 Preface of Tell It All, The Story of a Life's Experience in Mormonism. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Danielle Cartwright. Tell It All, The Story of a Life's Experience in Mormonism. By Fanny Stenhouse. This contains A Publishers' Notice, A Preface by Harriet Beecher Stowe, and A Preface by Fanny Stenhouse. Publishers' Notice. By the nearest accident a few months ago in New York City, the publishers became personally acquainted with Mr. TBH Stenhouse of Salt Lake City, the husband of the author of The Present Volume, and before they separated preliminary steps were taken for its publication. Almost a year before that time Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe, the talented author of Uncle Tom's Cabin, had addressed a kind note to Mrs. Stenhouse, congratulating her upon the appeal which she had made on behalf of the women of Utah in a little work which she had then just published. Some correspondence subsequently ensued between the two ladies who had so successfully attacked the twin relics of barbarism, polygamy and slavery. They afterwards became personally acquainted, and when Mrs. Stenhouse requested Mrs. Stowe to write the preface for her new work, that gifted author unhesitatingly replied, I am happy to be able to do the least thing which can show how heartily I sympathize with the effort you are making. May God bless both it and you. It is the prayer of yours, ever truly H.B. Stowe. Preface by Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe. In these pages a woman, a wife and mother speaks the sorrows and depressions of which she has been the witness and the victim. It is because her sorrows and her oppressions are those of thousands who suffering like her cannot or dare not speak for themselves that she thus gives this history to the public. It is no sensational story but a plain, unvarnished tale of truth, stranger and sadder than fiction. Our day has seen a glorious breaking of fetters. The slave pens of the south have become a nightmare of the past, the auction block and whipping post have given place to the church and the schoolhouse, and the songs of emancipated millions are heard through our land. Shall we not then hope that the hour is come to loose the bonds of a cruel slavery whose chains have cut into the very hearts of thousands of our sisters? A slavery which debases and degrades womanhood, motherhood and the family? Let every happy wife and mother who reads these lines give her sympathy, prayers and efforts to free her sisters from this degrading bondage. Let all the womanhood of the country stand united for them. There is a power in combined enlightened sentiment and sympathy before which every form of injustice and cruelty must finally go down. May he who came to break every yoke hasten this deliverance. Harriet Beecher Stowe. Authors' Preface In the fall of the year 1869, a few earnest thinking men, members of the Mormon church and living in Salt Lake City, inaugurated what was regarded at the time as a grand schism. Those who had watched with anxiety the progress of Mormonism hailed the new movement as the harbinger of the work of disintegration so long anticipated by thoughtful-minded saints and believed that the opposition to theocracy then begun would continue until the extraordinary assumptions of the Mormon priesthood were exploded. And Mormonism itself should lose its political status and find its place only among the singular sects of the day. It was freely predicted that woman in her turn would accept her part in the work of reformation, take up the marriage question among the saints and make an end of polygamy. Little did I imagine that at that period that any such mission as that which I have since realized as mine was in the providence of time awaiting me, or that I should ever have the boldness, either with tongue or pen, to plead the cause of the women of Utah. But impelled by those unseen influences which shape our destinies, I took my stand with the heretics, and as it happened my own was the first woman's name enrolled in their cause. The circumstances which wrought a change in my own life produced a corresponding revolution in the life of my husband. In withdrawing from the Mormon church we laid ourselves, our associations, and the labors of over twenty years upon the altar and took up the burden of life anew. We had sacrificed everything in obedience to the counsel of Brigham Young, and my husband, to give a new direction to his mind and also to form some plan for our future life, thought it advisable that he should visit New York. He did so and shortly after employed himself in writing a history of the Mormon church, which has since been published. In the course of time the burden of providing for a large family and the anxiety and care of conducting successfully a business among a people who make it a religious duty to sternly set their faces against those who descent from their faith exhausted my physical and mental strength. Considering therefore that change might be beneficial to me and my own personal affairs urgently calling me to New York City I followed my husband thither. On my way east I met a highly valued friend of my family who in the course of our journey together over the Pacific Railroad enthusiastically urged me to tell the story of my life and to give to the world what I knew about polygamy. I had been repeatedly advised to do so by friends at home but up to that time no plan had been arranged for me carrying out the suggestion. I had hardly arrived in New York before the electric messenger announced that a severe snowstorm was raging on the vast plains between the Rocky Mountains and the Missouri River and for several weeks all traffic over the Union Pacific Railroad was interrupted and I could not return to my home in the distant west. That unlooked for snow blockade became seriously annoying for not only was I most anxious to return to my children but also never having known an idle hour I could not live without something to do. At that moment of unsettled feeling a lady friend with whom I was visiting suggested again the book and she would not permit me to leave her house until she had extracted from me a promise that it should be written. Next morning I began my task in earnest. I faithfully kept my room and labored unremittingly and in three weeks the manuscript of my little work on polygamy in Utah was completed. It was issued in pamphlet form and was very kindly welcomed by the press both secular and religious. And for this I was sincerely grateful. I had not up to that time thought of much else than its effect upon the people of Utah but the voluminous notices which that little book received showed the deep interest which the people of the United States had taken in the Mormon question and how ardently they desired to see the extinction of the polygamic institution among the saints. In Salt Lake City I was so situated that I was daily I might almost say hourly brought in contact with the visitors to the modern Zion for during the summer thousands of travelers pass over the Pacific Railroad. Not a few of these called to see me and I received from ladies and gentlemen an interest in my welfare I felt very deeply many personal attentions many words of sympathy and encouragement and many intelligent and useful suggestions in respect to my future life. Indeed I saw myself quite unexpectedly and I may truthfully say without my own desire become an object of interest. By the earnest suggestions of friends and strangers by the widely published opinions of the press I was made to feel that I had but begun my work that I had but partly drawn aside the veil that covered the worst oppression and degradation of women ever known in a civilized country. Nearly all who spoke to me expressed their surprise that intelligent men and women should be found in communion with the Mormon church in which it was so clearly evident that the teachings of Christianity had been supplanted by an attempt to imitate the barbarism of Oriental nations in a long past age and the sweet influences of the religion of Jesus were superseded by the most objectionable practices of the ancient Jews. How persons of education and refinement could ever have embraced a faith that prostrated them at the feet of the Mormon prophet and his successor Brigham Young to the inquiring mind a perfect mystery. The numerous questions which I had to answer and the explanations which I had to give showed me that my little book had only whetted the appetite of the intelligent investigator and that there was a general call for a woman's book on Mormonism a book that should reveal the inner life of the saints exhibit the influences which had contributed to draw Christian people away from Christian churches to the standard of the American prophet Joseph Smith and subject them to the power of that organization which has since his death subjugated the mass of the Mormon people in Utah to the will and wickedness of the priesthood under the leadership of Brother Brigham. There have from time to time appeared many works on Mormonism to manifest to give an insight into the inner life of the saints. Some of those books were written by women some by visitors to Utah or persons who had resided for a longer or shorter period in the territory and more than one at least was published under the name of women who claimed to be members of the Mormon church. How untrustworthy the accounts of visitors and Gentiles are and the reason why such should be the case I shall hereafter in the course of this volume have occasion to explain and that the autobiographies of supposed Mormon women were equally unreliable the following facts will clearly demonstrate a French lady, a countess and a woman of the world Madame Olympée-Oduad came to see me in Salt Lake City she was a woman of intelligence and quick perception with whom to spend an hour was a perfect pleasure after her return to France she of course wrote a book entitled Le Far West and in that book page 335 she said some of my readers may perhaps have forgotten their French lessons I therefore translate there are two principal journals in Salt Lake City The New Deseret and The New Telegraph Mr. Stenhouse is the editor-in-chief of the first he is a well-taught man of German origin and speaks the French language with greatest purity his wife, a French lady, is a woman of the world good-looking, charming, well-educated, a good musician and the mother of 13 fine children she is an ex-sister of charity and the only French Catholic who has joined the Mormon church now here is an example and type let us judge of its truthfulness in the first place there never was such a paper as The New Deseret or The New Telegraph The Deseret News has been in existence for some years my husband assisted on its staff but he was never editor-in-chief The Daily Telegraph was my husband's own paper but it never appeared under any other name little items may seem of small importance but in a case where truthfulness is called in question they are worth mentioning Mr. Stenhouse is a Scotchman by birth and I am an English woman his acquaintance with the French tongue is, of course, limited while I, for my part, never was or will be either a Roman Catholic or a sister of charity 10 and not 13 fine children are all who call me mother and at the time when Madame Elympe wrote there were only eight here