 A very good morning to you. Thank you so much for being part of this morning conversation. This is Power Talk. My name is Ram Aguco. It's a pleasure being with you on this fine Thursday morning. And of course, this is your number one youth station Y254 TV. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya. We are also streaming live through our website. And of course, today on this morning conversation, we have a very interesting topic lined up for you. Because today we want to find out what are the pillars of a healthy relationship? Are you struggling with the relationship? Are you trying to find out how you can be able to bring it up? What is it that you're trying to find out? When it comes to strengthening your relationship, what is it that you're looking for? Are you starting a relationship and you want it to last? They say it burns out quickly and it fades fast when we have good, of course, these new relationships. How can we have healthy relationships that end in marriage? Today, let's talk about this particular conversation right here on Paragon. Of course, we welcome you to join us in this conversation. In studio, I am with, to my far right, Evans Cocho, Reverend Evans Cocho. He is a pastor, a counselor and a conference speaker and of course a mentor. Karim Sanna. Pleasure looking forward for this. I appreciate it, my brother. And of course next to me, I'm with Violet Mombi. She is an actress and, of course, a property advisor. Karim Sanna, Violet. Thank you so much, Ram. It's a pleasure having the both of you. It's a pleasure. Interestingly, I thought it was... I thought that I have hosted the both of you before at the same time. No, it's not. Never. No, it's really. Hey, hey, hey. I should check my... I should use it for the first time. Yeah. First time. All right. But thank you so much for coming. I appreciate it. If at all you're just joining us from home. Pillars of a healthy relationship. What are they? Tell us. What is the secret towards the success of your relationship? Is your relationship going well? What are the secrets? What is the secret to a healthy marriage? What are the pillars of our relationship? Let's talk about it. The hashtag is a power talk. Show on Twitter. That's a power talk. Show on Twitter. At Ram Agucco. At Y254 Channel. Over to our Facebook page. And, of course, drop in your comment on the comment section. You will see our photograph of our, you know, of this fantastic panel. Drop in your comment on the comment section below. And, of course, don't forget like the page. And, of course, share and subscribe. The hashtag is part of show. Let's get this show going. And, of course, I would like to start with you, Reverend. And, of course, I want to start on a personal note. You're married. What are some of the secrets that you've managed to acquire that have made your own marriage successful? Thank you, Ram. And thank you one more time for calling me back again. One of the things I want us to look at first before we get to these other things is that we were created to relate. God created us to relate. No one can do this life alone. In fact, a principle rule of God is said when he referred to relationship, he said that it is not good for a man to be alone. So, God created us for relationship. We cannot, you cannot survive alone. And being that he created us for relationship, that means there are principles or guidelines that are guiding every successful relationship. So, somebody should not just say that, you know what, I don't need a man. I'm okay the way I am. As long as I have my money, I can take care of my children. I do not need a man or I don't need a woman. The world and most of the West are trying to bring a lot of their cultures into our lives. But I want to say, as a servant of God, I would advise that every person should be described by the Scriptures. And two, now that we know that we were created to relate, there are rules, there are guidelines that brings about this thing called healthy relationship. Healthy meaning progressive, healthy meaning successful, healthy meanings effective, healthy meaning relationship that is going somewhere. And there are so many other things, I don't know which one to start with, but there are so many other things. I've been in marriage now for this is my 16th year. And I would not say that I would not look at the camera and say that we don't have challenges. We have had challenges, some of them are very terrible. But we have just mastered to navigate and overcome them. And we are still standing. So number one, I would say love, which I would combine together with friendship because both two things are covenant languages. Both love and friendship is a covenant language. You are a friend to your wife? You have to. You have to be a friend to your wife? You have to. And you love her at the same time? Yes. And you know, when we talk about love, most of the time when love is talked about, we think about what we give. But we don't think that the aspect of love begins with me. I need to love myself. The Bible says that love enables you to love yourself. So it begins by loving myself first, tasting that thing called love. This animal called love. What is it? I have to taste it. Then I can give. You cannot give what you are not. You cannot give what you don't have. You love yourself and you are able now to give what you are and what you have. So love is number one. Love is number