so he's now moved from big you know leave in bachelorhood as it were he's now married now let's go to the path as it were to completion which starts on the wedding night yeah yeah what sort of emphasis should be given to that well I think a complete for example Adam Ali sure Adam Ali if he wants to be on the journey of being a complete Muslim husband really should be ensuring that on his wedding night and I said a wonderful night for all the families concerned he should be ensuring that nothing is done which is disobeying Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala okay that is where you start setting the principles right you can either have your girl you know you dancing in front of everyone with her legally you know in Islamic law it's not allowed true or you grinding on your girl Islamic law doesn't allow it or you for example you got some cultures they like the for example Lebanese culture they may have certain dances that they do where men and women are watching the men all dance each other wish and so on again if this is in terms of mixing where they're all dancing even if it's woman just watching the men dancing with one another again you'll find the marriage I do not allow this and then you'll see for example some will play music at these weddings okay and when you're playing music at these weddings now I don't want to say music we've got you know a program of music coming up soon I don't want to say music is a black and white issue I think there's many shades of gray within the discussion on music but you know that a certain music which you'd say look you know what that is more seen as Nashid or folk or culture or kawali but then there's some stuff which you know people getting up to dancing and you know losing themselves and the husband's just sitting there watching this happen your journey is already problematic because on that day when you do become a husband you got to recognize that all of these attributes all of these virtues are all meant to be shown in your gratefulness to your Lord not your disobedience to your Lord I find it very sad when I hear that certain people cannot complete a wedding without playing the the music of certain musicians whose words differ with the teachings of Adil Bayt or whose words differ with the Quran and it's even sadder when you find that there are Muslim men and Muslim woman dancing with one another on their wedding night you as a husband you want to be on that journey of completion it begins from that night yes there are some Muslims say but it's a wedding night everything is excused yeah and as some say the pens of the angels are not present no the pens of the angels are present and as we have many a tradition which reminds us that there are certain places that angels do not enter because of our behaviors so some husbands who think that completeness of being a husband in Islam is about well I'll go to Hajj and I'll pray five times that they know sometimes the minor what some will call the minor sins become the biggest right and so from that night I think a husband who's an upright husband who's got a bit of leadership about them okay we'll turn around and say that you know what let's not start our first night in the wrong way okay then there could be the other type of husband who's a wonderful Muslim husband is and it's that person who will say that also on that night there are certain recommended acts that their little bait taught us you know it's sad how some husbands and some wives are told on their wedding night you know there are some cultures which will say show us the the the cloth of the bed to see if there's blood after you've had sex so we see if the girls are virgin or no and that's disgraceful it's absolutely ridiculous that people have to go through such things where you're told as a complete Muslim husband you must have sex on the first night that you get married and you are known as a husband no why firstly both of you may be tired that night yeah secondly that's if some haven't already had relations from the engagement period secondly why does it have to be that night why not slowly recognize an empathize and if that empathy begins from that night yes where a person thinks about the feelings of the of their partner okay that we're both on a journey if you're feeling tired it's okay if you're feeling the pressure it's okay because it's the first time that you're away from your father's house and there's that moment of empathy to recognize that you know what it's okay there are ways in which we can get closer to one another but we could also on a night like this there are recommended supplication yes yes yes when the husband takes the lead at that moment that's a Muslim husband who's ticking the boxes of completion that while everybody else is more concerned of oh let's say good news and nine months they were big hold on one second let's first thank the Lord who blessed us with this yeah and just to just add to that I mean you've mentioned a very good point as it were in terms of you know the holy abode by the Muslim have even gifted us with what sort of the laws and the very yeah you know narratives to read as it were recommended acts however say no that is subject to both parties a man and wife having by default that love as it were but again if only one person has that then it makes it quite difficult doesn't it well it's no problem don't you know whatever you do on that wedding night you don't have to be holier than everybody else I think sometimes people go through those moments yeah yeah okay now let's go to being youngsters as it were so if you can