 Good evening, and thank you for joining us tonight. In a moment, we will go to our study. You will see that we will not have a bulletin, but we'll go directly to our teaching and then we'll conclude the teaching with a few words of encouragement to you who are viewing our services online. Please take the opportunity of letting us know that you're watching, and if you desire to give an offering, you can do so online. If you're watching us via computer, click on the give button in the upper right corner of your screen. If you're watching on your mobile device or iPad, click give under the menu button. If this is your first time giving digitally, follow the instruction under four ways to give to process your gift. You can also mail your checks to 1-2-2-0-5 North Pipeline Avenue, Chino, California 91710, and remember, you can still come in and use the kiosks we have in the foyer that are set up to process gifts, or you can place your gift in an envelope and hand it to one of our receptionists in the foyer. Thank you, and with that, let's get into the teaching. We've been going through the song of Solomon, right? And I forgot to do chapter seven. We did chapter eight, and I got an email from somebody saying, didn't you want to do chapter seven? Let's open our Bibles to song of Solomon chapter seven. For some reason, complications, age, I don't know. I forgot chapter seven. I do have an explanation, but I won't go into it. As you're opening up your Bibles there, a couple of things. You know, everybody in this room, everybody in this city, in this nation, needs the same thing, one thing, and that is forgiveness. Everybody does, because all of us have made mistakes. All of us have committed errors we have sinned. And as I read scripture, I see that one of the things about the Lord that is so wonderful about him is his compassion and his willingness to forgive. And tonight, as we gather for our evening service, what we're going to do is we're going to be having a what would be called a topical study in that we're not going to start a new book tonight. And the reason we're not is because we're going to cancel Sunday night next week. It's Christmas Day, and then the week following is New Year's Day. And so we're going to be starting up our regular attendance again on the 8th of January. And so I didn't want to start a new book and take that large a break between the introduction and the second installment. And so tonight, we're going to be looking at the subject of forgiveness. I called it Blessed Forgiveness, and we find that in Mark's Gospel chapter two. I invite you to be with us as we look at verses one through 12 tonight for evening service, and we do have special worship being led by Tony Logan. And it's going to be a great night. It starts at five o'clock. Then on Wednesday, we gather together for evening service. We're looking at John chapter eight for those who will be with us. And I'm going to only take one verse. I'm going to look at verse 12. What does it mean to walk in the light? You find the scripture speaking concerning the walk of believers. And Jesus says that if we're following him, we're not going to walk in darkness, but we're going to have the light of life. And we're going to look at that in some detail this upcoming Wednesday night. I invite you to be with us, obviously, on Saturday. It's an opportunity for us as a church to gather together to celebrate Christmas, though it's the Christmas Eve service. And we always have a very comfortably full service for Christmas Eve. The next day being Christmas Day is a great opportunity to invite friends and relatives to church. And we've had many people come on Christmas Day because they were actually giving their children a gift. They asked their their daughter or son, what do you want for Christmas? And the daughter and son has said, we want you to go with us to church. We'd like you to be with us. And parents have come and many of them have committed the hearts of Christ in our Christmas Day services. So I invite you, obviously, to not skip service next Sunday. It's Christmas Day, the church gathers together to celebrate. And so I look forward to having you with us next week. But today we're going to look at chapter seven in the song of Solomon. And what we'll do is we'll begin reading together at verse one. I'll read to verse five and we'll get into our study. We're looking at keeping the fires of love ignited. And we see that here in chapter seven. So beginning at verse one, song of Solomon chapter seven, verse one. Solomon says, how beautiful are your feet in sandals, Oh, Prince's daughter. The curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman. Your navel is a rounded goblet, which lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes, like the pools in Heshban by the gate of Bat-Rabim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. And the hair of your head is like purple. The king is held captive by its tresses. Romance, how to keep the fire of romance ignited in a relationship? How do we go about doing that? We're going to be looking at that in some detail as we go through the song of Solomon here, chapter seven. Marie and I were returning from a ministry trip that we had taken in another state. And as we're together in the plane, as is our habit, Marie will put her arm through my arm and hold on to me or we're holding hands. And the reason we do that is because if the plane starts to go down, I can shove her out of the way easily and save the lives of the passengers. No, we just do that. You know, that's just a habit that we have. We just we just always will hold on to each other or hold each other's hands and in flights. And it's just kind of common. And so as we were on the flight, there was a stewardess and the stewardess who was coming through and taking care of the needs of the passengers finally walked up to us after we'd been on in the air over an hour or two. And she approaches and finally says, as we're sitting there holding hands, she looks at us and she says, are you two newlyweds? And it made me laugh. I thought, come on, you know, we're we're fossils here. It's