I state the whole case briefly let the reader judge of the truthfulness of traveller's stories that comprehensive and truthful works on this subject have appeared I readily admit but most of them are mere sketches such, for example, as that by Secretary Ferris a Gentile but a fair and impartial author or else were published as that for instance by John Hyde a good man and a vigorous writer so many years ago that they are now to a great extent out of date Mrs. Waite is the best Gentile lady writer but for obvious reasons although she was a woman of intelligence and penetration her knowledge of the inner life of Mormonism was necessarily circumscribed two books appeared each claiming to be written by genuine Mormon women they were however originally published fifteen or twenty years ago and although they are still on sale they are as a matter of course silent concerning recent events the first of these two volumes was really written by a gentleman who was himself neither a Mormon nor had any intimate acquaintance with the system and doctrines of that people he obtained from the lady the supposed author all the information which she was capable of imparting and then worked it up in a startling and sensational manner mingling facts and fiction in such a way that the Mormons have always declared that the whole volume was a scandalous libel the other volume was first published nearly twenty years ago it was professedly written by the wife of a Mormon elder but it was really the production of an old lady in New Jersey who had never even been out to Utah and who drew entirely upon her own imagination for all that she could not adapt from other sensational writers on Mormonism this book was first published by a New York firm and being supposed by the innocent public to be genuine it had an extraordinary circulation forty or fifty thousand being sold the publishers however failed and the stereotype plates passed into other hands subsequently the work having come under the notice of a subscription firm at Hartford they negotiated for the use of the plates one word of the heading of each page was cut out a new title was selected some old illustrations and a few new ones were added and an ancient steel plate portrait which had once done duty in some book of poetry the illustrated volume of fashionable beauties of years ago was vamped up and the supposed signature of the fictitious author was engraved beneath it this book now rechristened and apparently a new volume was launched upon the market it is at the present moment advertised in many local newspapers and the confiding public cheerfully buy it under the impression that it is the genuine production of a Mormon woman such is the history of some of the so-called autobiographies which have appeared I mentioned these facts to show that the demand for a true history by a real Mormon woman has never yet been supplied it is this knowledge which induced me to publish my former little work and encourages me to hope that the present volume may meet with acceptance a few months after the publication of my first book I was invited to lecture upon polygamy in Utah and wherever I spoke I observed the same spirit of enquiry and met with a renewed demand for more of circumstance and narrative which I had from a sense of personal delicacy withheld in my former work I saw no way of satisfying myself and others than by accepting the rather spiteful invitation of a certain Mormon paper to tell it all and this in a narrative of my own personal experience which I now present to the reader I have endeavored to do myself not in any sense a literary woman or making any pretensions as a writer I hope to escape severe criticism from the public and the press I had a simple story to tell the story of my life and of the wrongs of women in Utah startling and terrible facts have fallen under my observation these also I have related but my constant effort has been to tell my story in the plainest, simplest way and to avoid exaggeration but never shrink from a straightforward statement of facts I have disguised nothing and palliated nothing and I feel assured that those who from their actual and intimate acquaintance with Mormonism in Utah, as it really is are capable of passing a just and impartial judgment upon my story will pronounce without hesitation that I have told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth Fanny Stenhouse, Salt Lake City End of Prefaces Chapter 1 of Tell It All The Story of a Life's Experience in Mormonism by Fanny Stenhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain My Early Life The story which I propose to tell in these pages is a plain, unexaggerated record of facts which have come immediately under my own notice or which I have myself personally experienced Much that to the reader may seem altogether incredible would to a Mormon mind appear simply a matter of ordinary everyday occurrence with which everyone in Utah is supposed to be perfectly familiar The reader must please remember that I am not telling as so many writers have told in newspaper correspondence and sensational stories, the hasty and incorrect statements and opinions gleaned during a short visit to Salt Lake City But my own experience, the story of a faith strange, wild and terrible it may be but which was once so intimately enwoven with all my associations that it became a part of my very existence itself and facts, the two true reality of which there are living witnesses by hundreds and even thousands who could attest if only they would With the reader's permission I shall briefly sketch my experience from the very beginning I was born in the year 1829 in San Helier Jersey one of the islands of the English Channel From my earliest recollection I was favorably disposed to religious influences and when only 14 years of age I became a member of the Baptist Church of which my father and mother were also members With the simplicity and enthusiasm of youth I was devoted to the religious faith of the denomination to which I had attached myself and sought to live in a manner which should be acceptable to God My childhood passed away without the occurrence of any events which would be worthy of mention although of course my mind was even then receiving the religious bias which afterwards led me to adopt the faith of the Latter-day Saints Like most girls in their teens I had a natural love of dress a weakness if such it be of the sex generally I was not extravagant for that I could not be but 30 years ago members of dissenting churches were more stayed in their dress and demeanor and were less of the world I think than they are today In plainness of dress the Methodists and Baptists much resembled the Quakers My girlish weakness caused me to be the subject of many a reprimand from older church members who were rather strict in their views I will remember one smooth-faced, pious, corpulent brother who was old enough to be my father Saying to me one day My dear young sister were it not for your love of dress I have seriously thought that I would someday make you my wife I wickedly resolved that if a few bright-colored ribbons would disgust my pious admirer it should not be my fault if he still continued to think of me But many of our other church members were more lenient Our good minister in particular bore with my childish imperfections as he said on account of my youth and inexperience and later still when I was ready to leave my native island an extra ribbon or a fashionable dress had not affected my standing in the Baptist denomination I mention these trifles not because I attach any importance to them in themselves but because similar religious tendencies and a devotional feeling were almost universally found to be the causes which induced men and women to join the Mormon church From among Roman Catholics who place unquestioning confidence in their priesthood and also from among persons predisposed to infidelity came few if any converts to Mormonism but it was from among the religiously inclined the evangelical protestants of the old world that the greater number of proselytes came But to return to my story I was one of the younger members of a large family and when I thought of the future I readily saw that if I desired a position in life I should have to make it for myself and this I resolved to do I began by consulting all my friends who I thought would be able to counsel or assist me in carrying out my determination and before long I found the opportunity which I sought an English lady, the wife of a captain in the British army to whom I had confided my aspirations proposed, although I was not yet 15 years of age to take me with her to France in the temporary capacity of governess to her children assuring me at the same time that she would advance my interests in every possible way after our arrival This lady and her husband were as kind to me as my own parents could have been and soon after our arrival in France they procured for me a situation in one of the best schools in Saint-Brieu called the Maison Matin where young as I was I engaged myself to teach the young ladies fancy needlework and embroidery as well as to give lessons in English Some of the elder girls I soon found were further advanced in fancy needlework and some other matters than I was myself This, of course, I did not tell them but to supply my deficiency I spent many a midnight hour in study and in preparing myself to give the advanced instructions which would be required by my pupils on the following day For some time after I began my work as a teacher in that school I spent the whole of my salary in paying for private lessons to keep me in advance of my pupils It was for a while a severe task and a strain upon my youthful energies but I have never since regretted it as it gave an impulse to my mind that has remained with me through life I had not been more than six months in my situation when the parents of one of the pupils objected to the school retaining a Protestant teacher and I was consequently given to understand that unless I consented to be instructed if nothing more in the Roman Catholic faith I could not remain in my present position This was my first experience of that religious intolerance of which I afterwards saw so much The principle of the establishment, however being very kindly disposed towards me advised me to submit and it was finally agreed that I should be allowed twelve months for instruction and consideration During this probationary year I attended Mass every morning from seven to eight o'clock and was present at Vaspers at least three times a week Every Saturday morning I accompanied my pupils to the confessional where I had to remain from seven o'clock till noon after which we returned to breakfast On Sundays there was the usual morning Mass and after that high Mass and in the afternoon from two to four we listened to a sermon In addition to all these services at which I was expected to assist a very good-looking, interesting young priest was appointed to attend to the spiritual instruction of the young Protestant as they called me after school hours He saw me frequently but he was ill-qualified to instruct me in the Catholic faith or to remove my doubts for he was not himself too happy in the sacerdotal robe At first he aimed at convincing me that the apostolic priesthood vested in the fishermen of Galilee had descended