perhaps just enlighten me don't mind say no what cologne perfume or do you like as it were I mean because obviously to smell good is highly recommended there's no extravagance as it were in spending that so in terms of just beautifying yourself having that decorum what what would you actually well I'd say that one of the first signs of the complete Muslim husband they smell good you know you've just moved in together and the worst thing is and sadly it's not just when you've just moved in together sometimes it's even 10 years into the marriage 20 years into the marriage you've got husbands who clearly do not look after themselves they may when they go into a big function but they take their wife for granted yeah yeah so they go into a big function let's say they have a they mean by someone else's wedding or a meeting they have at work that may be one of the few times that they actually wear something wear some aftershave perfume and so on whereas the complete Muslim man is smelling good 24 7 honestly and I and you know people say 24 24 7 yeah yeah because our Lord told us in Islam Islamic thought that before every prayer we have the traditions perfume yourself yeah how many times you go to a mosque and you'll see that they'll be giving this a thought away yeah yeah and this I thought which is given away is being passed on from hand to hand so that there is this wonderful fragrance and the worst thing for many Muslim woman out there is when they're living with her husband you can smell their sweat be all no use of deodorants on the basic level is let's not go to you know the best of fragrances even though the holy prophet peace be upon his family allows a strife when it comes to perfuming ourselves naturally but you'll find that that person he prays and in the month of Ramadan fast and is known by the people as haji or hajj and when you smell him you're like God save me I beg you go put something on yeah so here's something which I done earlier for the viewers okay I had to recommend my favorite I don't know if it's clear not clear there you go can you zoom in can you zoom in mr. cameraman or you can't zoom in that wall that's amazing okay let me just hide my tattoo just in case somebody has to make a point about it but here you've got creed and creed event us very nice people always ask me you know when you know Arabs love to kiss each other they say people ask me you know what is it that you're wearing and it's a source of pride for me to be somebody who's known to smell good being complimented being complimented complimented and this is part of chivalry as a man generally but as a Muslim husband you smelling good or no yeah creed event us I don't worry I'm not getting any commission from creed although I'd welcome if they take me as a brand ambassador why not yeah considering that could be a few hundred thousand people who may end up buying it but this creed event us for me or I recommend some of our you know males out there by creed event us by molecule mm-hmm you know by the range of someone like Tom Ford yeah you know that is nice nice pieces 10 halogens vertebra you know you've got the perfumeries in London as well go out and buy their range you know Roger for example ROJA Muslim men out there this is an announcement trying on by also the brand ROJA Roger wonderful smells a Muslim husband somebody when they walk into their household the wives like come here now I want to hug you and that's what we want to build so for me smelling good smelling good fundamental being clean being clean what are you wearing you know making sure that even when you go to bed you're dressing good yeah yeah you know many of them will be like to their wives why are you not wearing what I like when you're coming to bed buddy look what you're wearing look what you're wearing your boxers don't look like boxes sure your boxes look like a balloon mm-hmm yes and in some cases why don't you go go to Calvin Klein go to Emporio Amani even don't go to Calvin Klein don't go to Emporio Amani don't go to Dolce and Nevada go to pre-market yeah yeah absolutely go to I don't know there's other stores you could go you could buy a package of 40 boxer shorts for like whatever I don't know 80 pounds you don't have to spend big but look good absolutely you don't tell your wife have something figure hugging yeah while you're not wearing something which hugs the figure and then that brings me on to the point about physique physique now Alhamdulillah us to have okay physique sitting here so I'm not gonna be too harsh harsh we have good physics but fundamentally a Muslim husband looks after their physique and that's missing and you want to be a complete husband you're telling your wife about physique how about you yeah about you is it that difficult for the Muslim husband to go and sign up at their gym yeah yeah go sign up and don't just sign up and go into machines not knowing what you're doing there's no harm having a personal fitness trainer there is no harm whatsoever watching YouTube and learning which machine is good for what yeah you know I I encourage the Muslim husbands to go out look after their physique the physique in turn looks after your stamina yeah I'm not saying a person has to have a chiseled six pack no but at least have a physique where you can fit into a suit now I remember you let me tell the viewers something very interesting here because you know we get some of the limelight but Muhammad over here used to work for Prada is that true or not yes yes and in the days when I used to try and go to the Prada section to buy something not knowing that he's there