quite obvious, you know, that we're old people. But it was kind of funny. And I said, no, but to her, that was unusual. And apparently, she doesn't really see that kind of open affection expressed quite often in that capacity. And so I just think what can be normal for one person is unusual to another. As I've mentioned to you before that, Marie and I just a few years ago again, we're walking, holding hands, going through Disneyland when a young couple approaching us, young woman in their 20s, they're in their 20s looking in our direction, turns to her boyfriend or whatever and says, oh, how cute. And and Marie and I turn around to look at what she's looking at. It was us. She's looking at these old people like, you know, we're holding each other up as we're, I don't realize that we were at that point of being cute, you know. How do you keep those fires burning burning though? How do you keep the fires of romance going? I mean, it is not automatic that just because you've been together for a long time that you that your fire goes out. But how do you keep it a flame? That's what we'll be looking at because I believe that the fire of romance not only can remain, but it actually grows over the years if it's tended properly. A little bit of ancient history for you. This comes out of the 60s here in the United States. Back all the way back in 1966. There was a group, some ancient rock and roll people by the name of Simon and Garfunkel. Anybody here ever hear of them? Simon and Garfunkel. They were a group that still is very popular, their music is still popular, but they're well known for their style of music. And they're very introspective, very, very thoughtful lyricists. And Paul Simon in 1966 wrote a song called Dangling Conversations. Has anybody ever heard that? Raise your hand. I want to see. OK, I see some of you trying to force your arms up because of the arthritis. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Dangling Conversation. You know, I was 16 years old when I first heard that song. And so naturally, I didn't have the life experience for it to really make much sense to me. Frankly, I was just, you know, high school junior. And and it just really didn't speak to me. But as I've grown older and I've heard the song on many occasions since then, I now can understand what Paul Simon was was saying in his song. And let me read the lyrics and explain what I'm trying to say here as it relates to romance in the in the song called Dangling Conversation. Paul Simon wrote. It's a still life watercolor of now late afternoon as the sun shines through the curtain delays and shadows wash the room and we sit and drink our coffee couched in our indifference, like shells upon the shore. You can hear the ocean roar in the dangling conversation and the superficial size, the borders of our lives. And you read your Emily Dickinson and I, my Robert Frost, and we know our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost like a poem poorly written. We are verses out of rhythm, couplets out of rhyme and syncopated time lost in the dangling conversation and superficial size, the borders of our lives. Yes, we speak of things that matter with words that must be said. Can analysis be worthwhile? Is the theater really dead? And how the room is softly faded and I only kiss your shadow. I cannot feel your hand. You're a stranger now and to me lost in the dangling conversation and the superficial size and the borders of our lives. We drink our coffee. We read our books. We speak of things that matter. But you're not real. I can't feel your hand. I only kiss a shadow. You're a stranger now and to me. I've been in restaurants where I've seen the husband with the newspaper held in front of his face as he's reading it. And I see the woman as she's eating her breakfast, looking out the window. And I cannot help but wonder, how did you get to that place where you're gathered together? You two are in a restaurant. And and the man isn't even looking at the woman. She just neglected. Is that how it was? I think to myself when you began to date, is that where it was supposed to go? The day that you you met her the first time you saw her from across the room and you said within yourself, I'd like to meet her. And the first time you went on a date, the first time that you had your very first kiss when you got married and you had your children. Did you really think that it would end up with you seated across from her as a stranger? And and so I think about that that that song that that song that Paul Simon penned speaks to my heart to this day. And I've told that to Maria, I said, I don't want us to just have our coffee. I don't want us to speak about things that really don't matter. I want to have a heart to heart with you. I want to have a soul to soul relationship with you. I don't want a relationship that doesn't last and doesn't produce. I don't want that. And I don't think anybody in here who's married or moving towards marriage or one day will be married. I don't think a single one of us would want something that ends up with us as strangers seated across from one another, caught up in our own world to the neglect of the other person. I just don't think that that's something that anybody really wants. You know, it's been said a neglected fire usually will go out. And that's true. Proverbs 26 verse 20 says it like this, where there is no wood, the fire goes out. That's why Hebrews 10 24 can apply, at least in principle, where it says, let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works to rekindle, to provoke. And so what we do is we consider, we watch over one another to provoke one another to love, to the love of Christ and to the service of God and one another. You see, when you get married, it's possible for the things that made you love one another to begin to fade. You can end up with various stresses. And those stresses can take your attention from your marriage. You can end up busy with things that actually distract you, like your job or hobbies or caring for your home or outside interests. Or the longer that you're married, the older your parents