in unbroken succession in the Church of Rome but he seemed to me much more inclined for a flirtation than for argument I thought I could at times discover something of regret on his own part at having taken holy orders and in after years I heard that he had abandoned his profession To the numerous stories of Catholic oppression and artifice in undermining Protestants and seducing them from their faith I cannot add my own testimony those among whom I lived very naturally desired that I should be instructed in their religion and join the Church to which they belonged but their bearing towards me was ever kind and respectful although when the twelve months of probation had expired I found myself as much attached to the religion of my childhood as ever and had in consequence to resign my situation I had made many warm friends in the school and none were kinder to me than the principal who proved her attachment by finding for me a lucrative situation in a wealthy private family my new position was a decided advance in social life the family consisted of a husband and wife two children, the husband's brother and an elderly uncle the husband was a wealthy commoner the lady by birth was of the noblesse but poor the guardians of the titled lady had formed a matrimonial alliance for her by advertisement and fortunately for them when the husband and wife first saw each other they loved and experienced not too common in France the fruits of this marriage were happiness and two sweet little girls who were when I first knew them of the ages of five and seven years respectively the young gentleman alluded to the husband's brother had been educated for the church but when the proper time came had refused to take orders the uncle was a fine old gentleman a retired general in the French army and a bachelor altogether they formed as happy a domestic circle as I have ever known the position which I occupied among them was that of governess and English teacher for the two little girls my young charges during the first year made rapid progress which was very gratifying to the family and secured for me their goodwill and interest had I been their nearest relative I could not have received more respect and consideration from them one member of the circle alone seemed to be entirely indifferent to my presence this was the brother of monsieur de Bosque although I had lived in the same house with him a whole year and had sat at the same table every day scarcely a word ever passed between us beyond a formal salutation the young gentleman was very handsome and when conversing with others his manner was extremely fascinating I did not believe that I particularly desired his attentions but his indifference annoyed me for I had never before been treated with such coldness and I determined to become as frigid and formal as he could possibly be himself this formal acquaintance ship continued for two years and I persuaded myself that I had become altogether indifferent to the presence of my icicle while at the same time all the other members of the family increased in their manifestations of attachment to me but trifles often possess a great significance it was the custom of the family to get up a little lottery once a week for the children if my report of their deportment and progress was favorable in this lottery were presents of books toys gloves and a variety of fancy articles and among them there was sure to be a bouquet of choice flowers for Madame Wazelmes as they familiarly called me I knew not positively whom to thank although I instinctively felt from whom they came for the other members of the family always made me more useful presence in time one little attention led to another until at the end of three years I found myself the fiance of the wealthy Constant de Bosque then or rather shortly before he avowed that he had been silently watching me all those years Madame de Bosque was opposed to my marriage with her brother-in-law as she desired that he should marry one of her own wealthy cousins of the old noblesse of France she treated me not with standing with great kindness and confined her opposition to persuading me not to listen to her brother suit but finding opposition to his wishes ineffectual she finally consented to our engagement which took place in the following winter from what I observed of the relations which existed between husbands and wives in France I did not feel perfectly happy in the thought of becoming the wife of a Frenchman although I dearly loved the French people several of my young lady acquaintances I knew had married because it was fashionable and especially because it was an emancipation from what ladies in the higher ranks of society regarded as a severe social restraint it was considered shocking for any young lady to be seen talking to a young gentleman in the street indeed it was hardly proper for any unmarried girl to be seen in the street at all without a bone or some married lady to accompany her but immediately she was married she was at liberty to flirt and promenade with all the gentlemen of her acquaintance while her husband enjoyed the same liberty among the ladies this state of affairs did not at all coincide with my English ideas for to me the very thought of marriage was invested with the most sacred obligations and I knew I should never be able to bring my mind to accept less from my husband than I should feel at my duty to render to him I loved the French people and was pleased with their polite mannerism but I was not French in character and though the prospect before me of an alliance with a wealthy and noble family was certainly pleasant and I was greatly attached to my fiance my mind was considerably agitated upon the subject of marriage as it had before been occupied with religion during my sojourn in France I had frequently questioned myself whether I had not done wrong and remaining absent for so many years from my home and from communion with the church of my childhood and I had always looked forward to the time when I should return to them again to this occasional self-examination was now added another cause of anxiety produced by the thought of marriage with a person of a different faith marriage to me was the all-important event in a woman's life and some mysterious presentiment seemed to forewarn me that marriage in my life was to be more than an ordinary episode though little did I then dream that it would have a polygamic shaping my young ambition alone had led me to France I had aspired to an honorable social position and had found both it and also devoted friends sometimes I felt that I could not relinquish what I had gained at other times I yearned for the associations of my childhood and the guiding hand of earlier friends the conflict in my mind was often painful my early prejudices and the teachings of those around me induced me to believe that the Roman Catholic religion was entirely wrong yet notwithstanding while living among Catholics I saw nothing to condemn in their personal lives but much to the contrary in fact Romanism fascinated me while it failed to convince my judgment while laboring under these conflicting sentiments I resolved to visit my native land to consult with my parents about my contemplated marriage and for that purpose I asked and obtained two months vacation surely some mysterious destiny must have been drawing me to England at that particular crisis and before the fulfilling of my engagement which would have changed so entirely the whole current of my existence my first introduction to Mormonism during my residence in France my parents had left San Helier and returned to Southampton, England to visit them now I had to take a sailing vessel from Port Triere to the Isle of Jersey and thence I could take the steamer to Southampton Monsieur and Madame de Bosque together with the two little girls accompanied me in their private carriage to Port Triere, a distance of 40 miles in order to confide me safely to the captain's care as they wished me bon voyage and embraced me affectionately Monsieur and Madame de Bosque handed me a valuable purse for pocket money during my absence and they all exhibited great anxiety for my welfare saying over and over again a revoir as they entered their carriage to return to their happy home thereby implying that this was not a final adieu but that we should soon meet again I cannot tell why it was but I experienced at that moment a painful feeling of mental indecision about the future I had no real reason to doubt my return to France and the certainty of a warm welcome when I should again greet those dear ones who were leaving me in tears but my mind was troubled by a vague feeling of uncertainty which made me anything but happy filial affection and a sense of duty drew me towards my parents in England while a feeling of gratitude and I think another more tender sentiment turned the current of my thoughts towards the happy home at Saint Breur it was not necessary for me to stop in Jersey for more than a few hours but I wanted to revisit the scenes of my childhood's happy days and to speak again with those whom I had known and loved in early life in later years the scenes and memories of childhood seem like the imaginings of a pleasant dream a sweet charm is thrown around all that we then said and did and the men and women who then were known to us are pictured in our recollection as beings possessing charms and graces such as never belonged to the commonplace children of earth the glamour of a fairy wand is over all the past history of mankind but upon nothing does it cast so potent a spell as upon the personal reminiscences of our own infant years to me that little island had charms which no stranger could ever have discovered and even now after the lapse of so many long, eventful years I often feel an earnest wish to visit again those rock-bound shores to listen to the everlasting murmur of the wild, wild waves to watch the distant speck-like vessels far away upon the swelling ocean and to drink in the invigorating breezes which seem to give life and energy to every pulsation of the living soul but I must not theorize life has been to me too earnest and too painful to admit of much sentiment or fancy as I recall the past little as I thought it during the short visit which I paid to my birthplace the web of destiny was being woven for me in a way which I could not then have conjectured even in a dream at Saint Heliers I heard for the first time of the Latter-day Saints or Mormonites as they were more familiarly called but I cannot express how perfectly astonished I was when I learned that my father, mother, sisters and one of my brothers had been converted to the new faith it was my own brother-in-law who told me this he himself with my sister were apostate Mormons they had been baptized into the Mormon church but became dissatisfied and abandoned it the Saint Heliers branch of the Latter-day Saints had had a turbulent experience their first teachings had been a mixture of Bible texts about the last days and arguments about the millennium the return of the Jews to Palestine the resurrection of the dead and a new revelation and a new prophet but the improper conduct of some of the elders had disgusted the people with their doctrines and the tales of wickedness which I heard were, if true certainly sufficient to justify them in rejecting such instructors