we bump into each other and subhanallah our friendship blossomed naturally yet naturally because when he was at Prada and I'm sure you'll agree with me how many non-Muslim men of you met physique what they eat the perfume when he's come with his wife to Prada how good do they look don't let people come and tell me these people aren't spiritual they don't know about the people of the bay that I'm Allah so I'm tired of his wife looks at him with respect yeah that when he's walking comes to Prada he can take that suit off the peg and I'm not again I'm not saying you have to buy from Prada even even the classic Italian will tell you that real Italians do not buy their suits off the peg no you get a tail made but when you're going for example Prada or if you're going somewhere like Zara yeah there's a price difference but look good look good look good when your wife goes out with you you got your shirt hanging out your trousers are baggy your suit you've got the sleeves coming you might as well not show your fingers anymore and it's sad it really is sad and some people said this is just material part of our growth and development was seeing the imams of a little bait their clothing was clean clothing the perfume was the most wonderful of smells the physique but I'm a good guy but I'm not honing jammal suffering now one has there been a physique and a CV like Ali son of Abu Talib's never has he ever been defeated on the battlefield never what was this physique again what does that come to the complete Muslim husband watching what they eat yes diet is crucial I'm not gonna come and sit here and say that the complete Muslim husband has to be somebody who who is on a vegan diet or a vegetarian or organic only or cannot have those cheap meals or junk food no no no but what I'm saying is you've had some garlic bro go choose some gum absolutely bro don't sit KFC McDonald's junk food every single day no no try and maintain balance there are some who are out there they speak about the religion of Islam they speak about the religion of Islam and they give you a hot butt of this and Imam Ali said live like this and they'll tell you anybody because you look at him you don't know the top part of the bottom part of the body where does it begin because it's like a square walking some even have these man what do they call them man boobs now not looking after themselves yeah and it's a shame that a person who admires Habib of the mother I'm Muslim and I was such a herb in Yazid up tall a sofa for son the youth look at the names that Imam Hussain gives them up tall for son the youth tell me how many of our people today a Muslim husband can you say you know that that is a farce a lathe a bottle you look at him you are like this guy if you make him run for five yards he'll maybe have a heart attack yeah yeah so I'm I sorry if I've gone on a bit of a rant no there are Muslim wives out there who have been oppressed made fun of ridiculed by a man who sees himself as a complete Muslim husband yeah but who has let themselves go yes and Islam taught us eat properly at certain times fast fast on certain days yes what you eat chew it don't have too much don't be full don't make your stomach a graveyard for animals which was the biggest indicator that you should try to have between a four and six pack you know and and so when Islam was trying to say that Islam was saying that so that we walk around with a presence yeah absolutely really we walk around with a presence yes you know I give met you know when people see my Majalis and Muharram and I'm honored to wear you know the abaya and the Dishadasha and so on I'm honored and it's it really is a humbling form of clothing spiritual form of loving but I'm equally honored to be in an Italian or French suits any day yeah yeah it's not something I see as un-Islamic no no no I think the word the quorum mmm and a power is definitely deficient in you know some people as it were the interior and exterior are equally important I love this line yeah interior and exterior many of our Maulana's in our mosques he's talking about maintaining yourself as a Muslim he's talking interior Maulana your stomach the way it's hanging out you forgot your exterior really it's a Mitchell entire advert and some you'll hug the Maulana and this person's told you Ali Hassan Hussein Zayn al-Abideen Ali was telling about all of them you hug them and you smell you're like oh my Lord is it difficult just for you Maulana just to put some deodorant on yes and that's where that come that person on the path to being a complete Muslim husband can easily turn around say listen if the leaders of the religion and you know Christianity and other face face this problem okay you know Francis of Assisi is seen as a great but I think the sun indications that smell wise it wasn't the greatest or cleanliness wise wasn't the best yes there were certain people of the church who decided they would not wash themselves the Quran mentions in Surat al-Hadeed a Rahbani among monasticism okay form of asceticism or so yes show which was innovated you know Islam never said don't wash yourselves and if you don't wash yourselves you get closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so I think the leaders of our mosques when you hug that leader he is the one who sets the precedent absolutely no doubt that person you're hugging them as a man of God yeah that you're looking up to you're looking up to and you want to be the complete Muslim husband and you've hugged them the breath smells bad some Muslim woman out there their husbands want to be the complete Muslim