get. And before you know it, you begin to take care of your parents because their needs begin to distract you. And these things can cause the coals to die out in your relationship. It's a sad fact, but some some couples spend more time planning vacations than they do planning their relationship. The fact is love doesn't have to grow cold. It can actually grow deeper and more impassioned over time. What kinds of things can make a romance die in our relationship? What are the things that can go into undermining what we actually don't want to see in terms of? What can undermine I'll change it and say, what can undermine the fire and what can happen to undermine the things that we've been laying foundations for? What are the things in other words that can go into your relationship that destroy it? One of the number one things I'd say the number one thing that can destroy a relationship is unrepentant sin, unrepentant sin, where you you actually have something that's going on that you just refuse to deal with a habitual sin. It's a practice of constantly sinning against one another. And when that happens, love will die. It's true when someone keeps sinning and does not repent that a hardness does occur. It'll occur on the person. It'll occur to the person that's being sinned against, and it occurs within the person who continues to sin. You know, that that meanness of spirit that can come up or that critical attitude that you just keep on just biting at that person and undermining that person, correcting that person. And after a while, it's just a mean spirit where the person begins to think, I don't do anything right. Or you got married and everything was going well, but you began to do a little social drinking before you know what you're drinking a lot. And now you've begun to drink so much that it's become a habit and now it's a problem. And but you don't see it because after all, you know, my dad drank, my mom drank, everybody in family drank, what's the big deal? You don't like me drinking, but you don't see what it's doing to you and you don't see what it's doing to the family, but you just keep doing it and it undermines unrepentant sin. When you stop loving the other person, and you begin to just love yourself, when you stop caring about that other person, you care only about yourself. Well, that's gonna put a bucket of water on top of the fire of your relationship. A second thing is neglect. We just get busy. We stop attending to the important things. I really believe it's very important to remember the things that attracted you to the person you're married to in the first place. What was it about that person that you liked so much? Well, we need to stay there. That needs to be a foundation. One of the fundamentals of our relationship. And we need to visit that place and we need to honor that place and we need to think of that place. And that's the kind of thing that keeps you going. I, as a married man, I can tell you details about various things that were very important to me when we first started dating. And to me, it's a very important thing to hold fast to this day after all these years. To remember the first time I gave her a kiss, to remember the first time I held her hand, to remember meeting her parents, to remember all those first things that were so important to me. The day she walked in the room, the day she walked past me, the day I asked her to marry me, we went to my brother's house. He lived in Ontario and I invited this Bible study that I used to teach, the Bible study that I met Marie in. And I took my girlfriend, Maria, out and said, oh, we're gonna stop by Frank's for a moment. And we got there and there were some of the people from the original Bible study and Marie had no clue what was going on and I sat her down and she actually sat down in the chair I used to teach the Bible study and she always sat at the foot of the chair where I sat. She always sat on my right hand, where my right hand is. And I opened up the book of Proverbs and I began to read to her the passage related to the woman that is found in there, the virtuous woman. And I began to read it and I said to Marie, I said, you know, Marie, when my father asked my mother to marry, he gave her and I held up this ring. I wear this ring. He gave her this ring. I said it was a symbol of his love. My mom just the other day said, you know, she said, David, you know how much that ring cost your daddy? I said, no, how much? She said, 57 cents. That's how much the ring costs, 57 cents. She said, he gave it to me as an engagement ring. And so I said, you know, my dad gave my mom this ring and he said, will you marry me? And I said, Marie Lopez, will you marry me? And she took it so fast, she almost pulled my hand off. I can remember those things. I visit those things. I rekindle those things because those are the things that has made my marriage a good marriage. I stay there, I don't move away from that and I build on that, you see. Those are things that you can do. So don't neglect your relationship. Remember the things that first attracted you. Jesus said something like that to the church of Ephesus in Revelation chapter two, verses four and five. But while he was speaking to them, he said, nevertheless, I have this against you that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen. Repent and do the first works. Remember, repent, return. And if he's speaking to a church and he's saying, you have gotten away from your love for me, we can apply that to ourselves and I don't want to get away from the things that matter that have helped me as a husband to have a good relationship with my wife. And so be careful not to neglect. A third thing, you can put too much importance on outer appearance, the outer appearance of your spouse. Fact is we get different shapes when we're married long enough, that's the truth. No, Marie once said, honey, why don't you get in shape? And I said, I am in shape, I'm round, round is a shape. And I talked to the young man who we're about to get married and I say, don't be surprised if you gain 20 pounds in a month, because that happens. And as