one. Together with friendship, we have to be friends. You cannot effectively have a healthy relationship with somebody who is not your friend. You'll be kicking each other every day. Friendship is a neutralizing factor where we are able to compromise so many other things, our rights, our tab, our cultures, just for my partner. Yes, because I love, because he's my friend. But just to mention, but a few, those things that have kept your marriage to this far, just mention a few of them. One is love. Love is the one. Friendship. Number two is trust. Trust. Number three is communication. Okay. Number four, I would say what we call boundaries. Alright. Can I continue? Okay. Let me keep it there. I'll come back to you. Of course, now let me come to you to give your opening remarks. I wanted to start with Reverend Kochio because he's married and I wanted to hear, because many youths wonder, how do these people who are married survive? Some of us, I know somebody watching you, you've just been with that person for like a few months or just a year and you can't just, you just want to get rid of them. So that is from somebody who is in, inside the cooking pot. Violet, do you think that it's important for us to first understand things like these, the pillars of a healthy relationship? And of course, how far can it go? Should we just say that you just kick the ball as you go and let everything just fall into its own place? Should we have that mindset? Okay, number one, thank you. Number one, I agree with most of the things Reverend has said about a healthy relationship in the pillars. And yes, if you're looking into a healthy relationship, there are a number of things you have to consider. You can just start the relationship and go where to. You need to have things, you need to have things that you're seeing. Alright, sorry, sorry. I'm being told once again, we'd love to share that mic. That on me. Give her that mic. Yes, thank you. We will go to Taina to Tukienda. Yes, so you just have to start again. I don't know if you guys had everything that she said but just start fresh. Okay, so I was saying, I agree with most of the things Reverend said about a healthy relationship and the pillars. And also you have said, should we just start the relationship and go? No, I think you should first consider, you should be intentional first. You should first sit down and talk about what are your boundaries? What are the dos and don'ts? What are the things that I consider healthy and what are the things that you consider healthy on your side? Because you can't be saying you want to be in a healthy relationship and there are things that favours you alone. They should favour your partner as well. So it goes both ways. It goes both ways. Should you go with the flow? No, you should not go with the flow. Because, you know, a relationship is like work. That needs commitment. That needs order. You can just... You know, there are things that you need to do to get to a party. Everything at any time. You need it to plan. So I don't think... If you do these things to me, this is how I find it. And the other party should also lay out should put everything on the table and say what is it that you think is working for you and what is not working for you. So that if you begin the relationship and if you come a hurry and one is going astray, you will remain there. I thought we talked about this. So we should, to not far to recubish. Alright. So it's important for us to recognise their pillars and their aspects we need to build for us to have a strong relationship. Now, I want to divide this discussion into two parts. First, let's talk about somebody who is about to date. Are there those things that they need to look into? Is there a checklist that, you know, once I get to my next relationship, I need to have established one, two, three and four because they are saying these might be pillars that might make my relationship strong. So the checklist is there that they've got. So before I enter, I get into another relationship. If somebody meets my list or my criteria, they're good to go. Let's start with before I get into a relationship. Reven Kocho. What are the things that somebody who is thinking of getting into a relationship should consider? The one is a personal identity. Alright. Sorry. I'm being told that there's a problem with our mic. So I want to just take a short break as we check that sound. Of course, keep talking to us. What are the pillars of a healthy relationship in your own experience? We'll be back in a bit. This is Power Talk. Why 254? Imagine. This is Power Talk. And of course, we value your feedback. Keep talking to us. So I don't know where we can pick it up from. So 22 Koenig. Do you understand? Yes. Yes. Let's continue with you. Of course, we were talking about pillars of a healthy relationship. So, yes. We were still on you, Reven Kocho. We were looking at this person who is here to get to a relationship. And I said that so many things around relationship has to be deliberate, has to be intentional. And I said, number one, you have to work on your personal identity. You know, you need to ask yourself, if you are to marry yourself or if you are to be your own friend, will you entertain yourself? Will you be happy with who you are? So your personal identity brings a lot so many things. Number one, your maturity, your character, your understanding. Yes, yes. So before you