husband breath smokers breath he smokes okay if you're gonna smoke that much smoke brush your teeth three times a day yeah how many traditions are there about brushing the teeth numerous and not just brush your teeth with a normal brush go and get those brushes which are you know the the vibrating machines revolving ones revolving ones they may cost you a bit extra but it's worth it okay so you know we are just gonna go to a break inshallah join us again in the next moment or two thank you Salam alaykum and welcome back to tonight's live show on Imam Hussein TV where we actually examining the images of men and she tradition the role of a complete husband as it were Salam alaykum Salam alaykum Salam alaykum just a quick recap just prior to the break we looked at you know in fair depth as it were smells as it were the need as it were to maintain yourself interior wise and exterior wise as an example not just to Muslims but to non-Muslims as well and not specifically obviously your wife you know it's smelling good now just let's move now forward into a little bit of time as it were into marriage so Adam Ali is married as it were but he really hasn't changed his mindset he hasn't got out of that mode but you know what this dude me myself and I I am married now but it's cool to go away with the lads you know on on a trip or holiday or leave the kids behind what do you have to say about that I think that's yeah I think that's two important things it's all about a healthy balance yeah you know and a person in their path to becoming a complete Muslim husband there is no such thing as I cannot go away with my friends friendship is so important the religion of Islam that the holy Prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family while married went away on a number of occasions with his friends in the service of the religion for example yes yes you know when you're going away on certain expeditions you're not taking you know your wives with you on these expeditions yes some narration mentioned one wife would go with the holy Prophet but you're not exactly going to take everybody with you and and so anyone who imagines that a complete Muslim husband someone who cannot go away with their friends anymore I think sometimes that stifles their their development okay because if you're gonna tell your husband and I must make this clear that you know while I've come down viciously on on some husbands who have you know not looked after themselves at all there are some wives out there who when it comes to the husband's like no I don't want you to go away with your friends you're always with your fragile okay going where yeah let's see going Ziyara going Hajj or going to for example other resorts let's say which are not part of the so-called spiritual growth of the human being yeah that person going away with their friends there can be a healthy balance in both trips a person can go to a resort with their friends person can go Ziyara with their friends none of them are impediments as long as there is a balance in also going away with your wife and I say going away with your wife yeah not necessarily going away with the wife and kids right sometimes you'll get a wife saying doesn't show me any attention I asked the husband and I tell him this or why don't you to go away have a second honeymoon he's like she doesn't want to go away except with the kids have to be with us yeah I asked her do the kids have to be with you and she's like yeah I'm not why can't the kids be with your parents and you to just go and chill on the holiday I miles away so hold on who's the problem in the search for being a complete husband because I think a complete husband is somebody recognizes that marriage the spark can go on off on yeah and then they take the lead in saying either we plan something or we impulsively act let's see the difference between the two planning a holiday for example you said that listen us two will go alone yeah let's try and rekindle because anyone who thinks that that same flow or spark is gonna be seen is not real no no no way no pressures are coming in it's not easy but you as the complete Muslim husband yeah should be somebody who turns around and says you know me and you will go away and sadly I've seen divorces happen because the couple didn't ever go away again alone yes yes and I'm not always going to blame the wife because sometimes you're the one who should turn around and say now some I'll be very frank some guys when they go away with their wife do get bored very quickly and there are some who makes this in restaurants going away with their wives we're both on what's up the whole time yeah still go away with each other and try and find even that moment of looking at in each other's eyes yeah absolutely one of the most beautiful things you could tell your wife even if you're not talking the whole night just to look at her in her eyes as a Muslim husband and say I love you yeah was a hadith from the holy prophet peace be upon this family where he says that that will not leave the heart no there are many out there they think it's not macho yeah you're saying I love you or sending nice messages you know and don't send text messages when you have to or WhatsApp messages when you have to you can also do things impulsively I think sometimes part of the journey will be a complete Muslim husband is working on impulse when I say working on impulse what I mean by that is all of a sudden telling your wife for example you're alone at home let's say and you just have that moment of sexual pleasure with each other it doesn't have to be in the bedroom