you get married and as you continue on in your marriage, you're giving birth to children, your body shape changes and all of that. If we put too much emphasis on outer appearances, we're missing the person of the heart. We need to appreciate our spouses throughout all the seasons of our lives together. A fourth thing is unrealistic expectations. You can actually get married thinking that that person you're marrying is gonna make you happy. And the fact is, is they can't. They can't make you as happy as you wanna be. And they weren't put on the face of the earth just to make sure you're happy. And sometimes people have these unrealistic expectations when they get married thinking that if I marry this person, well, this is gonna be what makes me the happiest person in the world. I was just speaking to one of the young ladies in our church just this last week and she said, and she's 28 years old, she was saying to me, you know, one of the things that my generation really doesn't understand is something that relates to working in relationships. She said, you know, we were raised with stories, storybook tales of Cinderella, Snow White, and, you know, Sleeping Beauty and all we remember is the fact that their prince showed up. But when you begin to look at the actual story, every one of those and others that our kids were raised with that I was raised hearing, every one of those women who ended up with a prince actually went through some very tough times. Just think of the stories. Think about how they ate a poisoned apple or think about being a slave in your own home and that's what had happened to all these and then ultimately their prince arrived. And she was saying, we expect the prince to arrive but we don't expect to go through hard times. We don't expect those things to shape us and actually work within us and so we think when we get married that it's all gonna be just perfect all the time, we're never gonna have a problem and that's not true at all. I read a man regularly, his name is A.W. Tozer. I read him for my devotions daily and Tozer wrote this. We are all idealists. We picture to ourselves a life on earth completely free from every hindrance, a kind of spiritual utopia where we can always control events, where we can move about as favorites of heaven, adjusting circumstances to suit ourselves. This we feel would be quite compatible with the life of faith and in keeping with the privileged place we hold as children of God. In thinking thus, we simply misplace ourselves. We mistake earth for heaven and expect conditions here below which can never be realized till we reach the better world above. While we live, we may expect troubles and plenty of them. We are never promised a life without problems as long as we remain among fallen man. And that's 100% true. You get married and you think, oh boy, it's gonna be great and you wake up the next morning to morning breath and that's it. That goes on until you go to be with the Lord and you work every day. Marriage is something that you work at. It's something you hold fast to and romance is something you rekindle. It's something that you work on. I need to remember that my wife wasn't put on earth to make me happy. And if I'm unhappy, it's something I have to deal with. Mr. and Mrs. Solomon seemed to know the secret of keeping the fire burning. That's what we're looking at here. And so what we have here in chapter seven is a reminder that, well, that Solomon had come to his bride who was referred to as the Shulamite and she had already gone to bed and he had knocked on the door and said, I'd like to come in and she said, no, I'm in bed. I don't wanna be with you. And Solomon had left and she started thinking about how she mistreated him and began looking for him. They finally got together again and now what we're seeing in chapter seven is Solomon speaking to his bride who just earlier had rejected him and this is how he's dealing with it. And so notice in verse one, how he speaks. He says, how beautiful are your feet in sandals, oh, Prince's daughter, the curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman. So he began speaking and it began to describe to her from her feet to the top of her head how beautiful she is to him. Now, in chapter six in verse 13, she had asked the question, what would you see in the Shulamite? So she's already asked that question. So this answers the question she's just asked. And so he speaks concerning her feet being beautiful in her sandals. What is that talking about? Well, you're saying to her, you're graceful. You're as graceful as one who was born into royalty. You see, sandals were born by those who were trusted to leave the home. During the days of Solomon, slaves went barefoot as well as the members of the harem. And so what he's saying to his wife is, I trust you. It's like Proverbs 31, 111, which says the heart of her husband safely trusts her. So he's saying, I consider you to be trustworthy. And that's how he's beginning to reconcile with her. And he goes on to begin to describe her. In verse one, the curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman. This shows quite obviously his awareness of her in a way that a husband would know his wife. Some women are very aware of their legs. So he's complimenting her. And what he's doing when he's speaking about her legs is not just that they're beautiful and attractive. He's rejoicing in her strength and rejoicing in her loyalty because she wears sandals, thus she can be trusted. And so because legs often communicate stability and strength, he's beginning to speak about not just her outer appearance, but her inner person. He says in verse two, your navel is a rounded goblet. It lacks no blended beverage or waste as a heap of wheat. Wheat and grapes are signs of harvest. And he's simply saying to her, you're a blessing to me. Wheat and lilies, often in scripture, are a picture of purity and health. And so he's speaking concerning her virtues. In verse three, your two breasts are like two fond twins of a gazelle. Now he had said that on their wedding night. He's repeating it here. In other words, you take care of yourself and I'm pleased that you do so. Now, verse four is interesting. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes like the pools in Heshban by the gate of Bat-Rabim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks toward Damascus. Well, a neck being a tower. Well, an ivory tower reveals her purity. It also is a picture of strength and dignity. Her eyes are like the pools near Heshban which was a Levitical city which means that she has a personal holiness. You're a spiritual woman. And when he says your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, she had a huge nose, quite obviously. No. Damascus was the seat of power for Assyria. And Assyria was a major enemy of the nation of Israel. So he's basically simply saying you are on the alert for any trouble that might come to me. In other words, you can smell trouble miles away. You have a loving protective interest in me. It's the wife who sees the husband and maybe you're at a family get-together and you have an aunt or a relative that may not like Christians very much. And they know that your husband's a believer and they know that you are. And the wife is in the kitchen with the family kind of visiting and she looks and she sees as one of these relatives is making a beeline to her husband. And she knows that that relative is gonna walk up to him and say, you know what I don't like about you Christians? You're all hypocrites. And she sees that and knows what's gonna happen. And so what does she do? She just kind of slips out of the conversation. She walks up next to her husband, puts her arm through his and stands there with him as this individual begins to approach. And in a way, she's putting herself between them, letting that relative know you're not about to attack my husband. She has a protective interest in him. She's taking care of him. And he says, and I love you for that. Not that Solomon wasn't a big boy and couldn't handle his own business, but because she cares and can smell trouble a mile away and loves him so much that she will actually enter into the midst of it to protect him from what might take place. And he says, and I love you for that. In verse five, your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. The hair of your head is like purple. When he speaks of that crowns and purple, well, he's saying you have a royal manner about you. You're a woman of dignity and you are a woman of grace. You see purple is the color of royalty. You see that, for example, in Mark 15, 17, when speaking of Jesus, it says they clothed him with purple. So purple is a color that earmarks royalty. And so he's saying, you are an excellent wife. You're a royal wife. And when he speaks about your head crowning you, well, there's a sense of her having a relationship with him that is very deep and very excellent. Proverbs 12, 4 says an excellent wife is the crown of her husband. And so he's basically simply saying, you have captured my heart. Verse five, when it says the king is held captive by its trespasses, he's simply saying, I am your captive. He goes on. Verse six, how fair and how pleasant you are. Oh, love with your delights. This stature of yours is like a palm tree. Your breast, like its clusters. I said, I will go up to the palm tree. I will take hold of its branches. Let now your breast be like clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath, like apples and the roof of your mouth, like the best wine. The shulamite responding says, the wine goes down smoothly for my beloved, moving gently the lips of sleepers. Well, Solomon now returns to the reason why they had had a problem in the first place. He had wanted to be intimate with her and she had rejected him. So he's returning to that, letting her know he's still interested. So he's letting her know that he wants to be with her. And that's why he says how fair and how pleasant you are, oh, love with your delights. Now, he's basically saying, though I am a great king, I feel as if I am under your power. I'm under your spell, we used to say. I'm completely captivated by you. This is what you call vulnerability. Something that can be difficult for men to learn, but it's something that we can learn. And he's simply saying to her, I am captivated by you, though I'm a king, yet I feel that I can trust you with my heart. And as he's speaking in this way, verse seven, he goes on to say, this stature of yours is like a palm tree and your breast like its clusters. He's simply saying you are my oasis in the desert and I am at home wherever you are. Verses eight and nine, I still desire to have intimacy with you and I'm letting you know. And as he's speaking, she now begins to respond. And it's interesting how in the second portion of verse nine, the Shulamite says, the wine goes down smoothly for my beloved, moving gently the lips of sleepers. I am my beloveds and his desire is toward me. You can have a misunderstanding and if you get angry and you get mean-spirited and you get to making accusations and hurt feelings and bringing up the past, you're not gonna have a time of romance later on. It makes no sense, but some people do. They get angry and they just vent it all at that moment. They just let them know. Solomon had been rejected. He had said, open the door. I'd like to come and be with you. And she says, no, I got a headache, get out of here. He takes off. He leaves a token behind a fragrance that she knows is his. And now she begins to search. And now he's speaking instead of being punitive, instead of being mean-spirited instead of saying, I'm the husband and you're my wife. And by the way, I'm the king and you don't have a right to refuse me. He begins to speak to her and say to her, how beautiful she is, how loving she is, how trustworthy she is, how grateful he is for her. And by the way, you have captivated my heart and I love you with all of it, every beat of it. There's not another woman like you on the face of the earth. And she's already been put in the place of feeling badly about what had gone on. And so this is just speaking to her heart. And so she says, the wine goes down smoothly for my