get into a relationship, work first of all on your personal identity. Who are you? Are you up to the task? Are you mature enough to understand how to navigate within the corridors of relationship? Are you somebody that somebody can love, somebody can respect? And you know, before you talk about being respected, you have to respect yourself. Are you somebody that can be trusted? Do you trust yourself? So you're saying before you start any relationship, the checklist should start with you. The most dangerous thing that so many people do, they check and start with what they want to bring, who they want to bring in their lives. And that's very wrong. Because you are bringing somebody in your life, yet you don't know who you are. So when this person begins to relate to you, even in a right way, you'll get offended because you don't even understand who you are. You don't even understand what you want. You don't even understand what are the boundaries. How do I relate? How do I talk? When such a thing comes up, how do I deal with it? So you need to work on yourself. The checklist begins with you. So let's get this idea, Violet. Is it wrong? Because you have people who say, I can't date a man who does this. I can't date a man who is like this. Or I can't date a woman who is like this. And there are things that they are saying, particularly that if they see, it's a red flag. It's a no-go zone. You know, before you see a red flag in someone else, have you seen yourself? Have you seen yourself as a red flag? You know, you make me a red flag yourself. You are calling other people a red flag. So what I think, first, during the Reverend at Sage, have a meeting with yourself. Before you even get into that relationship. Before you think you want to have that relationship. First, think about yourself. Have a meeting and ask yourself some of the things. You know, before you get into something, you have to be whole. You're not asking you to be perfect, but first you have to be whole for you to come together with someone else. And both of you can be one thing. But still, is it wrong for you to say that if somebody has this, I can't date a woman or a man? It's not wrong. It's not wrong. It's not wrong to have a boundaries. It's not wrong to have boundaries. That's okay. Does that break a pillar? So it doesn't break any pillar? Okay, it doesn't break a pillar. It's okay. It's okay. Okay. Just go. Okay, what I'm saying, it's okay to have a boundary and understand what you don't want in someone else. But you must have assessed yourself first. You must have assessed yourself first for you to understand someone else. So it's okay to have that boundary. I agree. Okay, okay. Let me ask you this question. Now, if you look at those who are still in a fresh and young relationship, it always burns bright. But the problem is, it burns bright and fades fast. Is it because of lack of priorities in these young relationships? It is number one lack of proper identity. And number two is also about our expectations. You know, before you expect something from somebody, are you able to live what you are expecting? You don't need to expect people to give you what you are not able to give them. When you talk about love, you expect somebody who is going to love you, somebody who is just going to listen to you. When you say something is yes, yes sir, a upon a sour, in fact, in Mekubali, but the thing is, are you also able to give that? So one of the major problems of our generation, they have a lot of expectations. The things that themselves they cannot deliver. And let me, what Violet said is true. You know, having this, outlining these red flags is part of the principle, by the way, that governs every relationship. You must know what you can subscribe to and what you cannot. That is not being too hard, that is not being too bad. It's knowing who I am. It's not scrutinizing too much. I cannot eat everything. When I go to a restaurant, by the way, there are some, you know, my favorite dish. When I go to a restaurant or a hotel, I tell them, this is what I need, and I need it this way. Like when someone in love got me, when I go to a hotel I will tell them it has a lot of onion, make it brown, make it without chili. I'm trying to tell them what I need, because I know who I am. I know my taste. So when I say that if this lady does this, and does this, and who or she is like this, I cannot date such a lady, that is okay. Violet, are there things that if you see, I think Hamak is okay, and you will say, no, I can't date a man who does this. Honestly, I would, there are things that I might see, but really I would not, I find like there are deal breakers for me, so I would not go ahead with that. Like what? What is your deal breaker? I can't date a man who does this. Okay, for me, I really hate violent people. Violent people, people I will not be close to. So, if I see you, someone I will date, but we've gone for a date, and you are fighting the waitresses, you are fighting, you are so argumentative, I would not. But violence isn't always seen on day one, is it? Violence isn't always seen on day one. Some people will see it on day one. You will see. But they can't change. They won't do it to you, but you can see how they relate with people, even how they pick their calls. They don't even have time to do this. You will see. Sometimes somebody is argue with his mother, or her mother, on phone. Now, let