no but there are some no only in the bedroom at night that's it there's no impulse there are times you don't have to go away and holiday to have special moments even if you book the cheapest hotel but you have a laugh in that hotel yes you know just around the corner absolutely but you have a good time yeah there's moments of impulse where all of a sudden you can just text them natural but also it sometimes can bring about a different side to the whole let's plan this is date night yes you know you've seen some who will say that this is date night what do you mean this is date night I have to have date night with my wife on Tuesdays I'm right what's your wife yeah when you're a robot why does it have to be on certain days yes there may be six weeks of date nights and six months of no day nights but you can still kindle something sure okay so now we're just going to be reading out some questions viewers do call in the telephone number for the landline is 0203 515 019 you can also text in via whatsapp your questions and the whatsapp telephone number is 07 939 917163 say now so there's two questions salam regards to my inspiration Ammar Naqshrani just a quick question what was the diet pattern of Imam Ali al-Islam and the second question is salamu alaykum Seyed Ammar Naqshrani from Pakistan can you explain the reason why man is restricted to four marriages while a prophet peace be upon upon him did 11 marriages ask him from Pakistan okay in terms of the first question uh the diet of the Ahlul Bayt I think qonanically you've also you've got this recognition of certain foods which have always been recommended and healthy and so when you're talking of a teen was a tune has a basic example the fig the olive recognition of the importance of milk there is also stories involving you know uh honey and so on and how the bees are a miracle of the Lord and how God inspires them to make their houses and mountains and trees and so on I think you notice that with the Ahlul Bayt al-Islam from the prophet all the way to the Imam of our time that these are fundamental foods in their life but one thing which you'd find is they're not over eaters gluttony is not gluttony is not part of their uh behavior Imam Ali al-Islam you know that final conversation that he has before he is struck in the mosque in kufa by abd shaitan son of muljum and Imam Ali al-Islam tells his daughter when have you known your father to have such a great meal and if you're looking at it's like some hard bread yeah with some yogurt and so on so dates those organic you know hard dry brown bread you know some milk yes very natural very natural lovely organic um menu that they have and loving meat but not making their stomachs graveyards for animals yeah yeah I think we've forgotten um and that doesn't mean to say we should go back and live primitively on just bare sorts and rock hard bread but yeah I think we have forgotten really the meaning of good diet as it were there's organic food there's fruit and so and so for that people really just don't make enough time for and as you alluded to earlier on in the program you know there's sitting at halal kfc or chicken burgers and so and so forth and people perhaps have just really let themselves go as it were due to stress stresses as it were pressures and so and so forth um now next point that I'd like to make is basically without using in a derogatory term but really for man to be complete as it were as a husband it is also said that you know he may take his wife as a were as a slave as it were what does it mean by that as it were you know taken for granted that okay I'm assuming that she's going to do this and so and so how should he yeah there are there are clearly in our culture's men who perceive as it were vision they see the wife as a slave at home yeah that's my mom you got cooked for her you got cleaned for her you got wake up when she wakes up go to sleep when she goes to sleep yeah that's my dad and it's the whole concept of this living with the in-laws you as a Muslim husband firstly cannot force your wife to be living with your parents you as a wife should also be very clear whether you want to live with parents absolutely absolutely but some wives innocently they will go and want to live with the parents they believe that they can build their relationship now that husband has to be somebody who doesn't neglect the emotions of the wife there can be a case where the wife is bullied at home for no reason just culture not religion yeah and sadly there are many who have been abused abused and there are many husbands who took out their venom on their wives who they forced to live with the elderly parents saying that we're gonna do this and you're gonna have to cook for them all time and clean everything for them and can never raise your voice even if my parents are wrong wrong now listen buddy there's nothing islamic about what you've just said to her that's oppression yeah even if your wife is very patient hear what she's got to say as well don't neglect her the easiest thing to do is to tell this lady who you know is weak in the sense of her position that society if she gets divorced is gonna forget her yeah is to tell her that you know what these are my parents I love them you don't like it get out of this house no a person engages in dialogue yes the holy prophet peace be upon his family fundamentally would say an hour of dialogue with your wife is greater than in my mosque in Medina now how many are there out there who want to be in the mosque of the holy prophet peace be upon him in his family in Medina we all want to go