beloved. Why? Because I'm my beloved and he is mine. His understanding, his kindness has moved her heart. It's true. Love, desire, understanding and consideration can move somebody to response. And she knows there's no one else in the world that matters as much as she does. And so what does she do? Verse 11, come my beloved, let us go forth to the field. Let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards. Let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open and the pomegranates are in bloom. There, I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance and at our gates are pleasant fruits. All manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved. This is an invitation, an invitation for a time of romance and she's extending it to him. Men can be romantic, there's no doubt about it, especially when we want to, but it's not simply something that is natural. It's something you have to make a decision, you have to learn to be and you need to learn to be affectionate. I had to learn to be affectionate. All of us basically learn our style of love by those who have influenced us the most, whether it be a father and a mother, whether it be an uncle or an aunt or a grandparent or somebody, there's some significant individual that we have seen that we think has a good relationship perhaps. And we basically, without even consciously thinking about it, I think, begin to model ourselves in one form or another after what we have seen. In my upbringing, I'll give an example, in my upbringing, my mom and my dad were very, together were very, very private. I don't remember ever seeing my dad actually give my mom a kiss other than just a quick kind of a kiss on the cheek or maybe just a light touch on the mouth. That was it, that's all I ever saw. I don't remember seeing my mom and dad holding hands. I don't remember seeing my mom snuggling up too much to my dad when my dad was seated there on the sofa watching TV. I didn't see any of that. I knew that he loved her, but the way I knew my dad loved her is because my dad went to work. My dad came home with a paycheck. My dad made sure that she was cared for. My dad was just a great provider, but he wasn't an openly affectionate man. And so I saw that as a natural way and didn't think anything about it. Didn't ever think anything about it. So to learn to say, I love you, I didn't ever hear my dad say that to my mom. I guess I'm like most of you in here. I just don't remember ever hearing my dad say, honey, I love you. Not that he didn't. I just don't remember ever hearing that. So I didn't see affection. I didn't see an openness like that. My dad wasn't that kind of man. He was a man of his own generation. And the generation my dad came from was very private. And so I grew up seeing my dad like that and thinking that's pretty normal and that's how men are. So I get married. And my wife is expecting different. She's expecting me to hold her hand. She wants me to tell her, she's beautiful. And me, I'm seeing that as kind of like, are you kidding me? Why? So here are some things I can share with you. Here's some basic advice to keep the fire lit in a relationship. One, learn to be affectionate throughout the year, not just on certain occasions. Birthdays and holidays, like Mother's Day and Valentine's Day, anniversaries, these are all great opportunities to show affection. I had to learn that. I had to learn that. Marie gives birth to Corinne and Mother's Day rolls around and I come home and Marie says, you didn't get me a Mother's Day card. And I look at her and say, you're not my mom. Why would I give you a Mother's Day card? It doesn't make any sense to me. If I get a Mother's Day card, I give it to my mom. She's mom, you're not mom. I didn't marry my mom. Why don't you get it? See, to me, that's perfectly logical. Every man in this room knows what I'm saying. It doesn't make sense. Why would I give my wife a Mother's Day card? You're not my mommy. You want me to call you mommy? I've been whizzed up. That didn't make any sense to me, right? So I didn't get it. Valentine's Day. I come home and I walk into the house and it's Valentine's Day. I said, yeah. Every year comes around the same time, February 14th, yeah, why? She gives me a little present. She goes, did you get me something? I said, no. Why? You don't think I love you? How many times? I live here, I pay the bills. What's wrong? Oh, it's Valentine's Day. I said, yeah, that's just a con, man. Don't you get it? I said, some man, what they're trying to do is get you to buy cards, get me to spend money on things that I don't want to spend money on. I really had that conversation. I said, I'm not gonna do that. And she gets her feelings, what's up? So I get in the car and I drive and I buy some perfume and I bring it back and I put it in front of her on the counter. I said, happy Valentine's Day. And you know what she did? She took it, drove back, got the money back, brought it back and put the money in front of me and said, I don't need your gift. And I said, hey, it works, man. I got money out of it. No, she actually did that. She put the money back and she said, I want a gift that doesn't matter to you. And I said, you gotta understand something. We had a nice talk. I buy her Valentine's things now. But I'll tell you why. I still think it's a gimmick. I still do, I'm gonna lie to you. But it matters to her. It means something to her. Even though I think they're conning us. It matters to her. It means something to her. So I'm learning to do that. I'm learning to do that. Never been one of those guys that likes somebody too close to me, especially when I'm sitting down. I get warm and, why do you have to put your shoulder on me? Come on, give me some space. We got married and had been married for less than a year or so. And I'm working and I'm in the office and she calls me up. And I could take a call and I said, hello, hi honey, what are you doing? I'm working. Oh, am I interrupting you? And my boss is seated right next to me. And I said, I have a moment, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I say, yeah, baby, yeah, uh-huh. Okay, I