me ask you this question. You see, you specifically put out that if a man is violent, and of course that is one example among many, that is a deal breaker. That's a deal breaker. Is there a percentage towards this list that should be met? Because nobody is perfect. You are talking about pillars of our relationship yet nobody is perfect. So, how can a pillar be strong with people who are not perfect? Nobody is perfect. That's what I mean when you hear me. But, you see, before you get into that, you have already done some assessment. We should deal with who you are. So, as much as you are not perfect, a violent person would not be my cup of tea. There are some things that are also not good, but number one, violence. And many others that I will talk as we continue. Okay, okay. The same question to you. What are the pillars with weak people? We don't talk about perfection when we talk about relationship. Even God does not expect perfect people. God expects excellent people. If I know that is why I still go back to identity, personal identity. If I know myself I am not perfect, I should not expect perfection in another person. But at least there are some red lines that somebody should not cross. Like you will talk about violent, violence or violent people. And I would also say that I really hate somebody who is a liar. One of the pillars of a successful relationship or a healthy relationship, we must be truthful and honest to one another or to each other. It's called honesty. Be honest. Don't be who you are not. By the way, people who portray another life that they are not, they are dangerous more than al-shabaab. Because I have seen this, I am a counselor and I am a pastor, my friend Ram. I have seen weddings that happen today and in the next one month or two weeks they are broken. Somebody is throwing ring away. Why? Because this man or this lady portrays a life that is not. For example, it is more so with men. And I think men are doing it because of the pressures they are getting from them. Because these ladies need a classy man, you know, this man with a good wallet, you know with a home. Come on, having a nice car, having a nice life, you know. And you want to try to put yourself there. You are not there. So, when you get to marry now, the reality debunks on you. Then you realize you cannot maintain the things that you are trying to show off. That is when you realize men can now tell the ladies, you know when you are still doing marketing, you can do so many things. But now you bought an object and you have something at home. You are now not doing marketing again. So, please, I would say that every successful marriage or any successful relationship must have this pillar called Honestry. Now, of course, I want us to take a look at what people are saying. Let me just read a few of what people are saying on social media. Because you have asked the question to the youth, sir. Syria, my pains is strong. And of course we are saying you talk to us and this is ancient financing. My love is an energy that requires a state of balance. It requires trust. So, trust is a foundation. Like Amy experiences the difference. Keep talking to us. We shall talk about experience. We shall talk about trust. We shall talk about, you said boundaries. After this break, we will be back in a bit. Why 254? Imagine. Yes, yes, yes. Welcome back. This is Power Talk. And of course I want us to take a look at what people are saying on our Facebook platform. That's a 244 channel. And as I said earlier on, ensure that you follow us on our Facebook page. It's all about understanding what are the pillars of a healthy relationship on this fine Thursday morning. And let's bring them up Timothy. Do you have them? You have Scott and Anna Sema. The main thing is to trust each other. To have no fear to raise your issue and your opinion in a relationship. And this helps match to some amount of difficulties in the relationship. Otherwise, without the two, the relationship could turn to be at the A. This is what I'm trying to say. Understand? Thank you so much. I don't know. I don't know. Faiza Kadoli. Kadoli. I'm Faiza. Watching you from Machako, waiting to hear from you guys. Nowadays, relationship ain't working well like before. Does it mean that time makes things be affected? How do you trust it? Ben Lang. Trust is the key thing. Being an ancient fairy. I remember reading this before it went on break. Love requires a state of balance. To balance you require trust. Trust is a foundation. It experiences the different. Of course, uh, Asian Fari, you guys, Muko Namajina, funny, funny Facebook ones, hey. But you need to know how penative when you're Muko. Keep talking to us, you know? Keep talking to us. That's like, it's part of Xion Twitter, at Ram Maguko, and at Y2P4Channel. It's where you can be able to find us, head over to our Facebook page, and of course, drop in your comments on our page. And of course, uh, I shall sample more of your feedback a bit later on. We'll talk to you later on this discussion. It's all about the pillars of a healthy relationship and we have just tackled before you get into a relationship. And we've said, check on yourself first before you check on that person. Have your own checklist before you have a checklist for another person. Now, let's mention a few of these pillars because, Nadia, this discussion is very broad. Let's talk about boundaries. You said this and