the more I heard of this strange religion the more I was troubled yet as I knew my parents were devoted Christians I could hardly believe that Mormonism was such a vile delusion and imposter as it had been represented to me or they would never have accepted it still it was possible that they had been led astray by the fascinations of a new religion in this state of mind I met in the street the wife of the Baptist minister whom I have already mentioned she greeted me affectionately and then began at once to warn me against the Latter-day Saints I inquired what she knew of them and she replied that personally she knew nothing but she believed them to be the servants of the evil one adding, there is a strange power with them that fascinates the people and draws them into their meshes in spite of themselves let me entreat you not to go near them do not trust yourself at one of their meetings or the delusion will take hold of you too I cannot ignore Mormonism in this way I said or pass it by with indifference for my parents my tenderly love have been blinded by this delusion and I can do no less than investigate its teachings thoroughly and expose its errors and if possible save my father's family from ruin she was not convinced that this was the wisest course for me to pursue but I resolved at once to attend a meeting of the saints and judge for myself my brother-in-law when he heard of my intentions tried to dissuade me but finding me determined finally offered to escort me to the meeting-place what I heard on this occasion made a great impression on my mind and set me to thinking as I had never thought before on returning to my sister's house she asked me what opinion I had now formed of the Latter-day Saints I replied that I had not yet formed any conclusion but that what I had heard had given me serious cause for reflection oh she said you have caught the Mormon fever I see I felt a disposition to resent this implication but I was half afraid that after all my sister was right much that I had heard could I knew be proved from scripture and the rest seemed to me to be capable of demonstration from the same authority I resolved however to fortify myself against a too easy credulity and thought that probably if I heard more of these doctrines I might be able to discover their falsity on the following day the elder who had preached at the meeting and who by the way is one of the present proprietors of the Salt Lake Herald called to see me as he had been intimate with my parents before they left the island I hardly knew how to be civil to him though he had done nothing to offend me nor had he been the cause of my parents entering the Mormon church but I disliked him solely on account of the stories which I had heard about the Mormons intending only to be kind to me he told me that on the following day he proposed to take the steamer for Southampton as he was going to attend a conference of the Saints in London and that he should be pleased to shoo me any attentions while crossing the channel and would see me safe home in England I confess I really felt insulted at a Mormon elder offering to be my escort and although my trunks were already packed for my departure by the same steamer and Mr Dunbar knew it I thanked him politely but said I would not go by that boat he tried to persuade me to change my mind and said that I should have to wait a whole week for another vessel and at last I frankly told him the abhorrence I felt at the things I had heard about the Mormons and that I should be afraid to travel in the same steamer with him or any of the Mormon elders who I regarded as no better than so many whited sepulchres he however very kindly took no offense for he knew that I had been listening to those who disliked the Saints I felt ashamed at having been betrayed into such unladylike rudeness but notwithstanding tried to persuade myself that his civility was after all an insult for I had conceived a detestation of every Mormon on account of the deception which I felt sure had been practiced upon my family this feeling was not lessened by the consciousness that an impression had been made upon my own mind the more in accordance with scripture the teaching of the elders appeared the more firmly I believed it must be a powerful delusion here I said Satan has indeed taken the form of an angel of light to deceive if possible the very elect Elder Dunbar finding me unyielding left by the next steamer and had a pleasant passage across the channel and I remained on the island another week during that interval my mind was haunted with what I had heard of this new gospel dispensation as it was called that angels had again descended from heaven to teach men upon earth but a prophet had been raised up to speak again the mind of the Lord to the children of men that the Saints were partakers of the gifts of the spirit as in the early Christian church all these assumed facts took the form of reality and came back into my mind with a greater force every time I strove to drive them away just as our thoughts do when we desire to sleep and cannot our very efforts to dismiss them bring them back with greater force to torment us we had an unusually bad passage across the channel which annoyed me all the more when I remembered my scornful refusal to go in the same boat with Elder Dunbar on my arrival in Southampton I soon discovered that my father mother and sisters were full of the spirit of Mormonism they were rejoicing in it ardently believing that it was the fullness of the everlasting gospel as the elders styled it and whatever I might think of the new religion I was forced to confess that it brought into my father's house peace love kindness and charity such as were seldom seen in many households of religious people my sisters were completely changed in their manner of life they cared nothing for the amusements which girls of their age usually crave and enjoy their whole thoughts seemed to be occupied with the church attending the meetings of the Saints and employing every leisure hour in preparing comforts for the elders who were traveling and preaching without purse and script and in all this they were as happy as children of my parents I might say the same my dear mother rejoiced in the belief that she had been peculiarly blessed in being privileged to live at a time when the last dispensation was revealed and my father though an invalid rejoiced that he had entered into the kingdom by baptism such was the condition of my father's house and who can wonder that accustomed as I was to listen with respect to the opinions of my parents I was more than ever troubled about the new religion which they had adopted the first Sunday morning that I was in England my parents asked me to accompany them to meeting and I readily complied as I wanted to hear more of the strange doctrines which in some mysterious way had made our family so happy but which in other quarters had provoked such bitter hostility I know now that this joyousness of heart is not peculiar to new converts to Mormonism but may be found among the newly converted of every sect which allows the emotional feelings to come into play to me at the time however it was a mystery but I must confess that the change which had taken place in those nearest and dearest to me affecting me personally and being so evidently in accordance with the teachings of the Saviour led me to regard Mormonism with less antipathy the bright side alone of the new faith was presented to the world abroad we had yet to go to Utah and witness the effects of Brigham Young's teachings at home before we could know what Mormonism really was I shall never forget the trial it was to my pride to enter the dirty, mean looking room where the saints assembled at that time no one would rent a respectable hall to them and they were glad to obtain the use of any place which was large enough for their meetings on the present occasion there was a very fair gathering of people who had come together influenced by the most varied motives the presiding elder I should hear remark that the word elder has among the Mormons no reference whatever to age but is simply a rank in the priesthood called the meeting to order and read the following hymn the morning breaks the shadows flee low Zion's standard is unfurled the dawning of a brighter day majestic rises on the world the clouds of error disappear before the rays of truth divine the glory bursting from afar wide or the nations soon will shine the Gentile fullness now comes in and Israel's blessings are at hand low Judah's remnant cleansed from sin shall in the promised Canaan stand angels from heaven and truth from earth have met and both have record born thus Zion's light is bursting forth to bring her ransomed children home every word of this hymn had a meaning peculiar to itself relating to the distinctive doctrines of the saints the congregation sang with an energy and enthusiasm which made the room shake again self and the outer world were alike forgotten and an ecstasy of rapture seemed to possess the souls of all present then all kneeled down and prayer was offered for the prophet the apostles high priests seventies elders priests teachers and deacons blessings were invoked upon the saints and power to convert the Gentiles and as the earnest words of supplication left the speaker's lips the congregation shouted aloud amen there was no prepared sermon there never is at a Mormon meeting the people are taught that the Holy Ghost is mouth matter and wisdom whatever the preaching elder may say is supposed to come directly by inspiration from heaven and the saints listening as they believe not to his utterances but to the words of God himself have nothing to do but to hear and obey the first speaker on this occasion was a young gentleman of respectable family who had been recently baptized and ordained he too was from San Helier and I had known him from childhood his address impressed me very much he had been a member of the Baptist church and he related his experience told how often he had wondered why there were not inspired men to teach the glad tidings of salvation to the world today as there were 18 centuries ago he spoke of the joy which he experienced in being baptized into the Mormon church and realizing that he had received the gift of the Holy Ghost the simplicity with which he spoke his evident honesty and the sacrifice he made in leaving the respectable Baptists and joining the despised Mormons where I thought so many evidences of his sincerity alas how little could that young preacher conjecture how different the practical Mormonism in Utah was from the theoretical Mormonism which he had learned to believe in Europe before polygamy was known among the saints a short time afterwards he gave up his business married an accomplished young lady and went with her to Salt Lake City there they were soon utterly disgusted with what they witnessed apostatized and set out for England when they had gone three fourths of their way back to the Missouri River the young man his wife child and another apostate and his wife were killed by Indians such at least was the report but dissenting Mormons have always charged their taking off to the order of the leaders of the Mormon church but to return to the meeting the reader must please forgive me if I dwell a little upon the events of that particular morning for naturally