better let you go. I said, okay, I love you. I said, yeah, me too. She says, say it. Anybody here ever go through that? Yeah, say it. Ss, what? What? Say it or I won't hang up. And I go, come on. And my boss who's right next to me had been married 20, 30 years at that time says, just tell her you love her or she won't hang up. He tells me that. So I go, I love you. I say, I, listen, sometimes when I'm standing, I'm sure this is true. When I'm standing up here and I talk the way I do and I'm vulnerable the way I am and I tear up over the things I do, I can give you the impression that I've always been a wimp. Always been like that. I haven't. I haven't. I've been a man. A man. I don't need to say it if I don't want to. I don't need to go there if I don't want to. I don't have to do that if I don't want to. That's what I was like when I got married and that's how I spoke to my wife. You don't say you love me. You don't know it. It's like an insecurity problem, girl. You gotta work on it, baby. I mean, I go and work and sweat and put a check on the table for you and you're saying I don't love you. See, I watched my dad do that and that's what I thought men did. Then I got to watching my wife. Men dwell with their wife according to understanding. And so I began to learn her. And as I began to learn her, the things that really didn't make sense to me and I'm sure my wife has a list of things she can tell you about me that didn't make sense to her, of course. But I didn't get it. I didn't get that just a touch on the hand means something. I didn't get it. I didn't get that just putting my arm around her and holding her for just a second without any interest other than that was valuable to her. I didn't get that giving her a kiss in the morning and saying I love you and saying you're everything to me on a daily basis meant as much as it did. To me, I just thought, because see, I'm one of these guys, you don't have to tell me you love me. I know you do. Because my father didn't tell me he loved me till I was 17. I never heard that. I love you, son. Are you kidding me? I knew my dad loved me because when I walked by once in a while he'd hit me. I'm serious. He'd hit me. And that was my dad saying I love you or he'd grab me and rub my head. And let me go. My dad loves me. I knew it. I didn't need to hear it. I still don't. It's not one of those things. Oh, you didn't say you love me today. I don't care. But I'll tell you this. I have learned that it matters and I have learned that it matters when I say it to my beloved. I have learned that the affection needs to continue and to grow. Just because we're married doesn't mean I shouldn't keep showing her affection. Just because we're married doesn't mean that I shouldn't tell her how beautiful I think she is. You know? I mean, look at how beautiful are your feet in sandals, oh, Prince's daughter. The curves of your thighs are like jewels. And now you got more. Thighs. Charming, very charming. Keep the affection going. Not just on these special days. Just spontaneously give attention. Secondly, continue to make time to be with one another. Set aside time. Go out on dates. Do your best to make it into a habit. Find time that you can go out. Hold fast to that, to the best of your ability. Make it a regular date. I would take Marie out every week when we were, before we were married. I'd take her out every week since we're married. You don't have to go out and spend lots of money. You don't have to go out and buy expensive. You don't have to do that. You know this. You can go together and grab a cup of coffee and sit down and visit. And by the way, when you are together and you're having your date time, keep your attention on each other. Talk about things that matter between you two. Your kids and other things will creep into the conversation. That's just part of your life. That's what makes up your life. But make sure that you're listening to one another. And as you're together, make sure that you're spending that time in a quality way to the best of your ability. Some people think, well, if I don't take my kid out with us whenever we go out, the kids are gonna get mad. The kids aren't gonna get mad if you're working on your marital relationship. They're gonna be glad that they have a mom and a dad who love one another. They're gonna be glad that they have a mom and dad who spend time and make special time for one another. Now, if you were going out playing cards or you're in a sports team or you're doing something with the girls or the guys or whatever, neglecting them, yeah, they'll get mad. But when you say to your kids, we're gonna be back in a little while. I'm just taking mama out. We're gonna get some coffee, spend some time, catch up. And you do that weekly, they expect that, and it makes a better family. Somebody the other day was talking to me. They said, oh, I wanna go to New York. New York's a beautiful city. Marie and I were there last week. We spent a week there in New York. I like New York. And I broke my foot, you know that? And Cece's got me walking 18 blocks. I looked like the mummy being chased, dragged my foot. 18 blocks at a time. But you know what? She was saying to me the other day, one of our ladies was saying, I'd like to go to New York. I said, I love New York. I like to go when I can. She says, well, we'd like to bring our kids. I said, don't. And you know, a lot of mama's instantly, what do you mean, don't? Don't. Why not? Well, if you've never been there, it's a place that you wanna experience with your husband. But if you have your kids, and it's a three-hour time change, and you wake up in the morning and you wanna go out and they're not ready, or they don't feel like going, or they're too tired, you're gonna have a messed up six days. We don't wanna go there. We don't wanna eat there. I'm tired. I wanna go home. Or they're gonna be texting. No, no, no, no, no. Get me out of here. Come and get me, you know. See, you'll have a miserable time because you're gonna be just always concerned. I said because it's a natural instinct of a mom for her to care about the kids, their comfort, are