I want to start, let me start with violet. I want to start with violet. I remember you said that you have boundaries with your wife and I really want to know how you have boundaries there. Violet, do you agree that there should be boundaries between people who are dating and it could actually act as a pillar? I believe there should be boundaries for people who are dating. Okay, number one kind of boundary is privacy. So, privacy is a boundary. Privacy is a pillar. You are married. What privacy? I'll be talking about you. Okay, yeah, there's privacy because, you know, there are some people, when you get into their phones, maybe for example, when you get into a point, you really want to snoop into someone's else's phone or your partner's phone. It means there are trust issues. You see? So, if there are trust issues, you don't need to go to snoop into someone else's phone. So, you don't want to keep on following up on them on where they went, what they are doing, or things like that. So, you don't want to respect your privacy. Because you don't have anything to thank or mistrust them. So, to me, I feel like privacy is a boundary. Don't touch their phones. I used to say don't touch their phones. Okay, still on privacy. What about a number? A pin? A pin. What is a boundary? I think there should be a boundary because, I mean, if you know what I earn and I know what you earn, and at the end of the month, we put a reading on the table and we know what is going to investments, what is going where. I don't think we need to have each other's same paisa pin. But you can have a joint account or maybe you can, you'll be working together. But having each other's bank account. What if one day you're sick? There's something, let me come to you. What exactly did you mean when you say boundaries? Is it what Valet is saying? And I wonder, if you are not sharing pin numbers, you're not sharing a phone, you are not sharing any form of information that would have private information, my information, then how do you get along? I think my sister has the right of our opinion. But what I mean is this. Boundaries meaning up to what extent? What I mean by this, I have an influence over her life up to what extent? Let me use this for example. There's a lady who is a friend to my partner or my wife that I'm not so pleased with her character. I cannot put it as a rule that once I've said what channel we're mama, I'm a what channel we say what channel, that is wrong. To me that is wrong. I can only advise that looking at the person she is, I don't think she is influencing you right. Can you observe one, two, three, and see? They say that you think I don't have a mind of my own. Why do you think that's what influenced me? That is why I will not say that from today I don't want to see you so-and-so. I will only advise. And let me go back to what somebody said there. I agree with him or her. That trust has to be there first. Trust meaning I am transparent and predictable. Trust meaning you can verify what I do and what I say. Unless that thing is not there, then it will be so very hard to deal with other things of boundary. Once there is trust, trust will deal with so many sicknesses. Once I trust you, there are things I will not bother to give you, commanding you and giving you rules and regulations. I'll just advise you because I know, number one, you're not perfect. So I'll just advise you because to me, any advice I'm giving to my partner, I am investing in her or I'm investing in him. I'm not correcting her to prove that I'm better than her. Or I'm not correcting her to prove that I'm the man of the house or I'm the man of the day. I'm not correcting her to prove that after all I'm on top of him. I'm just investing in the woman I want her to be. Not about investing in knowledge. Does it mean that for you to have a strong relationship, you know everything about your partner? Let me first of all touch what she said. I think in a marriage setup, it will be good that I know your pain, you know my pain. That is part of the question. It will be good that way because, one, if I am able to remove all my clothes and remain with you naked and you also remove your clothes and remain with me naked, what else do you want to keep from me? Because the worst of all secrets I've seen. Yeah. Number two, what brings trust is openness. I'm open. You can access my phone and see the people interact with but also with the understanding. Like for example, I'm a pastor. I deal with people's secrets. There are things that people bring to me that should not get to a third party. So my partner should also understand who I am, what type of job I do and what type of people I deal with. So that when she finds somebody's secret or somebody's issue or a problem in my phone, then she's not this peri-peri woman or peri-peri person that will go about saying, I was checking my partner's phone. Oh, by the way, Nani is having HIV. I didn't know. So there should be openness in P number, bank account number. I can access account because, for example, my husband raised in P is, I lost a daughter and a member and one of my leaders yesterday. Oh, wow. And she has a friend who is also a lady like her. She is a single mother as far as I've known her. And this other pastor friend, she was able to share with this other pastor friend her P number that we're taking to the hospital. This is my P number in case you need to access