they made a deep impression upon my own mind it was there that I saw for the first time my husband who was to be I had heard a good deal about a certain elder from my family and from the saints who visited at our house they spoke with great enthusiasm of the earnestness with which he preached of the influence which his addresses produced and of his confidence in the final triumph of the kingdom at that time the summer of 1849 although the branch of the Mormon church in Britain was in a most flourishing condition there were not in England more than two or three American elders preaching the faith for when two years before the period of which I speak the saints left Nauvoo and undertook that most extraordinary exodus across the plains to the Rocky Mountains the missionary elders were all called home and the work of proselytizing in Europe was left entirely to the native elders to direct their labors there was placed over them an American elder named Orson Spencer a graduate of Dartmouth University a scholar and a gentleman a man well calculated from his previous Christian education to give an elevated tone to the teachings of the young English missionaries Mormonism in England then had no resemblance to the Mormonism of Utah today the Mormons were then simply an earnest religious people in many respects like the Methodists especially in their missionary zeal and fervor of spirit the Mormon church abroad was purely a religious institution and Mormonism was preached by the elders as the gospel of Christianity restored the church had no political shaping nor the remotest antagonism to the civil power the name of Joseph Smith was seldom spoken and still more seldom was heard the name of Brigham Young and then only so far as they had referenced to the church of the saints about 18 months before I visited Southampton one of these missionaries had come into that town without purse or script he was quite a young man and almost penniless but he was rich in faith and overflowing with zeal he knew no one there and homeless and frequently hungry he continued his labors of fasting he knew much of feasting nothing he first preached under the branches of a spreading beech tree in a public park and when more favored he held forth in a school room or public hall he had come to convert the people to Mormonism or he was going to die among them and before such zeal and determination discouragements of course soon vanished away he troubled the ministers of other dissenting churches when they found him distributing tracts and talking to their people he was sowing broadcast dissatisfaction and discontent wherever he could get anyone to listen to him and he thus drew down upon himself the eloquence of the dissenting pulpits and the derision of the local press but the more they attacked him the more zealously did he labor and defied his opponents to public discussion Mormonism was bold then in Europe it had no American history to meet in those days this and a great deal more I had heard discussed in glowing language by my relatives and friends and thus the young missionary Elder Stenhouse was by name no stranger to me it was Elder Stenhouse who now addressed the meeting and I listened to him with attention the reader must remember that at that time polygamy was unheard of as a doctrine of the saints and the blood atonement the doctrine that Adam is God together with the polytheism and priestly theocracy of after years were things undreamed of the saving love of Christ the glory and fullness of the everlasting gospel the gifts and graces of the spirit together with repentance baptism and faith with the points upon which the Mormon teachers touched and who can wonder that with such topics as these and fortifying every statement with powerful and numerous texts of scripture they should captivate the minds of religiously inclined people however this may be I can only confess that as I listened to Elder Stenhouse's earnest discourse I felt my antipathy to Mormonism rapidly melting away at the close of the service when he left the platform he was warmly received by the brethren and sisters for so the saints speak of one another and they came about him to shake hands or it might be to seize the opportunity of slipping a trifle into his hand to help him in his work young and old the poor and their more wealthy neighbors mingled together like one happy family it was altogether a most pleasing scene and whatever explanation may yet be given to Mormonism in America one thing I know the facts of its early history in Europe are among the most pleasant reminiscences of my life Elder Stenhouse came up in a familiar and open-hearted way to my mother and sisters and I was introduced to him as the other daughter from France he kindly welcomed me and when I frankly told him the state of my mind he made I must admit a successful attempt to solve my doubts and when I left the meeting it was with sentiments towards the saints and their religion far different from those which I entertained when I entered this meeting was a memorable era in my life End of Chapter 2 Chapter 3 of Tell It All by Fanny Stenhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain The labor of my life begun How the Mormon missionaries made converts In the afternoon I attended a meeting of a still more interesting character These Sunday afternoon meetings were held for the purpose of receiving the sacrament and the confirmation of those who had been baptized during the week They were intended exclusively for the saints but for certain reasons I was permitted to be present The meeting was opened with singing and prayer and then the presiding elder, Brother Coutty, arose and invited all those who had been baptized during the week to come to the front seats Several ladies and gentlemen came forward and also three little children Upon inquiry I found that children of eight years of age were admitted members of the church by baptism which is administered by immersion At that age they are supposed to understand what they are doing but before that, if of Mormon parents they are considered members of the church by virtue of the blessing which they received in infancy Brother Coutty, the presiding elder, then called upon two other elders to assist him in the confirmation One of the ladies took off her bonnet but retained her seat when all three of the elders placed their hands upon her head and one of them said Martha, by virtue of the authority vested in us we confirm you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and as you have been obedient to the teachings of the elders and have gone down into the waters of baptism for the remission of your sins we confer upon you the gift of the Holy Ghost that it may abide with you forever and be a lamp unto your feet and a light upon your pathway leading and guiding you into all truth This blessing we confirm upon your head in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost Amen Then before they took their hands off her head the presiding elder asked the other two if they wished to say anything whereupon one of them began to invoke a blessing upon the newly confirmed sister He spoke for some time with extreme earnestness when suddenly he was seized with a nervous trembling which was quite perceptible and which evidently betokened intense mental or physical excitement He began to prophesy great things for this sister in the future and in solemn and mysterious language proclaimed the wonders which God would perform for her sake When we consider the excited state of her mind if the statements of psychologists be true the magnetic currents which were being transmitted from the sensitive nature of the man into the excited brain of the new convert together with the pressure of half a dozen human hands upon her head it is not at all astonishing that when the hands were lifted off she should firmly believe that she had been blessed indeed She had been told that she should receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and she did not for an instant doubt that her expectations had been realized Each of the newly baptized went through the same ceremony and then they all partook of the sacrament when after another hymn the meeting was closed with prayer In the evening I returned to listen to a lecture upon the character, spirit, and genius of the new church delivered by Elder Stenhouse and I was captivated by the picture which he drew of the marvellous latter-day work which he affirmed had already begun The visions of bygone ages were again vouchsafed to men Angels had visibly descended to earth God had raised up in a mighty way a prophet as of old to preach the dispensation of the last days Gifts of prophecy, healing, and the working of miracles were now as in the days of the apostles, witnesses to the power of God The long lost tribes of Israel were about to be gathered into the one great fold of Christ and the fullness of the Gentiles being come they too were to be taken under the care of the good shepherd All were freely invited to come and cast away their sins ere it was too late and the fullest offers of pardon, grace, sanctification and blessing in this world and in the next were presented to every repentant soul Surely I thought these are the self-same doctrines which my mother taught me when I knelt beside her in childhood and which I have so often heard only in colder and less persuasive language urged from the pulpits of those whom I have ever regarded in the light of the true disciples of Jesus Who can wonder that I listened with rapt attention and that my heart was even then half one to the new faith The days passed and as I pondered over these things it appeared to me that I had at last found that which I had so long earnestly desired and prayed for a knowledge of that true religion for which the Saviour presented himself a holy sacrifice and which the apostles preached at peril of their lives the only faith in which I might find joy and peace in believing But why should I dwell upon those moments soul absorbing as was their interest to me then sadly pleasing as is their memory now The reader can see the drift of my thoughts at that time and I feel sure although I have but hastily sketched the causes which brought about these great changes in my religious belief and in my life that he will not hastily accuse me of fickleness and love of change if he himself has fought the battles of the soul and has learned even in a slight measure to realize the mystery of his inner being Each day the finger of destiny drew me nearer to the final step the young elder whose words I had listened to with such strange and to me momentous results was intimate with my father's family and called frequently to see us and before long he convinced me that it was my duty to test for myself whether the work was of God or not In the agitated state of my mind at that time I could not withstand the earnest appeals which were made to my affections and hopes and within two weeks after my arrival in England I became formally a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or in more popular language I became a Mormon The day was fixed for my baptism several others were to be baptized at the same time for scarcely a week passed without quite a number of persons joining the church For this purpose we all repaired to a bath-house on the banks of the South Hampton River This place was