they enjoying it? Because you're only gonna be as happy as your most unhappy kid. Keep that in mind. So if they're unhappy, you will be unhappy. You're gonna get on the plane, come home, and you're gonna say, I never wanna do this again. Man, if I went to Irvine, I could've dragged you home and thrown you in the room, but we're in New York. We can't do anything. And I was talking to her about that, but it's true, you know, we have taken our kids. And I can tell you, if it's going for the first time somewhere, just go with your mate and enjoy it. If you go again the next year, you've already seen the things you wanna see, now you can help them to enjoy it. It just makes sense. And it's always just making sure you're taking care of your relationship. Always. You get on a plane, you're flying home. The first thing the stewardess begins to do is she's doing pre-flight instructions is she'll begin to speak to you about the fact that if the cabin loses pressure and the mask falls down, put it on yourself first if you're traveling with the child and then put it on the child. The very first time I ever heard that, I thought, no, my instinct is to save the kid. But the bottom line is you're not gonna help anybody if you've lost consciousness. Take care of yourself. Well, in your marriage, take care of your marriage. Listen, if you have options and you say we've got X amount of disposable cash this year, there's a junior high or a high school retreat or a kid's camp or whatever, or there's the couples retreat. Go to the couples retreat. Why? Because those kids are gonna benefit from having a mom and dad who were touched by Jesus Christ. But if you, well, that's the truth. That's the truth. But if you're sending your kid and you're not growing in your faith with the Lord, they're gonna come back all charged up to a house that's dead. Or comparatively so. Take care of your walk with God. Take care with your relationship. Keep your relationship on fire. And you'll see the Lord move through the household. That's how it works. Now this woman is saying I wanna be with you. And I'm gonna give you delights that you haven't had. It's interesting in verse 13 where it says the mandrakes give off a fragrance and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved. That is actually an invitation for a physical encounter. And she's basically saying, I'm gonna make it worth your time. That's what she's saying, to be honest with you. Mandrakes and pleasant fruits are actually associated with sexual intimacy. There was a, it's a picture of what we today would use the term aphrodisiacs. It's a picture of that. You actually see that in Genesis, chapter 30 verse 14. Not that it is, but that it had a reputation of enhancing the desire for physical intimacy. And what she is saying to him very simply is I wanna give you pleasure. And I wanna give you pleasure. She said new and old. In other words, we're gonna have a wonderful time together. She's saying to him, I love you. And the way that you responded to me has made me wanna respond to you in this way. Sounds to me like that's a good way to treat your wife. Show her love, show her attention, show her compassion and understanding. Tell her how beautiful she is. And the wife ought to respond by saying, you're someone I love. My love for you is protective. We together can have a great relationship because ultimately, because God has brought us together. Let us not let anything break us up. And so we can keep the fires of love ignited. Father, would you continue to work in us? And would you help us, Lord, to live for you in such a way that we understand how deep your love is for us and learn to love one another deeply too? May we take some of these little tidbits from the song of Solomon and apply them, Lord, and apply them into our basic lives. For those who are single, I pray that you keep on working in their lives in an event that one day you would have them to be married. May it be the right person for somebody else. For those of us who are married, may our marriages be blessed by you. Those going through difficulty. I pray that you would bring a healing balm. And those who have lost a loved one, husband or wife, that you would be their comfort or Lord. And all things may you be the center of our lives. And even as our eyes are closed, our heads are bowed, there may be some right now who need prayer. You need to get right with the Lord. You need things in your life touched by Him. I wanna pray for you before we close. Would you raise your hand and let me pray for you right where you're at. Just raise your hand so I might see you please. Lord, you see these hands and you know the reason why they're being raised to you. And I now ask that you would reach down and touch these lives. And Father, that you would work in them in a way that you do in your special way. And even now, that you would be bringing healing and peace to them. Just keep moving, I pray, amongst us all, but especially in those whose hands are raised. And have your way Lord, I pray. And we thank you. You can put your hands down. And Jesus, would you keep working in all of us? To your glory, we pray. In Jesus' name, amen. I pray the study was encouraging and I wanna thank you for your continued support and prayers and invite you to join us next Sunday night as we move into the next part of our study. As I mentioned earlier, if you would like to give your offering, you can do so online. If you're using a computer, click on the give button in the upper right corner of your screen. If you're watching on your mobile device or iPad, click give under the menu button. If this is your first time giving digitally, follow the instruction under four ways to give to process your gift. And finally, you can either mail your checks to 1205 North Pipeline Avenue, Chino, California, 91710, or if you're able, you can come to the sanctuary and use the kiosk we have in the foyer that are set up to process gifts. You can also place your gift in an envelope handed to one of the receptionists in the foyer. So thank you. God be with you. And we look forward to having you with us once again.