Ziyara yeah we want to go to the Ziyara of the grave of the prophet peace be upon his family yes we want to sit there we want to read Qur'an we want to read supplications we want to do tasbih and zikr and the prophet tells us peace be upon his family an hour of dialogue with your wife with your wife is greater than that ahtikaf in my mosque in Medina I remember I said a joke once in a lecture that notice how specific the time is the prophet says an hour because he knows after that becomes a bit of a headache but for the beginning it's okay one hour but joking aside one hour of dialogue now sometimes the wife when she's talking to you it's not so much she expects you to find a solution it's just she wants to know that you're all ears and you feel her listening some assume that when the wife is talking to the husband and wants to bring up an issue that there and then they must find a solution no that moment she the daughter of somebody else not next to her dad or mom maybe even an orphan maybe not even an orphan but maybe the dad's passed away mom's passed away you are everything for her yeah you know the prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family what a phenomenal husband he was that even when his wife Hafsa daughter of Omar decided to divulge her secret to Aisha wife of Abu Bakr in Sura 66 verse number three of the Quran right he taught us a number of lessons number one let's hear what they've got to say number two talk with them without getting angry number three keep the door of forgiveness open for the complete Muslim husband keeps the door of forgiveness open for their wife yeah and that's why the Quran would say if both of you repent to Allah yes okay so the door of forgiveness is always open okay thank you for that so now we have a question Salam from London why do men have to be the main providers in the family is there an issue if the wife for another woman is the main provider no issue whatsoever but I still think if you're looking at a survey of the majority of the world yeah Latin America Africa India as well as Europe North America and Australasia yeah you'll still find the main breadwinner in a marriage is the man a woman for example can go out and work yeah and she can certainly help build that marriage but the responsibility has been laid on the shoulders of the man yes okay Salam how should women deal with narcissistic husbands who have little regard for their wives and focus far too much on themselves so we've obviously discussed this in in bite sizes as it were narcissistic husbands who have little regard for their wives I have to yeah some maybe called narcissistic and they're only concerned about you know how do I look my image my this my that but the wife does sometimes have to ask herself is it purely his narcissism or am I not looking after myself the way I used to okay okay now I know it's not difficult with all the responsibilities and then pregnancy and then emotions physically and the emotional baggage that comes with pregnancy and post pregnancy yeah but you know what turns your husband on in the sense of what brings that spark again and also there may be certain areas where communication between the two is vital what I mean by that is the husband if you know your wife enjoys a certain topic talk with her about it open up discuss with her I remember a story there was a husband him and his wife have gone on a honeymoon to san francisco okay you've been in san francisco no I've been in san francisco I lectured in a community there okay and you've got the famous bridge there now this guy he loved bridges his life is bridges this bridge in this country that's the longest bridge that's the tallest that's the highest bridge that's this bridges the wife's like oh this guy ever chats about his bridges for the love of god I beg you change the topic you as a muslim husband have a role in changing and also what things she likes anyway bridge bridge bridge but then comes san francisco and she's told him will you ever chat about his bridges he's like listen don't worry you know what we're on our holiday no more that night he's like I'm gonna take you to the most romantic place you'll ever see right she's like truly that night he took me to a particular place the moon was shining bright it was shining and he put his hands around my waist and while he put his hands around my waist he's looking I'm looking he's like look how beautiful it is and I was like you're so right it looks wonderful he's like it's shining it's majestic and she's like yes it is she's thinking he's talking about the moon he's like that bridge in san francisco the greatest I've ever seen now you got this moment it's a delicate moment yes yes but you as a wife also you got to know listen for example I know myself yes yeah that when liverpool is playing don't come and bring up an issue disturb you please it's not my narcissism that you know what I you gotta give me my time and all it's about myself and nothing more than one my football club's playing in these 90 minutes I'm begging you yeah that if I did forget my shorts next to the bed or through my toothbrush in the wrong way or forgot the toilet seat up down down up up down please don't bring it up now yeah yeah because you bring it up now as much as I'm trying to be a complete Muslim husband wrong time okay okay so now thank you for that viewers do call in telephone number is 0203 515 0109 and you can also what's up your questions 07939917163 what's that questions again 07939917163 um so you know we have another question salamu alaykum I have converted to Islam two and a half