not perhaps the most convenient and it certainly was devoid of the slightest tinge of romance but it was the only one available to the Saints at that time When we were all assembled and had united in singing and prayer Elder Stenhouse went down into the water first and then two men went down and were baptized and came up again Now came my turn I was greatly agitated for I felt all the solemnity of the occasion I had dressed myself very neatly and purely for I believed that angel eyes were upon me I wished to give myself a perfect and acceptable offering to my God and I was filled with the determination henceforth to devote my whole life to His service As I went down into the waters of baptism how thankful I felt that it had been my privilege to hear the Gospel in my youth for now I could give my heart in all its freshness to the Lord before it had been chilled by the cold hard experience of life I descended the steps and Elder Stenhouse came forward and led me out into the water Then, taking both my hands in one of his he raised his other hand towards heaven and in a solemn and impressive voice he said Fanny, by virtue of the authority vested in me I baptize you for the remission of your sins in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost Amen Then he immersed me in the water and as I re-ascended the steps I really felt like another being all my past was buried in the deep the waters of baptism had washed away my sins and a new life lay open before me in which my footsteps would be guided by the inspired servants of God All now would be peace and joy within me for I had obeyed the commands of God and I doubted not that I should receive the promised blessing and that now I could indeed go on my way rejoicing My baptism took place one Saturday afternoon and the afternoon following I was confirmed a member of the church Elder Stenhouse presided at the meeting and he with Elder Cowdy and two other elders confirmed me As the blessing which I then myself received differs somewhat from the one which I have already given and as it is a very fair specimen of those effusions I presented to the reader in full Elder Stenhouse, Elder Cowdy and the two other elders placed their hands solemnly upon my head and Elder Stenhouse said Fanny, by virtue of the authority vested in me I confirm you a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and inasmuch as you have been obedient to the command of God through his servants and have been baptized for the remission of your sins I say unto you that those sins are remitted and in the name of God I bless you and say unto you that inasmuch as you are faithful and obedient to the teachings of the priesthood and seek the advancement of the kingdom there is no good thing that your heart can desire that the Lord will not give unto you you shall have visions and dreams and angels shall visit you by day and by night you shall stand in the temple of Zion and administer to the saints of the most high God you shall speak in tongues and prophesy and the Lord shall bless you abundantly both temporally and spiritually these blessings I seal upon your head inasmuch as you shall be faithful and I pray heaven to bless you and say unto you be thou blessed in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost Amen after the meeting I received the congratulations of all the saints present and more particularly those of my own family my dear mother and father were overjoyed and I now learned how anxious they had been and how they had feared that I should return to France and reject the faith of the new dispensation altogether we were very happy Elder Stenhouse and Elder Coutty returned home with us to tea and afterwards we all attended the usual evening lecture in this way was passed one of the happiest days of my life one which I shall ever remember and yet that memory will always be mingled with regret that so much love and devotion as I then felt were not enlisted in a better cause thus began a new era in my life all my former friends and associations were now to be remembered no more my lot was cast among the saints and in the state of my mind at that time I believed that I should be happy in my new position and resolved to give evidence of my sincerity of my faith the untiring energy and restless activity of Elder Stenhouse was ever before our eyes and inspired all who associated with him with a similar enthusiasm there were no drones in that hive the brethren at a word from him would roam the country teaching and preaching in the open air while the sisters would go from house to house in the city distributing tracts about the new faith I caught the enthusiasm of the rest and was soon in the ranks of the other sisters as devoted in my endeavors as a young ambitious heart could be I was indeed like one born again from an old existence into a new life I felt grateful and happy I began to dream of the eternal honour which crowns a faithful missionary life and I soon found an ample field for testing my fitness for that vocation at the time of which I speak the primitive Methodists in England were doing a great deal of work in the way of converting sinners their missionaries were zealous and devoted men though generally poor and uneducated they resembled very closely the Mormon elders in their labours and in fact a very large number of the leading Mormons had been Methodist local preachers and exorters and the greater number of the newborn saints had come from that denomination with their former teachers or else had followed them soon after the change from Methodist to Mormon was in course of time very strongly marked but for a considerable period the same or what seemed the same influences were at work among the people remarkable scenes of excitement were often witnessed at the love feasts and from the anxious seats, as they were called might be heard the entreaties of self-accusing souls frightened by a multitude of sins crying earnestly, nay wildly for grace, mercy and the Holy Ghost while many of the supplicants would fall upon the ground completely overcome by nervous excitement then they would have visions and beheld great and unutterable things received the forgiveness of their sins and coming back to consciousness believed themselves now to be the children of God and new creatures not that they would ever after be happy in the Lord the experience of the saints at their meetings when Mormonism was first preached was exactly similar to this into the psychological, moral or religious causes of these scenes of excitement I cannot here enter I simply mention facts as they came under my own observation the Mormon missionary often came upon whole communities in the rural districts of England where this good time was in full operation and being a man of texts he would follow up the revival preaching that the spirit of the prophet was subject to the prophet and not the prophet subject to the spirit controversy would arise and his appeal to scripture literally interpreted was almost invariably triumphant even in this country especially in New York and Ohio the same causes produced the same effects it was after his mind was excited by a general revival near his native place that Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism received his first religious impression and saw as he asserted his first angelic vision his followers even in the early days of the church had revival meetings and meetings at which the most extraordinary excitement was manifested when the saints fell into ecstatic trances saw heaven opened and spake with tongues but Joseph a shrewd man as he was albeit a prophet when he found too many rival seers were coming into the field announced by special revelation that these two gifted persons were possessed by devils and that their visions and prophesies must be at once suppressed and he did suppress them not long after my own baptism I was present at a meeting of this description in Southampton it was called a testimony meeting and was held in a large upper room situated, if I rightly remember, in Chandus Street no one from the outside would have supposed that it was the place of assembly of the saints for it was generally used for ordinary secular meetings and I have heard that great objections were at first raised as to the propriety of letting it to the Mormons as we entered the door we were saluted by Brother Williams who expressed great pleasure at seeing us there was a full attendance of the saints and every face wore an expression of peaceful earnestness a person who has never attended a Mormon meeting can form no idea of the joyous spirit which seemed to animate everyone present I am not, of course, speaking of modern meetings but of meetings as they used to be when send whatever that spirit might be which moved the sisters and brethren when they met in early times I cannot tell but I and with me ten thousand Mormons and succeeding Mormons in Utah can from our own experience testify that that spirit no longer visits the tabernacle services over which Brigham Young presides or the meetings of the saints since they adopted the accursed doctrine of polygamy and forsook the gentle leadings of their first love often have I heard Mormons of good standing and high position in the church lament the good old times as they called them when the outpouring of the spirit was so abundant and mourn over the cold barren services of the present day but the elders explain this away it is they say the fault of the people themselves and because their own hearts have become cold at the meeting of which I speak that happy spirit was peculiarly marked an encouraging smile or a kind word greeted me on every side and as a newly converted sister I received the most cordial welcome the brethren were seated on forms and chairs and any other convenient article which came to hand while at the further end of the room was Brother Bench who was to preside and with him several other leading elders Brother Bench gave out a suitable hymn the whole congregation joined in the singing and every heart seemed lifted up with devotion then another elder rose and offered a spirit moving prayer and then the brother who presided stated that for the time he withdrew his control of the proceedings and as the phrase was he put the meeting in the hands of the saints exhorting them not to let the time pass by unimproved there was at first a momentary hesitation but Brother Burton got up and fixed the hearts of the saints by relating what the Lord had done for him he told us of his zeal for the faith and how during the week he had had a terrible discussion with an unbeliever a clever and learned man too and well skilled in dialectics how he trembled at first at the idea of contesting with such an antagonist but that the Lord had helped him until argument after argument had been overthrown and he had come off victor in the fight then appealing to everyone present he exhorted them to similar zeal and promised them abundant help from on high to achieve a like result then arose Brother Edwards a well tried champion of the faith and to him everyone listened with profound attention eagerly drinking in his every utterance I could almost even now imagine that he was really inspired then I firmly believed he was his voice thrilled with an earnestness which seemed to us something more than the mere excitement of the soul a burning fire seemed to flash