some money, please, you can get to my M-pesa and access some money. So yesterday, the lady was in Machacos. She was not able to reach her in time, but she was able to access the other phone, get some money even before we sent her some money. So look at it from this perspective that all of a sudden, at night, I fell sick. I cannot access my account. I cannot get to my M-pesa. And the only people who know your pain are you and God? Yeah, and me are God. And all that time, God cannot get to my phone. I mean, with real money. And for example, the bitter part of later experience with a friend of mine some years ago, and this friend was to go through some agent theater. And this also told that you have to pay a deposit of some money before you go through that. Then the wife was not able to access this money because the wife didn't have a pin. So this man died on a bench because the money was not available, yet the money was in his M-pesa. So there should be openness. There should be, in spite there is boundaries, I only talk about boundaries. I influence you up to what extent. I talk to you up to what extent. When I've talked to you about something, I need to understand, I need to give you time to chew and internalize what I've said. I don't need to control you over it, but I can advise. Valet, after hearing that, is your mind changed? Or what is still your belief system about the issue of sharing pins, passwords, pass codes, and credentials? Okay, maybe when I was answering that question, I was answering it in the context of dating. Yes, in the context of dating. In the context of dating. So if you're dating, don't share. If you're married, share. Yeah, if you're still dating, answer that question in the context of dating. You know, you're not yet married, and you know the way the world is right now. Before you get to that person that you're married, you'll have dated 50 people. So if you're sharing your pin with this one person and you break up after a week, and then you share your pin with the next guy, you'll share your pin with the next guy. But the time you're married, you'll share your password with the next guy. Okay, so it was in the context of dating. Now, still, we have many young people who go through that which you've said. They're dating, they break up. They date, another person, they break up. Yes. But at the same time, you're 30 or 35, you've dated the whole clan, and you're like, ah, you can get tired. You can't get tired. So what is your problem? You know, and you wonder, is it that they don't have pillars that can make their relationship strong? But at the same time, you have the same youths, some youths who can date one person for five years, faithfully. But suddenly they break up, and then date another for five years again. So where are the pillars here? I get the problem with these kind of people. It's the mentors and the people they are looking up to. Because I'm not by the age of 30, but I have gotten advice from very many people. You're still young, you still have time. To jump from town to town. From street to street. And they say to kiss many frogs. And kiss many frogs, and paint the town red. It's the mentors that you're looking after. They are misadvising us, and I can be very late. You're still young for this thing called marriage. And I feel that is not a good advice. If you're out there and you're telling people that, don't tell people they are still young to get married. Give them those pillars. Tell them when you get there, what is it that you're supposed to do. Tell them, this is what will happen. Because if you start telling people, you are downfalls, and what is happening in your marriage. They usually say, I'm getting married to your partner, and I'm getting married to my own partner. And you're still young for this thing called marriage. So they are misadvising these young girls. And they are telling them, you're still young. So you'll see this lady. When you come home, you're still young to date. And she will come and take your husband. And she will tell him. So why would you advise young girls? What I think. If you feel, even if you're at a certain age, even if it's 25, 24, 26, and you've sat down, you've had a meeting with yourself, you've talked to counsellors or mentors, and you feel like this is the time really I want to settle. If you're a family oriented person, I think you should go for it. Don't wait to get to 30 or 35 for you to get married. Let me come to you, Evans. And this is one aspect that is killing many relationships. I believe so. The aspect of you're too young, or you're getting too old. So at some point you're too young, at some point you're getting old, so at what point was I at the right age? How can we ensure that the right pillars of relationships are instilled in our youths if we don't even know the best advice to get as young people? I agree with Violet that has destroyed so many people. Any time you're giving advice, please explain it. Make it understood so well that somebody knows what you're saying. This aspect of you're too young, you're too old. I agree. You're getting old. You need to tell me before you tell me whether I'm too young or getting old. You need to tell me that you look at me, am I ready for what you think I'm too old for or am I ready for what you think I'm too young for? And this is the question of mentorship that she talked about. And I think our generation are losing