years ago my husband and adult daughters are still Christians is my marriage still valid you know in these situations these are very sensitive matters the Quran praises the christians as the closest people to muslims in chapter 5 verse 82 you'll find the closest people to you in reciprocal love are the christians for they have priests and monks who are humble personalities and I saw this humility as you know I was in Rome this weekend at the Pontifical Institute and I saw the humility of the fathers in Rome especially Father Christopher Chlwesi who I give a special mention to right but in islamic law a muslim woman being married to a non muslim man is prohibited the father at the end of the day we don't want to say head of the household to put down from the status of the woman okay but the children are influenced by the faith of the father and the father can remain christian and the children can remain christians up to them right right and if the father reverts the marriage continues but if the father's adamant then you find that in that situation we would have to hear both sides sit with everybody and try and see how we can possibly find the solution right okay fine what do you think this is quite important I think the role should be for a complete husband to be inshallah to raise his children as it were because we've already covered in the last two weeks the nurturing emotional love loving qualities that this isn't a detrimental comment to women the nurturing abilities that women possess her fitra is her nature but what do you think men should do as it were to contribute to the tarbiyyat as it were to re-event their children to what lessons can they lead if for example they are to be the natural leaders of the household sometimes the complete muslim husband doesn't have to say anything the kids just look at the mannerisms with mum and that's enough when they see that there's no contradiction in the behavior with people outside of the house and with mum yeah there are some husbands with the people outside of the house you can't stop them talking you can't stop them talking joking laughing joking as soon as they come home to their wife there's no communication the kids pick up on that yeah sure there are some husbands in front of the people they'll never raise their voice with mum they'll raise their voice yeah the kids pick up on that the muslim husband behaviors cannot be contradictory and sometimes they don't need to say anything the kids will look at the behavior dad's going to pray pray is important you can't become telling your son why don't you read qaraan and you yourself never pick up the qaraan yeah okay likewise that complete muslim husband is the one who'll take the kids to the wonderful holiday resorts and theme parks and football and so on but also we'll take them on the ziyarah yeah we'll go and visit the ahlul bayt alayhi wassalam it's sad that there are sons and daughters out there who never once went to imam al khusayn alayhi wassalam with any of their parents yeah it's sad that there are kids out there and even some in their 20s and 30s never went to imam musa al-qadr imam al jawad never went to imam al rada alayhi wassalam with their father and the most beautiful feeling is being able to go with your parents to ziyarah i've been fortunate to have gone to different maraqid different sites in honor of the ahlul bayt al-qadr with my parents from a young age from a young age like from age of a few years old having been to say the zaynab alayhi wassalam and then a few years later having spent on with my father going alone me and my father alhamdulillah you know no no friends yeah my mom didn't come just me and my father and sometimes there needs to be that father-son relation bond yes and then also going to imam al rada is haram alayhi wassalam because remember i would say in the first 20 years of my life i couldn't go back to haraq yes because of the Baathis regime but then in those first 20 my father my mother would compensate with ziyarah imam al rada ziyarah of say the zaynab alayhi wassalam and ziyarah of the imams of baqia and i think the father the complete muslim husband there's not just one who's paying for the private school tuition because some husbands will do that you know what they'll say yeah they'll say you know what a husband i am who's paying all this who's paying all that buddies sometimes you've built this enormous house i'd have just preferred if you took your son with you to majlis al khusayn yeah or to majlis not moharam there are fathers the complete muslim husband is not just moharam no complete muslim husband will tell their son or their daughter imam al askar is molud is coming let's go to the mosque together let's listen to the majlis together let's talk with people together sure say now thank you for that two questions salam alaykum this right the message is as follows why if mothers are raising the husbands if mothers are raising the children then you know why do why does the husband still have to care as it were about the children who said that mothers are the ones who only raise the children the husband has a fundamental role and if you're looking Quranically then you'll find for example in the story of luqman right luqman has this wonderful six seven verse conversation in surah 31 of the Quran which is named after him with his son right okay um um then after that you've got about how you talk and that don't raise your voices and don't walk arrogantly that's luqman with his son ibrahim with his ma'il complete muslim husband does not leave hajr to bring up his ma'il alone there is a