from his large expressive eyes his features were lighted up with that animation which gives a saint like glow to the earnest face when fired with indignation or pleading soul felt truths while his whole frame seemed to glow with the glory of a land beyond this earth as in the most impressive and convincing language he reminded us that our sins had been washed away by the waters of baptism that upon us had been poured the gifts and graces of the spirit and that it was our sacred privilege to testify of these things the effect of this exhortation was magical we forgot all our outward surroundings in the realization that the great work of the Lord was so gloriously begun and that it would surely go on conquering and to conquer one sister an elderly woman who was present unable to control her emotion burst out with that Mormon hymn which I have heard some old Navus saints declare produced upon the people in those days an enthusiasm similar to that which moves the heart of every true Frenchman when he listens to the soul stirring notes of the Marseille the spirit of God like a fire is burning the latter day glory begins to come forth the visions and blessings of old are returning the angels are coming to visit the earth we'll sing and we'll shout with the armies of heaven Hosanna, Hosanna to God and the Lamb all glory to them in the highest be given henceforth and forever Amen and Amen I have often heard in magnificent cathedrals whorey with the dust of time and in vast places of amusement dedicated specially to music and to song the outpouring of that glorious vocal flood which a chorus of a thousand well-trained singers can alone send forth I have felt sometimes that entrancing state of ecstasy which thrilled the soul of the seer in Patmos as he listened to the melody of the angelic throng the voice of many waters and the peel of mighty thunders and the notes of harpers harping upon their harps but never even when surrounded by all that was best calculated to produce a sentiment of devotion in my mind never did I experience so rapt a feeling of communion with the armies of heaven as I felt in that unadorned meeting room surrounded by those plain but earnest and united people nor was I alone in this the feeling was contagious there was not one present who did not sympathize and thus I suppose melody has always played a prominent part in all religious revivals whether of divine or human origin the apostles had their psalms and hymns and spiritual songs the martyrs there to deum the Waldences made the hills and veils of Piedmont vocal with their singing the Lollards and Hussites had their melodies and in more modern days the followers of Luther, Wesley and may I add Joseph Smith have poured out the fullness of their souls after the same fashion the last notes of the hymn had scarcely died away when another and then another brother arose and bore testimony to the great work told what the Lord had done for them personally told of their zeal for the faith and fervently exhorted all present to persevere unto the end again prayer was offered another hymn sung and the saints were dismissed with a solemn benediction end of chapter 3 chapter 4 of tell it all by Fanny Stenhouse this LibriVox recording is in the public domain life among the saints my new engagements I was now a Mormon in every sense of the word although entirely ignorant of Utah politics and polygamy my dreams were of the life of happiness spent in seeking to convert the whole world to the religion of Jesus which I believed had been restored again to earth by the ministry of holy angels it is easy to say that such an ambition was ill directed when associated with Mormonism but no one can deny that in itself it was the noblest and purest that could inspire the heart of man there was no sacrifice too great for me to make there was no object too dear for me to resign if it stood in the way of my sacred calling the whole current of my thoughts and plans were now changed it was henceforth my duty to be entirely forgetful of self and to devote my energies my all to the advancement of the kingdom of God my life was to be identified with the saints my faith required it and I was willing that it should be so but what of my beloved France all this time and my betrothed husband this reflection aroused within me a most painful train of thought how many fond and endearing memories entwined themselves around my heart at that moment when I most needed to banish them forever with what lingering love did I look back to those dear ones from whom I had parted but a few short weeks before and who I might perhaps never see again to return would be to desert my newly adopted friends and faith to violate the covenant which I had made at baptism to be ever afterwards governed by the servants of God no it was too late I could not now return I tried to persuade myself that I did not even wish to in a word affection and what I thought duty were at war together in my heart all my former ties and associations must now be severed however terrible the cost might be and I was bound not only to submit but even to glory in this sacrifice thus I argued away the regrets which would at times agitate my very soul itself and cost me so much painful thought the trial of my profession in the new faith came swiftly to my door my marriage engagement must be broken off though I knew not how that could honourably and conscientiously be done of myself I had no wish to draw back from anything that I had promised of my own free will and much less did I desire to be faithless to my solemnly plighted word I now first realised the all absorbing influence of an earnest religious faith I was brought face to face with the fact that I could not marry out of the Mormon church the teaching of the elders was against it and I saw that in this they were consistent great as was the trial and painful as was the sacrifice I resolved to be true to my religion how very earnestly the elders insisted upon such sacrifices may be seen from an appeal made at a later date by the apostle Orson Pratt brother Orson was in Europe and speaking authoritatively he set forth the duties of mothers and daughters in Babylon as he graciously styled the rest of the world in the following terms which unmistakably show the purposes of the leaders relative to marriage many of you have daughters some of whom are grown to womanhood others are now young would you have them gather with you to a land where virtue and peace dwell where God has promised to protect and bless the righteous if so teach them as they love their parents and the saints and the truth not to throw themselves away by marrying gentiles teach them to keep themselves entirely aloof from gentile courtships and associations scores of women who once were counselled as you are now are mourning in wretchedness in bondage to gentile husbands from all privilege of gathering with their fathers mothers, brethren and sisters and in some instances cut off from even attending the saints meetings but this is not all they are raising up children in these lands to perish with themselves in the general desolations coming upon Babylon but what is still more aggravating and heart-rending they are raising up children not only destined for temporal judgments but who must forever be cut off from the presence of God and the glory of the celestial kingdom what fearful responsibility for any young sister to voluntarily take upon herself after all the warnings she has received see to it then parents that you not only do not give your consent but actually forbid all such marriages let them marry according to the holy order of God and begin to lay the foundation of a little family kingdom which shall no more be scattered upon the face of the earth while in one country keeping their genealogies from generation to generation until each man's house shall be multiplied as the stars of heaven these were the influences which were brought to bear upon my mind at a time when it was peculiarly sensitive and open to impressions from without while in this uncertain state a little incident occurred which though in itself of the most trifling nature manifested informing my ultimate decision it was a beautiful evening in early summer and my mother and sister asked me to accompany them to one of the testimony meetings which I have already described this meeting was very similar to the others with one notable exception it was here that I saw and heard for the first time in my own experience the gift of tongues exercised I had of course heard a great deal about this gift which was anything but satisfactory as I think the reader will agree with me when I explain myself I had read in Scripture that the apostles of Jesus Christ tarried in Jerusalem until the day of Pentecost when power was given them from on high being altogether in one place engaged in earnest supplication and the praise of God suddenly the building in which they were shook to its very foundation and the sound of a mighty rushing wind was heard and the spirit of the eternal one who, ere the dawning of creation moved upon the waters of chaos descended in visible shape palpable to their eyes in the form of a cloven tongue an emblem of the gift of eloquence and diversity of speech which was henceforth to be theirs then arose Peter that disciple so full of zeal henceforth he was no longer to be called a disciple but an apostle which by interpretation is one sent forth for now he had received his commission and in the power of the highest he and the other ambassadors of Jesus could go forth upon their glorious work but newly pardoned for his great transgression and still remembering the saviour's pitying look and the thrice repeated question love us though me more than these burning also with zeal to give evidence of his love the leader of the apostles addressed the multitude gathered from every climb to keep the feast lo then a miracle the Jew of Jerusalem wondered at the wisdom of the unlettered fisherman the magi from the still more distant orient were amazed to hear so strange a story the Greek paused at the utterances of this new philosophy but the strangest of all was the fact that though utterly unable to comprehend each other's speech they all listening at the same time could understand the words of the untaught fisherman long before I had even heard of Mormonism I had frequently thought how wonderfully useful this gift must have been to the apostles one of the great difficulties encountered by the missionary is learning the language of the people among whom he works and lives to be able to dispense with all this labour and to be understood wherever he went must have lightened the mind of the holy man of half its load and naturally when I heard that the Mormons had the gift of tongues I supposed it was the self-same power of diverse speech as that exercised by apostles and I presume the reader will conjecture with me that it was the same gift or at least some imitation of it how surprised I was when I first discovered the meaning of the term speaking in tongues among the Mormons may perhaps be imagined when I explain what happened at that testimony meeting after prayer and singing and listening to several very fervent addresses from some of the elders brother Seely had delivered a most impassioned speech and had hardly concluded when sister Ellis who was sitting near me gave evidence of being