 Is being the oldest daughter of an Asian immigrant family the hardest position to have? Let's discuss. Yeah, let's play the clip from Francine Ng. No, but this is going really viral. Shout out to Francine. She's actually a clinical psychology graduate student. So I guess this is the type of stuff that she thinks about. Shout out to her. Um, it sparked a lot of debate or at least a lot of like conversation. A lot of people weighed in and agreed with her. Maybe some people are debating her. We'll see. We'll go into the comments section, but please hit that like button and check out other episodes of the hot pot boys. Yeah. But what you know what's undebatable, Andrew, is the value of Smala that you can pre-order right now at SmalaSauce.com from Sichuan, Sicily, and amazing finishing oil. And we have an older sister. She did ultimately live a different life than us. Being the eldest in the family, also being a girl, you almost not fully, but you quasi become like a second mother. Yeah, I think she changed your diapers growing up. Yeah, I think a lot of Asian women can relate to that aspect of like, if they're the eldest daughter, they were more probably expected to be probably more stable. You know, I mean, I think eldest sons for sure have responsibilities and expectations for sure, but they're just different, right? Right, right, right. And they usually, and this is true for our other friends, eldest sister, that was like the oldest kid in the family too. Usually they follow the traditional path and they don't be too rebellious or try to go against the parents' wishes, especially in what is traditionally viewed as a negative way. Yeah, I think that they probably, on average, I would bet argue with the parents and give pushback to the parents the least, at least in the beginning. Yeah, and this is ultimately, in my opinion, and I'm sure in Francine, Ing's opinion too as well, a function of traditional Asian society. Yeah. Like, you know, the different positioning, it's just like... Do you think it's only Asian? Now, this is a question I have. Do you think it only applies to Asians or even like just whatever a traditional American or European family may be like? There's probably some similarity. Yeah, you know what it is? I just think that other, like you said, like for example, it might be the same, but just there's a higher percentage of Asian immigrants that are traditional than other groups. Right. Because other groups that may have moved more towards some sort of new 2000s way of doing things. Yeah, I'm sure if you looked at, let's just say like Eastern European immigrants in America or even Irish immigrants back at their time. Or Latino. Latino. Right, yeah. Latino immigrants, their eldest daughters may still have that similar position, right? Yeah. Right, right, right. Anyway, let's get into the comments section, Andrew. There was just a bunch of girls saying accurate. I feel seen the pain. Why do you think it's like so many people that I guess nobody had ever really mentioned it before. Everybody kind of knew this, but nobody had made a meme about it. That's why this has millions of views on TikTok. Between TikTok and Instagram. Yeah, I mean, I think memes are, this is what memes are meant for. You just say one simple thing and you point it out and it's delivered, you know, in a fun way and it's easy to consume. And yeah, I mean, I don't think this is the first time it's ever been said on the internet. I know that there's been like blog posts about this before, but as far as people, they don't like to read, so they just want to watch a TikTok. So yes, I do think it hit a lot of people. And yeah, a lot of Asian women are weighing in and being like, oh yeah, this is definitely my family. Do you think it might possibly be more true for people who are even older? Like, you know what I mean? More towards their 30s and more towards their 40 because those immigrant family waves were even more traditional. Yeah, I agree. David, you remember the part of her TikTok where she says like, you think you're having a breakdown, but then she snaps out of it? Like, what do you think that is? Is it like that the oldest daughter is meant to be super mentally tough, like emotionally tough? Yeah, she doesn't get to be, she doesn't get to like weep in her like. Yeah, I actually think that that's what she's referring to because I think the reason why that people feel so seen is because from what I've seen, the oldest child that is a daughter, that is forced to be that secondary mother, they don't complain a lot almost much like an immigrant doesn't complain. They're expected to just to tough it out like snap out of it. Come on, come on. Oh, you're feeling sad, well, well, you know what, Francine, you don't have time to feel sad. Right, right, right. They can't wallow in it for sure. This next comment says I paved the way and fought for the rights my siblings enjoyed growing up. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's natural, right? You always have every kid as a pioneer for the next kid, right? For sure, for sure. And it can go like more and more each time. Somebody said, I know this is supposed to be funny, but don't normalize Asian mental health issues. If you are sad, depressed, get help, do not just cram it down. And somebody said, I did this until adulthood. Now I have anxiety and depression. And other people said, well, why not just cram it down? And someone said, no, I never thought about, you know, getting help because that's weak. So basically, there was still a debate, which is classic within the Asian American community about how much do we need to lean or not lean into mental health? Yeah, yeah, because I can see depending on what the trauma is or the struggle or the mental struggle that you're going through, you don't want to just keep cramming it down forever. No, because that can have some very, very bad long-term consequences. But you also don't, a lot of us don't want to view ourselves as the weakest person either. So there's this balance where it's like, yo, maybe we should have like a booklet, maybe Francine Ng, because she's in, you know, the psychology field. Maybe she needs to put like a breakdown like, hey, if this is the trauma that you're going through, definitely go seek help. And then maybe if this is what you're going through, maybe, maybe you can suck it up to some extent, but it also depends on who's around you, who you could talk to, who are your friends at the time. Right, right. And we've seen the macro statistics. Asian Americans are actually the group least likely to seek mental therapy. 