wonderful bond yeah yeah so you've got this wonderful husband wife ibrahim hajr husband son father son okay so don't ever imagine that there is this thing that for you to be a complete muslim husband is to tell the wife you take them majalis you take them to the madrasa you take them ziyarah no you have a role as well yeah yeah it can't just always be thrown at the mother while the father is negligent yeah sure why does the faith this is just probably continued from that why does the faith of the father matter so much if the mother does do all the reason so you may be the same person well if it's the faith of the father at the end day you believe god is three he believes god is she believes god is one if it's in your faith you believe that certain companions you admire she for example believes they were involved in certain so it's better to have the husband and the wife in unison with one another spiritually as to where they're heading right next question salam i would like to know if the wife does not want to live i would like to know if the wife does not want to live with the man's parents but the man wants to switch countries and go back to serve his elderly parents is the wife obliged to end her life and her living life as it were abroad and shift back with her husband to live with his elderly parents so i suppose in that show that is is he compelled to listen to her husband obliged no right but it would be a very meritorious act to help your husband in the service of Allah by looking after the parents yeah but can you say that she's forced to know but their relationship hopefully has reached the level where if it happened the other way yeah where her parents were in need say he was an orphan mother and father died and he was young her parents now elderly you'd hope the other way she has to look in the mirror and ask that if my parents had no one for them yeah would he do this true and if the answer is yes then there is no harm reciprocating love absolutely salamu alaykum sayyid kindly comment on husbands who verbally verbally abuse their wives and call them names how would this behavior change it's very common in the indopak community sadly thank you it's disgraceful yeah it's disgraceful and far away from the teachings of Ahl al-Bait which imam of Ahl al-Bait did you hear swearing or call his wife names even imam al-Baqar alayhi salam whose wife cursed imam ali alayhi salam he did not call her names show me the holy prophet used to be upon a men's family which of them and you're coming and the Quran says and you're going against the Quran which means that there's no way you're on the path of completion asa anya kuna khairan minhuna when the Quran is surah al-hujurat surah 49 verse 11 was telling us don't let one nation make fun of another don't let woman make fun of other woman and also don't put nicknames on it this was giving us moral injunctions okay and guidelines and principles okay okay and the prophet would say the best of you is the one who's the best to his family and i am the best to my family can one wife of the prophet ever say that he called her names even when one of the wives called saffiya that you are a jewish woman because of your ancestry okay no prophet wouldn't come back ridiculing or mocking and did not like such behavior and if we claim to be followers of ahl al-bayt listen if buddy if you're not a follower of ahl al-bayt or you don't ever call yourself a follower of ahl al-bayt then do what you want but when you're a follower of ahl al-bayt you're their representative absolutely stay away from such immorality no doubt that's very nicely put because obviously being that representative just going back right to the beginning of tonight's show means you're a clark smelling good looking good being that example being good at home to your wife no i i personally think it's all well hajj Muhammad i believe there has to be a whole revolution within shiaism as to the ideal man man yeah i don't want to call it the gq man no because the connotations will end up in us getting emails from the same people who will email us until we go to the grave but yeah the connotation maybe but i believe that the shia man with those wonderful role models in islam there is a certain uprightness chivalry dignity masculinity that we have to begin to reassess yeah whether it's gone missing or no yeah there's a quick question here i think this is probably going to be the last question tonight i would be grateful if you could ask said another question i have heard from someone this is a really good question actually from imam ali islam i've heard from someone that imam ali islam used specific du'as before exercise or exercising is it true can you enlighten us please and that's from imam hussain shah as for the specific supplications before exercising i must admit i do not have the knowledge of that okay and if i if i can come back next week having done my research on that yeah as for particular martial arts that go back to imam ali islam that we have traditions on subhanallah about the skills and chivalry and the combat the samurais are in awe of the majesty of ali sallallahu alaihi wa sallam but as for those supplications before he exercised i'm not sure what those supplications are okay i think saying we've run out of time viewers thank you very much indeed for watching us today inshallah hopefully you've been enlightened by dr. seer aman ashwani do join us again next week inshallah and hopefully we can continue this topic in which is the images of men inshia tradition inshallah salam aleikum from dr. seer aman ashwani and myself muhammad