it here in the point of mentorship. Our generation today tend to be very independent thinkers to an extent that nobody should talk to them. They know it all. Let me tell you something. You cannot ignore it. If it is a principle that God laid as a foundation, and this is a principle that works for both saved and both who are not saved. Because God is not for people who are saved and people who are not saved belong to another thing. God is for all of us. So these principles are for whether you're Christian or non-Christian? These principles are close. These people who are successful. Look at Ruth, for example. Let me have a perspective of a woman. Look at Ruth. Ruth was a morbid woman. But when she lost her husband, she saw something beyond materialism in the life of her mother-in-law, Naomi. And Naomi mentored Ruth to a good wife to boss. Look at the likes of Elisha in the Bible. Look at Timothy. Look at these other people. They worked with someone. Somebody said that if you are going around, work alone, but if you are going far, work with somebody. And if you are looking for a mentor, don't look for somebody who is taking advantage of you. Look for somebody who is able to accept you with all your weaknesses and your strengths and able to help you define your strengths. Help you cultivate the best. Out of you. So that you are able to be there. So the moment we ignore the area of mentorship, we lose it. When you ignore mentorship, like a child who has no parents. You see these children. They hang around everybody in trouser as a father. Because they don't have one. They can do anything. They can eat anything. They can face any danger. They don't have a parent. Mentorship is like parenthood. Somebody is telling you principles to live by and you are safe. So the moment we miss that, then this is where we will find ourselves in a mess. But I want to advise the mentors and now the senior people. Before you tell somebody is growing old, please confirm if they are ready for what you think they are growing old for. Have you worked with them to realize that they are mature enough to handle a relationship? And if you think they are too young, how old are they? In the constitution of Kenya, somebody beyond 18 is allowed to get in a relationship. To get married. So somebody at 20 is still telling that they are too young. And it's too young. This is why this room of mingling. I am too young. I cannot settle. So let me kiss this frog A, frog B, frog 4, frog 10. Then once I am done. And this person realizes that she is done when she is about 30 something. And now she is not able to settle in a relationship. So before you tell somebody is too young, please check. Are they not ready for what you think they are too young for? Are they ready for what you think they are getting old for? Check those things. I love that. So if we are to look at some of these pillars, then should we recognize the age factor? Age factor is an issue. I would say from how I was brought up is an issue. But today looking at things and how things are playing out, some might not consider age factor. I was brought up on this principle, but you know when you are getting married or you want to get a relationship, at least have a lady whom you are ahead of her at least five years. And one of the things I was told, women depreciate faster. Let me use that term for lack of a better term. They depreciate faster simply because of two things. Number one, giving birth. Number two, the menstrual times. These things makes them to grow faster and depreciates faster. So if you consider such things, do they have an effect on the kind of advice we are giving to people today in terms of the pillars for their relationships? They would have effects because, you know, for example, you marry somebody who is ahead of you by five years, a woman who is ahead of you. Now, do you know by the time you are 40, this woman is 45, in real sense she will look like 50. There are things that she will begin to have no interest in. There are kind of talks, there are kind of jokes, there are kind of play that she begins to lack interest. And at that time, you are ripe. You wanted that. Even in the inside life, there are things that this woman reaches an age that she is now not liking such kind of environment. I want us to go to Tita, but Violet, let me give you a chance to respond to that. Do you have something to add in regards to that particular issue? I agree with him, I fully agree with him. For women, one important pillar is to recognize that the man has to be a bit older than you. A bit older. Even if it's 10 years, I would agree with him. It can just be an advice we give to our young people. It should not seem like it must because today, like that day I was seeing on TV, a young man of 30 something, married a woman who is 50 something. That is why we go back to what I call love. But if you look at factors that will take place not tomorrow, not five years coming, but maybe 30, 20 years coming, then you might need to look at that because you get a point that the woman is now too old that you are never proud. You find yourself not proud to get her, or get with her in some events because she is now not liking the way you are occurring some things, but now at that age and time you feel like that is your time to do that. Alright, I want us to move to Twitter. Twitter, Timothy, bring it up, bring it up. Are you ready? Alright. This is