in an abnormal condition of mind which to me was painful in the extreme her hands were clenched and her eyes had that wild and supernatural glare which is never seen save in cases of lunacy or intense feverish excitement everyone waited breathlessly listening to catch what she might say you might have heard a pin drop then in oracular language and with all the impassioned dignity of one inspired of heaven she began to speak I say speak as that term is generally applied to the utterances of the human voice but she did not speak in the sense in which we always employ that word she simply emitted a series of sounds they seemed to me chiefly the repetition of the same syllables something like a child repeating la la la lilo ma ma ma mi ma dili dili dili hila followed perhaps by a number of sounds strung together which could not be rendered in any shape by the pen sometimes in the far west in later years I have heard old Indian women crooning weirdly monotonous and outlandish ditties in their native tongue these wild dirges more nearly than anything else I ever heard resembled the prophetic utterances of sister Ellis save only that the appearance of the latter was far too solemn to admit of even a smile at what she said ridiculous as this appears when I now write it down on paper and strange as even then it was to me there was something so commanding so earnest so inspirational if I may be allowed the term in sister Ellis's manner that I could not wonder at the attention which the brethren and sisters paid to this gifted speaker in tongues I now know that these extraordinary displays are by no means confined to Mormonism people of a certain temperament excited to frenzy generally by religious enthusiasm have in all ages given painful illustrations of this mental disease as the student who remembers the convulsionaries of the middle ages, the Munster Anabaptists of Luther's time and the various emotional sets of more modern days will abundantly bear me witness but at that time new in the faith and believing as I did that as the elder said it was the manifestation of the power of God as foretold by the prophet Joel though I secretly felt a sense of repugnance I tried to combat my better sentiments overcome by the excitement of the moment sister Ellis suddenly paused not so much intentionally as from sheer inability to proceed and the leading elders looked round from one to another to see if anyone was present who could interpret the gift of interpretation is very rarely possessed by the same person who has the gift of tongues and you may often hear one after another arise and speak but there is no one to interpret and the saints go away unedified even when an interpreter is present there is no authority to determine whether he gives the proper rendering of the sounds uttered and I have over and over again heard the most ludicrous stories of the comical interpretation placed by some half witty or half witted expounder upon these oracles when brother Brigham then a man who was lowly in his own eyes first met the prophet Joseph Smith at Kirtland, Ohio there was a scene somewhat like the one I have described and the future leader of this people as he calls the saints himself spake with tongues and uttered wonderful things and supposing his words at that time to have been of the wisest we all know from the example of Balem's reprover that it does not require a very high order of intellect to speak in an accustomed language and that too to some purpose in latter days the exercise of this gift has been discouraged by the elders and especially by Brigham Young going one day some years after to the lion house to see a certain member of the prophet's little family concerning a subject which lay very near to my heart at that time we pray together earnestly and anxiously when suddenly the ladies face was lighted up with a supernatural glow and placing her hand on my head she's simple like poured forth a flood of eloquence which although I did not understand a single word that was uttered I confess sent through me a magnetic thrill as if I had been listening to an inspired cirrus another of Brigham's wives who was present interpreted the words of blessing to me but added do not speak of this sister's den house for brother Young does not like to hear of these things thus we see that one inspired prophet in the presence of another prophet, seer and revelator could himself take part at one time in a miraculous manifestation which in later years he would not like to hear of if it was only one of his many wives who enacted the prophet's role but my meeting I have wandered far away from that let me proceed after more testimony more speaking and much enthusiasm the saints separated my sister was talking with a young lady friend and regretting that no one president had been able to interpret and I stood by but did not join in the conversation suddenly the young lady turned to me and said sister fanny do you not see in all this more and more the convincing power of God rather hesitatingly I replied yes I think I do think sister she said with warmth oh yes I see by your looks that you are only half convinced your faith is not strong enough yet but remember what so ever is of doubt is sin but I answered I do not clearly see what good we receive from these manifestations when no one can understand them that is your want of faith nothing else you have the evidence of the truth before you and you see how these miraculous powers build up the belief of God's people and yet you doubt to doubt is sin what so ever is not of faith is sin you must pray and strive sister to be strengthened against temptation all this was not very logical and it certainly did not help to dispel my doubts but twice in the course of a few short sentences she had used a certain expression which though trifling in itself was recalled to my mind very forcibly before many days had passed this was my first experience of speaking in tongues but there were everyday matters of much more real importance to me than those strange speculations which had recently employed so much of my time and attention it was now necessary that I should either return to France and fulfill my engagement with Monsieur de Bosque or else resolve one sent for ever to renounce all those ties which had become so dear to me meanwhile religious theories were not the only influences brought to bear upon my mind while day by day I began to be still more doubtful whether it would not after all be sinful in God's sight for me to leave my friends in the new faith and go back to France and my betrothed who I knew neither was nor ever could become a saint other thoughts began to intrude themselves and to shake my determination Elder Stanhouse's visits to my father's house began to be more frequent than ever but as he desired to become familiar with the French language and would bring his French grammar with him to he had a lesson as he said no particular notice was taken of his frequent coming he was always welcomed with pleasure by the whole family and of course by myself who was his teacher after a while he took so much delight in his studies that he could not endure to let an evening pass without a lesson and somehow or other I must confess it was the first time since I had been a teacher it was a peculiar pleasure in imparting instruction I suppose it was the interest which all teachers experience when their pupils are studiously inclined my pupil was particularly studious so much so that he told my father and mother that he could not study very well in the parlor where everyone was conversing and begged the privilege of having the folding doors thrown partly open that we might sit in the back parlor and be more quiet that was granted but after a few evenings my pupil took a notion to partly close the folding doors after him and as my mother's eyes are ever watchful one of my sisters was sent in with her sewing to keep us company but my pupil by this time had made rapid progress in the French language and while my sister was innocently sewing he was repeating his lesson to me and it was not our fault in the French phrase books there were passages expressive of love and devotion unconsciously to us both he formed the habit of repeating those phrases to me at all times and I formed the equally bad habit of blushing whenever he made use of them this my sister observed and communicated the fact to my mother who immediately said that we had better discontinue our French for a while as it was monopolizing too much of our time and keeping both of us from attending to other and more important duties but the discontinuation of the French lessons did not put an end to the visits of Elder Stenhouse he was a persevering young man but the secret of the great interest taking in French lessons was soon discovered then it was that arguments of all kinds and strong reasons were brought forward to shake my purpose of returning to France I was in doubt when one day discussing the point Elder Stenhouse made use of the very same expression which had fallen from the sister's lips at the testimony meeting whatsoever is not of faith is sin my mind unsettled with all the strength of argument and religion on the one side and on the other no one to plead for reason and for my return to France who can wonder that I at best only a weak and inexperienced girl listened to the entreaties of my friends and resolved to stay in the course of a few months I was engaged to be married to Elder Stenhouse it may perhaps seem strange that I could so soon forget the past with all its pleasant memories and renouncing my big truth husband except the attentions of another but it should be remembered that I now firmly believed that it was my duty a duty which I dared not neglect to blot out forever all past associations however dear to my heart they might be besides which I in common with all around me had learned to look upon Elder Stenhouse as almost an angel on account of what he had endured for the gospel's sake and I thought that any girl might consider herself honored by an offer of marriage from a man in his position in the church my marriage in France would I feared have been but doubtful happiness in this world and certain ruin in the next but heaven itself would bless my union with one of its own ordained and tried servants thus it came to pass that on the 6th of February 1850 eight months after my arrival in Southampton I was married to the young Mormon missionary Elder Stenhouse I entered upon my new sphere as a missionary's wife feeling that there were no obstacles so great that I could not overcome them for the gospel's sake how little could I then imagine the life that was before me I wrote to my friends in France I told them frankly all in return they wrote to me especially Monsieur de Bosque and treating me to alter my determination kind and very gentle were those letters dear very dear has been the memory of them and their writers in later days but at the time I felt that the influence which they still retained over me was in itself a sin I told all my friends at home showed them the letters and everything and both before and after my marriage with Elder Stenhouse I never hid from myself and from him the fact that until my dying day I should cherish with an unchanging affection the memory of those friends whose tender love was the charm of my early life End of Chapter 4