100%. But then you could also argue, I'm not saying for sure, that some people in America in 2023 are over diagnosing it. They're over seeking mental therapy. But I guess like as long as mental health is help is available, then I guess it's not wrong in seeking it. Like if you just have that inkling, right? It's not wrong to go do that. But I do think there's times where you can suck it up. And then there's times that you just can't, you got to get help. Right. Somebody said, what is worse, being the only daughter or the oldest daughter? And then this oldest daughter came through and said, of course, no comparison. I'm not trying to make this a trauma competition. But being the eldest daughter, not only do you have the responsibility of parents, but then you have the responsibility of being like a child to your parents, but also a second parent to the other siblings. And then, you know, she just goes down a list of like, you know, especially if there's family is dysfunctional, then you almost become the parent parent. If people's like rolls drop off, you got to fill in. Yeah, yeah, you know what it is. I think there's different types of pressure of being a single child from what I've been told being a single child, because too much focus is on you and you get all the pressure, right? It's not spread apart. So then that pressure can build up and mess with you. But yeah, if you're the eldest daughter of a family and you have a lot of younger siblings that you have to take care of, and especially if mom and dad have whatever troubles, you know, they don't speak English, you got to translate all the letters. Even if they don't speak English, or they have trouble finding work, or it's a broken family, then your responsibilities are like times five. So yeah, I mean, I definitely know families like that. So shout out to all the responsible older sisters out there, older siblings in general, but older sisters especially. Somebody said, I used to be really bad at managing my emotions. But these days, I pretty much just go nonverbal and numb once I feel a mental breakdown is coming. Somebody said, same, I'm just quiet AF. But this is this is, you know, like a, I'm not saying this is the best way to deal with it. But it's probably better than having a mental freak out and having your brain go ultra frenetic. Yeah, but I think doesn't how you deal with mental health or like stress and trauma. It doesn't also kind of depend on your personality. Like if you're an extrovert, you talk about it with friends, you're probably more likely to express it with other friends if you have them versus if you're an introvert, I can see that making it even tougher because you already don't love talking to people. Yeah, I did notice that especially like, you know, I don't want to say, but like, you know, even witnessing my older sister, it's like, she has sometimes you have so many responsibilities that when life gets frustrating, you can't fight everything. Like you can't fight every battle. Right. You know what I mean? Like sometimes you just got to like, like this person said, where you're just like, you just go, okay, that's how we're doing it. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think that's everybody. But I think that I think about the oldest sibling. Uh, like just talking about our family, I guess like, you know, our oldest sister, she didn't have to pick up like the financial burden of our family. Right. Right. But she does, she did pick up the, I would say the traditionalist aspect of our family because she has a family going to good schools, getting really good grades. She went to a good school, has a husband, has a family, has cute little kids, um, has a house now that, you know, our parents can visit, you know what I mean? So it has a whole life that she, she maybe, I don't know if she felt it as part of her, uh, duty, which I'll ask her after this video, whether to have kids or not. But you know, maybe she already felt, but I also think it was in her personality as well. Like, so it does depend heavily on your personality on how you handle that. For sure. This is not going to be true for like a hundred out of a hundred Asian families, but it sure seems like a trend that is easily observable in my own life as well as some of my other, you know what it is. I think it's slightly true for like all oldest sisters on different levels. It's all like a little bit true though at least. Somebody said, last but not least, shout out to my older sister. I got to stay out late AF when I was a teenager, while she just had to study for the SATs. Yo, you, you got to be a boy leaving this comment, tuning be this has to be a guy's comment. How different is the situation between boys and girls in traditional Asian families? Yeah, it's pretty different. I mean, it's different. I mean, I think being a boy in a family period versus a girl is different. And then I think... But it is true. Maybe in traditional cultures, let's just say the more newly arrived from different worlds. Let's just say the in recent 1970s Asians and Latin American Latinos, like maybe the way they treat boys and girls is even bigger. There's even a bigger disparity. Possibly. I don't know. Yeah, I think that's debatable. But yeah, definitely. I mean, it's makes sense, you know, because they're coming from a traditional background and the old world. Yeah. Anyways, guys, you let me know in the comments down below what you think about this TikTok. I guess, does it relate to you? Does it relate to your family, relate to your friends that you know? I would say overall it's fairly true. Yeah. I mean, you know what? This is the dope thing. Like you said earlier about social media, there have probably been psychological or like, you know, academic papers written for decades about this, but unless you're in that sphere, it's not even going to reach you at all or unless you're super well read. This TikTok, Andrew, it brings something so relatable and so easily consumable to the masses. So it really is like allowing these ideas and allowing people to feel seen. So as much as Andrew, everybody, this is TikTok. Shout out to Francine Ng. Hey, Francine. Great TikTok. Me and your mommy are so proud of you for making such a interesting and conversation thought provoking TikTok. Okay. Thank you. Francine. What a great starter. Peace. Anyway, guys, let us know what you guys think in the comments section below. Do you agree? Disagree? What are your own personal anecdotes? Until next time, we're going to hop out boys. We out. Peace.