Joffrey. To be open and honest to each other is a key to a strong relationship. Let's move on to Twitter. We have Edgar, the pillars of a healthy relationship are as follows. Partners should have open minds to each other. That is Hakuna kufichana maneno. Then as a father or the head of the house ensure that your character is respectable and true to you. That is respectable and trusted. Alright, and of course these are just some of the comments that we are getting on our social media handle. Now, I want us to bring this conversation to a close. Today we said that we are going to divide this conversation into two. Today we handle the first part of before you get into a relationship and some of the things you need to take care of. You know, as a person, you look at yourself, you look at the age of that person, you look at some of the things they lie, some of the things you like. And I love the fact that it's coming out clearly that you know what, when I'm still dating there are some things that I need to set as boundaries for myself and there are some things I need to keep for marriage. Let's wrap it up. Remember, still confine yourself to the young and those who are still dating and those who are yet to get into dating. Let's have a final word. What is your final word in regards to the pillars of a healthy relationship in that particular perspective? Let me start with you, Violet. So I really still insist on the young people, the young guys in their teens to all the way to 30. I still feel, if you feel like you are ready to do this, just do some mentorship, take some mentorship classes and try and educate yourself because I read something that said love alone is not enough to make a marriage or a relationship work. There needs to be knowledge. There needs to be wisdom. You need to have knowledge to understand your partner. They need to have knowledge to understand you as well. So there are a number of things that are needed into a relationship for it to work. So if you get to a point that you understand love alone is not enough to keep a relationship or to make a marriage work. And then the rest of the things will flow. The pillars will come out because it includes honesty, positive communication, there is trust. So all of those, if you get to educate yourself and learn, you don't need to pay a lot to go for classes. Just get to YouTube and educate yourself. So if you have those things, you'll be able to take it up from there and you can be able to sustain any relationship or marriage with knowledge and understanding. All right. A final word. I agree with the violet. Have a mentor. Don't work alone. Relationship is not a sight-touring thing. It is a lifelong contract. Once you get into it, it is going to affect you for life. But I want to add two things. Number one, one of the pillars of a successful relationship is communication. Have good, healthy communication between the two of you. You need to communicate. Communicate doesn't just mean calling you Mekula, Ume Lala, Mekula Nini, Okuna Bandol, is also an environment whereby I'm able to talk and you are able to listen. All right. Where we can talk, we can listen. And finally, also balance, what we call balance or equity. I would say that there should be a balance. You need to know that I will not have time for all time for you. I also have my mother. I also have my friends. I also have a job to do. And in balance there, you need to understand that there must be a balance of receiving and giving. All right. Meaning, if I'm giving you, it is not only, there's no monopoly of making money from the side of men. Even ladies make money. When I'm giving you, there should be a balance. That is a time comes when you also give. There should be a balance. All right. Thank you. Let's head over to Facebook. This is Redamombo. And I'll bring it up to you one thing. And of course, this year I'm seeing, and I said, yes Ram, boundary in a relationship are meant to show you where you end, where you end and someone else begins. Thus, boundaries helps to create a sense of in a relationship and during the show from Void. Thank you so much, Redamombo. That's true. That's true. Is that true? That's true. That's true. I'm talking about Jesus Christ. If you leave him out of anything, if you leave him out of anything in your life, it won't last. I agree. He's saying that that is a pill. I agree. You agree? I agree. Let's end with a quote of the day. Yeah. And of course, this is part of, keep talking to us. Tell us whether you believe in this or not. That a healthy relationship, whether it's a good relationship, whether it's a good relationship, whether it's a good relationship, whether it's a good relationship, whether it's romantic, brotherly, or friendly, is when each person is allowed room to grow unjudged and still loved. Exactly. I agree. Thank you so much, Reven Kocho. Thank you so much, Violet. I appreciate it. Thank you so much for coming. And of course, we have not a touch on the different pillars. Yeah. They was just laying the foundation. Lay the foundation. We'll come back. I love the foundation we've laid so far. We're loaded. That will be the end of this morning's conversation right here on Power Talk. My name is Ram Magukko. It has been a pleasure being with you on this fine Thursday morning. It has been all about the pillars of a healthy relationship. Have you learned something? I sure have. This is Power Talk.